Re: Re: Ideas for dealing with school refusal?

January 12, 2011

Thanks for the replies so far. I should specify that he has a pretty good IEP with a dedicated aide and the ability to take a break if he needs it or not go to things that are too stressful (field trips, assemblies). His teacher is awesome and in general his class is calm and pleasant (for a 3rd grade class). We switched schools because he was being poorly served by his old school. This school is about as good as we can get without going to a sped school which around here cost upwards of $35K/year and are not near where we live. We could sue and get funded, but we really wouldn't win at this point because they gave us so many accommodations.

He is on Zoloft and Intuniv, gets about 10 - 11 hours of sleep/night, goes to therapy weekly, and is under the care of a psychiatrist, developmental ped, neurologist, etc. etc. He actually can get to the point where he likes school and, like I said, when we get there he usually settles in OK. It's just the getting out the door part.

I do stay calm, try to ignore him as much as possible and not engage (he'll call me names for ex., trying to get a rise out of me). He never drag or force, partially because I'm not even strong enough.

Unfortunately homeschooling is not an option because we have so much debt from all the therapy that I must work. Even without the therapy and dr bills it would be hard to live here on my husband's salary, but with them we would starve if I didn't work. I also think that he would just become more anxious if we homeschooled because he needs to get out and do things or else he gets really bored and frustrated.

I don't force homework, but he pretty much won't NOT do it so it's not really an option to let him take a pass. He tries sometimes and then he ends up doing it. He does have the option of participating in an advanced studies program, with an afterschool component and extra projects, and we don't really do that. He does a pull-out on 1 day/week and we're doing projects if he wants, but I don't push it at all.

Keep the good ideas coming!E.V.On Wed, Jan 12, 2011 at 1:02 PM, <tamaoki_s@...> wrote:

My son was reluctant to go to school at that age, and I did what you did at first - I made an effort to keep calm and be positive, while at the same time making sure that he got some extra help in the classroom. I made him go to school every day and when he got home I'd be the homework police, making sure that he did every assignment. But eventually, as he got older he got bigger and stronger and it was harder to get him out the door. What really, really worked was to get an IEP with the right modifications, plus moving him to a new private school for a fresh start. Before the new IEP, some of the homework assignments were not appropriate for him and I discovered later that he was being bullied at lunch and at recess by older students. At his new school, bullying and violence were not tolerated. He felt safe and less anxious. From day 1 he came home with a smile and after that I had absolutely no problems getting him to school. We also started him on some medication for anxiety, which made a huge difference. See if you can find out what's going on at school that is pushing him over the edge. Maybe you can ask the school district to send an observer to watch him for a day to see what parts of the day are difficult for him. The school district offered to do this for us and it was a real eye opener for me.

January 12, 2011

My son who is in 9th grade and is 15 years old and much bigger then me now (he is 6' tall) goes thru spells of not wanting to go to school. He gets anxious too. He claimed his stomach hurt all the time. We took him to the doctor even though I truly believed it was anxiety. We did get a note from the doctor about this for the school as he missed 9 1/2 days already.

I finally called for a meeting with all his teachers, his case manager and the Assistant Principal. We all talked about the situation. We then brought him in. We asked him what was going on. We told him we believed him about his stomach explaining that stress and anxiety can upset the stomach. We came up with a plan. First, he is to eat something for breakfast, the teachers in his first period class said they would keep snacks for him and he is allowed to bring his gingerale with him. Also, he is allowed to go to his safety zone when he needs. That is his reading teacher's room. She is great with him.

It is hard...I know. And, maybe you do want someone to observe him in school ...especially gym and lunch and in the hallways.

See what is going on...

Another thing we finally had to do was tell our son that if he kept missing school we might have to go before a judge. And, the judge could take him from us. Now this depends on your child...but we were very honest with him. We explained to him it is the law...every child is to be educated. Now, I don't recommend this for everyone...you all know your own child...but this did help us getting him back in school.

And, yes, there are those moments every day...when I am driving him to school..."mom, will I be okay?". And I always reassure him...yes. You know all your teachers like you and you can always go to your Reading Teacher. This has helped him so much. Knowing he is safe.

It was breaking my heart....but the more I was letting him stay home...the harder it was getting him back into school. It is like Seperation Anxiety.

Jan

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: EV Downey <dcmusicteacher@...> Sent: Wed, January 12, 2011 7:59:21 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Re: Ideas for dealing with school refusal?

