Re: Frustrated, deflated, and dealing with those who Already have all the answers...

[Guest guest]

so sorry to hear you had it rough,i will try to post more later.sheryFrom: O'Brien <nicole.obrien@...> Sent: Friday, May 22, 2009 8:36:07 AMSubject: ( ) Frustrated, deflated, and dealing with those who "Already have all the

answers"...

Had my meeting with the school yesterday. I am completely

frustrated and I failed yesterday at trying not to cry in front of the kids

(glad I held it together in front of the teachers/principal DURING the meeting).

The meeting didn’t go at all the way I’d hoped. I

started the meeting off by saying that I wanted this to be a positive meeting,

that it wasn’t about me against them, or them against me. That this had

to be child focused. That was responded to with a story about asking the kids

what their primary job was, that it was not to teach them, that it was actually

to “keep them safeâ€. That set the tone for the rest of the meeting,

where it was clear they were focused on “my children’s behaviorâ€

and “keeping the other children safeâ€. Sigh. The rest of the meeting, I felt like every time I’d say

something, they’d come back at me with a reason why what I was saying was

irrelevant, and they needed to “Focus on the behaviors.†I told

them I didn’t want them to IGNORE the behaviors, but rather I wanted them

to understand and acknowledge that the YEARS of dealing with my kids, different

schools, different psychologists, psychiatrists, specialists of all

kinds… that I had learned a thing or two, and could provide them with

some ideas to save them from the headache of trying strategies that just

aren’t going to work. I told them I wasn’t needing to be focused on

a “label†or “DX†per say… but that my

children are two very bright little boys who clearly need some help… now.

And while we can’t change anything on paper without an official

diagnosis, certain strategies applicable to one “behavioral

condition†(as they called it) aren’t going to work with

Aspergers… and THAT is why we have to focus on trying different

strategies. I requested speech language assessment for my youngest. I

requested that he be placed under a “developmental delay†“labelâ€,

I guess you could call it, so that we could start an IEP for him. I requested

FBA for both children. We will see what comes of all of that. I don’t have my hopes up. We’ve already dealt with teachers who wanted to write my

eldest off. Who figured that he had “ODD†and therefore, was just a

defiant brat, who needed to be “Taught a lessonâ€. And THEN, after

all their efforts didn’t work, he was written off as the child who “didn’t

learn from his mistakesâ€. HA! When are they going to get a clue? I am seriously considering pulling them both and homeschooling

until we get a diagnosis. I emailed our premier for the province, I emailed our

local MHA in my riding to complain about wait times… because WITHOUT that

diagnosis, families are expected to just suffer. And mine is. My relationship with my husband has paid the

ultimate price… and if we can’t get things turned around quickly, I

am scared for where we’ll end up When did teaching become so negative and self-righteous? When

did it stop being about empowering these children through positive affirmation and

approaches? Sigh. =)

[Guest guest]

Sorry if this offends anyone, but , this sucks. Sounds like you went in with the right attitude, hopeful, not confrontational, positive, and you didn't get the same in return. I know when my son was younger and in a different school, we also got the "safety" crap which I understood to some degree but they were putting his behaviors under a "defective character" umbrella and didn't try effective strategies to help him. How many lectures can you give a 2nd grade student? Seriously!!!!! When he went to a new school, they actually set aside some of the suspect behaviors and tried to really figure out how my son's brain worked and tried new strategies to help him be successful. When they approach it as "helping your son be successful" instead of "protecting other children in the classroom", you'll have a completely different set of strategies in place! And voila,

when my son was successful, he wasn't as much of a distraction in the classroom. DUH. I totally feel your pain! Us moving to a new elementary school half-way through 3rd grade to a school w/ staff who were more concerned w/ Dylan's abilities/disabilities and not seeing him as the classroom threat made a huge difference.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: O'Brien <nicole.obrien@...> Sent: Friday, May 22, 2009 7:36:07 AMSubject: ( ) Frustrated, deflated, and dealing with those who "Already have all the answers"...

Had my meeting with the school yesterday. I am completely frustrated and I failed yesterday at trying not to cry in front of the kids (glad I held it together in front of the teachers/principal DURING the meeting).

The meeting didn’t go at all the way I’d hoped. I started the meeting off by saying that I wanted this to be a positive meeting, that it wasn’t about me against them, or them against me. That this had to be child focused. That was responded to with a story about asking the kids what their primary job was, that it was not to teach them, that it was actually to “keep them safeâ€. That set the tone for the rest of the meeting, where it was clear they were focused on “my children’s behavior†and “keeping the other children safeâ€. Sigh.

The rest of the meeting, I felt like every time I’d say something, they’d come back at me with a reason why what I was saying was irrelevant, and they needed to “Focus on the behaviors.†I told them I didn’t want them to IGNORE the behaviors, but rather I wanted them to understand and acknowledge that the YEARS of dealing with my kids, different schools, different psychologists, psychiatrists, specialists of all kinds… that I had learned a thing or two, and could provide them with some ideas to save them from the headache of trying strategies that just aren’t going to work. I told them I wasn’t needing to be focused on a “label†or “DX†per say… but that my children are two very bright little boys who clearly need some help… now. And while we can’t change anything on paper without an official diagnosis, certain strategies applicable to one “behavioral

condition†(as they called it) aren’t going to work with Aspergers… and THAT is why we have to focus on trying different strategies.

I requested speech language assessment for my youngest. I requested that he be placed under a “developmental delay†“labelâ€, I guess you could call it, so that we could start an IEP for him. I requested FBA for both children. We will see what comes of all of that.

I don’t have my hopes up.

We’ve already dealt with teachers who wanted to write my eldest off. Who figured that he had “ODD†and therefore, was just a defiant brat, who needed to be “Taught a lessonâ€. And THEN, after all their efforts didn’t work, he was written off as the child who “didn’t learn from his mistakesâ€. HA! When are they going to get a clue?

I am seriously considering pulling them both and homeschooling until we get a diagnosis. I emailed our premier for the province, I emailed our local MHA in my riding to complain about wait times… because WITHOUT that diagnosis, families are expected to just suffer.

And mine is. My relationship with my husband has paid the ultimate price… and if we can’t get things turned around quickly, I am scared for where we’ll end up

When did teaching become so negative and self-righteous? When did it stop being about empowering these children through positive affirmation and approaches?

Sigh.

=)

[Guest guest]

this is how it is in so many districts. I am sorry for

you and for all of us. This is what we get. Just try and not get burned out

sweetie. My story is similar.

Pam

>

>

>

> Had my meeting with the school yesterday. I am completely frustrated and I

> failed yesterday at trying not to cry in front of the kids (glad I held it

> together in front of the teachers/principal DURING the meeting).

>

>

>

> The meeting didn't go at all the way I'd hoped. I started the meeting off by

> saying that I wanted this to be a positive meeting, that it wasn't about me

> against them, or them against me. That this had to be child focused. That

> was responded to with a story about asking the kids what their primary job

> was, that it was not to teach them, that it was actually to " keep them

> safe " . That set the tone for the rest of the meeting, where it was clear

> they were focused on " my children's behavior " and " keeping the other

> children safe " . Sigh.

>

>

>

> The rest of the meeting, I felt like every time I'd say something, they'd

> come back at me with a reason why what I was saying was irrelevant, and they

> needed to " Focus on the behaviors. " I told them I didn't want them to IGNORE

> the behaviors, but rather I wanted them to understand and acknowledge that

> the YEARS of dealing with my kids, different schools, different

> psychologists, psychiatrists, specialists of all kinds. that I had learned a

> thing or two, and could provide them with some ideas to save them from the

> headache of trying strategies that just aren't going to work. I told them I

> wasn't needing to be focused on a " label " or " DX " per say. but that my

> children are two very bright little boys who clearly need some help. now.

