Guest guest Posted February 4, 2002 Report Share Posted February 4, 2002 Hi Gerry! Regarding the social issues with your daughter (just my opinion), besides the OCD (which I think sometimes intensifies emotions/reactions due to the anxiety) part of it can be the " age " and puberty. Part of it could be she doesn't have many friends (?) and so is possessive of them in a way. And the part about thinking others are talking about her, my belief is that it's either she knows they might not like her if she's upset them lately so she feels they might be talking about her; and/or low self-esteem. Is she shy somewhat? I'd have to say that at one point as a kid I could not imagine anyone with lower self-esteem than me; maybe a " tie " for it but not any lower!! So I was the type that would sometimes think that people were laughing at me or talking about me, etc. And I could tell myself they weren't, but there was still the " feeling. " And when I was younger than your daughter and being somewhat shy, it was hard to " share " a friend you felt comfortable with. Of course, I was the silent/feel-sorry-for-myself type, so no scenes made. That's why I asked if your daughter is shy or " not confident " about herself in any way? Or maybe since her OCD began, it might intensify any feelings of inadequacy or something? All just guesses since she may be a very verbal, outgoing child! I also remember that in jr high as I began to get more outgoing, that I started making new friends and so did my " best friend " at that time and that caused a little trouble, like hurt feelings, anger, etc. - I'd rather go home with the " newer " friend or something and " best friend " would get upset. So maybe it's just teenage thing also. OKAY, just some examples from my experience! Regarding the CBT not being helpful, are there any other therapists nearby you could try that work with OCD? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 4, 2002 Report Share Posted February 4, 2002 Hi Gerry! Regarding the social issues with your daughter (just my opinion), besides the OCD (which I think sometimes intensifies emotions/reactions due to the anxiety) part of it can be the " age " and puberty. Part of it could be she doesn't have many friends (?) and so is possessive of them in a way. And the part about thinking others are talking about her, my belief is that it's either she knows they might not like her if she's upset them lately so she feels they might be talking about her; and/or low self-esteem. Is she shy somewhat? I'd have to say that at one point as a kid I could not imagine anyone with lower self-esteem than me; maybe a " tie " for it but not any lower!! So I was the type that would sometimes think that people were laughing at me or talking about me, etc. And I could tell myself they weren't, but there was still the " feeling. " And when I was younger than your daughter and being somewhat shy, it was hard to " share " a friend you felt comfortable with. Of course, I was the silent/feel-sorry-for-myself type, so no scenes made. That's why I asked if your daughter is shy or " not confident " about herself in any way? Or maybe since her OCD began, it might intensify any feelings of inadequacy or something? All just guesses since she may be a very verbal, outgoing child! I also remember that in jr high as I began to get more outgoing, that I started making new friends and so did my " best friend " at that time and that caused a little trouble, like hurt feelings, anger, etc. - I'd rather go home with the " newer " friend or something and " best friend " would get upset. So maybe it's just teenage thing also. OKAY, just some examples from my experience! Regarding the CBT not being helpful, are there any other therapists nearby you could try that work with OCD? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 4, 2002 Report Share Posted February 4, 2002 Hi Gerry! Regarding the social issues with your daughter (just my opinion), besides the OCD (which I think sometimes intensifies emotions/reactions due to the anxiety) part of it can be the " age " and puberty. Part of it could be she doesn't have many friends (?) and so is possessive of them in a way. And the part about thinking others are talking about her, my belief is that it's either she knows they might not like her if she's upset them lately so she feels they might be talking about her; and/or low self-esteem. Is she shy somewhat? I'd have to say that at one point as a kid I could not imagine anyone with lower self-esteem than me; maybe a " tie " for it but not any lower!! So I was the type that would sometimes think that people were laughing at me or talking about me, etc. And I could tell myself they weren't, but there was still the " feeling. " And when I was younger than your daughter and being somewhat shy, it was hard to " share " a friend you felt comfortable with. Of course, I was the silent/feel-sorry-for-myself type, so no scenes made. That's why I asked if your daughter is shy or " not confident " about herself in any way? Or maybe since her OCD began, it might intensify any feelings of inadequacy or something? All just guesses since she may be a very verbal, outgoing child! I also remember that in jr high as I began to get more outgoing, that I started making new friends and so did my " best friend " at that time and that caused a little trouble, like hurt feelings, anger, etc. - I'd rather go home with the " newer " friend or something and " best friend " would get upset. So maybe it's just teenage thing also. OKAY, just some examples from my experience! Regarding the CBT not being helpful, are there any other therapists nearby you could try that work with OCD? