Parenting

[Guest guest]

I always view myself as a sensitive parent. The kind

that has eyes in the back of my head.......always

aware of what might be happening. Intuitive. It helps

in my role of teacher, when I am working. I often step

back and realize that my perceptions are only that and

that no one can fully understand the situation when

there are others involved. Communication and

understanding are the key. But I am slow to speak out

and verbalize what I am thinking in my mind.......a

trait I think I inherited from my father.....and I

think my son has that trait also. Our son used to say

he is the product of his genes. In understanding

OCD, the medical part, it has helped me separate what

is, from what I " might have done " . (parenting) The

fact that my husband works an 80 hr. week and then has

a week off, is stressful to our family. That can have

an effect on the OCD. It is what we do with that

stress as people, that creates positive or negative. I

am constantly looking for ways to make this easier.

One of those ways is to make an effort to have our

home run smoothly. The behavior chart that I am going

to start this summer will no doubt have a positive

impact. We are all trying to do the best we can! ;0)

Vivian in Wa. St.

_________________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Hi Cheryl,

Looks like it got to the Lyme-aid list just once as far as I can see. I

checked it out and it is a message board, for parents who are ill. Somehow

my Lyme-brain thought it was for parents who have sick kids. This is good

though. It is hard to be a good parent when we feel so miserable. My son

called yesterday and wanted to come over for a visit but I was sleeping and

my husband told him that, I feel so bad when my husband told me, he could

have come over and I could have been awakened. So, it's just as bad when our

kids no longer live with us, and for those of you lucky enough to have

grandkids too. Let's face it any chronic illness is the pits! No matter who

has it, kids or parents.

Hugs,

Marta NJ

>From: cheryl@...

>

>Hi all! this is my third try. Sorry if I've posted multiple times by

mistake. I just thought you parents out there might be interested in the

following link on parenting with an illness:

>

>http://www.insidetheweb.com/mbs.cgi/mb497123

>

>)

>Cheryl (NY)

>

>

[Guest guest]

Lesli,

I have to agree with all that's been said - I think you have to give the

button back too. It doesn't matter that it's " only a button " or who has

what disorder/symptoms fueling their desire to do whatever with it.

I have often been in the position with my daughter of having to deny her

something she wants or even feels she " needs " in an OCD driven way.

Louis spoke very well to that when he mentioned the greater

responsibility to be a parent and what the real betrayal would be (not

doing the Parent job). Thanks Louis! It is very affirming to read

those words, especially when you know that the parenting decision you

have to make will surely be disappointing to your child in the short

run.

And I think it's okay to tell your daughter that your desire that she be

happy sometimes clouds your judgment, but since you've had time to think

about it you know what the right thing to do is and now it's time to do

it. That has worked with my daughter.

Our children are fortunate to be so loved and I feel fortunate to have

friends to help me sort things out when my desire for Ava to be happy

sometimes gets in my way. I hope this feels like a friend helping,

rather than unwanted advice!

Dana in NC

[Guest guest]

I agree with Vita. As the average sized mother of a lp child and 3 average

sized children, I dont treat her as a lp, but as a child. all of my children

have been raised with the same values and morals.

As an average sized parent, I do deal with alot of questions and stares, but

I chalk that up to people not being educated enough about lps.

Before Tara was born I had never even seen an lp, let alone how to take care

of their special needs, but motherly instincts took over, and I have raised a

wonderful lp child and 3 wonderful average children, but to me I have just

raised 4 wonderful children.

To me it doesnt matter the size of the child or the parents, but just how

well they were raised.

I will never know some of the things that Tara goes through being smaller,

the questions, or the stares, but Ill be here for her none the less and

support her.

Although I might say " I understand " , because in some way we are all different.

Kathy

Mommy to Tara

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/24/00 8:58:37 AM Eastern Standard Time, rgagne@...

writes:

<< As an average-sized parent of an LP, I'm not offended, but think there's

more to parenting than size/disability. I understand what you're trying to

say here (Helen too), but in my opinion, there is no " best " sized parent to

raise an LP. Instead it takes committed, loving parents, no matter what

their size or disability.

