Re: I'm new to this site...questions...

June 6, 2009

Hi there, and welcome: Although I'm not sure this is really a community one

strives to be part of!

Thought I'd just give you a silhouette of my AS daughter. She is almost 6 and

just finished kindergarten - and passed! *whew!*

She definitely changes obsessions, but she always has at least one thing she

focuses on. It is virtually impossible to engage her in anything other than a

current obsession - and she always ties her subject of choice into every aspect

of her day. Right now it's a boy in 3rd grade (bless his heart!) who she seeks

out and hugs and gushes over, although he clearly (to everyone but her) is

mortified whenever he sees or hears her coming. It is painful to witness. This

child is so beautiful that she shouldn't be chasing boys!!! I've been telling

her since she was tiny to tell the boys, " Step off. I'm too good for you. " I

think it backfired.

The obsession started out with volcanoes, I think, then went to damaged teeth,

then our poor cats, then bugs, plants, gardening - anything having to do with

nature, then specifically snails, then earthworms, then tortoises..... the list

goes on (btw, now we have a tortoise named Ronnie after the boy she is obsessed

with! I call him Turd though, and hopefully he will outlive the Ronnie

obsession, and he will just be known as Turd).

My daughter also dominates any and all conversations discussing her latest

obsessions or random trivia, of which she is overflowing. Perhaps she'll go on

Jeopardy one day and win millions! And she usually doesn't even wait for an

introduction to educate the victim. She will spew information as if she is the

speaker at a sold out seminar.

My child also has been spinning in tight circles since she could stand on two

feet and she NEVER gets dizzy. It's nauseating to me just to watch her!

Actually, she used to crawl in circles too. As an infant she had to have the

swing on the highest setting or had to be swaddled so tightly she couldn't move,

or had to be driven around in the car to settle down. She needs very exaggerated

movement for it to register with her. She LIKES spankings, and even asks for

them, so I'm sure you can imagine, that isn't a good way to discipline her..

There isn't much leverage when it comes to consequences. Perhaps now that she

has a yearbook with Ronnie's picture in it, I can take that away and it will hit

her where it counts!

She was addicted to the pacifier (confined to her bed if she wanted to suck on

it) until I finally took it away for good just after she turned 5. Since then,

she has chewed holes in her clothes, chewed threads out of towels, chewed the

whiskers off her toy cats, chewed the eraser off every pencil in the house,

chewed hands off of Barbie dolls, bitten her little sister and the real cats...

obviously has an oral fixation.

It is also very difficult for me to see her step on her tail, so to speak,

socially. She is forever doing something that is completely unacceptable and

off-putting to the average human being. We can explain to her a hundred times

that when someone walks away or ignores her, it means they're not interested in

what she's talking about and she should retreat, but EVERY time, she will go on

and on and continue to try to latch on to them. If they ignore her long enough

and she doesn't have someone else to accost, she will fall to the floor and

crawl in circles meowing like a cat or she will get in their faces and make some

God-awful guttural sound to get their attention on her..... good or bad.. and

it's usually not good.

I feel like I should be walking around holding a neon sign with a disclaimer

regarding her condition so someone doesn't sock her in the face because she is

so obnoxious and annoying!! I am forever trying to avert her attention and

rescue people from her ongoing banter to save her (I suppose it's more to save

myself and the victim) from embarrassment and that uncomfortable feeling of

being cornered.

As for self-care... she is only (almost)6, so she isn't really all that into

hygiene anyway, but she definitely has to be MADE to brush teeth and bathe and

change her clothes when they're dirty, etc. I have to literally stand over her

to ensure she does these things. And forget about household responsibilities. It

takes me more time to make sure she is doing what she should be doing than it

would take to clean the entire neighborhood. I do make sure she makes her bed in

the morning and every night she has to help with setting the table. Baby steps.

Her temperament is dependent on how tired or hungry or hot, or uncomfortable or

irritated she is. If anything is causing discomfort internally or externally

she is a force to be reckoned with. She pulls the 'I get no love in this family

and I am going to run away and find another one' bit more than I care to admit.

She also has said many times that she is just a 'stupid girl' when homework is a

challenge or she doesn't beat another student to answer a question. We have a

BIG problem with math concepts and handwriting. She has a very low self image,

although she seems to believe that everyone should be interested in being her

friend and listening to her go on about whichever topic she chooses. I'm sure

someday soon it will occur to her that she isn't winning people over that way -

kindergartners are so accepting - and she will end up being a lonely, depressed,

OCD, anxious girl if we don't hit home with these issues enough to make her want

to adjust a bit.