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 4, 2002 Report Share Posted February 4, 2002 Hi Gerry, That bordering on paranoia description sounds familiar. When my daughter is in bad spells she insists that everyone hates her, she is doing better now, and though she has only one good friend, does not seem as paranoid about everyone else, so that they are at least aquaintances to her(as opposed to people who detest her). Is there at least one girl who might be able to understand your daughter better, that she can cultivate a closer friendship with, maybe who has somewhat similar problems (my daughter's best friend last year was a girl with ADHD, but she left the school). nancy grace -- In @y..., " nemeton54 " <nemeton54@a...> wrote: > We would be most grateful if anyone could respond to our questions > and concerns for our 12 year old daughter. She has been diagnosed for > a one year now with contamination OCD and is on paxol. We did about 6 > mths of CBT without major results. How do you get a child without > much will power to do the challenges each night? How do you help an > immature child to take responsibility for her own actions regarding > ocd behaviors? We are now presenting social issues at school with > friends: ie:Our daughter is putting the blame on a friend because she > didn't stop her from washing her hands. Breaking out into angry rages > against her friends when the anxiety builds up. Being very possessive > of her friends and jealous if her friend speaks to anyone else. It is > almost too much of an effort to be a friend to our daughter! > There are some signs of paranoia---If two friends are talking, our > daughter assumes they are talking about her. If her friend speaks to > someone else she must be right there. > Could any of this be medication, side effects of OCD another issue > to face, girls in general at this age???????? Thanks very much for > any response you might offer. Sincerely, Gerry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 4, 2002 Report Share Posted February 4, 2002 Hi Gerry, That bordering on paranoia description sounds familiar. When my daughter is in bad spells she insists that everyone hates her, she is doing better now, and though she has only one good friend, does not seem as paranoid about everyone else, so that they are at least aquaintances to her(as opposed to people who detest her). Is there at least one girl who might be able to understand your daughter better, that she can cultivate a closer friendship with, maybe who has somewhat similar problems (my daughter's best friend last year was a girl with ADHD, but she left the school). nancy grace -- In @y..., " nemeton54 " <nemeton54@a...> wrote: > We would be most grateful if anyone could respond to our questions > and concerns for our 12 year old daughter. She has been diagnosed for > a one year now with contamination OCD and is on paxol. We did about 6 > mths of CBT without major results. How do you get a child without > much will power to do the challenges each night? How do you help an > immature child to take responsibility for her own actions regarding > ocd behaviors? We are now presenting social issues at school with > friends: ie:Our daughter is putting the blame on a friend because she > didn't stop her from washing her hands. Breaking out into angry rages > against her friends when the anxiety builds up. Being very possessive > of her friends and jealous if her friend speaks to anyone else. It is > almost too much of an effort to be a friend to our daughter! > There are some signs of paranoia---If two friends are talking, our > daughter assumes they are talking about her. If her friend speaks to > someone else she must be right there. > Could any of this be medication, side effects of OCD another issue > to face, girls in general at this age???????? Thanks very much for > any response you might offer. Sincerely, Gerry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 4, 2002 Report Share Posted February 4, 2002 Hi Gerry, That bordering on paranoia description sounds familiar. When my daughter is in bad spells she insists that everyone hates her, she is doing better now, and though she has only one good friend, does not seem as paranoid about everyone else, so that they are at least aquaintances to her(as opposed to people who detest her). Is there at least one girl who might be able to understand your daughter better, that she can cultivate a closer friendship with, maybe who has somewhat similar problems (my daughter's best friend last year was a girl with ADHD, but she left the school). nancy grace -- In @y..., " nemeton54 " <nemeton54@a...