Re: A different point of view.

February 10, 2010

I am in total agreement with what you have written Vickie.

Very well put and thoughtfull.

I too have spent the time learning for myself and teaching others about my DS

since he was 5. He is AS with ADD mixed in. While he is borderline for both, he

can be a handful when he wants to be.

He is now in 8th grade moving into high school. My ex and I have spent a lot of

timing going to open houses for the choice high school program offered here in

Wisconsin. My son was able to get into a small choice school which has a liberal

arts lean and focuses on leadership/team building skills. They are funded by the

Bill Gates foundation and is a chater school. My son is very excited about going

there because art is his thing.

This year has been tough. Kids picking and bullying him on the bus stop, a dean

of students that just takes things at face value instead of investigating. My

son has a great resource coordinator this year and she communicates all issues

that happen at school good and bad. Because of this he is carrying a 3.33 GPA

and has made the honor roll.

Things can work well and that should be recognized.

I am now involved with a great man who loves my son for who he is and has taken

the time to learn about AS and how it affects my son. This man is also starting

to realize that he may have some similarities with AS and learns from my son

each day. They have bonded and it is great to watch them as they both share

there " intense " interests in their areas they love. They have opened up their

worlds to each other and that is very special indeed.

Yes, when the bad days come they are bad. It is always good to recognize the

good ones as they carry us through to the ultimate goal. Acceptance of all.

Janice in Wisconsin

---- baneline1 <baneline1@...> wrote:

> I would like to share some thoughts that I have had over the last week or so

after reading the posts. I know that there is a lot of frustration toward

schools and teachers and I just wanted to provide a different point of view for

concideration. This is not meant to upset anyone who is having problems with

their child.

>

> When my son started having trouble and getting diagnosed I was completely

ignorant to most special needs issues. I will admit that I thought ADHD was an

excuse for parents not knowing how to parent. I was a complete snob about it

and thought that they were all a bunch of kids that needed a little discipline.

Well then my son was diagnosed ADHD and I had to shift my perspective. I had to

learn, very quickly what ADHD was really all about. As it turned out my son was

not really ADHD it was a symptom of his AS (which is not uncommon for the

diagnosis to get tweeked as they get older.)

>

> So I had years to learn first about ADHD and later about PDD's and AS with the

help of many different specialists. The Psychologists, Psychiatrist and

Neuropsycological testing all helped me to understand why my son does what he

does and learn techniques for dealing with them.

>

> I don't understand why as a group of parent that have gone to hell and back

again trying to learn about our own children and their disability we are so

uncompasionate toward others who don't understand. We come together as parents

every day/week to ask each other for help yet we expect the teachers and schools

to immediately know what to do. Even if the teachers have had some experience

with Autism, Aspergers, PDD, ADHD, ODD or OCD they have never dealt with a child

that is just like mine. Because they are all different. That is the nature of

how AS affects them.

>

> Furthermore, if you have ever taken time to really talk to any of teachers and

administrators you will find that often times they are dealing with a lot of

other children and parents beside just YOUR child. Many time they are dealing

with parents who refuse to see their child as having any problem at all and just

expect the school to handle it.

>

> Then they have the laws to deal with. The school can't just decide to treat

your child different because they see a need. Have you ever sat down and read

the Federal or State laws or the school district policy. It is just like

running a business everything must be documented and all children must be held

to the same rules unless they have been placed into and IEP or Accomodation

plan. If they don't dot the i's and cross the t's they can get sued.

>

> Of course the schools must also look at the money part. But, if your child is

in special ed they get extra money for that. If you have not done your part to

get them in special ed than it is going to cost the district money to provide

services and they are not likely to agree. They don't do this because they want

to keep the money for themselves. There is a limited pool of money that they

have to work with and the aren't going to get more by going out to the " stash "

in the back.

>

> I believe that there are some very BAD teachers and school districts out

there. But there are also some very good ones (I happen to be in one of them).

Most are somewhere in between. I believe that most teachers have a good heart

and want to help children but they are also just people who make mistakes. Not

all of my childrens teachers have been great some have not even been very good.

I just try to really help them to learn from my son so they will be better with

the next child that comes along with a disability.

>

> I know that this sounds preachy and some of you will be angry after reading it

but I really felt compelled to write. If even one person can stop and put

yourself in someone elses shoes for a minute maybe we can make progress toward

having better schools for every child.

>

> I believe in doing my part of my sons education which is making sure that my

son is diagnosed and treated properly. I do this by working with the doctors.

I work hard to educate the school district as to my sons disablity and how it

affects his education. And I hold the school accountable to follow the law. The

law is really on our side if we do our part.

>

> I hope I have not upset anyone to much.

>

> Vickie

>

> ------------------------------------

>

February 10, 2010

Wow, Janice I am so glad to hear about your new relationship. It is such a hard

road to go down I can't even imagine doing it alone. Not that it hasn't caused

a lot of stress between my husband and I but we work well together and we both

have our strenghs and weaknesses.

Vickie

> > I would like to share some thoughts that I have had over the last week or so

after reading the posts. I know that there is a lot of frustration toward

schools and teachers and I just wanted to provide a different point of view for

concideration. This is not meant to upset anyone who is having problems with

their child.

> >

> > When my son started having trouble and getting diagnosed I was completely

ignorant to most special needs issues. I will admit that I thought ADHD was an

excuse for parents not knowing how to parent. I was a complete snob about it

and thought that they were all a bunch of kids that needed a little discipline.

Well then my son was diagnosed ADHD and I had to shift my perspective. I had to

learn, very quickly what ADHD was really all about. As it turned out my son was

not really ADHD it was a symptom of his AS (which is not uncommon for the

diagnosis to get tweeked as they get older.)

> >

> > So I had years to learn first about ADHD and later about PDD's and AS with

the help of many different specialists. The Psychologists, Psychiatrist and

Neuropsycological testing all helped me to understand why my son does what he

does and learn techniques for dealing with them.

> >

> > I don't understand why as a group of parent that have gone to hell and back

again trying to learn about our own children and their disability we are so

uncompasionate toward others who don't understand. We come together as parents

every day/week to ask each other for help yet we expect the teachers and schools

to immediately know what to do. Even if the teachers have had some experience

with Autism, Aspergers, PDD, ADHD, ODD or OCD they have never dealt with a child

that is just like mine. Because they are all different. That is the nature of

how AS affects them.

> >

> > Furthermore, if you have ever taken time to really talk to any of teachers

and administrators you will find that often times they are dealing with a lot of

other children and parents beside just YOUR child. Many time they are dealing

with parents who refuse to see their child as having any problem at all and just

expect the school to handle it.

> >

> > Then they have the laws to deal with. The school can't just decide to treat

your child different because they see a need. Have you ever sat down and read

the Federal or State laws or the school district policy. It is just like

running a business everything must be documented and all children must be held

to the same rules unless they have been placed into and IEP or Accomodation

plan. If they don't dot the i's and cross the t's they can get sued.

> >

> > Of course the schools must also look at the money part. But, if your child

is in special ed they get extra money for that. If you have not done your part

to get them in special ed than it is going to cost the district money to provide

services and they are not likely to agree. They don't do this because they want

to keep the money for themselves. There is a limited pool of money that they

have to work with and the aren't going to get more by going out to the " stash "

in the back.

> >

> > I believe that there are some very BAD teachers and school districts out

there. But there are also some very good ones (I happen to be in one of them).

Most are somewhere in between. I believe that most teachers have a good heart

and want to help children but they are also just people who make mistakes. Not

all of my childrens teachers have been great some have not even been very good.

I just try to really help them to learn from my son so they will be better with

the next child that comes along with a disability.

> >

> > I know that this sounds preachy and some of you will be angry after reading

it but I really felt compelled to write. If even one person can stop and put

yourself in someone elses shoes for a minute maybe we can make progress toward

having better schools for every child.