> And while we can't change anything on paper without an official diagnosis,

> certain strategies applicable to one " behavioral condition " (as they called

> it) aren't going to work with Aspergers. and THAT is why we have to focus on

> trying different strategies.

>

>

>

> I requested speech language assessment for my youngest. I requested that he

> be placed under a " developmental delay " " label " , I guess you could call it,

> so that we could start an IEP for him. I requested FBA for both children. We

> will see what comes of all of that.

>

>

>

> I don't have my hopes up.

>

>

>

> We've already dealt with teachers who wanted to write my eldest off. Who

> figured that he had " ODD " and therefore, was just a defiant brat, who needed

> to be " Taught a lesson " . And THEN, after all their efforts didn't work, he

> was written off as the child who " didn't learn from his mistakes " . HA! When

> are they going to get a clue?

>

>

>

> I am seriously considering pulling them both and homeschooling until we get

> a diagnosis. I emailed our premier for the province, I emailed our local MHA

> in my riding to complain about wait times. because WITHOUT that diagnosis,

> families are expected to just suffer.

>

>

>

> And mine is. My relationship with my husband has paid the ultimate price.

> and if we can't get things turned around quickly, I am scared for where

> we'll end up

>

>

>

> When did teaching become so negative and self-righteous? When did it stop

> being about empowering these children through positive affirmation and

> approaches?

>

>

>

> Sigh.

>

>

>

> =)

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks . You’re right, it does suck. And I’ve spent SO

many years dealing with people who just want to write my kids off as the “classroom

threat†instead of helping them succeed, and in doing so, BENEFITTING THE OTHER

KIDS TOO… that I’m used to it. And I think that sucks, too. Sigh.

=)

From:

[mailto: ] On

Behalf Of MacAllister

Sent: Friday, May 22, 2009 10:55 AM

Subject: Re: ( ) Frustrated, deflated, and dealing with

those who " Already have all the answers " ...

Sorry if

this offends anyone, but , this sucks. Sounds like you went in with

the right attitude, hopeful, not confrontational, positive, and you didn't get

the same in return. I know when my son was younger and in

a different school, we also got the " safety " crap which I

understood to some degree but they were putting his behaviors under

a " defective character " umbrella and didn't try effective

strategies to help him. How many lectures can you give a 2nd grade

student? Seriously!!!!! When he went to a new school, they

actually set aside some of the suspect behaviors and tried to really

figure out how my son's brain worked and tried new strategies to help him be

successful. When they approach it as " helping your son be

successful " instead of " protecting other children in the

classroom " , you'll have a completely different set of strategies in

place! And voila, when my son was successful, he wasn't as much

of a distraction in the classroom. DUH. I totally feel your

pain! Us moving to a new elementary school half-way through 3rd grade to

a school w/ staff who were more concerned w/ Dylan's abilities/disabilities and

not seeing him as the classroom threat made a huge difference.

" Over-optimism

is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out. "

From: O'Brien <nicole.obrien@...>

Sent: Friday, May 22, 2009 7:36:07 AM

Subject: ( ) Frustrated, deflated, and dealing with those

who " Already have all the answers " ...

Had my meeting with the school

yesterday. I am completely frustrated and I failed yesterday at trying not to

cry in front of the kids (glad I held it together in front of the

teachers/principal DURING the meeting).

The meeting didn’t go at all the way I’d

hoped. I started the meeting off by saying that I wanted this to be a positive

meeting, that it wasn’t about me against them, or them against me. That this

had to be child focused. That was responded to with a story about asking the

kids what their primary job was, that it was not to teach them, that it was

actually to “keep them safeâ€. That set the tone for the rest of the meeting,

where it was clear they were focused on “my children’s behavior†and “keeping

the other children safeâ€. Sigh.

The rest of the meeting, I felt like

every time I’d say something, they’d come back at me with a reason why what I

was saying was irrelevant, and they needed to “Focus on the behaviors.†I told

them I didn’t want them to IGNORE the behaviors, but rather I wanted them to

understand and acknowledge that the YEARS of dealing with my kids, different

schools, different psychologists, psychiatrists, specialists of all kinds… that

I had learned a thing or two, and could provide them with some ideas to save

them from the headache of trying strategies that just aren’t going to work. I

told them I wasn’t needing to be focused on a “label†or “DX†per say… but

that my children are two very bright little boys who clearly need some help…

now. And while we can’t change anything on paper without an official diagnosis,

certain strategies applicable to one “behavioral condition†(as they called it)

aren’t going to work with Aspergers… and THAT is why we have to focus on trying

different strategies.

I requested speech language assessment

for my youngest. I requested that he be placed under a “developmental delayâ€

“labelâ€, I guess you could call it, so that we could start an IEP for him. I

requested FBA for both children. We will see what comes of all of that.

I don’t have my hopes up.

We’ve already dealt with teachers who

wanted to write my eldest off. Who figured that he had “ODD†and therefore, was

just a defiant brat, who needed to be “Taught a lessonâ€. And THEN, after all

their efforts didn’t work, he was written off as the child who “didn’t learn

from his mistakesâ€. HA! When are they going to get a clue?

I am seriously considering pulling them

both and homeschooling until we get a diagnosis. I emailed our premier for the

province, I emailed our local MHA in my riding to complain about wait times…

because WITHOUT that diagnosis, families are expected to just suffer.

And mine is. My relationship with my

husband has paid the ultimate price… and if we can’t get things turned around

quickly, I am scared for where we’ll end up

When did teaching become so negative and

self-righteous? When did it stop being about empowering these children through

positive affirmation and approaches?

Sigh.

=)

[Guest guest]

Hey Pam… thanks for the support. The phrase “this is what we get”

is so true, and yet, so VERY VERY wrong. I HATE that we have to fight so hard

just to get what our kids deserve. And I HATE that it affects us personally,

and our children, and our MARRIAGE, and no one else seems to care. Sigh.

=)

From:

[mailto: ] On

Behalf Of susanonderko

Sent: Friday, May 22, 2009 11:48 AM

Subject: ( ) Re: Frustrated, deflated, and dealing with

those who " Already have all the answers " ...

this is how it is in so many districts.

I am sorry for

you and for all of us. This is what we get. Just try and not get burned out

sweetie. My story is similar.

Pam

>

>

>

> Had my meeting with the school yesterday. I am completely frustrated and I

> failed yesterday at trying not to cry in front of the kids (glad I held it

> together in front of the teachers/principal DURING the meeting).

>

>

>

> The meeting didn't go at all the way I'd hoped. I started the meeting off

by

> saying that I wanted this to be a positive meeting, that it wasn't about

me

> against them, or them against me. That this had to be child focused. That

> was responded to with a story about asking the kids what their primary job

> was, that it was not to teach them, that it was actually to " keep

them

> safe " . That set the tone for the rest of the meeting, where it was

clear

> they were focused on " my children's behavior " and " keeping

the other

> children safe " . Sigh.

>

>

>

> The rest of the meeting, I felt like every time I'd say something, they'd

> come back at me with a reason why what I was saying was irrelevant, and

they

> needed to " Focus on the behaviors. " I told them I didn't want

them to IGNORE

> the behaviors, but rather I wanted them to understand and acknowledge that

> the YEARS of dealing with my kids, different schools, different

> psychologists, psychiatrists, specialists of all kinds. that I had learned

a

> thing or two, and could provide them with some ideas to save them from the

> headache of trying strategies that just aren't going to work. I told them

I

> wasn't needing to be focused on a " label " or " DX " per

say. but that my

> children are two very bright little boys who clearly need some help. now.