She really is very smart and absorbs information (she's interested in) like a

sponge. She spews out words and info that absolutely astounds adults and leaves

kids wondering what the he** she's talking about. In fact, her teacher told me

the other day that when they were on a walk, she had some fact about darn near

everything they passed and another student asked her, " Why do you know all this

stuff? How come you're so smart? " Her vocabulary is astounding. She knew over

100 words by 12 months of age, and knew the American sign language signs for all

of them, and then some. She said the word 'blueberry' at 10 months!!!!! She can

tell you the body parts of an ant, how a volcano erupts, what causes tooth decay

and what has to be done to fix it, darn near everything you can imaging about

snails... she can hear a song once and sing it - that reminds me.. I need to get

a piano! She remembers things from years ago that I have long forgotten... she

is really a brilliant person - but she has all these obstacles that seem to

overshadow her assets; at least to the lay-person who doesn't know her, and to

her, herself. That is the real tragedy, because she isn't able to see the

blessings and gifts God has given her because they are dimmed by her struggles.

Temperament - It's like a box of chocolates! Sometimes she is sweet and

compliant, but more often she is the most obstinate and defiant creature.

Unfortunately the bad days are more frequent than the good days. Things can

change from minute to minute. I don't think we've ever had a full day that she

has been happy and positive and helpful and nice to her sister all day long.

And she switches in the blink of an eye! She has gone from flowers and

butterflies to complete negativity and self-loathing, and my poor 3-year-old

gets the brunt of it! If everything is going her way and the planets are in the

proper alignment, she can be the most loving and compassionate child on Earth -

However, this usually isn't the case.

I'm sure someone else has answered your question regarding the acronyms, etc.

that are used on this board, but I will throw in what I know in case I'm the

first: Not positive about the ds, dd, dh, but I believe it's dear son, dear

daughter, dear husband - am I correct, y'all? Dx is the medical acronym for

diagnosis. Sx is symptoms. Tx is treatment. SPD is sensory processing disorder

(a.k.a. SID - sensory integration dysfunction). OT is occupational

therapist/therapy. SLP is speech and language pathologist/ST is speech

therapist. NT is neuro-typical. If there are any others you want to know, feel

free to ask! I have a medical background as well as a little princess with

Asperger's syndrome - and TONS of research under my belt trying to figure out

what to do to make this child's life less of a struggle.

That's what it's like to live with my AS child. I hope this gives you some

insight. Although like I read a few days ago on this board... If you've met one

child with AS, you've met one child with AS... meaning they're like snowflakes;

no two are alike! However, apparently they do have a lot of the same quirks.

Best wishes to you and your son on your journey. Ours is really just beginning

too. Thank the Lord for this board and the internet! I'd have to spend way too

much time in the library if it wasn't for the access I have to all this

knowledge and experience from other parents with AS kids!!

>

> I am new to this site and don't understand some of the initials and jargon I

am seeing. Like ds, dx, etc.. Can anyone help out?

>

> Also, my son was recently diagnosed with Asperger's. I've read a book on it,

but except for my son, I don't know what other Asperger kids are like, things

they do, self-care habits, things they focus on, temperametns, what they are

like to live with. Can parents tell me about thier kids so I can have something

to compare to? In reading through messages I have already seen some similarities

in what other parents are writing.

>

> I'm so relieved to find this website because I feel like I've been all alone

in this for years. Ever since my son was little I've had people criticizing my

parenting and acting like I must be doing things wrong based on how my child

acts (but they don't have a child with Asperger's.)

>

> My son has, from a VERY young age, fixated on one thing and that's all he

talks about, draws pictures of, focuses on. What he focuses on can last for

months or even years, but can then change to the next thing he fixates on. Do

other A.S. kids do this? I do get involved in whatever his focus is because

it's important to him and is a way for me to share in his experience of it. But

other kids and adults get bored of hearing about it and (I think) find it kind

of weird. Of course my son does not understand that. It's so painful to see

other kids reject him and not want to play with him. Boy, you hurt right along

with your child...

>

June 6, 2009

Hi and welcome,

Everything your saying about your child is very typical of Asperger's.

How old is your son? Mine is 18 and did the same thing when he was younger

with fixating on things. Sometimes for weeks or months on one thing and then

that was it, and he was into something else. And yes, he could talk constantly about a certain subject. At his age now he can still talk about certain things that interest him

and go on and on about them.

Also, hygiene can be an issue with some.

We used to have to remind my son to shower. Not so anymore.

But have to remind once in awhile about deodorant and alot about cutting his nails.

But that is a sensory issue. He doesn't like the feeling.

He's also in a program now for career/vocational rehab. and also life skills.

He is now making friends there which I am so grateful for because even

though he knows alot of people, he's never really had friends.

He's even starting to get together with them in the last month or so.

I can see he's so happy about that too.

Well, I hope all this is helpful to you. And you'll see this is a great place

for advice and info. and just to vent sometimes.

