end of my rope

[Guest guest]

It's been a while because we are up to our eyeballs with my now 16-year old.

All along she has been having trouble getting to sleep at a reasonable hour,

then she can't get up in the morning and she is chronically late to

everything. This cost her her public school education. We now have her in a

private school with a late start time but she is now not making that either.

We have been in therapy for 2 academic years now withouot much success.

She has refused meds and she is resistant to the idea that anything is wrong

with her. The more she loses, the more rigid she gets. Her therapist seems

to think she needs to " hit rock bottom " before she will be motivated to do

something. Personally, I hate a crisis orientation and I prefer to provide

positive experiences in the context of a really good CBT program. I'm not

sure this is.

Any suggestions would be appreciated. Her life is going down the tubes

fast.

Mamimiz

[Guest guest]

I understand and can relate, if I knew what to do, I would certainly tell you

and I hope if you find out you will tell me!

[Guest guest]

nna,

(Hugs)!! I'm so sorry! I know how you feel!!! It's so frustrating!!!!!

Hang in there!!

Judy

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/30/2006 4:16:39 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

mdonlon@... writes:

Her therapist told me I

should hold off on making a decision on meds until we are past this

crisis time, then look back at the year overall and decide if it's

necessary. UGH. In the meantime, how do we survive the crisis????

nna -

Girl.... I feel for you & your family. How do you survive this crisis??

Just how you're doing it, I guess. You do the best you can until things calm

down for your daughter. I know exactly how difficult it is for you, being in

the same type of situation -- having a daughter with issues revolving around

personal care that makes it difficult for anyone but the Mom to help with.

It is a very isolating feeling. Being 15 now (just turned today!!) having my

husband helping with anything is obviously not an option. He tries to 'talk'

her through hard times at the bathroom door, but that's about all he can do

(thank God the man has the patience of a saint!)

I understand your wanting to avoid meds, and obviously you've done that to

date. There may come a time though, and this may be it, that the OCD

deteriorates so much of your family's quality of life that it becomes a

necessity.

Personally, I couldn't imagine still going through days like we did at the

beginning before our daughter was on Prozac. It has truly been a life saver

for

both my daughter & the rest of the family.

I'm sure it just seems worse for you, too, simply because it was going so

well for that year or so time period. Just experiencing a few " good " days when

dd can manage to shower alone & she gets SO excited about it... then, in

just a day or two, we're back to step 1 crying & freaking out in the shower....

it's difficult to take for us. I can't imagine after a year of " good days "

what it must be like to go back to step 1.

Find what calms you, take a deep breath & keep all options open. Good Luck.

LT

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/30/2006 5:05:50 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

Nchaotic@... writes:

My son will be 15 this week

---

My daughter turned 15 today! Happy Birthday to both... and may the years

ahead of them only get easier.......

LT

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/30/2006 5:05:50 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

Nchaotic@... writes:

In fact, I truly believe there are instances where medication

can only enhance therapy and for some kids, without medication therapy

isn't

even possible.

As a parent, placing a child on medication is a tough decision, but I think

if we really stand back and take ourself outside the parental role for a

moment and ask ourselves - can we improve the quality of their life over

what is

presently going on with medication, should we? I think the answer becomes

more clear at that point.

-

You have made some phenomenally good points here. I couldn't agree more

with your reasoning! While it must be a personal decision made by each parent

for each child.... these are excellent things to consider when making that

decision.

LT

[Guest guest]

Well, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to your daughter too!! My son is 15 today - May Day!

Ah, these are the fun years, huh? I have a 23 year old daughter, so I've had

the " pleasure " of experiencing a girl at this age - LOL! GOOD LUCK TO YOU!!

HA HA She presented different challenges though (bipolar), with definite

OCD tendencies looking back. It's funny, she constantly gives her brother

" advice " and tells him what he needs to do, etc... My youngest is a year

behind my son (will be 14 this summer). Luckily, she's only diagnosed ADHD and

has had spec ed services.

Anyway, YES, here's hoping that the years ahead get easier for them!

In a message dated 5/1/2006 7:09:32 AM Central Standard Time, jtlt@...

writes:

---

My daughter turned 15 today! Happy Birthday to both... and may the years

ahead of them only get easier.......

LT

[Guest guest]

Some (((hugs))) nna! Only have a moment, but I think (and that

IS *think*) that I would wait it out. Because things were OK until

the recent virus. That time had strep and his OCD got

worse, it took weeks to settle back down, probably about the time it

would have taken (or less) for a medication to kick in some.

Although I hate to say this and then your dd's behaviors drag out

longer!

Hang in there!

>

> Hi All,

>

> Just venting...have had 2 weeks of hell and things just don't seem

to

> be improving. After a year and a half of relative calm, I feel

like

> things are right back to where we were in the beginning.