> >

> > I believe in doing my part of my sons education which is making sure that my

son is diagnosed and treated properly. I do this by working with the doctors.

I work hard to educate the school district as to my sons disablity and how it

affects his education. And I hold the school accountable to follow the law. The

law is really on our side if we do our part.

> >

> > I hope I have not upset anyone to much.

> >

> > Vickie

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> >

February 10, 2010

Hi,

I thought the same as you did until my recent attempt to continue

services for my daughter. She is in a spec ed preschool and they wanted

took all her services away (against the law) despite standardized

testing showing her obvious need and their own observations (aside from

my husband and I). I got everything back after a very hard fight and

based on her evals she needs more.

I felt the same appreciation and was very grateful for their hard work

until they sat in front of me and lied to my face repeatedly and also

told me things like " the 1st percentile on a test isn't that bad. " I'm

glad you haven't had trouble getting help for your son. I know some

places are like that. Maybe some day I'll find a place like that.

I know that I'm glad I'm college educated and could teach myself about

AS disorders so I would be able to fight back against their deceptions

here because, since they have a DEGREE in these disorders and continue

to get further education in them regularly at this spec ed school...

they know much more about my daughter's deficits than even I do.

Seriously I'm so glad that you've had a positive experience. Sadly, in

most places, it is those who blindly accept that professionals have

their child's best interests at heart that end up finding out that their

child hasn't gotten the best care or even adequate services for the best

life possible. Right now I can say I'm angry at myself because I was

scammed. I believed that the slps and ots and sped ed teachers were

doing what was best for my daughter and she's just been spinning her

wheels this past year because of lost services that they said she didn't

need, etc. Now I can't get the lost services back and we're going into

kindergarten behind the 8 ball because of it. I met with the head of the

school this morning and got more circle talk. I probably will not be

able to sign the IEP for the summer. It's not enough.

Sorry for the ramble,

Jen

baneline1 wrote:

>

> I would like to share some thoughts that I have had over the last week

> or so after reading the posts. I know that there is a lot of

> frustration toward schools and teachers and I just wanted to provide a

> different point of view for concideration. This is not meant to upset

> anyone who is having problems with their child.

>

> When my son started having trouble and getting diagnosed I was

> completely ignorant to most special needs issues. I will admit that I

> thought ADHD was an excuse for parents not knowing how to parent. I

> was a complete snob about it and thought that they were all a bunch of

> kids that needed a little discipline. Well then my son was diagnosed

> ADHD and I had to shift my perspective. I had to learn, very quickly

> what ADHD was really all about. As it turned out my son was not really

> ADHD it was a symptom of his AS (which is not uncommon for the

> diagnosis to get tweeked as they get older.)

>

> So I had years to learn first about ADHD and later about PDD's and AS

> with the help of many different specialists. The Psychologists,

> Psychiatrist and Neuropsycological testing all helped me to understand

> why my son does what he does and learn techniques for dealing with them.

>

> I don't understand why as a group of parent that have gone to hell and

> back again trying to learn about our own children and their disability

> we are so uncompasionate toward others who don't understand. We come

> together as parents every day/week to ask each other for help yet we

> expect the teachers and schools to immediately know what to do. Even

> if the teachers have had some experience with Autism, Aspergers, PDD,

> ADHD, ODD or OCD they have never dealt with a child that is just like

> mine. Because they are all different. That is the nature of how AS

> affects them.

>

> Furthermore, if you have ever taken time to really talk to any of

> teachers and administrators you will find that often times they are

> dealing with a lot of other children and parents beside just YOUR

> child. Many time they are dealing with parents who refuse to see their

> child as having any problem at all and just expect the school to

> handle it.

>

> Then they have the laws to deal with. The school can't just decide to

> treat your child different because they see a need. Have you ever sat

> down and read the Federal or State laws or the school district policy.

> It is just like running a business everything must be documented and

> all children must be held to the same rules unless they have been

> placed into and IEP or Accomodation plan. If they don't dot the i's

> and cross the t's they can get sued.

>

> Of course the schools must also look at the money part. But, if your

> child is in special ed they get extra money for that. If you have not

> done your part to get them in special ed than it is going to cost the

> district money to provide services and they are not likely to agree.

> They don't do this because they want to keep the money for themselves.

> There is a limited pool of money that they have to work with and the

> aren't going to get more by going out to the " stash " in the back.

>

> I believe that there are some very BAD teachers and school districts

> out there. But there are also some very good ones (I happen to be in

> one of them). Most are somewhere in between. I believe that most

> teachers have a good heart and want to help children but they are also

> just people who make mistakes. Not all of my childrens teachers have

> been great some have not even been very good. I just try to really

> help them to learn from my son so they will be better with the next

> child that comes along with a disability.

>

> I know that this sounds preachy and some of you will be angry after

> reading it but I really felt compelled to write. If even one person

> can stop and put yourself in someone elses shoes for a minute maybe we

> can make progress toward having better schools for every child.

>

> I believe in doing my part of my sons education which is making sure

> that my son is diagnosed and treated properly. I do this by working

> with the doctors. I work hard to educate the school district as to my

> sons disablity and how it affects his education. And I hold the school

> accountable to follow the law. The law is really on our side if we do

> our part.

>

> I hope I have not upset anyone to much.

>

> Vickie

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

>

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February 10, 2010

Jen,

I have to agree with you, I feel a lot of parents including myself started out in their quest for their AS child's education on a positive note, only to end up frustrated and disappointed in the school system. I believe there are positive experiences out there like the one Vicki had but they are a rare occurrence. I would just caution Vicky, your child still has many years of school left, when there are budget cuts or change in schools the staff and programs that where put in place for your child will also change.

Thanks,

Dawn

February 10, 2010

Pam- Totally with you on this one.

I admit I haven't read each reply thoroughly, but my immediate thought is this:

I am TELLING the school what multiple professionals have diagnosed my child

with,and recommendations they have made. I have done enough online research and

have enough experience with my own child, that THEY SHOULD LISTEN TO ME WHEN I

TELL THEM WHAT MY CHILD NEEDS! What I DO NOT need the school doing is trying to

talk me out of the fact that my child has special needs because she isn't 'that

far behind'. They have spent more energy trying to convince me that she's not

enough of a problem to warrant their resources, and I am insulted and frustrated

to say the least.

Fortunately, there is a possibility that my husband can be relocated through his

job. We are hoping we can get back to an area with a school district that seems

to care more about the children they are responsible for teaching, than about

not having to spend an extra dime.

>

> We/parents depend on school systems to find children with

> learning disabilities regardless if they are based in reading based

> disorders or in the broad base of executive function learning disorders(ADD,

AS, PDD or emotional issues).

>

> Executive function disorders are well documented in the special

> education communities.

>

> Schools test kids for the most common type of reading disorders

> " decoding " of words. And that is about it.

>

> Schools won't acknowledge a learning issue unless a child is

> usually 2 years below grade level. By this time a child hates

> school and has their self esteem shot.

>

> We need to do more to advocate for changes.

>

> Pam

>

February 10, 2010

Parents definitely need to do their homework and nothing is really gained by

pointing fingers and being negative. It is very VERY difficult not to become

negative, however, when the school really isn't doing it's job and that has

happened. It happened to me. I did all my homework. was diagnosed by

childfind of County land in October of 2000. He had an IEP shortly

after that. He was 3.5 years old. The school where we were did a fantastic job

and we all worked together. I was told by the staff there that I was doing all

the right things. When finished the early childhood program and started

first grade at the school closest to our home (the EEC was in another elementary

school in the district) the previous school told the staff at the new school,

" Mrs. Banash is very involved and works very hard with her son. She has been

very supportive of the people who work with him. " Yes, I have a history of

being positive and a team player. They were doing a great job and everyone was

happy.

