Guest guest Posted June 4, 2009 Report Share Posted June 4, 2009 My son is 13 1/2...dx with ADHD in 3rd grade and AS in the beginning of 6th. His poppy who lived with us since he was born just passed away a year ago. The stress was tremendous....a lot of it he held inside. When poppy was close to his death...my son refused to go any where with me and would not let me go and leave him with his poppy. He made himself and me prisoners of the home. Not that I wanted to go any where far or for long...but just going to the store was difficult. It was a very rough year. Your son may seem like he is handling all the stress well on the outside...but he isn't. He is taking his anger out on you and himself. He needs therapy and maybe family therapy. I don't know what state you live in ...I am in Pa and we have Provider 50 services...wrap around services thru the state office of assistance. He has a TSS and a mobile therapist and a Behavior Specialist who manages the case. They have helped us tremendously. My son is on medicine...adderal, a small dose of prozac and now 20 mg. of Geodon (for anger) and the geodon has made a world of difference. You may want to take him to a Psychiatrist and have him evaluated....during this stressful time ..he may need something to help him get thru it all. Keep me posted. Best wishes. Jan Janice Rushen "I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope" From: kimberlylowry@... <kimberlylowry@...>Subject: ( ) One more try... Date: Thursday, June 4, 2009, 9:32 AM I've posted a couple of times, but not gotten much in the way of a response...I'm thinking I've been guilty of being either overly specific or not specific enough depending on which post you've read, lol. So here's another attempt at perhaps being a bit more focused as to what's going on/what we need help with. Here's our situation...I am a single parent of one ds 12 (AS/ADHD/HG). Until this school year he was enrolled in a special program for GT/LD students at two good public schools (elementary and then one year at middle). We have had to move back to the area we were previously living and where ds had a very,very, very (I could go on but you get the idea) bad experience in the public school system. As a result we have been homeschooling this year and will continue next year as well. We moved back to help out my parents (my dad is helping out as well by being with ds on days I am at work). We have had a very tough past nearly four years as a family, first with my father hospitalized waiting for a heart and then being exteremely sick and needing multiple other dangerous surgeries after the transplant. When he first got so sick that he had to be in the hospital I began getting calls at work from my mother who was lost attempting to drive to the hospital to see my father. This is when we realized my mother was in early stages of Alzheimer's. I ended up taking what I thought would be a short leave of absence from work which turned into a two and a half year drama. Dad is doing well physically now, but mom is slipping fast even with medication. Anyway, all this to explain that my son is very close to both of his grandparents and through all the stress and drama seemed to be handling things remarkably well until about midway though last school year. He is becoming oppositional and showing signs of stress. I thought being out of school would help alleviate the problem, but it is continuing to get worse rather than better. Some of the behaviors of concern are: he has begun having meltdowns sometimes when he doesn't get what he wants, these meltdowns include screaming (I'm in constant fear that the neighbors are going to call social services he's so loud), hitting me, hitting himself, throwing things and destroying things. The things he destroys are always things he specifically knows are important to me or very hard to replace. He has begin crying a lot for seemingly no reason...he says he's having mood swings and he doesn't know why, he's begun hitting himself in the small of the back nearly continually...he says it's because his back feels weird and it's the only thing that makes it feel better. BTW most of our arguments are about food, but he also seems to bring it up just to initiate an argument...like he wants confrontation... He is not on meds and never really has been except for a period of about a year when he was much younger and had just been diagnosed with ADHD (AS was suspected at that time, but no one wanted to commit to that diagnosis...it seems like his IQ confused the issue...like many of the professionals we saw thought maybe his high IQ was behind the behaviors..is this common? I've often wondered if others have had this experience). He also has never had ongoing couseling because he never seemed to need it. He had SLT (for social skills) and OT (private and in school), but nothing else really. At this point I'm just confused and feeling unprepared for this as he seemed to be doing so well for so long. I think he and I need to see a specialist, but I'm not sure who to see or what kind of questions to ask when looking for someone to help. Any advice would be appreciated at this point. Oh also let me say thanks to the ladies who responded to my original post several weeks ago asking about if we attend church and apologize for not responding individually. I am in the process of putting together a Team America Rocketry Challenge team in addition to everything else going on so I've been filling the hours I have free in the day with that! Thanks again for any help you may have to