Re: A different point of view.

February 28, 2010

Yeah, Honor Roll! Congrats! My ds (13 yo, hfa) made honor the first semester at his e-school. He's pretty happy with himself.

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

( ) Re: A different point of view.

Date: Thursday, February 11, 2010, 12:28 PM

The hardest thing about being in a place that doesn't follow the laws is that you watch your child lose ground, deteriorate. They are already behind their peers, already at risk for depression and aggression and difficult behavior, they already have to work harder just to cope with their day, then to have a school that won't do what is needed is so detrimental. I watched my son go from being a happy, well-adjusted, slightly odd, easily frustrated, boy to being angry, depressed, frightened, scary aggressive wild thing. Then when he got back into a school that knew what to do his behavior went 180 degrees and he won awards for art work, wrote poetry, formed long lasting friendships, became attached to his teachers, call his sister his best friend, won an award for good citizenship and became a valued member of his school's community. He can be an asset if people know how to work with him or he can be a drain. It's in their best interests to do the

right things with him but at one school in Texas nobody saw it. He was "the bad kid". He didn't do any academic work.

It was horrible. I was depressed, confused, anxious. My marriage was suffering. My daughter was suffering. I did my job. As every other school, every other professional, counselor, developmental pediatrician, educator who has worked with would tell you. Only one school tried to BLAME me for 's difficulties.

Miriam

> >

> > I would like to share some thoughts that I have had over the last week or so after reading the posts. I know that there is a lot of frustration toward schools and teachers and I just wanted to

provide a different point of view for concideration. This is not meant to upset anyone who is having problems with their child.

> >

> > When my son started having trouble and getting diagnosed I was completely ignorant to most special needs issues. I will admit that I thought ADHD was an excuse for parents not knowing how to parent. I was a complete snob about it and thought that they were all a bunch of kids that needed a little discipline. Well then my son was diagnosed ADHD and I had to shift my perspective. I had to learn, very quickly what ADHD was really all about. As it turned out my son was not really ADHD it was a symptom of his AS (which is not uncommon for the diagnosis to get tweeked as they get older.)

> >

> > So I had years to learn first about ADHD and later about PDD's and AS with the help of many different specialists. The Psychologists, Psychiatrist and Neuropsycological testing all helped me to

understand why my son does what he does and learn techniques for dealing with them.

> >

> > I don't understand why as a group of parent that have gone to hell and back again trying to learn about our own children and their disability we are so uncompasionate toward others who don't understand. We come together as parents every day/week to ask each other for help yet we expect the teachers and schools to immediately know what to do. Even if the teachers have had some experience with Autism, Aspergers, PDD, ADHD, ODD or OCD they have never dealt with a child that is just like mine. Because they are all different. That is the nature of how AS affects them.

> >

> > Furthermore, if you have ever taken time to really talk to any of teachers and administrators you will find that often times they are dealing with a lot of other children and parents beside just YOUR child. Many time they are dealing with parents who refuse

to see their child as having any problem at all and just expect the school to handle it.

> >

> > Then they have the laws to deal with. The school can't just decide to treat your child different because they see a need. Have you ever sat down and read the Federal or State laws or the school district policy. It is just like running a business everything must be documented and all children must be held to the same rules unless they have been placed into and IEP or Accomodation plan. If they don't dot the i's and cross the t's they can get sued.

> >

> > Of course the schools must also look at the money part. But, if your child is in special ed they get extra money for that. If you have not done your part to get them in special ed than it is going to cost the district money to provide services and they are not likely to agree. They don't do this because they want to keep the money for themselves. There is a limited pool

of money that they have to work with and the aren't going to get more by going out to the "stash" in the back.

> >

> > I believe that there are some very BAD teachers and school districts out there. But there are also some very good ones (I happen to be in one of them). Most are somewhere in between. I believe that most teachers have a good heart and want to help children but they are also just people who make mistakes. Not all of my childrens teachers have been great some have not even been very good. I just try to really help them to learn from my son so they will be better with the next child that comes along with a disability.