Thanks for the replies so far. I should specify that he has a pretty good IEP with a dedicated aide and the ability to take a break if he needs it or not go to things that are too stressful (field trips, assemblies). His teacher is awesome and in general his class is calm and pleasant (for a 3rd grade class). We switched schools because he was being poorly served by his old school. This school is about as good as we can get without going to a sped school which around here cost upwards of $35K/year and are not near where we live. We could sue and get funded, but we really wouldn't win at this point because they gave us so many accommodations. He is on Zoloft and Intuniv, gets about 10 - 11 hours of sleep/night, goes to therapy weekly, and is under the care of a psychiatrist, developmental ped, neurologist, etc. etc. He actually can get to the point where he likes school and, like I said, when we get

there he usually settles in OK. It's just the getting out the door part.I do stay calm, try to ignore him as much as possible and not engage (he'll call me names for ex., trying to get a rise out of me). He never drag or force, partially because I'm not even strong enough. Unfortunately homeschooling is not an option because we have so much debt from all the therapy that I must work. Even without the therapy and dr bills it would be hard to live here on my husband's salary, but with them we would starve if I didn't work. I also think that he would just become more anxious if we homeschooled because he needs to get out and do things or else he gets really bored and frustrated. I don't force homework, but he pretty much won't NOT do it so it's not really an option to let him take a pass. He tries sometimes and then he ends up doing it. He does have the option of participating in an advanced

studies program, with an afterschool component and extra projects, and we don't really do that. He does a pull-out on 1 day/week and we're doing projects if he wants, but I don't push it at all. Keep the good ideas coming!E.V.

On Wed, Jan 12, 2011 at 1:02 PM, <tamaoki_s@...> wrote:

My son was reluctant to go to school at that age, and I did what you did at first - I made an effort to keep calm and be positive, while at the same time making sure that he got some extra help in the classroom. I made him go to school every day and when he got home I'd be the homework police, making sure that he did every assignment. But eventually, as he got older he got bigger and stronger and it was harder to get him out the door. What really, really worked was to get an IEP with the right modifications, plus moving him to a new private school for a fresh start. Before the new IEP, some of the homework assignments were not appropriate for him and I discovered later that he was being bullied at lunch and at recess by older students. At his new school, bullying and violence were not tolerated. He felt safe and less anxious. From day 1 he came home with a smile and after that I had absolutely no problems getting him to school. We also started him on

some medication for anxiety, which made a huge difference. See if you can find out what's going on at school that is pushing him over the edge. Maybe you can ask the school district to send an observer to watch him for a day to see what parts of the day are difficult for him. The school district offered to do this for us and it was a real eye opener for me.

January 13, 2011

I agree with the other people who said he should get positive reinforcement for the days he goes to school without (too much of) a problem. A token or point system should work. I also recommend a timer, set to the time he has to leave. A countdown seems to help and makes it more non-negotiable. We had bad mornings too, but more dawdling and getting preoccupied than outright refusal to go to school. Now my husband helps with the countdown in the morning and he is firm with that, and he takes the kids to school too. My AS son does behave better for him. I spent many mornings yelling and geting stressed out before my husband was able to change his schedule to go in later. This system works for us.

I hope you can find something that works for you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suzanne

suzmarkwood@...

My son was reluctant to go to school at that age, and I did what you did at first - I made an effort to keep calm and be positive, while at the same time making sure that he got some extra help in the classroom. I made him go to school every day and when he got home I'd be the homework police, making sure that he did every assignment. But eventually, as he got older he got bigger and stronger and it was harder to get him out the door. What really, really worked was to get an IEP with the right modifications, plus moving him to a new private school for a fresh start. Before the new IEP, some of the homework assignments were not appropriate for him and I discovered later that he was being bullied at lunch and at recess by older students. At his new school, bullying and violence were not tolerated. He felt safe and less anxious. From day 1 he came home with a smile and after that I had absolutely no problems getting him to school. We also started him

on some medication for anxiety, which made a huge difference. See if you can find out what's going on at school that is pushing him over the edge. Maybe you can ask the school district to send an observer to watch him for a day to see what parts of the day are difficult for him. The school district offered to do this for us and it was a real eye opener for me.