> (almost 9) knows how to beat OCD, but ever since she got that

virus a

[Guest guest]

At 10:38 AM 4/25/2007, you wrote:

>My pain level is so bad that my pain meds seem to only take the edge of.

>I take more pills than I should and my stomach is burnt out.

>I am so frustrated! I just turned 40 and I feel like I'm 80!

>I know this sounds really bad, but sometimes I wonder if I wasn't here

>anymore if my pain would go away.

I can relate very much. I'm now 46, but I was 39 when my last bout

of back surgeries started. For the full story read Dave's Story

under the Group files section. I have 4 levels fused in my lower

back and 2 in my neck. Today I have a very annoying gnawing pain in

my neck and right shoulder. And there are times that spinal fusion

feels like it is going to punch through my back. That said I've been

mentally where you are. I am on Cymbalta and others for

depression. I am blessed that I have a supportive spouse. What I

did that helped me was to find a counselor that understands chronic

pain. I sought one out, and did find one. It has been helpful. It

is also very helpful to vent here to people who DO Understand your

condition. Hope this helps some. Thanks for posting. Dave

[Guest guest]

At 10:38 AM 4/25/2007, you wrote:

>My pain level is so bad that my pain meds seem to only take the edge of.

>I take more pills than I should and my stomach is burnt out.

>I am so frustrated! I just turned 40 and I feel like I'm 80!

>I know this sounds really bad, but sometimes I wonder if I wasn't here

>anymore if my pain would go away.

I can relate very much. I'm now 46, but I was 39 when my last bout

of back surgeries started. For the full story read Dave's Story

under the Group files section. I have 4 levels fused in my lower

back and 2 in my neck. Today I have a very annoying gnawing pain in

my neck and right shoulder. And there are times that spinal fusion

feels like it is going to punch through my back. That said I've been

mentally where you are. I am on Cymbalta and others for

depression. I am blessed that I have a supportive spouse. What I

did that helped me was to find a counselor that understands chronic

pain. I sought one out, and did find one. It has been helpful. It

is also very helpful to vent here to people who DO Understand your

condition. Hope this helps some. Thanks for posting. Dave

[Guest guest]

Hi I am sorry to hear that so far your surgery hasn't helped you

much. Have you been back to your surgeon for a last checkup with

him??? He would have to tell you for sure but my surgeon told me it

would be 6 months or more before my surgery really was healing and I

expected to have pain anyway. But I know how frustrating it is

thinking surgery will fix the pain and then finding out the pain is

still there. Talk to you dr about the pain and your frustrations and

if he doesn't listen talk to another one until you find one who does.

It sounds like honestly either your pain meds are the wrong dose or

that your dr is not treating your pain fairly. Unfortunately it seems

like the squeaky wheel is the one who finally gets listened too, so

don't be afraid to go to your dr and tell him what is going on.

Taking more meds than you should is not the answer, if the dosage is

not right fixing it yourself is really very dangerous. I hope you

understand I say this as a friend worried

about your health. I know after awhile your body becomes very used to

pain meds and they no longer work as properly as they should. But

please be

careful and see your dr asap. And please post and talk as much as you

feel like you want too, it always helps talking to others who

understand what you are going thru. I hope I do not hurt you with

anything I have said here I am just worried about you. Take care,

Sharon Group Owner

>

> I haven't posted to this group in a really long time, but i enjoy

> reading the posts. I had surgery five months ago on my neck-two

disc

> removed-replaced with bone and then a metal plate. Well, I can say

that

> seemed to fix the problems n my neck. I still have a disc in my

back

> that was never fixed. I just got done with six weeks of physical

> therapy and it hasn't really changed my pain level.

> My pain level is so bad that my pain meds seem to only take the

edge of.

> I take more pills than I should and my stomach is burnt out.

> I am so frustrated! I just turned 40 and I feel like I'm 80!

> I know this sounds really bad, but sometimes I wonder if I wasn't

here

> anymore if my pain would go away. I haven't told my doctor this yet-

> because he seems blow off most of what I say.

> I am on " happy pills/anti-depresants " already and they seem to help

a

> little-but not enough.

> I can barely function at work, pain in my back and on my mind

almost

> every minute. I 'm scared with some of my thougts!

> Help

>

[Guest guest]

Hi I am sorry to hear that so far your surgery hasn't helped you

much. Have you been back to your surgeon for a last checkup with

him??? He would have to tell you for sure but my surgeon told me it

would be 6 months or more before my surgery really was healing and I

expected to have pain anyway. But I know how frustrating it is

thinking surgery will fix the pain and then finding out the pain is

still there. Talk to you dr about the pain and your frustrations and

if he doesn't listen talk to another one until you find one who does.

It sounds like honestly either your pain meds are the wrong dose or

that your dr is not treating your pain fairly. Unfortunately it seems

like the squeaky wheel is the one who finally gets listened too, so

don't be afraid to go to your dr and tell him what is going on.

