When schools don't help....advice welcome

[Guest guest]

My son has aspergers and ADD as well as other PDD's from what the

psychologist has discovered. We live in a small town and have been

trying for years to get some help from our school system and nothing

has ever been done. Our son has trouble with reading and anything

related to reading. None of his problems in school have been

disciplinary unless involving the class bully. We have been lied to..

avoided and recently sued for neglect. Because of sleep disorders as

well as throat and ear infections and stomach problems, our son has a

history of bad attendance. We have tried many times to cooperate with

the school on this issue but to no avail. They claim it is a

discipline issue and nothing else. (I was even told if he didn't sleep

the night before.. send him in .. and the teacher would let him sleep

for 15 minutes in the afternoon during social studies)...Admitting to

a possibility of a disorder would require more involvement and money

on their end, something they are renown for avoiding.

We have tried on our own and with our physicians help to get

outside evaluations and such, but do to no money and an insurance that

doesn't cover it...no evaluation had been done. ( We asked for an IEP

and were told only after he was in school with perfect attendance for

3 months..) My plans were homeschooling next year, and made the

mistake of letting this slip to his principal. (Our schools have lost

over 300 students , since a new 'school of choice' law was passed.

They all attend schools in nearby towns, though they still live here.)

Recently, because of the desperate state of our situation, (possibly

losing our child) we started fishing harder then ever before. We

received court papers on a Friday afternoon in the mail telling us we

were being sued for neglect and given 1 week to prepare. That week

being spring break which made it impossible for us to gather any

school info of any kind in our defense.

I started calling anyone I could in a panic. An O.T. had told us she

was convinced our son had SID and possibly Aspergers. I was desperate

enough I started calling people like CAUSE .. BRAINS and other autism

advocates. By some miracle we received the name of a psychologist who

specializes in autism and would work with our insurance company. We

borrowed money and a decent car and drove 3 hours each way and paid

$536.00 to be told that our child was " probably " an aspie as well as

having signs of ADD and other PDD's. His only reason for not giving us

a legal diagnosis was the discrepancy between his observation of our

son and the test given my husband and I.

I'm sure many of you can understand what happened. First, my son

knew where he was going and was extremely anxious about it. Many

people said we were stupid for telling him. But a surpri se like that

could have set off hours of drama. Second, he couldn't sleep the night

before the trip.. not unusual, but in this case no secret as to why.

Third he slept the whole 3 hours down and then was in a stupor the

entire time he was in the office.

He also was determined that it wasn't a good idea, there is NOTHING

wrong with him, can we just go home, " I'll clean up dog poo in the

yard.. " etc... As he continued to rock his body into my shoulder

repeatedly while I filled out paperwork. He did NOT want to be there

and was determined to prove us wrong, or bribe us into leaving.

However... despite his best efforts, the Doctor could still tell he

was, because to someone who knows ... it's very apparent. Or so I was

told.

But that test! I'm sure many, If not ALL of you have taken that

test. I didn't know exactly what it was for, but I answered it

honestly. It was True and False and very unforgiving. I answered

honestly but according to our answers, our son should be a raving psycho.

Which of course he did NOT resemble in the slightest this day,

although he has had his moments. I honestly wasn't trying to imply any

such thing. But, my son doesn't have friends. All of his experiences

with other children that I witness is at home with siblings. And of

course ALL kids are worse at home and everything more intense.

He is the youngest of 4. All of his other siblings being physically

attractive and popular and talented in " popular " ways. He is a great

vocalist, is a natural at sports and absolutely beautiful. But he has

no venue to show his talents, is overweight and thinks he's ugly. No

amount of assurance on our part helps. And is basically a pain in the

behind to his older siblings or so they say. I have been labeled as

someone who spoils him by everyone. As a mom I deal with all my kids

separately in the manner best for them. I give orders to the other 3

with occasional explanations and use logic with him. It works better,

keeps the drama level low and makes life more bearable. (((example, my

daughter wants something at the store, I say " no " ... she knows no is

no..If he asks for something, I say " No " he says " why? " .. I say " not

enough money " he says " but!!. " I say.. " sorry ... hmm you have any

money? " he says " nO " I say " SHOOT... hmm maybe next time. " . and 5

minutes later he forgets. Of course sometimes I get a 10 minute

explanation about how this or that movie or toy etc.. is more

important than dinner...)))

Our house is a constant battlefield. And jealousy is an issue. Our

son likes things a certain way.. and of course his siblings do stuff

intentionally to make him mad, then get upset when he goes postal on

them, and say I need to and I quote... " get him some ridlin " " lock him

in a padded room " etc.. But if they leave him alone and don't disturb

him, he is completely content, although he longs for real friends.

But my answers, although truthful were too many " TRUE " to be

believable. The Doctor said he believes us, but a court would not.

It's not that either of us (the doctor and I) were right or wrong, but

that our results were too far apart in intensity.

So now we face court on Monday. Given no lawyer, no defense and no

legal diagnosis, we will be forced to walk in with our tails between

our legs and promise to be good parents and get him to school, kicking

and screaming or even when he's ill. He missed 33 days, most with

physician's notes and their reasoning is he can't read well because he

has missed to much school.

This has been a nightmare. All we want is help for our son and instead

we are being crucified as neglectful parents. I had to listen to his

guardian adlitum threaten him and warn him that if he is not a good

boy.. " mommy and daddy can go to jail and he will need to tell the

judge to take him away from us " , and that all this was his fault. And

he would not even listen to anything we had to say. I couldn't even

counter what he said, for risk of angering him and pushing his opinion

against us.

I know this has been a long post, but I feel so lost. I can use any

advice that any of you have. Or even any stories of similar

experiences. I wait to hear from you.. Thanks