offer.KimSent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry------------------------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 4, 2009 Report Share Posted June 4, 2009 Hi! My daughter is very similar. So sorry to hear about all the stress. > We have had a very tough past nearly four years as a family, first with my father hospitalized waiting for a heart and then being exteremely sick and needing multiple other dangerous surgeries after the transplant. When he first got so sick that he had to be in the hospital I began getting calls at work from my mother who was lost attempting to drive to the hospital to see my father. This is when we realized my mother was in early stages of Alzheimer's. I ended up taking what I thought would be a short leave of absence from work which turned into a two and a half year drama. > I know I had the same situation. These kids do best in structured settings. But it is hard to find. > He is becoming oppositional and showing signs of stress. I thought being out of school would help alleviate the problem, but it is continuing to get worse rather than better. There is such a mix with AS and OCD/anixety symptoms. It sounds like anxiety is very high. We have a script for prozac but have not started yet. Chicken mostly. Someone needs to kick me ...oh yes my kid is doing that already Our therapist keeps saying it will help take the edge off and he can't do much with her in this high anxiety state. I do think making life predictable helps. Rehearsing behaviors wanted. I can tell you Yale Child Study Center has a Parent management training on the phone from CT. I have not tried this yet. It is a behavior modification program. Sometimes I am so desperate you really want someone to help. My daughter did reduce her biting of me but it took about 3 months. Our therapist did tell her to stop it. It seemed to help to have someone else talking to her too. But she yells through the therapy session like she was getting killed. The whole therapy today was about how she waits a dog. Our therapist did manage to ask her when she would cooperate with medication and he did talk to her about her fears with it. > Some of the behaviors of concern are: he has begun having meltdowns sometimes when he doesn't get what he wants, these meltdowns include screaming (I'm in constant fear that the neighbors are going to call social services he's so loud), hitting me, hitting himself, throwing things and destroying things. The things he destroys are always things he specifically knows are important to me or very hard to replace. He has begin crying a lot for seemingly no reason...he says he's having mood swings and he doesn't know why, he's begun hitting himself in the small of the back nearly continually...he says it's because his back feels weird and it's the only thing that makes it feel better. BTW most of our arguments are about food, but he also seems to bring it up just to initiate an argument...like he wants confrontation... > Is what common? AS kids usually have high verbal and reasoning skills and lower processing speed. > He is not on meds and never really has been except for a period of about a year when he was much younger and had just been diagnosed with ADHD (AS was suspected at that time, but no one wanted to commit to that diagnosis...it seems like his IQ confused the issue...like many of the professionals we saw thought maybe his high IQ was behind the behaviors..is this common? I've often wondered if others have had this experience). He also has never had ongoing couseling because he never seemed to need it. He had SLT (for social skills) and OT (private and in school), but nothing else really. > Since you are a single Mom with a son I would look to a man therapist. He could tell him to stop hitting Mom. Our therapist does this for me. make sure you get a therapist that specializes in childhood anxiety AS OCD. These folks understand. Don't see people that are in family practices I am sure some are great but AS kids are difficult to treat. There are some AS behaviorists out there. I would focus on all this hitting etc. And reducing anxiety if you are willing with meds start very very low. He is hitting himself, a MD will give him something. Make sure they take it slow and low dose. Hope this helps alitle. We can talk some more about behaviors if you like and waht you have tried. My daughter is very similiar. Pam > At this point I'm just confused and feeling unprepared for this as he seemed to be doing so well for so long. I think he and I need to see a specialist, but I'm not sure who to see or what kind of questions to ask when looking for someone to help. Any advice would be appreciated at this point. > > Oh also let me say thanks to the ladies who responded to my original post several weeks ago asking about if we attend church and apologize for not responding individually. I am in the process of putting together a Team America Rocketry Challenge team in addition to everything else going on so I've been filling the hours I have free in the day with that! > > Thanks again for any help you may have to offer. > > Kim > Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 4, 2009 Report Share Posted June 4, 2009 I read your post. I'm still new at this AS stuff, but not new in issues of mental health. I would encourage you to take your son to a mental health professional. With the stress of things with your son's grandparents, he needs to have someone to talk to. He lashes out at you because he knows you will love him no matter what, and he has difficulty as it is to express his fears, sadness, and anger; let alone dealing with the declining health of his grandparents. If you can find