Taking more meds than you should is not the answer, if the dosage is

not right fixing it yourself is really very dangerous. I hope you

understand I say this as a friend worried

about your health. I know after awhile your body becomes very used to

pain meds and they no longer work as properly as they should. But

please be

careful and see your dr asap. And please post and talk as much as you

feel like you want too, it always helps talking to others who

understand what you are going thru. I hope I do not hurt you with

anything I have said here I am just worried about you. Take care,

Sharon Group Owner

>

> I haven't posted to this group in a really long time, but i enjoy

> reading the posts. I had surgery five months ago on my neck-two

disc

> removed-replaced with bone and then a metal plate. Well, I can say

that

> seemed to fix the problems n my neck. I still have a disc in my

back

> that was never fixed. I just got done with six weeks of physical

> therapy and it hasn't really changed my pain level.

> My pain level is so bad that my pain meds seem to only take the

edge of.

> I take more pills than I should and my stomach is burnt out.

> I am so frustrated! I just turned 40 and I feel like I'm 80!

> I know this sounds really bad, but sometimes I wonder if I wasn't

here

> anymore if my pain would go away. I haven't told my doctor this yet-

> because he seems blow off most of what I say.

> I am on " happy pills/anti-depresants " already and they seem to help

a

> little-but not enough.

> I can barely function at work, pain in my back and on my mind

almost

> every minute. I 'm scared with some of my thougts!

> Help

>

[Guest guest]

>

>

> >My pain level is so bad that my pain meds seem to only take the

edge of.

> >I take more pills than I should and my stomach is burnt out.

> >I am so frustrated! I just turned 40 and I feel like I'm 80!

> >I know this sounds really bad, but sometimes I wonder if I wasn't

here

> >anymore if my pain would go away.

>

>

> I can relate very much. I'm now 46, but I was 39 when my last bout

> of back surgeries started. For the full story read Dave's Story

> under the Group files section. I have 4 levels fused in my lower

> back and 2 in my neck. Today I have a very annoying gnawing pain

in

> my neck and right shoulder. And there are times that spinal fusion

> feels like it is going to punch through my back. That said I've

been

> mentally where you are. I am on Cymbalta and others for

> depression. I am blessed that I have a supportive spouse. What I

> did that helped me was to find a counselor that understands chronic

> pain. I sought one out, and did find one. It has been helpful.

It

> is also very helpful to vent here to people who DO Understand your

> condition. Hope this helps some. Thanks for posting. Dave

>

I wanted to send a big Thank you to Dave & Sharon! It's so nice to

know that other people understand what I am going thru. I am going

back to my nero doctor in the very near future. I have more time to

deal with myself now. I will post a new topic on that isssue.

Thanks again for all your kind words-It really does help!

wsuz06

[Guest guest]

>

>

> >My pain level is so bad that my pain meds seem to only take the

edge of.

> >I take more pills than I should and my stomach is burnt out.

> >I am so frustrated! I just turned 40 and I feel like I'm 80!

> >I know this sounds really bad, but sometimes I wonder if I wasn't

here

> >anymore if my pain would go away.

>

>

> I can relate very much. I'm now 46, but I was 39 when my last bout

> of back surgeries started. For the full story read Dave's Story

> under the Group files section. I have 4 levels fused in my lower

> back and 2 in my neck. Today I have a very annoying gnawing pain

in

> my neck and right shoulder. And there are times that spinal fusion

> feels like it is going to punch through my back. That said I've

been

> mentally where you are. I am on Cymbalta and others for

> depression. I am blessed that I have a supportive spouse. What I

> did that helped me was to find a counselor that understands chronic

> pain. I sought one out, and did find one. It has been helpful.

It

> is also very helpful to vent here to people who DO Understand your

> condition. Hope this helps some. Thanks for posting. Dave

>

I wanted to send a big Thank you to Dave & Sharon! It's so nice to

know that other people understand what I am going thru. I am going

back to my nero doctor in the very near future. I have more time to

deal with myself now. I will post a new topic on that isssue.

Thanks again for all your kind words-It really does help!

wsuz06

[Guest guest]

