Guest guest Posted May 29, 2009 Report Share Posted May 29, 2009 Been there, done that.... son is 13 years old now. It has been a VERY long road but we have avoided psychiatric hospitalization over the years and survived.... Now, in retrospect, I would recommend the following, after much trial and error.... 1. Modify the environment 2. Calm, unemotional, structured living environment. 3. Destress yourself as much as possible. 4. Get a break from it and keep yourself in good psychological shape. 5. Modify schooling, modify parenting, modify expectations. 6. "Catch em being good." as much as possible - put 25 pennies in your pocket and be sure to give him one every time you catch him being good. 25 in your pocket reminds you to get rid of them during the day. 7. Behavior "token economy" system for everyone in the house - worded in a "positive" fashion. 8. Much is often to escape an intolerable situation. Realize that behavior can be manipulative, as child MUST escape or CANNOT tolerate the situation. Avoid these situations if at all possible. 9. It will get better but it may get worse before it gets better. 10. Consider medication. Consider changing medication, consider stopping medication. 11. Both parents on the SAME page regarding parenting. 12. Try to remain calm at all times..... Good luck!!! I wish I could have followed this advice perfectly. Much easier to recommend that to do it yourself day in and day out. I try, but it is hard. It does get better. My husband and I were just saying that we finally have our lives back (HFA son is 13, now homeschooled x 2 years - which is what FINALLY made the difference for him) Aspie daughter is 9 and is having screaming meltdowns and aggression, but it is SO MUCH EASIER to do this time, as I know what to do, what not to do, and that there truly is little I can do. She will grow out of it and I need to just do the above advice until she does. Slowly teach coping skills to her. She can't exactly access them now, but she will eventually. Reward baby steps..... I remember the days you describe. They were hell. So much was awful as it wasn't clear what to do and I would feel so much failure over it all... Hang in there! Debbie ( ) How to cope?? Hi All, Can anyone give me advise on how to cope with violent outburst's? My ds (age 6) has been increasingly violent this week, I am not sure if it's because it's the end of the school year or what. Yesterday he pulled a metal foose ball pole out of the garbage and beat my other son over the back with it. He is starting to hit and shove me. He is puching and kicking my dog. But as quickly as it starts it stops again and he act like it never happened. I tried placing him in his room until the "storm" passes but he has taken to throwing toys at the wall. Please help!! I am at the end of my rope with this child this week. Thanks all, Steph Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 29, 2009 Report Share Posted May 29, 2009 This is timely advice for my husband and me...just last night daughter had a huge one at almost 11:00 at night...over a band-aid that I told her she didn't need. I need to forward this to my husband and read it often. Thanks!>> Been there, done that.... son is 13 years old now. It has been a VERY long road but we have avoided psychiatric hospitalization over the years and survived....> > Now, in retrospect, I would recommend the following, after much trial and error....> 1. Modify the environment> 2. Calm, unemotional, structured living environment.> 3. Destress yourself as much as possible.> 4. Get a break from it and keep yourself in good psychological shape.> 5. Modify schooling, modify parenting, modify expectations.> 6. "Catch em being good." as much as possible - put 25 pennies in your pocket and be sure to give him one every time you catch him being good. 25 in your pocket reminds you to get rid of them during the day.> 7. Behavior "token economy" system for everyone in the house - worded in a "positive" fashion.> 8. Much is often to escape an intolerable situation. Realize that behavior can be manipulative, as child MUST escape or CANNOT tolerate the situation. Avoid these situations if at all possible. > 9. It will get better but it may get worse before it gets better.> 10. Consider medication. Consider changing medication, consider stopping medication.> 11. Both parents on the SAME page regarding parenting. > 12. Try to remain calm at all times.....> > Good luck!!! I wish I could have followed this advice perfectly. Much easier to recommend that to do it yourself day in and day out. I try, but it is hard. It does get better.> > My husband and I were just saying that we finally have our lives back (HFA son is 13, now homeschooled x 2 years - which is what FINALLY made the difference for him) Aspie daughter is 9 and is having screaming meltdowns and aggression, but it is SO MUCH EASIER to do this time, as I know what to do, what not to do, and that there truly is little I can do. She will grow out of it and I need to just do the above advice until she does. Slowly teach coping skills to her. She can't exactly access them now, but she will eventually. Reward baby steps.....