Middle School Choice Question

[Guest guest]

Hi all,

We're new to this list and hoping for some feedback from "those who've gone before us." We're trying to make a very hard decision. Our 9.5 yr-old son w/Aspgerger's will enter 5th grade next yr. From 1st-3rd, he attended 1/2 day at a private school for kids with learning disabilities (he isn't diagnosed with any, but it helpedwith executive function, literal-thinking, and social skills). The other 1/2 of the day, he attended public elementary school in the general ed. classroom. This all went mostly fine, with only a few social issues, and disrespectful arguments/refusals with adults from time to time.

Now that he is getting older and the social landscape is quickly changing, our son is feeling worse about his diagnosis and noticing all the differences between himself and his peers. He tries to "fit in" and "be cool", but it doesn't really work for him. He just doesn't get enough of the nuances going on around him. The only friends that he's ever had were either on the spectrum or learning disabled themselves. Otherwise, he does great with younger kids (as leader/teacher) and adults.

We have the opportunity to place him in another well-established school for kids with learning disabilities full-days, from 5th-8th grades, which would require alot of "flexing" on the part of our family (traveling to another city, and eventually moving if all works out well, though job change not an issue). OT,Speech, and social skills are built into the curriculum at this school and allstudents participate in these. The school has been around for 45 yrs. and has a 5:1 ratio for kids his age (4:1 for younger students).

Or, we could place him in a 3-yr. old charter school near our home that uses the Core Knowledge curriculum and is working on becoming a "classical" academy. Class size of 24 and goes through H.S. Seemingly kind staff that have hired their own OT, Sp. T, Gifted team and have several kids on the spectrum in school of all ages.

My Big Question: Better for our son to be at a school where all the kids know what it's like to be different, or at one where most kids are NT but have had some exposure to AS kids? I know that the smaller ratio would work better but not sure if that's "enough" to sway the decision. He's doing fine in class of 28 now in public school.

My Main Concern: That my son come out of school with his self-image intact. His father experienced some incredibly harsh bullying when he was in school.

All opinions/guidance welcome.

Thanks, Debbie

[Guest guest]

School where all kids are different.

Or son attends a Special Needs private school and is doing very well. I thought

elementary school was hard with bullying...middle school is harder.

Robyn

Debbie wrote:

> Hi all,

> We're new to this list and hoping for some feedback from " those who've gone

before us. "   We're trying to make a very hard decision. Our 9.5 yr-old son

w/Aspgerger' s will enter 5th grade next yr. From 1st-3rd, he attended 1/2 day

at a private school for kids with learning disabilities (he isn't diagnosed with

any, but it helped with executive function, literal-thinking, and social

skills). The other 1/2 of the day, he attended public elementary school in the

general ed.. classroom. This all went mostly fine, with only a few social

issues, and disrespectful arguments/refusals with adults from time to time.

> Now that he is getting older and the social landscape is quickly changing,

our son is feeling worse about his diagnosis and noticing all the differences

between himself and his peers. He tries to " fit in " and " be cool " , but it

doesn't really work for him. He just doesn't get enough of the nuances going on

around him.  The only friends that he's ever had were either on the spectrum or

learning disabled themselves.  Otherwise, he does great with younger kids (as

leader/teacher) and adults.

> We have the opportunity to place him in another well-established school for

kids with learning disabilities full-days, from 5th-8th grades, which would

require alot of " flexing " on the part of our family (traveling to another city,

and eventually moving if all works out well, though job change not an issue).

OT,Speech, and social skills are built into the curriculum at this school and

all students participate in these. The school has been around for 45 yrs. and

has a 5:1 ratio for kids his age (4:1 for younger students).

> Or, we could place him in a 3-yr. old charter school near our home that uses

the Core Knowledge curriculum and is working on becoming a " classical " academy.

Class size of 24 and goes through H.S. Seemingly kind staff that have hired

their own OT, Sp. T, Gifted team and have several kids on the spectrum in school

of all ages.

> My Big Question : Better for our son to be at a school where all the kids

know what it's like to be different, or at one where most kids are NT but have

had some exposure to AS kids? I know that the smaller ratio would work better

but not sure if that's " enough " to sway the decision. He's doing fine in class

of 28 now in public school.

> My Main Concern : That my son come out of school with his self-image intact.

His father experienced some incredibly harsh bullying when he was in school.

> All opinions/guidance welcome.

