Re: Son's in college but doesn't go to class

May 15, 2009

Have you asked your son why he does not want to go to his classes? Do they offer anything like him having someone with him during his classes, like a shadow? Don't know if they do this for college age. Is he nervous in class? My son is planning to go to college this fall after he graduates this month, he is 19 yrs old. I am hoping that they will allow someone to be with him because he is nervous around people he does not know. Maybe the work is hard for him. I hope you can get him to open up to you and let you know what is going on. Good luck. pj

Hi, I'm a mom who's dumbfounded as to what to do or how to help our ds. He says he wants to go to college. He chose his classes which are just 2 this quarter but then he doesn't go to class. He go sometimes to the tutor. He has the depression to deal with and also avoidance issues but .... he goes off to class supposedly and when he comes home he acts and talks like he's been in class and everything is ok. Only when I contact the instructor do we find out he has not been in class and not always meeting with the tutor. When we talk we don't get answers that hellp. We go over and over the need to be honest with us.

I just wondered if anyone was dealing with similar difficulties with a son or daughter?

We're just about to tell him to forget college. Why put himself and us too through it if he's not willing to go.

Appreciate the time to share here. Thanks

Ginny

May 16, 2009

>

> Hi, I'm a mom who's dumbfounded as to what to do or how to help our ds. He

says he wants to go to college. He chose his classes which are just 2 this

quarter but then he doesn't go to class.

Gee, I would hate to see you give up on college! My first thought is maybe you

might want to think about pulling him out of this particular college and finding

one that has supports for Asperger kids. They do exist.

My aspie is only in 8th grade so I haven't experienced this myself. But I've

been listening to college parents talk on these lists. There are colleges out

there, a few that actually have programs just for aspies, and some that just

have good disability services.

From what they say, you will need to take the time to interview the people in

the disability office at each college. So, it takes some work. But I think it

would be worth it to find a college that is a fit for your son. I will be doing

the same in a couple of years!

Ruth

May 17, 2009

It could be he is not ready for college yet. He may need a few more years before he can commit to college. Not everyone is ready to go to college after high school. He may need a few years to just work a job and think and mature before he is ready to commit.

College is not the right route for everyone. Talk to him about his job goals and see if they can be met in a career tech type setting. Or if he can get a mentor in the field he wants and go straight to work.

Talk to the disability office. See if you can figure out what the problem is with going to class. If he feels he is defeated before he starts, then he might balk at even trying. What does he need to be successful in the classes he is in?

It may be this is not the right college. Is it too large? He might do better in a smaller setting. Could he attend a junior college first and get his basics out of the way in a smaller setting?

You mentioned depression - is he taking meds for his depression? I would probably start there and get that under control, then fan out and figure out what the problem is. And enlist his help in finding solutions. Without his cooperation, you won't get anywhere. Make a plan with baby steps and work with him to get him to follow through. But make sure this is something he really wants to do. It is really hard to know what to suggest without knowing why he isn't following through...but these are some ideas.

Roxanna

Autism Happens

( ) Son's in college but doesn't go to class

Hi, I'm a mom who's dumbfounded as to what to do or how to help our ds. He says he wants to go to college. He chose his classes which are just 2 this quarter but then he doesn't go to class. He go sometimes to the tutor. He has the depression to deal with and also avoidance issues but .... he goes off to class supposedly and when he comes home he acts and talks like he's been in class and everything is ok. Only when I contact the instructor do we find out he has not been in class and not always meeting with the tutor. When we talk we don't get answers that hellp. We go over and over the need to be honest with us.

I just wondered if anyone was dealing with similar difficulties with a son or daughter?

We're just about to tell him to forget college. Why put himself and us too through it if he's not willing to go.

Appreciate the time to share here. Thanks

Ginny

We found the real 'Hotel California' and the 'Seinfeld' diner. What will you find? Explore WhereItsAt.com.

May 17, 2009

Midwestern State University (Texas) has a program specifically

for individuals with Autism/Asperger’s. Maybe you can take some ideas

from it. http://education.mwsu.edu/asp/

Tonya

From:

[mailto: ] On

Behalf Of Roxanna

Sent: Sunday, May 17, 2009 8:51 AM

Subject: Re: ( ) Son's in college but doesn't go to class

It could be he is not ready for

college yet. He may need a few more years before he can commit to

college. Not everyone is

ready to go to college after high school. He may need a few years to just

work a job and think and mature before he is ready to commit.