> And while we can't change anything on paper without an official diagnosis,

> certain strategies applicable to one " behavioral condition " (as

they called

> it) aren't going to work with Aspergers. and THAT is why we have to focus

on

> trying different strategies.

>

>

>

> I requested speech language assessment for my youngest. I requested that

he

> be placed under a " developmental delay " " label " , I

guess you could call it,

> so that we could start an IEP for him. I requested FBA for both children.

We

> will see what comes of all of that.

>

>

>

> I don't have my hopes up.

>

>

>

> We've already dealt with teachers who wanted to write my eldest off. Who

> figured that he had " ODD " and therefore, was just a defiant

brat, who needed

> to be " Taught a lesson " . And THEN, after all their efforts

didn't work, he

> was written off as the child who " didn't learn from his

mistakes " . HA! When

> are they going to get a clue?

>

>

>

> I am seriously considering pulling them both and homeschooling until we

get

> a diagnosis. I emailed our premier for the province, I emailed our local

MHA

> in my riding to complain about wait times. because WITHOUT that diagnosis,

> families are expected to just suffer.

>

>

>

> And mine is. My relationship with my husband has paid the ultimate price.

> and if we can't get things turned around quickly, I am scared for where

> we'll end up

>

>

>

> When did teaching become so negative and self-righteous? When did it stop

> being about empowering these children through positive affirmation and

> approaches?

>

>

>

> Sigh.

>

>

>

> =)

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you Roxanna. Thankfully, today is Friday, so I can take

your advice, and take the weekend to come up with a letter. I think this is a

brilliant idea… so thank you for that.

Remember me mentioning how my youngest had pulled a child out of

the way to access his kit? Well further to my questioning, I come to find out

that the kit basket was in the middle of the table, my son’s chair on one side,

this child’s chair on the other. Apparently he walked around the table, hauled

her out of the way, and got his kit, went back and sat down and started doing

his work. She said he “could’ve reached from his chairâ€. So then they roll

their eyes, because you know… his teacher AND the principal have “a shared

background in special education†and therefore know everything.

Would you believe, that the kindergarten teacher looked at me

and said… “You know, if it is Aspergers, you’re lucky. I have a friend who’s

son has Aspergers, and if he was here, he’d be licking all the walls right now.â€â€¦.

WHAT kind of a statement is that?!!?!

Sigh…

Thanks again for the support!

=)

From:

[mailto: ] On

Behalf Of Roxanna

Sent: Friday, May 22, 2009 1:23 PM

Subject: Re: ( ) Frustrated, deflated, and dealing with

those who " Already have all the answers " ...

Sorry to hear it went so badly, . Give it a few

days and then write up a follow up letter. You can then outline what you

mean without having them interrupt with their comments. And you can also

deal with their comments by using examples or citing information on AS.

Roxanna

Autism Happens

( ) Frustrated, deflated, and dealing with those who

" Already have all the answers " ...

Had my meeting

with the school yesterday. I am completely frustrated and I failed yesterday at

trying not to cry in front of the kids (glad I held it together in front of the

teachers/principal DURING the meeting).

The meeting

didn’t go at all the way I’d hoped. I started the meeting off by saying that I

wanted this to be a positive meeting, that it wasn’t about me against them, or

them against me. That this had to be child focused. That was responded to with

a story about asking the kids what their primary job was, that it was not to

teach them, that it was actually to “keep them safeâ€. That set the tone for the

rest of the meeting, where it was clear they were focused on “my children’s

behavior†and “keeping the other children safeâ€. Sigh.

The rest of the

meeting, I felt like every time I’d say something, they’d come back at me with

a reason why what I was saying was irrelevant, and they needed to “Focus on the

behaviors.†I20told them I didn’t want them to IGNORE the behaviors, but rather

I wanted them to understand and acknowledge that the YEARS of dealing with my

kids, different schools, different psychologists, psychiatrists, specialists of

all kinds… that I had learned a thing or two, and could provide them with some

ideas to save them from the headache of trying strategies that just aren’t

going to work. I told them I wasn’t needing to be focused on a “label†or “DXâ€

per say… but that my children are two very bright little boys who clearly

need some help… now. And while we can’t change anything on paper without an

official diagnosis, certain strategies applicable to one “behavioral conditionâ€

(as they called it) aren’t going to work with Aspergers… and THAT is why we

have to focus on trying different strategies.

I requested

speech language assessment for my youngest. I requested that he be placed under

a “developmental delay†“labelâ€, I guess you could call it, so that we could

start an IEP for him. I requested FBA for both children. We will see what comes

of all of that.

I don’t have my hopes up.

We’ve already

dealt with teachers who wanted to write my eldest off. Who figured that he had

“ODD†and therefore, was just a defiant brat, who needed to be “Taught a

lessonâ€. And THEN, after all their efforts didn’t work, he was written off as

the child who “didn’t learn from his mistakesâ€. HA! When are they going to get

a clue?

I am seriously

considering pulling them both and homeschooling until we get a diagnosis. I

emailed our premier for the province, I emailed our local MHA in my riding to

complain about wait times… because WITHOUT that diagnosis, families are

expected to just suffer.

And mine is. My

relationship with my husband has paid the ultimate price… and if we can’t get

things turned around quickly, I am scared for where we’ll end up

When did

teaching become so negative and self-righteous? When did it stop being about

empowering these children through positive affirmation and approaches?

Sigh.

=)

We found the real 'Hotel California' and the 'Seinfeld' diner.

What will you find? Explore

WhereItsAt.com.

[Guest guest]

Sorry to hear it went so badly, . Give it a few days and then write up a follow up letter. You can then outline what you mean without having them interrupt with their comments. And you can also deal with their comments by using examples or citing information on AS.

Roxanna

Autism Happens

( ) Frustrated, deflated, and dealing with those who "Already have all the answers"...

Had my meeting with the school yesterday. I am completely

frustrated and I failed yesterday at trying not to cry in front of the kids

(glad I held it together in front of the teachers/principal DURING the meeting).

The meeting didn’t go at all the way I’d hoped. I

started the meeting off by saying that I wanted this to be a positive meeting,

that it wasn’t about me against them, or them against me. That this had

to be child focused. That was responded to with a story about asking the kids

what their primary job was, that it was not to teach them, that it was actually

to “keep them safeâ€. That set the tone for the rest of the meeting,

where it was clear they were focused on “my children’s behaviorâ€

and “keeping the other children safeâ€. Sigh.

The rest of the meeting, I felt like every time I’d say

something, they’d come back at me with a reason why what I was saying was

irrelevant, and they needed to “Focus on the behaviors.†I20told

them I didn’t want them to IGNORE the behaviors, but rather I wanted them

to understand and acknowledge that the YEARS of dealing with my kids, different

schools, different psychologists, psychiatrists, specialists of all

kinds… that I had learned a thing or two, and could provide them with

some ideas to save them from the headache of trying strategies that just

aren’t going to work. I told them I wasn’t needing to be focused on

a “label†or “DX†per say… but that my

children are two very bright little boys who clearly need some help… now.

And while we can’t change anything on paper without an official

diagnosis, certain strategies applicable to one “behavioral

condition†(as they called it) aren’t going to work with

Aspergers… and THAT is why we have to focus on trying different

strategies.

I requested speech language assessment for my youngest. I

requested that he be placed under a “developmental delay†“labelâ€,

I guess you could call it, so that we could start an IEP for him. I requested

FBA for both children. We will see what comes of all of that.

I don’t have my hopes up.

