Ready to burn out

[Guest guest]

I am a single mom and also run a daycare out of my home. I am currently struggling on finding time for me.

My day begins at 6am with a shower. Then daycare children show up. While day care children are arriving I am getting my children sorted for school - which with my daughter ends up in a huge melt down. As the day progresses I have not had a day where the school does not call me due to issues that have arrose with my daughter. Through out the week I have appointments for my daughter - speech, ot, etc in which I take her. In the evenings her melt downs are worse and I end up with her screaming, banging, and kicking her brothers - all while parents are coming to pick up their children. ( I am so thankful that the parents of the daycare children are understanding with my daughter). By the end of the day I get the kids in bed and I start studying for college (which I am attending full time online).

I am seriously struggling with finding time for me. I am at my wits end. Please do you have any suggestions.

Thanks.

[Guest guest]

I don't have any suggestions, but as a single mom who homeschools, goes to

college and helps take care of a disabled adult you havemy sympathy. Feel free

to email me directly.

Becky

--- Original Message ---

From: " DeGraff " <reneendegraff@...>

Sent:Wed 2/17/10 4:53 pm

Subj:( ) Ready to burn out

I am a single mom and also run a daycare out of my home. I am currently

struggling on finding time for me.

 

My day begins at 6am with a shower. Then daycare children show up. While day

care children are arriving I am getting my children sorted for school - which

with my daughter ends up in a huge melt down. As the day progresses I have not

had a day where the school does not call me due to issues that have arrose with

my daughter. Through out the week I have appointments for my daughter - speech,

ot, etc in which I take her. In the evenings her melt downs are worse and I end

up with her screaming, banging, and kicking her brothers - all while parents are

coming to pick up their children. ( I am so thankful that the parents of the

daycare children are understanding with my daughter). By the end of the day I

get the kids in bed and I start studying for college (which I am attending full

time online).

 

I am seriously struggling with finding time for me. I am at my wits end. Please

do you have any suggestions.

 

Thanks.

[Guest guest]

First, I would cut the college classes to part time at least until things settle down to a routine with your dd. This is just because you are burning the candle at both ends!

Second, you need to learn more about your rights and your dd's rights at school. Does she have an IEP? They have no business calling you daily to deal with things. But some schools do just that! So you need to learn how to get them to implement a process to fix the problem(s). What they should be doing is bringing in a behavioral expert to assess your dd's behaviors/problems and figure out what the cause is and how to fix them. Each problem has to be looked at to figure out why it is happening and how to fix it since the solution is not a "one size fits all." If she has the right accommodations in place and a behavior plan that is appropriate to her needs, she should do a lot better and they won't be calling you up every day. So you need to request a "functional behavior assessment" in writing and request that this be done by someone who has experience with autism and is an expert in behavior. Many schools try to save money and have the school psychologist do these assessments. Some may even be capable and good at doing these, but some are never trained or have little knowledge about behavioral psychology, autism and how to write up a behavior plan. In that case, they tend to blame the kid for being "bad" and propose punishments vs. understanding the cause of the behavior and proposing solutions. Or they write up a BP that is just never going to work because they have unrealistic expectations or do not understand how we can change behaviors in a positive manner. So you have to advocate for this to get done! The FBA is done first, then a behavior plan is completed. You can google these to get ideas as to what they are and how they work. You can go to www.wrightslaw.com to learn more about the law and how to advocate to get what you need.

Third, you need to do some work of your own as to why your dd is falling apart in the morning and at night. The behavioral psychologist should be able to help you put together a morning and evening plan and help you figure out why she is falling apart so that you can implement changes or accommodations that will help her get through it, and then you can have some PEACE!!! And if you know why she is falling apart at certain times, you can tell us and I know a lot of people will be able to share what they have tried for that specific problem.

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

( ) Ready to burn out

I am a single mom and also run a daycare out of my home. I am currently struggling on finding time for me.

My day begins at 6am with a shower. Then daycare children show up. While day care children are arriving I am getting my children sorted for school - which with my daughter ends up in a huge melt down. As the day progresses I have not had a day where the school does not call me due to issues that have arrose with my daughter. Through out the week I have appointments for my daughter - speech, ot, etc in which I take her. In the evenings her melt downs are worse and I end up with her screaming, banging, and kicking her brothers - all while parents are coming to pick up their children. ( I am so thankful that the parents of the daycare children are understanding with my daughter). By the end of the day I get the kids in bed and I start studying for college (which I am attending full time online).

I am seriously struggling with finding time for me. I am at my wits end. Please do you have any suggestions.

Thanks.

[Guest guest]

Keep things as calm as possible for her in the morning before school. geo

- ( ) Ready to burn out

I am a single mom and also run a daycare out of my home. I am currently

struggling on finding time for me.

