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Well, this is a new one on me...

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Well, this is a new one on me... it has to do with our kids and

friendships and an incident that has recently occurred. Hope I

handled it alright.

A new boy moved into our school a few weeks ago and he and my son,

age 12, seemed to hit it off. They were together frequently after

school and such; so I thought that was kind of nice. The boy, at

first glance, I assumed was much older... more the size of a grade 9,

but according to my son (who is tall), the other boy is 2 months

younger; so he must just be large for his age.

I asked my son the usual questions a parent would ask about a new boy

that you don't have history with: How is he getting on with the other

kids? Are they nice to him, etc. Son told me some were, while others

not so much. So, I thought, okay, sounds fairly typical; glad they

found a friendship in each other.

Then, week before last, while the boy was over something went

missing. Our son's younger brother who shares a room had left his

wallet out on his bed. He and his dad went toy shopping and when our

younger son went to pay, his money was gone. At home, we searched

high and low. My sons have to earn their money: chores, paper routes,

etc. so this was his hard-earned money that he'd been saving for a

particular item.

Well, with no proof, there was little to be done. My husband felt bad

for our younger son and took the loss himself. We did chide our son

for leaving his money out, but after-all, it was in his room where

things should be considered 'safe' and honestly, I leave my purse in

plain sight. I have had no difficulities with trusting my children's

friends in the past. Anyhow, just to put the bug in the boy's ear, I

did say to him the next time he was over: " Our son is missing his

money and we just can't figure out what happened to it. You wouldn't

happened to have seen ---- wallet, or moved it? " He answered, " Oh, I

saw it. I moved it to a shelf off the bed, but I didn't touch the

money. " (Okay...)

Then, on Friday, there were a couple of boys over; my youngest son's

long-time friend and my older son's new friend. There was a

disturbance upstairs; shouting and such. I heard my younger son call

down to his older brother that a toy was missing (something his

grandfather had made) and so I called all the boys down. The new boy

and my older son went out the door to deliver newspapers. Then, my

younger son and his friend came to me and told me that the new boy

was alone in the bedroom with the other friend, took the toy, put it

into his front pocket and put his shirt over it. The older friend

called him on it and that is what the commotion was all about. The

new boy apparently threw the toy at the other boy, punched him in the

leg and that was when everyone came downstairs. When my husband got

home, he also telephoned the boy - the friend that we have known for

some time - to ensure the story was correct.

When my older son arrived home with his new friend, we asked him to

go to his room where his brother was playing. We then asked the new

boy to come sit down with us. I asked him, " Can you tell me what

happened with the toy? " He said, they were all playing with

it. " Anything else? " (pause) I was joking around, he said. So, I

said, " Well, you know, this doesn't look good on you. I mentioned

that our youngest son's money was missing a week ago. No one else was

here besides you at the time. Then, today, the toy... Can you see how

this might have us questioning you? " I said, " Do you want to think

about things for a bit and then talk to us? " Apparently, there was

nothing futher to be said. So, we told the boy that it was time for

him to leave for the evening and he would need think things over

before coming back.

Gosh, I hated being in this position, BUT... It was my husband that

pointed out to me: " What if he is at the store one day with that boy

and he steals something? It will not matter whether our son is

oblivious to the fact, he will still look guilty for being with him.

That scares me. That was why we chose to speak to the boy. We don't

have proof of the money, but he definitely did take the toy and was

caught.

I feel badly for our son too. We asked him how he felt and he simply

answered that he was " surprised " . I also feel badly for the boy. I

must be hard to come to a new school in grade 6, be the biggest in

the class... and honestly, I haven't known him long enough to be able

to decipher whether or not he may have extenuating 'issues' going on

himself (my son seems to be drawn to other AS-seeming kids). I just

feel crummy. Did I handle this right? I thought about calling the

parents, but my husband notes that we really do not have proof and we

don't know anything about their parenting style. I could easily

forgive the boy if only he came forward. I would not even expect any

money be returned, but I can't forget dishonesty alongside the issue.

Sign me, sad mom.

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