We’ve already dealt with teachers who wanted to write my

eldest off. Who figured that he had “ODD†and therefore, was just a

defiant brat, who needed to be “Taught a lessonâ€. And THEN, after

all their efforts didn’t work, he was written off as the child who “didn’t

learn from his mistakesâ€. HA! When are they going to get a clue?

I am seriously considering pulling them both and homeschooling

until we get a diagnosis. I emailed our premier for the province, I emailed our

local MHA in my riding to complain about wait times… because WITHOUT that

diagnosis, families are expected to just suffer.

And mine is. My relationship with my husband has paid the

ultimate price… and if we can’t get things turned around quickly, I

am scared for where we’ll end up

When did teaching become so negative and self-righteous? When

did it stop being about empowering these children through positive affirmation and

approaches?

Sigh.

=)

We found the real 'Hotel California' and the 'Seinfeld' diner. What will you find? Explore WhereItsAt.com.

[Guest guest]

Thank you! I appreciate all your ideas. I have offered to help

volunteer at the school, but since I started halfway through the year, they’ve

all but informed me that “I’ll have to wait til next year, as the volunteer

rotation has already been established for the yearâ€. I also plan to get on the

school council next year (and then LOOK OUT lol). They will be sick of seeing

me and hearing from me next year, and I really don’t care. I’m not there to be

their friend. A good “working relationship†is ideal, but let’s face it… for

parents like us who have to fight like H**L for our kids, doing whatever it

takes to make things right is my approach.

As for the tips for my hubby, that’s a good idea, and I will

definitely give it a try! Thanks for the suggestion

=)

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of maryahmaki

Sent: Friday, May 22, 2009 1:55 PM

Subject: Re: ( ) Frustrated, deflated, and dealing with

those who " Already have all the answers " ...

,

I'm so sorry to hear about this. Why do some principals and teachers dig in and

not listen to new ideas? I just don't know. Maybe the best idea is to get the

official diagnosis first, and homeschool for now. I just don't have any ideas,

except maybe to find out if there's any way to know if any other children in

the school have been diagnosed with this. Then to talk to their teachers about

how they handle things. With all the privacy laws now, though, I'm not sure if

that's possible. Just an idea. Another idea-I don't have any idea of your

schedule (do you work? Do you have other kids at home?), but could you

volunteer at the school? Once you get to know teachers, they tend to not be

able to tell you no as much.

About your husband, I'll just give you one idea I've been trying that I heard

on Dr. Phil. He said that the first 2 minutes that occure after you've been

away from your spouse all day will set the tone for the entire time you're

together. When you see him, don't unload your lousy day on him, or let him

unload on you. Just smile, give him a great hug or kiss, and just let him know

how much you missed him. After those 2 minutes, you can unload on eachother,

but for those first 2 minutes just revel in being with eachother. It has seemed

to help with my husband. We both have problems, but I try to make sure he knows

I'm glad he's there.

>

>

> Sorry to hear it went so badly, . Give it a few days and then

write up a follow up letter. You can then outline what you mean without

having them interrupt with their comments. And you can also deal with

their comments by using examples or citing information on AS.Â

>

>

>

>

>

> Â Roxanna

>

> Autism Happens

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ( ) Frustrated, deflated, and dealing with those

who " Already have all the answers " ...

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Â

>

>

>

> Had my meeting with the school yesterday. I am completely

> frustrated and I failed yesterday at trying not to cry in front of the kids

> (glad I held it together in front of the teachers/principal DURING the

meeting).

>

>

>

>

> Â

>

>

>

> The meeting didn’t go at all the way I’d hoped. I

> started the meeting off by saying that I wanted this to be a positive

meeting,

> that it wasn’t about me against them, or them against me. That this had

> to be child focused. That was responded to with a story about asking the

kids

> what their primary job was, that it was not to teach them, that it was

actually

> to “keep them safeâ€Â. That set the tone for the rest of the meeting,

> where it was

> clear they were focused on “my children’s behaviorâ€Â

> and “keeping the other children safeâ€Â. Sigh.

>

>

>

> Â

>

>

>

> The rest of the meeting, I felt like every time I’d say

> something, they’d come back at me with a reason why what I was saying

was

> irrelevant, and they needed to “Focus on the behaviors.†I told

> them I didn’t want them to IGNORE the behaviors, but rather I wanted

them

> to understand and acknowledge that the YEARS of dealing with my kids,

different

> schools, different psychologists, psychiatrists, specialists of all

> kinds… that I had learned a thing or two, and could provide them with

> some ideas to save them from the headache of trying strategies that just

> aren’t going to work. I told them I wasn’t needing to be focused on

> a “label†or “DX†per say… but that my

> children are two very bright little boys who clearly need some help…

now.

> And while we can’t change anything on paper without an official

> diagnosis, certain strategies applicable to one “behavioral

> condition†(as they called it) aren’t going to work with

> Aspergers… and THAT is why we have to focus on trying different

> strategies.

>

>

>

> Â

>

>

>

> I requested speech language assessment for my youngest. I

> requested that he be placed under a “developmental delay†“labelâ€Â,

> I guess you could call it, so that we could start an IEP for him. I

requested

> FBA for

> both children. We will see what comes of all of that.

>

>

>

> Â

>

>

>

> I don’t have my hopes up.

>

>

>

> Â

>

>

>

> We’ve already dealt with teachers who wanted to write my

> eldest off. Who figured that he had “ODD†and therefore, was just a

> defiant brat, who needed to be “Taught a lessonâ€Â. And THEN, after

> all their efforts didn’t work, he was written off as the child who

“didn’t

> learn from his mistakesâ€Â. HA! When are they going to get a clue?

>

>

>

> Â

>

>

>

> I am seriously considering pulling them both and homeschooling

> until we get a diagnosis. I emailed our premier for the province, I

emailed our

> local MHA in my riding to complain about wait times… because WITHOUT

that

> diagnosis, families are expected to just suffer.

>

>

>

> Â

>

>

>

> And mine is. My relationship with my husband has paid the

> ultimate price… and if we can’t get things turned around quickly, I

> am scared for where we’ll end up

>

>

>

> Â

>

>

>

> When did teaching become so negative and self-righteous? When

> did it stop being about empowering these children through positive

affirmation and

> approaches?

>

>

>

> Â

>

>

>

> Sigh.

>

>

>

> Â

>

>

>

> =)

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> 20

>

[Guest guest]

,

I'm so sorry to hear about this. Why do some principals and teachers dig in and

not listen to new ideas? I just don't know. Maybe the best idea is to get the

official diagnosis first, and homeschool for now. I just don't have any ideas,

except maybe to find out if there's any way to know if any other children in the

school have been diagnosed with this. Then to talk to their teachers about how

they handle things. With all the privacy laws now, though, I'm not sure if

that's possible. Just an idea. Another idea-I don't have any idea of your

schedule (do you work? Do you have other kids at home?), but could you

volunteer at the school? Once you get to know teachers, they tend to not be

able to tell you no as much.

About your husband, I'll just give you one idea I've been trying that I heard on

Dr. Phil. He said that the first 2 minutes that occure after you've been away

from your spouse all day will set the tone for the entire time you're together.

When you see him, don't unload your lousy day on him, or let him unload on you.

Just smile, give him a great hug or kiss, and just let him know how much you

missed him. After those 2 minutes, you can unload on eachother, but for those

first 2 minutes just revel in being with eachother. It has seemed to help with

my husband. We both have problems, but I try to make sure he knows I'm glad

he's there.

>

>

> Sorry to hear it went so badly, .  Give it a few days and then write

up a follow up letter.  You can then outline what you mean without having them

interrupt with their comments.  And you can also deal with their comments by

using examples or citing information on AS. 

