Guest guest Posted May 26, 2009 Report Share Posted May 26, 2009 Hi all, I need a little input. s is 10 and has up until now not really ever played over at anyone elses house. Mainly because he was never asked. Nor has he ever asked to have any friend over to our house. He has played with cousins and the kids of my friends so it is not like he doesn't have any social interaction. Well this past week he decided that a boy at the day care was his newest bff. He became obsessed about wanting to go play at his house. A couple of issues with this was of course I didn't think he had been invited, I don't know the family and the boy is only 6 or 7 years old. So I put things on hold until I could obtain the phone number of the boys parents and give them a call. As it turned out what my son was obsessed with was that he thought the boy had all the Star Wars legos and he wanted to play with them. When he found out that he doesn't have them any more he was no longer interested. Typical of my ds, its never about the person its about the things! Anyway, this whole incident has raised some questions in my mind and I need to get some input. I don't want to discourage s from trying to develope friendships but I also don't quite know how to go about this since I think I need to let the parents know about the Aspergers. Especially in the case of a child that is so much younger. Does anyone have any suggestions on how you would proceed? How much information do you provide without scaring the parents to death? Vickie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 26, 2009 Report Share Posted May 26, 2009 This is a great topic. We have the same concerns. I am going to be reading the responses. My son, 11, has no friends. He is very lonely and it breaks my heart every day and specially the weekends. We are so worry about this issue, but we really don't have family where we live. It is a lonley life for all of us. Ide From: Vickie Boehnlein <baneline1@...> Sent: Tuesday, May 26, 2009 11:29:42 AMSubject: ( ) friends and playdates Hi all, I need a little input. s is 10 and has up until now not really ever played over at anyone elses house. Mainly because he was never asked. Nor has he ever asked to have any friend over to our house. He has played with cousins and the kids of my friends so it is not like he doesn't have any social interaction. Well this past week he decided that a boy at the day care was his newest bff. He became obsessed about wanting to go play at his house. A couple of issues with this was of course I didn't think he had been invited, I don't know the family and the boy is only 6 or 7 years old. So I put things on hold until I could obtain the phone number of the boys parents and give them a call. As it turned out what my son was obsessed with was that he thought the boy had all the Star Wars legos and he wanted to play with them. When he found out that he doesn't have them any more he was no longer interested. Typical of my ds, its never about the person its about the things!Anyway, this whole incident has raised some questions in my mind and I need to get some input. I don't want to discourage s from trying to develope friendships but I also don't quite know how to go about this since I think I need to let the parents know about the Aspergers. Especially in the case of a child that is so much younger. Does anyone have any suggestions on how you would proceed? How much information do you provide without scaring the parents to death?Vickie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 26, 2009 Report Share Posted May 26, 2009 I had a boy come over...from church...my son invited him. My son is 13 1/2 and was dx with AS at the beginning of 6th grade. Anyways...this boy...I could tell right away had AS. The parents were very very nervous about letting him come over...the mom wanted him to come and told him to behave. I went over to her when the kids were not around and I told her not to worry about her son. I then went on to let her know my son was dx with Aspergers'. Oh, she seemed so relieved...she then told me her son was too! The afternoon was fine but I think my son was a little bored ...my son is used to playing with more NT's. I have not seen this boy much in church ...I think he had a good time. But they have not been together again but like I said he hasn't been in church and he goes to another school district. I think it would depend on the situation and each case might be different. Also, it depends how your child is....Most of my friends and 's friends know he has AS. His NT friends know and this helps them understand why he acts the way he does at times. One friend even tells him when he is out of the "zone" but this friend is 16 and more mature. Jan Janice Rushen "I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope" From: Vickie Boehnlein <baneline1@...>Subject: ( ) friends and playdates Date: Tuesday, May 26, 2009, 12:29 PM Hi all, I need a little input. s is 10 and has up until now not really ever played over at anyone elses house. Mainly because he was never asked. Nor has he ever asked to have any friend over to our house. He has played with cousins and the kids of my friends so it is not like he doesn't have any social interaction. Well this past week he decided that a boy at the day care was his newest bff. He became obsessed about wanting to go play at his house. A couple of issues with this was of course I didn't think he had been invited, I don't know the family and the boy is only 6 or 7 years old. So I put things on hold until I could obtain the phone number of the boys parents and give them a call. As it turned out what my son was obsessed with was that he thought the boy had all the Star Wars legos and he wanted to play with them. When he found out that he doesn't have them any more he was no longer interested. Typical of my ds, its never about the person its about the things!Anyway, this whole incident has raised some questions in my mind and I