end of my rope

February 10, 2011

Hey, -

To get your son ready for the move, can his dad send pics or a video of his house and the room will be sleeping in? Maybe if he sees where he's going to live, it will help with the adjustment? Also, maybe you can sit down and set up a schedule for when you'll call/write letters/email/etc... so you both know what to expect. If you know you can always call on Sunday night, maybe that will be your set time and your son can depend on knowing you'll call?

Sometimes when it gets too tough, you have to circle the wagons and take care of yourself. If you are at a point where you need a break, it's good that you admitted it and had an option with 's dad. That says a lot about you. You aren't doing anyone any favors if you're completely miserable most of the time. Chin up. Hang in there.

From: <@...> Sent: Thu, February 10, 2011 8:28:17 PMSubject: ( ) Re: end of my rope

(((hugs))) ! Well his dad sounds like he'll be a safe place for to be, he's taking the dx seriously you said and reading up on it. I'm glad you have that option, to feel he'll be safe, cared for with his dad. (said by a single mom who didn't have that option with my ex) If you hadn't anyone to take him (I hadn't read that far in your note yet), I was trying to think of options for you so you could get some time/respite from the daily care of . So I was glad to read what you said about his dad.Hey, as a single parent I know it's overwhelming at times. And you have so much extra going on right now. I would try to look at this like you are doing what is best for you right now, what is best for right now, and that this isn't necessarily a "forever" thing, it's just for "whatever period" it needs to be. Yeah, it stings when they don't seem to care about us or will miss us, etc. But he DOES care and

love you. And you know that. On the bright side, it's good that he feels fine about going to stay with dad and isn't upset, that'd just increase the load on your shoulders right now. That was a brave, and good, decision you made and so happy you do have that option of a caring, safe place for him to stay, plus you can keep in such close touch, etc. I'm sure dad will have lots of questions for you and want some guidance on things! Hang in there and let us know how the preparation and transition goes. There's a lot of single parents in this group (hopefully, besides ME!) so you're not alone in that!single mom, 3 sons, 22>> so does it make me a bad mother that I have

decied I am not going to do this anymore? I just can't. I am sending to live with his father on the opposite coast. They barely know eachother. I am scared and heart broken and relieved all at the same time.> I ame to this descision after yet another meltdown two days ago in which my youngest was kicked by her brother. That was pretty much the final straw.> I am going through a lot right now and I have been totally unable to deal with my own crap and my own mental and physical health

February 10, 2011

,

You shouldn't feel like your a bad parent. You are doing the right thing it sounds like. If his dad is taking this dx seriously and you feel safe in sending him there then that is wonderful. It will do him good to establish a relationship with his dad and give his dad the opportunity to see what you're dealing with.

It takes a very strong and loving Mom to say I can't do this right now and to let their child go somewhere where he will be safe and loved while you sort out your issues. You could do like some parents and take your frustrations out on him and then that would be being a bad parent. But to know this is probably the best for both of your right now and to have the strength to make that descision is proof that you love him.

Yeah, it hurts our feelings when our children don't reciprocate our love like we want them to. But they do love us and show us in their own unique ways.

My heart goes out to you and I will pray that all turns out for the best. <<hugs go out to you>>

ne

From: <jenniferhermanski@...>Subject: ( ) end of my rope Date: Thursday, February 10, 2011, 8:29 PM

so does it make me a bad mother that I have decied I am not going to do this anymore? I just can't. I am sending to live with his father on the opposite coast. They barely know eachother. I am scared and heart broken and relieved all at the same time.I ame to this descision after yet another meltdown two days ago in which my youngest was kicked by her brother. That was pretty much the final straw.I am going through a lot right now and I have been totally unable to deal with my own crap and my own mental and physical health state due to the fact that every spare minute is consumed with my son. My own husband made some horrible choices and got heavily involved with drugs and is now on his way to prison, which means I am suddenly a single parent and I have no clue how to do this. I have a lot of things to straighten out in my life right now and as long as I have I will never be able to take care of anything else. I really feel

that I am at the end of my rope and have nothing left to give david but love from afar for a time. plus the schools here suck and they are failing my son miserably. He is simply not thriving and I don't know what else to do. His father is taking his AS diagnosis quite seriously and is doing as much research as he can before my son gets there (it will be about a month) and I have encouraged him to join this group.When I told about my descision I guess I expected an emotional reaction. I dont know why I would expect him to feel sad over moving away from me. He isn't connected with me or anybody. He immediately starts talking about all the video games him and his dad will play together. I asked him if he will miss me and he said "well yeah I guess but I will only be gone a few years."Getting that response from him felt like a slap in the face and yet I know it was totallu unresonable of me to expect anything more. Well hes coming

inside now so I have to get off the computer or at least stop typing about him. I feel like the worst parent in the world right now.