someone who can teach him to cope with these emotions, medication does not have to be the answer. But if he continues to get physically violent, you need to protect yourself, your family, and him. Sometimes the only way to do that is medication. And take care of yourself! It's hard when you are a single parent, with ill parents, and a special needs child. Believe me, I understand. I'm a single parent of three special needs children, and my dad just spent the last year in and out of the hospital five seperate times. Last year, before my dad got sick, I had an emotional collapse. My middle son was in daily rages and depression, I honestly feared he would kill me and his siblings while we slept. I SOOOO did not want him on meds. But I was so scared he'd hurt us, or get taken away from me and put in a hospital himself. Now that he is on meds, things have improved drastically. Even he, at the age of seven, can tell and appreciate the fact that the meds are helping him. Anyway, do you have someone you trust (meaning not someone you also worry about like your dad) who is able to spend time with your son so you can get a break? Do you have a support system of your own? I see you homeschool, and that is great! Just remember its okay for you and your son to take breaks from each other. Before last year, I never understood that. One other thing--definately talk to the doctor about your son hitting his back. It could be a compulsive thing tied up with his anxiety, there really could be something wrong with his back or kidneys, or if he can't control it, Tourette's could be developing. I do hope something in here may have helped you. Please take care of yourself! Ginger > > I've posted a couple of times, but not gotten much in the way of a response...I'm thinking I've been guilty of being either overly specific or not specific enough depending on which post you've read, lol. So here's another attempt at perhaps being a bit more focused as to what's going on/what we need help with. > > Here's our situation...I am a single parent of one ds 12 (AS/ADHD/HG). Until this school year he was enrolled in a special program for GT/LD students at two good public schools (elementary and then one year at middle). We have had to move back to the area we were previously living and where ds had a very,very, very (I could go on but you get the idea) bad experience in the public school system. As a result we have been homeschooling this year and will continue next year as well. We moved back to help out my parents (my dad is helping out as well by being with ds on days I am at work). > > We have had a very tough past nearly four years as a family, first with my father hospitalized waiting for a heart and then being exteremely sick and needing multiple other dangerous surgeries after the transplant. When he first got so sick that he had to be in the hospital I began getting calls at work from my mother who was lost attempting to drive to the hospital to see my father. This is when we realized my mother was in early stages of Alzheimer's. I ended up taking what I thought would be a short leave of absence from work which turned into a two and a half year drama. > > Dad is doing well physically now, but mom is slipping fast even with medication. Anyway, all this to explain that my son is very close to both of his grandparents and through all the stress and drama seemed to be handling things remarkably well until about midway though last school year. > > He is becoming oppositional and showing signs of stress. I thought being out of school would help alleviate the problem, but it is continuing to get worse rather than better. > > Some of the behaviors of concern are: he has begun having meltdowns sometimes when he doesn't get what he wants, these meltdowns include screaming (I'm in constant fear that the neighbors are going to call social services he's so loud), hitting me, hitting himself, throwing things and destroying things. The things he destroys are always things he specifically knows are important to me or very hard to replace. He has begin crying a lot for seemingly no reason...he says he's having mood swings and he doesn't know why, he's begun hitting himself in the small of the back nearly continually...he says it's because his back feels weird and it's the only thing that makes it feel better. BTW most of our arguments are about food, but he also seems to bring it up just to initiate an argument...like he wants confrontation... > > He is not on meds and never really has been except for a period of about a year when he was much younger and had just been diagnosed with ADHD (AS was suspected at that time, but no one wanted to commit to that diagnosis...it seems like his IQ confused the issue...like many of the professionals we saw thought maybe his high IQ was behind the behaviors..is this common? I've often wondered if others have had this experience). He also has never had ongoing couseling because he never seemed to need it. He had SLT (for social skills) and OT (private and in school), but nothing else really. > > At this point I'm just confused and feeling unprepared for this as he seemed to be doing so well for so long. I think he and I need to see a specialist, but I'm not sure who to see or what kind of questions to ask when looking for someone to help. Any advice would be appreciated at this point. > > Oh also let me say thanks to the ladies who responded to my original post several weeks ago asking about if we attend church and apologize for not responding individually. I am in the process of putting together a Team America Rocketry Challenge team in addition