> > I remember the days you describe. They were hell. So much was awful as it wasn't clear what to do and I would feel so much failure over it all...> > Hang in there! > > Debbie > ( ) How to cope??> > > > > > Hi All, > > Can anyone give me advise on how to cope with violent outburst's? My ds (age 6) has been increasingly violent this week, I am not sure if it's because it's the end of the school year or what. Yesterday he pulled a metal foose ball pole out of the garbage and beat my other son over the back with it. He is starting to hit and shove me. He is puching and kicking my dog. But as quickly as it starts it stops again and he act like it never happened. > > I tried placing him in his room until the "storm" passes but he has taken to throwing toys at the wall. > > Please help!! I am at the end of my rope with this child this week. > > Thanks all, > Steph> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 30, 2009 Report Share Posted May 30, 2009 I am going thru same thing rite now w/my 9 year old son. just finally diagnosed 2 months ago with aspergers buti knew it all along. last few months hes been attacking his older brother as well, screaming at me, etc. my older son gets upset that the little one talks to and treats everyone the way he does. right now were trying to get him into a wraparound program. its hard when parents are not on same page. sometimes my husband insists he understands and " gets it " and yells at him which only makes things worse. i just say ignore him, let him stomp and scream and the storm will pass. the more u interact the more crazed they get. good luck...i feel for u. > > > > Been there, done that.... son is 13 years old now. It has been a > VERY long road but we have avoided psychiatric hospitalization over the > years and survived.... > > > > Now, in retrospect, I would recommend the following, after much trial > and error.... > > 1. Modify the environment > > 2. Calm, unemotional, structured living environment. > > 3. Destress yourself as much as possible. > > 4. Get a break from it and keep yourself in good psychological shape. > > 5. Modify schooling, modify parenting, modify expectations. > > 6. " Catch em being good. " as much as possible - put 25 pennies in > your pocket and be sure to give him one every time you catch him being > good. 25 in your pocket reminds you to get rid of them during the day. > > 7. Behavior " token economy " system for everyone in the house - worded > in a " positive " fashion. > > 8. Much is often to escape an intolerable situation. Realize that > behavior can be manipulative, as child MUST escape or CANNOT tolerate > the situation. Avoid these situations if at all possible. > > 9. It will get better but it may get worse before it gets better. > > 10. Consider medication. Consider changing medication, consider > stopping medication. > > 11. Both parents on the SAME page regarding parenting. > > 12. Try to remain calm at all times..... > > > > Good luck!!! I wish I could have followed this advice perfectly. > Much easier to recommend that to do it yourself day in and day out. I > try, but it is hard. It does get better. > > > > My husband and I were just saying that we finally have our lives back > (HFA son is 13, now homeschooled x 2 years - which is what FINALLY made > the difference for him) Aspie daughter is 9 and is having screaming > meltdowns and aggression, but it is SO MUCH EASIER to do this time, as I > know what to do, what not to do, and that there truly is little I can > do. She will grow out of it and I need to just do the above advice > until she does. Slowly teach coping skills to her. She can't exactly > access them now, but she will eventually. Reward baby steps..... > > > > I remember the days you describe. They were hell. So much was awful > as it wasn't clear what to do and I would feel so much failure over it > all... > > > > Hang in there! > > > > Debbie > > ( ) How to cope?? > > > > > > > > > > > > Hi All, > > > > Can anyone give me advise on how to cope with violent outburst's? My > ds (age 6) has been increasingly violent this week, I am not sure if > it's because it's the end of the school year or what. Yesterday he > pulled a metal foose ball pole out of the garbage and beat my other son > over the back with it. He is starting to hit and shove me. He is puching > and kicking my dog. But as quickly as it starts it stops again and he > act like it never happened. > > > > I tried placing him in his room until the " storm " passes but he has > taken to throwing toys at the wall. > > > > Please help!! I am at the end of my rope with this child this week. > > > > Thanks all, > > Steph > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 30, 2009 Report Share Posted May 30, 2009 My son is also prone to violent outbursts. At the age of 6 he would flip over our couch, beat the cats, and hit anyone that came near him. This is how I handled it. If it was safe to get near him, I'd remove him from the room and whatever was making him mad. If it was not safe, I'd