> wrote: > We would be most grateful if anyone could respond to our questions > and concerns for our 12 year old daughter. She has been diagnosed for > a one year now with contamination OCD and is on paxol. We did about 6 > mths of CBT without major results. How do you get a child without > much will power to do the challenges each night? How do you help an > immature child to take responsibility for her own actions regarding > ocd behaviors? We are now presenting social issues at school with > friends: ie:Our daughter is putting the blame on a friend because she > didn't stop her from washing her hands. Breaking out into angry rages > against her friends when the anxiety builds up. Being very possessive > of her friends and jealous if her friend speaks to anyone else. It is > almost too much of an effort to be a friend to our daughter! > There are some signs of paranoia---If two friends are talking, our > daughter assumes they are talking about her. If her friend speaks to > someone else she must be right there. > Could any of this be medication, side effects of OCD another issue > to face, girls in general at this age???????? Thanks very much for > any response you might offer. Sincerely, Gerry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 4, 2002 Report Share Posted February 4, 2002 To Gerry My daughter is 12 and has severe to extreme ocd and depression. Paxil did not help her one bit. Talk to your therapist and see if you can insist on switching meds for her to see if that helps. Depending on how long she has been on the paxil, the therapist may say wait a little longer if she has not been on too long or if she has been on a while, there may be a possibility that her body could have possibly grown to become almost in an immune type state to the paxil??? I dont know, I am not a doctor, but after having my daughter on Paxil for over 5 months, I insisted we try something else. She is now on zoloft and it seems to be working for now, although I think they could possibly up the dose a little, but will wait it out and see how this dosage works. Our therapist said getting the right medication is a hit or miss type situation and sometimes people could change meds two or three times (or more in some cases) to find what works for that person. Hope this helps. le Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 4, 2002 Report Share Posted February 4, 2002 To Gerry My daughter is 12 and has severe to extreme ocd and depression. Paxil did not help her one bit. Talk to your therapist and see if you can insist on switching meds for her to see if that helps. Depending on how long she has been on the paxil, the therapist may say wait a little longer if she has not been on too long or if she has been on a while, there may be a possibility that her body could have possibly grown to become almost in an immune type state to the paxil??? I dont know, I am not a doctor, but after having my daughter on Paxil for over 5 months, I insisted we try something else. She is now on zoloft and it seems to be working for now, although I think they could possibly up the dose a little, but will wait it out and see how this dosage works. Our therapist said getting the right medication is a hit or miss type situation and sometimes people could change meds two or three times (or more in some cases) to find what works for that person. Hope this helps. le Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 4, 2002 Report Share Posted February 4, 2002 To Gerry My daughter is 12 and has severe to extreme ocd and depression. Paxil did not help her one bit. Talk to your therapist and see if you can insist on switching meds for her to see if that helps. Depending on how long she has been on the paxil, the therapist may say wait a little longer if she has not been on too long or if she has been on a while, there may be a possibility that her body could have possibly grown to become almost in an immune type state to the paxil??? I dont know, I am not a doctor, but after having my daughter on Paxil for over 5 months, I insisted we try something else. She is now on zoloft and it seems to be working for now, although I think they could possibly up the dose a little, but will wait it out and see how this dosage works. Our therapist said getting the right medication is a hit or miss type situation and sometimes people could change meds two or three times (or more in some cases) to find what works for that person. Hope this helps. le Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 6, 2002 Report Share Posted February 6, 2002 My 17 y/o son also has contamination OCD. He is not involved in actual CBT thru his doctor, but does it on his own at home. I know ... that's confusing - sorry - if he is " forced " by someone else to make changes, he resists big time and refuses to do the work. (I believe some of that is age related). He has to take it at his own pace in his own way. He has been able to give up LOTS of his rituals in the last year. When we started with his psychiatrist (who is VERY educated about OCD) he did not push CBT at all, but has gently guided us with suggestions throughout this past year. is on 400mg of Luvox (which has worked very well for him) and 5mg of Zyprexa. We have a long way to go yet, but have already come such a long way from a year ago. Sharon > >Reply-To: >To: >Subject: social issues >Date: Mon, 04 Feb 2002 17:06:49 -0000 > >We would be most grateful if anyone could respond to our questions >and concerns for our 12 year old daughter. She has been diagnosed for >a one year now with contamination OCD and is on paxol. We did about 6 >mths of CBT without major results. How do you get a child without >much will power to do the challenges each night? How do you help an >immature child to take responsibility for her own actions regarding >ocd