What attracted me.

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your reply. I was actually attracted to his " shyness " in

the beginning. He was very quiet and nervous on our first date. Most

guys are with me, not to sound vain but I model and I really thought

he was just a quiet kind of sweet. His shyness was extreme however,

and I thought, " Wow this guy has it bad for me! " It was flattering.

Also, I was lonely, I had my fill of lonely Saturday nights. Being

beautiful and intelligent is lonely. When I met his parents they

seemed to thank me over and over again, for whatever I had done to

get him off his computer and into life. I felt appreciated. I felt

like I should take care of him. Plus he is SO SMART and I loved

talking biology and business with him, he seemed to know EVERYTHING!

I also had my own issues with anxiety and he can comfort me on that

issue to a degree. Other men had always reacted with, " Whats wrong

with you?! " My guy and I moved in together soon after, and I rapidly

became very, very ill with a rare liver disease. My guy took

outstanding care of me, but even in my ill health, I noticed more and

more he was odd. I would tell him about a test I had, how it made me

feel, and his eyes would be on another object in the room and he

would interject, " I've been meaning to read this book... " I thought

he was just an avoidant male on sensitive issues. But other things

happened, even though he makes a very good living, he didn't spend

time with me. He could somehow manage to be away from me for weeks

and be fine and I'd be so alone, sick in bed. My mom would just tell

me I was lucky he didn't walk out on me when I got sick. She meant

well. That was 4 years ago now.

Besides having an illness than endured for 2 years, and becoming

attached in that process, I grew up around an abusive father who was

always yelling and hitting us and demanding that we " Look him in the

eyes! " Very intimidating and cruel. So when I met my husband, it was

like paradise. No crazy eye contact for sure.

The truth is in short, dysfunction attracts dysfunction. I found

someone who had issues and I over-looked them. He also has what our

therapist calls an enmeshed family, is very avoidant of any conflict.

I hope this helps,

Adriene

> I have found out my husband most likely has Asperger's.

He is

> undergoing diagnosis now. At first it was a relief but the

treatment

> options concern me. He's not one for therapy.

>

> Our marriage and relationship from day one has been so confusing to

> me. I often think of him as the " nicest jerk I know " . I feel lonely

> and hurt, counselling did not help.

>

> He seems so aloof with affection. He is brilliant in science and

all

> things related to computing (makes a very good living at it too),

he

> is highly recognized for these achievements. I enjoy the monetary

> aspects of our life but miss love and passion.

>

> I was only his 3rd love interest at age 28. When we made love the

> first time it felt awkward. I sort of " got used to it " but the

truth

> is, it is weird/awkward. He cannot seem to hold his body like other

> lovers have. He shakes when he does a precise movement, and in

> general he is shaky.

>

> He has weird or odd things he does. He drinks with a straw from his

> glass at the top or rim of the glass, because the water is " colder "

> there.

>

> If he asks me what I want to drink for dinner, I will say, " I think

I

> will have a glass of water. " Only he never gets me the water

because

> I was only " thinking " about it.

>

> I could go on and on. It's been exhausting.

>

> The worst partis awkward affection, never inititating sex and he

> never seems to relate to how I feel.

>

> Is there any hope? He is 31 now. I feel so discouraged. Moving

> forward for us has been near impossible. When we talk about issues

he

> just fiddles with things. He is much like a child.

>

> A.

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with

Search.

>

[Guest guest]

He sounds like a sweetheart even with the Asperger & very caring too. Betty Adriene <adriene@...> wrote: Thanks for your reply. I was actually attracted to his "shyness" in the beginning. He was very quiet and nervous on our first date. Most guys are with me, not to sound vain but I model and I really thought he was just a quiet kind of sweet. His shyness was extreme however, and I thought,

"Wow this guy has it bad for me!" It was flattering.Also, I was lonely, I had my fill of lonely Saturday nights. Being beautiful and intelligent is lonely. When I met his parents they seemed to thank me over and over again, for whatever I had done to get him off his computer and into life. I felt appreciated. I felt like I should take care of him. Plus he is SO SMART and I loved talking biology and business with him, he seemed to know EVERYTHING!I also had my own issues with anxiety and he can comfort me on that issue to a degree. Other men had always reacted with, "Whats wrong with you?!" My guy and I moved in together soon after, and I rapidly became very, very ill with a rare liver disease. My guy took outstanding care of me, but even in my ill health, I noticed more and more he was odd. I would tell him about a test I had, how it made me feel, and his eyes would be on another object in the room and he

would interject, "I've been meaning to read this book..." I thought he was just an avoidant male on sensitive issues. But other things happened, even though he makes a very good living, he didn't spend time with me. He could somehow manage to be away from me for weeks and be fine and I'd be so alone, sick in bed. My mom would just tell me I was lucky he didn't walk out on me when I got sick. She meant well. That was 4 years ago now. Besides having an illness than endured for 2 years, and becoming attached in that process, I grew up around an abusive father who was always yelling and hitting us and demanding that we "Look him in the eyes!" Very intimidating and cruel. So when I met my husband, it was like paradise. No crazy eye contact for sure.The truth is in short, dysfunction attracts dysfunction. I found someone who had issues and I over-looked them. He also has what our therapist calls an enmeshed

family, is very avoidant of any conflict. I hope this helps,Adriene> I have found out my husband most likely has Asperger's. He is > undergoing diagnosis now. At first it was a relief but the treatment > options concern me. He's not one for therapy.> > Our marriage and relationship from day one has been so confusing to > me. I often think of him as the "nicest jerk I know". I feel lonely > and hurt, counselling did not help.> > He seems so aloof with affection. He is brilliant in science and all > things related to computing (makes a very good living at it too), he > is highly recognized for these

