Re: Not sure what is going on...Xbox withdrawal????

[Guest guest]

denise,,,,

I worry so much...he is not getting it...how will he work...is he really learning....what am I doing wrong...why is he so nasty....what do others think...I am so tired....tired of fighting....I want some fun....why why why...I want a nice night...a night of no fighting or being nasty....will they hold him back in school...am I babying him too much...how can i make him more responsible....I can't do this any more....how much are we to take...some days i feel like I need to be hospitalized....

Well we did find out one thing.....my son is AFRAID of homework...AFRAID it will be too hard...that he can't do it.....that is takes too long...he do it wrong...etc. etc. Wow! Whaat a revelation and we have always been there for him ...helping him...some days I even do the writing for him as he complains his hand hurts....sometimes i ask him orally ....but this really opened our eyes...He is afraid...

Another thing ...I have put my foot down...and told my husband...he better start helping...he said well you know more about it than me...so I said...then start learning as I did...go on the internet...read some of my books.

Thanks for posting me...it helps ...it really does...especially when my own minister can't spend 2 minute with me on the phone.....

Thanks

Jan

Jan Rushen

Smile because it is contagious!!!!

From: <dvisualize@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Not sure what is going on...Xbox withdrawal???? Date: Wednesday, September 24, 2008, 5:34 PM

Hello Jan, Seems we are both at the end of our rope....... My son too has had changes and is acting out, so much so he was hospitalized. I posted several posts over last 2 days. All we can do is LOVE them, try to mantain order, take a break for ourselves, and never give up! I know only to well the cycle over and over again. People think we are weak when we give in but we are only trying to get some peace and calm. Hang in there!

[Guest guest]

I feel the same way Jan just so tired of the constant battle. Im too trying to

make my son

more responsible nothing is working here either. My fiance just left us because

he is afraid

of my son. while he is not entirely gone, its left everything up in the air. We

need to figure

out ways to boost our childrens confidence, they have so much fear! How do we

assure

them? As much as we love and care about our asperger children we musnt forget

ourselves, because if we arent well how can we best care for them? hopefully

all the

wonderful support we get here and hopfully at home, we can find some balance. I

also am

dealing with my own mental illness as i have bipolar. All we can do is KEEP

POSITIVE, find

things that we can enjoy with our children. My son and i went for a walk on

trails in woods

tonight and had really good talk. We just got to keep supporting our children

and love

them for who they are. Hang in there! Does your child constantly talk? Mine

does! Hes over

my shoulder talking up a blue streak!

>

> From: <dvisualize@...>

> Subject: ( ) Re: Not sure what is going on...Xbox

withdrawal????

>

> Date: Wednesday, September 24, 2008, 5:34 PM

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Hello Jan, Seems we are both at the end of our rope....... My son too has had

changes

and

> is acting out, so much so he was hospitalized. I posted several posts over

last 2 days. All

> we can do is LOVE them, try to mantain order, take a break for ourselves, and

never give

> up! I know only to well the cycle over and over again. People think we are

weak when we

> give in but we are only trying to get some peace and calm. Hang in there!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Jan,

I am so sorry for what you are dealing with and too. I know the

feeling of losing your mind and thinking you need to be hospitalized,

cause I am feeling the same way. Your words ring in my ears as you

say how the cycle is repeated over and over. Its like I think I get

over one hurdle just to repeat it again over and over, you know how

collin has those intrusive thoughts, well he just obsesses over them

he cant let them go, and I tell him everyone has bad thoughts once in

a while but we let them go. I tell him these thoughts are not going

to hurt you, you wont do them , no one will do them to you, they cant

hurt you but he keeps obsessing. If he sees something on t.v. where

someone dies he thinks he will die. then he obsesses over this and

its getting to the point where I dont want him watching t.v. or being

on the computer cause he sees things like today " what happens when

you die " ? so now he is obsessing over this. I told him to just forget

about it but he cant. He is on meds for ocd, anxiety and mood

disorder so what more can I do, He sees a psychiatrist, psychologist,

social worker, behavioral worker, and on and on. What do I do, I feel

like I am losing my mind. When I finally think hes better he comes up

to me and tells me mom Im having those bad thoughts help me. What can

I do. I dont believe these thoughts are dangerous I just think its

his OCD cause he obsesses over everything. I believe we all have

thoughts of death or someone killing us its just our built in fear

but we let these thoughts go cause we know there is no reason to

worry about them but he cant let go. WHY??? Do you deal with any of

this if so what do you do. HELP ME! He has missed so much school its

ridiculous and I hear ya when it comes to homework it is nothing but

fighting tooth and nail with him and I cant take it, tonight he gave

me the finger and called me a fat ass, and yes, he is grounded for

the weekend and he lost his phone and all privledges to the

computer,but he really doesnt care. I am at my witts end. gina

>

> From: <dvisualize@...>

> Subject: ( ) Re: Not sure what is going on...Xbox

withdrawal????

>

> Date: Wednesday, September 24, 2008, 5:34 PM

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Hello Jan, Seems we are both at the end of our rope....... My son

too has had changes and

> is acting out, so much so he was hospitalized. I posted several

posts over last 2 days. All

> we can do is LOVE them, try to mantain order, take a break for

ourselves, and never give

> up! I know only to well the cycle over and over again. People think

we are weak when we

> give in but we are only trying to get some peace and calm. Hang in

there!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Jan,I've forgotten how old your son is, but I can tell you these see feelings that we all have. My son is 17 & I am still asking myself these things. My son with Aspergerd is 16 & we continue to struggle with homework & agression issues. It seems like it never ends. I will pray for you because I know how lonely & difficult it can get. I am fortunate that my pastor does make time to talk & pray with me weekly. Maybe it is because shelia a woman & a mother! Feel free to vent anytime.Sent from my iPhoneBlessings, DonnaOn Sep 24, 2008, at 7:36 PM, rushen janice <jrushen@...> wrote:

denise,,,,

I worry so much...he is not getting it...how will he work...is he really learning....what am I doing wrong...why is he so nasty....what do others think...I am so tired....tired of fighting....I want some fun....why why why...I want a nice night...a night of no fighting or being nasty....will they hold him back in school...am I babying him too much...how can i make him more responsible....I can't do this any more....how much are we to take...some days i feel like I need to be hospitalized....

Well we did find out one thing.....my son is AFRAID of homework...AFRAID it will be too hard...that he can't do it.....that is takes too long...he do it wrong...etc. etc. Wow! Whaat a revelation and we have always been there for him ...helping him...some days I even do the writing for him as he complains his hand hurts....sometimes i ask him orally ....but this really opened our eyes...He is afraid...

Another thing ...I have put my foot down...and told my husband...he better start helping...he said well you know more about it than me...so I said...then start learning as I did...go on the internet...read some of my books.

Thanks for posting me...it helps ...it really does...especially when my own minister can't spend 2 minute with me on the phone.....

Thanks

Jan

Jan Rushen

Smile because it is contagious!!!!

From: <dvisualize >Subject: ( ) Re: Not sure what is going on...Xbox withdrawal???? Date: Wednesday, September 24, 2008, 5:34 PM

Hello Jan, Seems we are both at the end of our rope....... My son too has had changes and is acting out, so much so he was hospitalized. I posted several posts over last 2 days. All we can do is LOVE them, try to mantain order, take a break for ourselves, and never give up! I know only to well the cycle over and over again. People think we are weak when we give in but we are only trying to get some peace and calm. Hang in there!

[Guest guest]

Jan,I feel sorry about you feeling so lonely in your fight.That you have to tell DH things he should likely think of himself. I feel sometimes like you.I feel it is mainly me who have learnt about AS over the last years since the dx, trying to adapt and handle situations and DH is just going on as he always did...........and hearing that your church is not supporting you either makes me feel even more sad. Maybe you could look for another congregation?--- Den tors 2008-09-25 skrev Donna <donnalmoore@...>:Från: Donna <donnalmoore@...>Ämne: Re: ( ) Re: Not sure what is going on...Xbox withdrawal????Till: " "

< >Kopia: " " < >Datum: torsdag 25 september 2008 05.59

Jan,I've forgotten how old your son is, but I can tell you these see feelings that we all have. My son is 17 & I am still asking myself these things. My son with Aspergerd is 16 & we continue to struggle with homework & agression issues. It seems like it never ends. I will pray for you because I know how lonely & difficult it can get. I am fortunate that my pastor does make time to talk & pray with me weekly. Maybe it is because shelia a woman & a mother! Feel free to vent anytime.Sent from my iPhoneBlessings, DonnaOn Sep 24, 2008, at 7:36 PM, rushen janice <jrushen (DOT) com> wrote:

denise,,,,

I worry so much...he is not getting it...how will he work...is he really learning.... what am I doing wrong...why is he so nasty....what do others think...I am so tired....tired of fighting.... I want some fun....why why why...I want a nice night...a night of no fighting or being nasty....will they hold him back in school...am I babying him too much...how can i make him more responsible. ...I can't do this any more....how much are we to take...some days i feel like I need to be hospitalized. ...