February 10, 2011

.

First off....hugs to you.

Second....I hope you know how lucky you are to have an ex who is willing to learn about AS and be "dad". Also....I think you are needing to take care of yourself right now and have made the right decision. For yourself, your daughter AND your son.

Society seems to think that a child is always better off with their mother. Maybe this is true sometimes......maybe most of the time. But.......for you to come to the point where it isn't okay to have him with your right now AND to have a safe, loving place for him to go to - well, that's very healthy and you should be hugged.

I'm sorry, though, for you. Your heart must be breaking........yet, you feel relieved, like you said. Then, possibly guilt for feeling relieved.

Go with what you are planning. Heal yourself.

Hugs.

Robin

......A rich man is not one who has the most,

but who needs the least.....

From: <jenniferhermanski@...>Subject: ( ) end of my rope Date: Thursday, February 10, 2011, 7:29 PM

so does it make me a bad mother that I have decied I am not going to do this anymore? I just can't. I am sending to live with his father on the opposite coast. They barely know eachother. I am scared and heart broken and relieved all at the same time.I ame to this descision after yet another meltdown two days ago in which my youngest was kicked by her brother. That was pretty much the final straw.I am going through a lot right now and I have been totally unable to deal with my own crap and my own mental and physical health state due to the fact that every spare minute is consumed with my son. My own husband made some horrible choices and got heavily involved with drugs and is now on his way to prison, which means I am suddenly a single parent and I have no clue how to do this. I have a lot of things to straighten out in my life right now and as long as I have I will never be able to take care of anything else. I really feel

that I am at the end of my rope and have nothing left to give david but love from afar for a time. plus the schools here suck and they are failing my son miserably. He is simply not thriving and I don't know what else to do. His father is taking his AS diagnosis quite seriously and is doing as much research as he can before my son gets there (it will be about a month) and I have encouraged him to join this group.When I told about my descision I guess I expected an emotional reaction. I dont know why I would expect him to feel sad over moving away from me. He isn't connected with me or anybody. He immediately starts talking about all the video games him and his dad will play together. I asked him if he will miss me and he said "well yeah I guess but I will only be gone a few years."Getting that response from him felt like a slap in the face and yet I know it was totallu unresonable of me to expect anything more. Well hes coming

inside now so I have to get off the computer or at least stop typing about him. I feel like the worst parent in the world right now.

February 10, 2011

,Just the fact that you are on this list, and you try to help and you consume yourself every time things don't go well and care whether he's going to miss you and you are absolutely sure you will miss him should tell you as loud as it can that you are not a bad parent. Things will get better, they always do. Keep your head up and your spirits high. You have a good heart. Sooner or later will realize that. Good luck,EddieSent from my iPhoneOn 2011-02-10, at 9:03 PM, rushen janice <jrushen@...> wrote:

,

First and foremost..you are not the worst parent in the world. You made a hard but wise decision. At the present time you are unable to care for your son...you are overwhelmed and bascially asking for help. His father owes him some time too as he is the father. I give you credit. I know it is hard and makes you feel lousy...but you really aren't. A lousy mother would be a neglective mother or an abusive mother and you are neither.

Maybe this break will be the best for you at this time...you can gather your strength and pull yourself together. Please don't think bad thoughts about yourself.