>>

Vita:

You misunderstood what I was saying.

This is what I said:

" Nope, I wouldn't ina. Who would be more suited to take care of a child

with a physical disability than someone who has experienced life with a

physical disability like myself be it dwarfism or something else. "

With that being said I was not speaking for every person of short stature,

but for myself who like most (not all) people of short stature. I was brought

up by average sized parents who instilled in the me the values of love,

kindness, honesty, respect, courage, determination which I'm quite thankful

for and with being taught those values I can share them when I have a child

or children of my own. With myself not only being of short stature but

having been brought up by loving parents I feel that I'm fit to become a

parent.

It's not the person's status be it short statured or not that makes them a

better parent its the values they have learned. There are people out there

who are good parents and then there are people that are unfit parents which

hopefully their children will learn somehow the values from someone else.

Helen

[Guest guest]

As an average-sized parent of an LP, I'm not offended, but think there's

more to parenting than size/disability. I understand what you're trying to

say here (Helen too), but in my opinion, there is no " best " sized parent to

raise an LP. Instead it takes committed, loving parents, no matter what

their size or disability.

While I have lived with an LP for 24 years, I cannot say that I know what

it absolutely feels like to be an LP. BUT I can _understand_ most of what

our LP son goes through day-to-day, and I'm sure that's what your parents

were talking about too.

That understanding did not come all at once. Before you were able to speak

for yourself and deal with the outside world, your parents did it for you.

They dealt with the questions, stares, tough medical decisions, etc. Your

parents also knew what it meant when someone saw an LP for the first time

and what could happen as a result of that. They set up your home to

accommodate you as much as possible. To me, the most interesting part,

however, is that LP parents would have these _same_ experiences, so there

is no " best " parent for an LP child.

Keeping lines of communication open is another important factor when

raising any child, LP or average-sized. Some parents of LPs (average-sized

or LP) get very upset when their children complain about some LP things.

While I understand the parents' fears, one of the best pieces of advice to

us came from an LP adult: it is better to allow the child to complain --

and then use that opportunity to have an open dialogue about how to resolve

whatever is bugging the LP child. Everyday isn't a picnic, whether the

child is average-sized or LP.

To all you parents out there, or those thinking about becoming parents, I

wish you good luck!

Vita

At 09:53 PM 1/23/2000 +0000, you wrote:

>From: Barbara Brullo <tobubba@...>

>

>Hi all,

>

>I refrained from initially commenting on " the pill " question b/c I was quite

>taken aback by the question, considering I hadn't noticed the inquirer on

>the list before raising this question....so I held back. Aside from the fact

>that I had to collect my thoughts on the matter. I personally would NOT take

> " the pill " b/c as Helen said, who better to raise an lp child than an lp (I

>believe it was Helen who said this). I would have to agree 150%! I mean, I

>was born to average size parents and it would bug the crap out of me when

>they would tell me that they knew what I was going through....anyway....my

>husband and I would know what our child was going thru, having been there. I

>feel that life is precious, no matter what size, shape, disability...we are

>all put on this earth with a purpose....we just need to find it.

>

>I would NOT take the pill. Another thought I had is whether I'd prefer my

>child to be an lp or average size. I sit and try to imagine what life would

>be like of an average size child with two lp parents.....hmmmm....how do the

>lp parents help that child? I think the pill is just a way for some to take

>the easy way out, not wanting to deal with things....trying to live in an

>ideal world and that is just a faliacy.

>

>I think I've said my share. Hope I haven't offended anyone.

>

>

>Barbaraa

>

>---------------------------

[Guest guest]

I have twins as most of ya'll know.......one achon and one average. Something

that is never discussed very much within LPA or this listserv, is how the

'average sized' child is accepted and how they deal with their own feelings of

being accepted in a 'small' or lp family. I have always made it a point or at

least try to, as best as a parent can, to treat my average daughter, the same as

her lp brother. And since I am not her or an average sized person, I can't

really get a true feeling for what it is really like to be surrounded by still a

very loving, but much smaller sized family, than themselves.