to everything else going on so I've been filling the hours I have free in the day with that! > > Thanks again for any help you may have to offer. > > Kim > Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 4, 2009 Report Share Posted June 4, 2009 I was thinking along the same line, see a mental health therapist. There's a lot that's happened and then the daily stuff too I imagine. My mom has dementia and is presently in a nursing home the past year. But we lived with her before that and there were just some rough times/days dealing with the changes over time. Really, sometimes I didn't know how much everything was bothering me, would seem to just " catch up " sometimes and I'd get teary or moody, etc. So maybe your son, in addition to his " age " and hormones, etc., is feeling a bit of everything " catching up " to him too. What with your dad, your mom and just everyday " life, " could your son be somewhat bored too? is he getting out much with activities of any kind or is it more staying at home? Though he may be more of a " couch potato " like my AS son was growing up (he's 20 now) and didn't have any friends to do things with, so I know that can be difficult. My other 2 sons had more to do, activities, etc., but seemed content with TV, video games, etc. Anyway, giving him a therapist who works with youth could give him someone to talk to, vent to, etc. Also some places offer family therapy so could work with you both on things, whatever is causing your son to change his behavior. > > I read your post. I'm still new at this AS stuff, but not new in issues of mental health. I would encourage you to take your son to a mental health professional. With the stress of things with your son's grandparents, he needs to have someone to talk to. He lashes out at you because he knows you will love him no matter what, and he has difficulty as it is to express his fears, sadness, and anger; let alone dealing with the declining health of his grandparents. If you can find someone who can teach him to cope with these emotions, medication does not have to be the answer. But if he continues to Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 6, 2009 Report Share Posted June 6, 2009 Sounds like the stress of the family issues and puberty are combining to cause problems for him. Find a good doc and get some help for him. My ds is 12 yo (hfa) and I relate well to the screaming. You could try therapy if you think it will help or try meds, or both. Roxanna Autism Happens ( ) One more try... I've posted a couple of times, but not gotten much in the way of a response...I'm thinking I've been guilty of being either overly specific or not specific enough depending on which post you've read, lol. So here's another attempt at perhaps being a bit more focused as to what's going on/what we need help with. Here's our situation...I am a single parent of one ds 12 (AS/ADHD/HG). Until this school year he was enrolled in a special program for GT/LD students at two good public schools (elementary and then one year at middle). We have had to move back to the area we were previously living and where ds had a very,very, very (I could go on but you get the idea) bad experience in the public school system. As a result we have been homeschooling this year and will continue next year as well. We moved back to help out my parents (my dad is helping out as well by being with ds on days I am at work). We have had a very tough past nearly four years as a family, first with my father hospitalized waiting for a heart and then being exteremely sick and needing multiple other dangerous surgeries after the transplant. When he first got so sick that he had to be in the hospital I began getting calls at work from my mother who was lost attempting to drive to the hospital to see my father. This is when we realized my mother was in early stages of Alzheimer's. I ended up taking what I thought would be a short leave of absence from work which turned into a two and a half year drama. Dad is doing well physically now, but mom is slipping fast even with medication. Anyway, all this to explain that my son is very close to both of his grandparents and through all the stress and drama seemed to be handling things remarkably well until about midway though last school year. He is becoming oppositional and showing signs of stress. I thought being out of school would help alleviate the problem, but it is continuing to get worse rather than better. Some of the behaviors of concern are: he has begun having meltdowns sometimes when he doesn't get what he wants, these meltdowns include screaming (I'm in constant fear that the neighbors are going to call social services he's so loud), hitting me, hitting himself, throwing things and destroying things. The things he destroys are always things he specifically knows are important to me or very hard to replace. He has begin crying a lot for seemingly no reason...he says he's having mood swings and he doesn't know why, he's begun hitting himself in the small of the back nearly continually...he says it's because his back feels weird and it's the only thing that makes it feel better. BTW most of our arguments are about food, but he also seems to bring it up just to initiate an argument...like he wants confrontation... He is not on meds and never really has been except for a period of about a year when he was much younger and had just been diagnosed with ADHD (AS was suspected at that time, but no one wanted to commit to that diagnosis...it seems like his IQ confused the issue...like many of the professionals we saw thought maybe his high IQ was behind the behaviors..is