Re: Re: How to deal with disrespect?

[Guest guest]

I stick by the old stand-by of time out. My 10 yr old will melt down if he doesn't get his way, and in time out he goes. I make him sit there for 10 min but if he gets up or continues the behavior-the time starts over. When he was younger, he would have to sit for a hour sometimes. He has definately caught on to what is going to happen and takes time out like a young man(most of the time). I even do time out in public, who cares who sees, that child needs to learn the behavior is unacceptable.

Lori

From: Miriam <callis4773@...>Subject: ( ) Re: How to deal with "disrespect"? Date: Monday, June 1, 2009, 6:52 PM

The hard thing is that they have low tolerance for frustration and little impulse control. So they may know it is wrong and still not be able to control it. With my son I try to be calm and just repeat every single time. "I don't like being spoken to that way." or "When you talk to me like that it hurts my feelings." You might need to be specific about exactly what behavior you mean because they might not get it.For a while when my son was about 4 years old he saw a tv show Ed EDD and Eddy. On this show the characters always say, "Yeah, right" in a sarcastic way. So started saying, "Yeah, Right" any time I said ANYTHING. I asked him, "Why do you say that to me?" He said, "Because I'm being 'cool'." I told him that it was a mean thing to say because it is sarcastic and what it REALLY means is that he thinks what I'm saying is stupid. really didn't understand

that he wasn't being nice. Explaining this to him stopped the behavior immediately. He didn't do it again because he didn't want to hurt my feelings. But this was not at a moment when he was upset. When he's upset he can say HORRIBLE things. Not so much any more but he used to say things like, "I have to kill you now". Once on the school bus he told a girl, "You should commit suicide!" I told him, "You can think anything you like in your head but you need to SAY something nicer like, "Please don't talk to me right now. I don't feel like talking to anyone." She kept telling him the same stuff over and over and he was overwhelmed by her. We always emphasize that he can think about anything he wants to but that he needs to be kinder when he actually speaks to someone. The moment I could tell he really understood this was when we were at a swimming party and someone had

pushed in the pool. said, "I have to kill her!" I told him that he could calm down and we could stop at Mcs on the way home or he could continue having a meltdown and I'd have to drag him to the car and we'd just have to go straight home. He fussed and struggled a bit more and then said, "Oh very well, I'll just kill her in my head." I said, "I'll take that." Then we went to Mcs. He has had very very few aggressive outbursts since then. He hasn't tried to hit anyone at all this year. He is getting impulse control. Time, repetition and patience are really helpful, but of course patience isn't always available. Sometimes I tell the kids, "I'm going to send you to live with my sister and she and her husband are JUST like the Dursleys in Harry Potter! LOL. Oh I have some terrible screaming banshee moments with lots of bad words thrown in and meltdowns of my own now

and then. Nobody is perfect. If I say something silly like the Dursley line it diffuses the situation and make us all laugh. I also say things like, "If I was a mean mom I'd be spanking you right now." Sorry, no offense to anyone who spanks if it works for you, that's just a line that works in my family. Sometimes I say, "I'm going to have to poke you in the eye with a sharp stick" or, "I'm gonna knock you into the middle of next week" like my parents used to say and that never fails to make us all laugh. I never could quite wrap my head around the "middle of the next week" line but my parents were absolutely serious when they said it. I always secretly laughed about it.Miriam>> Ok guys… I’m at my wits end. My youngest does NOT deal well with not having things go exactly his way. He blows up all the time. Problem is, 99% of the time, when he does, it’s angry lashing out at us, and apparent “disrespect�.> > > > He will stick his tongue out at us, he will make faces at us, if I calmly tell him that maybe he should take a few minutes, or even take him to his “quiet place� without the chit chat, he will yell “FINE� in the rudest possible voice and stomp. Often, when I try to talk to him about it after the fact, he doesn’t want to listen.> > > > This is COMPLETELY different from my eldest, who has never been QUITE so disrespectful. Certainly not with me.> > > > While I know they are reacting, I still have NO idea how to go about curbing this. I

also know that my youngest is only 5, and therefore has yet to “Grow outâ€� of any of these types of reactions… but do I just ignore that? Do I wait until he’s older and more “matureâ€�? Better able to hand the reasoning behind why he can’t do that?> > > > My eldest, being almost 9, is starting to understand the conversations when we talk about â€" despite knowing he’s not TRYING to be rude, him doing and saying certain things is going to be taken as rude by other people. And I see him making an effort to change that, even when he doesn’t understand why he should.> > > > My husbands thing is teaching our kids to always answer us with “yes momâ€� or “yes dadâ€� even if they don’t understand or agree… but I’m not sure that’s “enoughâ€�.> > >

> This tends to drive a wedge between my husband and I, which isn’t helping > > > > Any advice on how to approach this would be great. Thanks ladies… I’m at the end of my rope here > > > > =)>------------------------------------