behaviors? We are now presenting social issues at school with >friends: ie:Our daughter is putting the blame on a friend because she >didn't stop her from washing her hands. Breaking out into angry rages >against her friends when the anxiety builds up. Being very possessive >of her friends and jealous if her friend speaks to anyone else. It is >almost too much of an effort to be a friend to our daughter! > There are some signs of paranoia---If two friends are talking, our >daughter assumes they are talking about her. If her friend speaks to >someone else she must be right there. > Could any of this be medication, side effects of OCD another issue >to face, girls in general at this age???????? Thanks very much for >any response you might offer. Sincerely, Gerry > _________________________________________________________________ MSN Photos is the easiest way to share and print your photos: http://photos.msn.com/support/worldwide.aspx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 6, 2002 Report Share Posted February 6, 2002 My 17 y/o son also has contamination OCD. He is not involved in actual CBT thru his doctor, but does it on his own at home. I know ... that's confusing - sorry - if he is " forced " by someone else to make changes, he resists big time and refuses to do the work. (I believe some of that is age related). He has to take it at his own pace in his own way. He has been able to give up LOTS of his rituals in the last year. When we started with his psychiatrist (who is VERY educated about OCD) he did not push CBT at all, but has gently guided us with suggestions throughout this past year. is on 400mg of Luvox (which has worked very well for him) and 5mg of Zyprexa. We have a long way to go yet, but have already come such a long way from a year ago. Sharon > >Reply-To: >To: >Subject: social issues >Date: Mon, 04 Feb 2002 17:06:49 -0000 > >We would be most grateful if anyone could respond to our questions >and concerns for our 12 year old daughter. She has been diagnosed for >a one year now with contamination OCD and is on paxol. We did about 6 >mths of CBT without major results. How do you get a child without >much will power to do the challenges each night? How do you help an >immature child to take responsibility for her own actions regarding >ocd behaviors? We are now presenting social issues at school with >friends: ie:Our daughter is putting the blame on a friend because she >didn't stop her from washing her hands. Breaking out into angry rages >against her friends when the anxiety builds up. Being very possessive >of her friends and jealous if her friend speaks to anyone else. It is >almost too much of an effort to be a friend to our daughter! > There are some signs of paranoia---If two friends are talking, our >daughter assumes they are talking about her. If her friend speaks to >someone else she must be right there. > Could any of this be medication, side effects of OCD another issue >to face, girls in general at this age???????? Thanks very much for >any response you might offer. Sincerely, Gerry > _________________________________________________________________ MSN Photos is the easiest way to share and print your photos: http://photos.msn.com/support/worldwide.aspx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 6, 2002 Report Share Posted February 6, 2002 My 17 y/o son also has contamination OCD. He is not involved in actual CBT thru his doctor, but does it on his own at home. I know ... that's confusing - sorry - if he is " forced " by someone else to make changes, he resists big time and refuses to do the work. (I believe some of that is age related). He has to take it at his own pace in his own way. He has been able to give up LOTS of his rituals in the last year. When we started with his psychiatrist (who is VERY educated about OCD) he did not push CBT at all, but has gently guided us with suggestions throughout this past year. is on 400mg of Luvox (which has worked very well for him) and 5mg of Zyprexa. We have a long way to go yet, but have already come such a long way from a year ago. Sharon > >Reply-To: >To: >Subject: social issues >Date: Mon, 04 Feb 2002 17:06:49 -0000 > >We would be most grateful if anyone could respond to our questions >and concerns for our 12 year old daughter. She has been diagnosed for >a one year now with contamination OCD and is on paxol. We did about 6 >mths of CBT without major results. How do you get a child without >much will power to do the challenges each night? How do you help an >immature child to take responsibility for her own actions regarding >ocd behaviors? We are now presenting social issues at school with >friends: ie:Our daughter is putting the blame on a friend because she >didn't stop her from washing her hands. Breaking out into angry rages >against her friends when the anxiety builds up. Being very possessive >of her friends and jealous if her friend speaks to anyone else. It is >almost too much of an effort to be a friend to our daughter! > There are some signs of paranoia---If two friends are talking, our >daughter assumes they are talking about her. If her friend speaks to >someone else she must be right there. > Could any of this be medication, side effects of OCD another issue >to face, girls in general at this age???????? Thanks very much for >any response you might offer. Sincerely, Gerry > _________________________________________________________________ MSN Photos is the easiest way to share and print your photos: http://photos.msn.com/support/worldwide.aspx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 6, 2002 Report Share Posted February 6, 2002 Sorry, forgot something. For years my son has thought that people are talking about him. If anyone is talking out of earshot he is " sure " it is about him. If anyone is laughing, he is " sure " they are laughing at him. Sharon > >Reply-To: >To: >Subject: social issues >Date: Mon, 04 Feb 2002 17:06:49 -0000 > >We would be most grateful if anyone could respond to our questions >and concerns for our 12 year old daughter. She has been diagnosed for >a one year now with contamination OCD and is on paxol. We did about 6 >mths of CBT without major results. How do you get a child without >much will power to do the challenges each night? How do you help an >immature child to take responsibility for her own actions regarding >ocd behaviors? We are now presenting social issues at school with >friends: ie:Our daughter is putting the blame on a friend because she >didn't stop her from washing her hands. Breaking out into angry rages >against her friends when the anxiety builds up. Being very possessive >of her friends and jealous if her friend speaks to anyone else. It is >almost too much of an effort to be a friend to our daughter! > There are some signs of paranoia---If two friends are talking, our >daughter assumes they are talking about her. If her friend speaks to >someone else she must be right there. > Could any of this be medication, side effects of OCD another issue >to face, girls in general at this age???????? Thanks very much for >any response you might offer. Sincerely, Gerry > _________________________________________________________________ Chat with friends online, try MSN Messenger: http://messenger.msn.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 6, 2002 Report Share Posted February 6, 2002 Sorry, forgot something. For years my son has thought that people are talking about him. If anyone is talking out of earshot he is " sure " it is about him. If anyone is laughing, he is " sure " they are laughing at him. Sharon > >Reply-To: >To: >Subject: social issues >Date: Mon, 04 Feb 2002 17:06:49 -0000 > >We would be most grateful if anyone could respond to our questions >and concerns for our 12 year old daughter. She has been diagnosed for >a one year now with contamination OCD and is on paxol. We did about 6 >mths of CBT without major results. How do you get a child without >much will power to do the challenges each night? How do you help an >immature child to take responsibility for her own actions regarding >ocd behaviors? We are now presenting social issues at school with >friends: ie:Our daughter is putting the blame on a friend because she >didn't stop her from washing her hands. Breaking out into angry rages >against her friends when the anxiety builds up. Being very possessive >of her friends and jealous if her friend speaks to anyone else. It is >almost too much of an effort to be a friend to our daughter! > There are some signs of paranoia---If two friends are talking, our >daughter assumes they are talking about her. If her friend speaks to >someone else she must be right there. > Could any of this be medication, side effects of OCD another issue >to face, girls in general at this age???????? Thanks very much for >any response you might offer. Sincerely, Gerry > _________________________________________________________________ Chat with friends online, try MSN Messenger: http://messenger.msn.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 10, 2002 Report Share Posted February 10, 2002 Hi Gerri, you wrote: >a one year now with contamination OCD and is on paxol. We did about 6 mths of CBT without major results. How do you get a child without much will power to do the challenges each night? I bribe/reward my child for doing difficult exposure exercises. This can be anything from money, small toys to a trip to Chuck E. Cheese or whatever your particular child finds enticing and motivating. I've found with my daughter that she often forgets about the prize she's earned over the course of a week doing a particular exposure, and her focus switches to how mighty she is, bossing OCD around. But offering an incentive gets her over the initial hump. You might also look at changing when she does her erp challenges. I know my girl is running out of determination and etc. come evening, she's just too tired to tackle much. > How do you help an immature child to take responsibility for her own actions regarding ocd behaviors? We are now presenting social issues at school with friends: ie:Our daughter is putting the blame on a friend because she didn't stop her from washing her hands. Breaking out into angry rages against her friends when the anxiety builds up. Being very possessive of her friends and jealous if her friend speaks to anyone else. It is almost too much of an effort to be a friend to our daughter! This makes it seem that your daughter has a considerable level of OCD to contend with and it is interfering in several areas of her life. She may feel that she *can't* take responsibility for her OCD behaviors, that it is hopeless. Have you considered a med increase or change? What about more erp, perhaps with a different therapist? Sometimes kids