When we moved to Texas it didn't take long to find out how bad things were. The

teachers lied to me about how was doing. He started becoming aggressive.

He came home and was aggressive at home and started hitting, kicking, biting his

sister all the time. I was told it was my fault. 's IEP was completely

destroyed. They took away everything except speech therapy. They took away all

behavioral support. Then when he started having a rough time, melting down

every day, hitting, kicking biting, deteriorating, they blamed me and tried to

say was emotionally disturbed. Just prior to our move a doctor said, " He

has asperger syndrome but it well adjusted. " Funny, I thought " well-adjusted "

and " emotionally disturbed " were mutually exclusive. It's oxymoronic. Things

had to get extremely bad and I worked SO hard and did all my homework and did my

best to stay positive.

Then one day I had this amazing revelation. I thought to myself, " is

advocating for himself in the only way he can. " His behavior was his way of

communicating that things were not right. Somehow this empowered me and though

my behavior didn't change a great deal, my confidence did. I think it did

something to my demeanor or maybe I started secreting some pheromone that caused

people to take me seriously. I had an amazing conversation with the special ed

team leader. She said, " Mrs. Banash, this behavior has to stop! " She was

talking about . I said calmly and politely, " Yes, it does. What are you

going to do about it? " The team leader said, " We are going to have to have a

MEETING with you and MR. BANASH. " In an angry and threatening tone. I spoke

again in a polite tone and said, " Oh, yes, that's a great idea. Can we have the

meeting tomorrow. " The team leader stammered and backpedaled. " We can't get a

meeting together that quickly. " Blah blah blah. I had to fight not to laugh.

I hadn't said anything mean or untrue but I probably did have a smirk on my

face. Shortly after this we were offered the opportunity to move to

another school with a classroom for kids with asperger syndrome or high

functioning autism. We took a long while to think about it and we had an

advocate tell us she thought it was good. They showed us a video of the class

in session. It looked great. We took it. It was wonderful.

This isn't the whole story. Prior to realizing was advocating for himself

I called people every day. I called administration. was sent to " special

programs " which is a behavior school. I took out after 2 days even though

he was supposed to be there for 10 days. I called the school and told them I

considered what they were doing abusive. Screaming at the kids, restraining

because he forgot to raise his hand to get up and go to the bathroom.

Ignoring when said his foot was hurting. His regular school took him back

at that point.

Sometimes schools DON'T do what they are supposed to do even when we have an IEP

and sometimes things aren't pretty. I think most parents on this list are

working hard, very hard, to get educated, to get IEPs for their kids and then to

make sure the schools follow the IEPs.

I agree, though, that if someone isn't educating themselves to the best of their

ability and are expecting things from schools when the paperwork isn't in place

that they need to do so. It isn't easy. If we'd gone to TX without an IEP I

doubt we'd have gotten one. I know people who can't get IEPs down there. Our

developmental pediatrician in TX was SO happy we were moving to New Hampshire

where he felt we'd get better services. So far he has been right. I haven't

had to fight as hard and the school is following the IEP and life is much less

stressful.

The biggest problem I see with this post is that parents are often blamed by

schools and I'd rather not go there.

Still, you make a reasonable point. I've seen parents who really didn't do the

homework. It wasn't anyone on this list, however.

Miriam

>

> I would like to share some thoughts that I have had over the last week or so

after reading the posts. I know that there is a lot of frustration toward

schools and teachers and I just wanted to provide a different point of view for

concideration. This is not meant to upset anyone who is having problems with

their child.

>

> When my son started having trouble and getting diagnosed I was completely

ignorant to most special needs issues. I will admit that I thought ADHD was an

excuse for parents not knowing how to parent. I was a complete snob about it

and thought that they were all a bunch of kids that needed a little discipline.

Well then my son was diagnosed ADHD and I had to shift my perspective. I had to

learn, very quickly what ADHD was really all about. As it turned out my son was

not really ADHD it was a symptom of his AS (which is not uncommon for the

diagnosis to get tweeked as they get older.)

>

> So I had years to learn first about ADHD and later about PDD's and AS with the

help of many different specialists. The Psychologists, Psychiatrist and

Neuropsycological testing all helped me to understand why my son does what he

does and learn techniques for dealing with them.

>

> I don't understand why as a group of parent that have gone to hell and back

again trying to learn about our own children and their disability we are so

uncompasionate toward others who don't understand. We come together as parents

every day/week to ask each other for help yet we expect the teachers and schools

to immediately know what to do. Even if the teachers have had some experience

with Autism, Aspergers, PDD, ADHD, ODD or OCD they have never dealt with a child

that is just like mine. Because they are all different. That is the nature of

how AS affects them.

>

> Furthermore, if you have ever taken time to really talk to any of teachers and

administrators you will find that often times they are dealing with a lot of

other children and parents beside just YOUR child. Many time they are dealing

with parents who refuse to see their child as having any problem at all and just

expect the school to handle it.

>

> Then they have the laws to deal with. The school can't just decide to treat

your child different because they see a need. Have you ever sat down and read

the Federal or State laws or the school district policy. It is just like

running a business everything must be documented and all children must be held

to the same rules unless they have been placed into and IEP or Accomodation

plan. If they don't dot the i's and cross the t's they can get sued.

>

> Of course the schools must also look at the money part. But, if your child is

in special ed they get extra money for that. If you have not done your part to

get them in special ed than it is going to cost the district money to provide

services and they are not likely to agree. They don't do this because they want

to keep the money for themselves. There is a limited pool of money that they

have to work with and the aren't going to get more by going out to the " stash "

in the back.

>

> I believe that there are some very BAD teachers and school districts out

there. But there are also some very good ones (I happen to be in one of them).

Most are somewhere in between. I believe that most teachers have a good heart

and want to help children but they are also just people who make mistakes. Not

all of my childrens teachers have been great some have not even been very good.

I just try to really help them to learn from my son so they will be better with

the next child that comes along with a disability.

>

> I know that this sounds preachy and some of you will be angry after reading it

but I really felt compelled to write. If even one person can stop and put

yourself in someone elses shoes for a minute maybe we can make progress toward

having better schools for every child.

>

> I believe in doing my part of my sons education which is making sure that my

son is diagnosed and treated properly. I do this by working with the doctors.

I work hard to educate the school district as to my sons disablity and how it

affects his education. And I hold the school accountable to follow the law. The

law is really on our side if we do our part.

>

> I hope I have not upset anyone to much.

>

> Vickie

>

February 10, 2010

Your email reminded me of something an event we experienced. The school was putting Jonah in a 'calm down' room that was the equivalent of solitairy confinement. When we found out, my husband ran into the school and confronted the principal. He was furious. He told her that they were violating the Geneva convention and that it had better change NOW!

As smug as my last email was on how I got the school to come to the table, I have to say that my husband's temper tantrum really seemed to get their attention. Good cop, bad cop maybe? Reggi Levinreggi@...

From: mimasdprofile <callis4773@...> Sent: Wed, February 10, 2010 7:54:30 PMSubject: ( ) Re: A different point of view.

Parents definitely need to do their homework and nothing is really gained by pointing fingers and being negative. It is very VERY difficult not to become negative, however, when the school really isn't doing it's job and that has happened. It happened to me. I did all my homework. was diagnosed by childfind of County land in October of 2000. He had an IEP shortly after that. He was 3.5 years old. The school where we were did a fantastic job and we all worked together. I was told by the staff there that I was doing all the right things. When finished the early childhood program and started first grade at the school closest to our home (the EEC was in another elementary school in the district) the previous school told the staff at the new school, "Mrs. Banash is very involved and works very hard with her son. She has been very supportive of the people who work with him." Yes, I have a history of being positive and a team player.

