Re: Re: New here, new to Asperger's

[Guest guest]

I agree about all that work teaching my ds skills. For a long time, he never used those skills outside of therapy or instructional situations. But as he got older, he slowly started implementing all those skills into his real life. I am so glad we kept at it and did not give up because he did "generalize" eventually. Many educators would argue against services because he couldn't/wouldn't generalize what he was learning. But eventually he did and I shudder to think how far behind he would be if we had waited until he was using these skills before proceeding. We also spent a lot of time coming up with generalizing goals as well - creating situations within the "real" world to help him start using things, prompting him to use skills until they became easily accessible to him on a "natural" basis. It is a lot of work, but glad we put the time in now.

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

Re: ( ) Re: New here, new to Asperger's

I second that. We have lived a very similar story as well. It is easier as time goes on, because after a while you are no longer searching for "the answer" and you start to realize that it is what it is and there is no good answer. You keep teaching adaptive skills, hoping they will sink in, set up your days for success, not care about what the public or relatives think anymore - since you are no longer questioning yourself. It is still hard, 13 years later, but SO MUCH easier than it was at 3 1/2. Oh my god, I cringe at how difficult it was then, not knowing what the heck to do, nothing working. You start to see the successes of past efforts, as the maturity sinks in and the kids can actually "use" the skills you have been trying to teach for years and years. They come up with them, as if they were their own solutions! Too funny. Works for me.

Hang in there. Been there, done that. Now doing it the second time around with my daughter who is 9......

( ) Re: New here, new to Asperger's

Amber it is amazing when people write how similiar these kids

symptoms are. My daughter is now 11. I remember how exhausted

I was by the time my husband got home.

My daughter too in preschool would gather nuts from the ground

instead of playing with the other kids. She too loves animals.

Loves to read about animals, loves to study nature.

I belong to a Asperger group, but face to face mom's

tend to talk about the positive traits of their kids.

I felt my daughter was unique until I joined this group and realized

a lot of people don't want to talk about the more difficult

issues in public perhaps.

I use to say every transition takes 2 hours with her.

During the early years I got her out of the house everyday.

She had very avoidant behavior and still does. But I noticed

if we stayed home she had bigger boredom meltdowns in the

afternoon. If we went out she had a meltdown about going home and having to get back into the car seat. There was no way to avoid the meltdown.

But at 3 and 1/2 she was so verbal. She gave the impression of

great intellect.

There were always meltdowns. But she could cope better the

more predictable the day was. One counselor told me when

she has a very bad meltdown to go back to the place and redo it.

I think this was good advice. If the mall overwhelmed her,

we went back shortly after with a simplified plan. We would

rehearse with her we are going to 1 store and a snack and then leave.

It helped. And it made places safe again.

I use to get her ready for bed at 7pm. It seemed she could

not be rushed in any way.

I had to sleep with her for years. She still says she can't

fall asleep (she does, she is just very anxious about the thought).

A few years ago we got a RV trailer at a campground that has

a farm theme and she has made friends with the younger children.

They have all sorts of animals to feed sheep, horses, rabbits.

It has worked well for us. And it gives me a chance to be around

other adults. She still has meltdowns here sometimes. It is

embarassing. But we finally are taking steps to treat the anxiety

with medication. She has never been cooperative with therapy for

anxiety.

I do understand what you are going thru. It was exhausting

especially since I thought I was doing something wrong.

It is better to have the DX and have support from others.

Write anytime about any issues that come up.

Pam

> wrote:

>

> Hello, I am so happy I found this group. My 3 1/2 year old daughter was just diagnosed with Asperger's. We feel so alone! We have always known she is different, and she has always been a very challenging child. She was diagnosed back in March with Anxiety, OCD, Selective Mutism, and a Sleep Disorder. She also saw an OT for Sensory Processing Disorder. When we went back for our follow-up appointment this past week, the diagnosis was changed to Asperger Syndrome. My dh and I feel that it is an appropriate diagnosis.

>

> Our daughter has been very challenging with her behavior. We are constantly walking on egg shells around her, as she seems to constantly be having meltdowns. She is very defiant, and wants to be in charge. If things don't go her way, she explodes and takes hours to calm down. I stay home with her and my 1 year old, and I am exhausted.

>

> Her social skills are definitely lacking. She does not have any interest interacting with children her own age. She fights with them, or flat out tells them she doesn't want to play. She does have a couple friends, but they are all several years older, and she doesn't really do real interactive play with them, more or less just follows them around and observes.

>

> She spends most of her day outside hunting for bugs. She has no fear of spiders or bees, and tantrums when I refuse to pick them up for her. She loves animals of all kinds and always has from what I can remember. When she was just 15 months old and we were at a petting zoo, she went around giving all the goats kisses! She is also very into transportation. Cars, trains, buses, cranes, planes, etc. all really interest her.

>

> She is a very bright child. She had a very large vocabulary early on (50+ words at a year) and is constantly saying things that amaze us. She has an amazing memory, she does not forget anything.

>

> I think that pretty much sums her up. We are awaiting help. Our Early Intervention is closed for summer break (until July 6), so we are trying to be patient! We are having a real challenge with her right now, as she is constantly in meltdown, and constantly crying or screaming at us. She has also started having night terrors which makes her already challenging sleep behavior even more difficult to deal with.

>

> I'm looking forward to connecting with other parents dealing with this. It's so hard having a different child...especially when other people just don't get it.

>

> Amber

>

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