jan

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: <jenniferhermanski@...> Sent: Thu, February 10, 2011 8:29:03 PMSubject: ( ) end of my rope

so does it make me a bad mother that I have decied I am not going to do this anymore? I just can't. I am sending to live with his father on the opposite coast. They barely know eachother. I am scared and heart broken and relieved all at the same time.I ame to this descision after yet another meltdown two days ago in which my youngest was kicked by her brother. That was pretty much the final straw.I am going through a lot right now and I have been totally unable to deal with my own crap and my own mental and physical health state due to the fact that every spare minute is consumed with my son. My own husband made some horrible choices and got heavily involved with drugs and is now on his way to prison, which means I am suddenly a single parent and I have no clue how to do this. I have a lot of things to straighten out in my life right now and as long as I have I will never be able to take care of anything else. I really feel

that I am at the end of my rope and have nothing left to give david but love from afar for a time. plus the schools here suck and they are failing my son miserably. He is simply not thriving and I don't know what else to do. His father is taking his AS diagnosis quite seriously and is doing as much research as he can before my son gets there (it will be about a month) and I have encouraged him to join this group.When I told about my descision I guess I expected an emotional reaction. I dont know why I would expect him to feel sad over moving away from me. He isn't connected with me or anybody. He immediately starts talking about all the video games him and his dad will play together. I asked him if he will miss me and he said "well yeah I guess but I will only be gone a few years."Getting that response from him felt like a slap in the face and yet I know it was totallu unresonable of me to expect anything more. Well hes coming

inside now so I have to get off the computer or at least stop typing about him. I feel like the worst parent in the world right now.

February 10, 2011

thanks but in reality I have no clue what situation I am sending my son

into. His dad came here to CA and spent a week with him in December, but other

than that we haven,t seen him in six years. He is married with three step

children now and I have no clue who his wife and kids are. His wife and I

exchanged some unpleasant words on thje phone a few weeks ago and I really hope

this doesn't effect the way she treats my son. I texted my ex today and told

him that he needs to insist his wife research aspergers in the next weeks and

told him to tell her not to expect some sweet little boy that she will form a

bond with. I know that my ex understands that doesn't bond but I wonder

how much his wife understands. there is also a language barrier as his wife

speaks minimal english.

I guess I am worried about trivial things, and I keep reminding myself and my

ex has assurred me that HE is the parent and his wife will not overstep that

boundary, but I worry. I am so unsure about what sort of a place I am sending

my son. I have no doubt in my mind that his dad loves him and will do anything

he can for him, but I worry about the wife I have never met. I suppose I would

be crazy not to have anxiety about this though.

I also then wonder how long this will last. How long till my sons behavior

takes a toll on my exes household and marriage? How long before he hits one of

his new step siblings or does something that causes the wife or even his dad to

come to the end of THEIR rope?

> >

> > so does it make me a bad mother that I have decied I am not going to do

this anymore? I just can't. I am sending to live with his father on the

opposite coast. They barely know eachother. I am scared and heart broken and

relieved all at the same time.

> > I ame to this descision after yet another meltdown two days ago in which

my youngest was kicked by her brother. That was pretty much the final straw.

> > I am going through a lot right now and I have been totally unable to deal

with my own crap and my own mental and physical health

>

RThanks

February 10, 2011

thanks for the ideas . While my son absolutely Hates talking on the phone

and he hates holding writing utensils I could easeily set him up with an email

account. If i expect him to write me or call me then I am just imposing

unpleasantness on our special communication time. But if he can text me or e

mail me that would be a pleasant experience for him.

> >

> > so does it make me a bad mother that I have decied I am not going to do this

> >anymore? I just can't. I am sending to live with his father on the

> >opposite coast. They barely know eachother. I am scared and heart broken and

> >relieved all at the same time.

> > I ame to this descision after yet another meltdown two days ago in which my

> >youngest was kicked by her brother. That was pretty much the final straw.

> > I am going through a lot right now and I have been totally unable to deal

with

> >my own crap and my own mental and physical health

> >

>

Thanks for the ideas jj

February 11, 2011

As long as you assure your son you love him and if he needs anything he can call you whenever, I would do your best to let it go. The other kids my be a challenge for him if he already treats his siblings in the way you describe at your house, but who knows, may be this change of settting will be a fresh start. Maybe he needs the male influence in his life. It is so hard to tell I am a single mom and share custody with my kids'dad. When the kids are gone, all I do is worry but when they are with me, there are moments when I really think it would be best if my Aspie son were with my ex when I had the other kids and we traded back and forth so the other kids did not have to live with the way he treats them. Then I think he will never learn to treat them better if they are not around,

and I am just confused and exhausted by not knowing what is the right thing to do. What is the worse thing that could happen- he goes it turns out bad and he comes back with a new apprecaition for you and your home? At least you will have time to rest and get yourself to a better place. It is good your ex is taking it seriously. It is always possible your son is reacting to the stress in your life as mucha s you are too, so if they have a calmer existence maybe he won't act out as much. I know when I am stressed or things are hectic my son has way more episodes than normally.

