Feeling hopeless :(

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone.

I seldom have two seconds to post, but I read and re-read everything trying to

soak up as much information as I can. Unfortunately today I'm really, really

needing the support side of the group!

Husband doesn't get it/believe it/admit it-whatever- and I feel like I spend my

life trying to figure out what is going on with this child (will be 6 in July)

so maybe I can live in peace with her. I'm FED UP with the terrible behavior

and defiance and her being mean to her 3 y.o. sister (who is in turn picking all

these awful behaviors up). The negativity and sadness and sense of hopelessness

she spews out whenever things aren't perfectly to her liking are really wearing

me down. It seems like things are getting worse and worse, and I have no one to

lean on.

My husband thinks that taking her to appointments to try and figure out what's

WRONG with her is causing the problem in itself. I see her struggle with school

concepts. I see her drive away other kids because of her lack of social finesse

(to say the least). I see the dark circles under her eyes and the absolutely

depressed demeanor - which when experimenting (one week when that guy I married

was out of town) with removing milk from this child's diet, she was more 'with

it' and calm and happy than she'd been in a very long time - I know the spinning

and chewing and obsessing about a bug she found or some inanimate object that

overtakes her entire being for a while, are behaviors classic of the syndrome.

She is, however, really confused by numbers and math concepts in general, which

I believe is not necessarily the case regarding AS.

At times I truly wonder if I'm doing the right thing by spending so much time

trying to find someone who can give me some real, undeniable answers as to what

is going on with this kid. I honestly just want to find HELP for her (and

me!)so the struggles can be lessened throughout her school years. In my gut, I

feel that waiting and letting this go to see how it plays out would only be even

more detrimental to her. My husband actually gets into my head every now and

again and makes me wonder if I AM in fact creating more of a problem by 'drawing

attention to it'.

I am seriously at the end of my rope with my daughter most of the time, and my

husband as well. I can't take the disrespectful, defiant child anymore. The mood

swings are getting worse and worse and she seems to be going in the wrong

direction.

Any suggestions on where I may go from here - because I'm on my way to going

CRAZY. I am ready to commit myself just to get a break from it all! Perhaps if

I left for a while, and DH could see how much I really do put into the household

and the girls, and hopefully see the drastic behaviors I am usually dealing

with, he'd have more respect and realize I need a partner, not an opponent, in

all of this diagnostic hell. I seriously feel like a total failure as a mother

95% of the time. I have read every parenting book and tried every different

disciplinary technique, and things just don't work with this kid. Of course I

love her, and my heart bleeds for her just knowing the kind of struggles she is

going to face, but I haven't LIKED her or enjoyed being with her for a very long

time.... and that's so sad for all of us.