OT- looking for help for my other 2 nt kids

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I have a 13 year old nt son. He was 4 1/2 years old when I had my second child-

my, now, almost 9 year old severely asd son, . Up until then, he was the

only child- got all the attention, and he was little, so nothing was expected of

him. When was born, he was a VERY difficult baby, and has been a lot of

work his whole life- lots of attention ws taken away from my oldest. The

problem- 2 years later, I had my daughter, now just turned 7 years old, nt. More

attention taken away from my oldest- and more responsibility put on him, he is

older.

He hates my daughter- always has- I think he blames her for his loss of

attention and more responsibilities- and sees her getting to be little, which is

how he wants to be.

My daughter has always felt hate from him and hates him. I don't want the two of

them hating each other their whole lives. I have tried everything I can think

of- there is no reasoning with my oldest.

I don't know what to do- or if there is a group or website I can go on- I am

hoping there is someone who can give me some info.

I have thought of councilling- expensive.

Any ideas?

Thanks.