> Thanks, Debbie

>

[Guest guest]

This is a very difficult question...something you ALL need to sit down and discuss...write down all the pros and cons and weigh it all out.

Going to the school that is farther away may put a lot of burden on you and your family....and moving and changing jobs is quite drastic....

Going to the school near you does not sound that bad...and remember....he will be around NTs all his life...and maybe this would be a good time to learn to work with and around other types of people. My son is in 7th and it has been rough on him. But he is slowly learning...and you don't need a whole lot of friends I tell him...just one really good friend.

Just my thoughts.

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope" > Hi all, > We're new to this list and hoping for some feedback from "those who've gone before us." We're trying to make a very hard decision. Our 9.5 yr-old son w/Aspgerger' s will enter 5th grade next yr. From 1st-3rd, he attended 1/2 day at a private school for kids with learning disabilities (he isn't diagnosed with any, but it helped with executive function, literal-thinking, and social skills). The other 1/2 of the day, he attended public elementary school in the general ed.. classroom. This all went mostly fine, with only a few social issues, and disrespectful arguments/refusals with adults from time to time. > Now that he is getting older and the social landscape is quickly changing, our

son is feeling worse about his diagnosis and noticing all the differences between himself and his peers. He tries to "fit in" and "be cool", but it doesn't really work for him. He just doesn't get enough of the nuances going on around him. The only friends that he's ever had were either on the spectrum or learning disabled themselves. Otherwise, he does great with younger kids (as leader/teacher) and adults. > We have the opportunity to place him in another well-established school for kids with learning disabilities full-days, from 5th-8th grades, which would require alot of "flexing" on the part of our family (traveling to another city, and eventually moving if all works out well, though job change not an issue). OT,Speech, and social skills are built into the curriculum at this school and all students participate in these. The school has been around for 45 yrs. and has a 5:1 ratio for kids his age (4:1 for younger students).

> Or, we could place him in a 3-yr. old charter school near our home that uses the Core Knowledge curriculum and is working on becoming a "classical" academy. Class size of 24 and goes through H.S. Seemingly kind staff that have hired their own OT, Sp. T, Gifted team and have several kids on the spectrum in school of all ages. > My Big Question : Better for our son to be at a school where all the kids know what it's like to be different, or at one where most kids are NT but have had some exposure to AS kids? I know that the smaller ratio would work better but not sure if that's "enough" to sway the decision. He's doing fine in class of 28 now in public school. > My Main Concern : That my son come out of school with his self-image intact. His father experienced some incredibly harsh bullying when he was in school. > All opinions/guidance welcome. > Thanks, Debbie >

[Guest guest]

>

> My Big Question: Better for our son to be at a school where all the kids

> know what it's like to be different, or at one where most kids are NT

> but have had some exposure to AS kids? I know that the smaller ratio

> would work better but not sure if that's " enough " to sway the decision.

> He's doing fine in class of 28 now in public school.

>

> My Main Concern: That my son come out of school with his self-image

> intact. His father experienced some incredibly harsh bullying when he

> was in school.

I think maybe you need to take this year by year. You may want to do one or the

other for a couple of years and something else for the other two years.

Bullying is bad in 5th/6th grade, then 7th/8th grade you get more into teachers

not wanting to do anything because they think the kids are too big and need to

be on their own (in public school). Your child's needs may well change from

year to year. So, think mostly about what your son needs NEXT YEAR. Don't do

something that MAY help him 3 years from now but is counterproductive for next

year and may keep the 3 years from now happening how you want. KWIM?

Ruth

[Guest guest]

Hey, I'm new to this group, and my son is also entering the fifth grade next

year. I don't have an answer for your question, except to bring up some points

to consider as you make your choice.

One is, kids with AS don't tend to get along with other children with

dissabilities as well. I don't know why, but I think it has to do with them

being too much alike. Next is that will the specialty school handle his

particular strengths academically, or will he not be challenged enough?

However, children in schools do bully and not understand children with AS. Some

people think our kids should just learn how to deflect bullying or get along

better because they will have to in life. But really, in real life (meaning

after high school), we have the ability to just walk away from most bullying and

people usually grow up and stop this behavior by then anyway. Why should anyone

have to deal with that?