College is not the right route

for everyone. Talk to him about his job goals and see if they can be met

in a career tech type setting. Or if he can get a mentor in the field he

wants and go straight to work.

Talk to the disability office. See if you can figure out what the problem

is with going to class. If he feels he is defeated before he starts, then

he might balk at even trying. What does he need to be successful in the

classes he is in?

It may be this is not the right college. Is it too large? He might

do better in a smaller setting. Could he attend a junior college first

and get his basics out of the way in a smaller setting?

You mentioned depression - is he taking meds for his depression? I would

probably start there and get that under control, then fan out and figure out

what the problem is. And enlist his help in finding solutions.

Without his cooperation, you won't get anywhere. Make a plan with baby

steps and work with him to get him to follow through. But make sure this

is something he really wants to do. It is really hard to know what to

suggest without knowing why he isn't following through...but these are some

ideas.

Roxanna

Autism Happens

( ) Son's in college but doesn't go to class

Hi, I'm a mom who's dumbfounded as to what to do or how to

help our ds. He says he wants to go to college. He chose his classes which

are just 2 this quarter but then he doesn't go to class. He go sometimes to the

tutor. He has the depression to deal with and also avoidance issues but .... he

goes off to class supposedly and when he comes home he acts and talks like he's

been in class and everything is ok. Only when I contact the instructor do we

find out he has not been in class and not always meeting with the tutor. When

we talk we don't get answers that hellp. We go over and over the need to be

honest with us.

I just wondered if anyone was dealing with similar

difficulties with a son or daughter?

We're just about to tell him to forget college. Why put

himself and us too through it if he's not willing to go.

Appreciate the time to share here. Thanks

Ginny

We found the real 'Hotel California' and the 'Seinfeld' diner.

What will you find? Explore

WhereItsAt.com.

May 18, 2009

What a great program! Thanks for sharing the link.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Tonya Hettler <txua@...> Sent: Sunday, May 17, 2009 7:54:34 PMSubject: RE: ( ) Son's in college but doesn't go to class

Midwestern State University (Texas) has a program specifically for individuals with Autism/Aspergerâ€™s. Maybe you can take some ideas from it. http://education. mwsu.edu/ asp/

Tonya

From: [mailto:AspergersSu pport@group s.com] On Behalf Of RoxannaSent: Sunday, May 17, 2009 8:51 AM Subject: Re: ( ) Son's in college but doesn't go to class

It could be he is not ready for college yet. He may need a few more years before he can commit to college. Not everyone is ready to go to college after high school. He may need a few years to just work a job and think and mature before he is ready to commit.College is not the right route for everyone. Talk to him about his job goals and see if they can be met in a career tech type setting. Or if he can get a mentor in the field he wants and go straight to work. Talk to the disability office. See if you can figure out what the problem is with going to class. If he feels he is defeated before he starts, then he might balk at even trying. What does he need to be successful in the classes he is in? It may be this is not the right college. Is it too large? He might do better in a smaller setting. Could he attend a junior

college first and get his basics out of the way in a smaller setting?You mentioned depression - is he taking meds for his depression? I would probably start there and get that under control, then fan out and figure out what the problem is. And enlist his help in finding solutions. Without his cooperation, you won't get anywhere. Make a plan with baby steps and work with him to get him to follow through. But make sure this is something he really wants to do. It is really hard to know what to suggest without knowing why he isn't following through...but these are some ideas.

RoxannaAutism Happens

( ) Son's in college but doesn't go to class

Hi, I'm a mom who's dumbfounded as to what to do or how to help our ds. He says he wants to go to college. He chose his classes which are just 2 this quarter but then he doesn't go to class. He go sometimes to the tutor. He has the depression to deal with and also avoidance issues but .... he goes off to class supposedly and when he comes home he acts and talks like he's been in class and everything is ok. Only when I contact the instructor do we find out he has not been in class and not always meeting with the tutor. When we talk we don't get answers that hellp. We go over and over the need to be honest with us.

