Re: Please tell me I'm not being selfish

[Guest guest]

What about your husband trying to get closer to your son while you are gone? It would be a way to improve quality time between them. It works most of the time in our case. The dialog between them may be a way for your husband to deepen his understanding of your son's needs and for your son to learn how to control his stress.Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeedFrom: "sherylafoster" Date: Thu, 16 Apr 2009 23:09:27 -0000< >Subject: ( ) Please tell me I'm not being selfish I have been having a rough couple of months. I am the mother to 2 children with AS. A 13 year old daughter, and 8 year old son. Anyhow my 8 year old has been having tantrums like a 2 year old. Mainly over the fact that I am going to school 2 nights a week in order to finish my medical assisting training. I also started a new job, and they have me working 4pm-8pm while I am training. Working is a must, because my husband lost his job back in february, and has been unable to find anything. I know its a big adjustment to have mommy gone for a couple of hours in the evening, but the tantrums are out of control. He is throwing things, and hitting himself in the head. He has been melting down at school alot more, and they believe its because of our impending move. We are moving after school gets out about 30 minutes away from where we are now. Its a good move, and its going to be a good thing for the family. Its less money, and more room. My 13 year old AS daughter can have her own room, which she really needs. She is sharing with her 11 year old non AS sister. I know its alot of changes all at once, but what can I do to help him cope? I almost didn't go to class tonight, but that would of been giving in to his demands. What would you suggest in this situation barring quitting school or my job? Is this a phase? Will it pass? I don't want to have to put him on medication for it. Thanks for any advice in advance. Please feel free to email me at sherylfostergmail I am in so much need right now. I feel like I'm pulling my hair out:-(

[Guest guest]

A strategy I received for coping with stress for AS kids is

each day write out/or tell them a very specific plan for a trouble spot.

For at home: You write step by step what is going to happen prior

to you leaving, time you will be gone, time you come back,

what you will do when you get back. And as it occurs

have your AS child check it off with someone. If possible have

small tokens (maybe a note you write) that they can open as

a small reward.

Stress at school is complex. I don't think I can make a general

comment except that you may ask to reduce or eliminate HW if there is any so the

evening is restful.

For planning your move I would try to do the same, without overwhelming with to

many details. I quess with kids with AS they have executive function deficits

and have difficulty seeing a plan and coping with change.

Good luck with the move it sounds like a positive change.

Pam

[Guest guest]

We've had to go through quite a few major changes with my son. We always found

ways for him to see what the value of it was for him. " We have to move so daddy

can take a job in Texas. It will be a good job and we won't have to say 'no' so

much when you ask for things. Maybe we can get you something special when we

get to our new house. " We had to move 18 months ago from TX to New Hampshire.

When we moved from Baltimore to Texas was sad because his favorite

restaurant wasn't in Texas at all. Then when we moved to New Hampshire we told

him, " Hey, they have your favorite restaurant there! "

When I started working I told , maybe when I get my first paycheck I can get

you something special with some of the money. I only work VERY part time as a

substitute paraprofessional (1:1 support for disabled kids). Still it meant

some changes for like his dad getting him on the bus in the morning.

Maybe his dad can plan to do something special with him while you're out even if

it's just to watch a favorite tv show with him. Something quick, easy and not

very stressful but just for your 8 year old.

Write a social story. " When mom goes to work I can... Mom will come home after

work... " I would probably hesitate to put an exact time since I know a lot of

kids will watch the clock and be upset. Plan on doing something special with

him when you get home. Maybe read a story to him, if he likes that.

Anyway, I'm not sure if these ideas will work for you but it's a way of thinking

about the problems. Once he is more comfortable at home about you working, I

expect the school issues will lessen as well.

Miriam

>

> What about your husband trying to get closer to your son while you are gone?

It would be a way to improve quality time between them. It works most of the

time in our case. The dialog between them may be a way for your husband to

deepen his understanding of your son's needs and for your son to learn how to

control his stress.

> Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed

>

> ( ) Please tell me I'm not being selfish

>

>

> I have been having a rough couple of months. I am the mother to 2 children

with AS. A 13 year old daughter, and 8 year old son. Anyhow my 8 year old has

been having tantrums like a 2 year old. Mainly over the fact that I am going to

school 2 nights a week in order to finish my medical assisting training. I also

started a new job, and they have me working 4pm-8pm while I am training.

Working is a must, because my husband lost his job back in february, and has

been unable to find anything. I know its a big adjustment to have mommy gone

for a couple of hours in the evening, but the tantrums are out of control. He

is throwing things, and hitting himself in the head. He has been melting down

at school alot more, and they believe its because of our impending move. We are

moving after school gets out about 30 minutes away from where we are now. Its a

good move, and its going to be a good thing for the family. Its less money, and

more room. My 13 year old AS daughter can have her own room, which she really

needs. She is sharing with her 11 year old non AS sister. I know its alot of

changes all at once, but what can I do to help him cope? I almost didn't go to

class tonight, but that would of been giving in to his demands. What would you

suggest in this situation barring quitting school or my job? Is this a phase?

Will it pass? I don't want to have to put him on medication for it. Thanks for

any advice in advance. Please feel free to email me at sherylfoster@... I am

in so much need right now. I feel like I'm pulling my hair out:-(

>