I hope you all can agree on a decision that will work for you. Good luck.

ah

>

>

> Hi all,

>

> We're new to this list and hoping for some feedback from " those who've

> gone before us. " We're trying to make a very hard decision. Our 9.5

> yr-old son w/Aspgerger's will enter 5th grade next yr. From 1st-3rd, he

> attended 1/2 day at a private school for kids with learning disabilities

> (he isn't diagnosed with any, but it helped

> with executive function, literal-thinking, and social skills). The other

> 1/2 of the day, he attended public elementary school in the general ed.

> classroom. This all went mostly fine, with only a few social issues, and

> disrespectful arguments/refusals with adults from time to time.

>

> Now that he is getting older and the social landscape is quickly

> changing, our son is feeling worse about his diagnosis and noticing all

> the differences between himself and his peers. He tries to " fit in " and

> " be cool " , but it doesn't really work for him. He just doesn't get

> enough of the nuances going on around him. The only friends that he's

> ever had were either on the spectrum or learning disabled themselves.

> Otherwise, he does great with younger kids (as leader/teacher) and

> adults.

>

> We have the opportunity to place him in another well-established school

> for kids with learning disabilities full-days, from 5th-8th grades,

> which would require alot of " flexing " on the part of our family

> (traveling to another city, and eventually moving if all works out well,

> though job change not an issue). OT,Speech, and social skills are built

> into the curriculum at this school and all

> students participate in these. The school has been around for 45 yrs.

> and has a 5:1 ratio for kids his age (4:1 for younger students).

>

> Or, we could place him in a 3-yr. old charter school near our home that

> uses the Core Knowledge curriculum and is working on becoming a

> " classical " academy. Class size of 24 and goes through H.S. Seemingly

> kind staff that have hired their own OT, Sp. T, Gifted team and have

> several kids on the spectrum in school of all ages.

>

> My Big Question: Better for our son to be at a school where all the kids

> know what it's like to be different, or at one where most kids are NT

> but have had some exposure to AS kids? I know that the smaller ratio

> would work better but not sure if that's " enough " to sway the decision.

> He's doing fine in class of 28 now in public school.

>

> My Main Concern: That my son come out of school with his self-image

> intact. His father experienced some incredibly harsh bullying when he

> was in school.

>

> All opinions/guidance welcome.

>

> Thanks, Debbie

>

[Guest guest]

Roxanna

Autism Happens

( ) Middle School Choice Question

I would want to try the LD school that has social skills built in to the day because that is a main area of concern for your ds. Also see about finding a social skill group that can help him learn social skills.

For me, the move would be worthwhile because of the need unless the move causes another hardship or takes him away from family. It's a tough question! Let us know what you decide to do!

Roxanna

Hi all,

We're new to this list and hoping for some feedback from "those who've gone before us." We're trying to make a very hard decision. Our 9.5 yr-old son w/Aspgerger's will enter 5th grade next yr. From 1st-3rd, he attended 1/2 day at a private school for kids with learning disabilities (he isn't diagnosed with any, but it helped

with executive function, literal-thinking, and social skills). The other 1/2 of the day, he attended public elementary school in the general ed. classroom. This all went mostly fine, with only a few social issues, and disrespectful arguments/refusals with adults from time to time.

Now that he is getting older and the social landscape is quickly changing, our son is feeling worse about his diagnosis and noticing all the differences between himself and his peers. He tries to "fit in" and "be cool", but it doesn't really work for him. He just doesn't get enough of the nuances going on around him. The only friends that he's ever had were either on the spectrum or learning disabled themselves. Otherwise, he does great with younger kids (as leader/teacher) and adults.

We have the opportunity to place him in another well-established school for kids with learning disabilities full-days, from 5th-8th grades, which would require alot of "flexing" on the part of our family (traveling to another city, and eventually moving if all works out well, though job change not an issue). OT,Speech, and social skills are built into the curriculum at this school and all

students participate in these. The school has been around for 45 yrs. and has a 5:1 ratio for kids his age (4:1 for younger students).

Or, we could place him in a 3-yr. old charter school near our home that uses the Core Knowledge curriculum and is working on becoming a "classical" academy. Class size of 24 and goes through H.S. Seemingly kind staff that have hired their own OT, Sp. T, Gifted team and have several kids on the spectrum in school of all ages.

My Big Question: Better for our son to be at a school where all the kids know what it's like to be different, or at one where most kids are NT but have had some exposure to AS kids? I know that the smaller ratio would work better but not sure if that's "enough" to sway the decision. He's doing fine in class of 28 now in public school.