I just wondered if anyone was dealing with similar difficulties with a son or daughter?

We're just about to tell him to forget college. Why put himself and us too through it if he's not willing to go.

Appreciate the time to share here. Thanks

Ginny

We found the real 'Hotel California' and the 'Seinfeld' diner. What will you find? Explore WhereItsAt.com.

May 18, 2009

Vanderbilt University is also starting a similar program for 2010. But only for

9 students...and did you see that this one in Texas has lost their funding? Sad.

Sounded great.

There is also a program called College Living Experience

(http://www.cleinc.net/locations.aspx) that offers supports of all kinds to

special needs students.

I would like to take these ideas to our local universities and see what they

could do, it is just SUCH a horrible time to ask anyone to start something new

that costs money. All of our universities are slashing budgets, sadly.

Sue in TN

>

> Midwestern State University (Texas) has a program specifically for

> individuals with Autism/Asperger's. Maybe you can take some ideas from it.

> http://education.mwsu.edu/asp/

>

> Tonya

>

> From:

> [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Roxanna

> Sent: Sunday, May 17, 2009 8:51 AM

>

> Subject: Re: ( ) Son's in college but doesn't go to class

>

> It could be he is not ready for college yet. He may need a few more years

> before he can commit to college. Not everyone is ready to go to college

> after high school. He may need a few years to just work a job and think and

> mature before he is ready to commit.

>

> College is not the right route for everyone. Talk to him about his job

> goals and see if they can be met in a career tech type setting. Or if he

> can get a mentor in the field he wants and go straight to work.

>

> Talk to the disability office. See if you can figure out what the problem

> is with going to class. If he feels he is defeated before he starts, then

> he might balk at even trying. What does he need to be successful in the

> classes he is in?

>

> It may be this is not the right college. Is it too large? He might do

> better in a smaller setting. Could he attend a junior college first and get

> his basics out of the way in a smaller setting?

>

> You mentioned depression - is he taking meds for his depression? I would

> probably start there and get that under control, then fan out and figure out

> what the problem is. And enlist his help in finding solutions. Without his

> cooperation, you won't get anywhere. Make a plan with baby steps and work

> with him to get him to follow through. But make sure this is something he

> really wants to do. It is really hard to know what to suggest without

> knowing why he isn't following through...but these are some ideas.

>

> <http://presence.webmail.aol.com/mailsig/?sn=madideas> Roxanna

>

> Autism Happens

>

> ( ) Son's in college but doesn't go to class

>

> Hi, I'm a mom who's dumbfounded as to what to do or how to help our ds. He

> says he wants to go to college. He chose his classes which are just 2 this

> quarter but then he doesn't go to class. He go sometimes to the tutor. He

> has the depression to deal with and also avoidance issues but .... he goes

> off to class supposedly and when he comes home he acts and talks like he's

> been in class and everything is ok. Only when I contact the instructor do we

> find out he has not been in class and not always meeting with the tutor.

> When we talk we don't get answers that hellp. We go over and over the need

> to be honest with us.

>

> I just wondered if anyone was dealing with similar difficulties with a son

> or daughter?

>

> We're just about to tell him to forget college. Why put himself and us too

> through it if he's not willing to go.

>

> Appreciate the time to share here. Thanks

>

> Ginny

>

> _____

>

> We found the real 'Hotel California' and the 'Seinfeld' diner. What will you

> find? Explore <http://www.whereitsat.com/?ncid=emlwenew00000001>

> WhereItsAt.com.

>

May 18, 2009

Perhaps you should look into distance education -- programs where he enrolls and

does the work via the internet. It may be that he wants to be " in college " and

is interested in the subject, but is intimidated by the setting?

Maybe doing a distance ed class or two might give him the confidence to try an

on-site class?

There are tons of distance learning college degree programs available. I

started researching distance-ed high schools and was amazed at the opportunities

and variety available.

Diane

May 18, 2009

Do you or others on list know about any similar programs? After reading this I

am psched to approach a local private university that is trying to be somewhat

of local autism resource center. They would be a perfect fit for this...and they

most likely have more money than state universities...so, I have contacted the

person on the link, any one with more info about how they worked this please

share your info!

Thanks

SUe in TN