Well we did find out one thing.....my son is AFRAID of homework...AFRAID it will be too hard...that he can't do it.....that is takes too long...he do it wrong...etc. etc. Wow! Whaat a revelation and we have always been there for him ...helping him...some days I even do the writing for him as he complains his hand hurts....sometimes i ask him orally ....but this really opened our eyes...He is afraid...

Another thing ...I have put my foot down...and told my husband...he better start helping...he said well you know more about it than me...so I said...then start learning as I did...go on the internet...read some of my books.

Thanks for posting me...it helps ...it really does...especially when my own minister can't spend 2 minute with me on the phone.....

Thanks

Jan

Jan Rushen

Smile because it is contagious!! !!

From: <dvisualize (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Re: Not sure what is going on...Xbox withdrawal?? ?? Date: Wednesday, September 24, 2008, 5:34 PM

Hello Jan, Seems we are both at the end of our rope....... My son too has had changes and is acting out, so much so he was hospitalized. I posted several posts over last 2 days. All we can do is LOVE them, try to mantain order, take a break for ourselves, and never give up! I know only to well the cycle over and over again. People think we are weak when we give in but we are only trying to get some peace and calm. Hang in there!

Ta semester! - sök efter resor hos Kelkoo. Jämför pris på flygbiljetter och hotellrum: http://www.kelkoo.se/c-169901-resor-biljetter.html

[Guest guest]

Tell the agency, "If he could deal with changes, he wouldn't need a TSS." duh!

He needs to find something for right after school that he can do that helps him calm down and get rid of the problems he's had that day. Maybe you could help him come up with a few options and write them down so he can remember. I didn't read about the Xbox but I gather it was taken away? I let my ds cool off after school by playing nintendo. It was a great way for him to destress. Other ideas might be ride his bike around the block or swing for 20 minutes...whatever might work for him.

RoxannaYou're UniqueJust like everyone else...

( ) Not sure what is going on...Xbox withdrawal????

Hi! I know I am always asking for help...but I need some advice. I feel like I am at the end of my straw...School started and my son was doing okay. We got rid of his TSS who was just doing things his way or if it was convenient. Then we found our his old TSS was not coming back because she was assigned to someone else...so he has had two disappointments....and the agency tells me ...he has to learn to deal with changes...okay.But lately he is coming home nasty from school...tired and nasty. Today, I came home and walked in the kitchen to find the basket with the pens and pencils dumped all over the kitchen table. When he came home ...he walked slowly into the house...I was kind of kidding when I say Guess who has a mess to clean up....he screamed at me "I know" "You don't have to remind me..." but I know if I didn't he would leave it there just like everything else...he leaves his socks here and underwear there, phone here and there and the whole house becomes a wreck....and then you ask him to clean up and he starts in I will I will and never does...so then we have to start harping on him...it is a vicious circle....and I am ready to jump off.Help!jan

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com Version: 8.0.169 / Virus Database: 270.7.1/1688 - Release Date: 9/24/2008 6:29 AM

[Guest guest]

> But lately he is coming home nasty from school...tired and nasty.

> Today, I came home and walked in the kitchen to find the basket with

> the pens and pencils dumped all over the kitchen table. When he came

> home ...he walked slowly into the house...I was kind of kidding when

> I say Guess who has a mess to clean up....he screamed at me " I

> know " " You don't have to remind me... " but I know if I didn't he

> would leave it there just like everything else...he leaves his socks

> here and underwear there, phone here and there and the whole house

> becomes a wreck....and then you ask him to clean up and he starts in

> I will I will and never does...so then we have to start harping on

> him...it is a vicious circle....and I am ready to jump off.

We go through this too with our 13yo son with AS. We (and the

professionals we see) are coming to think that a lot of this type of

behavior is coming from anxiety. So, along with all the interventions

we are already doing (and I know you are too), he will soon be

starting medication for anxiety. That might be something for you to

think about. If he is already taking meds for anxiety, maybe they

need to be tweaked.

Ruth

[Guest guest]

> Well we did find out one thing.....my son is AFRAID of

homework...AFRAID it will be too hard...that he can't do it.....that

is takes too long...he do it wrong...etc. etc.� Wow! Whaat a revelation

We went through this exact same thing with our 13yo AS son (are still

going through, although not as bad). One thing we discovered is that

what is driving a lot of the fear is poor time sense and poor ability

to learn from experience. Our son couldn't look at a worksheet and

tell that it would only take a few minutes to do and would be easy. I

spent harrowing times " making " him do things, alternating between

encouraging him, pointing out that it wouldn't take as long/be as hard

as he thought between outbursts, leaving him alone, putting him in

time-outs to self-calm, especially in late elementary, so he could see

for himself and learn how long things take etc. It was absolutely

draining, but it did work. Of course, since AS kids don't generalize

that well, this hasn't gone away. But he's made huge progress in this

area. So, take heart--your hard work will pay off.

Ruth

[Guest guest]

Welll,,,,,Jan,,,,now that you throw all the other issues in the mix, ALL of it isn't pre-teen. I kind of giggle, cause I sounded kind of like I was poo-pooing you. I sure didn't mean to.

I don't know what to say,,,,,,sorry. I know that other gals here will have wonderful advice and words for you....

As far as your minister. Yep......time to move on. And you know what? It's ok. I think this came up before,,,,but when our lives and needs change, then sometimes, our churches, cars, clothes, need to as well.

Enjoy this time. You'll find what you need in a church and I bet, you're gonna be real blunt and open with them in the process. You need to be.

Good luck, lady.

Robin

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Not sure what is going on...Xbox withdrawal?? ?? Date: Wednesday, September 24, 2008, 4:23 PM

Hi! I know I am always asking for help...but I need some advice. I feel like I am at the end of my straw...School started and my son was doing okay. We got rid of his TSS who was just doing things his way or if it was convenient. Then we found our his old TSS was not coming back because she was assigned to someone else...so he has had two disappointments. ...and the agency tells me ...he has to learn to deal with changes...okay.But lately he is coming home nasty from school...tired and nasty. Today, I came home and walked in the kitchen to find the basket with the pens and pencils dumped all over the kitchen table. When he came home ...he walked slowly into the house...I was kind of kidding when I say Guess who has a mess to clean up....he screamed at me "I know" "You don't have to remind me..." but I know if I didn't he would leave it there just like everything else...he leaves his socks

here and underwear there, phone here and there and the whole house becomes a wreck....and then you ask him to clean up and he starts in I will I will and never does...so then we have to start harping on him...it is a vicious circle....and I am ready to jump off.Help!jan

[Guest guest]

Robin....just hearing from you helps me...and I didn't feel you were poo pooing me...sometimes I feel like this biggest whiner....the TSS, our Minister, etc. etc. but things are just not working out...and you are right about church....I could not beleive what she did to me yesterday...NO COMPASSION at all and I even say that could take the classes ...she didn't say that would be okay because of his disability....I think it is awful!

Maybe I will write a letter to someone one above her.

Jan

Jan Rushen

Smile because it is contagious!!!!

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Not sure what is going on...Xbox withdrawal?? ?? Date: Wednesday, September 24, 2008, 4:23 PM

Hi! I know I am always asking for help...but I need some advice. I feel like I am at the end of my straw...School started and my son was doing okay. We got rid of his TSS who was just doing things his way or if it was convenient. Then we found our his old TSS was not coming back because she was assigned to someone else...so he has had two disappointments. ...and the agency tells me ...he has to learn to deal with changes...okay.But lately he is coming home nasty from school...tired and nasty. Today, I came home and walked in the kitchen to find the basket with the pens and pencils dumped all over the kitchen table. When he came home ...he walked slowly into the house...I was kind of kidding when I say Guess who has a mess to clean up....he screamed at me "I know" "You don't have to remind me..." but I know if I didn't he would leave it there just like everything else...he leaves his socks

here and underwear there, phone here and there and the whole house becomes a wreck....and then you ask him to clean up and he starts in I will I will and never does...so then we have to start harping on him...it is a vicious circle....and I am ready to jump off.Help!jan

[Guest guest]

...that is exactly what i am going to do ...look for another church that is supportive. And, I told my husband I was ready to leave....and he started working with our son last night...let's see how long this lasts....

Jan

Jan Rushen

Smile because it is contagious!!!!

From: <dvisualize (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Re: Not sure what is going on...Xbox withdrawal?? ?? Date: Wednesday, September 24, 2008, 5:34 PM

Hello Jan, Seems we are both at the end of our rope....... My son too has had changes and is acting out, so much so he was hospitalized. I posted several posts over last 2 days. All we can do is LOVE them, try to mantain order, take a break for ourselves, and never give up! I know only to well the cycle over and over again. People think we are weak when we give in but we are only trying to get some peace and calm. Hang in there!

Ta semester! - sök efter resor hos Kelkoo. Jämför pris på flygbiljetter och hotellrum: http://www.kelkoo. se/c-169901- resor-biljetter. html

[Guest guest]

...it is so funny that we can help one another but have such a hard time dealing with our own.....

