Re: Homeschooling Group Discrimination???

[Guest guest]

Hi Michele,

I am sorry that you are going through this... but, the thing is, if it

was my daughter who got punched because she wanted to play with your

son... even if she was pulling on their arm and saying " Come on " ... I

wouldn't want my child to be around him. I would be afraid for her

safety... a lot of the parents in this group must have gotten together

and spoke about it... this sort of behavior endangers their kids. I

have been part of homeschool groups that have asked people to be more

present with their children... they get warnings, and then they are

asked to leave. It seems like they are following a procedure.

I have had instances where I have given up friendships with other

mothers because their children were violent... It seems as if this

behavior is unpredictable for the other kids... and as a parent, I

would be wary of having him around my girls. Sorry if that bothers

you... but why should other parents have to put up with your child who

lashes out?

I know it must be difficult to get him around other children to

play " nicely " ... but, really, this seems to be a problem you guys need

to work on with him... not a problem the group needs to " suck up " and

ignore. I am sure with therapy, this can be helped... either that, or

make sure that your husband is always within arms reach of him, so that

if " playing " gets out of hand, he can mediate.

When your child is 18, he will be an adult. He needs to learn how to

control his anger before someone really gets hurt...

JMO

Aubrey

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I'm sorry you're having to deal with that -- as a long time

homeschooler, I'm surprised, because homeschooling parents are typically

very laidback, understanding and compassionate. Many start homeschooling

because they run into difficult situations with their child, and it

makes them feel more empathetic towards others. But, I guess not all! (I

stopped homeschooling my younger kids last year, and now I only

homeschool a senior, so we don't do homeschool groups anymore.)

I too have a child that acts out. If someone was pulling his arm and

saying " come on, " and they didn't stop, they'd have to at least take

some responsibility for the reaction it caused, along with their

parents. I don't necessarily expect others to deal, but I do expect them

to understand the disability and not kick us out. It wouldn't be a

disability, after all, if we could fix it perfectly.

In a perfect world, we could work on these behaviors and make them go

away -- but this is autism. Maybe some people don't have issues getting

their children to behave (and maybe some have children who are younger

and haven't had to deal with an older child yet) but it's not that easy

for everyone. I may have missed it, but was there an opportunity for you

to give a quick lesson on autism and its behaviors? Were you given a

chance, or just tossed out before you had some time to see if there

wasn't any other last resort option?

Donna

Aubrey wrote:

>

> Hi Michele,

>

> I am sorry that you are going through this... but, the thing is, if it

> was my daughter who got punched because she wanted to play with your

> son... even if she was pulling on their arm and saying " Come on " ... I

> wouldn't want my child to be around him. I would be afraid for her

> safety... a lot of the parents in this group must have gotten together

> and spoke about it... this sort of behavior endangers their kids. I

> have been part of homeschool groups that have asked people to be more

> present with their children... they get warnings, and then they are

> asked to leave. It seems like they are following a procedure.

>

> I have had instances where I have given up friendships with other

> mothers because their children were violent... It seems as if this

> behavior is unpredictable for the other kids... and as a parent, I

> would be wary of having him around my girls. Sorry if that bothers

> you... but why should other parents have to put up with your child who

> lashes out?

>

> I know it must be difficult to get him around other children to

> play " nicely " ... but, really, this seems to be a problem you guys need

> to work on with him... not a problem the group needs to " suck up " and

> ignore. I am sure with therapy, this can be helped... either that, or

> make sure that your husband is always within arms reach of him, so that

> if " playing " gets out of hand, he can mediate.

>

> When your child is 18, he will be an adult. He needs to learn how to

> control his anger before someone really gets hurt...

>

> JMO

>

> Aubrey

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

>>There have been a couple of

> instances where my 9yr old has lashed out physically. He requires a

> certain level of personal space and there was a little girl in the

> group that does not understand this concept and kept at him (pushing

> & pulling 'come on, come on') and he hit her.

I explain to other kids that my son has certain " issues " , and give

them ideas on how to avoid them. I also personally supervise my son

[i am always watching him] about 99% of the time. If I notice any

problems, I immediately step in and resolve them.

I also tell my kids that if they are mean, other kids won't play with

them. So if they want to play with other kids, they have to be nice.

I will also " semi-supervise " other kids. For example, if another

child is not being nice, I will say loudly to my child " that boy is

not being nice, you don't have to play with him " . Most of the time,

altho not always, the other child will start behaving.

> In my heart I believe that the group is either not accepting of the

> role of my husband as prime homeschooler and do not want us in the

> group because of that or that although they said there was no problem

> with my PDD son have decided differently and looking for a reason to

> remove us from the group.

Then it is best to move on, to another group.

Dana