My Main Concern: That my son come out of school with his self-image intact. His father experienced some incredibly harsh bullying when he was in school.

All opinions/guidance welcome.

Thanks, Debbie

We found the real 'Hotel California' and the 'Seinfeld' diner. What will you find? Explore WhereItsAt.com.

[Guest guest]

I am in a similar situation with a decision between a private

school for LD's (with social skills daily) or trying to fit

into a closer school. My daughter is 11 and going into 6th grade.

But you say your son is doing well in a public school so why not go to the

charter school then.

If your child has a NLD or excutive function disorder, school will get much

harder in middle school and then you will want to be in the

LD school.

But if his As issues are with socializing only why not find him a

AS social skill class after school. Everyone says social skills

need to be integrated but I don't see special LD schools working

on this issue as much as we would like. They seem to keep the peace.

I saw at these schools AS kids reading alone, or eating alone.

Gosh it is really tough to find the right placement. I would have

hoped they would have paired them up with someone.

Some of the LD schools cater to ADHD kids and I think their needs can be very

different from our kids needs. They can be very busy

places with lots of kids that like movement.

Sorry if I am generalizing about ADHD kids they are wonderful

kids too. I am just trying to distinguish needs.

Some of the LD schools focus on developing skills

like using an alphasmart for note taking,

inspiration software for written expression and offered

hiking in place of PE. Could be great if your son has issues

with these kind of issues.

It is hard to predict self esteem issues. Where will your child be the most

successful? Academically and socially.

In a charter school can your child make at least one friend.

Does he have interests that he could connect with other typical boys?

An AS kid does well often with adults more than kids. Kids are

often too unpredictable and in a school with ADHD kids

their behavior is likely very unpredictable (again sorry to generalize ADHD kids

this way).

For AS kids social skill training is so important. And AS

social skills are so different from ADHD kids (who are more impulsive than

anything else). My daughter does not do well with ADHD

kids she wants to talk long and deep on her interests.

A charter school would be less restrictive setting for your family

it is closer. It is hard to say if it will meet your child's needs.

We don't plan to move until we are very sure that the LD school

is really fabulous for our daughter.

Sorry I didn't answer your question.

Good luck,

Pam

>

>

> Hi all,

>

> We're new to this list and hoping for some feedback from " those who've

> gone before us. " We're trying to make a very hard decision. Our 9.5

> yr-old son w/Aspgerger's will enter 5th grade next yr. From 1st-3rd, he

> attended 1/2 day at a private school for kids with learning disabilities

> (he isn't diagnosed with any, but it helped

> with executive function, literal-thinking, and social skills). The other

> 1/2 of the day, he attended public elementary school in the general ed.

> classroom. This all went mostly fine, with only a few social issues, and

> disrespectful arguments/refusals with adults from time to time.

>

> Now that he is getting older and the social landscape is quickly

> changing, our son is feeling worse about his diagnosis and noticing all

> the differences between himself and his peers. He tries to " fit in " and

> " be cool " , but it doesn't really work for him. He just doesn't get

> enough of the nuances going on around him. The only friends that he's

> ever had were either on the spectrum or learning disabled themselves.

> Otherwise, he does great with younger kids (as leader/teacher) and

> adults.

>

> We have the opportunity to place him in another well-established school

> for kids with learning disabilities full-days, from 5th-8th grades,

> which would require alot of " flexing " on the part of our family

> (traveling to another city, and eventually moving if all works out well,

> though job change not an issue). OT,Speech, and social skills are built

> into the curriculum at this school and all

> students participate in these. The school has been around for 45 yrs.

> and has a 5:1 ratio for kids his age (4:1 for younger students).

>

> Or, we could place him in a 3-yr. old charter school near our home that

> uses the Core Knowledge curriculum and is working on becoming a

> " classical " academy. Class size of 24 and goes through H.S. Seemingly

> kind staff that have hired their own OT, Sp. T, Gifted team and have

> several kids on the spectrum in school of all ages.

>

> My Big Question: Better for our son to be at a school where all the kids

> know what it's like to be different, or at one where most kids are NT

> but have had some exposure to AS kids? I know that the smaller ratio

> would work better but not sure if that's " enough " to sway the decision.

> He's doing fine in class of 28 now in public school.

>

> My Main Concern: That my son come out of school with his self-image

> intact. His father experienced some incredibly harsh bullying when he

> was in school.

>

> All opinions/guidance welcome.

>

> Thanks, Debbie

>