Re: tips for dealing with bullies?

[Guest guest]

What techniques has he been using for dealing with the bully so

far? I have always taught my son to ask the bully to stop… and if he

continues, to look at him and say “Please stop bothering me. I just want

to play with my friends.” And if they STILL don’t stop, that’s

when you go and talk to a playground supervisor and ask for help. Let the

supervisor know that you’ve asked them to stop a couple of times, and

they aren’t stopping, and you need help. Of course, the other option we

provide is to “walk away”… but then that doesn’t help

much in this situation.

What about if your son talks to the bully and says “Look,

I’d like to be your friend. But friends don’t pick on each other

like that. So if you don’t like me, fine… but just let’s play

with our friends, and leave each other alone as best we can.”

Ha! Ideal situation, I’m sure… and not easy for the

shy ones to stand up for themselves like that… but I think it’s

CRUCIALLY important, esp. for our Aspie’s, to learn how to navigate their

way through these situations, as they aren’t going to always deal with

nice people for the rest of their lives.

Perhaps speak with the school, and see if THEY can help him

script through how to deal with the situation, and when to come to them to

intervene. If they have a hand in guiding him through the process, perhaps he’ll

feel more comfortable approaching them for help???

Just spouting ideas, no idea if any of them are helpful We

deal with bullies, too… and thankfully my son does a pretty good job of

dealing with them. One boy, he was playing with some other kids, and just

walked away and came home and told me what the boy had said. I told him to

ignore the boy as best he could.

OH! Another idea that just popped into my head. If the bully is

saying mean things, like specifics… like “You’re a stupid

head” or something… your son could look at them and say “So?”…

and tell him that in saying so… he knows that it’s not true what

they’re saying, and therefore by responding that way, it takes the “mean”

out of it for the bully, as he’s not getting a reaction from your son! No

fun anymore

Easier said than done… but something to work towards for

sure

GOOD LUCK !!

=)

Who can’t believe how awful and rambling this email turned

out to be LOL

From:

[mailto: ] On

Behalf Of aw_shp

Sent: Tuesday, April 21, 2009 2:33 PM

Subject: ( ) tips for dealing with bullies?

My son is shy and a natural follower. He plays

with a group of kids where he likes most of them, but one kid in the group is

bullying him and pretty much only picks on him. I've spoken with the school and

they have talked with the kids but haven't done too much to make it stop. My

son can't play with the kids he likes in that group and still avoid the bully,

but when he avoids the group, he's pretty much alone on the playground. I don't

want him to be continually bullied but I don't want him to lose the good

friends in the group he does enjoy and end up wandering the playground alone.

The friends that he has are nice kids, but not quite mature enough to stick up

for him just yet. Any advice?

[Guest guest]

>

> My son is shy and a natural follower. He plays with a group of kids where he

likes most of them, but one kid in the group is bullying him and pretty much

only picks on him. I've spoken with the school and they have talked with the

kids but haven't done too much to make it stop.

Hi. As far as specific actions the school could take, going on our own

experience, they could physically separate your son and the bully by doing

things like putting them in different areas of the classroom, different

recesses, not letting them play together. They could have a playground monitor

stick with your son and intercede in the bullying. They could punish the bully

when he bullies your son--not just talk to him. What worked for me was putting

down on paper what was going on, my son's perspective, my own conclusions, and

writing to my son's homeroom teacher and principal. In your written complaint,

explicitly state that you expect some action to be taken.

Ruth

[Guest guest]

I'd go to the school a little before recess and say that you are going to watch the playground. You have that right.

I'd either stand over on the side and watch or heck,,,,,walk around. If the school isn't going to stop it, you should.

THEN,,,,,I'd make it clear that they need to stop the bullying or you're gonna call the cops.

Is there a School Liason Officer? Our town is just 4,000 but we have one.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Robin

From: aw_shp <aw_shp@...>Subject: ( ) tips for dealing with bullies? Date: Tuesday, April 21, 2009, 12:03 PM

My son is shy and a natural follower. He plays with a group of kids where he likes most of them, but one kid in the group is bullying him and pretty much only picks on him. I've spoken with the school and they have talked with the kids but haven't done too much to make it stop. My son can't play with the kids he likes in that group and still avoid the bully, but when he avoids the group, he's pretty much alone on the playground. I don't want him to be continually bullied but I don't want him to lose the good friends in the group he does enjoy and end up wandering the playground alone. The friends that he has are nice kids, but not quite mature enough to stick up for him just yet. Any advice?