> >

> > I know that this sounds preachy and some of you will be angry after reading it but I really felt compelled to write. If even one person can stop and put yourself in someone elses shoes for a minute maybe we can make progress toward having better schools for every child.

>

> > I believe in doing my part of my sons education which is making sure that my son is diagnosed and treated properly. I do this by working with the doctors. I work hard to educate the school district as to my sons disablity and how it affects his education. And I hold the school accountable to follow the law. The law is really on our side if we do our part.

> >

> > I hope I have not upset anyone to much.

> >

> > Vickie

> >

>

February 28, 2010

That is a sad example. You might ask your friend next time if this student has been dx'd and then, if she has gone through his history and done an evaluation on him. In other words, is she basing this on observations or an actual evaluation? That might get her to think a little.

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

( ) Re: A different point of view.

I have a friend who is now a school counselor in Florida and the last time I spoke to her I could tell if we actually tried to discuss it I'd probably end up not friends with her any more. She said something about a kid whose parents thought he had aspergers and she didn't agree and said stuff about the kid needing more discipline and she was just totally TOTALLY not getting it. It sucks because she has the same education I have except no autistic children. We became friends in college. Her masters is in school psychology. Mine is in social psychology but I could also have a graduate degree in autism spectrum disorders pretty quickly if I decided to go back to school. No doubt I'd fly through the material. LOL. Anyway, I just ended up not getting into it with her beyond a certain point because I don't know the child and have no way of telling whether or not my friend is right. I have no idea how I'd argue it with her except maybe to send her some information

.. Maybe I'll do that.

It makes me feel so angry that different states are so different. It shouldn't be that way. New Hampshire is supposedly in the top 10. I've heard about some districts here that aren't great but even those didn't sound as bad as what I saw in Texas. So many children in terrible situations. We knew a boy who was so much like except he'd lived in TX all his life and never had what he needed. He was in 5th grade when he finally got what he needed and it was pretty much too late. He was so aggressive and dangerous. What happened is that when we moved I wrote letters to the person in the district who helped get placed at the really good school he finally ended up in in Texas. This other child got 's place when we left. He really was so like and I thought once he got into that placement he'd be okay but his aggression is so bad he ended up hurting one of the aides so bad an ambulance had to be called. He hurt other kids and friendships were destroyed be

cause one family wanted to befriend the kid and parents despite his difficulties and others didn't because the kid was dangerous! I know if I hadn't gotten out of that first school it's where we'd have ended up. would have been aggressive like that. Instead he's mostly verbal when he gets upset. He got pretty mad at me and made a little half-hearted open handed swipe in my general direction and pretty much that's the worst we see. He'll throw a game board across a room if he loses sometimes but he hasn't actually injured anyone for a LONG time. He is usually not aggressive and doesn't like when other people are aggressive.

Anyway, I think resources are wasted. These kids could grow up and become assets to their communities or end up institutionalized or in the criminal justice system or a drain in some other way.

Miriam

>

> Miriam, Thank you and well put. I say this living in FLorida which

> does not like to put children's education anywhere near important,

> and likes to cover it's a** at any cost anywhere. They point their

> faces at you and move their mouths, but nothing is done properly.

>

> I feel each state will give a radically different experience to

> its children and parents. The parents around here know to fight

> tirelessly for their children and climb ranks as the mouths that

> just move only respond to fear of the law. I think FL came 48th

> in the states as far as quality of public education. I had to

> advocate and help my undiagnosed daughter graduate senior year

> in highschool, lucky me I wasn't working that year! I was at the

> school MANY times SENIOR year!

>

> And they've already taken more money away from it........

>

> I wish we could get rid of No Child Left Behind and its testing

> and let teachers do what they want to do; teach and know their

> students!

>

> Jo

>

> I'm glad NH is working out well for you!

>

February 28, 2010

Way to go!! Thank You for sharing their progress... Gives the rest of us HOPE!!!