They were doing a great job and everyone was happy.When we moved to Texas it didn't take long to find out how bad things were. The teachers lied to me about how was doing. He started becoming aggressive. He came home and was aggressive at home and started hitting, kicking, biting his sister all the time. I was told it was my fault. 's IEP was completely destroyed. They took away everything except speech therapy. They took away all behavioral support. Then when he started having a rough time, melting down every day, hitting, kicking biting, deteriorating, they blamed me and tried to say was emotionally disturbed. Just prior to our move a doctor said, "He has asperger syndrome but it well adjusted." Funny, I thought "well-adjusted" and "emotionally disturbed" were mutually exclusive. It's oxymoronic. Things had to get extremely bad and I worked SO hard and did all my homework and did my best to stay positive.Then one day I

had this amazing revelation. I thought to myself, " is advocating for himself in the only way he can." His behavior was his way of communicating that things were not right. Somehow this empowered me and though my behavior didn't change a great deal, my confidence did. I think it did something to my demeanor or maybe I started secreting some pheromone that caused people to take me seriously. I had an amazing conversation with the special ed team leader. She said, "Mrs. Banash, this behavior has to stop!" She was talking about . I said calmly and politely, "Yes, it does. What are you going to do about it?" The team leader said, "We are going to have to have a MEETING with you and MR. BANASH." In an angry and threatening tone. I spoke again in a polite tone and said, "Oh, yes, that's a great idea. Can we have the meeting tomorrow." The team leader stammered and backpedaled. "We can't get a meeting together that quickly." Blah blah blah. I had to

fight not to laugh. I hadn't said anything mean or untrue but I probably did have a smirk on my face. Shortly after this we were offered the opportunity to move to another school with a classroom for kids with asperger syndrome or high functioning autism. We took a long while to think about it and we had an advocate tell us she thought it was good. They showed us a video of the class in session. It looked great. We took it. It was wonderful.This isn't the whole story. Prior to realizing was advocating for himself I called people every day. I called administration. was sent to "special programs" which is a behavior school. I took out after 2 days even though he was supposed to be there for 10 days. I called the school and told them I considered what they were doing abusive. Screaming at the kids, restraining because he forgot to raise his hand to get up and go to the bathroom. Ignoring when said his foot was hurting.

His regular school took him back at that point.Sometimes schools DON'T do what they are supposed to do even when we have an IEP and sometimes things aren't pretty. I think most parents on this list are working hard, very hard, to get educated, to get IEPs for their kids and then to make sure the schools follow the IEPs.I agree, though, that if someone isn't educating themselves to the best of their ability and are expecting things from schools when the paperwork isn't in place that they need to do so. It isn't easy. If we'd gone to TX without an IEP I doubt we'd have gotten one. I know people who can't get IEPs down there. Our developmental pediatrician in TX was SO happy we were moving to New Hampshire where he felt we'd get better services. So far he has been right. I haven't had to fight as hard and the school is following the IEP and life is much less stressful.The biggest problem I see with this post is that parents are

often blamed by schools and I'd rather not go there.Still, you make a reasonable point. I've seen parents who really didn't do the homework. It wasn't anyone on this list, however.Miriam>> I would like to share some thoughts that I have had over the last week or so after reading the posts. I know that there is a lot of frustration toward schools and teachers and I just wanted to provide a different point of view for concideration. This is not meant to upset anyone who is having problems with their child.> > When my son started having trouble and getting diagnosed I was completely ignorant to most special needs issues. I will admit that I thought ADHD was an excuse for parents not knowing how

to parent. I was a complete snob about it and thought that they were all a bunch of kids that needed a little discipline. Well then my son was diagnosed ADHD and I had to shift my perspective. I had to learn, very quickly what ADHD was really all about. As it turned out my son was not really ADHD it was a symptom of his AS (which is not uncommon for the diagnosis to get tweeked as they get older.)> > So I had years to learn first about ADHD and later about PDD's and AS with the help of many different specialists. The Psychologists, Psychiatrist and Neuropsycological testing all helped me to understand why my son does what he does and learn techniques for dealing with them.> > I don't understand why as a group of parent that have gone to hell and back again trying to learn about our own children and their disability we are so uncompasionate toward others who don't understand. We come together as parents every day/week to ask

each other for help yet we expect the teachers and schools to immediately know what to do. Even if the teachers have had some experience with Autism, Aspergers, PDD, ADHD, ODD or OCD they have never dealt with a child that is just like mine. Because they are all different. That is the nature of how AS affects them.> > Furthermore, if you have ever taken time to really talk to any of teachers and administrators you will find that often times they are dealing with a lot of other children and parents beside just YOUR child. Many time they are dealing with parents who refuse to see their child as having any problem at all and just expect the school to handle it.> > Then they have the laws to deal with. The school can't just decide to treat your child different because they see a need. Have you ever sat down and read the Federal or State laws or the school district policy. It is just like running a business everything must be

documented and all children must be held to the same rules unless they have been placed into and IEP or Accomodation plan. If they don't dot the i's and cross the t's they can get sued. > > Of course the schools must also look at the money part. But, if your child is in special ed they get extra money for that. If you have not done your part to get them in special ed than it is going to cost the district money to provide services and they are not likely to agree. They don't do this because they want to keep the money for themselves. There is a limited pool of money that they have to work with and the aren't going to get more by going out to the "stash" in the back.> > I believe that there are some very BAD teachers and school districts out there. But there are also some very good ones (I happen to be in one of them). Most are somewhere in between. I believe that most teachers have a good heart and want to help children but

they are also just people who make mistakes. Not all of my childrens teachers have been great some have not even been very good. I just try to really help them to learn from my son so they will be better with the next child that comes along with a disability. > > I know that this sounds preachy and some of you will be angry after reading it but I really felt compelled to write. If even one person can stop and put yourself in someone elses shoes for a minute maybe we can make progress toward having better schools for every child.> > I believe in doing my part of my sons education which is making sure that my son is diagnosed and treated properly. I do this by working with the doctors. I work hard to educate the school district as to my sons disablity and how it affects his education. And I hold the school accountable to follow the law. The law is really on our side if we do our part.> > I hope I have not upset

anyone to much.> > Vickie>

February 10, 2010

It’s

exhausting what you had to go through to have your childs legal rights honored.

Just reading this makes me grateful I don’t have to go through this with home

schooling. My heart goes out to all of you who put so much time and effort in

making supposed professionals do their jobs!

Namaste

Dawn

in Tucson

From:

[mailto: ] On

Behalf Of mimasdprofile

Sent: Wednesday, February 10, 2010 5:55 PM

Subject: ( ) Re: A different point of view.

Parents definitely need to do their homework

and nothing is really gained by pointing fingers and being negative. It is very

VERY difficult not to become negative, however, when the school really isn't

doing it's job and that has happened. It happened to me. I did all my homework.

was diagnosed by childfind of County land in October of 2000.

He had an IEP shortly after that. He was 3.5 years old. The school where we

were did a fantastic job and we all worked together. I was told by the staff

there that I was doing all the right things. When finished the early

childhood program and started first grade at the school closest to our home

(the EEC was in another elementary school in the district) the previous school

told the staff at the new school, " Mrs. Banash is very involved and works

very hard with her son. She has been very supportive of the people who work

with him. " Yes, I have a history of being positive and a team player. They

were doing a great job and everyone was happy.

When we moved to Texas it didn't take long to find out how bad things were. The

teachers lied to me about how was doing. He started becoming aggressive.

He came home and was aggressive at home and started hitting, kicking, biting

his sister all the time. I was told it was my fault. 's IEP was completely

destroyed. They took away everything except speech therapy. They took away all

behavioral support. Then when he started having a rough time, melting down

every day, hitting, kicking biting, deteriorating, they blamed me and tried to

say was emotionally disturbed. Just prior to our move a doctor said,

" He has asperger syndrome but it well adjusted. " Funny, I thought

" well-adjusted " and " emotionally disturbed " were mutually

exclusive. It's oxymoronic. Things had to get extremely bad and I worked SO

hard and did all my homework and did my best to stay positive.