get my other kids to leave the room, and get the cats out of there. Then I would stand around the corner where I would be safe and could make sure he didn't hurt himself, and just let him get it out of his system. When he calmed down, we'd talk about it. He told me he didn't like feeling that way and didn't know how to stop it. His therapist and he came up with some coping mechanisms. He had a stomping pad, a squishy ball he could safely throw at the wall, a pillow to pound, and old phonebooks to rip and destroy. He also learned to count and breathe deep. The only thing with these is that I would have to catch him before he went into a full blown rage. Not always possible with a hair trigger temper. oh, everytime he hit someone or the cats he'd have to sit in time out. When it got to the point I feared for everyone's lives, and nearly had a nervous breakdown, I had him put on medication. (I put up with daily rages for nearly a year). He is on a couple of meds, but when he went on 2mg of Abilify each night, the rages dropped off considerably. Now I only deal with major one's if I forget to give him the Abilify the night before. I feel like that one medication has given me my son back. Ginger > > Hi All, > > Can anyone give me advise on how to cope with violent outburst's? My ds (age 6) has been increasingly violent this week, I am not sure if it's because it's the end of the school year or what. Yesterday he pulled a metal foose ball pole out of the garbage and beat my other son over the back with it. He is starting to hit and shove me. He is puching and kicking my dog. But as quickly as it starts it stops again and he act like it never happened. > > I tried placing him in his room until the " storm " passes but he has taken to throwing toys at the wall. > > Please help!! I am at the end of my rope with this child this week. > > Thanks all, > Steph > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 30, 2009 Report Share Posted May 30, 2009 Hey! We just got OFF Abilify after years of Risperdal and Abilify...... He finally "grew out of" the need for them and has more cognitive/rational thinking to avoid meltdowns himself now. FINALLY! So, hope that provides hope to you that the meds don't have to be forever! ( ) Re: How to cope?? My son is also prone to violent outbursts. At the age of 6 he would flip over our couch, beat the cats, and hit anyone that came near him. This is how I handled it. If it was safe to get near him, I'd remove him from the room and whatever was making him mad. If it was not safe, I'd get my other kids to leave the room, and get the cats out of there. Then I would stand around the corner where I would be safe and could make sure he didn't hurt himself, and just let him get it out of his system.When he calmed down, we'd talk about it. He told me he didn't like feeling that way and didn't know how to stop it. His therapist and he came up with some coping mechanisms. He had a stomping pad, a squishy ball he could safely throw at the wall, a pillow to pound, and old phonebooks to rip and destroy. He also learned to count and breathe deep. The only thing with these is that I would have to catch him before he went into a full blown rage. Not always possible with a hair trigger temper. oh, everytime he hit someone or the cats he'd have to sit in time out.When it got to the point I feared for everyone's lives, and nearly had a nervous breakdown, I had him put on medication. (I put up with daily rages for nearly a year). He is on a couple of meds, but when he went on 2mg of Abilify each night, the rages dropped off considerably. Now I only deal with major one's if I forget to give him the Abilify the night before. I feel like that one medication has given me my son back.Ginger>> Hi All, > > Can anyone give me advise on how to cope with violent outburst's? My ds (age 6) has been increasingly violent this week, I am not sure if it's because it's the end of the school year or what. Yesterday he pulled a metal foose ball pole out of the garbage and beat my other son over the back with it. He is starting to hit and shove me. He is puching and kicking my dog. But as quickly as it starts it stops again and he act like it never happened. > > I tried placing him in his room until the "storm" passes but he has taken to throwing toys at the wall. > > Please help!! I am at the end of my rope with this child this week. > > Thanks all, > Steph> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 30, 2009 Report Share Posted May 30, 2009 Debra I love that advice. Very well put. Why is school so hard. Just too many variables I quess. I hate my life at the moment, the moment will pass. I hate that I spent the last two days pained that the school is punishing my daughter for having a disability. How did you get your kids to compile with homeschooling. How do you structure there day so they are obessing on there special interests rather than doing math. Pam > > Been there, done that.... son is 13 years old now. It has been a VERY long road but we have avoided psychiatric hospitalization over the years and