[Guest guest]

I would go down to the school and speak with the princeipal and then his teacher and keep talking about it until there is something is done , My daughter went through a bulling incident in school this year . I did exactly what I said and after the 3 time of going to the school they set up meeting and the issue was resolved .

From: aw_shp <aw_shp@...> Sent: Tuesday, April 21, 2009 1:03:11 PMSubject: ( ) tips for dealing with bullies?

My son is shy and a natural follower. He plays with a group of kids where he likes most of them, but one kid in the group is bullying him and pretty much only picks on him. I've spoken with the school and they have talked with the kids but haven't done too much to make it stop. My son can't play with the kids he likes in that group and still avoid the bully, but when he avoids the group, he's pretty much alone on the playground. I don't want him to be continually bullied but I don't want him to lose the good friends in the group he does enjoy and end up wandering the playground alone. The friends that he has are nice kids, but not quite mature enough to stick up for him just yet. Any advice?

[Guest guest]

This is the first time I've posted and didn't expect so much help! Thanks for

everyone's responses!

So far, my son has tried to ignore the bully hoping that it would just go away

the next time or walked away. He does try to stand up for himself by saying

things like " Stop bothering me " or " leave me alone/you're being mean... etc " ,

but he doesn't think on feet quickly enought to respond to the bully very well -

just fuels the fire. He doesn't initatiate well so it's difficult to get him to

tell the yard supervisor.

From all of your advice,it sounds like I need to set up another meeting to talk

with the teacher/principal and be more demanding and give him more extensive

scripts. He's in a social skills group, but they're working on a different

topic right now.

thanks again,

adriane

[Guest guest]

My son was recently bullied (he's frequently teased but this time a kick pushed him to the ground and kicked him). I spoke with someone at the Legal Center for individuals with disabilities in Denver who gave some advice. School districts are mandated by the ADA to have a staff person identified to prevent disability bullying. Legally, they have to respond and tell you how they will keep your child safe from bullying.

Call the school district and find out who is in that role. Email your school principal and that person explaining that your child with a disability is being bullied and you know that they must protect him from that bullying. Mention you know that school intervention is mandated by the Americans with Disabilities Act and ask how they intent to intervene to protect him.

My son is 10 and in 5th grade. I have been battling one of the "best" school districts in the area since he was 4. They do the minimum they have to do and will not look out for your child's interests. It's simply a fact. You must be your child's advocate and take that responsibility very seriouslyGood luck! The up side is that the squeaky wheel gets the grease - and if you push, your child will be treated fairly and get the support he needs.

From: betsymaye36@...Date: Wed, 22 Apr 2009 16:03:38 -0700Subject: Re: ( ) tips for dealing with bullies?

I would go down to the school and speak with the princeipal and then his teacher and keep talking about it until there is something is done , My daughter went through a bulling incident in school this year . I did exactly what I said and after the 3 time of going to the school they set up meeting and the issue was resolved .

From: aw_shp <aw_shp > Sent: Tuesday, April 21, 2009 1:03:11 PMSubject: ( ) tips for dealing with bullies?

My son is shy and a natural follower. He plays with a group of kids where he likes most of them, but one kid in the group is bullying him and pretty much only picks on him. I've spoken with the school and they have talked with the kids but haven't done too much to make it stop. My son can't play with the kids he likes in that group and still avoid the bully, but when he avoids the group, he's pretty much alone on the playground. I don't want him to be continually bullied but I don't want him to lose the good friends in the group he does enjoy and end up wandering the playground alone. The friends that he has are nice kids, but not quite mature enough to stick up for him just yet. Any advice?

Windows Live™ Hotmail®:…more than just e-mail. Check it out.

[Guest guest]

Pacer.org has a wonderful bullying site...check it out with your son. Pam

kidsAgainstBullying

In a message dated 4/23/2009 8:24:42 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, aw_shp@... writes:

This is the first time I've posted and didn't expect so much help! Thanks for everyone's responses! So far, my son has tried to ignore the bully hoping that it would just go away the next time or walked away. He does try to stand up for himself by saying things like "Stop bothering me" or "leave me alone/you're being mean... etc", but he doesn't think on feet quickly enought to respond to the bully very well - just fuels the fire. He doesn't initatiate well so it's difficult to get him to tell the yard supervisor.From all of your advice,it sounds like I need to set up another meeting to talk with the teacher/principal and be more demanding and give him more extensive scripts. He's in a social skills group, but they're working on a different topic right now.thanks again,adriane

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