Then one day I had this amazing revelation. I thought to myself, " is

advocating for himself in the only way he can. " His behavior was his way

of communicating that things were not right. Somehow this empowered me and

though my behavior didn't change a great deal, my confidence did. I think it

did something to my demeanor or maybe I started secreting some pheromone that

caused people to take me seriously. I had an amazing conversation with the

special ed team leader. She said, " Mrs. Banash, this behavior has to

stop! " She was talking about . I said calmly and politely, " Yes,

it does. What are you going to do about it? " The team leader said,

" We are going to have to have a MEETING with you and MR. BANASH. " In

an angry and threatening tone. I spoke again in a polite tone and said,

" Oh, yes, that's a great idea. Can we have the meeting tomorrow. " The

team leader stammered and backpedaled. " We can't get a meeting together

that quickly. " Blah blah blah. I had to fight not to laugh. I hadn't said

anything mean or untrue but I probably did have a smirk on my face. Shortly

after this we were offered the opportunity to move to another school with

a classroom for kids with asperger syndrome or high functioning autism. We took

a long while to think about it and we had an advocate tell us she thought it

was good. They showed us a video of the class in session. It looked great. We

took it. It was wonderful.

This isn't the whole story. Prior to realizing was advocating for himself

I called people every day. I called administration. was sent to

" special programs " which is a behavior school. I took out after

2 days even though he was supposed to be there for 10 days. I called the school

and told them I considered what they were doing abusive. Screaming at the kids,

restraining because he forgot to raise his hand to get up and go to the

bathroom. Ignoring when said his foot was hurting. His regular school took

him back at that point.

Sometimes schools DON'T do what they are supposed to do even when we have an

IEP and sometimes things aren't pretty. I think most parents on this list are

working hard, very hard, to get educated, to get IEPs for their kids and then

to make sure the schools follow the IEPs.

I agree, though, that if someone isn't educating themselves to the best of

their ability and are expecting things from schools when the paperwork isn't in

place that they need to do so. It isn't easy. If we'd gone to TX without an IEP

I doubt we'd have gotten one. I know people who can't get IEPs down there. Our

developmental pediatrician in TX was SO happy we were moving to New Hampshire

where he felt we'd get better services. So far he has been right. I haven't had

to fight as hard and the school is following the IEP and life is much less

stressful.

The biggest problem I see with this post is that parents are often blamed by

schools and I'd rather not go there.

Still, you make a reasonable point. I've seen parents who really didn't do the

homework. It wasn't anyone on this list, however.

Miriam

>

> I would like to share some thoughts that I have had over the last week or

so after reading the posts. I know that there is a lot of frustration toward

schools and teachers and I just wanted to provide a different point of view for

concideration. This is not meant to upset anyone who is having problems with

their child.

>

> When my son started having trouble and getting diagnosed I was completely

ignorant to most special needs issues. I will admit that I thought ADHD was an

excuse for parents not knowing how to parent. I was a complete snob about it

and thought that they were all a bunch of kids that needed a little discipline.

Well then my son was diagnosed ADHD and I had to shift my perspective. I had to

learn, very quickly what ADHD was really all about. As it turned out my son was

not really ADHD it was a symptom of his AS (which is not uncommon for the

diagnosis to get tweeked as they get older.)

>

> So I had years to learn first about ADHD and later about PDD's and AS with

the help of many different specialists. The Psychologists, Psychiatrist and

Neuropsycological testing all helped me to understand why my son does what he

does and learn techniques for dealing with them.

>

> I don't understand why as a group of parent that have gone to hell and

back again trying to learn about our own children and their disability we are

so uncompasionate toward others who don't understand. We come together as

parents every day/week to ask each other for help yet we expect the teachers

and schools to immediately know what to do. Even if the teachers have had some

experience with Autism, Aspergers, PDD, ADHD, ODD or OCD they have never dealt

with a child that is just like mine. Because they are all different. That is

the nature of how AS affects them.

>

> Furthermore, if you have ever taken time to really talk to any of teachers

and administrators you will find that often times they are dealing with a lot

of other children and parents beside just YOUR child. Many time they are

dealing with parents who refuse to see their child as having any problem at all

and just expect the school to handle it.

>

> Then they have the laws to deal with. The school can't just decide to

treat your child different because they see a need. Have you ever sat down and

read the Federal or State laws or the school district policy. It is just like

running a business everything must be documented and all children must be held

to the same rules unless they have been placed into and IEP or Accomodation

plan. If they don't dot the i's and cross the t's they can get sued.

>

> Of course the schools must also look at the money part. But, if your child

is in special ed they get extra money for that. If you have not done your part

to get them in special ed than it is going to cost the district money to

provide services and they are not likely to agree. They don't do this because

they want to keep the money for themselves. There is a limited pool of money

that they have to work with and the aren't going to get more by going out to

the " stash " in the back.

>

> I believe that there are some very BAD teachers and school districts out

there. But there are also some very good ones (I happen to be in one of them).

Most are somewhere in between. I believe that most teachers have a good heart

and want to help children but they are also just people who make mistakes. Not

all of my childrens teachers have been great some have not even been very good.

I just try to really help them to learn from my son so they will be better with

the next child that comes along with a disability.

>

> I know that this sounds preachy and some of you will be angry after

reading it but I really felt compelled to write. If even one person can stop

and put yourself in someone elses shoes for a minute maybe we can make progress

toward having better schools for every child.

>

> I believe in doing my part of my sons education which is making sure that

my son is diagnosed and treated properly. I do this by working with the

doctors. I work hard to educate the school district as to my sons disablity and

how it affects his education. And I hold the school accountable to follow the

law. The law is really on our side if we do our part.

>

> I hope I have not upset anyone to much.

>

> Vickie

>

February 11, 2010

I was trying to express that it is important for us to remember how much we have had to learn about this disability and are always learning and to transfer that compassion to the teachers.

Vicky, this is true, unfortunately in my own experience with this, the teachers and administrators are not open to receiving this information. There are times I hope for that perfect world and everyone involved with my child understands his AS. The bottom line, I know I must always advocate for my son.

Thanks,

Dawn

February 11, 2010

We came very close to homeschooling. My husband is DEAD SET against

homeschooling, though. He's an extremely rigid thinker. It's just STAGGERING

how intense he can be if you're trying to get him to go outside his comfort zone

a little. Anyway, he was close to agreeing when things were so bad in TX. Then

we finally were able to get something in the public school that worked for .

Yes, my husband has some asperger traits and rigid thinking is one of them. It

can drive me completely insane at times.

Fortunately, NH has worked well for us.

Nobody should have to go through what we did in TX but I know of many people who

are going through worse.

Miriam

> >

> > I would like to share some thoughts that I have had over the last week or

> so after reading the posts. I know that there is a lot of frustration toward

> schools and teachers and I just wanted to provide a different point of view

> for concideration. This is not meant to upset anyone who is having problems

> with their child.

> >

> > When my son started having trouble and getting diagnosed I was completely

> ignorant to most special needs issues. I will admit that I thought ADHD was

> an excuse for parents not knowing how to parent. I was a complete snob about

> it and thought that they were all a bunch of kids that needed a little

> discipline. Well then my son was diagnosed ADHD and I had to shift my

> perspective. I had to learn, very quickly what ADHD was really all about. As

> it turned out my son was not really ADHD it was a symptom of his AS (which

> is not uncommon for the diagnosis to get tweeked as they get older.)

> >

> > So I had years to learn first about ADHD and later about PDD's and AS with

> the help of many different specialists. The Psychologists, Psychiatrist and

> Neuropsycological testing all helped me to understand why my son does what

> he does and learn techniques for dealing with them.