achievements. I enjoy the monetary > aspects of our life but miss love and passion.> > I was only his 3rd love interest at age 28. When we made love the > first time it felt awkward. I sort of "got used to it" but the truth > is, it is weird/awkward. He cannot seem to hold his body like other > lovers have. He shakes when he does a precise movement, and in > general he is shaky.> > He has weird or odd things he does. He drinks with a straw from his > glass at the top or rim of the glass, because the water is "colder" > there. > > If he asks me what I want to drink for dinner, I will say, "I think I > will have a glass of water." Only he never gets me the water because > I was only "thinking" about it. > > I could go on and on. It's been exhausting. > > The worst partis awkward affection, never inititating sex and he > never

seems to relate to how I feel.> > Is there any hope? He is 31 now. I feel so discouraged. Moving > forward for us has been near impossible. When we talk about issues he > just fiddles with things. He is much like a child.> > A.> > > > > > > ---------------------------------> Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search.>Take care, Betty

Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.

[Guest guest]

GOOD point!!!asmallbizmom <asmallbizmom@...> wrote: Adriene,You are explaining my life. Except, I have Aspergers and I am the woman. So does my 8 yr. old son. I am not formally diagnosed, but I am fairly educated in the healthcare area, and with my son's issues that we have been working on for the past 2.5 yrs., my life is making sense to me for the 1st time ever and I'm 40. I am utterly affectionate most times, but I am also soft bipolar, so I can fly off the handle fairly often.

Bipolar for me is sooo much worse than Aspergers! My husband is "NT", for the most part, but the 1st 20 yrs. of our marriage has been difficult much of the time because he was raised to be chauvanistic (sp) and that is hard to get used to. There were so many yrs. where our marriage survived purely because of sexual attraction.We are good friends now because with age, and with realizing that our kid needs us to be healthy, we have both tried really hard to just stop fighting. I want to make the point that AS can be different person to person and gender to gender. Since I don't feel like being politically correct right now, though I know how to pretend to be, I will go ahead and say that if NT men can aggravate the hell out of a woman, you know an Aspergers guy could!!!!! I would say, after the hell my family has been through, since hearing the word "autism", now I know that Aspergers is just a

variation of "normal". WHAT IS NORMAL!!!!!!!!!!Adriene <adrienetriad (DOT) rr.com> wrote: Thanks for your reply. I was actually attracted to his "shyness" in the beginning. He was very quiet and nervous on our first date. Most guys are with me, not to sound vain but I model and I really thought he was just a quiet kind of sweet. His shyness was extreme however, and I thought, "Wow this guy has it bad for me!" It was flattering.Also, I was lonely, I had my fill of lonely Saturday nights. Being beautiful and intelligent is lonely. When I met his parents they seemed to thank me over and over again, for whatever I had done to get him off his computer and into life. I felt appreciated. I felt like I should take care of him. Plus he is SO SMART and I loved talking biology and business

with him, he seemed to know EVERYTHING!I also had my own issues with anxiety and he can comfort me on that issue to a degree. Other men had always reacted with, "Whats wrong with you?!" My guy and I moved in together soon after, and I rapidly became very, very ill with a rare liver disease. My guy took outstanding care of me, but even in my ill health, I noticed more and more he was odd. I would tell him about a test I had, how it made me feel, and his eyes would be on another object in the room and he would interject, "I've been meaning to read this book..." I thought he was just an avoidant male on sensitive issues. But other things happened, even though he makes a very good living, he didn't spend time with me. He could somehow manage to be away from me for weeks and be fine and I'd be so alone, sick in bed. My mom would just tell me I was lucky he didn't walk out on me when I got sick. She meant well. That was

4 years ago now. Besides having an illness than endured for 2 years, and becoming attached in that process, I grew up around an abusive father who was always yelling and hitting us and demanding that we "Look him in the eyes!" Very intimidating and cruel. So when I met my husband, it was like paradise. No crazy eye contact for sure.The truth is in short, dysfunction attracts dysfunction. I found someone who had issues and I over-looked them. He also has what our therapist calls an enmeshed family, is very avoidant of any conflict. I hope this helps,Adriene> I have found out my husband most likely has Asperger's. He is > undergoing

diagnosis now. At first it was a relief but the treatment > options concern me. He's not one for therapy.> > Our marriage and relationship from day one has been so confusing to > me. I often think of him as the "nicest jerk I know". I feel lonely > and hurt, counselling did not help.> > He seems so aloof with affection. He is brilliant in science and all > things related to computing (makes a very good living at it too), he > is highly recognized for these achievements. I enjoy the monetary > aspects of our life but miss love and passion.> > I was only his 3rd love interest at age 28. When we made love the > first time it felt awkward. I sort of "got used to it" but the truth > is, it is weird/awkward. He cannot seem to hold his body like other > lovers have. He shakes when he does a precise movement, and in > general he is shaky.> >

He has weird or odd things he does. He drinks with a straw from his > glass at the top or rim of the glass, because the water is "colder" > there. > > If he asks me what I want to drink for dinner, I will say, "I think I > will have a glass of water." Only he never gets me the water because > I was only "thinking" about it. > > I could go on and on. It's been exhausting. > > The worst partis awkward affection, never inititating sex and he > never seems to relate to how I feel.> > Is there any hope? He is 31 now. I feel so discouraged. Moving > forward for us has been near impossible. When we talk about issues he > just fiddles with things. He is much like a child.> > A.> > > > > > > ---------------------------------> Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast

with Search.> Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search.

Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search.