Re: Finally got the IEP--question for Ruth

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2) You have to find a way for the school to see your child's problems for themselves. The test results by themselves wouldn't have gotten my son services--the school evaluators had to have evidence, school staff's own evidence, that the problems were causing dysfunction.> > It was really hard for me to stop doing all the extra things and let my son fail at school, let his teachers fail. But I think it was necessary. All of the sudden my son's problems weren't just my problems anymore. And I've never had to go back to doing all those extra things because now the school is doing what they are supposed to be doing. Or much more so; of course we all know things are never perfect! Even with just the 504 these past couple of school years, it has been tons better since I stopped filling in the gaps and instead have been pushing the school to fill in those gaps.Ruth,My son's test results also prevented him from getting an IEP this year (1st gr). The evaluators admit that he has quirks and some deficiencies, but he didn't qualify for a school dx, be we got a 504 under a couple of medical issues and were able to work in one or two small accomodations like extended time for homework or classwork, and preferred seating. God forbid they give a HFA kid anything that actually costs the school any $$. And in the last 2 weeks of school, the teacher wanted to take away one of his accomodations-a private restroom--because he made too much noise in the office one day. He jumped out of a hiding place and said "boo!" and scared another girl with autism. So for that reason they wanted to take away an accomodation that has been very helpful for him, with only 8 days of school left. How silly! I managed to argue that it needs to remain an accomodation for him, and probably for next year as well. And when discussing it with his teacher, she said, "I don't have a copy of that report [the 504 plan] so I didn't know how often that needed to be reviewed". OMG! Isn't the teacher always supposed to have a copy of the plan???? SHouldn't she know more about the plan???What kinds of extra things did you stop doing? My son is much younger, so I would still need to give lots of homework help next year, but I have personally handed in many of his assignments and notes that need to be returned to the teacher because he would just never remember to do it on his own, or lose them. At some point I will have to stop doing those sorts of things, but I'm just now starting to back off with my 5th grade DD w/ADHD. It's hard to back off!

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>

> What kinds of extra things did you stop doing? My son is much younger,

> so I would still need to give lots of homework help next year, but I

> have personally handed in many of his assignments and notes that need to

> be returned to the teacher because he would just never remember to do it

> on his own, or lose them. At some point I will have to stop doing those

> sorts of things, but I'm just now starting to back off with my 5th grade

> DD w/ADHD. It's hard to back off!

OK, I'll try not to make this too long. There were two phases. I wasn't doing

this on my own, but at the assistant principal's request. This was 7th grade.

It all started out when everybody at the school wanted to drop all of my son's

accommodations about 3 weeks into the school year. He had informal

accommodations similar to 504 accommodations, as specified by the IEP he had had

in 6th grade (he was determined not to be disabled at that time). I was

expecting this. I was going nuts, spending many hours a week, up to 4 hours a

day dealing with the various facets of my son's education. I documented this in

detail for about 3 weeks. The teachers were not doing anything extra, letting

unfinished classwork become homework. They had no problems! Everything that

required special help, I was doing at home.

Anyway, so, when dropping all his accommodations came up in the meeting, I gave

them all this data in what it was taking for my son to get the great grades he

was getting. Also, when they brought up how great his grades were and how they

felt the test scores showed he was getting what he needed, I re-iterated that

this was a functioning problem, not an academic problem. So, they stopped all

discussion of dropping all his accommodations.

But things continued to be very confused and contentious. The assistant

principal finally called me up one day--she was angry--she said Mrs. ------- how

am I supposed to see what these teachers are doing if you keep doing all these

things? I can't remember exactly how she put, something to that effect LOL.

And she went on to propose that I stop everything for a time so she could do

some observations and see what was going on. I had been wanting to do this for

some time, having heard of other parents doing it successfully, but hadn't been

able to figure out quite how to work it. So I was thrilled at her suggestion.

So, this first phase was very extreme. Just off the top of my head, not in any

particular order, I stopped the following:

- I was pretty much ordered not to talk to the teachers. If they couldn't

communicate with my son what he needed to do at home or if they could not do

whatever needed to be done for him to have the information or materials he

needed once he got home--homework didn't happen. And they had to communicate

with my son or not to find out why things didn't get done and decide what to do.

- So, if an assignment was not written down in the agenda, if it was

unintelligible, if my son couldn't tell what the assignment written down meant

for him to do, if he was missing materials--I did not worry about it. Again,

homework didn't happen.

- My son has clinical-level initiation issues, and when I couldn't get him

started on his homework with what I considered age-appropriate promptings (or if

he started having outbursts), I didn't make him do his homework.

- If I noticed completed, ungraded school work sitting in my son's binder past

the due date, I did not tell the teacher.

That is what I remember; I imagine I'm missing a few things.

So, my dear son was rather quickly flunking just about everything. He didn't

work on his own or communicate well and these teachers were insisting he didn't

need any special help and were ignoring his accommodations. Meanwhile the final

report from the children's hospital with the official dx came in. The assistant

principal fairly quickly decided to refer my son to the 504 committee and do an

observation to decide what was needed.

So, then we went through a series of 504 Plans. I knew a 504 Plan wouldn't be

enough, but I decided the school was determined to try and didn't figure

fighting it up front would get an IEP any faster. I never went back to doing

everything I was before. I gave it some thought as to what I thought was fair

to expect myself to do. Definitely not 4 hours a night! Basically, I did what

I thought a parent with a child with Asperger should have to do if they had an

IEP. I'm not sure I can say exactly what I have stopped doing at this point,

because I kind of play it by ear. I ask myself if the teacher is supposed to be

doing this and will I really help things by doing it for her? For example, my

son's language arts teacher in particular hasn't followed his accommodations

this year. Several times I saw pieces of things that looked like projects in my

son's binder or an entry in the parent access website that suggested something

should be happening--but not a thing in my son's agenda, no chunking of

assignments, no writing checklists, not any assignments at all written down. In

prior days, I would have taken the initiative to check it out, but this year I

didn't. She had to drop major grades from my son's average because she didn't

follow the 504. Not ideal from a parent's standpoint, but it got the point

across that the 504 wasn't working. It was really hard to see him miss doing

all that work!

And by the way, the school is never up front about any of this stuff. They

won't discuss anything that involves wrongdoing on their part. I've learned

that I have to communicate my concern to the right person, and my confirmation

is that some action is taken (but not discussed LOL). For example, when I would

find my son working on a long-term project for the first time the day before it

was due (he has no time sense yet), I would let the teacher know that this had

not been recorded in his agenda, chunked, etc., copied said communication to the

assistant principal, and the grade would disappear out of my son's average.

Sometimes, if there was time I guess, the teacher would have him work on it in

class past the time he was entitled to. But nobody will ever discuss these

wrongdoings at our school; if you try, they pretend they didn't hear you. This

has been true for all kinds of things at all the schools. With the teacher

bullying, I made the complaint, the special ed director said she would talk to

the principal, the behavior stopped so I know things happened. Everything is

like this. I decided this is okay since things are happening. I think I'd have

to get a lawyer and take them to court to get them to talk anyway LOL.

Ruth