this common? I've often wondered if others have had this experience). He also has never had ongoing couseling because he never seemed to need it. He had SLT (for social skills) and OT (private and in school), but nothing else really. At this point I'm just confused and feeling unprepared for this as he seemed to be doing so well for so long. I think he and I need to see a specialist, but I'm not sure who to see or what kind of questions to ask when looking for someone to help. Any advice would be appreciated at this point. Oh also let me say thanks to the ladies who responded to my original post several weeks ago asking about if we attend church and apologize for not responding individually. I am in the process of putting together a Team America Rocketry Challenge team in addition to everything else going on so I've been filling the hours I have free in the day with that! Thanks again for any help you may have to offer. Kim Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry ------------------------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 7, 2009 Report Share Posted June 7, 2009 Where are you located and how far would you be willing to travel? I'd be willing to try to dig up some specialists for you. I know of a place in Pittsburgh, PA that all they do is evaluate for AS and autism. There's got to be more places than that! ginger > > > > I've posted a couple of times, but not gotten much in the way of a response...I' m thinking I've been guilty of being either overly specific or not specific enough depending on which post you've read, lol. So here's another attempt at perhaps being a bit more focused as to what's going on/what we need help with. > > > > Here's our situation... I am a single parent of one ds 12 (AS/ADHD/HG) . Until this school year he was enrolled in a special program for GT/LD students at two good public schools (elementary and then one year at middle). We have had to move back to the area we were previously living and where ds had a very,very, very (I could go on but you get the idea) bad experience in the public school system. As a result we have been homeschooling this year and will continue next year as well. We moved back to help out my parents (my dad is helping out as well by being with ds on days I am at work). > > > > We have had a very tough past nearly four years as a family, first with my father hospitalized waiting for a heart and then being exteremely sick and needing multiple other dangerous surgeries after the transplant. When he first got so sick that he had to be in the hospital I began getting calls at work from my mother who was lost attempting to drive to the hospital to see my father. This is when we realized my mother was in early stages of Alzheimer's. I ended up taking what I thought would be a short leave of absence from work which turned into a two and a half year drama. > > > > Dad is doing well physically now, but mom is slipping fast even with medication. Anyway, all this to explain that my son is very close to both of his grandparents and through all the stress and drama seemed to be handling things remarkably well until about midway though last school year. > > > > He is becoming oppositional and showing signs of stress. I thought being out of school would help alleviate the problem, but it is continuing to get worse rather than better. > > > > Some of the behaviors of concern are: he has begun having meltdowns sometimes when he doesn't get what he wants, these meltdowns include screaming (I'm in constant fear that the neighbors are going to call social services he's so loud), hitting me, hitting himself, throwing things and destroying things. The things he destroys are always things he specifically knows are important to me or very hard to replace. He has begin crying a lot for seemingly no reason...he says he's having mood swings and he doesn't know why, he's begun hitting himself in the small of the back nearly continually. ..he says it's because his back feels weird and it's the only thing that makes it feel better. BTW most of our arguments are about food, but he also seems to bring it up just to initiate an argument...like he wants confrontation. .. > > > > He is not on meds and never really has been except for a period of about a year when he was much younger and had just been diagnosed with ADHD (AS was suspected at that time, but no one wanted to commit to that diagnosis... it seems like his IQ confused the issue...like many of the professionals we saw thought maybe his high IQ was behind the behaviors..is this common? I've often wondered if others have had this experience). He also has never had ongoing couseling because he never seemed to need it. He had SLT (for social skills) and OT (private and in school), but nothing else really. > > > > At this point I'm just confused and feeling unprepared for this as he seemed to be doing so well for so long. I think he and I need to see a specialist, but I'm not sure who to see or what kind of questions to ask when looking for someone to help. Any advice would be appreciated at this point. > > > > Oh also let me say thanks to the ladies who responded to my original post several weeks ago asking about if we attend church and apologize for not responding individually. I am in the process of putting together a Team America Rocketry Challenge team in addition to everything else going on so I've been filling the hours I have free in the day with that! > > > > Thanks again for any help you may have to offer. > > > > Kim > > Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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