Re: I've had enough!

[Guest guest]

AMEN!

On Nov 13, 2005, at 10:38 PM, SUSAN MASON wrote:

> Several former national officers including Margulies and

> Carten

> have been so intent on the way thing used to be done that they

> won't open

> their minds to new, fresh ideas.

[Guest guest]

Who really cares. I liked what Matt and his band of ?? (whatever

Tony called them) did under 'vicious' attack and I like what the

others are doing now under the same politics that apprarently have

been in LPA from the beginning of time.

Just so long as they keep putting on a good conference and sending

us newsletters and keep their internal politics to yourself. Every

organization has those and LPA is no different.

Darrin

> Several former national officers including Margulies and

Carten

> have been so intent on the way thing used to be done that they

won't open

> their minds to new, fresh ideas.

[Guest guest]

I think that's kinda crappy of you to say. For you to only care about

newsletters and conferences and not care about people being hurt.. being

fired.. etc. That's rather inconsiderate of you..

Amy

Re: I've had enough!

> Who really cares. I liked what Matt and his band of ?? (whatever

> Tony called them) did under 'vicious' attack and I like what the

> others are doing now under the same politics that apprarently have

> been in LPA from the beginning of time.

>

> Just so long as they keep putting on a good conference and sending

> us newsletters and keep their internal politics to yourself. Every

> organization has those and LPA is no different.

>

> Darrin

>

>

>

>

>> Several former national officers including Margulies and

> Carten

>> have been so intent on the way thing used to be done that they

> won't open

>> their minds to new, fresh ideas.

>

>

>

>

>

> ===

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/11/2008 08:15:11 GMT Standard Time, leannalp@...

writes:

Do you ever get REALLY tired of the people who supposedly

know/love/care about you & your child(ren) and then they make the

most idiotic statements that you know NO amount of teaching is going

to get through to them, so the only option you have is slapping some

sense into them?

>>Oh yes, and a MIL who thought it was HER job to slap my son, she has been

banned from my house and seeing my ASD son now, he won't miss it for sure

Mandi x

[Guest guest]

I've been feeling a bit stressed lately too. My MIL says my DH was just like

my DS and he did fine when he went to school, blah blah blah (they're not

ASD - they had/have behavioral problems). Sorry lady, but DH has asthma and

allergies and can't even go several hours without needing albuterol. I know

that there are things I can do to prevent asthma/allergies, and if I'm not

following the protocol and my DS does ever come down with it, I have no one

else to blame but me (and the junk food that she gives my DS).

Everytime DS acts up, he usually has dark circles under his eyes, and he had

too much dairy in the last few days. When I mention it to my ILs they say

it's just lack of sleep. I'm anal when it comes to sleep, and I make sure he

gets plenty of sleep, so I know it's not that.

I'm trying to help out my SIL with her 2 girls w/ asthma, allergies, and one

of them horrible food allergies. I at least got her to start trying

supplements, but she keeps mentioning she has no money (not true - they have

many areas where they can cut down on expenses). It's like her kids' health

are not worth the money. And OMG, and her house is junk food galore... I

hate bringing my DS over there because that's all he'll eat there! I'm sure

she'll think differently once she starts seeing differences.

Sorry I had to vent too. I don't have one-liners or anything since I don't

get those comments because my DH was the same way, so I'm lucky in that

regards. You could always just explain briefly why you do the things you do

- i.e. I don't believe in spanking, I'd rather be safe than sorry when it

comes to safety issues, he is already receiving services, he has a

neurological disorder which cannot be cured by behaviroal modification, and

it's not psychological disorder, etc.

You can always print out a little handout with all your responses and all

the measures you're taking now, and refer them to read a few books if they

want to understand it more.

[Guest guest]

What great one-liners do you have for people that are not really

involved in your lives and really don't care to be but have a

personal opinion about all things autism - and you just want them

fall of the planet?

Hi Le

My line (which I've not had to use often I must admit) is:

" You know, I think the scientists researched that and found it didn't work,

but I'll pass it on to the Autism Research Institute for you. Thanks. "

Keep your chin up

:-)

[Guest guest]

> 1) You know, if you just brought your child(ren) to more functions,

> they'll get over their temper tantrums and behave

They already attend school, ST, OT, PT, social skills class, [list

whatever else]. Which other functions are you recommending?

Are you volunteering to bring them to these additional functions?

> 2) I don't know WHY you run around after your kids all the time.