First I know how you feel about all these doctors and stuff....I feel like I have no life...TSS over the house 3 or 4 times a week, the BSC and Mobile therapist once a week each and then the tutor. I have to take him to the pscyhiatrist ...but when do I have time....I feel burnt out.

Second, when Collin comes to you and tells you he is having these thoughts...ask him to tell you EXACTLY what they are...listen to him...maybe in you bedroom on the soft bed...make him feel safe and warm and loved. See what he says....now depending on what Collin says...calm him and explain in great detal how this can not happen etc. And, then tell him if the thoughts come to his head...that is allowed only 5 min. a day to worry about it....and after that if the thoughts come to his head..he is to say to himself...I can't worry now becuase it is not time and I already did my worrying....it is time to do something else. See if he can do that....

Or tell him when these thoughts occur ...that he is to think of something wonderful or happy or exciting....tell him to replace these scary thoughts with good thoughts....and tell him he can do it....

, do you think you could home school him? that might help and then again it may not.

And, as far as giving you the finger...you did the right thing...tell him when he learns to be respectful ...he can have his stuff back.

Jan

Jan Rushen

Smile because it is contagious!!!!

From: gina <ginak1117@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Not sure what is going on...Xbox withdrawal???? Date: Wednesday, September 24, 2008, 11:57 PM

Jan,I am so sorry for what you are dealing with and too. I know the feeling of losing your mind and thinking you need to be hospitalized, cause I am feeling the same way. Your words ring in my ears as you say how the cycle is repeated over and over. Its like I think I get over one hurdle just to repeat it again over and over, you know how collin has those intrusive thoughts, well he just obsesses over them he cant let them go, and I tell him everyone has bad thoughts once in a while but we let them go. I tell him these thoughts are not going to hurt you, you wont do them , no one will do them to you, they cant hurt you but he keeps obsessing. If he sees something on t.v. where someone dies he thinks he will die. then he obsesses over this and its getting to the point where I dont want him watching t.v. or being on the computer cause he sees things like today "what happens when you die"?

so now he is obsessing over this. I told him to just forget about it but he cant. He is on meds for ocd, anxiety and mood disorder so what more can I do, He sees a psychiatrist, psychologist, social worker, behavioral worker, and on and on. What do I do, I feel like I am losing my mind. When I finally think hes better he comes up to me and tells me mom Im having those bad thoughts help me. What can I do. I dont believe these thoughts are dangerous I just think its his OCD cause he obsesses over everything. I believe we all have thoughts of death or someone killing us its just our built in fear but we let these thoughts go cause we know there is no reason to worry about them but he cant let go. WHY??? Do you deal with any of this if so what do you do. HELP ME! He has missed so much school its ridiculous and I hear ya when it comes to homework it is nothing but fighting tooth and nail with him and I cant

take it, tonight he gave me the finger and called me a fat ass, and yes, he is grounded for the weekend and he lost his phone and all privledges to the computer,but he really doesnt care. I am at my witts end. gina> > From: <dvisualize@ ...>> Subject: ( ) Re: Not sure what is going on...Xbox withdrawal?? ??> > Date: Wednesday, September 24, 2008, 5:34 PM> > > > > > > Hello Jan, Seems we are both at the end of our rope....... My son too has had changes and > is acting out, so much so he was hospitalized. I posted several posts over last 2 days. All > we can do is LOVE them, try to mantain order, take a break for ourselves, and never give > up! I know only to well the cycle over and over again. People think we are weak when we

> give in but we are only trying to get some peace and calm. Hang in there! > > >

[Guest guest]

thank you ...my son goes in spurts....but when he is with his friends or on Xbox Live...forget it ...you can not talk to him...but 5 am this morning he would not be quiet...and that is my quiet coffee time before I get up. So I told him.......you don't want me to talk when you are on Xbox...well this is my quiet time and I don't want you to talk...LOL!!

As I am writing...I am realizing what is going on....my son has been asleep since 3:45 pm. He got off the bus and went to bed. Then I hear the skateborads outside....Shane (who worships) and is 15....is out there with another boy on a skateboard....then they left and now they are back with 3 more boys who I don't know at all. did tell me that one of Shane's friends was making fun of him and that he was pissed at Shane. I heard him tell his friend, , on Xbox ...that they were setting him up...he won't admit he said that...so I am not exactly sure what is going on....but why do they have to be right in front of my house....it is like they are teasing my son....I HATE THIS! Don't they realize how cruel they are!!! OMG...I would like to go out there and tell them to go somewhere else !!! But I can't fight his battles....

Jan

Jan Rushen

Smile because it is contagious!!!!

From: <dvisualize@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Not sure what is going on...Xbox withdrawal???? Date: Wednesday, September 24, 2008, 10:15 PM

I feel the same way Jan just so tired of the constant battle. Im too trying to make my son more responsible nothing is working here either. My fiance just left us because he is afraid of my son. while he is not entirely gone, its left everything up in the air. We need to figure out ways to boost our childrens confidence, they have so much fear! How do we assure them? As much as we love and care about our asperger children we musnt forget ourselves, because if we arent well how can we best care for them? hopefully all the wonderful support we get here and hopfully at home, we can find some balance. I also am dealing with my own mental illness as i have bipolar. All we can do is KEEP POSITIVE, find things that we can enjoy with our children. My son and i went for a walk on trails in woods tonight and had really good talk. We just got to keep supporting our children and love them for who they are. Hang in there!

Does your child constantly talk? Mine does! Hes over my shoulder talking up a blue streak! > > From: <dvisualize@ ...>> Subject: ( ) Re: Not sure what is going on...Xbox withdrawal?? ??> > Date: Wednesday, September 24, 2008, 5:34 PM> > > > > > > Hello Jan, Seems we are both at the end of our rope....... My son too has had changes and > is acting out, so much so he was hospitalized. I posted several posts over last 2 days. All > we can do is LOVE them, try to mantain order, take a break for ourselves, and never give > up! I know only to well the cycle over and over again. People think we are weak when we > give in but we are only trying to get some peace and calm. Hang in there! > >

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Robin....just hearing from� you helps me...and I didn't feel you

were poo pooing me...sometimes I feel like this biggest whiner....the

TSS, our Minister, etc. etc. but things are just not working out...and

you are right about church....I could not beleive what she did to me

yesterday...NO COMPASSION at all and I even say that could take

the classes ...she didn't say that would be okay because of his

disability....I think it is awful!

> Maybe I will write a letter to someone one above her.

Didn't you say this was a Methodist church? I love the idea of

writing the bishop. --Ruth

[Guest guest]

I've found that with his school environment, if there is

anything problematic about it, will cause him to bring home some

major aggression. He's matured quite a bit now so handles it better

and actually we're in a GREAT place in terms of school. I took him

to a fabulous developmental pediatrician in Lebanon, NH (I live about

1.5 hours from there). Dr. Lawrence Kaplan. He works at Dartmouth-

Hitchcock Medical Center. He also has worked with Dr. Volkmer (sp)

who is a researcher specializing in Asperger Syndrome at Yale

University. He knows more about AS than anyone I've ever encountered

except maybe parents and their understanding of their own kids. He

was able to explain some things to me that nobody else even seemed to

notice. Like 's odd speech pattern. He repeats the ends of

words a lot. The doctor said it is partly an anxiety problem and

partly a possible neurological problem which he said was kind of like

a " speech dispraxia " .

Dr. Kaplan wrote a long report with lots of suggestions for the

school. He said that asperger people have a lot of comorbid

conditions that sort of come and go. They might have a phase of

being extremely obsessive and then once their environment changes it

will be something else. If the environment improves then a lot of

things disappear. We thought at one time that was having

psychotic episodes. He was screaming in math class. He had recently

been moved into the regular classroom for it. They were slowly

working with him on coping skills and integrating him more and more

into general ed instead of a more restrictive environment. We took

him out of that environment and what had appeared to be psychotic

episodes disappeared. We never medicated him because the never was a

problem again.

As for video games. I recently started restricting my son's " screen

time " . It was a struggle for a while but he's gotten accustomed to

it and now is doing his homework much more easily. I ask him to do

his homework BEFORE he gets any computer time. He's so much more

engaged now and last night he spent a long time writing a paragraph.

That is highly unusual. I could see he was really thinking about

it. He is allowed to write everything except spelling words on the

computer. They're afraid he'll cheat and use the spell checker.

Last year always dictated to me. This year he's saying, " It's

okay, I can do it myself. " WOW!

For restricting computer use I have a program called childsafe. You

can get it on the web from a company called webroot. I expect you

can google that. It has helped, though I think there may be better

programs out there for this. I'm still working on trying to restrict

TV. They can always get it back on again!! has never really

had restrictions as far as games and TV go. He did it ALL the time.

I feel so much better now that he's not on the computer all the

time. I've done the same thing with my daughter. Bedtime is more

consistent, homework time is easier and I have a lot less mom guilt!