Hi am glad to be of some help. I Know after years of going thru this

how frustrating it can be. Dr's who don't listen, meds that don't

help, surgeries that fail, I can relate to it all. I remember my

first

back surgery I had such high hopes of it working and feeling better,

getting my life back again. And less than a month after my surgery

the

pain returned, I felt so depressed I couldn't believe I had gone thru

all that for nothing. And my pain never got better (except for the

first few days my foot felt better probably cause of all the surgical

meds) But my pain got WORSE and worse. I finally realized one day

that

my life as it had been was over, I would never get it back. I think

having chronic pain has to be one of the worst things you can go thru

in life. People rarely understand what you go thru, forget dr's its

hard enough to make them listen but family and friends understand

even

less what its like to live with chronic pain. I read somewhere its

like

going thru a cycle, of denial, anger, depression, more denial, and

finally acceptance. Your life is what you make of it so I decided to

make the most of what I have left. To take each day one day at a

time,

enjoy what I can do and try not to dwell on what I can't anymore. But

its still hard to find yourself living in a vacumn, almost totally

alone and you have to learn how to cope with a new life you did not

ask

or expect to have. I think learning to live with chronic pain is a

very hard thing to learn to do but we are given no choice in the

matter. I wish you the best at learning to deal with the hand you

have

been dealt, its not a great hand I know but its the only one you have

right now. The future may bring better things and thats always a ray

of

hope we have. Keeping a journal is another thing that I found

helpful,

its a good way to vent your feelings and to keep up with what is

working for you and what is not. I dont know about you but my short

term memory is the pits thanks to all the meds I take. So a journal

is

anoter good way to help remember what meds and things you have tried,

how they worked or didn't and how you were feeling. I always think of

that poster of the kitten hanging from a tree limb barely by its

paws,

and I think the quote is " hanging in there " well thats most of us,

hanging by a thread but still hanging in there. Best wishes and post

and let us know how you are doing, talking to others is a big help

too.

Thats one of the main reasons for the group, people who go thru this

understand so well what others have no idea what its like. Take care

sorry for the long book

Sharon Group Owner

> >

> I wanted to send a big Thank you to Dave & Sharon! It's so nice to

> know that other people understand what I am going thru. I am going

> back to my nero doctor in the very near future. I have more time to

> deal with myself now. I will post a new topic on that isssue.

> Thanks again for all your kind words-It really does help!

> wsuz06

>

[Guest guest]

Hi am glad to be of some help. I Know after years of going thru this

how frustrating it can be. Dr's who don't listen, meds that don't

help, surgeries that fail, I can relate to it all. I remember my

first

back surgery I had such high hopes of it working and feeling better,

getting my life back again. And less than a month after my surgery

the

pain returned, I felt so depressed I couldn't believe I had gone thru

all that for nothing. And my pain never got better (except for the

first few days my foot felt better probably cause of all the surgical

meds) But my pain got WORSE and worse. I finally realized one day

that

my life as it had been was over, I would never get it back. I think

having chronic pain has to be one of the worst things you can go thru

in life. People rarely understand what you go thru, forget dr's its

hard enough to make them listen but family and friends understand

even

less what its like to live with chronic pain. I read somewhere its

like

going thru a cycle, of denial, anger, depression, more denial, and

finally acceptance. Your life is what you make of it so I decided to

make the most of what I have left. To take each day one day at a

time,

enjoy what I can do and try not to dwell on what I can't anymore. But

its still hard to find yourself living in a vacumn, almost totally

alone and you have to learn how to cope with a new life you did not

ask

or expect to have. I think learning to live with chronic pain is a

very hard thing to learn to do but we are given no choice in the

matter. I wish you the best at learning to deal with the hand you

have

been dealt, its not a great hand I know but its the only one you have

right now. The future may bring better things and thats always a ray

of

hope we have. Keeping a journal is another thing that I found

helpful,

its a good way to vent your feelings and to keep up with what is

working for you and what is not. I dont know about you but my short

term memory is the pits thanks to all the meds I take. So a journal

is

anoter good way to help remember what meds and things you have tried,

how they worked or didn't and how you were feeling. I always think of

that poster of the kitten hanging from a tree limb barely by its

paws,

and I think the quote is " hanging in there " well thats most of us,

hanging by a thread but still hanging in there. Best wishes and post

and let us know how you are doing, talking to others is a big help

too.

Thats one of the main reasons for the group, people who go thru this

understand so well what others have no idea what its like. Take care

sorry for the long book

Sharon Group Owner

> >

> I wanted to send a big Thank you to Dave & Sharon! It's so nice to

> know that other people understand what I am going thru. I am going

> back to my nero doctor in the very near future. I have more time to

> deal with myself now. I will post a new topic on that isssue.

> Thanks again for all your kind words-It really does help!

> wsuz06

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Sharon,

Well said!!! I'm still in the shock stage of recently finding this

group and after so many years of this finally having people who DO

understand what's in my head. Not as lonely of a feeling anymore.

Thanks!

Debbie

>

> Hi am glad to be of some help. I Know after years of going thru

this

> how frustrating it can be. Dr's who don't listen, meds that don't

> help, surgeries that fail, I can relate to it all. I remember my

> first

> back surgery I had such high hopes of it working and feeling

better,

> getting my life back again. And less than a month after my surgery

> the

> pain returned, I felt so depressed I couldn't believe I had gone

thru

> all that for nothing. And my pain never got better (except for the

> first few days my foot felt better probably cause of all the

surgical

> meds) But my pain got WORSE and worse. I finally realized one day

> that

> my life as it had been was over, I would never get it back. I

think

> having chronic pain has to be one of the worst things you can go

thru

> in life. People rarely understand what you go thru, forget dr's

its

> hard enough to make them listen but family and friends understand

> even

> less what its like to live with chronic pain. I read somewhere its

> like

> going thru a cycle, of denial, anger, depression, more denial, and

> finally acceptance. Your life is what you make of it so I decided

to

> make the most of what I have left. To take each day one day at a

> time,

> enjoy what I can do and try not to dwell on what I can't anymore.