> >

> > I don't understand why as a group of parent that have gone to hell and

> back again trying to learn about our own children and their disability we

> are so uncompasionate toward others who don't understand. We come together

> as parents every day/week to ask each other for help yet we expect the

> teachers and schools to immediately know what to do. Even if the teachers

> have had some experience with Autism, Aspergers, PDD, ADHD, ODD or OCD they

> have never dealt with a child that is just like mine. Because they are all

> different. That is the nature of how AS affects them.

> >

> > Furthermore, if you have ever taken time to really talk to any of teachers

> and administrators you will find that often times they are dealing with a

> lot of other children and parents beside just YOUR child. Many time they are

> dealing with parents who refuse to see their child as having any problem at

> all and just expect the school to handle it.

> >

> > Then they have the laws to deal with. The school can't just decide to

> treat your child different because they see a need. Have you ever sat down

> and read the Federal or State laws or the school district policy. It is just

> like running a business everything must be documented and all children must

> be held to the same rules unless they have been placed into and IEP or

> Accomodation plan. If they don't dot the i's and cross the t's they can get

> sued.

> >

> > Of course the schools must also look at the money part. But, if your child

> is in special ed they get extra money for that. If you have not done your

> part to get them in special ed than it is going to cost the district money

> to provide services and they are not likely to agree. They don't do this

> because they want to keep the money for themselves. There is a limited pool

> of money that they have to work with and the aren't going to get more by

> going out to the " stash " in the back.

> >

> > I believe that there are some very BAD teachers and school districts out

> there. But there are also some very good ones (I happen to be in one of

> them). Most are somewhere in between. I believe that most teachers have a

> good heart and want to help children but they are also just people who make

> mistakes. Not all of my childrens teachers have been great some have not

> even been very good. I just try to really help them to learn from my son so

> they will be better with the next child that comes along with a disability.

> >

> > I know that this sounds preachy and some of you will be angry after

> reading it but I really felt compelled to write. If even one person can stop

> and put yourself in someone elses shoes for a minute maybe we can make

> progress toward having better schools for every child.

> >

> > I believe in doing my part of my sons education which is making sure that

> my son is diagnosed and treated properly. I do this by working with the

> doctors. I work hard to educate the school district as to my sons disablity

> and how it affects his education. And I hold the school accountable to

> follow the law. The law is really on our side if we do our part.

> >

> > I hope I have not upset anyone to much.

> >

> > Vickie

> >

>

February 11, 2010

I don't disagree with you . I was more thinking of regular education

teachers not knowing and understanding the complexities of AS. I expect the

special ed teachers and administrators to follow the law and I have not been

afraid to check up on them and insist that they do everything by the book. This

has not been a big problem for me lately but I had a few problems when my son

was much younger. It was (in my case) not an attempt to cheat but a case where

the teacher and principle were not on the same page as the special ed department

and were not following the IEP. I brought this to the attention of the

principle and from that point on they followed the IEP.

What concerns me is that sometimes parents don't do their part to get their

child evaluated and into the special ed program but they still expect the school

and teacher to make accomodations. The school will usually put in only equal or

(more likely) less effort than the parents.

I also do not think that parents should rely on the school to evaluate and/or

diagnose their child. The school is only going to look at how a disability

affects them in their education. If they have motor skills problems but it is

not causing any deficiencies in their school work than it is not the schools

reponsibility to treat that problem. If you are working with doctors as well as

the school you have an outside opinion to show the school if they question what

you are asking for.

Vickie

> >

> > I would like to share some thoughts that I have had over the last week

> > or so after reading the posts. I know that there is a lot of

> > frustration toward schools and teachers and I just wanted to provide a

> > different point of view for concideration. This is not meant to upset

> > anyone who is having problems with their child.

> >

> > When my son started having trouble and getting diagnosed I was

> > completely ignorant to most special needs issues. I will admit that I

> > thought ADHD was an excuse for parents not knowing how to parent. I

> > was a complete snob about it and thought that they were all a bunch of

> > kids that needed a little discipline. Well then my son was diagnosed

> > ADHD and I had to shift my perspective. I had to learn, very quickly

> > what ADHD was really all about. As it turned out my son was not really

> > ADHD it was a symptom of his AS (which is not uncommon for the

> > diagnosis to get tweeked as they get older.)

> >

> > So I had years to learn first about ADHD and later about PDD's and AS

> > with the help of many different specialists. The Psychologists,

> > Psychiatrist and Neuropsycological testing all helped me to understand

> > why my son does what he does and learn techniques for dealing with them.

> >

> > I don't understand why as a group of parent that have gone to hell and

> > back again trying to learn about our own children and their disability

> > we are so uncompasionate toward others who don't understand. We come

> > together as parents every day/week to ask each other for help yet we

> > expect the teachers and schools to immediately know what to do. Even

> > if the teachers have had some experience with Autism, Aspergers, PDD,

> > ADHD, ODD or OCD they have never dealt with a child that is just like

> > mine. Because they are all different. That is the nature of how AS

> > affects them.

> >

> > Furthermore, if you have ever taken time to really talk to any of

> > teachers and administrators you will find that often times they are

> > dealing with a lot of other children and parents beside just YOUR

> > child. Many time they are dealing with parents who refuse to see their

> > child as having any problem at all and just expect the school to

> > handle it.

> >

> > Then they have the laws to deal with. The school can't just decide to

> > treat your child different because they see a need. Have you ever sat

> > down and read the Federal or State laws or the school district policy.

> > It is just like running a business everything must be documented and

> > all children must be held to the same rules unless they have been

> > placed into and IEP or Accomodation plan. If they don't dot the i's

> > and cross the t's they can get sued.

> >

> > Of course the schools must also look at the money part. But, if your

> > child is in special ed they get extra money for that. If you have not

> > done your part to get them in special ed than it is going to cost the

> > district money to provide services and they are not likely to agree.

> > They don't do this because they want to keep the money for themselves.

> > There is a limited pool of money that they have to work with and the

> > aren't going to get more by going out to the " stash " in the back.

> >

> > I believe that there are some very BAD teachers and school districts

> > out there. But there are also some very good ones (I happen to be in

> > one of them). Most are somewhere in between. I believe that most

> > teachers have a good heart and want to help children but they are also

> > just people who make mistakes. Not all of my childrens teachers have

> > been great some have not even been very good. I just try to really

> > help them to learn from my son so they will be better with the next

> > child that comes along with a disability.

> >

> > I know that this sounds preachy and some of you will be angry after

> > reading it but I really felt compelled to write. If even one person

> > can stop and put yourself in someone elses shoes for a minute maybe we

> > can make progress toward having better schools for every child.

> >

> > I believe in doing my part of my sons education which is making sure

> > that my son is diagnosed and treated properly. I do this by working

> > with the doctors. I work hard to educate the school district as to my

> > sons disablity and how it affects his education. And I hold the school

> > accountable to follow the law. The law is really on our side if we do

> > our part.

> >

> > I hope I have not upset anyone to much.

> >

> > Vickie

> >

> > ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> >

> > No virus found in this incoming message.

> > Checked by AVG - www.avg.com

> > Version: 8.5.435 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/2679 - Release Date: 02/10/10

07:40:00

> >

>

> No virus found in this outgoing message.

> Checked by AVG - www.avg.com

> Version: 8.5.435 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/2679 - Release Date: 02/10/10

07:40:00

>

February 11, 2010

Not every teacher we have had has been good. Last year was really pretty bad.

I take responsiblity for that because I was not being proactive. I don't

believe that it is because the teachers are evil I think it is because they

didn't understand. I was trying to express that it is important for us to

remember how much we have had to learn about this disability and are always

learning and to transfer that compassion to the teachers.