>

>

>

>

>

>  Roxanna

>

> Autism Happens

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ( ) Frustrated, deflated, and dealing with those who

" Already have all the answers " ...

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> Had my meeting with the school yesterday. I am completely

> frustrated and I failed yesterday at trying not to cry in front of the kids

> (glad I held it together in front of the teachers/principal DURING the

meeting).

>

>

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> The meeting didn’t go at all the way I’d hoped. I

> started the meeting off by saying that I wanted this to be a positive meeting,

> that it wasn’t about me against them, or them against me. That this had

> to be child focused. That was responded to with a story about asking the kids

> what their primary job was, that it was not to teach them, that it was

actually

> to “keep them safeâ€. That set the tone for the rest of the meeting,

> where it was

> clear they were focused on “my children’s behaviorâ€

> and “keeping the other children safeâ€. Sigh.

>

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> The rest of the meeting, I felt like every time I’d say

> something, they’d come back at me with a reason why what I was saying was

> irrelevant, and they needed to “Focus on the behaviors.†I told

> them I didn’t want them to IGNORE the behaviors, but rather I wanted them

> to understand and acknowledge that the YEARS of dealing with my kids,

different

> schools, different psychologists, psychiatrists, specialists of all

> kinds… that I had learned a thing or two, and could provide them with

> some ideas to save them from the headache of trying strategies that just

> aren’t going to work. I told them I wasn’t needing to be focused on

> a “label†or “DX†per say…  but that my

> children are two very bright little boys who clearly need some help… now.

> And while we can’t change anything on paper without an official

> diagnosis, certain strategies applicable to one “behavioral

> condition†(as they called it) aren’t going to work with

> Aspergers… and THAT is why we have to focus on trying different

> strategies.

>

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> I requested speech language assessment for my youngest. I

> requested that he be placed under a “developmental delay†“labelâ€,

> I guess you could call it, so that we could start an IEP for him. I requested

> FBA for

> both children. We will see what comes of all of that.

>

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> I don’t have my hopes up.

>

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> We’ve already dealt with teachers who wanted to write my

> eldest off. Who figured that he had “ODD†and therefore, was just a

> defiant brat, who needed to be “Taught a lessonâ€. And THEN, after

> all their efforts didn’t work, he was written off as the child who

“didn’t

> learn from his mistakesâ€. HA! When are they going to get a clue?

>

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> I am seriously considering pulling them both and homeschooling

> until we get a diagnosis. I emailed our premier for the province, I emailed

our

> local MHA in my riding to complain about wait times… because WITHOUT that

> diagnosis, families are expected to just suffer.

>

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> And mine is. My relationship with my husband has paid the

> ultimate price… and if we can’t get things turned around quickly, I

> am scared for where we’ll end up

>

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> When did teaching become so negative and self-righteous? When

> did it stop being about empowering these children through positive affirmation

and

> approaches?

>

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> Sigh.

>

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> =)

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> 20

>

[Guest guest]

lucky? this teacher does not think before she speaks, or if she does, she needs

help with her social skills. either case, not good for kindergarten teacher.

sorry for her unkind remark.

regards, melody

>

> Thank you Roxanna. Thankfully, today is Friday, so I can take your advice, and

take the weekend to come up with a letter. I think this is a brilliant idea…

so thank you for that.

>

>

>

> Remember me mentioning how my youngest had pulled a child out of the way to

access his kit? Well further to my questioning, I come to find out that the kit

basket was in the middle of the table, my son’s chair on one side, this

child’s chair on the other. Apparently he walked around the table, hauled her

out of the way, and got his kit, went back and sat down and started doing his

work. She said he “could’ve reached from his chairâ€. So then they roll

their eyes, because you know… his teacher AND the principal have “a shared

background in special education†and therefore know everything.

>

>

>

> Would you believe, that the kindergarten teacher looked at me and said…

“You know, if it is Aspergers, you’re lucky. I have a friend who’s son has

Aspergers, and if he was here, he’d be licking all the walls right now.â€â€¦.

WHAT kind of a statement is that?!!?!

>

>

>

> Sigh…

>

>

>

> Thanks again for the support!

>

>

>

> =)

>

>

>

> From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Roxanna

> Sent: Friday, May 22, 2009 1:23 PM

>

> Subject: Re: ( ) Frustrated, deflated, and dealing with those

who " Already have all the answers " ...

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Sorry to hear it went so badly, . Give it a few days and then write up

a follow up letter. You can then outline what you mean without having them

interrupt with their comments. And you can also deal with their comments by

using examples or citing information on AS.

>

>

>

> <http://presence.webmail.aol.com/mailsig/?sn=madideas> Roxanna

>

> Autism Happens

>

>

>

>

>

> ( ) Frustrated, deflated, and dealing with those who

" Already have all the answers " ...

>

>

>

>

>

> Had my meeting with the school yesterday. I am completely frustrated and I

failed yesterday at trying not to cry in front of the kids (glad I held it

together in front of the teachers/principal DURING the meeting).

>

>

>

> The meeting didn’t go at all the way I’d hoped. I started the meeting off

by saying that I wanted this to be a positive meeting, that it wasn’t about me

against them, or them against me. That this had to be child focused. That was

responded to with a story about asking the kids what their primary job was, that

it was not to teach them, that it was actually to “keep them safeâ€. That set

the tone for the rest of the meeting, where it was clear they were focused on

“my children’s behavior†and “keeping the other children safeâ€. Sigh.

>

>

>

> The rest of the meeting, I felt like every time I’d say something, they’d

come back at me with a reason why what I was saying was irrelevant, and they

needed to “Focus on the behaviors.†I20told them I didn’t want them to

IGNORE the behaviors, but rather I wanted them to understand and acknowledge

that the YEARS of dealing with my kids, different schools, different

psychologists, psychiatrists, specialists of all kinds… that I had learned a

thing or two, and could provide them with some ideas to save them from the

headache of trying strategies that just aren’t going to work. I told them I

wasn’t needing to be focused on a “label†or “DX†per say… but that

my children are two very bright little boys who clearly need some help… now.

And while we can’t change anything on paper without an official diagnosis,

certain strategies applicable to one “behavioral condition†(as they called

it) aren’t going to work with Aspergers… and THAT is why we have to focus on

trying different strategies.

>

>

>

> I requested speech language assessment for my youngest. I requested that he be

placed under a “developmental delay†“labelâ€, I guess you could call it,

so that we could start an IEP for him. I requested FBA for both children. We

will see what comes of all of that.

>

>

>

> I don’t have my hopes up.

>

>

>

> We’ve already dealt with teachers who wanted to write my eldest off. Who

figured that he had “ODD†and therefore, was just a defiant brat, who needed

to be “Taught a lessonâ€. And THEN, after all their efforts didn’t work, he

was written off as the child who “didn’t learn from his mistakesâ€. HA!

When are they going to get a clue?

>

>

>

> I am seriously considering pulling them both and homeschooling until we get a

diagnosis. I emailed our premier for the province, I emailed our local MHA in my

riding to complain about wait times… because WITHOUT that diagnosis, families

are expected to just suffer.

>

>

>

> And mine is. My relationship with my husband has paid the ultimate price…

and if we can’t get things turned around quickly, I am scared for where

we’ll end up

>

>

>

> When did teaching become so negative and self-righteous? When did it stop

being about empowering these children through positive affirmation and

approaches?

>

>

>

> Sigh.

>

>

>

> =)

>

>

>

> _____

>

> We found the real 'Hotel California' and the 'Seinfeld' diner. What will you

find? Explore <http://www.whereitsat.com/?ncid=emlwenew00000001>

WhereItsAt.com.