> They ARE 3 years old now and you should just be able to sit and watch

> them from a distance - they need to learn independence

Can I bring them to YOUR house and then not directly supervise them?

I sure could use the break.

> 3) You know, there ARE services out there to help you - you should go

> & research it

I am already doing [see list above]. Which additional services would

you recommend?

> 4) You shouldn't let them get away with so much. A good swat on the

> behind or their legs will get their attention.

When my son was approx 6yo, he dropped to the floor and began kicking

and screaming. I was in line at a health food store. The lady behind

me said " that child needs more discipline " . I turned around and told

her " he has viral encephalitis caused by vaccinations. He doesn't

talk. If you have any ideas on discipline that would work for him, I

would love to hear what you recommend. As you can tell, he can be

very difficult. "

She went to another line at the store LOL

A lady in my local support group tells the store of a similar

situation. She went up to the person who made a similar comment,

introduced herself with a big smile on her face, and said " my son has

autism, and I hear you have some expert advice on that condition. I

would love to hear it. " That lady also went to another line at the

store LOL

> What great one-liners do you have for people that are not really

> involved in your lives and really don't care to be but have a

> personal opinion about all things autism - and you just want them

> fall of the planet?

Ask if they are offering to take your child for a few hours, because

you need the break. Or, ask for their specific ideas for your child's

specific medical condition.

Dana

[Guest guest]

This absolutely hit home for me.  My boys are VERY sensory seeking and have no

fear of anything.  They love to run around and get into everything. They love to

grab at dangling cords or grab cups full of water, juice, etc and pour it every

where, they love anything sensory!  So, any where we go that is not and

Garrett proof, I follow one boy around and my husband follows the other.  If we

cannt follow them, we are holding them in our lap or they are in our stroller. 

Oh, how I get tired of the comments " Just let them go.  They will be fine. "   Or

" They can't hurt anything "   I know one time I finally told this elderly lady who

kept telling me to quit following Garrett around that I was not worried about

her house getting hurt, I was worried about Garrett getting hurt. 

 

It is frustrating when people don't understand and make thier comments!

 

Dana

From: danasview <danasview@...>

Subject: Re: I've had enough!

Date: Monday, November 10, 2008, 9:40 AM

> 1) You know, if you just brought your child(ren) to more functions,

> they'll get over their temper tantrums and behave

They already attend school, ST, OT, PT, social skills class, [list

whatever else]. Which other functions are you recommending?

Are you volunteering to bring them to these additional functions?

> 2) I don't know WHY you run around after your kids all the time.

> They ARE 3 years old now and you should just be able to sit and watch

> them from a distance - they need to learn independence

Can I bring them to YOUR house and then not directly supervise them?

I sure could use the break.

> 3) You know, there ARE services out there to help you - you should go

> & research it

I am already doing [see list above]. Which additional services would

you recommend?

> 4) You shouldn't let them get away with so much. A good swat on the

> behind or their legs will get their attention.

When my son was approx 6yo, he dropped to the floor and began kicking

and screaming. I was in line at a health food store. The lady behind

me said " that child needs more discipline " . I turned around and told

her " he has viral encephalitis caused by vaccinations. He doesn't

talk. If you have any ideas on discipline that would work for him, I

would love to hear what you recommend. As you can tell, he can be

very difficult. "

She went to another line at the store LOL

A lady in my local support group tells the store of a similar

situation. She went up to the person who made a similar comment,

introduced herself with a big smile on her face, and said " my son has

autism, and I hear you have some expert advice on that condition. I

would love to hear it. " That lady also went to another line at the

store LOL

> What great one-liners do you have for people that are not really

> involved in your lives and really don't care to be but have a

> personal opinion about all things autism - and you just want them

> fall of the planet?

Ask if they are offering to take your child for a few hours, because

you need the break. Or, ask for their specific ideas for your child's

specific medical condition.

Dana

[Guest guest]

When I get to that point, I visit the Mothers from Hell disability

advocates website

http://www.mothersfromhell2.org/index.html

<http://www.mothersfromhell2.org/index.html>

It's always good for a laugh or too.

IHTH

[Guest guest]

LeAna,

My personal favorite was my sister in law, last Christmas eve, right

in front of my daughter who has autism, " Well, if you'd just taught

her sign language, she'd be talking by now. " This from a woman who

sees us twice a year, NEVER asks how we are all doing with this

situation, has obviously not bothered to learn anything about the

disorder her NEICE is suffering from, and who obviously thinks said

neice is deaf and wouldn't hear or is incapable of understanding what

was said within her hearing.