can click with a certain therapist and it makes all the difference in the treatment outcome. > There are some signs of paranoia---If two friends are talking, our daughter assumes they are talking about her. If her friend speaks to someone else she must be right there. Could any of this be medication, side effects of OCD another issue to face, girls in general at this age???????? Thanks very much for any response you might offer. Sincerely, Gerry Everything you've written above could easily be due to just the OCD itself IMO. My daughter has also had periods (always when OCD is waxing) when she is sure all her friends hate her and are talking about her, she's jealous of friends' attention to others, etc. All and all if this were my child I would be looking at med changes or augmentation along with a renewed effort at ERP to reduce her symptom severity. I would not be surprised to find these other things--paranoia and possessiveness about friends, even the low will power to go against OCD--diminishing along with her symptom level. Take care, Kathy R. in Indiana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 11, 2002 Report Share Posted February 11, 2002 In a message dated 2/10/02 9:50:34 PM Eastern Standard Time, kathylr@... writes: > I bribe/reward my child Lately I am trying this for behavior. It is NOT working. After a few weeks of at least 60% of the 3 things that he must do a day. He is not doing so good. We just started this past week. It is not helping at all. Any suggestions. Tammy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 11, 2002 Report Share Posted February 11, 2002 Tammy, did HE choose the reward that he wanted for trying? What type behaviors is he working on? Did he/you pick the easier ones to work on first, was wondering if maybe 3 was too many right now? Just some thoughts. I'm not that good at getting my son motivated either. He actually seemed to feel insulted when I suggested " rewards. " Said he didn't want to be bribed, sigh! > In a message dated 2/10/02 9:50:34 PM Eastern Standard Time, > kathylr@a... writes: > > > > I bribe/reward my child > > Lately I am trying this for behavior. It is NOT working. After a few weeks > of at least 60% of the 3 things that he must do a day. He is not doing so > good. We just started this past week. It is not helping at all. Any > suggestions. > > > > > Tammy > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 11, 2002 Report Share Posted February 11, 2002 Tammy, did HE choose the reward that he wanted for trying? What type behaviors is he working on? Did he/you pick the easier ones to work on first, was wondering if maybe 3 was too many right now? Just some thoughts. I'm not that good at getting my son motivated either. He actually seemed to feel insulted when I suggested " rewards. " Said he didn't want to be bribed, sigh! > In a message dated 2/10/02 9:50:34 PM Eastern Standard Time, > kathylr@a... writes: > > > > I bribe/reward my child > > Lately I am trying this for behavior. It is NOT working. After a few weeks > of at least 60% of the 3 things that he must do a day. He is not doing so > good. We just started this past week. It is not helping at all. Any > suggestions. > > > > > Tammy > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 12, 2002 Report Share Posted February 12, 2002 Hi Tammy, I agree with others that suggest you might focus on one behavior at a time, and rethink your rewards to be sure they are motivating to your child--something he very much wants and is willing to work for. My daughter will work hard for something *I* wouldn't bother to bend down to pick up, a Harry Potter trading card for example. But for whatever reason, money does not motivate her, it's too abstract still or the gratification is too delayed. She's not the sort that gets excited by seeing her piggy bank fill up and daydreaming about what she will spend that money for some day. I think it's important to have the goal behavior clearly defined, not a vague " rule " that is open to interpretation. I have primarily used incentives with exposure exercises, not behavior problems, so by definition they are aversive things that Kel wants gone as much as I may. I seem to remember, but not clearly, a discussion on the list earlier where it was mentioned that negative consequences may need to be used along with rewards to change unwanted behavior--either that or I read this advice in a Rosemond parenting column. You might do a search of the archives to see if you can find the posts I am dimly remembering. :-/ Good luck. I know it takes awhile for any new change to begin working smoothly. Your son could be testing your resolve as well. If he has a therapist, that person may have some good ideas for motivating behavior changes in your boy. Take care, Kathy R. in Indiana ----- Original Message ----- From: Tmmy1212@... In a message dated 2/10/02 9:50:34 PM Eastern Standard Time, kathylr@... writes: > I bribe/reward my child Lately I am trying this for behavior. It is NOT working. After a few weeks of at least 60% of the 3 things that he must do a day. He is not doing so good. We just started this past week. It is not helping at all. Any suggestions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 12, 2002 Report Share Posted February 12, 2002 Hi Tammy, I agree with others that suggest you might focus on one behavior at a time, and rethink your