January 13, 2011

, While i understand your husbands fear of her not being socialized with kids her age ( i thought the same thing) but actually thats not true , sure they are not seeing kids every single day all day , but thats not what school should be 100% percent about! Academics is the most important thing in my opinion!! I found this great program that i am thinking about enrolling my 4 year old into next year! Its called Connections Academy, they have a website you can go to to learn more , i think almost every state has this program , its funded by the public school system so it costs you NOTHING , they ahve clubs , science club, robotics clubs etc etc..... They take field trips , they have days when all parents meet with their kids at a fun place to let the kids get to

know eachother and play and socialize! It just sounds amazing to me , and from all of the parents of kids that have done it say NOTHING but great things about choosing connections academy's virtual school for their child! Plus the technology has come so far these days , and this virtual school really takes advantage of that , kids loving doing their homework because its fun , and they sometimes work 3 or 4 days ahead in one day because they dont want to stop doing homework ( crazy to picture right? lol) The things they learn is the same things that are being taught in the public school system for their grade! And then some!!! My son when he is in first grade can take another language , or any of the other electives they offer!!! All the teachers that teach for academy connections are required to have already been a teacher for atleast 7 years in the public school system before they can be a teacher at academy connections!! Times are sure changing

from when i was in school , Well anyway , look into it , im glad I did , im going to a seminar on the 18th that the school is holding for parents wanting to learn more information on their school , so i will let you know how it goes!! Meaghan :)From: anna <anna1959_2000@...> Sent: Wed, January 12, 2011 9:49:12 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Re: Ideas for dealing with school

refusal?

I have been wanting to home school my daughter for a long time. My husband thinks it would be a big mistake because if she were homeschooled she would never have any interaction with kids her age. It breaks my heart to see how anxious she gets before school and how upset she sometimes looks after school.

My son was reluctant to go to school at that age, and I did what you did at first - I made an effort to keep calm and be positive, while at the same time making sure that he got some extra help in the classroom. I made him go to school every day and when he got home I'd be the homework police, making sure that he did every assignment. But eventually, as he got older he got bigger and stronger and it was harder to get him out the door. What really, really worked was to get an IEP with the right modifications, plus moving him to a new private school for a fresh start. Before the new IEP, some of the homework assignments were not appropriate for him and I discovered later that he was being bullied at lunch and at recess by older students. At his new school, bullying and violence were not tolerated. He felt safe and less anxious. From day 1 he came home with a smile and after that I had absolutely no problems getting him to school. We also started him

on some medication for anxiety, which made a huge difference. See if you can find out what's going on at school that is pushing him over the edge. Maybe you can ask the school district to send an observer to watch him for a day to see what parts of the day are difficult for him. The school district offered to do this for us and it was a real eye opener for me.

January 13, 2011

So, Diane,

DId you get the school to change for your son or did you pull him out?I pulled our our oldest after 5th grade. Did 2 years of a Virtual School and then, he wanted to go back. Now, he's doing pretty well academically and in 9th grade.

Problem is,,,,,one of my other kids, Jack, is 10 and in 5th grade. He has processing issues and ADD. He's just gotten an IEP with things put in like, no time limit on tests, help with staying on tasks (reminders), and a few others.

The thing is that he hates school. Is sad about it. Asks if he could stay home at least 2 times per week. And not just, "Can I stay home tomorrow?". But, "Please, mom. I don't want to go to school. It's too hard and everyone talks mean to eachother and swears and isn't nice.". I ask him if they're mean to him and he says no, but that everyone is just not nice to eachother. FYI - he's always had a big conscience and hates swearing. He'll give money to people and feels really bad for almost everyone he sees. I'm proud of him for being a caring person, but he's reallllllly sensitive to others. Can a person be tooooooo sensitive to others? That sounds horrible, doesn't it?

Anyway,,,,,my heart feels like I want to bring him home like I did with my oldest. Those 2 years were amazing for him. The 1-1 time. I can't praise that decision enough.

But,,,,,,,,I feel like this is deja vu. To pull another one out after 5th grade to do the other alternative. And NOT necessarily because the school sucks......but because emotionally, I feel it needs to be done.

Does this make sense?

I think for his academic issues, 1-1 time would be incredibly beneficial. But, I'm afraid because with my oldest, academics was easy. He could basically teach himself. And with Jack, he literally doesn't know things. Times tables, heck - even adding numbers takes quite a bit. He still doesnt' capitalize letters until you remind him.

It worries me. Sigh.....maybe I'm just tired. Any suggestions?

