will you help me decide?

June 5, 2009

My 5th grade daughter has three issues

1) social isolation,

2) learning issues (math, organization, written expression) and

3) anxiety (ocd contamination fears and anticipatory anxiety and panic in new

and novel places).

Our district helped us look for out of district schools.

We narrowed it down to two schools.

One school is for kids with anxiety (social, ocd etc, AS) and is

a very relaxed place with an emphasis on art, music, social

engagement. Nothing is rushed. There is time to talk. Everyone

on a first name basis. No power struggles over what kids wear etc.

The teachers eat lunch with the kids, there is a chef that makes their lunch and

the 8th graders get to help cook and serve,

No punishments, all talking eveything thru as a therupetic approach.

Total acceptance of differences. But my daughter's learning issues would not be

the main focus. But the school would understand her anxiety and social needs to

feel connected and not isolated.

The other place is a school for LD's. They too have social skill

classes and would pair her up with a girl but the focus is

not on social anxiety. The focus would be on the learning isues. She would learn

more skills for academics. She would learn to take notes on an alpha smart. How

to write papers using inspiration software.

She would be kept up to speed better on math.

She is currently at grade level but in truth her anxiety is the

bigger problem. She has NOT BEEN IN SCHOOL SINCE MARCH

(on home instruction) due to being highly anxious socially and the school is SO

RESISTENT TO PROVIDING AN AIDE. They would rather apparently pay for a private

school.

I quess I hate to see her have to give up on her academic

skills in favor of fitting in with a group. But maybe

it is important to feel in 6th grade accepted by a community than

excluded. And maybe this is more important than if she can

take notes on an alphasmart.

A consultant told me social life and social security was

99% more important than academics.

What do you think?

Pam

June 5, 2009

I was in a similar situation with 2 high schools for AS kids and went for the

one that focused less on academics and more on being a whole person. Both

schools offer small classes. I have no regrets.

My son is very smart and will always have that intelligence, but he really

needed help getting organized and mastering life skills. His spirit was being

crushed in the public schools and the individual attention he got was just what

he needed.

His school uses the same textbooks as the public high schools, but the teaching

style is much different. The school provides laptops for the students to take

notes. At his school, he worked with a teacher to set personal social and

academic goals. I felt comfortable asking teachers to work with my son on

personal issues and they have come through for me. His school helps kids

volunteer and find low-stress entry level jobs. My son was behind in credits and

the school set up private classes and extra assignments for him so he would be

able to graduate with his class. The extra assignments included calculus lessons

especially for my son, which he absolutely loved. My son was able to get credit

for Aikido classes at a local dojo and was encouraged to take classes at the

local community college while he was still in high school. The school had

one-on-one parent-teacher conferences. Every 6 weeks or so the school drops

classes for the week and the kids go on outings together, often using public

transportation. They did things together that I could never get my son to do

with his family. My son has thrived at this school and has become more confident

speaking up for himself. He will graduate this year and is leaving with a plan

from the school on what they would like him to try over the next 2 or 3 years to

reach his goals. Of course, his plan is different from the plan for his best

friend, who probably will never go to college (but is a gifted musician).

Most of the students were boys and the school had a small club for the girls

where they did things together with the female instructors and so could talk

about girl stuff freely.

At the other school, everyone in the class works together on the same set of

social skills and takes the same set of classes. The students have to buy their

own laptops. The only language offered is Latin and everyone has to take it. The

emphasis is on getting ready for college and getting good grades. When the

students leave the school, they leave with a diploma, but no transition plan

from the school. The school has been around for a few years, but I've heard that

although many of their students actually go on to college, only one student so

far has been able to actually get a degree.

Well, I'm obviously biased. When my son was in grade school and was praised for

being the little professor, I would have leaned towards the school with the

academics because my son was so smart. But as he got older and become more

confused about dealing with people and as the bullying got worse, I decided to

go where he had the best chance of mastering social skills and learning to stand

up for himself.

June 6, 2009

Thanks Roxanna. I hope I am not insisting on such a low dose that no good is

done. I am very concerned that because my daughter's uncle has BP that there is

an added risk that an SSRI is not a good choice. I talked it over with the MD

and she said it is not worth the added side effects of starting on a mood

stabizer which I agree does seem like going overboard. My husband especially

remembers his brothers bad side effects during the early 1970's on medications

and was tramatized I think by it. So it is so helpful to hear success stories

and encouragement from you. I truely appreciate your thoughts.

Pam

>

> Yes, one week.? He never spoke to even his grandparents before the med and

after one week on the med, he would talk to them and other people.? He was still

extremely " shy " and not big on conversation.? He still isn't.? lol.? And he's 20

yo now, no longer takes meds.?

>

> We hesitated a long time as well.? Finally, he just kept having tantrums and

meltdowns in public as well as at home.? It just became obvious we had to do

something.? After he started the meds, wow.? I wondered what we had waited for.?

I know not everyone is that lucky with meds.? We were, so we'll take what good

stuff we can find along the way, lol.? It can sometimes be tricky to find the

right med for each person.? Don't give up if prozac is not a good fit.? There

are other SSRI's that might work great.? We got lucky the first time.? But my

younger ds (hfa, 12 yo) is not so lucky.? He is on a new med this past week and

it's been awful.? It's not working at all.? I think we may have to give up on

this med and try something else.?

>