Sharon

From: pattykal <pattykal@...>Subject: ( ) I'm new to this site...questions... Date: Friday, June 5, 2009, 3:54 PM

I am new to this site and don't understand some of the initials and jargon I am seeing. Like ds, dx, etc.. Can anyone help out? Also, my son was recently diagnosed with Asperger's. I've read a book on it, but except for my son, I don't know what other Asperger kids are like, things they do, self-care habits, things they focus on, temperametns, what they are like to live with. Can parents tell me about thier kids so I can have something to compare to? In reading through messages I have already seen some similarities in what other parents are writing. I'm so relieved to find this website because I feel like I've been all alone in this for years. Ever since my son was little I've had people criticizing my parenting and acting like I must be doing things wrong based on how my child acts (but they don't have a child with Asperger's.) My son has, from a VERY young age, fixated on one thing and that's all he talks about, draws

pictures of, focuses on. What he focuses on can last for months or even years, but can then change to the next thing he fixates on. Do other A.S. kids do this? I do get involved in whatever his focus is because it's important to him and is a way for me to share in his experience of it. But other kids and adults get bored of hearing about it and (I think) find it kind of weird. Of course my son does not understand that. It's so painful to see other kids reject him and not want to play with him. Boy, you hurt right along with your child...

June 6, 2009

Andie you have an amazing wit. You made my day. I tend to be

overwhelmed by my dauhgter and have trouble stepping back and

getting the big picture. It was refreshing to read your prespective on your

daughter and I saw many of the same issues with our daughter too.

With us keeping structure and keeping the house organized are also problems I

would add to what you wrote. Wow can our 11 year old daughter start projects and

leave them all over the place. Clothes all over the place. Food. Pet supplies.

I have locks on many of the door with outside keys and when she

disorganizes too much of our house I look the doors. Then

the plan is she can help me or not but that nothing more is thrown

around the house until we get organized. I usually do this on Saturday's. And

she will find something to clean and put away.

My husband joins in on projects too. My husband too is very disorganized at

home.

Your summary was very good.

Pam

> >

> > I am new to this site and don't understand some of the initials and jargon I

am seeing. Like ds, dx, etc.. Can anyone help out?

> >

> > Also, my son was recently diagnosed with Asperger's. I've read a book on it,

but except for my son, I don't know what other Asperger kids are like, things

they do, self-care habits, things they focus on, temperametns, what they are

like to live with. Can parents tell me about thier kids so I can have something

to compare to? In reading through messages I have already seen some similarities

in what other parents are writing.

> >

> > I'm so relieved to find this website because I feel like I've been all alone

in this for years. Ever since my son was little I've had people criticizing my

parenting and acting like I must be doing things wrong based on how my child

acts (but they don't have a child with Asperger's.)

> >

> > My son has, from a VERY young age, fixated on one thing and that's all he

talks about, draws pictures of, focuses on. What he focuses on can last for

months or even years, but can then change to the next thing he fixates on. Do

other A.S. kids do this? I do get involved in whatever his focus is because

it's important to him and is a way for me to share in his experience of it. But

other kids and adults get bored of hearing about it and (I think) find it kind

of weird. Of course my son does not understand that. It's so painful to see

other kids reject him and not want to play with him. Boy, you hurt right along

with your child...

> >

>

June 6, 2009

Hi Patty, my son with Aspergers is now 20 yrs. He also would get fixated on

things and talk on & on about them. The things could be the same as other kids

(Pokemon was popular when he was younger) but he would just " go the extra mile "

so to speak and obsess about them. Or he may just want to talk on & on about

what he learned in school that day about something. I have 2 other sons, one is

24 and the other is twin to Aspie (not identical) so he's 20 too. I did work

with about NOT talking on " forever " about some things, would tell him he

talked too long about things and people would lose interest listening; and

sometimes I'd tell him " you know I'm not listening any longer, right? " to let

him know he'd been talking too long about something.

was (is) very smart with school, so I didn't have to worry about grades.

Luckily he was also well-behaved, quiet, laid-back type personality. Did have

trouble socially, no friends growing up or to hang around with as he got older,

though he would get invited with others to birthday parties, things like that,

growing up.

Abbreviations:

ds = dear son

dx = diagnosis

dd = dear daughter

dh = dear husband

LOL = laughing out loud

ROFL = rolling on floor laughing

Those come to mind as the most frequent I see. Ask about any others you see.

-

-- In , " pattykal " <pattykal@...> wrote:

>

> I am new to this site and don't understand some of the initials and jargon I

am seeing. Like ds, dx, etc.. Can anyone help out?

>

> Also, my son was recently diagnosed with Asperger's. I've read a book on it,

but except for my son, I don't know what other Asperger kids are like, things

they do, self-care habits, things they focus on, temperametns, what they are

like to live with. Can parents tell

June 6, 2009