From: <jenniferhermanski@...> Sent: Thu, February 10, 2011 11:28:00 PMSubject: ( ) Re: end of my rope

thanks but in reality I have no clue what situation I am sending my son into. His dad came here to CA and spent a week with him in December, but other than that we haven,t seen him in six years. He is married with three step children now and I have no clue who his wife and kids are. His wife and I exchanged some unpleasant words on thje phone a few weeks ago and I really hope this doesn't effect the way she treats my son. I texted my ex today and told him that he needs to insist his wife research aspergers in the next weeks and told him to tell her not to expect some sweet little boy that she will form a bond with. I know that my ex understands that doesn't bond but I wonder how much his wife understands. there is also a language barrier as his wife speaks minimal english.I guess I am worried about trivial things, and I keep reminding myself and my ex has assurred me that HE is the parent and his wife will not overstep that boundary,

but I worry. I am so unsure about what sort of a place I am sending my son. I have no doubt in my mind that his dad loves him and will do anything he can for him, but I worry about the wife I have never met. I suppose I would be crazy not to have anxiety about this though. I also then wonder how long this will last. How long till my sons behavior takes a toll on my exes household and marriage? How long before he hits one of his new step siblings or does something that causes the wife or even his dad to come to the end of THEIR rope?> >> > so does it make me a bad mother that I have decied I am not going to do this anymore? I

just can't. I am sending to live with his father on the opposite coast. They barely know eachother. I am scared and heart broken and relieved all at the same time.> > I ame to this descision after yet another meltdown two days ago in which my youngest was kicked by her brother. That was pretty much the final straw.> > I am going through a lot right now and I have been totally unable to deal with my own crap and my own mental and physical health>RThanks

February 11, 2011

No, there are no respite services available for a child with AS in my area.

If I had this option my son would not be moving to his dads. If any agency could

offer me any kind of help whatsoever my son would be staying with me.

>

> >

> > so does it make me a bad mother that I have decied I am not going to do

> > this anymore? I just can't. I am sending to live with his father on

> > the opposite coast. They barely know eachother. I am scared and heart broken

> > and relieved all at the same time.

> > I ame to this descision after yet another meltdown two days ago in which my

> > youngest was kicked by her brother. That was pretty much the final straw.

> > I am going through a lot right now and I have been totally unable to deal

> > with my own crap and my own mental and physical health state due to the fact

> > that every spare minute is consumed with my son. My own husband made some

> > horrible choices and got heavily involved with drugs and is now on his way

> > to prison, which means I am suddenly a single parent and I have no clue how

> > to do this. I have a lot of things to straighten out in my life right now

> > and as long as I have I will never be able to take care of anything

> > else.

> > I really feel that I am at the end of my rope and have nothing left to give

> > david but love from afar for a time. plus the schools here suck and they are

> > failing my son miserably. He is simply not thriving and I don't know what

> > else to do.

> > His father is taking his AS diagnosis quite seriously and is doing as much

> > research as he can before my son gets there (it will be about a month) and I

> > have encouraged him to join this group.

> > When I told about my descision I guess I expected an emotional

> > reaction. I dont know why I would expect him to feel sad over moving away

> > from me. He isn't connected with me or anybody. He immediately starts

> > talking about all the video games him and his dad will play together. I

> > asked him if he will miss me and he said " well yeah I guess but I will only

> > be gone a few years. "

> > Getting that response from him felt like a slap in the face and yet I know

> > it was totallu unresonable of me to expect anything more.

> > Well hes coming inside now so I have to get off the computer or at least

> > stop typing about him. I feel like the worst parent in the world right now.

> >

>

> --

> Beth Massmann

> Albany, NY area

> Vice President Crest Care Inc.

> Crest Care District 1 Coordinator

> Membership Map and Adoption Applications Coordinator

> mommy to Abby, Kiki, and 2 legged son

> Rainbow Bridge love: Sasha

> www.crest-care.net

> www.xolorescueusa.org

>

> " Until you have held a tiny puppy in your arms as it kissed your face with

> slobbery puppy breath and felt the love, Until you have held an injured or

> severely ill dog in your arms and felt their pain and until you have looked

> into the eyes of a tired aging senior dog and felt their wisdom, You will

> never understand the life of a rescuer.

