Re: Child perceived as rude by others

[Guest guest]

WOW you could be writing about my son Seriously, I JUST found

out that my son had a sub teacher tell him he needed to “clean up his

attitude” this week… because he was sketching instead of doing what

the was supposed to be doing… OH and then there’s the music

teacher, who when they were getting set up to PERFORM in front of A LOT of

parents for their spring dance concert... my son insisted that he needed to be

standing next to a certain person (because that is where he’d stood EVERY

SINGLE time they practiced!). And while I understand that the music teacher had

A LOT on her mind that night (she was running the whole show basically), when

my son approached her, fighting off tears, upset because he was “in the

wrong spot”, she looked at him and snapped “OH it doesn’t

MATTER where you’re standing!”

Um, well, I beg to differ! It matters to HIM! And if it didn’t

matter, then WHY did she insist on everyone standing in the EXACT same spot

EVERY single time, EXCEPT the actual performance?!

Anyway… I walked into the school and spoke to the

principal and my son’s teacher about the music teacher incident, and will

be doing the same with the sub teacher comment. You just have to stay on top of

it. Another idea might be to find out if there’s an ASD consultant on

your school board staff. We have one, and she’s been “fighting”

a few fires on my behalf with the school. It might help to have someone else on

your side

Keep going… I know you know this, but I also know I tend

to “panic” in the moment, and forget that we just have to KEEP on

going. You’re doing a great job!

=)

From:

[mailto: ] On

Behalf Of pattykal

Sent: Thursday, June 04, 2009 12:39 PM

Subject: ( ) Child perceived as rude by others

My 10 year old son has Asperger's. He can be

very outspoken and say things that sound very rude. The thing is that I don't

believe he means to be rude or relizes that he is sounding rude. It is just

part of his mannerism and his lack of social awareness. When I tell him that

something sounds rude, he'll seem genuinely puzzled and say he wasn't being

rude.

As he gets older this is becoming more of a problem, especially with teachers

at school. He has just recently been diagnosed with A.S.and he was diagnosed

with ADHD a couple years ago. He has a 504 Plan and the school has been good

about working with me to help him. But not every teacher (especially subs and

allied art teachers who only have him in class once a week)seem to get it that

he's not just being uncooperative or rude. And the more they push him or get

upset with him the more the situation escalates. How do I educate every single

teacher that works with my son?? I'm so sick of people looking at me like

" Yeah, sure, your kid's just rude! "

I'm also awfully afraid that my son's going to be too outspoken with the wrong

kid and get punched in the nose--especially as he gets into the higher grades

in school. Any advise? Thanks for listening. Patty

[Guest guest]

I think this can be taught. But perhaps one set of problems at a time. Last year

I worked on teaching my daughter to stay

on topic. THis was the topic for months. This year the topic

is showing gratitude to teachers and not arguing with a teacher.

For my daughter it doesn't swork to teach to many topics and then I sound

critical. If he offends a teacher make sure he is showing the teacher gratitude.

Some teachers will be forgiving when presented with a card or small gift. Some

will just be annoyed with everything he/she does. Change classes if the person

is unforgiving it will be a very painful year but you will survive. Of course I

can be soooo

calm today yesterday we got yelled at by the principal I was so upset all night.

But she doesn't understand AS.

Pam

>

> My 10 year old son has Asperger's. He can be very outspoken and say things

that sound very rude. The thing is that I don't believe he means to be rude or

relizes that he is sounding rude. It is just part of his mannerism and his lack

of social awareness. When I tell him that something sounds rude, he'll seem

genuinely puzzled and say he wasn't being rude.

>

> As he gets older this is becoming more of a problem, especially with teachers

at school. He has just recently been diagnosed with A.S.and he was diagnosed

with ADHD a couple years ago. He has a 504 Plan and the school has been good

about working with me to help him. But not every teacher (especially subs and

allied art teachers who only have him in class once a week)seem to get it that

he's not just being uncooperative or rude. And the more they push him or get

upset with him the more the situation escalates. How do I educate every single

teacher that works with my son?? I'm so sick of people looking at me like " Yeah,

sure, your kid's just rude! "

>

> I'm also awfully afraid that my son's going to be too outspoken with the wrong

kid and get punched in the nose--especially as he gets into the higher grades in

school. Any advise? Thanks for listening. Patty

>

[Guest guest]

this is good advice, pam. i always need to remind myself this, because there

are so many things to work on.

sorry to hear about you bad night. i hope in some way, the principal knows how

much pain she caused you.

regards, melody

> >

> > My 10 year old son has Asperger's. He can be very outspoken and say things

that sound very rude. The thing is that I don't believe he means to be rude or

relizes that he is sounding rude. It is just part of his mannerism and his lack

of social awareness. When I tell him that something sounds rude, he'll seem

genuinely puzzled and say he wasn't being rude.

