Re: games were a little much!

[Guest guest]

You sounded like you handled it well Lori.

My daughter bites me when she has had too much. She is 11 and she doesn't get

that others may think this is wierd.

We were at the zoo yesterday and she wanted a snack. Of course

she had to order a special order a saltless pretzel .. we couldn't just knock

off the salt NOPE

She couldn't take it and started again gumming me and tugging on

my hair. I had reached my limit and I stormed out. What a scene.

A police officer asked us what was going on. We looked like

two crazy people. Her chasing me out of the zoo grabbing me.

Oh my I shouldn't have overreacted like that. I quess I need

an aide with me or something. The pressure is getting to me.

You sounded like you handled your son's mishap well.

Pam

-- In , lori jennings <lozzy3us@...> wrote:

>

> The ballgames went as I thought, not so well. To remind everyone, we had 2

ballgames last night in two different towns. I was armed with everything I could

think of, but still overload was the situation. No fits-just stressed and tired.

The second game was in our hometown and didn't start until 8:00, so my mother

graciously watched him for about a hour so I could stay and watch my older

child. He said today that the games were " fun " but  one was enough!

> The uh oh moment was when he found a tube of carmex in my purse and proceeded

to squirt it on the lady next to him and then I thought I had taken it away from

him, he had it again and was smearing it on the bench! Oh well, what are we to

do!

> Lori

>

[Guest guest]

That's the thing about being a parent...you can play the "human" card whenever you want to. We're never going to make the right decisions all of the time. And I'm still waiting on the handbook written specifically for my son, to be honest! This listserv is probably close, but I still haven't figured out how to stick Roxanna in my back pocket and pull her out when I need her <wink!>. Don't be too hard on yourself. You're doing the best you can with less than ideal circumstances.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: susanonderko <susanonderko@...> Sent: Saturday, May 23, 2009 8:58:38 AMSubject: ( ) Re: games were a little much!

You sounded like you handled it well Lori.My daughter bites me when she has had too much. She is 11 and she doesn't get that others may think this is wierd.We were at the zoo yesterday and she wanted a snack. Of courseshe had to order a special order a saltless pretzel .. we couldn't just knock off the salt NOPEShe couldn't take it and started again gumming me and tugging on my hair. I had reached my limit and I stormed out. What a scene. A police officer asked us what was going on. We looked like two crazy people. Her chasing me out of the zoo grabbing me. Oh my I shouldn't have overreacted like that. I quess I need an aide with me or something. The pressure is getting to me. You sounded like you handled your son's mishap well.Pam -- In , lori jennings <lozzy3us@.. .> wrote:>> The ballgames went as I thought, not so well. To remind everyone, we had 2 ballgames last night in two different towns. I was armed with everything I could think of, but still overload was the situation. No fits-just stressed and tired. The second game was in our hometown and didn't start until 8:00, so my mother graciously watched him for about a hour so I could stay and watch my older child. He said today that the games were "fun" but one was enough!> The uh oh moment was when he found a tube of carmex in my purse and proceeded to squirt it on the lady next to him and then I thought I had taken it away from him, he had it again and was smearing it on the bench! Oh well, what are we to do!> Lori>

[Guest guest]

>

> My daughter bites me when she has had too much. She is 11 and she doesn't get

that others may think this is wierd.

Hugs, Pam! My son finally started getting this stuff when he was about 12 and a

half, starting 7th grade. Or maybe I should say, having enough self control to

take action on it. Just to say, this won't go on forever. Now, at the 8th

grade, as far as I can tell from his evaluation, he isn't indulging in the

atypical behavior that bugs people. Interestingly, he hasn't found behaviors to

replace it with yet. He sits in class and does nothing instead of the stimming

type stuff. So, now we have to work on getting him to notice what is going on

around him and to start participating in it. He has a handful of acquaintances

at school that he talks to, even initiates conversations, but if they aren't

around, he just doesn't talk to anybody. And he doesn't seem to think about

going and bringing his " friends " into the picture if they don't just happen to

be there.