> We find beauty in the most incomprehensible places and the otherwise homely

> faces. It is our gift to see beyond the dirt, terror, sadness and defeat and

> find the true soul that lies within. We are Rescue. " Kathie

> Sullivan-Parkes, Topsham, VT

>

February 11, 2011

Debby, just the thought of somebody hugging me right now brought tears to my

eyes. Thank you so much for your support :0)

> >

> > so does it make me a bad mother that I have decied I am not going to do

this anymore? I just can't. I am sending to live with his father on the

opposite coast. They barely know eachother. I am scared and heart broken and

relieved all at the same time.

> > I ame to this descision after yet another meltdown two days ago in which

my youngest was kicked by her brother. That was pretty much the final straw.

> > I am going through a lot right now and I have been totally unable to deal

with my own crap and my own mental and physical health state due to the fact

that every spare minute is consumed with my son. My own husband made some

horrible choices and got heavily involved with drugs and is now on his way to

prison, which means I am suddenly a single parent and I have no clue how to do

this. I have a lot of things to straighten out in my life right now and as long

as I have I will never be able to take care of anything else.

> > I really feel that I am at the end of my rope and have nothing left to

give david but love from afar for a time. plus the schools here suck and they

are failing my son miserably. He is simply not thriving and I don't know what

else to do.

> > His father is taking his AS diagnosis quite seriously and is doing as

much research as he can before my son gets there (it will be about a month) and

I have encouraged him to join this group.

> > When I told about my descision I guess I expected an emotional

reaction. I dont know why I would expect him to feel sad over moving away from

me. He isn't connected with me or anybody. He immediately starts talking about

all the video games him and his dad will play together. I asked him if he will

miss me and he said " well yeah I guess but I will only be gone a few years. "

> > Getting that response from him felt like a slap in the face and yet I

know it was totallu unresonable of me to expect anything more.

> > Well hes coming inside now so I have to get off the computer or at least

stop typing about him. I feel like the worst parent in the world right now.

> >

>

February 11, 2011

Honestly , you are doing the best thing you can for your Aspie child and the other children in your home.You're incredibly lucky that your son's father is taking his diagnosis seriously.Like you, I'm a single parent. Adam's father... I don't know if he just doesn't care or doesn't believe me or the professionals. I've done everything I can, but nothing works. Adam has to go every month for visitation and it completely destroys him. Basically, I fight this alone. From: <@...> Sent: Thu, February 10, 2011 8:28:17 PMSubject: ( ) Re: end of my rope

(((hugs))) !

Well his dad sounds like he'll be a safe place for to be, he's taking the dx seriously you said and reading up on it. I'm glad you have that option, to feel he'll be safe, cared for with his dad. (said by a single mom who didn't have that option with my ex)

If you hadn't anyone to take him (I hadn't read that far in your note yet), I was trying to think of options for you so you could get some time/respite from the daily care of . So I was glad to read what you said about his dad.

Hey, as a single parent I know it's overwhelming at times. And you have so much extra going on right now. I would try to look at this like you are doing what is best for you right now, what is best for right now, and that this isn't necessarily a "forever" thing, it's just for "whatever period" it needs to be.

Yeah, it stings when they don't seem to care about us or will miss us, etc. But he DOES care and love you. And you know that. On the bright side, it's good that he feels fine about going to stay with dad and isn't upset, that'd just increase the load on your shoulders right now.

That was a brave, and good, decision you made and so happy you do have that option of a caring, safe place for him to stay, plus you can keep in such close touch, etc. I'm sure dad will have lots of questions for you and want some guidance on things!

Hang in there and let us know how the preparation and transition goes. There's a lot of single parents in this group (hopefully, besides ME!) so you're not alone in that!

single mom, 3 sons

, 22

>

> so does it make me a bad mother that I have decied I am not going to do this anymore? I just can't. I am sending to live with his father on the opposite coast. They barely know eachother. I am scared and heart broken and relieved all at the same time.

> I ame to this descision after yet another meltdown two days ago in which my youngest was kicked by her brother. That was pretty much the final straw.