>

[Guest guest]

Oh and Melody? She’s ALSO the school’s special needs teacher.

Isn’t that wonderful? LOL!!

OHHH my… what “lovely†people we often have to deal with for our

kids (by the way, that’s THICK with sarcasm lol)

=)

From:

[mailto: ] On

Behalf Of Melody

Sent: Friday, May 22, 2009 5:18 PM

Subject: ( ) Re: Frustrated, deflated, and dealing with

those who " Already have all the answers " ...

lucky? this teacher does not think before she

speaks, or if she does, she needs help with her social skills. either case, not

good for kindergarten teacher.

sorry for her unkind remark.

regards, melody

>

> Thank you Roxanna. Thankfully, today is Friday, so I can take your advice,

and take the weekend to come up with a letter. I think this is a brilliant

idea… so thank you for that.

>

>

>

> Remember me mentioning how my youngest had pulled a child out of the way

to access his kit? Well further to my questioning, I come to find out that the

kit basket was in the middle of the table, my son’s chair on one side, this

child’s chair on the other. Apparently he walked around the table, hauled her

out of the way, and got his kit, went back and sat down and started doing his

work. She said he “could’ve reached from his chairâ€Â. So then they roll

their eyes, because you know… his teacher AND the principal have “a shared

background in special education†and therefore know everything.

>

>

>

> Would you believe, that the kindergarten teacher looked at me and said…

“You know, if it is Aspergers, you’re lucky. I have a friend who’s son

has Aspergers, and if he was here, he’d be licking all the walls right now.â€Â….

WHAT kind of a statement is that?!!?!

>

>

>

> Sigh…

>

>

>

> Thanks again for the support!

>

>

>

> =)

>

>

>

> From:

[mailto: ]

On Behalf Of Roxanna

> Sent: Friday, May 22, 2009 1:23 PM

>

> Subject: Re: ( ) Frustrated, deflated, and dealing with

those who " Already have all the answers " ...

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Sorry to hear it went so badly, . Give it a few days and then write

up a follow up letter. You can then outline what you mean without having them

interrupt with their comments. And you can also deal with their comments by

using examples or citing information on AS.

>

>

>

> <http://presence.webmail.aol.com/mailsig/?sn=madideas>

Roxanna

>

> Autism Happens

>

>

>

>

>

> ( ) Frustrated, deflated, and dealing with those

who " Already have all the answers " ...

>

>

>

>

>

> Had my meeting with the school yesterday. I am completely frustrated and I

failed yesterday at trying not to cry in front of the kids (glad I held it

together in front of the teachers/principal DURING the meeting).

>

>

>

> The meeting didn’t go at all the way I’d hoped. I started the meeting

off by saying that I wanted this to be a positive meeting, that it wasn’t

about me against them, or them against me. That this had to be child focused.

That was responded to with a story about asking the kids what their primary job

was, that it was not to teach them, that it was actually to “keep them safeâ€Â.

That set the tone for the rest of the meeting, where it was clear they were

focused on “my children’s behavior†and “keeping the other children

safeâ€Â. Sigh.

>

>

>

> The rest of the meeting, I felt like every time I’d say something,

they’d come back at me with a reason why what I was saying was irrelevant,

and they needed to “Focus on the behaviors.†I20told them I didn’t want

them to IGNORE the behaviors, but rather I wanted them to understand and

acknowledge that the YEARS of dealing with my kids, different schools,

different psychologists, psychiatrists, specialists of all kinds… that I had

learned a thing or two, and could provide them with some ideas to save them

from the headache of trying strategies that just aren’t going to work. I told

them I wasn’t needing to be focused on a “label†or “DX†per say…

but that my children are two very bright little boys who clearly need some

help… now. And while we can’t change anything on paper without an official

diagnosis, certain strategies applicable to one “behavioral condition†(as

they called it) aren’t going to work with Aspergers… and THAT is why we

have to focus on trying different strategies.

>

>

>

> I requested speech language assessment for my youngest. I requested that

he be placed under a “developmental delay†“labelâ€Â, I guess you could

call it, so that we could start an IEP for him. I requested FBA for both

children. We will see what comes of all of that.

>

>

>

> I don’t have my hopes up.

>

>

>

> We’ve already dealt with teachers who wanted to write my eldest off. Who

figured that he had “ODD†and therefore, was just a defiant brat, who

needed to be “Taught a lessonâ€Â. And THEN, after all their efforts didn’t

work, he was written off as the child who “didn’t learn from his

mistakesâ€Â. HA! When are they going to get a clue?

>

>

>

> I am seriously considering pulling them both and homeschooling until we

get a diagnosis. I emailed our premier for the province, I emailed our local

MHA in my riding to complain about wait times… because WITHOUT that

diagnosis, families are expected to just suffer.

>

>

>

> And mine is. My relationship with my husband has paid the ultimate

price… and if we can’t get things turned around quickly, I am scared for

where we’ll end up

>

>

>

> When did teaching become so negative and self-righteous? When did it stop

being about empowering these children through positive affirmation and

approaches?

>

>

>

> Sigh.

>

>

>

> =)

>

>

>

> _____

>

> We found the real 'Hotel California' and the 'Seinfeld' diner. What will

you find? Explore <http://www.whereitsat.com/?ncid=emlwenew00000001>

WhereItsAt.com.

>

[Guest guest]

,

Yes...there are a lot of teachers, supervisors, principals like that ...but don't give up...there are some good one out there too! Stick to your guns....read about their rights ...have them do a FBA...yes they need to protect the other kids but they still need to protect and educate your child. Keep fighting them...it is tough I know. But we are all behind you 100%. Read 's Law....it is a great site ....buy one of their books....get an advocate...a good one willing to fight for your child

[Guest guest]

I am not a natural negotiator, but I learned only ask for 3 specific

things. Have a plan B, C so you don't feel defeated. I don't like conflict and

this is why I get so burned out. But don't look at it like that. Life is a

struggle for resources often. If you ask for something big " a full time aide "

and they say " No " then ask for in class suppport. People often will concede

something.

Husbands often don't understand and are annoyed that there is this stress in

their lives and women need support and a break.

There is all this stress around getting our kids what they need.

And all this annoyance from others. But try to look at the big picture.

You are a great Mom. You have the best intentions to help your children. The

school is hanging on to it's resources forcing parents to prove the need is

really there. You have to have the big picture

that you know what your kids need, you expect school to be difficult

and expect the husband to not understand.

You are doing great things even if only we appreciate it now.

Your kids benefit from any services at all you obtain for them.

You are developing your plan and at first it is really

stressful.

But soon you will be giving others support and advice and you will

realize you did the right things. And any social service

is hard to get.

Good luck

Pam

In , O'Brien <nicole.obrien@...> wrote:

>

> Hey Pam. thanks for the support. The phrase " this is what we get " is so

> true, and yet, so VERY VERY wrong. I HATE that we have to fight so hard just

> to get what our kids deserve. And I HATE that it affects us personally, and

> our children, and our MARRIAGE, and no one else seems to care. Sigh.

>

>

>

> =)

>

>

>

> From:

> [mailto: ] On Behalf Of susanonderko

> Sent: Friday, May 22, 2009 11:48 AM

>

> Subject: ( ) Re: Frustrated, deflated, and dealing with those

> who " Already have all the answers " ...

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> this is how it is in so many districts. I am sorry for

> you and for all of us. This is what we get. Just try and not get burned out

> sweetie. My story is similar.

>

> Pam

>

>

> >

> >

> >

> > Had my meeting with the school yesterday. I am completely frustrated and I

> > failed yesterday at trying not to cry in front of the kids (glad I held it

> > together in front of the teachers/principal DURING the meeting).