My response to all these sorts of lovely folks we all run into far to

often:

" Autism is a brain-based medical condition, like alzheimers or

epilepsy. I sure hope you don't say things like that when you are in

the presence of people suffering from those conditions. And I

desperately hope you'll never be forced to care for someone with

autism. "

Not a one liner, I realize. But it's pretty succint and usually shuts

people right up.

[Guest guest]

Brilliant! I'm going to steal that one from you;) Susi

[Guest guest]

My sister who only has one " normal " girl, told me that all I have to do is

talk to my son and read to him and he will be fine. I personally have had

the hardest time with our families not being supportive or understanding,

but very ready to share some advise. I would love for them just to get to

know without looking for the negatives. My father in law recently hit

in the back of the head because he yelled when he had head phones on.

My FIL was sitting right next to him in the car and said it was because it

hurt his ears. Maybe what does that do to the spirit of a child. My FIL is

a great grandparent to the kids that are typical. It is heart breaking to

see all of this play out, but my FIL is an arrogant selfish man and his is

missing way more than he will ever know.

I have since told other parents that if they have boys (even if they are

typical) and some helpful person who has only typical girl gives them advice

they should ignore them.

I had 2 boys then 2 girls and I can tell you that am a fantastic parent if

you only look at my typical girls, but if you look at my boys you would say

I have not parented them. People have no clue until they walk in our shoes.

NO CLUE!!

Tama

Mom to C-ACC age 10 , Josh NF1 and 2 girls

[Guest guest]

>

> >My sister who only has one " normal " girl, told me that all I have to do is

> talk to my son and read to him and he will be fine.

That's a good one! My MIL to this day says that autism is caused by daycare

because they have no one they can connect and bond with. I try to explain

that's the old theory and that autism is not psychological. And that there

are biomedical evidence that shows it's from neurotoxins, but she still says

it every time autism is mentioned. She has a good heart - she really does,

but she makes up theories and truly believes in them. She also thinks

Miralax is godsend (long story). Starts to get a bit annoying...

[Guest guest]

My FIL never lets a visit / holiday go by without reminding us that we need

to separate our younger NT son from the older Aspie and let him play with

normal kids, so that he doesn't " pick up the weird behavior and becomes like

his brother " .

Christiane

[Guest guest]

I would say that the NT brother is likely helping the Aspie brother...ie. Monkey

see Monkey do! That's one that I use!

Re: I've had enough!

My FIL never lets a visit / holiday go by without reminding us that we need

to separate our younger NT son from the older Aspie and let him play with

normal kids, so that he doesn't " pick up the weird behavior and becomes like

his brother " .

Christiane

[Guest guest]

Thank you Dana, for your comments. I can relate to the " well they

attend xyz " as I homeschool my oldest (NT) and get that

whole " socialization " question continuously. Gr.

I've never really cared what people think about me - they can say and

do what they will to me and it rolls off. BUT when they want to get

stupid and say horrible things in front of my kids ABOUT my kids -

that's a whole other story. And I don't care WHO it is or WHERE we

are. It's worse if my DH is with me - I give him that " look " and he

takes the kids to the care while I " educate " the person who so

foolishly treaded where they shouldn't have.

I go back & forth between " educating " people, being sarcastic to not

responding to visions in my head of pummeling them to the ground.

Lack of sleep combined with sensory overload in the kids do NOT mix

well - LOL!

Strangers are easier to deal with than the ones that have known us

and see us every week. We have an ongoing issue with an opinionated

and uneducated person at church right now and that vision of

pummeling keeps coming to mind!

I guess as time goes on I will learn to discern which ones need the

education and disregard the wastes of breath or time.

Thanks again!

Le

[Guest guest]

I just had to respond to this topic. My SIL (who is my daughter's

godmother, does love my daughter, treats her like her own child) would say

" There isn't anything wrong with her. 2 of my kids act the same way "

BINGO! My point exactly! That's why I didn't let my daughter eat the

additives, colors etc. ( I had her on Feingold @ the time) I didn't let my

daughter drink Tab ( old diet soda) and iced coffee with extra extra. We also

were dairy free. My SIL and my mom would feel " bad " for her and " treat " her when

she was with them. I had to deal with the effects from the " treats " .