need to get some input. I don't want to discourage s from trying to develope friendships but I also don't quite know how to go about this since I think I need to let the parents know about the Aspergers. Especially in the case of a child that is so much younger. Does anyone have any suggestions on how you would proceed? How much information do you provide without scaring the parents to death?Vickie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 14, 2009 Report Share Posted June 14, 2009 If it were me, I would probably plan some short activities with the other kid first and spend some time getting to know the other kid and their family. They get to know you and your ds as well. If he finds he likes a kid, invite the kid out to the park for an afternoon or swimming or skating or something fun. You will see if your ds does well with the other kid and vice versa. I would probably do all that before letting him just go over for a playdate. I would also practice social skills for being at someone's house and being a good friend, etc. If you just want to bypass all that and go straight to a visit, I would keep the visit short until things look ok. I am not sure what I would tell the other parent. I guess it would depend on how they were acting, i.e. really friendly and chatty people or reserved and shy people. But in a nutshell, I might just say, "He has AS, which means he needs help with social skills sometimes. Usually you can just...(fill in the blank)...to get him to (whatever)" I would insert whatever is my ds's major problem when trying to play with other kids in that sentence. And then, keep the visits short for a while until you get to know everyone better. Roxanna Autism Happens ( ) friends and playdates Hi all, I need a little input. s is 10 and has up until now not really ever played over at anyone elses house. Mainly because he was never asked. Nor has he ever asked to have any friend over to our house. He has played with cousins and the kids of my friends so it is not like he doesn't have any social interaction. Well this past week he decided that a boy at the day care was his newest bff. He became obsessed about wanting to go play at his house. A couple of issues with this was of course I didn't think he had been invited, I don't know the family and the boy is only 6 or 7 years old. So I put things on hold until I could obtain the phone number of the boys parents and give them a call. As it turned out what my son was obsessed with was that he thought the boy had all the Star Wars legos and he wanted to play with them. When he found out that he doesn't have them any more he was no longer interested. Typical of my ds, its never about the person its about the things! Anyway, this whole incident has raised some questions in my mind and I need to get some input. I don't want to discourage s from trying to develope friendships but I also don't quite know how to go about this since I think I need to let the parents know about the Aspergers. Especially in the case of a child that is so much younger. Does anyone have any suggestions on how you would proceed? How much information do you provide without scaring the parents to death? Vickie Make your summer sizzle with fast and easy recipes for the grill. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 14, 2009 Report Share Posted June 14, 2009 I would kept it at your house. And let him invite anyone over. You have to keep an eye on these kidos. They need a lot of prompting on appropriate behavior. Especially if he is ridgid at times. Our therapist (an anxiety expert not AS) told me I worried to much and encouraged all kind of playdates wherever and whenever during the early years. People are forgiving when the child is 5 or 6. But by age 7 they were not. I kept the playdates going up until 4th grade at our house, and after that she could not be engaging enough on topics other than pets. Now I have her in stuctured activites during the school year we go to Sat YMCA family night, and in the summer we are at our RV campground and there are lots of structured activites thank goodness. Next year we are going to try to start a 4H club and as she gets older focus her on helping at animal shelters etc for the teen years. If you can get him in social skill class for AS kids great. If not some parents (me) like Michele Winners program to teach how others think and perceive each other. Pam > > Hi all, > > I need a little input. s is 10 and has up until now not really ever played over at anyone elses house. Mainly because he was never asked. Nor has he ever asked to have any friend over to our house. He has played with cousins and the kids of my friends so it is not like he doesn't have any social interaction. Well this past week he decided that a boy at the day care was his newest bff. He became obsessed about wanting to go play at his house. A couple of issues with this was of course I didn't think he had been invited, I don't know the family and the boy is only 6 or 7 years old. So I put things on hold until I could obtain the phone number of the boys parents and give them a call. As it turned out what my son was obsessed with was that he thought the boy had all the Star Wars legos and he wanted to play with them. When he found out that he doesn't have them any more he was no longer interested. Typical of my ds, its never about the person its about the things! > > Anyway, this whole incident has raised some questions in my mind and I need to get some input. I don't want to discourage s from trying to develope friendships but I also don't quite know how to go about this since I think I need to let the parents know about the Aspergers. Especially in the case of a child that is so much younger. Does anyone have any suggestions on how you would proceed? How much information do you provide without scaring the parents to death? > > Vickie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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