I am aware of the fact that things can change along with different

administration and have been through that. I also know that I have rights under

the law and I am not afraid to remind them of that.

Vickie

>

> Jen,

>

> I have to agree with you, I feel a lot of parents including myself started

> out in their quest for their AS child's education on a positive note, only

> to end up frustrated and disappointed in the school system. I believe there

> are positive experiences out there like the one Vicki had but they are a

> rare occurrence. I would just caution Vicky, your child still has many years

> of school left, when there are budget cuts or change in schools the staff

> and programs that where put in place for your child will also change.

>

> Thanks,

> Dawn

>

February 11, 2010

I don't have enough time to express in detail the thoughts I have on this issue in regards to educators. What I will say is that if someone chooses to become a teacher/educator, then it is their duty to learn about their field in whatever form that may take. I heard a renowned autism speaker talk about educational conferences and how much of his own money he puts into his career. He used a professional conference as one example. He was at one that went from Friday to a Saturday, and that 80 % of the teachers, he said, left on Friday night as they, " weren't going to let their weekend get eaten up by a teacher's conference. "

He went on to say that he spends his own money for professional publications and conferences because he wants to be educated in a way that he is on top of his game and brings his best to the table. The teacher's that balk about such things, he says, are in the wrong profession. It was so easy to see that this guy was filled with passion for his work. By comparison, a very large number of teacher's are in the wrong profession.

Teacher's are also imprinted by principals and administrator's. Many bottom line principals put new teachers on the wrong track by making the wrong principles important. When parents are made out to be the enemy instead of a part of a collaborative team, a parent is really facing an uphill battle where everyone loses. When principals have autonomy with little to no oversight, then they can get away with doing the least amount of effort for special ed kids. When a school board and superintendent don't even acknowledge the needs of autism or special education, then principals are free to do as little as they want to. No one will keep them in check. One or two parents complaining will surely be seen as little annoyances rather than an indication of a bigger problem.

Keeping special ed kids out of the picture for a minute, we all realize, I think, that not all kids learn the same way. A good teacher recognizes this and is prepared for it. (With my first nt, I had my share of teacher's who never really reached for mediocrity and it was painfully clear they didn't care)

When you consider special ed kids in the mix, then I believe these are the kids that put a teacher's calling to the test. They are another form of, " not all kids learn the same way. " Granted, I'm not saying that teaching won't be difficult, but if a teacher won't even make the attempt to teach to a child in a way that they learn, then all is lost and that teacher should get another job.

On Thu, Feb 11, 2010 at 10:24 AM, baneline1 <baneline1@...> wrote:

Not every teacher we have had has been good. Last year was really pretty bad. I take responsiblity for that because I was not being proactive. I don't believe that it is because the teachers are evil I think it is because they didn't understand. I was trying to express that it is important for us to remember how much we have had to learn about this disability and are always learning and to transfer that compassion to the teachers.

I am aware of the fact that things can change along with different administration and have been through that. I also know that I have rights under the law and I am not afraid to remind them of that.

Vickie

>

> Jen,

>

> I have to agree with you, I feel a lot of parents including myself started

> out in their quest for their AS child's education on a positive note, only

> to end up frustrated and disappointed in the school system. I believe there

> are positive experiences out there like the one Vicki had but they are a

> rare occurrence. I would just caution Vicky, your child still has many years

> of school left, when there are budget cuts or change in schools the staff

> and programs that where put in place for your child will also change.

>

> Thanks,

> Dawn

>

February 11, 2010

Miriam, Thank you and well put. I say this living in FLorida which

does not like to put children's education anywhere near important,

and likes to cover it's a** at any cost anywhere. They point their

faces at you and move their mouths, but nothing is done properly.

I feel each state will give a radically different experience to

its children and parents. The parents around here know to fight

tirelessly for their children and climb ranks as the mouths that

just move only respond to fear of the law. I think FL came 48th

in the states as far as quality of public education. I had to

advocate and help my undiagnosed daughter graduate senior year

in highschool, lucky me I wasn't working that year! I was at the

school MANY times SENIOR year!

And they've already taken more money away from it........

I wish we could get rid of No Child Left Behind and its testing

and let teachers do what they want to do; teach and know their

students!

Jo

I'm glad NH is working out well for you!

February 11, 2010

I

asked my best friend the other day what type of training she received around

special needs, especially aspergers when she was training to teach. She told

me “1/2 hour if that in the entire course and it’s not specific to aspergers”….

Wonder how much training “regular” teachers get now?

Namaste

Dawn

in Tucson

From:

[mailto: ] On

Behalf Of azucarmama68@...

Sent: Thursday, February 11, 2010 9:19 AM

Subject: Re: ( ) A different point of view.

I was trying to express that it is important for us to remember

how much we have had to learn about this disability and are always learning and

to transfer that compassion to the teachers.

Vicky, this is true, unfortunately in my own experience with this,

the teachers and administrators are not open to receiving this information.

There are times I hope for that perfect world and everyone involved with my

child understands his AS. The bottom line, I know I must always advocate

for my son.

Thanks,

Dawn

February 11, 2010

I always try to assume that people are doing their best to understand unless I'm

given evidence otherwise. There are some people who will be completely nasty

and unwilling to learn and if I encounter it I avoid the person or refuse to put

up with it. We had a person working with my son in land, she was kind of

like an aide or paraprofessional helping with the kids in an early childhood

program. liked her but she came to me one day and said in a really

smart-assed tone, " If he was my child I'd... " then she gestured smacking him.

She didn't actually hit him, but I did NOT want anyone with that attitude

working with my child. I let the school know this was completely unacceptable.

She was working with children who have disabilities, they all had IEPs and they

had REASONS for their behavior and for some reason she felt that my child needed

to be hit by someone. I normally give people the benefit of the doubt but this

was just so WRONG! What could I do, sit back and ignore it? She was obviously

unwilling to accept my child's diagnosis. To her it wasn't anything that

couldn't be solved by a good spanking.

Yes, I believe in kindness and in educating people around my son and having

compassion for what they go through. I make sure I show my appreciation to

everyone who works with . Last year at the end of the year I couldn't

afford to buy something for every single person who worked with . He has a

1:1 person and an OT and an ST and two classroom teachers and a special ed

teacher and a facilitator and a very involved guidance counselor. Money just

couldn't express even if it was only one person. So, I wrote a letter naming

names and sent it to the principal of the school as well as the superintendent

of schools for the district. It took me a couple of hours to get the letter

just right. I wanted the people responsible for paying salaries to know what a

great job these people did. People don't often write positive letters to the

district. I sent my letter in the form of an email and followed it up with an

actual hard copy because I wanted to be DAMN sure people understood me.

I want people to catch my son being good. I also like to catch other people

being good. It is much more effective to say something nice and ignore as much

bad stuff as possible than it is to focus on negative. If I have to say

something bad I try to sandwich it between positive things. They are human

beings, afterall. Catching people doing the right things has it's own rewards

since the right behavior increases. Everyone wins.

I tried to do these things at the school in Texas that was so terrible but they

didn't agree that needed help. They were unwilling to do ANYTHING

needed. There was no good behavior to reward for a long time. If a

teacher/school/therapist gives anything of themselves at all them I'm on top of

it saying that I noticed and that I appreciate it. I name names and I give

specific details. I remember all the details, I really do.

This year 's guidance counselor said exactly the right thing when it was

needed. was having a meltdown lying down in the hallway and crying. He's

in middle school. It's just not DONE in middle school. The guidance counselor

said, " , I really want to help you, but I don't know you very well so why

don't you come to my office and tell me about yourself? " It was PERFECT. This

moment is in my head, I've told lots of people about it already. It will be in

my letter at the end of the year along with other moments of greatness.