Today most of my SIL's grandchildren have DX issues. I think some might be

improved my diet and supplements. ( ADHD, LD, Sensory and speech)

My granddaughters have issues too. My oldest granddaughter does not

tolerate dairy & has sensory issues. The younger is lactose intolerant, has

reflux & shows some ADHD symptoms. Her speech is a little delayed. My DD ( age

30) and I (age 52) are both DX with ADHD

My daughter is going through the same issues with her ILs. They feel " bad "

that granddaughter, age 4 can't have pizza and ice cream. They " treat " her when

she visits. My granddaughter comes home suffering for 2 days of belly aches and

behavior issues. My ex-Son-I-L does not believe his children have lactose and

reflux problems (despite doctors DX to prove it). When my older granddaughter

rages, his mom says ( with a little smile) " Her dad has that temper, too " . He

has chosen to self medicate his anger with alcohol; isn't that a healthy

solution? ( The main reason he is an EX).

WHY do family and friends think they have all the answers? As if we are

not doing everything possible to help our children? I think people who have

done nothing are threatened by those of us who are more pro-active. In public,

unthinking people say stupid things. I love some of the quick answers folks have

given here. I am commiting them to memory. I am never able to think of a

response when I need one. Thanks so much to can!!!!

Thanks to for allowing me to add my venting. I have been holding onto this for

years!!!!

[Guest guest]

>

> Thank you Dana, for your comments. I can relate to the " well they

> attend xyz " as I homeschool my oldest (NT) and get that

> whole " socialization " question continuously. Gr.

I homeschool my kids also, and my answer to the socialization question

is: " We attend Boy Scouts, Cub Scouts, Girl Scouts, AWANA, fencing

lessons, piano lessons, sports class, dance class, camping trips,

community service projects, field trips, park days, [etc]. " Which

additional activities do you believe are required?

>>BUT when they want to get

> stupid and say horrible things in front of my kids ABOUT my kids -

> that's a whole other story.

Usually I will respond [also in front of my kids], " and why did you

believe it was necessary to make your non-productive remarks in front

of my children? " And sometimes I will add [also in front of my kids]

that I will use this opportunity to educate my kids in handling the

improper social behavior of others.

Dana

[Guest guest]

You know another comment that works well?

" Hmm, in public school, kids are told to be quiet and sit down. How is that

for socializing? " It either shuts them up or they ask more questions, to

which I can tell them about all my children's activities and field trips

with me and groups, or trips to the bank, post office, grocery store, etc.

In other words, my kids are pretty darn prepared for the 'real' world, what

socialization is better?

On Tue, Nov 11, 2008 at 7:53 AM, danasview <danasview@...> wrote:

>

> >

> > Thank you Dana, for your comments. I can relate to the " well they

> > attend xyz " as I homeschool my oldest (NT) and get that

> > whole " socialization " question continuously. Gr.

>

> I homeschool my kids also, and my answer to the socialization question

> is: " We attend Boy Scouts, Cub Scouts, Girl Scouts, AWANA, fencing

> lessons, piano lessons, sports class, dance class, camping trips,

> community service projects, field trips, park days, [etc]. " Which

> additional activities do you believe are required?

>

> >>BUT when they want to get

> > stupid and say horrible things in front of my kids ABOUT my kids -

> > that's a whole other story.

>

> Usually I will respond [also in front of my kids], " and why did you

> believe it was necessary to make your non-productive remarks in front

> of my children? " And sometimes I will add [also in front of my kids]

> that I will use this opportunity to educate my kids in handling the

> improper social behavior of others.

>

> Dana

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

> You know another comment that works well?

> " Hmm, in public school, kids are told to be quiet and sit down. How

is that

> for socializing? "

LOL I like this one!

=)

I am CONSTANTLY hearing comments from other parents, on how

well-behaved my children are. And my kids are not only homeschooled,

but they were all on spectrum in the past. They play well with other

kids, but they also know how to behave appropriately, in any situation.

Dana

[Guest guest]

It's been a while since I've posted. However, I've read through

items. This definitely is a common situation. I'm not sure I've come

up with any one liners, but things are almost more difficult now that

my child is somewhat recovered from metal poisoning and also some of

his other conditions are lessened.

Just yesterday someone demanded my aspie child to say thank you to his

sister for a treat out loud so 'she' could hear him. She being so

generous with the treat that my daughter was handing to my son gave

him a choice either that or give it back. He looked at her in that

way that seems rebellious, and then gave it back. Her comment was

that he mad a bad choice.

I let this all happen and smiled inwardly saying, " Good going kid

don't let her manipulate you when it wasn't her thank you to hear. "

Later my daughter gave it to him again and he said thanks like he

normally does very quietly. LOL

BTW- I like some of those responses!