Re: An AHA Moment - Opinions???

[Guest guest]

Hi Donna, I don't write much but your email really struck me. I know that our kids struggle with the concept of empathy but it's worth a try. Try asking him to explain why he wouldn't hurt a butterfly. Are a butterfly's feelings different from a human's feelings? I ask my son alot, so, "how do you think that person felt about that?" He is working on understanding the concept. It's hard for them because it doesn't come naturally in terms of people. I think you are on the right track. Jody "Be the change you want to see in the world" Gandhi ( ) An "AHA" Moment - Opinions???

(I sent this to j's teachers/resource people at school tonight)

What do you think??

I am baffled.

How can my tender-hearted, compassionate, loving boy be such a bully

sometimes?

He would protect a butterfly with his life, yet turn around and hit

or bite or twist the arm of a person.

So I've been chewing on this all day. I think I've come up with an

idea. And if this is the case, perhaps it is a step in the right

direction to helping him.

would never ever hit or bite or kick me. Not even in a

state of utter meltdown. I don't believe he would do any of that to

his Dad or sister or for that matter to any of you.

Why?

Because WE are real to him. We have established relationships. WE

are part of his "inner circle" of real humans.

I think, perhaps, when he is aggressive towards someone, he's not

seeing them as a real person, but as an object in the way of getting

what he wants.

I know that when he was very little, he did not have any connections

with people. Things, yes...people no. He's moved on to a place where

some people are valuable, but, on the whole, I'm not sure in his mind

he understands the value of all.

He and I were talking about this today, and he kept assuring me how

he would never hurt a butterfly or an animal, not EVER. He loves

them all. I would ask him about people, and I got no response...not

really.

So how do we help him realize the value and worth of every life? How

can we help him to see that a human is way more valuable than a

butterfly?

Maybe I'm rambling, but I think there is something to all this.

Any thoughts??

Donna

[Guest guest]

Donna,

Amazing...but it sounds like you figured it out! Wow! Who would ever have thought about that....now the thing is too teach him....show him everybody is REAL.

I am not expert...but what came to my mind was thing...start by talking about butterflies and how he loves them...how they feel ...how they look...etc. etc. Then turn to people....maybe first his family....how they feel ..how they look, their voices etc etc. and then move on to other people outside the family....maybe you could work with some other people (your friends or the teacher or people at church)....you could talk about them...how they look, how they move, how they speak ...their voices and if they were okay with it ...he could touch them to feel their skin. And, then bring the butterflies back into the story...people are like butterflies....both living and breathing...both feel, both fragile, both move....etc. Maybe if you relate people to butterflies or even some other animal...maybe he would understand.

Just some thoughts.

Jan

Jan Rushen

Smile because it is contagious!!!!

From: Donna <AWEtism@...>Subject: ( ) An "AHA" Moment - Opinions??? Date: Tuesday, September 23, 2008, 9:59 PM

(I sent this to j's teachers/resource people at school tonight)What do you think??I am baffled.How can my tender-hearted, compassionate, loving boy be such a bully sometimes?He would protect a butterfly with his life, yet turn around and hit or bite or twist the arm of a person.So I've been chewing on this all day. I think I've come up with an idea. And if this is the case, perhaps it is a step in the right direction to helping him. would never ever hit or bite or kick me. Not even in a state of utter meltdown. I don't believe he would do any of that to his Dad or sister or for that matter to any of you. Why?Because WE are real to him. We have established relationships. WE are part of his "inner circle" of real humans. I think, perhaps, when he is aggressive towards someone, he's not seeing them as a real person, but as an object in the way of

getting what he wants.I know that when he was very little, he did not have any connections with people. Things, yes...people no. He's moved on to a place where some people are valuable, but, on the whole, I'm not sure in his mind he understands the value of all. He and I were talking about this today, and he kept assuring me how he would never hurt a butterfly or an animal, not EVER. He loves them all. I would ask him about people, and I got no response...not really.So how do we help him realize the value and worth of every life? How can we help him to see that a human is way more valuable than a butterfly? Maybe I'm rambling, but I think there is something to all this.Any thoughts??Donna

[Guest guest]

> I think, perhaps, when he is aggressive towards someone, he's not

> seeing them as a real person, but as an object in the way of getting

> what he wants.

When my typically gentle, unusually non-physical son who was 11yo and

had never been in a physical fight of any kind not even with his

brother suddenly became somewhat aggressive (for him) it was because

he was being severely bullied. None of the teachers noticed because

the other kids were much better at hiding their bad behavior and

picking strategic moments. In his typical AS way, he did not share

what was going on at school with anyone. I only found out because he

started getting punishments for giving other kids little kicks and

shoves and was thinking some of his angry thoughts out loud to himself

(the teachers just thought he was being weird and talking to himself).

Since this was so uncharacteristic of him, I asked him what was going

on and he immediately broke down and tearfully told me everything.

I don't have a clue whether this is what is going on with your son or

not--but maybe check it out and make sure.

Ruth