From: mimasdprofile <callis4773 (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Re: A different point of view. Date: Thursday, February 11, 2010, 12:28 PM

The hardest thing about being in a place that doesn't follow the laws is that you watch your child lose ground, deteriorate. They are already behind their peers, already at risk for depression and aggression and difficult behavior, they already have to work harder just to cope with their day, then to have a school that won't do what is needed is so detrimental. I watched my son go from being a happy, well-adjusted, slightly odd, easily frustrated, boy to being angry, depressed, frightened, scary aggressive wild thing. Then when he got back into a school that knew what to do his behavior went 180 degrees and he won awards for art work, wrote poetry, formed long lasting friendships, became attached to his teachers, call his sister his best friend, won an award for good citizenship and became a valued member of his school's community. He can be an asset if people know how to work with him or he can be a drain. It's in their best interests to do the

right things with him but at one school in Texas nobody saw it. He was "the bad kid". He didn't do any academic work.It was horrible. I was depressed, confused, anxious. My marriage was suffering. My daughter was suffering. I did my job. As every other school, every other professional, counselor, developmental pediatrician, educator who has worked with would tell you. Only one school tried to BLAME me for 's difficulties.Miriam> >> > I would like to share some thoughts that I have had over the last week or so after reading the posts. I know that there is a lot of frustration toward schools and teachers and I just wanted to provide a different point of view for concideration. This is not meant to upset anyone who is having

problems with their child.> > > > When my son started having trouble and getting diagnosed I was completely ignorant to most special needs issues. I will admit that I thought ADHD was an excuse for parents not knowing how to parent. I was a complete snob about it and thought that they were all a bunch of kids that needed a little discipline. Well then my son was diagnosed ADHD and I had to shift my perspective. I had to learn, very quickly what ADHD was really all about. As it turned out my son was not really ADHD it was a symptom of his AS (which is not uncommon for the diagnosis to get tweeked as they get older.)> > > > So I had years to learn first about ADHD and later about PDD's and AS with the help of many different specialists. The Psychologists, Psychiatrist and Neuropsycological testing all helped me to understand why my son does what he does and learn techniques for dealing with them.> >

> > I don't understand why as a group of parent that have gone to hell and back again trying to learn about our own children and their disability we are so uncompasionate toward others who don't understand. We come together as parents every day/week to ask each other for help yet we expect the teachers and schools to immediately know what to do. Even if the teachers have had some experience with Autism, Aspergers, PDD, ADHD, ODD or OCD they have never dealt with a child that is just like mine. Because they are all different. That is the nature of how AS affects them.> > > > Furthermore, if you have ever taken time to really talk to any of teachers and administrators you will find that often times they are dealing with a lot of other children and parents beside just YOUR child. Many time they are dealing with parents who refuse to see their child as having any problem at all and just expect the school to handle it.>

> > > Then they have the laws to deal with. The school can't just decide to treat your child different because they see a need. Have you ever sat down and read the Federal or State laws or the school district policy. It is just like running a business everything must be documented and all children must be held to the same rules unless they have been placed into and IEP or Accomodation plan. If they don't dot the i's and cross the t's they can get sued. > > > > Of course the schools must also look at the money part. But, if your child is in special ed they get extra money for that. If you have not done your part to get them in special ed than it is going to cost the district money to provide services and they are not likely to agree. They don't do this because they want to keep the money for themselves. There is a limited pool of money that they have to work with and the aren't going to get more by going out to the

"stash" in the back.> > > > I believe that there are some very BAD teachers and school districts out there. But there are also some very good ones (I happen to be in one of them). Most are somewhere in between. I believe that most teachers have a good heart and want to help children but they are also just people who make mistakes. Not all of my childrens teachers have been great some have not even been very good. I just try to really help them to learn from my son so they will be better with the next child that comes along with a disability. > > > > I know that this sounds preachy and some of you will be angry after reading it but I really felt compelled to write. If even one person can stop and put yourself in someone elses shoes for a minute maybe we can make progress toward having better schools for every child.> > > > I believe in doing my part of my sons education which is making sure that

my son is diagnosed and treated properly. I do this by working with the doctors. I work hard to educate the school district as to my sons disablity and how it affects his education. And I hold the school accountable to follow the law. The law is really on our side if we do our part.> > > > I hope I have not upset anyone to much.> > > > Vickie> >>

February 28, 2010

I hear you...and you know what...my friends tried to give me advice and blah blah..and tell me we are all in the same boat...blah blah...I hate that...and to hear a school counselor like that makes me mad, sad and sick.