Robin

"Normal is just

a cycle

on a washing machine....."

From: <tamaoki_s@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Ideas for dealing with school refusal? Date: Thursday, January 13, 2011, 12:00 PM

I agree with Diane. My son had the same refusal to go to school and like Diane I discovered that he was being bullied both by classmates and one teacher in particular. No wonder he didn't want to go get out of bed and go to school. Check out the school and see if you can fix things in the school environment before you try medicating him or forcing him to go. At one point, the doctors told me to NOT force my son to go because it would cause him psychological damage. Try getting him out of the house on the weekends to do things he loves. I noticed that on Monday to Friday that my son's stress levels were high, but if he had something fun to do on Saturday - he could pop out of bed with no problems and be in good spririts. Come Monday, he was cranky again. The fact that he was depressed and lethargic Monday to Friday made it clear that school was becoming toxic for him. He was depressed because of school - and was not clinically

depressed.

January 14, 2011

I am going through the same problem with my 8 yrs old son, I wish I find a way to make him like Math, also he has problems with it, he does not retain the multiplication table, he forgets, I wish there would be a book with strategies for Math, so I can teach him Math in a ore logical way. not memorizing.I still think if the school is good and he has good friends and is not being bullied we should try to keep him at the school, with everybody. Every case is different. From: and/or Robin Lemke <jrisjs@...> Sent: Thu, January 13, 2011 11:14:26 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Re: Ideas for dealing with school refusal?

So, Diane,

DId you get the school to change for your son or did you pull him out?I pulled our our oldest after 5th grade. Did 2 years of a Virtual School and then, he wanted to go back. Now, he's doing pretty well academically and in 9th grade.

Problem is,,,,,one of my other kids, Jack, is 10 and in 5th grade. He has processing issues and ADD. He's just gotten an IEP with things put in like, no time limit on tests, help with staying on tasks (reminders), and a few others.

The thing is that he hates school. Is sad about it. Asks if he could stay home at least 2 times per week. And not just, "Can I stay home tomorrow?". But, "Please, mom. I don't want to go to school. It's too hard and everyone talks mean to eachother and swears and isn't nice.". I ask him if they're mean to him and he says no, but that everyone is just not nice to eachother. FYI - he's always had a big conscience and hates swearing. He'll give money to people and feels really bad for almost everyone he sees. I'm proud of him for being a caring person, but he's reallllllly sensitive to others. Can a person be tooooooo sensitive to others? That sounds horrible, doesn't it?

Anyway,,,,,my heart feels like I want to bring him home like I did with my oldest. Those 2 years were amazing for him. The 1-1 time. I can't praise that decision enough.

But,,,,,,,,I feel like this is deja vu. To pull another one out after 5th grade to do the other alternative. And NOT necessarily because the school sucks......but because emotionally, I feel it needs to be done.

Does this make sense?

I think for his academic issues, 1-1 time would be incredibly beneficial. But, I'm afraid because with my oldest, academics was easy. He could basically teach himself. And with Jack, he literally doesn't know things. Times tables, heck - even adding numbers takes quite a bit. He still doesnt' capitalize letters until you remind him.

It worries me. Sigh.....maybe I'm just tired. Any suggestions?

Robin

"Normal is just

a cycle

on a washing machine....."

From: <tamaoki_s@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Ideas for dealing with school refusal? Date: Thursday, January 13, 2011, 12:00 PM

I agree with Diane. My son had the same refusal to go to school and like Diane I discovered that he was being bullied both by classmates and one teacher in particular. No wonder he didn't want to go get out of bed and go to school. Check out the school and see if you can fix things in the school environment before you try medicating him or forcing him to go. At one point, the doctors told me to NOT force my son to go because it would cause him psychological damage. Try getting him out of the house on the weekends to do things he loves. I noticed that on Monday to Friday that my son's stress levels were high, but if he had something fun to do on Saturday - he could pop out of bed with no problems and be in good spririts. Come Monday, he was cranky again. The fact that he was depressed and lethargic Monday to Friday made it clear that school was becoming toxic for him. He was depressed because of school - and was not clinically

depressed.

January 14, 2011

So are you paying for the K12 out of your pocket? I was told by my school district I could not do that unless I paid for the virtual school out of my own pocket. Is this true?