Anyway, I'm not sure if any of this has helped. It sounds like your

son might need some accomodations at school and in homework.

can do all his writing on the computer. Sometimes I only make him do

every other math problem. Or sometimes I only make him show his work

on one or two problems. His school is great about letting parents

decide what their kids need regarding homework! If you let them know

they won't take points off. I told them would be frustrated and

upset if he had to write his spelling words 3 times. He's a good

speller so doesn't need this much practice. Sometimes I just ask him

to spell the words out loud to me. I say the word and he tells me

how it is spelled. I love his school!

Miriam

>

> Hi! I know I am always asking for help...but I need some advice. I

> feel like I am at the end of my straw...

>

> School started and my son was doing okay. We got rid of his TSS

who

> was just doing things his way or if it was convenient. Then we

found

> our his old TSS was not coming back because she was assigned to

> someone else...so he has had two disappointments....and the agency

> tells me ...he has to learn to deal with changes...okay.

>

> But lately he is coming home nasty from school...tired and nasty.

> Today, I came home and walked in the kitchen to find the basket

with

> the pens and pencils dumped all over the kitchen table. When he

came

> home ...he walked slowly into the house...I was kind of kidding

when

> I say Guess who has a mess to clean up....he screamed at me " I

> know " " You don't have to remind me... " but I know if I didn't he

> would leave it there just like everything else...he leaves his

socks

> here and underwear there, phone here and there and the whole house

> becomes a wreck....and then you ask him to clean up and he starts

in

> I will I will and never does...so then we have to start harping on

> him...it is a vicious circle....and I am ready to jump off.

>

> Help!

>

> jan

>

[Guest guest]

miram....

Thank you for your long post and writing about what the doctor said to you. I think you were right...about the environment...things going wrong in school....he felt his teacher was unfair to him ...making him finish the reading assignment and not making the others finish. He then shut down in math...so then he had to finish the math too...plus he had 9 science words...to look up....he was fustrated becuase the teacher said they could not use the glossary in the back of the book...it has to be found in the chapter...it frightened him and overwhelmed him....

It is amazing what happens to our children when they are anxious. After battling all night we finally got the homework all done...told him see ...it wasn't that bad and we could have had it done in 1 hour. Sometime I try to ease things up for him....write the math problems donw so he just has to solve them....read things to him and make him tell me the answers. I have always told my son we are here to help him and lift the anxiety and some of the weight off him. Later that night my husband talked to him about homework...and my son admitted he was AFRAID of homework. Wow...that is some insight....he probably gets very anxious about it.

We too have limited Video games. It does improve him over the long run when he is not on it.... in fact last night we caught him up at 10:30 pm reading a book...reading! Wow!

We too have a rule ....no tv, xbox until all homework is done....

Thanks for the advice....

Jan

Jan Rushen

Smile because it is contagious!!!!

From: Miriam <callis4773@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Not sure what is going on...Xbox withdrawal???? Date: Friday, September 26, 2008, 7:44 AM

I've found that with his school environment, if there is anything problematic about it, will cause him to bring home some major aggression. He's matured quite a bit now so handles it better and actually we're in a GREAT place in terms of school. I took him to a fabulous developmental pediatrician in Lebanon, NH (I live about 1.5 hours from there). Dr. Lawrence Kaplan. He works at Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center. He also has worked with Dr. Volkmer (sp) who is a researcher specializing in Asperger Syndrome at Yale University. He knows more about AS than anyone I've ever encountered except maybe parents and their understanding of their own kids. He was able to explain some things to me that nobody else even seemed to notice. Like 's odd speech pattern. He repeats the ends of words a lot. The doctor said it is partly an anxiety problem and partly a possible neurological problem which he

said was kind of like a "speech dispraxia". Dr. Kaplan wrote a long report with lots of suggestions for the school. He said that asperger people have a lot of comorbid conditions that sort of come and go. They might have a phase of being extremely obsessive and then once their environment changes it will be something else. If the environment improves then a lot of things disappear. We thought at one time that was having psychotic episodes. He was screaming in math class. He had recently been moved into the regular classroom for it. They were slowly working with him on coping skills and integrating him more and more into general ed instead of a more restrictive environment. We took him out of that environment and what had appeared to be psychotic episodes disappeared. We never medicated him because the never was a problem again.As for video games. I recently started restricting my

son's "screen time". It was a struggle for a while but he's gotten accustomed to it and now is doing his homework much more easily. I ask him to do his homework BEFORE he gets any computer time. He's so much more engaged now and last night he spent a long time writing a paragraph. That is highly unusual. I could see he was really thinking about it. He is allowed to write everything except spelling words on the computer. They're afraid he'll cheat and use the spell checker. Last year always dictated to me. This year he's saying, "It's okay, I can do it myself." WOW!For restricting computer use I have a program called childsafe. You can get it on the web from a company called webroot. I expect you can google that. It has helped, though I think there may be better programs out there for this. I'm still working on trying to restrict TV. They can always get it back on again!! has never

really had restrictions as far as games and TV go. He did it ALL the time. I feel so much better now that he's not on the computer all the time. I've done the same thing with my daughter. Bedtime is more consistent, homework time is easier and I have a lot less mom guilt!Anyway, I'm not sure if any of this has helped. It sounds like your son might need some accomodations at school and in homework. can do all his writing on the computer. Sometimes I only make him do every other math problem. Or sometimes I only make him show his work on one or two problems. His school is great about letting parents decide what their kids need regarding homework! If you let them know they won't take points off. I told them would be frustrated and upset if he had to write his spelling words 3 times. He's a good speller so doesn't need this much practice. Sometimes I just ask him to spell the words out

loud to me. I say the word and he tells me how it is spelled. I love his school!Miriam>> Hi! I know I am always asking for help...but I need some advice. I > feel like I am at the end of my straw...> > School started and my son was doing okay. We got rid of his TSS who > was just doing things his way or if it was convenient. Then we found > our his old TSS was not coming back because she was assigned to > someone else...so he has had two disappointments. ...and the agency > tells me ...he has to learn to deal with changes...okay.> > But lately he is coming home nasty from school...tired and nasty. > Today, I came home and walked in the kitchen to find the basket with >

the pens and pencils dumped all over the kitchen table. When he came > home ...he walked slowly into the house...I was kind of kidding when > I say Guess who has a mess to clean up....he screamed at me "I > know" "You don't have to remind me..." but I know if I didn't he > would leave it there just like everything else...he leaves his socks > here and underwear there, phone here and there and the whole house > becomes a wreck....and then you ask him to clean up and he starts in > I will I will and never does...so then we have to start harping on > him...it is a vicious circle....and I am ready to jump off.> > Help!> > jan>

[Guest guest]

Hi jan,

Its gina, I just was checking my emails and read your post about the

boys that are teasing david. Isnt one of these boys a friend he plays

with on a regular basis or is this the boy you didnt want him to play

with?? Have you ever just tried talking to the boys and explaining

how mean it is with what they are doing to david?? Maybe you could

talk to their moms. I dread when collin reaches that age. He will be

starting middle school next year and I know there is going to be alot

of teasing and Im worried because collin has such a bad temper that

he will be getting into physical altercations with some kids. Do the

worries ever stop?? I dont think so. I thought the older he got the

easier it would be but it seems to be quite the opposite for him

right now. Hope everything goes well with david, I will talk to ya

later, gina xoxo

> >

> > From: <dvisualize@ ...>

> > Subject: ( ) Re: Not sure what is going on...Xbox

withdrawal?? ??

> >

> > Date: Wednesday, September 24, 2008, 5:34 PM

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Hello Jan, Seems we are both at the end of our rope....... My son

too has had changes

> and

> > is acting out, so much so he was hospitalized. I posted several

posts over last 2 days. All

> > we can do is LOVE them, try to mantain order, take a break for

ourselves, and never give

> > up! I know only to well the cycle over and over again. People

think we are weak when we

> > give in but we are only trying to get some peace and calm. Hang

in there!

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Miriam.....

That was wonderful....he is some writer....maybe he will publish a book some day..WOW! My son can not write that well nor can the 11th graders I work with. I am so happy for you...he sounds wonderful.

Jan

Jan Rushen

Smile because it is contagious!!!!

