Homeschooling Group Discrimination???

[Guest guest]

I am the mother of 2 boys, an 11 yr old who is ADHD and a 9 yr old

PDD-NOS, ADHD, & anxiety issues. After some issues with the school

system we began homeschooling at the end of 2006. As homeschooling

parents, my dh and I have always tried to make sure the boys had

plenty of social interaction by joining groups and attending public

events (library/bookstore/etc.) The psychological arena has been of

almost no help whatsoever. The last psychologist we took our 9yr old

to said 'put him in more social situations' he needs to learn how to

solve his own social issues with practice. We joined a new

homeschool group in the beginning of November. When I spoke to the

president about joining I was extremely upfront about my son's issues

and the fact that my ds is the homeschooling parent (I work outside

the home and he is the SAH parent). I wanted to be clear that

neither item would be an issue for them before joining 1-because

there was a membership fee and 2- because the last thing my 'social

issue/anxiety' child needs is to be somewhere where they do not want

him. At the time the president said that they believed her ex-

stepson was PDD or somewhere on the spectrum and that there was a man

on their board of directors so neither would be a problem. She went

so far as to say that she was glad we were joining to be able to

learn more about the PDD-spectrum. There have been a couple of

instances where my 9yr old has lashed out physically. He requires a

certain level of personal space and there was a little girl in the

group that does not understand this concept and kept at him (pushing

& pulling 'come on, come on') and he hit her. There was another time

where there was a toy on the playground they use for PE and my ds

started to play with it and it obviously was someone individually's

toy and a group of children (6 boys) came up and knocked him to the

ground to get the toy back - again he hit them as a defense

mechanism. The one thing I have to say is that although he does not

have the ability to react to these types of situations in the what

would be considered 'correct' manner - he is not normally the

initiator of any type of conflict. By no means am I saying either

one of my children are perfect or have never started anything with

anyone, but it is not the norm. Well, yesterday my husband and I

received a letter from the new homeschool group outlining how he is

not in compliance with their bylaws (because of violence) and if it

happens again will be asked to leave the group. It spells out

clearly that they do not want 'school yard brawls'. It also states

an event the my husband (again who attends with my sons) never knew

anything about - they said my ds and another boy were pulling each

other's hair and someone else had to step in to stop the

altercation. #1- my dh never knew anything about this and #2 - the

question remains 'did the other child get a letter as well?'. This

has seemed to be the situation before with my ds. Other's

pick/antagonize/threaten him and he is not supposed to react or when

he does HE is the one in trouble not the other child/children

involved.

In my heart I believe that the group is either not accepting of the

role of my husband as prime homeschooler and do not want us in the

group because of that or that although they said there was no problem

with my PDD son have decided differently and looking for a reason to

remove us from the group. As best my dh and I can tell because the

group is a non-profit organization they fall under federal law for

discrimination and would need to comply with the American's with

Disabilities Act. I'm just tired of it always seeming like it's my

kid who's BAD - when he's 9 and how mature are you supposed to expect

him to be.

I'm sorry this was so long, but I would appreciate anyone's input on

this situation.

PS. When we signed up - the ID card that was issued was only issued

in my name and the email list (which I specifically told them to put

both my dh and I on) only comes to my email. All things that looking

back makes me wonder about the issue of him being the main

homeschooler as more of a problem than they wanted.