rewards to be sure they are motivating to your child--something he very much wants and is willing to work for. My daughter will work hard for something *I* wouldn't bother to bend down to pick up, a Harry Potter trading card for example. But for whatever reason, money does not motivate her, it's too abstract still or the gratification is too delayed. She's not the sort that gets excited by seeing her piggy bank fill up and daydreaming about what she will spend that money for some day. I think it's important to have the goal behavior clearly defined, not a vague " rule " that is open to interpretation. I have primarily used incentives with exposure exercises, not behavior problems, so by definition they are aversive things that Kel wants gone as much as I may. I seem to remember, but not clearly, a discussion on the list earlier where it was mentioned that negative consequences may need to be used along with rewards to change unwanted behavior--either that or I read this advice in a Rosemond parenting column. You might do a search of the archives to see if you can find the posts I am dimly remembering. :-/ Good luck. I know it takes awhile for any new change to begin working smoothly. Your son could be testing your resolve as well. If he has a therapist, that person may have some good ideas for motivating behavior changes in your boy. Take care, Kathy R. in Indiana ----- Original Message ----- From: Tmmy1212@... In a message dated 2/10/02 9:50:34 PM Eastern Standard Time, kathylr@... writes: > I bribe/reward my child Lately I am trying this for behavior. It is NOT working. After a few weeks of at least 60% of the 3 things that he must do a day. He is not doing so good. We just started this past week. It is not helping at all. Any suggestions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 12, 2002 Report Share Posted February 12, 2002 In a message dated 2/11/02 10:35:39 PM Eastern Standard Time, @... writes: > Tammy, did HE choose the reward that he wanted for trying Chris Yes, the pokemon game book, it tells of where to find things in the game he has. I only have three because the therapist suggest it. I know he can do it. I will have a talk with him tomorrow about this. Today he did better, but we had to go do taxes. I guess he had no choice to sit quiet. Tammy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 12, 2002 Report Share Posted February 12, 2002 In a message dated 2/12/02 9:47:35 AM Eastern Standard Time, kathylr@... writes: > I think it's important to have the goal behavior clearly defined, not a > vague " rule " that is open to interpretation. > Kathy He knows what is expected. Get this everyone when the therapist said after the three weeks you pick other things to improve on. He asked " Does that mean I don't have to do the first things? " Ha Ha I guess he thought it was OK to NOT do the goals after the reward. She told him that is why you set a goal and then you will become so use to doing it you won't even think about it. Tammy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 17, 2002 Report Share Posted February 17, 2002 Hi Gerry: Our son, Steve, also started on Paxil when he was first dxed with OCD and MDD (major depressive disorder). Our kids often seem they do not have will power, but this is one of the cruel tricks of OCD. They have incredible power and determination just to face life everyday with OCD bossing them around. Also they learn to hide so many symptoms and their feelings, so we only notice the tip of the iceberg of what is happening. What kind of CBT did your daughter do? It is hard to find skillful CBT therapists who use the correct kind of CBT for OCD, this is E & RP (exposure and response prevention). Steve only got going with CBT on the third try so we learned never to give up. OFten he would say very negative things and if we believed them all we would have given up long ago. Basically he is a very determined guy and luckily we knew his basic personality even when OCD did its darndest to hide his personality and traits. One way we got Steve to be more motivated (yes, it did seem to us back then he wasn't) was to make sure we never protected him in any way from the harsh reality of how OCD was bossing him around. This takes a lot of determination as we want to protect our kids from the harsh realities of life. Also we appealed to his strengths and how he had succeeded against hard times before OCD came on the scene. Have you had your daughter checked out for other comorbid disorders. Most of our kids have more than OCD going on. Steve has OCD, MDD and probably PTSD, and was considered ODD at one stage (probably just untreated OCD). What you write about your daughter makes me wonder a bit about social anxiety disorder which is a very common comorbidity with OCD. I am not a doc, just and OCD mom, but you might want to discuss this with your daughter's p-doc. There is so much hope for our kids as their brains are very plastic and they are so much more resilient than adults. Please keep posting about how your daughter is doing, take care, aloha, kathy (h) kathyh@... - -- In @y..., " nemeton54 " <nemeton54@a...