Guest guest Posted January 12, 2011 Report Share Posted January 12, 2011 Thank you Leah, I plan on checking out that book. We can never have too much information on parenting techniques. I hope you ended up having a better day. Despite the 300 mg of welbutrin I'm on, I still have my days where everything makes me want to cry. When my husband was deployed the last time, my dr added Effexor and Trasidone for a while. The trasidone was to help me sleep because I wasn't able to fall asleep or stay asleep for more than two hours. The lack of sleep was exasperating the situation. How are you sleeping ok? Are you able to get enough rest? If not, maybe you can talk to your dr about what to do to help you sleep better. I don't know, just a idea. I wish there was more advice I could offer. I will put you in my prayers and hope you head on an upward trend real soon! More <<hugs>>!! ne From: cmt263 <gina9431@...>Subject: ( ) Re: arguing Date: Wednesday, January 12, 2011, 9:26 AM Thank you for the parenting info! I am going to check those things out...sounds like things I can totally use!It sounds like you are working hard not only on your family but on yourself....be roud of youself for that!! It is always day by dayFor us, but I know I am not the best on focusing just on today!Take care!> > >> > > We have an Aspie son (12) and a son with Bipolar (10) and then a daughter (8) with Anxiety Disorder thrown in to the mix.> > > > > > AS son starts an argument out of EVERYTHING that comes out of his brother's mouth. I'm pretty sure he doesn't mean to start an argument. Tonight it was this: DD (8) put her chin on top of the water pitcher, and I said, "don't put your mouth on it." Son (AS) says, it is not your mouth. BP son is trying to defend my use of the term and AS son gets even more into it by saying, "so if I say 'my mouth,' I could really mean 'my foot?'" Obviously, AS son is trying to get us to use the correct terminology, but can't let it go, even after I have walked away from the table, annoyed that everyone is arguing, and BP son is obviously getting very escalated and even yelling. > > > > > > This is so frustrating.> > > > > > I'm having a bad day ~ just really weepy all day, and then the kids came home and things got worse.> > > > > > Leah> > >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2011 Report Share Posted January 19, 2011 You may not want to start a debate but you did put forth that behavior modification was bad for our kids and that's not true. I can't help wondering how that doesn't start a debate. Appropriately done, behavior therapy is done in a positive way and not done based on fear. We did a whole ABA program with our ds and none of it was fear based anything. We've had positive behavior plans at school that were all based on positive and not negative. People can want to go negative to punish behavior to change it, but you as a parent would have to agree to go with it. In the old days, negative behavior modification was used but since then, the focus has been on positive behavior interventions because science has proven that it works better that way. So I disagree that "behavior management" is bad for our kids at all. It's not. It's more about who is setting things up and how it's being handled that matter. I think anyone should really investigate whatever therapy or methodology they are interested in doing or using before they dive in. Roxanna "I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson ( ) Re: arguing Thanks to both of you. I neglected to mention that I, too, have bipolar. This make things tricky. I am on a cocktail of meds for mood stabilization including cymbalta for the depression side. My mood stabilizers (Lamictal and Abilify) were just increased about a month ago, and things were better for a bit, but now I'm in a downward trend again. We use a parenting model from the book "Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control" by Forbes and Post. They have each written numerous books since then and I've taken 's online parenting class. It is different than behavior modification. It works very well for our kids, working out our own "issues" first. Because if you don't deal with your stuff, your kids will bring it up in you and you'll be forced to deal with it then. Also, there is evidence that Behavior Management, although it can "work" can be fear based and our kids "obey" us out of fear, not from a place of wanting to be in a relationship with us. All that being said, and with this original topic of "arguing" I do not want to start an argument or even debate on parenting or whether behavior management or not is a good route for our kids. I just wanted to let you know where our family is coming from and offer any resources that may be out there. We also really like Positive Discipline by Jane . She has a website, too. I think it uses some of the same "meat" of Beyond Consequences and makes it more practical. It teaches our kids to "think for themselves," like one of you mentioned in the part about teaching our kids to be flexible. So far, I'm ok today, but felt weepy already when I wrote an email to my mother this morning...so