> I am going through a lot right now and I have been totally unable to deal with my own crap and my own mental and physical health

February 11, 2011

You know , your not a bad mother , i can barely take care of my three boys , and my husband and i live together!! I couldnt imagine trying to do it on my own!! Your decision is OK, your doing whats best for your son , and for you , you need a break ..... so you can re group and be the best mom you can be to your son!! You are very lucky that his dad has been so supportive of you and is doing research for his son... that really just warms my heart that he is so excited to have his son around!! And it is important , weather you need a break or not , its important for your son to have a father in his life , and for him to really know his father, its the dads turn to take on raising your son for a while, your still his mother , you will always be his mother , and he knows that!! I am sure your son

is very excited , and so if he isnt sad , then you should try not to be!! I know i know , easier said then done right? .... but i feel like you are realizing he isnt thriving here with you , and he needs a happy mom , not a stressed out always sad mom!! EVERYTHING happens for a reason , and look at it like his dad gets to try and help your son and be a good romodel for him, ( not that you arent ofcourse) but every little boy needs a dad to guide them a little!! My heart is so badly breaking for you , i started to cry when i read your email , i know how sad you must feel , and sometimes you dont want to hear " everything is going to be ok" but im gonna say it anyway , YOU ARE A GREAT MOTHER , you are probably one of the most unselfish people i have meet, because your making a very hard decision , and you decided whats best for your son , and its not selfish to say that you need a break too! I wouldnt want my kids to have to always hear

me cry , listen to me yell , your depressed ..... and its hard , so i just hope when he is gone you take the time for youself to get your mind and spirit healthy again!! I would also maybe talk to a therapist , or even just us here at the group , everyday about what your feeling , so you dont have to go through this alone , we are alllll here for you to support you , God bless you and your son!! :)Meaghan....p.s. i also am giving you a great BIG virtual hug , you are a great mother , your doing the right thing, and i think your son will be just fine , and very happy :)From:

<jenniferhermanski@...> Sent: Fri, February 11, 2011 9:38:53 AMSubject: ( ) Re: end of my rope

Debby, just the thought of somebody hugging me right now brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for your support :0)

> >

> > so does it make me a bad mother that I have decied I am not going to do this anymore? I just can't. I am sending to live with his father on the opposite coast. They barely know eachother. I am scared and heart broken and relieved all at the same time.

> > I ame to this descision after yet another meltdown two days ago in which my youngest was kicked by her brother. That was pretty much the final straw.

> > I am going through a lot right now and I have been totally unable to deal with my own crap and my own mental and physical health state due to the fact that every spare minute is consumed with my son. My own husband made some horrible choices and got heavily involved with drugs and is now on his way to prison, which means I am suddenly a single parent and I have no clue how to do this. I have a lot of things to straighten out in my life right now and as long as I have I will never be able to take care of anything else.

> > I really feel that I am at the end of my rope and have nothing left to give david but love from afar for a time. plus the schools here suck and they are failing my son miserably. He is simply not thriving and I don't know what else to do.

> > His father is taking his AS diagnosis quite seriously and is doing as much research as he can before my son gets there (it will be about a month) and I have encouraged him to join this group.

> > When I told about my descision I guess I expected an emotional reaction. I dont know why I would expect him to feel sad over moving away from me. He isn't connected with me or anybody. He immediately starts talking about all the video games him and his dad will play together. I asked him if he will miss me and he said "well yeah I guess but I will only be gone a few years."

> > Getting that response from him felt like a slap in the face and yet I know it was totallu unresonable of me to expect anything more.

> > Well hes coming inside now so I have to get off the computer or at least stop typing about him. I feel like the worst parent in the world right now.

> >

>

February 11, 2011

That was my exact thought. I have my husband but even still I don't

think I would pass up the oppurtunitry to send her somewhere else, at

least for a break, it is so hard to do this day in and day out

On 2/11/11, Meaghan Larson <meaghanlarson@...> wrote:

> You know , your not a bad mother , i can barely take care of my three boys ,

> and

> my husband and i live together!! I couldnt imagine trying to do it on my

> own!!

> Your decision is OK, your doing whats best for your son , and for you , you

> need

> a break ..... so you can re group and be the best mom you can be to your

> son!!