But

> its still hard to find yourself living in a vacumn, almost totally

> alone and you have to learn how to cope with a new life you did

not

> ask

> or expect to have. I think learning to live with chronic pain is

a

> very hard thing to learn to do but we are given no choice in the

> matter. I wish you the best at learning to deal with the hand you

> have

> been dealt, its not a great hand I know but its the only one you

have

> right now. The future may bring better things and thats always a

ray

> of

> hope we have. Keeping a journal is another thing that I found

> helpful,

> its a good way to vent your feelings and to keep up with what is

> working for you and what is not. I dont know about you but my

short

> term memory is the pits thanks to all the meds I take. So a

journal

> is

> anoter good way to help remember what meds and things you have

tried,

> how they worked or didn't and how you were feeling. I always think

of

> that poster of the kitten hanging from a tree limb barely by its

> paws,

> and I think the quote is " hanging in there " well thats most of

us,

> hanging by a thread but still hanging in there. Best wishes and

post

> and let us know how you are doing, talking to others is a big help

> too.

> Thats one of the main reasons for the group, people who go thru

this

> understand so well what others have no idea what its like. Take

care

> sorry for the long book

> Sharon Group Owner

>

>

>

> > >

> > I wanted to send a big Thank you to Dave & Sharon! It's so nice

to

> > know that other people understand what I am going thru. I am

going

> > back to my nero doctor in the very near future. I have more time

to

> > deal with myself now. I will post a new topic on that isssue.

> > Thanks again for all your kind words-It really does help!

> > wsuz06

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Sharon,

Well said!!! I'm still in the shock stage of recently finding this

group and after so many years of this finally having people who DO

understand what's in my head. Not as lonely of a feeling anymore.

Thanks!

Debbie

>

> Hi am glad to be of some help. I Know after years of going thru

this

> how frustrating it can be. Dr's who don't listen, meds that don't

> help, surgeries that fail, I can relate to it all. I remember my

> first

> back surgery I had such high hopes of it working and feeling

better,

> getting my life back again. And less than a month after my surgery

> the

> pain returned, I felt so depressed I couldn't believe I had gone

thru

> all that for nothing. And my pain never got better (except for the

> first few days my foot felt better probably cause of all the

surgical

> meds) But my pain got WORSE and worse. I finally realized one day

> that

> my life as it had been was over, I would never get it back. I

think

> having chronic pain has to be one of the worst things you can go

thru

> in life. People rarely understand what you go thru, forget dr's

its

> hard enough to make them listen but family and friends understand

> even

> less what its like to live with chronic pain. I read somewhere its

> like

> going thru a cycle, of denial, anger, depression, more denial, and

> finally acceptance. Your life is what you make of it so I decided

to

> make the most of what I have left. To take each day one day at a

> time,

> enjoy what I can do and try not to dwell on what I can't anymore.

But

> its still hard to find yourself living in a vacumn, almost totally

> alone and you have to learn how to cope with a new life you did

not

> ask

> or expect to have. I think learning to live with chronic pain is

a

> very hard thing to learn to do but we are given no choice in the

> matter. I wish you the best at learning to deal with the hand you

> have

> been dealt, its not a great hand I know but its the only one you

have

> right now. The future may bring better things and thats always a

ray

> of

> hope we have. Keeping a journal is another thing that I found

> helpful,

> its a good way to vent your feelings and to keep up with what is

> working for you and what is not. I dont know about you but my

short

> term memory is the pits thanks to all the meds I take. So a

journal

> is

> anoter good way to help remember what meds and things you have

tried,

> how they worked or didn't and how you were feeling. I always think

of

> that poster of the kitten hanging from a tree limb barely by its

> paws,

> and I think the quote is " hanging in there " well thats most of

us,

> hanging by a thread but still hanging in there. Best wishes and

post

> and let us know how you are doing, talking to others is a big help

> too.

> Thats one of the main reasons for the group, people who go thru

this

> understand so well what others have no idea what its like. Take

care

> sorry for the long book

> Sharon Group Owner

>

>

>

> > >

> > I wanted to send a big Thank you to Dave & Sharon! It's so nice

to

> > know that other people understand what I am going thru. I am

going

> > back to my nero doctor in the very near future. I have more time

to

> > deal with myself now. I will post a new topic on that isssue.

> > Thanks again for all your kind words-It really does help!