From: Miriam <callis4773@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Not sure what is going on...Xbox withdrawal???? Date: Friday, September 26, 2008, 9:18 PM

It really is amazing to compare a good school environment to a bad one. was in a terrible school in Texas and he was miserable. I kept thinking, "Where has my happy little boy gone?" Then he was transferred to another school in the district that had a centralized social skills classroom just for kids with high functioning autism or asperger syndrome. He went from doing no class or homework at all, having extreme issues with aggression, meltdowns every day, depression and anxiety (age 7) to a complete 180 within weeks of starting the school with the CSSC which was a good environment. The aggression declined and was nearly gone by age 9. 's first year there he won the Principal's award for good citizenship because of his improved behavior. He won an award for his artwork and he started writing poetry. He's an amazing poet! I love to read his work. Here is his latest. He had an

assignment to write about his thumbprint using analogies:"The comet moving slowly in the light-ridden space.The ripples it leaves behind in space like its water.The ripples slowly becoming more psychadellic.In the comets movement a vortex forms in the middle of it.From all of these things the weirdness of space is born."Here's a thing he wrote about his sister. Not a poem but about why she's his best friend."Rayleigh is my sister which automatically makes her my best friend. We are siblings. We play all the same video games. We play Super Smash Brothers Melee for the Gamecube and want to get a Wii along with Super Smash Brothers Brawl. It has a character named Lucas from Earthbound 2. My sister and I play MMORPGs (Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games). We enjoy them a lot.When we're not playing video games we just resort to our computers, but if there's something

very cool going on inside or outside then we take part in that. We like to have snowball fights when there is enough snow. Sometimes we go bowling. Back in Texas I had a trampoline but it's gone now that we're in New Hampshire. We liked to go boing boing boing boing. When there was ice on the trampoline we liked to slip on it. On occasion we will watch some TV. Sometimes we like to watch videos on our computer.We have brown hair. We are both very smart and sometimes we like to read together.There are lots of things that are different about us even though there are lots of things that are the same about us. I like Greek Mythology so I like swords used in Greek Mythology. I'm a guy and she's a girl. I have Asperger Syndrome my sister is Neurotypical. We both go to different schools. I go to *******. She goes to *******. I have short hair. She has long hair. I played baseball last year while

she likes shoes, did ballet and plays with dolls. Rayleigh has a hamster. I have a dog.Rayleigh and I like to eat different food. Rayleigh eats shrimp, vegetables, spaghetti with sauce and she likes steak. I seem to like Ramen and Nuggets. We also both like to eat peanut butter and jelly.My sister seems to do a lot of stuff that really interests me but then she starts to annoy me. She probably has no idea she has annoyed me until I go screaming a lot and then she has no idea why I'm screaming so she thinks about it. And then finally comes up with the conclusion that she annoyed me. And then I just go up to my room and watch videos and then I just try to find her and it turns out she's by my side.She seems to like it when I am imitating certain things that she likes.My sister is my best friend because I love her and we're in the same family. Either way I look at it I'm stuck

with her for the rest of my life until I die so I figure I just make the best of what I have. I understand why she acts the way she does. Rayleigh always makes the funnest games. When the game is over I stop and think what I'd be doing right now if I didn't have a sister like her. I don't want to have any other girl for my sister besides her. So I try to keep her happy. But if she gets on my nerves I go crazy."I have a nice little collection of all of his poems and stories now.Miriam> miram....> > Thank you for your long post and writing about what the doctor said to you. I think you were right...about the environment. ..things going wrong in school....he felt his teacher was unfair to him ...making him finish the reading assignment and not making the others finish. He then shut down in math...so then he had to finish the math too...plus he had 9

science words...to look up....he was fustrated becuase the teacher said they could not use the glossary in the back of the book...it has to be found in the chapter...it frightened him and overwhelmed him....> > It is amazing what happens to our children when they are anxious. After battling all night we finally got the homework all done...told him see ...it wasn't that bad and we could have had it done in 1 hour. Sometime I try to ease things up for him....write the math problems donw so he just has to solve them....read things to him and make him tell me the answers. I have always told my son we are here to help him and lift the anxiety and some of the weight off him. Later that night my husband talked to him about homework...and my son admitted he was AFRAID of homework. Wow...that is some insight....he probably gets very anxious about it.> > We

too have limited Video games. It does improve him over the long run when he is not on it.... in fact last night we caught him up at 10:30 pm reading a book...reading! Wow!> We too have a rule ....no tv, xbox until all homework is done....> > Thanks for the advice....> > Jan> > > Jan Rushen> Smile because it is contagious!! !!

[Guest guest]

I thought of 2 things ....

1. Tell him he is only allowed to worry about it for 5 min a day...and if the thoughts come to after that...he is to tell himself.....that he already used his 5 min.of worry and he can't worry about that now.

2. Tell him when these thoughts come to him...he is to think of something fun or happy or exciting....something he loves.

3. Explain to him about death and that you will not be dying for a long long long time. was afriad of me dying...he didn't want to grow up becuase he was afraid of me dying...andn I think he thinks he would be all alone in this world.

4. Don't let him watch anything scary at all!

These are just some of my thoughts....

Jan

Jan Rushen

Smile because it is contagious!!!!

From: gina <ginak1117@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Not sure what is going on...Xbox withdrawal???? Date: Friday, September 26, 2008, 6:22 PM

Hi Jan,Its gina again, like I said Im going through my emails trying to catch up with my postings. To answer your question about asking collin what these bad thoughts are and how do I handle it, this is what he says and what I say: He tells me his thoughts are of death and him dying and me dying and he saw the cord on his wii game and thought that it looked like a hangmans noose and was afraid that because he thought it looked like that he wanted to hang himself, these are some of them and some of them are a little more graphic,and it scares me so I can see how it scares him, but I tell him that these thoughts can not hurt him, they cant make him do any of these things, no one else will do these things to him and they are all fake that his brain is playing games with him and he needs to take control of his thoughts, I taught him this technique of STOP CANCEL THOUGHTS he says it eyery time a

thought comes into his head and it is suppose to train the brain that everytime the thought enters the brain it will automatically shut it out, It works sometimes but other times it doesnt, and I do take him to a quite place and I do breathing tecniques with him and he has a stress ball he squeezes, and we talk quietly about happy things. Its just that sometimes he obsesses with this for days at a time and it can be very overwhelming, he takes meds for it so I guess things could be alot worse, I dont want to imagine that but they could. I just worry that when he gets older he could act out on them if they take his thoughts over, it scares me to death, what can I do other than what Im already doing?? Any advice from anyone would be greatfully appreciated. The doctors tell me they are just obsessive thoughts and he doesnt want to hurt himself or anyone else they are just thoughts he cant control. The doc

told me everyone has bad thoughts at times but we dont obsess on them we let them come and go but he cant do that. So How can I help him better control these thoughts?? Thanks for listening gina xoxo > > > > From: <dvisualize@ ...>> > Subject: ( ) Re: Not sure what is going on...Xbox > withdrawal?? ??> > > > Date: Wednesday, September 24, 2008, 5:34 PM> > > > > > > > > > > > > > Hello Jan, Seems we are both at the end of our rope....... My son > too has had changes and > > is acting out, so much so he was hospitalized. I posted several > posts over last 2 days. All >

> we can do is LOVE them, try to mantain order, take a break for > ourselves, and never give > > up! I know only to well the cycle over and over again. People think > we are weak when we > > give in but we are only trying to get some peace and calm. Hang in > there! > > > > > >>

[Guest guest]

Well, I found out that it was a friend of Shane's that was making fun of him...not Shane. I can't talk to Shane mom as she hates us now ... is not allowed to call there or go up there...and she is a Christian....????? But handled it. told the mobile therapist he wants to handle his own stuff ...and not have me get in the middle...okay...but I am still going to check him homework and keep in touch with his teachers.

Jan

Jan Rushen

Smile because it is contagious!!!!

From: gina <ginak1117@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Not sure what is going on...Xbox withdrawal???? Date: Friday, September 26, 2008, 6:09 PM

Hi jan,Its gina, I just was checking my emails and read your post about the boys that are teasing david. Isnt one of these boys a friend he plays with on a regular basis or is this the boy you didnt want him to play with?? Have you ever just tried talking to the boys and explaining how mean it is with what they are doing to david?? Maybe you could talk to their moms. I dread when collin reaches that age. He will be starting middle school next year and I know there is going to be alot of teasing and Im worried because collin has such a bad temper that he will be getting into physical altercations with some kids. Do the worries ever stop?? I dont think so. I thought the older he got the easier it would be but it seems to be quite the opposite for him right now. Hope everything goes well with david, I will talk to ya later, gina xoxo> > > > From: <dvisualize@ ...>> > Subject: ( ) Re: Not sure what is going on...Xbox withdrawal?? ??> > > > Date: Wednesday, September 24, 2008, 5:34 PM> > > > > > > > > > > > > > Hello Jan, Seems we are both at the end of our rope....... My son too has had changes > and > > is acting out, so much so he was hospitalized. I posted several

posts over last 2 days. All > > we can do is LOVE them, try to mantain order, take a break for ourselves, and never give > > up! I know only to well the cycle over and over again. People think we are weak when we > > give in but we are only trying to get some peace and calm. Hang in there! > > > > > >>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Jan, I really appreciate your ideas,

> > >

> > > From: <dvisualize@ ...>

> > > Subject: ( ) Re: Not sure what is going

on...Xbox

> > withdrawal?? ??

> > >

> > > Date: Wednesday, September 24, 2008, 5:34 PM

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Hello Jan, Seems we are both at the end of our rope....... My

son

> > too has had changes and

> > > is acting out, so much so he was hospitalized. I posted several

> > posts over last 2 days. All

> > > we can do is LOVE them, try to mantain order, take a break for

> > ourselves, and never give

> > > up! I know only to well the cycle over and over again. People

> think

> > we are weak when we

> > > give in but we are only trying to get some peace and calm. Hang

> in

> > there!

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Miriam,

what a cute essay about his sister! I love it when he says she is his sister for life so he should just make the best of it. lol.