Ruth

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much for the feedback Ruth! You are great. When I go to the

therapist they never say she will outgrow anything. I have never

heard anyone say that to me ever, but I do think her awareness has

improved and she is starting to understand more about social

dynamics. The feedback I get from everyone it seems is " you

have to do something about her before it is too late " . I am

sure this kind of pressure on me is what is causing me to feel

so upset by her stress behaviors. She never does anything to hurt me

it is all 2 year old stuff.

It is a sigh of relief for me. And Hopefully for Lori too. Thanks you. Thank

you. I am going to hang onto this thought. Try to ignore

the looks and try to treasure the moments we had at the zoo that

were fun.

Pam

" r_woman2 " <me2ruth@...> wrote:

>

>

> >

> > My daughter bites me when she has had too much. She is 11 and she doesn't

get that others may think this is wierd.

>

> Hugs, Pam! My son finally started getting this stuff when he was about 12 and

a half, starting 7th grade. Or maybe I should say, having enough self control

to take action on it. Just to say, this won't go on forever. Now, at the 8th

grade, as far as I can tell from his evaluation, he isn't indulging in the

atypical behavior that bugs people. Interestingly, he hasn't found behaviors to

replace it with yet. He sits in class and does nothing instead of the stimming

type stuff. So, now we have to work on getting him to notice what is going on

around him and to start participating in it. He has a handful of acquaintances

at school that he talks to, even initiates conversations, but if they aren't

around, he just doesn't talk to anybody. And he doesn't seem to think about

going and bringing his " friends " into the picture if they don't just happen to

be there.

>

> Ruth

>

[Guest guest]

pam-

" she doesn't get that other may think this is wierd "

there are many " wierd " things that my daughter will do. and it is not that I

care what other people think, but i care because she cares how her peers

perceive her. the worst display the reoccurs is if someone bumps her (this can

include a soft brush)she will hit the ground rolling from side to side for 2

minutes or more wincing in pain. (i have to think the ground contact would be

more painful than the bump.) the kids stare at her and then walk away. she

doesn't understand that this could be seen as wierd. i know this is sensory

issues but she can't see this as a problem and will not seek help.

she doesn't bite but last year, she would hit. this year she gets verbally

aggressive. i too get to the point where i have had enough.

melody

> >

> > The ballgames went as I thought, not so well. To remind everyone, we had 2

ballgames last night in two different towns. I was armed with everything I could

think of, but still overload was the situation. No fits-just stressed and tired.

The second game was in our hometown and didn't start until 8:00, so my mother

graciously watched him for about a hour so I could stay and watch my older

child. He said today that the games were " fun " but  one was enough!

> > The uh oh moment was when he found a tube of carmex in my purse and

proceeded to squirt it on the lady next to him and then I thought I had taken it

away from him, he had it again and was smearing it on the bench! Oh well, what

are we to do!

> > Lori

> >

>

[Guest guest]

We teach our 8 year old son, with advice from the team working with him (we NEVER

even though of such a simple thing on our own---shame on us!).....that regardless of

what he does, it is NEVER AN EXCUSE (referring to the rolling on the ground).... we have

been working hard and heavy right now on that OTHER PEOPLE HAVE NO IDEA HE HAS A.S.

but that he is doing something they don't do / he is different, and that he does not want to be

like that, so we are really working on that. He is obsessed with dressing up like the principal (basically)

for school each day even though no one else does; so once per two weeks, we let him. He has to wear

a necklace to school daily; we don't let him anymore and give great reasons (get stuck on your button down shirt

today and be a safety hazard, doesn't match the outfit, not your school clothes (it is a school emblem necklace he

wants to wear); like the pros said, if we don't start now, things will get worse and worse with him..........he

is started to ask if it is a good idea, what I think now, etc., rather than demanding me to put the necklace on,

wear dress clothes, etc. AND, he is starting to act like he cares if others care or not.

We have a 15 1/2 year old A.S. too but they are like two different knights in shining armor; can't compare, so the

issues we have along the way are like soooooooo different it is like we are first timers or something!!!

That just stuck out at me from below with the story of the girl on the ground....I would be working with her on that,

having your waiver workers help get that under control, etc., etc. (and if you don't have a waiver, I would be looking in

to that and getting on the list IMMEDIATELY because it changes everything!)......waivers ROCK!!