> You are very lucky that his dad has been so supportive of you and is doing

> research for his son... that really just warms my heart that he is so

> excited to

> have his son around!! And it is important , weather you need a break or not

> ,

> its important for your son to have a father in his life , and for him to

> really

> know his father, its the dads turn to take on raising your son for a while,

> your

> still his mother , you will always be his mother , and he knows that!! I am

> sure

> your son is very excited , and so if he isnt sad , then you should try not

> to

> be!! I know i know , easier said then done right? .... but i feel like you

> are

> realizing he isnt thriving here with you , and he needs a happy mom , not a

> stressed out always sad mom!! EVERYTHING happens for a reason , and look at

> it

> like his dad gets to try and help your son and be a good romodel for him, (

> not

> that you arent ofcourse) but every little boy needs a dad to guide them a

> little!! My heart is so badly breaking for you , i started to cry when i

> read

> your email , i know how sad you must feel , and sometimes you dont want to

> hear

> " everything is going to be ok " but im gonna say it anyway , YOU ARE A

> GREAT

> MOTHER , you are probably one of the most unselfish people i have meet,

> because

> your making a very hard decision , and you decided whats best for your son ,

> and

> its not selfish to say that you need a break too! I wouldnt want my kids to

> have

> to always hear me cry , listen to me yell , your depressed ..... and its

> hard ,

> so i just hope when he is gone you take the time for youself to get your

> mind

> and spirit healthy again!! I would also maybe talk to a therapist , or even

> just

> us here at the group , everyday about what your feeling , so you dont have

> to go

> through this alone , we are alllll here for you to support you , God bless

> you

> and your son!!

>

> Meaghan....p.s. i also am giving you a great BIG virtual hug , you are a

> great

> mother , your doing the right thing, and i think your son will be just fine

> ,

> and very happy

>

> ________________________________

> From: <jenniferhermanski@...>

>

> Sent: Fri, February 11, 2011 9:38:53 AM

> Subject: ( ) Re: end of my rope

>

> Debby, just the thought of somebody hugging me right now brought tears to my

> eyes. Thank you so much for your support :0)

>

>> >

>> > so does it make me a bad mother that I have decied I am not going to

>> > do

>>this anymore? I just can't. I am sending to live with his father on

>> the

>>opposite coast. They barely know eachother. I am scared and heart broken

>> and

>>relieved all at the same time.

>> > I ame to this descision after yet another meltdown two days ago in

>> > which

>>my youngest was kicked by her brother. That was pretty much the final

>> straw.

>> > I am going through a lot right now and I have been totally unable to

>> > deal

>>with my own crap and my own mental and physical health state due to the

>> fact

>>that every spare minute is consumed with my son. My own husband made some

>>horrible choices and got heavily involved with drugs and is now on his way

>> to

>>prison, which means I am suddenly a single parent and I have no clue how to

>> do

>>this. I have a lot of things to straighten out in my life right now and as

>> long

>>as I have I will never be able to take care of anything else.

>>

>> > I really feel that I am at the end of my rope and have nothing left

>> > to

>>give david but love from afar for a time. plus the schools here suck and

>> they

>>are failing my son miserably. He is simply not thriving and I don't know

>> what

>>else to do.

>>

>> > His father is taking his AS diagnosis quite seriously and is doing as

>> > much

>>research as he can before my son gets there (it will be about a month) and

>> I

>>have encouraged him to join this group.

>> > When I told about my descision I guess I expected an emotional

>>reaction. I dont know why I would expect him to feel sad over moving away

>> from

>>me. He isn't connected with me or anybody. He immediately starts talking

>> about

>>all the video games him and his dad will play together. I asked him if he

>> will

>>miss me and he said " well yeah I guess but I will only be gone a few

>> years. "

>> > Getting that response from him felt like a slap in the face and yet I

>> > know

>>it was totallu unresonable of me to expect anything more.

>>

>> > Well hes coming inside now so I have to get off the computer or at

>> > least

>>stop typing about him. I feel like the worst parent in the world right now.

>> >

>>

>

--

Sent from my mobile device

-mommy to Emma, Becca, ,

, , and Leah

February 12, 2011

Amen and Ditto. My husband and I have days where he swears he's sending Maddie to a group home or something and that's the end of his rope. He'll leave long enough to cool down. ((((((hugs))))))

Mom to my 4 girls

Madeline, Cayla, Arabella, & Vincenza

"You are the TRIP I did not take

You are the PEARLS I cannot buy

You are the blue Italian LAKE

YOU are my piece of foreign SKY"

---Anne ----

( ) Re: end of my rope