> >

> >

> >

> > The meeting didn't go at all the way I'd hoped. I started the meeting off

> by

> > saying that I wanted this to be a positive meeting, that it wasn't about

> me

> > against them, or them against me. That this had to be child focused. That

> > was responded to with a story about asking the kids what their primary job

> > was, that it was not to teach them, that it was actually to " keep them

> > safe " . That set the tone for the rest of the meeting, where it was clear

> > they were focused on " my children's behavior " and " keeping the other

> > children safe " . Sigh.

> >

> >

> >

> > The rest of the meeting, I felt like every time I'd say something, they'd

> > come back at me with a reason why what I was saying was irrelevant, and

> they

> > needed to " Focus on the behaviors. " I told them I didn't want them to

> IGNORE

> > the behaviors, but rather I wanted them to understand and acknowledge that

> > the YEARS of dealing with my kids, different schools, different

> > psychologists, psychiatrists, specialists of all kinds. that I had learned

> a

> > thing or two, and could provide them with some ideas to save them from the

> > headache of trying strategies that just aren't going to work. I told them

> I

> > wasn't needing to be focused on a " label " or " DX " per say. but that my

> > children are two very bright little boys who clearly need some help. now.

> > And while we can't change anything on paper without an official diagnosis,

> > certain strategies applicable to one " behavioral condition " (as they

> called

> > it) aren't going to work with Aspergers. and THAT is why we have to focus

> on

> > trying different strategies.

> >

> >

> >

> > I requested speech language assessment for my youngest. I requested that

> he

> > be placed under a " developmental delay " " label " , I guess you could call

> it,

> > so that we could start an IEP for him. I requested FBA for both children.

> We

> > will see what comes of all of that.

> >

> >

> >

> > I don't have my hopes up.

> >

> >

> >

> > We've already dealt with teachers who wanted to write my eldest off. Who

> > figured that he had " ODD " and therefore, was just a defiant brat, who

> needed

> > to be " Taught a lesson " . And THEN, after all their efforts didn't work, he

> > was written off as the child who " didn't learn from his mistakes " . HA!

> When

> > are they going to get a clue?

> >

> >

> >

> > I am seriously considering pulling them both and homeschooling until we

> get

> > a diagnosis. I emailed our premier for the province, I emailed our local

> MHA

> > in my riding to complain about wait times. because WITHOUT that diagnosis,

> > families are expected to just suffer.

> >

> >

> >

> > And mine is. My relationship with my husband has paid the ultimate price.

> > and if we can't get things turned around quickly, I am scared for where

> > we'll end up

> >

> >

> >

> > When did teaching become so negative and self-righteous? When did it stop

> > being about empowering these children through positive affirmation and

> > approaches?

> >

> >

> >

> > Sigh.

> >

> >

> >

> > =)

> >

>

[Guest guest]

nicole i feel where you are at, good luck sherryeFrom: O'Brien <nicole.obrien@...> Sent: Friday, May 22, 2009 12:26:19 PMSubject: RE: ( ) Re: Frustrated, deflated, and dealing with those who "Already have all the

answers"...

Hey Pam… thanks for the support. The phrase “this is what we getâ€

is so true, and yet, so VERY VERY wrong. I HATE that we have to fight so hard

just to get what our kids deserve. And I HATE that it affects us personally,

and our children, and our MARRIAGE, and no one else seems to care. Sigh. =)

From:

[mailto:AspergersSu pport@group s.com] On

Behalf Of susanonderko

Sent: Friday, May 22, 2009 11:48 AM

Subject: ( ) Re: Frustrated, deflated, and dealing with

those who "Already have all the answers"...

this is how it is in so many districts.

I am sorry for

you and for all of us. This is what we get. Just try and not get burned out

sweetie. My story is similar.

Pam

>

>

>

> Had my meeting with the school yesterday. I am completely frustrated and I

> failed yesterday at trying not to cry in front of the kids (glad I held it

> together in front of the teachers/principal DURING the meeting).

>

>

>

> The meeting didn't go at all the way I'd hoped. I started the meeting off

by

> saying that I wanted this to be a positive meeting, that it wasn't about

me

> against them, or them against me. That this had to be child focused. That

> was responded to with a story about asking the kids what their primary job

> was, that it was not to teach them, that it was actually to "keep

them

> safe". That set the tone for the rest of the meeting, where it was

clear

> they were focused on "my children's behavior" and "keeping

the other

> children safe". Sigh.

>

>

>

> The rest of the meeting, I felt like every time I'd say something, they'd

> come back at me with a reason why what I was saying was irrelevant, and

they

> needed to "Focus on the behaviors." I told them I didn't want

them to IGNORE

> the behaviors, but rather I wanted them to understand and acknowledge that

> the YEARS of dealing with my kids, different schools, different

> psychologists, psychiatrists, specialists of all kinds. that I had learned

a

> thing or two, and could provide them with some ideas to save them from the

> headache of trying strategies that just aren't going to work. I told them

I

> wasn't needing to be focused on a "label" or "DX" per

say. but that my

> children are two very bright little boys who clearly need some help. now.

> And while we can't change anything on paper without an official diagnosis,

> certain strategies applicable to one "behavioral condition" (as

they called

> it) aren't going to work with Aspergers. and THAT is why we have to focus

on

> trying different strategies.

>

>

>

> I requested speech language assessment for my youngest. I requested that

he

> be placed under a "developmental delay" "label", I

guess you could call it,

> so that we could start an IEP for him. I requested FBA for both children.

We

> will see what comes of all of that.

>

>

>

> I don't have my hopes up.

>

>

>

> We've already dealt with teachers who wanted to write my eldest off. Who

> figured that he had "ODD" and therefore, was just a defiant

brat, who needed

> to be "Taught a lesson". And THEN, after all their efforts

didn't work, he

> was written off as the child who "didn't learn from his

mistakes". HA! When

> are they going to get a clue?

>

>

>

> I am seriously considering pulling them both and homeschooling until we

get

> a diagnosis. I emailed our premier for the province, I emailed our local

MHA

> in my riding to complain about wait times. because WITHOUT that diagnosis,

> families are expected to just suffer.

>

>

>

> And mine is. My relationship with my husband has paid the ultimate price.

> and if we can't get things turned around quickly, I am scared for where

> we'll end up

>

>

>

> When did teaching become so negative and self-righteous? When did it stop

> being about empowering these children through positive affirmation and

> approaches?

>

>

>

> Sigh.

>

>

>

> =)

>

[Guest guest]

One time my ds had a sped teacher in middle school who ended up getting an award for "teacher of the year" or something like that. Anyway, she was so awful with my ds. She is the one who spent her time trying to make a list of ways to punish my ds because nothing bothered him at all. I remember even saying at the meeting we had, "You got together with other teachers just to figure out ways to punish my son? Nobody discussed ways to engage him, teach him, help him learn something better?" She spent the meeting wanting to discuss possible punishments and let me know that while he does have autism, he isn't autistic when he is doing these things (behaviors that bothered her in her class.) I said, "So he takes his autism off when he wants to annoy you?" and she said, "yes!" You could tell she hated my kid and was going to do nothing but harrass him until her dying day. I requested he get reassigned to a different sped teacher and he did. The change was almost immediate and for the better.

But when she got that award the next year or so later, I was just totally baffled as to how she qualified. lol.

Roxanna

Autism Happens

( ) Frustrated, deflated, and dealing with those

who "Already have all the answers"...

>

>

>

>

>

> Had my meeting with the school yesterday. I am completely frustrated and I

failed yesterda

y at trying not to cry in front of the kids (glad I held it

together in front of the teachers/principal DURING the meeting).