Ruthie & Dolezal

From: susanonderko@...Date: Sun, 24 May 2009 01:07:20 +0000Subject: ( ) Re: games were a little much!

Melody it is really good to share these incidents. Like Lori'sstory of her son at the ballgame. I do appreciate the feedbackso much because in the last year I have found the variousfamily members and even our therapists (I have more than one I have talked to over the years) have seemed to lose patience with us as a family. When I hear your and Lori's stories I think you are both trying to help your children and not isolate them. I know my familythinks I (mom) should have this solved already. But Ruth gives me hope that if we keep up with the kindness and support of our children (as I know Ruth is very supportive of her son from all the time she addresses his needs) we will see progress.Pamas a Mom could do anything different. > > >> > > The ballgames went as I thought, not so well. To remind everyone, we had 2 ballgames last night in two different towns. I was armed with everything I could think of, but still overload was the situation. No fits-just stressed and tired. The second game was in our hometown and didn't start until 8:00, so my mother graciously watched him for about a hour so I could stay and watch my older child. He said today that the games were "fun" but one was enough!> > > The uh oh moment was when he found a tube of carmex in my purse and proceeded to squirt it on the lady next to him and then I thought I had taken it away from him, he had it again and was smearing it on the bench! Oh well, what are we to do!> > > Lori> > >> >>

[Guest guest]

Hi thanks for the response. There is such a balance to be found with

our kidos. My daughter has some things that do not harm anyone.

These are what I consider cosmetic issues, carrying a small stuffed dog, going

without socks, dressing in very soft casual clothes.

Keeping her hair somewhat messy.

Our school principal likes to focus on these. I suppose because it

seems easiest to fix (maybe not). I don't make a big deal of these

because I am focused on making sure she has her teeth brushed, gets

enough sleep. Health type issues.

Another goal is to not be homebound. So if my daughter rolls on the

ground (not hurting me), tugs on my hair (annoys me only) I try

to distract her and keep her engaged in the outting. It would be

great if instead of poking me when she feels frustration she

would go and sit and read a book (maybe in a few years).

But I know when I react with anger/sternness she has a meltdown.

But the goal is to get out of the house and do kid approriate

activities. And as you said try to minimize the maladaptive stress

responses (if possible).

There needs to be some acceptance of our kids, the ones that

are not hurting others. And then some behavior change of the

most important ones that hurt them greatly (too self centered).

We all struggle to find a balance between change and growth

and acceptance for where they are at and the struggle they

endure.

Pam

> > > >

> > > > The ballgames went as I thought, not so well. To remind everyone, we had

2 ballgames last night in two different towns. I was armed with everything I

could think of, but still overload was the situation. No fits-just stressed and

tired. The second game was in our hometown and didn't start until 8:00, so my

mother graciously watched him for about a hour so I could stay and watch my

older child. He said today that the games were " fun " but one was enough!

> > > > The uh oh moment was when he found a tube of carmex in my purse and

proceeded to squirt it on the lady next to him and then I thought I had taken it

away from him, he had it again and was smearing it on the bench! Oh well, what

are we to do!

> > > > Lori

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

ruthie-

excuse me ruthie, what is a waiver worker?

regards, melody

> > > >

> > > > The ballgames went as I thought, not so well. To remind everyone, we had

2 ballgames last night in two different towns. I was armed with everything I

could think of, but still overload was the situation. No fits-just stressed and

tired. The second game was in our hometown and didn't start until 8:00, so my

mother graciously watched him for about a hour so I could stay and watch my

older child. He said today that the games were " fun " but one was enough!

> > > > The uh oh moment was when he found a tube of carmex in my purse and

proceeded to squirt it on the lady next to him and then I thought I had taken it

away from him, he had it again and was smearing it on the bench! Oh well, what

are we to do!

> > > > Lori

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

ruthie-

i read your replys out of order, so i picked up some info about a waiver worker

in another post. so thanx, melody

> > > > >

> > > > > The ballgames went as I thought, not so well. To remind everyone, we

had 2 ballgames last night in two different towns. I was armed with everything I

could think of, but still overload was the situation. No fits-just stressed and

tired. The second game was in our hometown and didn't start until 8:00, so my

mother graciously watched him for about a hour so I could stay and watch my

older child. He said today that the games were " fun " but one was enough!