From: skdaig <2daigs@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Ideas for dealing with school refusal? Date: Thursday, January 13, 2011, 2:33 PM

Hello ,I would encourage you to try to homeschool part time. My 6-yr-old son stays home with me in the morning and we do online schooling with the K12 curriculum. After lunch, I drop him off and he joins the 1st grade class for the rest of the afternoon. I found it was too much for him to be in the classroom all day long, but he is very social (though unskilled at social interactions) so I didn't want him home all day.My feeling is, we are paying big tax bucks for the school system so we should try to make it work for us. The system should accomodate the children it serves, not the other way around.My husband though homeschooling would be a disaster but it has been working out well for the most part so far. in Colorado>> I have been wanting to home school my daughter for a long time. My husband thinks it would be a big mistake because if she were homeschooled she would never have any interaction with kids her age. It breaks my heart to see how anxious she gets before school and how upset she sometimes looks after school.> <snipped>

January 15, 2011

we were in the same boat as you, but with a 4th grader. we home schooled for a year and a half and it was great for the first year, but the last 4 months were hard. he wanted to be around people, and make friends, of course that is hard for him, but he missed some parts of school. so, i found a school that is just for aspergers kids, K-12 with class sizes no more than 10 with a teacher and 2-3 aids. it has changed my son for the better, and he actually loves to go to school. they have social skills as part of the core curriculum because it is so valuable to these kids. pe is an option, they have art, music and drama that rotates. home schooling is great, i loved it and my daughter also joined us homeschooling. now that my son is back in a school, my daughter went back too. i will never regret

the home school time we had. deborah Sycamore Art StudiosSycamore Art SchoolDeborah GustlinGraphic & Web DesignArt classes for K-12www.sycamoreartstudios.comwww.sycamoreartschool.comHome: 408-710-0892 Business: 408-710-6070From: dphock <dphock@...> Sent: Fri, January 14, 2011 6:28:21 PMSubject: ( ) Re: Ideas for dealing with school refusal?

I have to confess that homeschooling was pretty much a last resort idea in my mind, and we came to it after we tried all sorts of other things. My husband and I are big public school supporters -- and here in California where a lot of folks are moving their kids to private schools, we wanted our daughter to experience the diversity of public school.

But we saw that it didn't work for her. Our local public school option for middle school would have put her in a large school, and we were seeing that with her Aspergers and sensitivities to noise and crowds, it wasn't idea. We tried a very small private school, where she had 12 kids in her class. The academics were pretty good, but THAT is where the worst of the social stuff took place -- kids treating each other badly, some teachers treating kids badly, lots of subtle bullying and ostracizing. And that's where school refusal reared its scary head.

I said this before, but we saw it most dramatically in our daughter's physical health going downhill. She started having intense migraines, bad nausea. It was clear that she wasn't faking. She was missing school constantly because of migraines, and we couldn't tell how much they were affected by the stress of being at school.

That's what led us to pull her out of school. We decided that if she had pneumonia, we'd keep her home -- why were we asking her to go to school or deciding every day with frequent and severe chronic migraines? So our decision was to handle her physical and emotional health FIRST and deal with her academic life second.

It has made a huge, huge difference and now we have embraced home-schooling as the best option for her situation. We tried an online, virtual school for a semester -- but even that had its pressures and issues. Homeschooling allows us to work with our daughter's strengths and interests, deal with her weaknesses in a low-stress way, and schedule as her pace needs.

It has not just changed her mood and situation -- it has really transformed our family. We were all so absorbed and worried as she struggled and got sick, and now it's wonderful to see her thriving.

I learned one very significant thing when she was refusing school and we were going to her counselor together. The more she said she didn't want to go, the more I said that she had to, that i knew she didn't like it, etc., the more helpless and overwhelmed she felt because she felt we weren't understanding how profoundly difficult she found the school environment to be. She knew, logically, that we were trying to do the right thing -- but her feeling once we truly UNDERSTOOD that an institutional school setting was not the best for her was lightened tremendously. It has changed our relationship with her -- she knows we listen and care about what she says, and we have made drastic changes to accommodate her needs.

I think when you think about the decision to home-school, it comes down to what you know your child needs. You know your child best.