>

>

>

> The meeting didn’t go at all the way I’d hoped. I started the meeting

off by saying that I wanted this to be a positive meeting, that it wasn’t

about me against them, or them against me. That this had to be child focused.

That was responded to with a story about asking the kids what their primary job

was, that it was not to teach them, that it was actually to “keep them safeâ€Â.

That set the tone for the rest of the meeting, where it was clear they were

focused on “my children’s behavior†and “keeping the other children

safeâ€Â. Sigh.

>

>

>

> The rest of the meeting, I felt like every time I’d say something,

they’d come back at me with a reason why what I was saying was irrelevant,

and they needed to “Focus on the behaviors.†I20told them I didn’t want

them to IGNORE the behaviors, but rather I wanted them to understand and

acknowledge that the YEARS of dealing with my kids, different schools,

different psychologists, psychiatrists, specialists of all kinds… that I had

learned a thing or two, and could provide them with some ideas to save them

from the headache of trying strategies that just aren’t going to work. I told

them I wasn’t needing to be focused on a “label†or “DX†per say…

but that my children are two very bright little boys who clearly need some

help… now. And while we can’t change anything on paper without an official

diagnosis, certain strategies applicable to one “behavioral condition†(as

they called it) aren’t going to work with Aspergers… and THAT is why we

have to focus on trying different strategies.

>

>

>

> I requested speech language assessment for my youngest. I requested that

he be placed under a “developmental delay†“labelâ€Â, I guess you could

call it, so that we could start an IEP for him. I requested FBA for both

children. We will see what comes of all of that.

>

>

>

> I don’t have my hopes up.

>

>

>

> We’ve already dealt with teachers who wanted to write my eldest off. Who

figured that he had “ODD†and therefore, was just a defiant brat, who

needed to be “Taught a lessonâ€Â. And THEN, after all their efforts

didn’t

work, he was written off as the child who “didn’t learn from his

mistakesâ€Â. HA! When are they going to get a clue?

>

>

>

> I am seriously considering pulling them both and homeschooling until we

get a diagnosis. I emailed our premier for the province, I emailed our local

MHA in my riding to complain about wait times… because WITHOUT that

diagnosis, families are expected to just suffer.

>

>

>

> And mine is. My relationship with my husband has paid the ultimate

price… and if we can’t get things turned around quickly, I am scared for

where we’ll end up

>

>

>

> When did teaching become so negative and self-righteous? When did it stop

being about empowering these children through positive affirmation and

approaches?

>

>

>

> Sigh.

>

>

>

> =)

>

>

>

> _____

>

> We found the real 'Hotel California' and the 'Seinfeld' diner. What will

you find? Explore <http://www.whereitsat.com/?ncid=emlwenew00000001>

WhereItsAt.com.

>

We found the real 'Hotel California' and the 'Seinfeld' diner. What will you find? Explore WhereItsAt.com.

[Guest guest]

What kind of statement is that? I think it's just ignorance for starters. Perhaps she doesn't realize that autism is a spectrum disorder and not everyone is licking the walls. lol. But probably it was said more to let you know that your problems are not that big a deal. There are tactics used on parents and one is to minimize their concerns by talking about other kids who have worse problems. I've had this particular tactic used a lot lately in dealing with my youngest ds's school. But you just have to hold firm through these things and call their bluff as well. One person at a meeting said, "All kids this age...." and I said, "No, that is not true. I've seen the work samples of the other kids and they are not the same." Well, this shut her up for the rest of the meeting and she didn't screw with me after that. Sometimes they will just keep at it. Then you have to be direct and say something like, "I know there are kids who have more severe problems but right now, I need to talk about my child specifically...." and then go on to discuss your concerns.

As for the example where he pulled this kid out of the way - as my dh likes to say, "Shoulda, coulda, woulda...." I mean, he should have done it differently and he could have seen it differently but he didn't. This is how he saw to solve the problem. They think it's a character flaw but in

reality, it's a different view of the world. Some people in sped see things only in black and white - kids who can make better choices and kids who can't. The kids who are mentally impaired, can't. So they are forgiven. But if your IQ is above the MR line, then you can make better choices and are chosing not to do so. This really doesn't allow for the fact that people with learning disabilities often view the problem a different way entirely. I don't know how one can work with these kids and not come to realize that. But I know it's happened. lol.

Roxanna

Autism Happens

( ) Frustrated, deflated, and dealing with those who

"Already have all the answers"...

Had my meeting

with the school yesterday. I am completely frustrated and I failed yesterday at

trying not to cry in front of the kids (glad I held it together in front of the

teachers/principal DURING the meeting).

The meeting

didn’t go at all the way I’d hoped. I started the meeting off by saying that I

wanted this to be a positive meeting, that it wasn’t about me against them, or

them against me. That this had to be child focused. That was responded to with

a story about asking the kids what their primary job was, that it was not to

teach them, that it was actually to “keep them safeâ€. That set the tone for the

rest of the meeting, where it was clear they were focused on “my children’s

behavior†and “keeping the other children safeâ€. Sigh.

The rest of the

meeting, I felt like every time I’d say something, they’d come back at me=2

0with

a reason why what I was saying was irrelevant, and they needed to “Focus on the

behaviors.†I20told them I didn’t want them to IGNORE the behaviors, but rather

I wanted them to understand and acknowledge that the YEARS of dealing with my

kids, different schools, different psychologists, psychiatrists, specialists of

all kinds… that I had learned a thing or two, and could provide them with some

ideas to save them from the headache of trying strategies that just aren’t

going to work. I told them I wasn’t needing to be focused on a “label†or “DXâ€

per say… but that my children are two very bright little boys who clearly

need some help… now. And while we can’t change anything on paper without an

official diagnosis, certain strategies applicable to one “behavioral conditionâ€

(as they called it) aren’t going to work with Aspergers… and THAT is why we

have to focus on trying different strategies.

I requested

speech language assessment for my youngest. I requested that he be placed under

a “developmental delay†“labelâ€, I guess you could call it, so that we could

start an IEP for him. I requested FBA for both children. We will see what comes

of a

ll of that.

I don’t have my hopes up.

We’ve already

dealt with teachers who wanted to write my eldest off. Who figured that he had

“ODD†and therefore, was just a defiant brat, who needed to be “Taught a

lessonâ€. And THEN, after all their efforts didn’t work, he was written off as

the child who “didn’t learn from his mistakesâ€. HA! When are they going to get

a clue?

I am seriously

considering pulling them both and homeschooling until we get a diagnosis. I

emailed our premier for the province, I emailed our local MHA in my riding to

complain about wait times… because WITHOUT that diagnosis, families are

expected to just suffer.

And mine is. My

relationship with my husband has paid the ultimate price… and if we can’t get

things turned around quickly, I am scared for where we’ll end up

When did

teaching become so negative and self-righteous? When did it stop being about

empowering these children through positive affirmation and approaches?

Sigh.

=)

We found the real 'Hotel California' and the '

Seinfeld' diner.

What will you find? Explore

WhereItsAt.com.

We found the real 'Hotel California' and the 'Seinfeld' diner. What will you find? Explore WhereItsAt.com.

[Guest guest]

- You are not a failure as a mother. I spent years going to meetings with

the school district and not getting any results until I got an advocate and then

a lawyer to get past the gatekeepers in Special Ed. My advice to you is to bring

an advocate or a lawyer to the next IEP meeting. You will be amazed at the

difference it will make. And as soon as your son gets the supports that legally

he is entitled to at school, your son will feel better and more at ease and so

will everyone else in your family. Hang in there.