survived.... > > Now, in retrospect, I would recommend the following, after much trial and error.... > 1. Modify the environment > 2. Calm, unemotional, structured living environment. > 3. Destress yourself as much as possible. > 4. Get a break from it and keep yourself in good psychological shape. > 5. Modify schooling, modify parenting, modify expectations. > 6. " Catch em being good. " as much as possible - put 25 pennies in your pocket and be sure to give him one every time you catch him being good. 25 in your pocket reminds you to get rid of them during the day. > 7. Behavior " token economy " system for everyone in the house - worded in a " positive " fashion. > 8. Much is often to escape an intolerable situation. Realize that behavior can be manipulative, as child MUST escape or CANNOT tolerate the situation. Avoid these situations if at all possible. > 9. It will get better but it may get worse before it gets better. > 10. Consider medication. Consider changing medication, consider stopping medication. > 11. Both parents on the SAME page regarding parenting. > 12. Try to remain calm at all times..... > > Good luck!!! I wish I could have followed this advice perfectly. Much easier to recommend that to do it yourself day in and day out. I try, but it is hard. It does get better. > > My husband and I were just saying that we finally have our lives back (HFA son is 13, now homeschooled x 2 years - which is what FINALLY made the difference for him) Aspie daughter is 9 and is having screaming meltdowns and aggression, but it is SO MUCH EASIER to do this time, as I know what to do, what not to do, and that there truly is little I can do. She will grow out of it and I need to just do the above advice until she does. Slowly teach coping skills to her. She can't exactly access them now, but she will eventually. Reward baby steps..... > > I remember the days you describe. They were hell. So much was awful as it wasn't clear what to do and I would feel so much failure over it all... > > Hang in there! > > Debbie > ( ) How to cope?? > > > > > > Hi All, > > Can anyone give me advise on how to cope with violent outburst's? My ds (age 6) has been increasingly violent this week, I am not sure if it's because it's the end of the school year or what. Yesterday he pulled a metal foose ball pole out of the garbage and beat my other son over the back with it. He is starting to hit and shove me. He is puching and kicking my dog. But as quickly as it starts it stops again and he act like it never happened. > > I tried placing him in his room until the " storm " passes but he has taken to throwing toys at the wall. > > Please help!! I am at the end of my rope with this child this week. > > Thanks all, > Steph > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 30, 2009 Report Share Posted May 30, 2009 I tell myself on bad days..."all I have to do is to do better than the school was doing." That usually cheers me up. We spread school work over 7 days per week, 365 days per year. So, it is tiny bits at a time. 6 math problems a day, etc. It used to be a very very strict token economy behavioral system. 10 minutes of work was followed by up to 20 minutes of obsession time. We would alternate 10/20 like this. Then, if a neighbor showed up at the door I would send him begrudgingly to swim.....Once I got him swimming with a peer then I would say "When you go in the house from swimming I need to you start your next work session." That would keep him exercising and swimming and socializing for as long as he could possibly stand it. That would help us diminish the amount of time spent on the obsessions. It has been so SO much work over the years. At least now we are seeing results for all of the hard work. Meds are being tapered, more work is getting done, meltdowns are less and less..... Thank god finally! Some days still it seems like it will never end and it is totally overwhelming. Other days I think how good it is going and I can imagine both of my kids living on their own some days. Then back to the dark days where I imagine my son in jail and my daughter in some horrible abusive relationship as an adult.... Then, if I want to really freak myself out, I think of my two autistic kids having their own kids. Autistic grandkids!!!???? AUGHHHHH..................... ( ) How to cope??> > > > > > Hi All, > > Can anyone give me advise on how to cope with violent outburst's? My ds (age 6) has been increasingly violent this week, I am not sure if it's because it's the end of the school year or what. Yesterday he pulled a metal foose ball pole out of the garbage and beat my other son over the back with it. He is starting to hit and shove me. He is puching and kicking my dog. But as quickly as it starts it stops again and he act like it never happened. > > I tried placing him in his room until the "storm" passes but he has taken to throwing toys at the wall. > > Please help!! I am at the end of my rope with this child this week. > > Thanks all, > Steph> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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