> > wsuz06

> >

>

[Guest guest]

so does it make me a bad mother that I have decied I am not going to do this

anymore? I just can't. I am sending to live with his father on the

opposite coast. They barely know eachother. I am scared and heart broken and

relieved all at the same time.

I ame to this descision after yet another meltdown two days ago in which my

youngest was kicked by her brother. That was pretty much the final straw.

I am going through a lot right now and I have been totally unable to deal

with my own crap and my own mental and physical health state due to the fact

that every spare minute is consumed with my son. My own husband made some

horrible choices and got heavily involved with drugs and is now on his way to

prison, which means I am suddenly a single parent and I have no clue how to do

this. I have a lot of things to straighten out in my life right now and as long

as I have I will never be able to take care of anything else.

I really feel that I am at the end of my rope and have nothing left to give

david but love from afar for a time. plus the schools here suck and they are

failing my son miserably. He is simply not thriving and I don't know what else

to do.

His father is taking his AS diagnosis quite seriously and is doing as much

research as he can before my son gets there (it will be about a month) and I

have encouraged him to join this group.

When I told about my descision I guess I expected an emotional

reaction. I dont know why I would expect him to feel sad over moving away from

me. He isn't connected with me or anybody. He immediately starts talking about

all the video games him and his dad will play together. I asked him if he will

miss me and he said " well yeah I guess but I will only be gone a few years. "

Getting that response from him felt like a slap in the face and yet I know it

was totallu unresonable of me to expect anything more.

Well hes coming inside now so I have to get off the computer or at least stop

typing about him. I feel like the worst parent in the world right now.

[Guest guest]

I am sorry you are feeling some time, maybe is for the better because it will give you time to heal and get stronger, remember our children's behavior takes a toll on all of us. It is never an easy path.My prayers are with you, From: <jenniferhermanski@...> Sent: Thu, February 10, 2011 8:29:03 PMSubject: ( ) end of my rope

so does it make me a bad mother that I have decied I am not going to do this anymore? I just can't. I am sending to live with his father on the opposite coast. They barely know eachother. I am scared and heart broken and relieved all at the same time.

I ame to this descision after yet another meltdown two days ago in which my youngest was kicked by her brother. That was pretty much the final straw.

I am going through a lot right now and I have been totally unable to deal with my own crap and my own mental and physical health state due to the fact that every spare minute is consumed with my son. My own husband made some horrible choices and got heavily involved with drugs and is now on his way to prison, which means I am suddenly a single parent and I have no clue how to do this. I have a lot of things to straighten out in my life right now and as long as I have I will never be able to take care of anything else.

I really feel that I am at the end of my rope and have nothing left to give david but love from afar for a time. plus the schools here suck and they are failing my son miserably. He is simply not thriving and I don't know what else to do.

His father is taking his AS diagnosis quite seriously and is doing as much research as he can before my son gets there (it will be about a month) and I have encouraged him to join this group.

When I told about my descision I guess I expected an emotional reaction. I dont know why I would expect him to feel sad over moving away from me. He isn't connected with me or anybody. He immediately starts talking about all the video games him and his dad will play together. I asked him if he will miss me and he said "well yeah I guess but I will only be gone a few years."

Getting that response from him felt like a slap in the face and yet I know it was totallu unresonable of me to expect anything more.

Well hes coming inside now so I have to get off the computer or at least stop typing about him. I feel like the worst parent in the world right now.

[Guest guest]

No- you are not a bad mother. You are a mother who is doing the best she can in a bad situation. Your son is lucky that his dad is willing to do the research, and try to work with him. It sounds as if you are doing what will be best for both of your children. From: <jenniferhermanski@...> Sent: Thu,

February 10, 2011 8:29:03 PMSubject: ( ) end of my rope

so does it make me a bad mother that I have decied I am not going to do this anymore? I just can't. I am sending to live with his father on the opposite coast. They barely know eachother. I am scared and heart broken and relieved all at the same time.

I ame to this descision after yet another meltdown two days ago in which my youngest was kicked by her brother. That was pretty much the final straw.

I am going through a lot right now and I have been totally unable to deal with my own crap and my own mental and physical health state due to the fact that every spare minute is consumed with my son. My own husband made some horrible choices and got heavily involved with drugs and is now on his way to prison, which means I am suddenly a single parent and I have no clue how to do this. I have a lot of things to straighten out in my life right now and as long as I have I will never be able to take care of anything else.

I really feel that I am at the end of my rope and have nothing left to give david but love from afar for a time. plus the schools here suck and they are failing my son miserably. He is simply not thriving and I don't know what else to do.

His father is taking his AS diagnosis quite seriously and is doing as much research as he can before my son gets there (it will be about a month) and I have encouraged him to join this group.