Also, when he talks about the online gaming - he said that just like my 12 yo (hfa) does.

I also wanted to say, you are 100% correct regarding the correct school environment. My own ds went from spending his days shredding paper in a classroom by himself to full inclusion and participation just after changing him to a new team and a new sped teacher. He got one who understood how to deal with him and it was like night and day.

RoxannaYou're UniqueJust like everyone else...

( ) Re: Not sure what is going on...Xbox withdrawal????

It really is amazing to compare a good school environment to a bad one. was in a terrible school in Texas and he was miserable. I kept thinking, "Where has my happy little boy gone?" Then he was transferred to another school in the district that had a centralized social skills classroom just for kids with high functioning autism or asperger syndrome. He went from doing no class or homework at all, having extreme issues with aggression, meltdowns every day, depression and anxiety (age 7) to a complete 180 within weeks of starting the school with the CSSC which was a good environment. The aggression declined and was nearly gone by age 9. 's first year there he won the Principal's award for good citizenship because of his improved behavior. He won an award for his artwork and he started writing poetry. He's an amazing poet! I love to read his work. Here is his latest. He had an assignment to write about his thumbprint using analogies:"The comet moving slowly in the light-ridden space.The ripples it leaves behind in space like its water.The ripples slowly becoming more psychadellic.In the comets movement a vortex forms in the middle of it.From all of these things the weirdness of space is born."Here's a thing he wrote about his sister. Not a poem but about why she's his best friend."Rayleigh is my sister which automatically makes her my best friend. We are siblings. We play all the same video games. We play Super Smash Brothers Melee for the Gamecube and want to get a Wii along with Super Smash Brothers Brawl. It has a character named Lucas from Earthbound 2. My sister and I play MMORPGs (Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games). We enjoy them a lot.When we're not playing video games we just resort to our computers, but if there's something very cool going on inside or outside then we take part in that. We like to have snowball fights when there is enough snow. Sometimes we go bowling. Back in Texas I had a trampoline but it's gone now that we're in New Hampshire. We liked to go boing boing boing boing. When there was ice on the trampoline we liked to slip on it. On occasion we will watch some TV. Sometimes we like to watch videos on our computer.We have brown hair. We are both very smart and sometimes we like to read together.There are lots of things that are different about us even though there are lots of things that are the same about us. I like Greek Mythology so I like swords used in Greek Mythology. I'm a guy and she's a girl. I have Asperger Syndrome my sister is Neurotypical. We both go to different schools. I go to *******. She goes to *******. I have short hair. She has long hair. I played baseball last year while she likes shoes, did ballet and plays with dolls. Rayleigh has a hamster. I have a dog.Rayleigh and I like to eat different food. Rayleigh eats shrimp, vegetables, spaghetti with sauce and she likes steak. I seem to like Ramen and Nuggets. We also both like to eat peanut butter and jelly.My sister seems to do a lot of stuff that really interests me but then she starts to annoy me. She probably has no idea she has annoyed me until I go screaming a lot and then she has no idea why I'm screaming so she thinks about it. And then finally comes up with the conclusion that she annoyed me. And then I just go up to my room and watch videos and then I just try to find her and it turns out she's by my side.She seems to like it when I am imitating certain things that she likes.My sister is my best friend because I love her and we're in the same family. Either way I look at it I'm stuck with her for the rest of my life until I die so I figure I just make the best of what I have. I understand why she acts the way she does. Rayleigh always makes the funnest games. When the game is over I stop and think what I'd be doing right now if I didn't have a sister like her. I don't want to have any other girl for my sister besides her. So I try to keep her happy. But if she gets on my nerves I go crazy."I have a nice little collection of all of his poems and stories now.Miriam> miram....>

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com Version: 8.0.169 / Virus Database: 270.7.3/1693 - Release Date: 9/26/2008 7:35 AM

[Guest guest]

It's so nice to have people around who understand. Who really get

what I'm saying. I'm constantly pondering these things and thinking

and I think I really know what my kid needs and I think most parents

of kids with AS know what their children need and often schools don't

believe that. It's like when children were separated from their

mothers because they thought autism was caused by something being

wrong with the mother. They STILL try to blame us. And of course we

all blame ourselves at one point or another but we're all really

great parents because we think things out over and over we're

constantly struggling to find just the right combination of

flexibility and consistency. Then our children get to school and

suddenly everything we've done is wrong! I was very fortunate that

before I went to Texas I was in land at a school where parents

were valued. They told me, " You're the best possible parent. You've

done all the right things. would be much lower functioning

without your support, love and constant efforts to do what he

needs. " These kinds of statements came from all over the place.

Doctors, psychologists, educators. Then in Texas the special ed team

leader tried to tell me was emotionally disturbed and I could

say, " Well, he wasn't before we moved here. " They tried to blame the

move. My husband made the mistake of saying, " Things are not very

structured at home. " So a home educator was suggested. I was more

than happy to have someone come in and help. The home educator came

in and said, " You guys are doing a great job, you're doing all the

things I've been sent here to teach you. " Nobody tried to blame me

after that.

Anyway, sorry I'm so wordy, I just get so wound up thinking about the

bad times sometimes. I did make some peace with that special ed team

leader. She was a coach for Angel League Baseball. It's a league

for special needs kids. I visited with her and told her how

fabulously was doing. Between the lines I was thinking, " Yeah,

how much better he's doing now he's away from you! " Later I talked

to one of the organizers for the league and mentioned my encounter

with our former sped team leader and the organizer said, " Wait, she's

a special education teacher?! She's not one of our better

volunteers. " I laughed and laughed.

Miriam

>

> Miriam,

> what a cute essay about his sister! I love it when he says she is

his sister for life so he should just make the best of it. lol.

>

> Also, when he talks about the online gaming - he said that just

like my 12 yo (hfa) does.

>

> I also wanted to say, you are 100% correct regarding the correct

school environment. My own ds went from spending his days shredding

paper in a classroom by himself to full inclusion and participation

just after changing him to a new team and a new sped teacher. He got

one who understood how to deal with him and it was like night and day.

>

> Roxanna

> You're Unique

> Just like everyone else...

> ( ) Re: Not sure what is going on...Xbox

withdrawal????

>

>

> It really is amazing to compare a good school environment to a

bad

> one. was in a terrible school in Texas and he was miserable.

I

> kept thinking, " Where has my happy little boy gone? " Then he was

> transferred to another school in the district that had a

centralized

> social skills classroom just for kids with high functioning

autism or

> asperger syndrome. He went from doing no class or homework at

all,

> having extreme issues with aggression, meltdowns every day,

> depression and anxiety (age 7) to a complete 180 within weeks of

> starting the school with the CSSC which was a good environment.

The

> aggression declined and was nearly gone by age 9. 's first

year

> there he won the Principal's award for good citizenship because

of

> his improved behavior. He won an award for his artwork and he

> started writing poetry. He's an amazing poet! I love to read his

> work.

>

> Here is his latest. He had an assignment to write about his

> thumbprint using analogies:

>

> " The comet moving slowly in the light-ridden space.

> The ripples it leaves behind in space like its water.

> The ripples slowly becoming more psychadellic.

> In the comets movement a vortex forms in the middle of it.

> From all of these things the weirdness of space is born. "

>

> Here's a thing he wrote about his sister. Not a poem but about

why

> she's his best friend.

>

> " Rayleigh is my sister which automatically makes her my best

friend.

> We are siblings. We play all the same video games. We play Super

> Smash Brothers Melee for the Gamecube and want to get a Wii along

> with Super Smash Brothers Brawl. It has a character named Lucas

from

> Earthbound 2. My sister and I play MMORPGs (Massively Multiplayer

> Online Role Playing Games). We enjoy them a lot.

>

> When we're not playing video games we just resort to our

computers,

> but if there's something very cool going on inside or outside

then we

> take part in that. We like to have snowball fights when there is

> enough snow. Sometimes we go bowling. Back in Texas I had a

> trampoline but it's gone now that we're in New Hampshire. We

liked to

> go boing boing boing boing. When there was ice on the trampoline

we

> liked to slip on it. On occasion we will watch some TV. Sometimes

we

> like to watch videos on our computer.

>

> We have brown hair. We are both very smart and sometimes we like

to

> read together.

>

> There are lots of things that are different about us even though

> there are lots of things that are the same about us. I like Greek

> Mythology so I like swords used in Greek Mythology. I'm a guy and

> she's a girl. I have Asperger Syndrome my sister is Neurotypical.

We

> both go to different schools. I go to *******. She goes to

*******. I

> have short hair. She has long hair. I played baseball last year

while

> she likes shoes, did ballet and plays with dolls. Rayleigh has a

> hamster. I have a dog.

>

> Rayleigh and I like to eat different food. Rayleigh eats shrimp,

> vegetables, spaghetti with sauce and she likes steak. I seem to

like

> Ramen and Nuggets. We also both like to eat peanut butter and

jelly.