I guess I'll see how today goes. Thanks for being there for me. Leah > > > > We have an Aspie son (12) and a son with Bipolar (10) and then a daughter (8) with Anxiety Disorder thrown in to the mix. > > > > AS son starts an argument out of EVERYTHING that comes out of his brother's mouth. I'm pretty sure he doesn't mean to start an argument. Tonight it was this: DD (8) put her chin on top of the water pitcher, and I said, "don't put your mouth on it." Son (AS) says, it is not your mouth. BP son is trying to defend my use of the term and AS son gets even more into it by saying, "so if I say 'my mouth,' I could really mean 'my foot?'" Obviously, AS son is trying to get us to use the correct terminology, but can't let it go, even after I have walked away from the table, annoyed that everyone is arguing, and BP son is obviously getting very escalated and even yelling. > > > > This is so frustrating. > > > > I'm having a bad day ~ just really weepy all day, and then the kids came home and things got worse. > > > > Leah > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2011 Report Share Posted January 19, 2011 ne From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Re: arguing Date: Wednesday, January 19, 2011, 11:06 AM You may not want to start a debate but you did put forth that behavior modification was bad for our kids and that's not true. I can't help wondering how that doesn't start a debate. Appropriately done, behavior therapy is done in a positive way and not done based on fear. We did a whole ABA program with our ds and none of it was fear based anything. We've had positive behavior plans at school that were all based on positive and not negative. People can want to go negative to punish behavior to change it, but you as a parent would have to agree to go with it. In the old days, negative behavior modification was used but since then, the focus has been on positive behavior interventions because science has proven that it works better that way. So I disagree that "behavior management" is bad for our kids at all. It's not. It's more about who is setting things up and how it's being handled that matter. I think anyone should really investigate whatever therapy or methodology they are interested in doing or using before they dive in. Roxanna"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson ( ) Re: arguing Thanks to both of you.I neglected to mention that I, too, have bipolar. This make things tricky. I am on a cocktail of meds for mood stabilization including cymbalta for the depression side. My mood stabilizers (Lamictal and Abilify) were just increased about a month ago, and things were better for a bit, but now I'm in a downward trend again.We use a parenting model from the book "Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control" by Forbes and Post. They have each written numerous books since then and I've taken 's online parenting class. It is different than behavior modification. It works very well for our kids, working out our own "issues" first. Because if you don't deal with your stuff, your kids will bring it up in you and you'll be forced to deal with it then. Also, there is evidence that Behavior Management, although it can "work" can be fear based and our kids "obey" us out of fear, not from a place of wanting to be in a relationship with us. All that being said, and with this original topic of "arguing" I do not want to start an argument or even debate on parenting or whether behavior management or not is a good route for our kids. I just wanted to let you know where our family is coming from and offer any resources that may be out there.We also really like Positive Discipline by Jane . She has a website, too. I think it uses some of the same "meat" of Beyond Consequences and makes it more practical. It teaches our kids to "think for themselves," like one of you mentioned in the part about teaching our kids to be flexible.So far, I'm ok today, but felt weepy already when I wrote an email to my mother this morning...so I guess I'll see how today goes. Thanks for being there for me.Leah> >> > We have an Aspie son (12) and a son with Bipolar (10) and then a daughter (8) with Anxiety Disorder thrown in to the mix.> > > > AS son starts an argument out of EVERYTHING that comes out of his brother's mouth. I'm pretty sure he doesn't mean to start an argument. Tonight it was this: DD (8) put her chin on top of the water pitcher, and I said, "don't put your mouth on it." Son (AS) says, it is not your mouth. BP son is trying to defend my use of the term and AS son gets even more into it by saying, "so if I say 'my mouth,' I could really mean 'my foot?'" Obviously, AS son is trying to get us to use the correct terminology, but can't let it go, even after I have walked away from the table, annoyed that everyone is arguing, and BP son is obviously getting very escalated and even yelling. > > > > This is so frustrating.> > > > I'm having a bad day ~ just really weepy all day, and then the kids came home and things got worse.> > > > Leah> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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