My daughter and I both have a very open relationship......right now she is 14

and

maybe some day she can really tell me in her own words, what it was like to be

different from the rest of us. I say 'different' but in fact the only

difference

is physical and hopefully all of what I give her in respect, love, and a caring

heart, will and has overlooked or blinded her in some ways to the fact, that she

is special, unique and different. But then of course everybody is special,

unique and different in God's eyes!

Have a great day and try and stay rugged up,

Ann

Vita Gagne wrote:

> From: Vita Gagne <rgagne@...>

>

> As an average-sized parent of an LP, I'm not offended, but think there's

> more to parenting than size/disability. I understand what you're trying to

> say here (Helen too), but in my opinion, there is no " best " sized parent to

> raise an LP. Instead it takes committed, loving parents, no matter what

> their size or disability.

>

> While I have lived with an LP for 24 years, I cannot say that I know what

> it absolutely feels like to be an LP. BUT I can _understand_ most of what

> our LP son goes through day-to-day, and I'm sure that's what your parents

> were talking about too.

>

> That understanding did not come all at once. Before you were able to speak

> for yourself and deal with the outside world, your parents did it for you.

> They dealt with the questions, stares, tough medical decisions, etc. Your

> parents also knew what it meant when someone saw an LP for the first time

> and what could happen as a result of that. They set up your home to

> accommodate you as much as possible. To me, the most interesting part,

> however, is that LP parents would have these _same_ experiences, so there

> is no " best " parent for an LP child.

>

> Keeping lines of communication open is another important factor when

> raising any child, LP or average-sized. Some parents of LPs (average-sized

> or LP) get very upset when their children complain about some LP things.

> While I understand the parents' fears, one of the best pieces of advice to

> us came from an LP adult: it is better to allow the child to complain --

> and then use that opportunity to have an open dialogue about how to resolve

> whatever is bugging the LP child. Everyday isn't a picnic, whether the

> child is average-sized or LP.

>

> To all you parents out there, or those thinking about becoming parents, I

> wish you good luck!

>

> Vita

>

> At 09:53 PM 1/23/2000 +0000, you wrote:

> >From: Barbara Brullo <tobubba@...>

> >

> >Hi all,

> >

> >I refrained from initially commenting on " the pill " question b/c I was quite

> >taken aback by the question, considering I hadn't noticed the inquirer on

> >the list before raising this question....so I held back. Aside from the fact

> >that I had to collect my thoughts on the matter. I personally would NOT take

> > " the pill " b/c as Helen said, who better to raise an lp child than an lp (I

> >believe it was Helen who said this). I would have to agree 150%! I mean, I

> >was born to average size parents and it would bug the crap out of me when

> >they would tell me that they knew what I was going through....anyway....my

> >husband and I would know what our child was going thru, having been there. I

> >feel that life is precious, no matter what size, shape, disability...we are

> >all put on this earth with a purpose....we just need to find it.

> >

> >I would NOT take the pill. Another thought I had is whether I'd prefer my

> >child to be an lp or average size. I sit and try to imagine what life would

> >be like of an average size child with two lp parents.....hmmmm....how do the

> >lp parents help that child? I think the pill is just a way for some to take

> >the easy way out, not wanting to deal with things....trying to live in an

> >ideal world and that is just a faliacy.

> >

> >I think I've said my share. Hope I haven't offended anyone.