>

> My sister seems to do a lot of stuff that really interests me but

> then she starts to annoy me. She probably has no idea she has

annoyed

> me until I go screaming a lot and then she has no idea why I'm

> screaming so she thinks about it. And then finally comes up with

the

> conclusion that she annoyed me. And then I just go up to my room

and

> watch videos and then I just try to find her and it turns out

she's

> by my side.

>

> She seems to like it when I am imitating certain things that she

> likes.

>

> My sister is my best friend because I love her and we're in the

same

> family. Either way I look at it I'm stuck with her for the rest

of my

> life until I die so I figure I just make the best of what I have.

I

> understand why she acts the way she does. Rayleigh always makes

the

> funnest games. When the game is over I stop and think what I'd be

> doing right now if I didn't have a sister like her. I don't want

to

> have any other girl for my sister besides her. So I try to keep

her

> happy. But if she gets on my nerves I go crazy. "

>

> I have a nice little collection of all of his poems and stories

now.

>

> Miriam

>

> > miram....

> >

>

>

> .

>

>

>

> --------------------------------------------------------------------

----------

>

>

>

> No virus found in this incoming message.

> Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com

> Version: 8.0.169 / Virus Database: 270.7.3/1693 - Release Date:

9/26/2008 7:35 AM

>

[Guest guest]

Miriam....

You are so right...and I am glad you are no longer in Texas....that state is awful as far as accommodating and helping our children.

It is funny becuase it seems when I think I know what is happening or going on and have it figured ...he throws me a curve ball. It is still new in the year...but I think this will be a better year yet...I still need to let his Sped teacher know some more information about AS and my son....but so far the school has been accommodating....

He is in 7th grade now ...6th grade was pretty good but 5th grade was HORRIBLE and mainly because of his case manger /sped teacher who he then got in 6th grade just for Reading. But she is out of the picture now....what a difference....it is so amazing how our children can turn around 100% for the right teacher and the right setting...so far he has gotten a 90 in math, 90 in science and a 89 in reading....

We did find out that homework scares him...he is afraid he can't do it, that is too much, that it will take too long, it will be too hard, etc. etc. Now that we know this ...we can work on it....and he finally did his science vocab words all by himself. Wow!

And, he is now sleeping in his own bed ....5 nights in a row and he likes it...he has matured alot....now I need to continue teaching him to be responsible, neat and oranganized....ha ha! And, I told him that I fought for him to get 4 little breaks during the day and that I want him to take them...I am going to ask the teacher if I can bring in a beanbag chair...somewhere he could go for 5 or 10 min. to unwind.....I told him that he may not think he needs it ...but he really does and if he takes advantage of it...he would not come home so moody.

I also have been talking to him about advocating for himself and to learn to ask questions or let the teachers know how he feels.....he has a fear of telling them...thinks he will be sent to the principal....I told him that I will back him up 100% as long as he speaks calmly and respectfully to the teacher. I think he came home the other day all upset because the teacher made him bring home the reading sheets to finish...now mind you ..it took less than 10 min. to do it...but he felt singled out...he said the other kids didn't have to bring theirs home....and this is why he shut down in math....and then had to bring the math sheets home to do....so I told him...if you think something is unfair or she is singling you out...let her know...tell her nicely and quietly how you feel you are being treated. I told him there is probably a good reason for what she does and it is okay to ask...

I have told him that no teacher is to tell him to shut up or that he is lazy or dumb or put him down...and if they do...I told him that he is to tell them that they are Making Hurtful Comments and that was not right...my son looked at me and said well, they will send me to the principal...and i told him....that is fine...as long as you are polite, respectful and don't raise your voice....you can tell them this because NO TEACHER has the right to tell you that you are lazy or dumb or whatever....in fact, I said you can tell them that what they said was disrespectful and that you are going to the office to the principal. I said I would back him 100% in that case and beleive me I would. He just sat there amazed. I said....., no teacher has the right to treat their students with disrespect...they can not call you names or single you out in front of others...and as long as you act appropriately ...let her send you to the office...because I

will be there asap and defend you. Luckily that teacher is no longer in the same school as him. In fact, I reported the incident to the Superintentdent of SpEd (I didn't name names) but they figured it out and all the teachers were spoken to.

We need to teach our children that no one is allowed to disrespect them or treat them cruelly including the teachers. We need to teach them to advocate for themself and to ask questions and get answers....

But I see it everyday in school....there are teachers who should not be teaching...teachers who dislike certain kids and make their lives hell....but then there are those who are gifts from heaven and take the time to get to know the kids and their needs.

As I have always said...a teacher can make or break a student. I am hoping this is going to be a positive one for all.

jan

Jan Rushen

Smile because it is contagious!!!!

From: Miriam <callis4773@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Not sure what is going on...Xbox withdrawal???? Date: Saturday, September 27, 2008, 4:04 PM

It's so nice to have people around who understand. Who really get what I'm saying. I'm constantly pondering these things and thinking and I think I really know what my kid needs and I think most parents of kids with AS know what their children need and often schools don't believe that. It's like when children were separated from their mothers because they thought autism was caused by something being wrong with the mother. They STILL try to blame us. And of course we all blame ourselves at one point or another but we're all really great parents because we think things out over and over we're constantly struggling to find just the right combination of flexibility and consistency. Then our children get to school and suddenly everything we've done is wrong! I was very fortunate that before I went to Texas I was in land at a school where parents were valued. They told me, "You're the best possible

parent. You've done all the right things. would be much lower functioning without your support, love and constant efforts to do what he needs." These kinds of statements came from all over the place. Doctors, psychologists, educators. Then in Texas the special ed team leader tried to tell me was emotionally disturbed and I could say, "Well, he wasn't before we moved here." They tried to blame the move. My husband made the mistake of saying, "Things are not very structured at home." So a home educator was suggested. I was more than happy to have someone come in and help. The home educator came in and said, "You guys are doing a great job, you're doing all the things I've been sent here to teach you." Nobody tried to blame me after that.Anyway, sorry I'm so wordy, I just get so wound up thinking about the bad times sometimes. I did make some peace with that special ed team leader.

She was a coach for Angel League Baseball. It's a league for special needs kids. I visited with her and told her how fabulously was doing. Between the lines I was thinking, "Yeah, how much better he's doing now he's away from you!" Later I talked to one of the organizers for the league and mentioned my encounter with our former sped team leader and the organizer said, "Wait, she's a special education teacher?! She's not one of our better volunteers." I laughed and laughed.Miriam>> Miriam,> what a cute essay about his sister! I love it when he says she is his sister for life so he should just make the best of it. lol.> > Also, when he talks about the online gaming - he said that just like my 12 yo

(hfa) does. > > I also wanted to say, you are 100% correct regarding the correct school environment. My own ds went from spending his days shredding paper in a classroom by himself to full inclusion and participation just after changing him to a new team and a new sped teacher. He got one who understood how to deal with him and it was like night and day.> > Roxanna> You're Unique> Just like everyone else...> ( ) Re: Not sure what is going on...Xbox withdrawal?? ??> > > It really is amazing to compare a good school environment to a bad > one. was in a terrible school in Texas and he was

miserable. I > kept thinking, "Where has my happy little boy gone?" Then he was > transferred to another school in the district that had a centralized > social skills classroom just for kids with high functioning autism or > asperger syndrome. He went from doing no class or homework at all, > having extreme issues with aggression, meltdowns every day, > depression and anxiety (age 7) to a complete 180 within weeks of > starting the school with the CSSC which was a good environment. The > aggression declined and was nearly gone by age 9. 's first year > there he won the Principal's award for good citizenship because of > his improved behavior. He won an award for his artwork and he > started writing poetry. He's an amazing poet! I love to read his > work. > > Here is his latest. He had an assignment to write about his >

thumbprint using analogies:> > "The comet moving slowly in the light-ridden space.> The ripples it leaves behind in space like its water.> The ripples slowly becoming more psychadellic.> In the comets movement a vortex forms in the middle of it.> From all of these things the weirdness of space is born."> > Here's a thing he wrote about his sister. Not a poem but about why > she's his best friend.> > "Rayleigh is my sister which automatically makes her my best friend. > We are siblings. We play all the same video games. We play Super > Smash Brothers Melee for the Gamecube and want to get a Wii along > with Super Smash Brothers Brawl. It has a character named Lucas from > Earthbound 2. My sister and I play MMORPGs (Massively Multiplayer > Online Role Playing Games). We enjoy them a lot.> > When we're not playing video

games we just resort to our computers, > but if there's something very cool going on inside or outside then we > take part in that. We like to have snowball fights when there is > enough snow. Sometimes we go bowling. Back in Texas I had a > trampoline but it's gone now that we're in New Hampshire. We liked to > go boing boing boing boing. When there was ice on the trampoline we > liked to slip on it. On occasion we will watch some TV. Sometimes we > like to watch videos on our computer.> > We have brown hair. We are both very smart and sometimes we like to > read together.> > There are lots of things that are different about us even though > there are lots of things that are the same about us. I like Greek > Mythology so I like swords used in Greek Mythology. I'm a guy and > she's a girl. I have Asperger Syndrome my sister is