> wrote: > We would be most grateful if anyone could respond to our questions > and concerns for our 12 year old daughter. She has been diagnosed for > a one year now with contamination OCD and is on paxol. We did about 6 > mths of CBT without major results. How do you get a child without > much will power to do the challenges each night? How do you help an > immature child to take responsibility for her own actions regarding > ocd behaviors? We are now presenting social issues at school with > friends: ie:Our daughter is putting the blame on a friend because she > didn't stop her from washing her hands. Breaking out into angry rages > against her friends when the anxiety builds up. Being very possessive > of her friends and jealous if her friend speaks to anyone else. It is > almost too much of an effort to be a friend to our daughter! > There are some signs of paranoia---If two friends are talking, our > daughter assumes they are talking about her. If her friend speaks to > someone else she must be right there. > Could any of this be medication, side effects of OCD another issue > to face, girls in general at this age???????? Thanks very much for > any response you might offer. Sincerely, Gerry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 17, 2002 Report Share Posted February 17, 2002 Hi Gerry: Our son, Steve, also started on Paxil when he was first dxed with OCD and MDD (major depressive disorder). Our kids often seem they do not have will power, but this is one of the cruel tricks of OCD. They have incredible power and determination just to face life everyday with OCD bossing them around. Also they learn to hide so many symptoms and their feelings, so we only notice the tip of the iceberg of what is happening. What kind of CBT did your daughter do? It is hard to find skillful CBT therapists who use the correct kind of CBT for OCD, this is E & RP (exposure and response prevention). Steve only got going with CBT on the third try so we learned never to give up. OFten he would say very negative things and if we believed them all we would have given up long ago. Basically he is a very determined guy and luckily we knew his basic personality even when OCD did its darndest to hide his personality and traits. One way we got Steve to be more motivated (yes, it did seem to us back then he wasn't) was to make sure we never protected him in any way from the harsh reality of how OCD was bossing him around. This takes a lot of determination as we want to protect our kids from the harsh realities of life. Also we appealed to his strengths and how he had succeeded against hard times before OCD came on the scene. Have you had your daughter checked out for other comorbid disorders. Most of our kids have more than OCD going on. Steve has OCD, MDD and probably PTSD, and was considered ODD at one stage (probably just untreated OCD). What you write about your daughter makes me wonder a bit about social anxiety disorder which is a very common comorbidity with OCD. I am not a doc, just and OCD mom, but you might want to discuss this with your daughter's p-doc. There is so much hope for our kids as their brains are very plastic and they are so much more resilient than adults. Please keep posting about how your daughter is doing, take care, aloha, kathy (h) kathyh@... - -- In @y..., " nemeton54 " <nemeton54@a...> wrote: > We would be most grateful if anyone could respond to our questions > and concerns for our 12 year old daughter. She has been diagnosed for > a one year now with contamination OCD and is on paxol. We did about 6 > mths of CBT without major results. How do you get a child without > much will power to do the challenges each night? How do you help an > immature child to take responsibility for her own actions regarding > ocd behaviors? We are now presenting social issues at school with > friends: ie:Our daughter is putting the blame on a friend because she > didn't stop her from washing her hands. Breaking out into angry rages > against her friends when the anxiety builds up. Being very possessive > of her friends and jealous if her friend speaks to anyone else. It is > almost too much of an effort to be a friend to our daughter! > There are some signs of paranoia---If two friends are talking, our > daughter assumes they are talking about her. If her friend speaks to > someone else she must be right there. > Could any of this be medication, side effects of OCD another issue > to face, girls in general at this age???????? Thanks very much for > any response you might offer. Sincerely, Gerry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 26, 2002 Report Share Posted October 26, 2002 In a message dated 10/26/2002 1:41:09 PM Pacific Daylight Time, northnr@... writes: > Hi everyone. I am wondering how your child's social goals are written?I > guess I am having one of those bad days where I could just make kids > befriend . I have gotten her into Special Olympics bowling for > social interaction but that has only proved to be bowling and nothing else. > There are no girls on the team that are her age. Well there is one but she > is in remission for leukemia and it seems like her parents dont want any > other kids to come near her let alone play with her. I have also gotten her > into girls scouts which she loves. The leader approached me two years ago > and said that she would love to have her in the troop. This has only > resulted in and her sister seeing her troop members at meetings > only. No invites Are familiar with " Circle of Friends? " - Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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