> >

> >

> >Barbaraa

> >

> >---------------------------

[Guest guest]

on the other hand.......

i remember the pain and confusion of being different, the cruelty and ignorance

of

others as i struggled to understand, " why me? " it's hard to always be the last

one

chosen for school games (anybody else remember PE class?), to struggle home with

a

book bag too heavy, to sit at home when everybody else starts to date. i'm not

sure

that i would consciously choose that option for another person, no matter how

well

i've learned to move beyond it as an adult.

would you take this pill if it meant that your child could see? hear? have

sturdy

legs and arms? if it meant that he or she wouldn't suffer from kidney problems

or

diabetes? i've read many notes on this list about parents searching for medical

solutions to a myriad of dwarf-related medical problems. i'm not sure that if i

would not spare my child if i could. why would you willingly submit your child

to

repeated surgeries, years of braces, etc, if there was a way to avoid it?

as i understand the question, the child would still be born, just not

short-statured. don't we all want our children to be as healthy as possible?

because that's what it is to me.

{s}

luthien

[Guest guest]

Dear Vita~ AMEN! I couldn't have said it any better! Thank you for putting

into words how I feel, as well. Patty

Re: parenting

> From: Vita Gagne <rgagne@...>

>

> As an average-sized parent of an LP, I'm not offended, but think there's

> more to parenting than size/disability. I understand what you're trying

to

> say here (Helen too), but in my opinion, there is no " best " sized parent

to

> raise an LP. Instead it takes committed, loving parents, no matter what

> their size or disability.

>

> While I have lived with an LP for 24 years, I cannot say that I know what

> it absolutely feels like to be an LP. BUT I can _understand_ most of what

> our LP son goes through day-to-day, and I'm sure that's what your parents

> were talking about too.

>

> That understanding did not come all at once. Before you were able to

speak

> for yourself and deal with the outside world, your parents did it for you.

> They dealt with the questions, stares, tough medical decisions, etc. Your

> parents also knew what it meant when someone saw an LP for the first time

> and what could happen as a result of that. They set up your home to

> accommodate you as much as possible. To me, the most interesting part,

> however, is that LP parents would have these _same_ experiences, so there

> is no " best " parent for an LP child.

>

> Keeping lines of communication open is another important factor when

> raising any child, LP or average-sized. Some parents of LPs

(average-sized

> or LP) get very upset when their children complain about some LP things.

> While I understand the parents' fears, one of the best pieces of advice to

> us came from an LP adult: it is better to allow the child to complain --

> and then use that opportunity to have an open dialogue about how to

resolve

> whatever is bugging the LP child. Everyday isn't a picnic, whether the

> child is average-sized or LP.

>

> To all you parents out there, or those thinking about becoming parents, I

> wish you good luck!

>

> Vita

>

>

>

> At 09:53 PM 1/23/2000 +0000, you wrote:

> >From: Barbara Brullo <tobubba@...>

> >

> >Hi all,

> >

> >I refrained from initially commenting on " the pill " question b/c I was

quite

> >taken aback by the question, considering I hadn't noticed the inquirer on

> >the list before raising this question....so I held back. Aside from the

fact

> >that I had to collect my thoughts on the matter. I personally would NOT

take

> > " the pill " b/c as Helen said, who better to raise an lp child than an lp

(I

> >believe it was Helen who said this). I would have to agree 150%! I mean,

I

> >was born to average size parents and it would bug the crap out of me when

> >they would tell me that they knew what I was going

through....anyway....my

> >husband and I would know what our child was going thru, having been

there. I

> >feel that life is precious, no matter what size, shape, disability...we

are

> >all put on this earth with a purpose....we just need to find it.

> >

> >I would NOT take the pill. Another thought I had is whether I'd prefer my

> >child to be an lp or average size. I sit and try to imagine what life

would

> >be like of an average size child with two lp parents.....hmmmm....how do

the

> >lp parents help that child? I think the pill is just a way for some to

take

> >the easy way out, not wanting to deal with things....trying to live in an

> >ideal world and that is just a faliacy.

> >

> >I think I've said my share. Hope I haven't offended anyone.