January 16, 2011

No , you dont pay anything out of pocket!! It is funded by the public school .... your tax dollars pay for this!! Go to your school districts website , and look up open enrollment dates , as far as i know in my state , since the virtual school is not technically in my district , its about 30 minutes away ... you can apple during those open enrollment dates if where the school is actually based is not in your specific district.... the only way you wouldnt be able to be excepted is if the virtual school has reached the maxium allowed students for that year! Maybe they were thinking of another virtual school like blue skies? because i know not all virtual schools are funded , but thats what is soo great about

connections academy , is not only its reputation but that its payed for by your tax dollars that go to the public school district! If you go on the schools district website for your state , it will have a link to go to the virtual schools and it will list connections academy , plus give you all the information about how to enroll them in that school and your rights! let me know what you find out, hope its not different in your state , but i went to the website for your state and it said all over the website it was free tuition! Public schools dont like it because it takes away money from them! Meaghan From: anna <anna1959_2000@...> Sent: Fri, January 14, 2011 12:47:07 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Re: Ideas for dealing with school refusal?

So are you paying for the K12 out of your pocket? I was told by my school district I could not do that unless I paid for the virtual school out of my own pocket. Is this true?

From: skdaig <2daigs@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Ideas for dealing with school refusal? Date: Thursday, January 13, 2011, 2:33 PM

Hello ,I would encourage you to try to homeschool part time. My 6-yr-old son stays home with me in the morning and we do online schooling with the K12 curriculum. After lunch, I drop him off and he joins the 1st grade class for the rest of the afternoon. I found it was too much for him to be in the classroom all day long, but he is very social (though unskilled at social interactions) so I didn't want him home all day.My feeling is, we are paying big tax bucks for the school system so we should try to make it work for us. The system should accomodate the children it serves, not the other way around.My husband though homeschooling would be a disaster but it has been working out well for the most part so far. in Colorado>> I have been wanting to home school my daughter for a long time. My husband thinks it would be a big mistake because if she were homeschooled she would never have any interaction with kids her age. It breaks my heart to see how anxious she gets before school and how upset she sometimes looks after school.> <snipped>

January 18, 2011

yes, the school is in san jose, california. it is called pine hill and is part of the second start, newton program. you can pay for it yourself or force the school district to transfer your child. Sycamore Art StudiosSycamore Art SchoolDeborah GustlinGraphic & Web DesignArt classes for K-12www.sycamoreartstudios.comwww.sycamoreartschool.comHome: 408-710-0892 Business: 408-710-6070From: jmlrgs1870 <jmlrgs1870@...> Sent: Mon, January 17, 2011 11:18:42

PMSubject: ( ) Re: Ideas for dealing with school refusal?

There's a school just for Asperger's kids? I know there's one for preschool age where they help with ABA or something around this area, but haven't heard of any for older students. My dd is in 4th grade. They're doing their best and the services are pretty good, but she doesn't seem to retain what she learns outside of her one-on-one speech class, etc. Do you, or does anyone else here, know of an Asperger's kids' school in Minnesota? Where is the school you found (if you don't mind my asking)? Thanks! --Kari

>

> we were in the same boat as you, but with a 4th grader. we home schooled for a

> year and a half and it was great for the first year, but the last 4 months were

> hard. he wanted to be around people, and make friends, of course that is hard

> for him, but he missed some parts of school.

>

> so, i found a school that is just for aspergers kids, K-12 with class sizes no

> more than 10 with a teacher and 2-3 aids. it has changed my son for the better,

> and he actually loves to go to school. they have social skills as part of the

> core curriculum because it is so valuable to these kids. pe is an option, they

> have art, music and drama that rotates.

>

> home schooling is great, i loved it and my daughter also joined us

> homeschooling. now that my son is back in a school, my daughter went back too. i

> will never regret the home school time we had.

>

> deborah

>

> Sycamore Art Studios

> Sycamore Art School

> Deborah Gustlin

> Graphic & Web Design

> Art classes for K-12

> www.sycamoreartstudios.com

> www.sycamoreartschool.com

> Home: 408-710-0892

> Business: 408-710-6070

>

> ________________________________

> From: dphock <dphock@...>

>

> Sent: Fri, January 14, 2011 6:28:21 PM

> Subject: ( ) Re: Ideas for dealing with school refusal?

>

> I have to confess that homeschooling was pretty much a last resort idea in my

> mind, and we came to it after we tried all sorts of other things. My husband

> and I are big public school supporters -- and here in California where a lot of

> folks are moving their kids to private schools, we wanted our daughter to

> experience the diversity of public school.