Neurotypical. We > both go to different schools. I go to *******. She goes to *******. I > have short hair. She has long hair. I played baseball last year while > she likes shoes, did ballet and plays with dolls. Rayleigh has a > hamster. I have a dog.> > Rayleigh and I like to eat different food. Rayleigh eats shrimp, > vegetables, spaghetti with sauce and she likes steak. I seem to like > Ramen and Nuggets. We also both like to eat peanut butter and jelly.> > My sister seems to do a lot of stuff that really interests me but > then she starts to annoy me. She probably has no idea she has annoyed > me until I go screaming a lot and then she has no idea why I'm > screaming so she thinks about it. And then finally comes up with the > conclusion that she annoyed me. And then I just go up to my room and > watch videos and

then I just try to find her and it turns out she's > by my side.> > She seems to like it when I am imitating certain things that she > likes.> > My sister is my best friend because I love her and we're in the same > family. Either way I look at it I'm stuck with her for the rest of my > life until I die so I figure I just make the best of what I have. I > understand why she acts the way she does. Rayleigh always makes the > funnest games. When the game is over I stop and think what I'd be > doing right now if I didn't have a sister like her. I don't want to > have any other girl for my sister besides her. So I try to keep her > happy. But if she gets on my nerves I go crazy."> > I have a nice little collection of all of his poems and stories now.> > Miriam> > > miram....> >

> > > . > > > > ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----------> > > > No virus found in this incoming message.> Checked by AVG - http://www.avg. com > Version: 8.0.169 / Virus Database: 270.7.3/1693 - Release Date: 9/26/2008 7:35 AM>

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much. Thank you everyone. I love my son's poems and other

written work too. He has a way with words. His handwriting can be

quite good if he wants to work at it but mostly it's atrocious. He

wants to get it done as fast as possible and will NOT slow down even

though I keep telling him other people need to be able to read it.

He kind of reminds me of Mozart in the movie Amadeus. There is some

thought that Mozart had asperger syndrome too, by the way. Anyway,

the Kaiser didn't like his new opera so he ripped it up and threw it

on the fire. When people asked him if he had copies he pointed to

his head and said, " It's all up here. Making copies is all

scribbling and bibbling. " Well it was something like that. Anyway,

that's how is about written work. But he's amazing on the

computer. He made up his own way of using most of his fingers for

typing and is a much faster typist than I am. If he could stop and

check his work I expect he could get a job doing data entry. I

expect with maturity he'll also gain some work related skills. LOL.

He's only 11 afterall.

has been known to say some hilarious things too. I used to

volunteer at his school's library when we were still in Texas. If I

volunteered on a particular day always rode home with me instead

of taking the bus. So on one of these occasions had this toy

with him. It's one of those plastic things with a ring at one end

that you put around your foot and a ball at the other. You swing the

foot with the ring around and jump over the ball end with your other

foot. Not sure if I'm describing it right. Anyway, I asked him

where he got it and he said, " gave it to me. " I hadn't heard

of a in his class so I asked him, " Who is , is he your

friend? " I'm always cautious about these " friend " things.

answered, " No, actually we're the bitterest of enemies. " Keep in

mind he was 9 years old at the time. Next I asked him, " If you're

the bitterest of enemies, why did he give you a gift? " then

said, " Just because we're the bitterest of enemies doesn't mean we

can't act civilized. " I laughed and laughed. I told other people

and they all kept telling me I should have him write and tell that to

the president. LOL.

Miriam

> >

> > From: Miriam <callis4773@>

> > Subject: ( ) Re: Not sure what is going on...Xbox

> withdrawal????

> >

> > Date: Friday, September 26, 2008, 9:18 PM

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > It really is amazing to compare a good school environment to a

bad

> > one. was in a terrible school in Texas and he was miserable.

I

> > kept thinking, " Where has my happy little boy gone? " Then he was

> > transferred to another school in the district that had a

> centralized

> > social skills classroom just for kids with high functioning

autism

> or

> > asperger syndrome. He went from doing no class or homework at

all,

> > having extreme issues with aggression, meltdowns every day,

> > depression and anxiety (age 7) to a complete 180 within weeks of

> > starting the school with the CSSC which was a good environment.

The

> > aggression declined and was nearly gone by age 9. 's first

year

> > there he won the Principal's award for good citizenship because

of

> > his improved behavior. He won an award for his artwork and he

> > started writing poetry. He's an amazing poet! I love to read his

> > work.

> >

> > Here is his latest. He had an assignment to write about his

> > thumbprint using analogies:

> >

> > " The comet moving slowly in the light-ridden space.

> > The ripples it leaves behind in space like its water.

> > The ripples slowly becoming more psychadellic.

> > In the comets movement a vortex forms in the middle of it.

> > From all of these things the weirdness of space is born. "

> >

> > Here's a thing he wrote about his sister. Not a poem but about

why

> > she's his best friend.

> >

> > " Rayleigh is my sister which automatically makes her my best

> friend.

> > We are siblings. We play all the same video games. We play Super

> > Smash Brothers Melee for the Gamecube and want to get a Wii along

> > with Super Smash Brothers Brawl. It has a character named Lucas

> from

> > Earthbound 2. My sister and I play MMORPGs (Massively Multiplayer

> > Online Role Playing Games). We enjoy them a lot.

> >

> > When we're not playing video games we just resort to our

computers,

> > but if there's something very cool going on inside or outside

then

> we

> > take part in that. We like to have snowball fights when there is

> > enough snow. Sometimes we go bowling. Back in Texas I had a

> > trampoline but it's gone now that we're in New Hampshire. We

liked

> to

> > go boing boing boing boing. When there was ice on the trampoline

we

> > liked to slip on it. On occasion we will watch some TV. Sometimes

> we

> > like to watch videos on our computer.

> >

> > We have brown hair. We are both very smart and sometimes we like

to

> > read together.

> >

> > There are lots of things that are different about us even though

> > there are lots of things that are the same about us. I like Greek

> > Mythology so I like swords used in Greek Mythology. I'm a guy and

> > she's a girl. I have Asperger Syndrome my sister is Neurotypical.

> We

> > both go to different schools. I go to *******. She goes to

*******.

> I

> > have short hair. She has long hair. I played baseball last year

> while

> > she likes shoes, did ballet and plays with dolls. Rayleigh has a

> > hamster. I have a dog.

> >

> > Rayleigh and I like to eat different food. Rayleigh eats shrimp,

> > vegetables, spaghetti with sauce and she likes steak. I seem to

> like

> > Ramen and Nuggets. We also both like to eat peanut butter and

jelly.

> >

> > My sister seems to do a lot of stuff that really interests me but

> > then she starts to annoy me. She probably has no idea she has

> annoyed

> > me until I go screaming a lot and then she has no idea why I'm

> > screaming so she thinks about it. And then finally comes up with

> the

> > conclusion that she annoyed me. And then I just go up to my room

> and

> > watch videos and then I just try to find her and it turns out

she's

> > by my side.

> >

> > She seems to like it when I am imitating certain things that she

> > likes.

> >

> > My sister is my best friend because I love her and we're in the

> same

> > family. Either way I look at it I'm stuck with her for the rest

of

> my

> > life until I die so I figure I just make the best of what I have.

I

> > understand why she acts the way she does. Rayleigh always makes

the

> > funnest games. When the game is over I stop and think what I'd be

> > doing right now if I didn't have a sister like her. I don't want

to

> > have any other girl for my sister besides her. So I try to keep

her

> > happy. But if she gets on my nerves I go crazy. "

> >

> > I have a nice little collection of all of his poems and stories

now.

> >

> > Miriam

> >

> > > miram....

> > >  

> > > Thank you for your long post and writing about what the doctor

> said

> > to you.  I think you were right...about the environment. ..things

> > going wrong in school....he felt his teacher was unfair to

> > him ...making him finish the reading assignment and not making

the

> > others finish.  He then shut down in math...so then he had to

> finish

> > the math too...plus he had 9 science words...to look up....he was

> > fustrated becuase the teacher said they could not use the

glossary

> in

> > the back of the book...it has to be found in the chapter...it

> > frightened him and overwhelmed him....

> > >  

> > > It is amazing what happens to our children when they are

> anxious. 

> > After battling all night we finally got the homework all

> done...told

> > him see ...it wasn't that bad and we could have had it done in 1

> > hour. Sometime I try to ease things up for him....write the math

> > problems donw so he just has to solve them....read things to him

> and

> > make him tell me the answers.  I have always told my son we are

> here

> > to help him and lift the anxiety and some of the weight off him. 

> > Later that night my husband talked to him about homework...and my

> son

> > admitted he was AFRAID of homework. Wow...that is some

> insight....he

> > probably gets very anxious about it.

> > >  

> > > We too have limited Video games. It does improve him over the

> long

> > run when he is not on it.... in fact last night we caught him up

at

> > 10:30 pm reading a book...reading! Wow!

> > > We too have a rule ....no tv, xbox until all homework is

done....

> > >  

> > > Thanks for the advice....

> > >  

> > > Jan

> > >

> > >

> > >  Jan Rushen

> > > Smile because it is contagious!! !!

> >

>