Re: how to teach who to trust

[Guest guest]

Maybe you can write a social story and read it regularly. " When someone tells

me something it might be true but then it might not be true. " or you could make

it specific to that particular child. " When ______ says something she sometimes

makes up stories that aren't really true. Whenever she says something I need to

ask my mom or an adult before I believe it. " Or you could teach her to say, " Is

that really true or do you just wish it was true? " I have been through this

with Rayleigh a little bit except that with Rayleigh she is quick to get the

understanding of who is making stuff up and who isn't. One friend last year

kept saying things like, " Oh yeah, I lived in Texas and I went to the same dance

school you did. " This child hasn't ever been out of New Hampshire. Rayleigh

asked, " Why would she lie. " I think maybe she lies because her own life is

pretty sad and unpleasant (parents are divorced, bio mom is alcoholic who often

tells the kids she hates them) so she wishes something else was true.

Miriam

>

>

> there is a girl at my daugher, megan's school who megan has followed for

years. they were good friends in kindergarten thru 2nd grade but she no longer

likes megan. this girl is a very negative type always saying bad things about

many people, and saying things that are not true. megan listens to these things

and takes them as complete truths. even over the last 7 years, this girl has

been proven wrong time and time again, or they are just opinion based. my

problem is because the conversation is " negative " and because megan believes

her, it creates such a high level of anxiety that by the time megan comes home

and tells me her new truth, i cannot convince her otherwise without much time

and much proof. i understand this has more to do with megan than this girl. i

have explained and proven this girl wrong many times and megan eventually sees

this, but yet she goes right back to believing whatever this girl says.

>

> i wondered if any of you have advice on how i can deal with this? as this

could become more worrisome than aggravating.

>

> regards, melody

>

[Guest guest]

thanx mariam--i will try this HOWEVER, my daughter is 12 and she takes very

little direction from me---thanx to puberty.

regards, melody

> >

> >

> > there is a girl at my daugher, megan's school who megan has followed for

years. they were good friends in kindergarten thru 2nd grade but she no longer

likes megan. this girl is a very negative type always saying bad things about

many people, and saying things that are not true. megan listens to these things

and takes them as complete truths. even over the last 7 years, this girl has

been proven wrong time and time again, or they are just opinion based. my

problem is because the conversation is " negative " and because megan believes

her, it creates such a high level of anxiety that by the time megan comes home

and tells me her new truth, i cannot convince her otherwise without much time

and much proof. i understand this has more to do with megan than this girl. i

have explained and proven this girl wrong many times and megan eventually sees

this, but yet she goes right back to believing whatever this girl says.

> >

> > i wondered if any of you have advice on how i can deal with this? as this

could become more worrisome than aggravating.

> >

> > regards, melody

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My son is 12 as well but somehow he always takes direction from me. It's my 9

year old daughter who is starting to ignore me. She's been going on 15 since

she was 3. LOL. Maybe it's a girl thing. Is the teacher aware of the

situation? Maybe she will have some ideas.

Miriam

> > >

> > >

> > > there is a girl at my daugher, megan's school who megan has followed for

years. they were good friends in kindergarten thru 2nd grade but she no longer

likes megan. this girl is a very negative type always saying bad things about

many people, and saying things that are not true. megan listens to these things

and takes them as complete truths. even over the last 7 years, this girl has

been proven wrong time and time again, or they are just opinion based. my

problem is because the conversation is " negative " and because megan believes

her, it creates such a high level of anxiety that by the time megan comes home

and tells me her new truth, i cannot convince her otherwise without much time

and much proof. i understand this has more to do with megan than this girl. i

have explained and proven this girl wrong many times and megan eventually sees

this, but yet she goes right back to believing whatever this girl says.

> > >

> > > i wondered if any of you have advice on how i can deal with this? as this

could become more worrisome than aggravating.

> > >

> > > regards, melody

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Melody, you say the girl does not like your daughter right?

My daughter had a friend since kindergarten, and then a new girl

joined the pair and this new girl did not like my daughter. I tried

to teach my daughter to cope with this situation. Instead the

girl was very manipulative and said she wouldn't be in girl scouts if my

daughter was in the group. This got worse, the friend from kindergarten sensed

the manipulative girl was more available and sided with her. The friendship with

the reasonable girl was over.

My daughter was devastated at the betrayl.

Now in retropect I wish I would have isolated my daughter from this pair at

recess. I may (or maynot) have been able to have

perserved the friendship with the girl from kindergarten.

