How do I start this teacher relationship...

[Guest guest]

OK, all. I have pasted in a reply I just got to my FYI that my son is going

back to his " old " agenda since " new " one 504 coord set up is not being used by

either teachers or son. NOW, this is where I usually screw up, I think. How do

I respond to this e-mail without alienating the guy? If I just let his thought

that my son just needs to take ownership of his problems go, then the real

problems will never be worked on. Anyway, here is the e-mail (short), and I'll

add more comments after it.

" Hello Mrs. -----..I have been asking ----- to please remember to use his agenda

and from what I have seen he tells me what I want to hear but is not following

through on his promise..He did make the comment that he does not like the new

set up and prefers the old style better. At the end of the day it comes down to

----- taking ownership of the situation and doing the responsible thing which is

to take down his daily classroom objectives..He has a couple of great parents

and good teachers that keep reinforcing the importance jotting down daily

tasks..I will say he does look pretty organized in the traditional sense though,

better than most I have seen..Take care and feel free to call or email when ever

you need!! "

So, my impulse when I get an e-mail like this from a teacher, which I always do

with every teacher when I first start working with them, is to try to explain

the disabilities causing this behavior. I try to get them to understand that

there is a lot more to this behavior than meets the eye, much of it to do with

disabilities for whom strategies can be worked on. All my son's evaluations

discuss this and give recommendations for interventions too. So far, and my son

is 14, I've never really had a teacher be able to wrap their brains around this.

Instead, they think I am making excuses up for my son, am letting myself be

taken for a ride, etc. They really don't know anything about Asperger, so I

can't figure out how to talk to them.

The problems my son is actually having are generalizing (teachers don't

understand they need to repeat things or may need to re-explain when their are

slight differences), picking out the details to write down (doesn't know how to

tell what info he will need after he gets home--thinks if he remembers it NOW,

he will remember it LATER--isn't in tune with his working memory/executive

dysfunction issues), need for atypical hand-holding on account of emotional

control delays, just to name some problems that really stick out. There are

language things--people using conditional language when they need to simply tell

him " do this " --people aren't explicit enough and he takes things the wrong way,

e.g. they'll assume he figures he should do something without being told, which

he doesn't, and instead he figures since they didn't say anything that " they

don't care " and he doesn't have to do " it " . Gee, does this sound familiar LOL.

So, should I just let this e-mail go, try again--maybe keeping it shorter than I

normally would, or does someone have a different idea?

Help!

Ruth