 

My day begins at 6am with a shower. Then daycare children show up. While day

care children are arriving I am getting my children sorted for school - which

with my daughter ends up in a huge melt down. As the day progresses I have not

had a day where the school does not call me due to issues that have arrose with

my daughter. Through out the week I have appointments for my daughter - speech,

ot, etc in which I take her. In the evenings her melt downs are worse and I end

up with her screaming, banging, and kicking her brothers - all while parents are

coming to pick up their children. ( I am so thankful that the parents of the

daycare children are understanding with my daughter). By the end of the day I

get the kids in bed and I start studying for college (which I am attending full

time online).

 

I am seriously struggling with finding time for me. I am at my wits end. Please

do you have any suggestions.

 

Thanks.

[Guest guest]

I cant change my college schedule until the next one begins

My dd is 9 years old. She has a diagnosis of Aspergers/High Functioning Autism with a secondary diagnosis of ADHD. I dont see ADHD as she can sit in her classroom taking a math test for 3 hours with 25 other children and get 100%. She has huge pragmatic language delays and huge sensory issues.

My dd meltdowns in the morning are mainly because she is not choosing weather appropriate clothing (wanting to wear summer colthes in 40 degree weather) which I am trying to get modified, or she is choosing skirts on days she has PE.

I have tried to get her to choose clothes the night before - then in the morning she wants something different. I have bought spandex shorts for her to wear under skirts. I have tried tights. I have also gotten leg warmers for her to wear with capri's or skirts on non PE days. She does not like seams or tags on her skin. For some reason she refuses to wear jeans (yet in the summer she will want to wear them and long sleaves to keep clean).

The school is working on an IEP. The next meeting is the end of March. Until then the school wont change what they are doing. The school has until the meeting in the end of March to get the FBA done as well as many other tests.

Her meltdowns in the evenings - most often they are because of what happened at school. I get yelled at, hit, screamed at. I try talking with her and get no where. I have tried having her write down her thoughts - she began tearng up the paper or throwing it at me. At dinner time she always wants more. If I give her as much as she wants she will get overweight fast. I offer fruits ofter dinner, but she wants candy or ice cream (which I just dont do for any of my kids). She has a melt down over taking baths or showers (which I just dont understand).

I am waiting for DT to start. They said that they will help with afterschool and evenings. I have called them every day for the past week and have not recieved a call back. I am at my wits end waiting for them to let me know when they will start.

Thank you everyone.

From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Ready to burn out Date: Thursday, February 18, 2010, 12:28 AM

First, I would cut the college classes to part time at least until things settle down to a routine with your dd. This is just because you are burning the candle at both ends! Second, you need to learn more about your rights and your dd's rights at school. Does she have an IEP? They have no business calling you daily to deal with things. But some schools do just that! So you need to learn how to get them to implement a process to fix the problem(s). What they should be doing is bringing in a behavioral expert to assess your dd's behaviors/problems and figure out what the cause is and how to fix them. Each problem has to be looked at to figure out why it is happening and how to fix it since the solution is not a "one size fits all." If she has the right accommodations in place and a behavior plan that is appropriate to her needs, she

should do a lot better and they won't be calling you up every day. So you need to request a "functional behavior assessment" in writing and request that this be done by someone who has experience with autism and is an expert in behavior. Many schools try to save money and have the school psychologist do these assessments. Some may even be capable and good at doing these, but some are never trained or have little knowledge about behavioral psychology, autism and how to write up a behavior plan. In that case, they tend to blame the kid for being "bad" and propose punishments vs. understanding the cause of the behavior and proposing solutions. Or they write up a BP that is just never going to work because they have unrealistic expectations or do not understand how we can change behaviors in a positive manner. So you have to advocate for this to get done! The FBA is done first, then a behavior plan is

completed. You can google these to get ideas as to what they are and how they work. You can go to www.wrightslaw. com to learn more about the law and how to advocate to get what you need. Third, you need to do some work of your own as to why your dd is falling apart in the morning and at night. The behavioral psychologist should be able to help you put together a morning and evening plan and help you figure out why she is falling apart so that you can implement changes or accommodations that will help her get through it, and then you can have some PEACE!!! And if you know why she is falling apart at certain times, you can tell us and I know a lot of people will be able to share what they have tried for that specific problem.

Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

( ) Ready to burn out

I am a single mom and also run a daycare out of my home. I am currently struggling on finding time for me.

My day begins at 6am with a shower. Then daycare children show up. While day care children are arriving I am getting my children sorted for school - which with my daughter ends up in a huge melt down. As the day progresses I have not had a day where the school does not call me due to issues that have arrose with my daughter. Through out the week I have appointments for my daughter - speech, ot, etc in which I take her. In the evenings her melt downs are worse and I end up with her screaming, banging, and kicking her brothers - all while parents are coming to pick up their children. ( I am so thankful that the parents of the daycare children are understanding with my daughter). By the end of the day I get the kids in bed and I start studying for college (which I am attending full time online).