My daughter will never have the skills to cope with such

complex tween dynamics.

If there is a way to get your daughter away from this peer

in a round about way so they are not together? Not in the

same class. Doing different things at recess and lunch.

I tried to ask the school for help and it made our situation

worse.

I found it is best to keep a low profile. The more I point

out others bad behaviors the more " typical " teachers

(not therapists) will reciprocate and point out my daughter's

unsocial behaviors (tit for tat).

Be subtle not direct. Find ways to keep her safe from the vultures of society.

Reduce her perserverating on this girl with some

compelling new interests. I remember you said she liked the

kids in her social skill group.

Emphasis the positive qualities in a relative, other peer

and your talk about this in a " concrete " way. Minimize

the negative peers as uninteresting, which some kids

are drawn too.

Also it may take years to teach not to believe everything you

hear or read. This is a work in progress for us. Especially

for us negative news, warnings and information is so very

compelling for my daughter. I want to send her to live with the

Amish in PA.

Pam

>

>

> there is a girl at my daugher, megan's school who megan has followed for

years. they were good friends in kindergarten thru 2nd grade but she no longer

likes megan. this girl is a very negative type always saying bad things about

many people, and saying things that are not true. megan listens to these things

and takes them as complete truths. even over the last 7 years, this girl has

been proven wrong time and time again, or they are just opinion based. my

problem is because the conversation is " negative " and because megan believes

her, it creates such a high level of anxiety that by the time megan comes home

and tells me her new truth, i cannot convince her otherwise without much time

and much proof. i understand this has more to do with megan than this girl. i

have explained and proven this girl wrong many times and megan eventually sees

this, but yet she goes right back to believing whatever this girl says.

>

> i wondered if any of you have advice on how i can deal with this? as this

could become more worrisome than aggravating.

>

> regards, melody

>

[Guest guest]

i think it is a girl/mother thing. too much estrogen in too small of a space.

i had two sisters and when we were growing up at home, things could get very

slammy, tearful and/or shouty.

this girl will be going to the same middle school, hopefully my daugher won't be

able to find her there.

regards, melody

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > there is a girl at my daugher, megan's school who megan has followed for

years. they were good friends in kindergarten thru 2nd grade but she no longer

likes megan. this girl is a very negative type always saying bad things about

many people, and saying things that are not true. megan listens to these things

and takes them as complete truths. even over the last 7 years, this girl has

been proven wrong time and time again, or they are just opinion based. my

problem is because the conversation is " negative " and because megan believes

her, it creates such a high level of anxiety that by the time megan comes home

and tells me her new truth, i cannot convince her otherwise without much time

and much proof. i understand this has more to do with megan than this girl. i

have explained and proven this girl wrong many times and megan eventually sees

this, but yet she goes right back to believing whatever this girl says.

> > > >

> > > > i wondered if any of you have advice on how i can deal with this? as

this could become more worrisome than aggravating.

> > > >

> > > > regards, melody

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I would start asking her what she thinks. If she says, "Sally said that...." then I would say, "...and what do you think?" Don't try to convince her you are right vs her friend. Instead, teach her how to think it through. Also, you can work indirectly on this as a skill - look at all the advertising that is out there! Does your hamburger look like the one in the picture? Does this toy really fly in the air? Does the ball really bounce as high as the commercial showed it doing? You can ask tons of questions throughout the day that can cause her to evaluate what she has read or heard and decide for herself what is true. Also, if she insists that "Sally" is right about someone and you know it's wrong, I would just say something like, "Well, I know that person and I know that is not something that person would do." and leave it at that.

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

( ) how to teach who to trust

there is a girl at my daugher, megan's school who megan has followed for years. they were good friends in kindergarten thru 2nd grade but she no longer likes megan. this girl is a very negative type always saying bad things about many people, and saying things that are not true. megan listens to these things and takes them as complete truths. even over the last 7 years, this girl has been proven wrong time and time again, or they are just opinion based. my problem is because the conversation is "negative" and because megan believes her, it creates such a high level of anxiety that by the time megan comes home and tells me her new truth, i cannot convince her otherwise without much time and much proof. i understand this has more to do with megan than this girl. i have explained and proven this girl wrong many times and megan eventually sees this, but yet she goes right back to believing whatever this girl says.

i wondered if any of you have advice on how i can deal with this? as this could become more worrisome than aggravating.

regards, melody

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