When I told about my descision I guess I expected an emotional reaction. I dont know why I would expect him to feel sad over moving away from me. He isn't connected with me or anybody. He immediately starts talking about all the video games him and his dad will play together. I asked him if he will miss me and he said "well yeah I guess but I will only be gone a few years."

Getting that response from him felt like a slap in the face and yet I know it was totallu unresonable of me to expect anything more.

Well hes coming inside now so I have to get off the computer or at least stop typing about him. I feel like the worst parent in the world right now.

Looking for earth-friendly autos? Browse Top Cars by "Green Rating" at Autos' Green Center.

[Guest guest]

Hi .  While we never got an AS dx till a couple of weeks ago, we have been dealing with it for years, our son is 13.  I can totally understand why and it may be not only in your best interest but his as well.  Sometimes we all need a break and since his dad is willing to help, it may be just what you and your son need.  All kids, issues or not, can be really challenging at times and we as parents have to know when to say I can not do this right now.  Better to send him to his dad for a while then to have one of the other kids or him get hurt.  Time apart is a good thing sometimes.  Know that our thoughts are with you.  Until he moves, do you have any kind of organization that can provide some respite care for you.  Here in New York Albany area we have Center For Disabilities and they can provide respite care for parents of kids with any number of disabilities.  It may be something to look into to help out till he can move to dad's.  Just a thought.

On Thu, Feb 10, 2011 at 8:29 PM, <jenniferhermanski@...> wrote:

 

so does it make me a bad mother that I have decied I am not going to do this anymore? I just can't. I am sending to live with his father on the opposite coast. They barely know eachother. I am scared and heart broken and relieved all at the same time.

I ame to this descision after yet another meltdown two days ago in which my youngest was kicked by her brother. That was pretty much the final straw.

I am going through a lot right now and I have been totally unable to deal with my own crap and my own mental and physical health state due to the fact that every spare minute is consumed with my son. My own husband made some horrible choices and got heavily involved with drugs and is now on his way to prison, which means I am suddenly a single parent and I have no clue how to do this. I have a lot of things to straighten out in my life right now and as long as I have I will never be able to take care of anything else.

I really feel that I am at the end of my rope and have nothing left to give david but love from afar for a time. plus the schools here suck and they are failing my son miserably. He is simply not thriving and I don't know what else to do.

His father is taking his AS diagnosis quite seriously and is doing as much research as he can before my son gets there (it will be about a month) and I have encouraged him to join this group.

When I told about my descision I guess I expected an emotional reaction. I dont know why I would expect him to feel sad over moving away from me. He isn't connected with me or anybody. He immediately starts talking about all the video games him and his dad will play together. I asked him if he will miss me and he said " well yeah I guess but I will only be gone a few years. "

Getting that response from him felt like a slap in the face and yet I know it was totallu unresonable of me to expect anything more.

Well hes coming inside now so I have to get off the computer or at least stop typing about him. I feel like the worst parent in the world right now.

-- Beth MassmannAlbany, NY areaVice President Crest Care Inc.Crest Care District 1 CoordinatorMembership Map and Adoption Applications Coordinatormommy to Abby, Kiki, and 2 legged son

Rainbow Bridge love: Sashawww.crest-care.netwww.xolorescueusa.org " Until you have held a tiny puppy in your arms as it kissed your face with slobbery puppy breath and felt the love, Until you have held an injured or severely ill dog in your arms and felt their pain and until you have looked into the eyes of a tired aging senior dog and felt their wisdom, You will never understand the life of a rescuer.

We find beauty in the most incomprehensible places and the otherwise homely faces. It is our gift to see beyond the dirt, terror, sadness and defeat and find the true soul that lies within. We are Rescue. "   Kathie Sullivan-Parkes, Topsham, VT

[Guest guest]

,

First and foremost..you are not the worst parent in the world. You made a hard but wise decision. At the present time you are unable to care for your son...you are overwhelmed and bascially asking for help. His father owes him some time too as he is the father. I give you credit. I know it is hard and makes you feel lousy...but you really aren't. A lousy mother would be a neglective mother or an abusive mother and you are neither.

Maybe this break will be the best for you at this time...you can gather your strength and pull yourself together. Please don't think bad thoughts about yourself.