>

> But we saw that it didn't work for her. Our local public school option for

> middle school would have put her in a large school, and we were seeing that with

> her Aspergers and sensitivities to noise and crowds, it wasn't idea. We tried a

> very small private school, where she had 12 kids in her class. The academics

> were pretty good, but THAT is where the worst of the social stuff took place --

> kids treating each other badly, some teachers treating kids badly, lots of

> subtle bullying and ostracizing. And that's where school refusal reared its

> scary head.

>

> I said this before, but we saw it most dramatically in our daughter's physical

> health going downhill. She started having intense migraines, bad nausea. It

> was clear that she wasn't faking. She was missing school constantly because of

> migraines, and we couldn't tell how much they were affected by the stress of

> being at school.

>

> That's what led us to pull her out of school. We decided that if she had

> pneumonia, we'd keep her home -- why were we asking her to go to school or

> deciding every day with frequent and severe chronic migraines? So our decision

> was to handle her physical and emotional health FIRST and deal with her academic

> life second.

>

> It has made a huge, huge difference and now we have embraced home-schooling as

> the best option for her situation. We tried an online, virtual school for a

> semester -- but even that had its pressures and issues. Homeschooling allows us

> to work with our daughter's strengths and interests, deal with her weaknesses in

> a low-stress way, and schedule as her pace needs.

>

> It has not just changed her mood and situation -- it has really transformed our

> family. We were all so absorbed and worried as she struggled and got sick, and

> now it's wonderful to see her thriving.

>

> I learned one very significant thing when she was refusing school and we were

> going to her counselor together. The more she said she didn't want to go, the

> more I said that she had to, that i knew she didn't like it, etc., the more

> helpless and overwhelmed she felt because she felt we weren't understanding how

> profoundly difficult she found the school environment to be. She knew,

> logically, that we were trying to do the right thing -- but her feeling once we

> truly UNDERSTOOD that an institutional school setting was not the best for her

> was lightened tremendously. It has changed our relationship with her -- she

> knows we listen and care about what she says, and we have made drastic changes

> to accommodate her needs.

>

> I think when you think about the decision to home-school, it comes down to what

> you know your child needs. You know your child best.

>

January 18, 2011

Thanks for the information on the Pine Hill school, I just checked out the website and I'm very interested as it would be perfect for my eight year old, HFA son who is currently struggling in school.

Question how would I go about forcing the school to transfer my child?

Thanks again,

Yemie

From: Deborah Gustlin <sycamorestudios@...> Sent: Tue, January 18, 2011 6:22:10 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Re: Ideas for dealing with school refusal?

yes, the school is in san jose, california. it is called pine hill and is part of the second start, newton program. you can pay for it yourself or force the school district to transfer your child.

Sycamore Art StudiosSycamore Art SchoolDeborah GustlinGraphic & Web DesignArt classes for K-12www.sycamoreartstudios.comwww.sycamoreartschool.comHome: 408-710-0892 Business:

408-710-6070

From: jmlrgs1870 <jmlrgs1870@...> Sent: Mon, January 17, 2011 11:18:42 PMSubject: ( ) Re: Ideas for dealing with school refusal?

There's a school just for Asperger's kids? I know there's one for preschool age where they help with ABA or something around this area, but haven't heard of any for older students. My dd is in 4th grade. They're doing their best and the services are pretty good, but she doesn't seem to retain what she learns outside of her one-on-one speech class, etc. Do you, or does anyone else here, know of an Asperger's kids' school in Minnesota? Where is the school you found (if you don't mind my asking)? Thanks! --Kari>> we were in the same boat as you, but with a 4th grader. we home schooled for a > year and a half and it was great for the first year, but the last 4 months were > hard. he wanted to be

around people, and make friends, of course that is hard > for him, but he missed some parts of school. > > > so, i found a school that is just for aspergers kids, K-12 with class sizes no > more than 10 with a teacher and 2-3 aids. it has changed my son for the better, > and he actually loves to go to school. they have social skills as part of the > core curriculum because it is so valuable to these kids. pe is an option, they > have art, music and drama that rotates. > > > home schooling is great, i loved it and my daughter also joined us > homeschooling. now that my son is back in a school, my daughter went back too. i > will never regret the home school time we had. > > deborah> > Sycamore Art Studios> Sycamore Art School> Deborah Gustlin> Graphic & Web Design> Art classes for K-12> www.sycamoreartstudios.com> www.sycamoreartschool.com> Home: 408-710-0892 > Business: 408-710-6070> > > > > > ________________________________> From: dphock <dphock@...>> > Sent: Fri, January 14, 2011 6:28:21 PM> Subject: ( ) Re: Ideas for dealing with school refusal?> > > I have to confess that homeschooling was pretty much a last resort idea in my > mind, and we came to it after we tried all sorts of other things. My husband > and I are big public school supporters -- and here in California

