Therapy and multi-tasking: My marriage

[Guest guest]

Ah sweet therapy! I've been in therapy now for over five years.

(Earlier for childhood stuff.) We have been through three marriage

counsellors. My man says he cannot get them to understand his side,

in retrospect, this is true. This past therapist is the one that

suggested he may has Asperger's.

Him being avoidant and non-responsive, and Language was always an

issue... just today I was upstairs and asked him to send his youngest

nephew upstairs to me for a nap, and also to print out some copies of

a home flyer for our empty flyer box out front of the house (we are

selling our home). He said to me in a very impatient tone, " Well

right now?! I can't do both right now! " I always say " whoa, whoa " to

calm it down, as I get lost in what he is even proposing I am

suggesting or thinking. I said to him, " you seem upset and I don't

understand what you mean... " Sure enough he somehow thought he was to

do both simultaneously (based on what I said). " How is that even

possible!!! " I asked. He yelled back to me, " Exactly! What you are

asking me is impossible! "

We have about 10 of these a day, highly frustrating. Well, we managed

to clear it up, he sent the nephew upstairs, I read a book to him

while we both napped for over an hour. I came downstairs and my

husband proudly says, " I printed out the home flyers! " There they sat

on the table by the door. Not in the empty box out front. Mind you

probably no one drove by and needed a flyer but you get the picture.

Again, very frustrating.

The worst part is that he gets very defensive very quickly. His own

father is a really critical parent so perhaps that is it, he has

worked on his defensiveness a lot in therapy, which in short has not

helped.

My guy has been in therapy for about 3 years now, he says it does not

work and he never gets help from it. Before the asperger's

suggestion, I was seeing our marriage counsellor alone to get advice

on leaving the marriage as my guy said he did not intend to continue

with therapy, which I had deemed my only hope. I am still on medical

disability, so I'm not in a hurry to leave the marriage financially

but just not so sure what to do next. I love him but it has been very

bad, lonely and just oddly cruel at times. I know now much of this is

aspergers but it doesn't change that he reacts and treats me a

certain way. I just don't know what to do.

Thank you everyone for replying and being here for me! You are ALL so

great!

Adrienne

> >

> > I have found out my husband most likely has Asperger's. He is

> > undergoing diagnosis now. At first it was a relief but the

> treatment

> > options concern me. He's not one for therapy.

> >

> > Our marriage and relationship from day one has been so confusing

to

> > me. I often think of him as the " nicest jerk I know " . I feel

lonely

> > and hurt, counselling did not help.

> >

> > He seems so aloof with affection. He is brilliant in science and

> all

> > things related to computing (makes a very good living at it too),

> he

> > is highly recognized for these achievements. I enjoy the monetary

> > aspects of our life but miss love and passion.

> >

> > I was only his 3rd love interest at age 28. When we made love the

> > first time it felt awkward. I sort of " got used to it " but the

> truth

> > is, it is weird/awkward. He cannot seem to hold his body like

other

> > lovers have. He shakes when he does a precise movement, and in

> > general he is shaky.

> >

> > He has weird or odd things he does. He drinks with a straw from

his

> > glass at the top or rim of the glass, because the water

is " colder "

> > there.

> >

> > If he asks me what I want to drink for dinner, I will say, " I

think

> I

> > will have a glass of water. " Only he never gets me the water

> because

> > I was only " thinking " about it.

> >

> > I could go on and on. It's been exhausting.

> >

> > The worst partis awkward affection, never inititating sex and he

> > never seems to relate to how I feel.

> >

> > Is there any hope? He is 31 now. I feel so discouraged. Moving

> > forward for us has been near impossible. When we talk about

issues

> he

> > just fiddles with things. He is much like a child.

> >

> > A.

> >

>