jan

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: <jenniferhermanski@...> Sent: Thu, February 10, 2011 8:29:03 PMSubject: ( ) end of my rope

so does it make me a bad mother that I have decied I am not going to do this anymore? I just can't. I am sending to live with his father on the opposite coast. They barely know eachother. I am scared and heart broken and relieved all at the same time.I ame to this descision after yet another meltdown two days ago in which my youngest was kicked by her brother. That was pretty much the final straw.I am going through a lot right now and I have been totally unable to deal with my own crap and my own mental and physical health state due to the fact that every spare minute is consumed with my son. My own husband made some horrible choices and got heavily involved with drugs and is now on his way to prison, which means I am suddenly a single parent and I have no clue how to do this. I have a lot of things to straighten out in my life right now and as long as I have I will never be able to take care of anything else. I really feel

that I am at the end of my rope and have nothing left to give david but love from afar for a time. plus the schools here suck and they are failing my son miserably. He is simply not thriving and I don't know what else to do. His father is taking his AS diagnosis quite seriously and is doing as much research as he can before my son gets there (it will be about a month) and I have encouraged him to join this group.When I told about my descision I guess I expected an emotional reaction. I dont know why I would expect him to feel sad over moving away from me. He isn't connected with me or anybody. He immediately starts talking about all the video games him and his dad will play together. I asked him if he will miss me and he said "well yeah I guess but I will only be gone a few years."Getting that response from him felt like a slap in the face and yet I know it was totallu unresonable of me to expect anything more. Well hes coming

inside now so I have to get off the computer or at least stop typing about him. I feel like the worst parent in the world right now.

[Guest guest]

(((hugs))) !

Well his dad sounds like he'll be a safe place for to be, he's taking the

dx seriously you said and reading up on it. I'm glad you have that option, to

feel he'll be safe, cared for with his dad. (said by a single mom who didn't

have that option with my ex)

If you hadn't anyone to take him (I hadn't read that far in your note yet), I

was trying to think of options for you so you could get some time/respite from

the daily care of . So I was glad to read what you said about his dad.

Hey, as a single parent I know it's overwhelming at times. And you have so much

extra going on right now. I would try to look at this like you are doing what

is best for you right now, what is best for right now, and that this isn't

necessarily a " forever " thing, it's just for " whatever period " it needs to be.

Yeah, it stings when they don't seem to care about us or will miss us, etc. But

he DOES care and love you. And you know that. On the bright side, it's good

that he feels fine about going to stay with dad and isn't upset, that'd just

increase the load on your shoulders right now.

That was a brave, and good, decision you made and so happy you do have that

option of a caring, safe place for him to stay, plus you can keep in such close

touch, etc. I'm sure dad will have lots of questions for you and want some

guidance on things!

Hang in there and let us know how the preparation and transition goes. There's

a lot of single parents in this group (hopefully, besides ME!) so you're not

alone in that!

single mom, 3 sons

, 22

>

> so does it make me a bad mother that I have decied I am not going to do

this anymore? I just can't. I am sending to live with his father on the

opposite coast. They barely know eachother. I am scared and heart broken and

relieved all at the same time.

> I ame to this descision after yet another meltdown two days ago in which my

youngest was kicked by her brother. That was pretty much the final straw.

> I am going through a lot right now and I have been totally unable to deal

with my own crap and my own mental and physical health

[Guest guest]

Hi, I just wanted to say that you couldn't possibly be a bad mother- a bad

mother wouldn't feel like the worst parent in the world,they simply wouldn't

care that much. You obviously need some time to regain your strength, three of

my five have AS and sometimes I can almost feel my brain shutting down with the

constant drain on me. When you have had time to breathe and relax a little you

will be in a much better place to deal with everything that is going on in your

life-including your son. I think you are very brave to recognise what you need

to do and to go through with it. I hope you don't mind me replying to you,I just

felt I wanted to say this to you because your post pulled at something within in

me and I felt like I wanted to give you a virtual hug. Take care of

yourself.Debby.x

>

> so does it make me a bad mother that I have decied I am not going to do

this anymore? I just can't. I am sending to live with his father on the

opposite coast. They barely know eachother. I am scared and heart broken and

relieved all at the same time.

> I ame to this descision after yet another meltdown two days ago in which my

youngest was kicked by her brother. That was pretty much the final straw.

> I am going through a lot right now and I have been totally unable to deal

with my own crap and my own mental and physical health state due to the fact

that every spare minute is consumed with my son. My own husband made some

horrible choices and got heavily involved with drugs and is now on his way to

prison, which means I am suddenly a single parent and I have no clue how to do

this. I have a lot of things to straighten out in my life right now and as long

as I have I will never be able to take care of anything else.

> I really feel that I am at the end of my rope and have nothing left to give

david but love from afar for a time. plus the schools here suck and they are

failing my son miserably. He is simply not thriving and I don't know what else

to do.

> His father is taking his AS diagnosis quite seriously and is doing as much

research as he can before my son gets there (it will be about a month) and I

have encouraged him to join this group.

> When I told about my descision I guess I expected an emotional

reaction. I dont know why I would expect him to feel sad over moving away from

me. He isn't connected with me or anybody. He immediately starts talking about

all the video games him and his dad will play together. I asked him if he will

miss me and he said " well yeah I guess but I will only be gone a few years. "

> Getting that response from him felt like a slap in the face and yet I know

it was totallu unresonable of me to expect anything more.

> Well hes coming inside now so I have to get off the computer or at least

stop typing about him. I feel like the worst parent in the world right now.

>