where a lot of > folks are moving their kids to private schools, we wanted our daughter to > experience the diversity of public school.> > But we saw that it didn't work for her. Our local public school option for > middle school would have put her in a large school, and we were seeing that with > her Aspergers and sensitivities to noise and crowds, it wasn't idea. We tried a > very small private school, where she had 12 kids in her class. The academics > were pretty good, but THAT is where the worst of the social stuff took place -- > kids treating each other badly, some teachers treating kids badly, lots of > subtle bullying and ostracizing. And that's where school refusal reared its > scary head. > > > I said this before, but we saw it most dramatically in our daughter's physical > health going downhill. She started having intense migraines, bad

nausea. It > was clear that she wasn't faking. She was missing school constantly because of > migraines, and we couldn't tell how much they were affected by the stress of > being at school.> > That's what led us to pull her out of school. We decided that if she had > pneumonia, we'd keep her home -- why were we asking her to go to school or > deciding every day with frequent and severe chronic migraines? So our decision > was to handle her physical and emotional health FIRST and deal with her academic > life second.> > It has made a huge, huge difference and now we have embraced home-schooling as > the best option for her situation. We tried an online, virtual school for a > semester -- but even that had its pressures and issues. Homeschooling allows us > to work with our daughter's strengths and interests, deal with her weaknesses in > a low-stress

way, and schedule as her pace needs. > > > It has not just changed her mood and situation -- it has really transformed our > family. We were all so absorbed and worried as she struggled and got sick, and > now it's wonderful to see her thriving.> > I learned one very significant thing when she was refusing school and we were > going to her counselor together. The more she said she didn't want to go, the > more I said that she had to, that i knew she didn't like it, etc., the more > helpless and overwhelmed she felt because she felt we weren't understanding how > profoundly difficult she found the school environment to be. She knew, > logically, that we were trying to do the right thing -- but her feeling once we > truly UNDERSTOOD that an institutional school setting was not the best for her > was lightened tremendously. It has changed our relationship with

her -- she > knows we listen and care about what she says, and we have made drastic changes > to accommodate her needs. > > > I think when you think about the decision to home-school, it comes down to what > you know your child needs. You know your child best.>

January 19, 2011

I am using the ideas for teaching multiplication with my ds (dyslexia) --> http://www.mathmammoth.com/multiplication_1.php

She suggests using skip counting first, then memorizing the facts in various forms. I also bought a set of multiplication cards called, "Three corner" cards and we will be working with those to memorize fact families. I think learning it upside down and inside out will take time but he needs the extra work.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) Re: Ideas for dealing with school refusal?

> >

> >Date: Thursday, January 13, 2011, 12:00 PM

> >

> >I agree with Diane. My son had the same refusal to go to school and like Diane I

> >discovered that he was being bullied both by classmates and one teacher in

> >particular. No wonder he didn't want to go get out of bed and go to school.

> >Check out the school and see if you can fix things in the school environment

> >before you try medicating him or forcing him to go. At one point, the doctors

> >told me to NOT force my son to go because it would cause him psychological

> >damage. Try getting him out of the house on the weekends to do things he loves.

> >I noticed that on Monday to Friday that my son's stress levels were high, but if

> >he had something fun to do on Saturday - he could pop out of bed with no

> >problems and be in good spririts. Come Monday, he was cranky again. The fact

> >that he was depressed and lethargic Monday to Friday made it clear that school

> >was becoming toxic for him. He was depressed because of school - and was not

> >clinically depressed.

> >

>

January 19, 2011

Hi Kari,I sent you a private e mail may be you did not get it, I was asking you if you could please e mail me the table of times 9 (multiplication) you mention that you have some tricks or strategies to learn it, it is for my son, he is dyslexic and has a hard time remembering the multiplication table unless I make it logical, showing him some tricks or explanations or other ways to get there will help him a lot.Thank you, you can e mail me fi you have some, thank you again, From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...> Sent: Wed, January 19, 2011 9:02:34 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Re: Ideas for dealing with school refusal?