I am seriously struggling with finding time for me. I am at my wits end. Please do you have any suggestions.

Thanks.

[Guest guest]

I don't have much advice, but I wanted you to know I feel for you. I'm also a single mom of 2 (my oldest, Dylan, has Aspergers.) I have a fulltime job and both of my children play soccer, which means practice twice a week for each and games on Saturdays. My son is also in the band (he's 13) so that means practices, concerts, fundraising events, etc... Last semester I was back in school, working on my MBA, and I earned a 4.0 (shocker!) In December though, I decided that school had to go, for now. It was just too much to handle. I gained 20 pounds in 4 months and felt disconnected from my children when I was back in school. I also have supportive parents who live about 10 minutes away so I had help, but it was still too much. That's me, though. I'm not encouraging you to drop out of school. I have a friend whose husband is in the military and gone for

weeks at a time, often, and she feels like a single mom. She's going to school, full-time online and has 3 boys (one w/ special needs.) She somehow manages to make it work. One thing we committed to believing was that a "B" was okay, if that's what we earned. I'm not sure how high of standards you are putting on yourself in terms of schoolwork, but if you are an over-achiever (like me!), just feel okay w/ getting a "B" sometimes. Maybe that will help. The only other small piece of advice I have would be to try to get some exercise, even a 15 minute walk each day, if you can. Exercise is hugely beneficial to my mental health and it recharges my mental batteries. I need lots of mental recharging!

Hang in there...

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: DeGraff <reneendegraff@...> Sent: Wed, February 17, 2010 2:10:51 PMSubject: ( ) Ready to burn out

I am a single mom and also run a daycare out of my home. I am currently struggling on finding time for me.

My day begins at 6am with a shower. Then daycare children show up. While day care children are arriving I am getting my children sorted for school - which with my daughter ends up in a huge melt down. As the day progresses I have not had a day where the school does not call me due to issues that have arrose with my daughter. Through out the week I have appointments for my daughter - speech, ot, etc in which I take her. In the evenings her melt downs are worse and I end up with her screaming, banging, and kicking her brothers - all while parents are coming to pick up their children. ( I am so thankful that the parents of the daycare children are understanding with my daughter). By the end of the day I get the kids in bed and I start studying for college (which I am attending full time online).

I am seriously struggling with finding time for me. I am at my wits end. Please do you have any suggestions.

Thanks.

[Guest guest]

Well, tell the staff at the school that things need to speed up and you need a meeting sooner. If they don't have their testing done, then a meeting to discuss an interim behavior plan is important. When they call you from school, do you then go pick her up and bring her home? If so, this is a huge legal problem for the school since each day she misses school is denying her "FAPE" (free appropriate public education). So I would suggest that they figure out something right now to change the problem until a full eval can be completed. What kinds of things? I don't know your dd or what the problems are at school so just in a general sense of suggesting, they can give her a 1-1 aide to help her deal with things, give her a place to go when she is getting overwhelmed (a counselor, the library, etc.), bring in an OT to do a quick sensory eval and offer some easy suggestions to put in place today. But calling you to come get her is not acceptable and is removing her from her education. They need to provide a tutor to help her stay caught up with her class.

The clothing is another problem entirely. lol. I sure have been down that road! You might try making a little chart to hang up in her closet showing what is acceptable on specific weather days. I always had a rule for my oldest dd that she could wear shorts only if it got to a certain temperature. Then it wasn't me saying "No you can't wear that today" but instead I was saying, "What's the weather going to be like today?" Then she could be upset with the weather and not with me. Sometimes having it written down and posted can help. You could even make it fun by watching the weather report the night before and then saying, "So that means what clothes are acceptable to wear?" and so forth.

The seam and tags are a problem for many kids with sensory issues. And even I am known to rip those tags out of my shirts. <g> I hate them. lol. So just try to find clothing that you can both agree to. My oldest ds (hfa) wore sweat pants and shirts all the way up to the 8th grade. He had so many issues that arguing over the clothes was the least of my worries. Keep calling the people who are supposed to come in and help you. Keep at it until they show up. Sometimes that is what it takes to get attention.

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

( ) Ready to burn out

I am a single mom and also run a daycare out of my home. I am currently struggling on finding time for me.

My day begins at 6am with a shower. Then daycare children show up. While day care children are arriving I am getting my children sorted for school - which with my daughter ends up in a huge melt down. As the day progresses I have not had a day where the school does not call me due to issues that have arrose with my daughter. Through out the week I have appointments for my daughter - speech, ot, etc in which I take her. In the evenings her melt downs are worse and I end up with her screaming, banging, and kicking her brothers - all while parents are coming to pick up their children. ( I am so thankful that the parents of the daycare children are understanding with my daughter). By the end of the day I get the kids in bed and I start studying for college (which I am attending full time online).

I am seriously struggling with finding time for me. I am at my wits end. Please do you have any suggestions.

Thanks.