> >

> > As he gets older this is becoming more of a problem, especially with

teachers at school. He has just recently been diagnosed with A.S.and he was

diagnosed with ADHD a couple years ago. He has a 504 Plan and the school has

been good about working with me to help him. But not every teacher (especially

subs and allied art teachers who only have him in class once a week)seem to get

it that he's not just being uncooperative or rude. And the more they push him or

get upset with him the more the situation escalates. How do I educate every

single teacher that works with my son?? I'm so sick of people looking at me like

" Yeah, sure, your kid's just rude! "

> >

> > I'm also awfully afraid that my son's going to be too outspoken with the

wrong kid and get punched in the nose--especially as he gets into the higher

grades in school. Any advise? Thanks for listening. Patty

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Melody I know this school district is like from the age before

modern medicine. I can't believe they can label anxiety as

a behavior problem. My daughter was so anxious the other day

and keep saying she had to feed her pets and the principal

yelled at her to stop and at me to hold her accountable.

I think it is good to know people are like this, so black and

white in there thinking and so limited in understanding.

I need to prepare my daughter for the world as it is not how I want

it to be.

It is so wonderful to have this group to belong to.

thanks for the note,

Pam

@...> wrote:

>

> this is good advice, pam. i always need to remind myself this, because there

are so many things to work on.

>

> sorry to hear about you bad night. i hope in some way, the principal knows how

much pain she caused you.

>

> regards, melody

>

>

>

> > >

> > > My 10 year old son has Asperger's. He can be very outspoken and say things

that sound very rude. The thing is that I don't believe he means to be rude or

relizes that he is sounding rude. It is just part of his mannerism and his lack

of social awareness. When I tell him that something sounds rude, he'll seem

genuinely puzzled and say he wasn't being rude.

> > >

> > > As he gets older this is becoming more of a problem, especially with

teachers at school. He has just recently been diagnosed with A.S.and he was

diagnosed with ADHD a couple years ago. He has a 504 Plan and the school has

been good about working with me to help him. But not every teacher (especially

subs and allied art teachers who only have him in class once a week)seem to get

it that he's not just being uncooperative or rude. And the more they push him or

get upset with him the more the situation escalates. How do I educate every

single teacher that works with my son?? I'm so sick of people looking at me like

" Yeah, sure, your kid's just rude! "

> > >

> > > I'm also awfully afraid that my son's going to be too outspoken with the

wrong kid and get punched in the nose--especially as he gets into the higher

grades in school. Any advise? Thanks for listening. Patty

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Patty,

I think it takes a two way approach. One, you have to educate others about AS and two, you have to work with your ds to learn how to talk to people in polite ways. For teachers, I would make a simple bullet point short paper about him and about AS. Hand it out at the start of the year and check back with teachers off and on. If they refuse to get it or can't, keep educating! Keep sending in information, ask to have teacher inservicing done, rent or buy a good video by an expert in AS and let them watch it, let them know about conferences in your area, etc. It can be discouraging but it's a process. Some take a lot longer to get with the program than others.

As for your ds, you should be asking for social skill classes or therapy and put together something so he can start to learn how to speak appropriately to people.

Roxanna

Autism Happens

( ) Child perceived as rude by others

My 10 year old son has Asperger's. He can be very outspoken and say things that sound very rude. The thing is that I don't believe he means to be rude or relizes that he is sounding rude. It is just part of his mannerism and his lack of social awareness. When I tell him that something sounds rude, he'll seem genuinely puzzled and say he wasn't being rude.

As he gets older this is becoming more of a problem, especially with teachers at school. He has just recently been diagnosed with A.S.and he was diagnosed with ADHD a couple years ago. He has a 504 Plan and the school has been good about working with me to help him. But not every teacher (especially subs and allied art teachers who only have him in class once a week)seem to get it that he's not just being uncooperative or rude. And the more they push him or get upset with him the more the situation escalates. How do I educate every single teacher that works with my son?? I'm so sick of people looking at me like "Yeah, sure, your kid's just rude!"

I'm also awfully afraid that my son's going to be too outspoken with the wrong kid and get punched in the nose--especially as he gets into the higher grades in school. Any advise? Thanks for listening. Patty

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