> >

> >

> >Barbaraa

> >

> >---------------------------

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 01/24/00 9:34:02 AM Eastern Standard Time,

K7838@... writes:

<< To me it doesnt matter the size of the child or the parents, but just how

well they were raised. >>

Hi Family,

I am a LP mom of 2 average size children- Girl 18 yrs and Boy 9. As far as

they are concerned I am mom regardless of my height. I love my children and

vise versa. We have had trials in life (not due to my height) and have

overcome them. I feel I have done a good job with them regardless. Until two

years ago, Everyone in my family was average. My mom told me that she is glad

to have a daughter like me and I have made her so proud.

I know some average parents with average kids who curse the day that either

was born.

Thanks,

Marilyn

[Guest guest]

How do you deal with a spouse who willingly goes to all appointments, participates in the weekly counseling sessions, reads books, reads articles online, knows the child has Asperger Syndrome, and still expects the child to behave like the average child his age? I just can't seem to get it to sink in even though our son is on SSI, has an ankle monitor, an IEP, and is in a self contained classroom due to his behavior.

Thanks!

[Guest guest]

smack him on the upside of his head ???? just kidding but honestly, he has no excuse .

Wags! Wags! Wags!

Lowry

"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."

Author Ben

From: lisa_leonard@...Date: Thu, 7 Feb 2008 07:39:37 -0800Subject: ( ) Parenting

How do you deal with a spouse who willingly goes to all appointments, participates in the weekly counseling sessions, reads books, reads articles online, knows the child has Asperger Syndrome, and still expects the child to behave like the average child his age? I just can't seem to get it to sink in even though our son is on SSI, has an ankle monitor, an IEP, and is in a self contained classroom due to his behavior.

Thanks!

[Guest guest]

i love the bandaid idea. it is cute and gets the message across.

thanx melody

>

>

> this may seem far fetched but when my kids were little and I was

sick or had a really bad headache, I would put a bandaid on my

forehead or tummy so they got the idea.

>

> why not get a t-shirt for your son to wear at home that spells it

all out....said he can custom make them ....sometimes pics

paint a better picture.....

>

> check out Chris' s links on cafe press

> Wags! Wags! Wags!

>

> Lowry

>

> " There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your

face. "

> Author Ben

>

>

> @...: lisa_leonard@...: Thu, 7 Feb 2008

07:58:51 -0800Subject: Re: ( ) Parenting

>

>

>

>

>

>

> No he doesn't but it just doesn't seem to be sinking in. It's

frustrating.

>

( ) Parenting

>

>

>

>

> How do you deal with a spouse who willingly goes to all

appointments, participates in the weekly counseling sessions, reads

books, reads articles online, knows the child has Asperger Syndrome,

and still expects the child to behave like the average child his age?

I just can't seem to get it to sink in even though our son is on

SSI, has an ankle monitor, an IEP, and is in a self contained

classroom due to his behavior.

> Thanks!

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> _________________________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Hi , he sounds like he is in denial. Keep having him join in all those things & maybe he'll eventually get it. Take care,Betty <lisa_leonard@...> wrote: How do you deal with a spouse who willingly goes to all appointments, participates in the

weekly counseling sessions, reads books, reads articles online, knows the child has Asperger Syndrome, and still expects the child to behave like the average child his age? I just can't seem to get it to sink in even though our son is on SSI, has an ankle monitor, an IEP, and is in a self contained classroom due to his behavior. Thanks! Take care, Betty

Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.

[Guest guest]

Thanks!I will.

Re: ( ) Parenting

Hi ,

he sounds like he is in denial. Keep having him join in all those things & maybe he'll eventually get it.

Take care,Betty

<lisa_leonard@ sbcglobal. net> wrote:

How do you deal with a spouse who willingly goes to all appointments, participates in the weekly counseling sessions, reads books, reads articles online, knows the child has Asperger Syndrome, and still expects the child to behave like the average child his age? I just can't seem to get it to sink in even though our son is on SSI, has an ankle monitor, an IEP, and is in a self contained classroom due to his behavior.

Thanks!

Take care,

Betty

Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.