> > > > > The uh oh moment was when he found a tube of carmex in my purse and

proceeded to squirt it on the lady next to him and then I thought I had taken it

away from him, he had it again and was smearing it on the bench! Oh well, what

are we to do!

> > > > > Lori

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Balance sounds like a nice idea but only in eliminating behaviors that interfere with life - i.e. balance in which to eliminate first. It may not be a big deal to carry around a stuffed animal, but eventually, kids will start to tease her for it and of course, her boss won't like it either. It is probably easier for a girl to do this than a boy. My ds (not AS) had to have a stuffed animal as well but he kept it in his bookbag. So he knew it was there with him at school, but not carried with him so he wouldn't be teased. Compromise can really help. Like Ruthie said, teaching them sooner is easier than later.

Rolling on the ground is not a great idea even though it doesn't hurt anyone else - it hurts them to do this. My ds (hfa) did this in 3rd grade out of boredom and the teacher let him for the year because it wasn't hurting anyone and I suppose he didn't know what to expect with my ds. I was so upset when I found out he had been doing that all year long. No wonder nobody invited him over for playdates or a birthday party. He was the weird kid who spent his time rolling around on the floor. I could have screamed when I learned that he was doing that. It was like erasing all the hard work everyone had been striving for in just one daily activity. And it was not that hard to get him to stop it - he did it because he could and he was bored. He had no idea how it made it look to others and didn't consider that either. But teacher let him since he was autistic. Lower the standards there....ugh.

For hair pulling and biting, I would get her some small fidget toys and teach her to redirect her pulling on you with fidgeting. Just because a behavior isn't Hurting anyone, doesn't mean it should continue or be allowed to continue. You may not mind being the human fidget toy for her now, but you might start to mind when she's older. And you won't be around forever as well. She may replace you with someone else, who might not appreciate it as much as you do. Teaching common manners, respect of other people's property and body, personal space, how to handle stress, boredom and anger, etc. All of these are important and even more so for our kids. It takes more work to address these things but it will be worthwhile in the end as our kids have the potential to go out and be independent someday. This makes it even more important to focus on even seemingly "unimportant" behaviors because they do matter in the end.

Roxanna

Autism Happens

( ) Re: games were a little much!

Hi thanks for the response. There is such a balance to be found with

our kidos. My daughter has some things that do not harm anyone.

These are what I consider cosmetic issues, carrying a small stuffed dog, going without socks, dressing in very soft casual clothes.

Keeping her hair somewhat messy.

Our school principal likes to focus on these. I suppose because it

seems easiest to fix (maybe not). I don't make a big deal of these

because I am focused on making sure she has her teeth brushed, gets

enough sleep. Health type issues.

Another goal is to not be homebound. So if my daughter rolls on the

ground (not hurting me), tugs on my hair (annoys me only) I try

to distract her and keep her engaged in the outting. It would be

great if instead of poking me when she feels frustration she

would go and sit and read a book (maybe in a few years).

But I know when I react with anger/sternness she has a meltdown.

But the goal is to get out of the house and do kid approriate

activities. And as you said try to minimize the maladaptive stress

responses (if possible).

There needs to be some acceptance of our kids, the ones that

are not hurting others. And then some behavior change of the

most important ones that hurt them greatly (too self centered).

We all struggle to find a balance between change and growth

and acceptance for where they are at and the struggle they

endure.

Pam

> > > >

> > > > The ballgames went as I thought, not so well. To remind everyone, we had 2 ballgames last night in two different towns. I was armed with everything I could think of, but still overload was the situation. No fits-just stressed and tired. The second game was in our hometown and didn't start until 8:00, so my mother graciously watched him for about a hour so I could stay and watch my older child. He said today that the games were "fun" but one was enough!

> > > > The uh oh moment was when he found a tube of carmex in my purse and proceeded to squirt it on the lady next to him and then I thought I had taken it away from him, he had it again and was smearing it on the bench! Oh well, what are we to do!

> > > > Lori

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

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