I learned not to talk about my son or things going on with him to these so called "friends" ....actually we drifted apart ...so sad..

jan

ps. but maybe not...i don't feel so stressed by their comments...and beside i have better friends...you guys

From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...> Sent: Sun, February 28, 2010 9:13:44 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Re: A different point of view.

That is a sad example. You might ask your friend next time if this student has been dx'd and then, if she has gone through his history and done an evaluation on him. In other words, is she basing this on observations or an actual evaluation? That might get her to think a little.

Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

( ) Re: A different point of view.

I have a friend who is now a school counselor in Florida and the last time I spoke to her I could tell if we actually tried to discuss it I'd probably end up not friends with her any more. She said something about a kid whose parents thought he had aspergers and she didn't agree and said stuff about the kid needing more discipline and she was just totally TOTALLY not getting it. It sucks because she has the same education I have except no autistic children. We became friends in college. Her masters is in school psychology. Mine is in social psychology but I could also have a graduate degree in autism spectrum disorders pretty quickly if I decided to go back to school. No doubt I'd fly through the material. LOL. Anyway, I just ended up not getting into it with her beyond a certain point because I don't know the child and have no way of telling whether or not my friend is right. I have no idea how I'd argue it with her except maybe to send her some

information . Maybe I'll do that.It makes me feel so angry that different states are so different. It shouldn't be that way. New Hampshire is supposedly in the top 10. I've heard about some districts here that aren't great but even those didn't sound as bad as what I saw in Texas. So many children in terrible situations. We knew a boy who was so much like except he'd lived in TX all his life and never had what he needed. He was in 5th grade when he finally got what he needed and it was pretty much too late. He was so aggressive and dangerous. What happened is that when we moved I wrote letters to the person in the district who helped get placed at the really good school he finally ended up in in Texas. This other child got 's place when we left. He really was so like and I thought once he got into that placement he'd be okay but his aggression is so bad he ended up hurting one of the aides so bad an ambulance had to be called.

He hurt other kids and friendships were destroyed be cause one family wanted to befriend the kid and parents despite his difficulties and others didn't because the kid was dangerous! I know if I hadn't gotten out of that first school it's where we'd have ended up. would have been aggressive like that. Instead he's mostly verbal when he gets upset. He got pretty mad at me and made a little half-hearted open handed swipe in my general direction and pretty much that's the worst we see. He'll throw a game board across a room if he loses sometimes but he hasn't actually injured anyone for a LONG time. He is usually not aggressive and doesn't like when other people are aggressive.Anyway, I think resources are wasted. These kids could grow up and become assets to their communities or end up institutionalized or in the criminal justice system or a drain in some other way.Miriam>> Miriam, Thank you and well put. I say this living in FLorida which> does not like to put children's education anywhere near important,> and likes to cover it's a** at any cost anywhere. They point their> faces at you and move their mouths, but nothing is done properly.> > I feel each state will give a radically different experience to> its children and parents. The parents around here know to fight> tirelessly for their children and climb ranks as the mouths that> just move only respond to fear of the law. I think FL came 48th> in the states as far as quality of public education. I had to> advocate and help my undiagnosed daughter graduate senior year>

in highschool, lucky me I wasn't working that year! I was at the> school MANY times SENIOR year!> > And they've already taken more money away from it........> > I wish we could get rid of No Child Left Behind and its testing> and let teachers do what they want to do; teach and know their> students! > > Jo> > I'm glad NH is working out well for you! >

February 28, 2010

Yippeeeee, to your 13 year old, too!!! Isn't it the best feeling in the world?

Heck....I'm shocked at the honor roll. Happy, but shocked. After all the years of struggle, it wasn't even in my vocabulary.

I was totally content to just have my son happy. Sigh..............and smile.

It really is simple. Just treat others kindly and with respect.

Robin