Mistakes, as long as they were short term and dealt with appropriately, will not

be in the letter. The fact that someone lost 's midterm and he had to do it

over this week will not be in the letter because there is no telling how it

happened and I know everyone is working hard and it's really SMALL and not the

least bit significant in my opinion. It doesn't happen all the time and

everyone was genuinely contrite and there was a sub that day and that could have

caused confusion. It's not worthy of any more attention. The fact that the 1:1

support guy comes in early 2 days a week without extra pay to help get to

math tutoring is MUCH more worthy of note.

There is a balance that is needed. Constructive exchange of information when

things go wrong. Para - " Is 's midterm at home? " Me - " No, I was pretty

sure I put it in the notebook. " Para - " Maybe because there was a sub things

got a bit confused yesterday. I'll make another copy. will have to do it

again but I'll make sure I give him some extra materials to help him. " Me - " I

feel frustrated that it was lost. I've clipped the re-done midterm with several

paperclips into the social studies pocket in 's binder. " Para - " Sorry

about all this confusion. " " Oh well, it wasn't too bad for to re-do it.

It didn't take much time. I had him type up the timeline on his computer. "

That's how I work with the people at school. I don't ignore problems and I do

let people know what's happening but I don't panic. I make a judgement call for

each situation about how important a thing is, whether or not it's been repeated

or if it's just a one time thing, what previous responses have been and how bad

the adults involved feel about mistakes. I think about how quickly I get a

response.

I was positive for AGES before I finally had to accept that the school in Texas

was screwing up big time. I gave credit where it was due and was as positive as

anyone could have been but ultimately I had to advocate for my child.

Miriam

>

> I was trying to express that it is important for us to remember how much we

> have had to learn about this disability and are always learning and to

> transfer that compassion to the teachers.

>

> Vicky, this is true, unfortunately in my own experience with this, the

> teachers and administrators are not open to receiving this information. There

> are times I hope for that perfect world and everyone involved with my child

> understands his AS. The bottom line, I know I must always advocate for my

> son.

>

> Thanks,

> Dawn

>

February 11, 2010

The hardest thing about being in a place that doesn't follow the laws is that

you watch your child lose ground, deteriorate. They are already behind their

peers, already at risk for depression and aggression and difficult behavior,

they already have to work harder just to cope with their day, then to have a

school that won't do what is needed is so detrimental. I watched my son go from

being a happy, well-adjusted, slightly odd, easily frustrated, boy to being

angry, depressed, frightened, scary aggressive wild thing. Then when he got

back into a school that knew what to do his behavior went 180 degrees and he won

awards for art work, wrote poetry, formed long lasting friendships, became

attached to his teachers, call his sister his best friend, won an award for good

citizenship and became a valued member of his school's community. He can be an

asset if people know how to work with him or he can be a drain. It's in their

best interests to do the right things with him but at one school in Texas nobody

saw it. He was " the bad kid " . He didn't do any academic work.

It was horrible. I was depressed, confused, anxious. My marriage was

suffering. My daughter was suffering. I did my job. As every other school,

every other professional, counselor, developmental pediatrician, educator who

has worked with would tell you. Only one school tried to BLAME me for

's difficulties.

Miriam

> >

> > I would like to share some thoughts that I have had over the last week or so

after reading the posts. I know that there is a lot of frustration toward

schools and teachers and I just wanted to provide a different point of view for

concideration. This is not meant to upset anyone who is having problems with

their child.

> >

> > When my son started having trouble and getting diagnosed I was completely

ignorant to most special needs issues. I will admit that I thought ADHD was an

excuse for parents not knowing how to parent. I was a complete snob about it

and thought that they were all a bunch of kids that needed a little discipline.

Well then my son was diagnosed ADHD and I had to shift my perspective. I had to

learn, very quickly what ADHD was really all about. As it turned out my son was

not really ADHD it was a symptom of his AS (which is not uncommon for the

diagnosis to get tweeked as they get older.)

> >

> > So I had years to learn first about ADHD and later about PDD's and AS with

the help of many different specialists. The Psychologists, Psychiatrist and

Neuropsycological testing all helped me to understand why my son does what he

does and learn techniques for dealing with them.

> >

> > I don't understand why as a group of parent that have gone to hell and back

again trying to learn about our own children and their disability we are so

uncompasionate toward others who don't understand. We come together as parents

every day/week to ask each other for help yet we expect the teachers and schools

to immediately know what to do. Even if the teachers have had some experience

with Autism, Aspergers, PDD, ADHD, ODD or OCD they have never dealt with a child

that is just like mine. Because they are all different. That is the nature of

how AS affects them.

> >

> > Furthermore, if you have ever taken time to really talk to any of teachers

and administrators you will find that often times they are dealing with a lot of

other children and parents beside just YOUR child. Many time they are dealing

with parents who refuse to see their child as having any problem at all and just

expect the school to handle it.

> >

> > Then they have the laws to deal with. The school can't just decide to treat

your child different because they see a need. Have you ever sat down and read

the Federal or State laws or the school district policy. It is just like

running a business everything must be documented and all children must be held

to the same rules unless they have been placed into and IEP or Accomodation

plan. If they don't dot the i's and cross the t's they can get sued.

> >

> > Of course the schools must also look at the money part. But, if your child

is in special ed they get extra money for that. If you have not done your part

to get them in special ed than it is going to cost the district money to provide

services and they are not likely to agree. They don't do this because they want

to keep the money for themselves. There is a limited pool of money that they

have to work with and the aren't going to get more by going out to the " stash "

in the back.

> >

> > I believe that there are some very BAD teachers and school districts out

there. But there are also some very good ones (I happen to be in one of them).

Most are somewhere in between. I believe that most teachers have a good heart

and want to help children but they are also just people who make mistakes. Not

all of my childrens teachers have been great some have not even been very good.

I just try to really help them to learn from my son so they will be better with

the next child that comes along with a disability.

> >

> > I know that this sounds preachy and some of you will be angry after reading

it but I really felt compelled to write. If even one person can stop and put

yourself in someone elses shoes for a minute maybe we can make progress toward

having better schools for every child.

> >

> > I believe in doing my part of my sons education which is making sure that my

son is diagnosed and treated properly. I do this by working with the doctors.

I work hard to educate the school district as to my sons disablity and how it

affects his education. And I hold the school accountable to follow the law. The

law is really on our side if we do our part.

> >

> > I hope I have not upset anyone to much.

> >

> > Vickie

> >

>

February 11, 2010

Sounds like you work it out like me and i'm assuming a lot of people like me.

However, the difference is schools. The school all but diagnosed my daughter and

then the teacher refused to pay attention to me, social worker or the principal.

.. .she was trying to get jordana to do that she's not capable yet. It set her

back 1/2 the school year, which isn't fair to her. Now the staff and i are in

sync. . .that didn't happen until i went off on them. I wish it didn't have to

happen that way but it did.

On Thu Feb 11th, 2010 12:29 PM EST mimasdprofile wrote:

>I always try to assume that people are doing their best to understand unless

I'm given evidence otherwise. There are some people who will be completely

nasty and unwilling to learn and if I encounter it I avoid the person or refuse

to put up with it. We had a person working with my son in land, she was

kind of like an aide or paraprofessional helping with the kids in an early

childhood program. liked her but she came to me one day and said in a

really smart-assed tone, " If he was my child I'd... " then she gestured smacking

him. She didn't actually hit him, but I did NOT want anyone with that attitude

working with my child. I let the school know this was completely unacceptable.

She was working with children who have disabilities, they all had IEPs and they

had REASONS for their behavior and for some reason she felt that my child needed

to be hit by someone. I normally give people the benefit of the doubt but this

was just so WRONG! What

could I do, sit back and ignore it? She was obviously unwilling to accept my

child's diagnosis. To her it wasn't anything that couldn't be solved by a good

spanking.

>

>Yes, I believe in kindness and in educating people around my son and having