Re: Disappointed and Angry

June 28, 2009

If only it had been that simple with Mack!!! Nothing works except constant external structure from large males who can make him do things!I am extremely depressed & distressed! My marriage is in major trouble because of my fear, frustration, & anxiety with this child. I can't wait until Friday when I leave for a 10 day visit with my daughter, sil, & grandson to celebrate the baby's first birthday!Sent from my iPhoneBlessings, DonnaOn Jun 28, 2009, at 9:48 AM, Roxanna <MadIdeas@...> wrote:

I don't know if you would have to be that structured forever. You set it up to learn "how" to do something correctly or to encourage cooperation. Then you would fade the rewards and hopefully it would become more natural to do the right thing. Ultimately, that is the goal - independence. If that is not something you are working for, it might seem too overwhelming to keep adding "structure."

Some kids may need written charts and picture schedules as well long into the future, that would help instead of having someone constantly cueing them. But many adults use lists and agenda's in their every day life because they need it too. So I think the idea is to teach how to use these "helpers" to manage life independently.

I would also concentrate on a few things at a time - whatever you can manage/handle. Everyone has their limits. We are NOT structured here, I wish we were. But my kids are older now too. We had more structure when my now 12 yo (hfa) was a toddler as we were busy teaching him things. I make him a daily school schedule (we eschool) too and I am trying to get him to use it to manage this next year (big job there, lol) But you need to evaluate what you need and take steps to make it happen. If you don't see the value in something or you are too overwhelmed, you might think of scaling back for a while.

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

( ) Re: Disappointed and Angry

It is difficult for us to set up things that fit their needs,

but easy for them to avoid anything the least bit challenging.

I was working again with a AS behaviorist and he wanted me to

use more Parent Management with my daughter. She goes to class

and participates, she earns TV time.

It is hard to structure everything like this. I am willing to go this far for important things, attendance at school, bedtime, hygiene. But I find it hard to imagine living our whole

life like this.

I wonder if anyone in our has such a highly structured family

life to shape cooperative behaviors.

Pam

>

> I don't know what to do with my kid. I try and try to find basic things for him to learn and he is all okay and then the get there and behaves like a 2 yr old.

>

> We have been talking about swimming lesson. He is been to the same place three summers. He got dressed at 7:30 am with his swin suit even though his class was at 6:30 pm. Got his earplugs and even told me it was time to leave.

>

> Gets there and won't do anything his told and even pee in the pool. How embarasing. I was so furious with him. Lately, everything we tried ends up in a big drama, but then he complains of not having friends, being bored, etc.

>

> I can't take this any longer. I really hate my life.

>

> Id

>

A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!

June 28, 2009

{{Donna}} I wish there were easier answers for Mack. Sometimes with mental illness, you can't work with it - they will always need supervision. I hope you have your dh work on finding him an outside placement while you are gone. And enjoy your vacation!!! Rest and relax!!!

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

( ) Re: Disappointed and Angry

It is difficult for us to set up things that fit their needs,

but easy for them to avoid anything the least bit challenging.

I was working again with a AS behaviorist and he wanted me to

use more Parent Management with my daughter. She goes to class

and participates, she earns TV time.

It is hard to structure everything like this. I am willing to go this far for important things, attendance at school, bedtime, hygiene. But I find it hard to imagine living our whole

life like this.

I wonder if anyone in our has such a highly structured family

life to shape cooperative behaviors.

Pam

>

> I don't know what to do with my kid. I try and try to find basic things for him to learn and he is all okay and then the get there and behaves like a 2 yr old.

>

> We have been talking about swimming lesson. He is been to the same place three summers. He got dressed at 7:30 am with his swin suit even though his class was at 6:30 pm. Got his earplugs and even told me it was time to leave.

>

> Gets there and won't do anything his told and even pee in the pool. How embarasing. I was so furious with him. Lately, everything we tried ends up in a big drama, but then he complains of not having friends, being bored, etc.

>

> I can't take this any longer. I really hate my life.

>

> Id

>

A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!

June 28, 2009

I hope that my husband will work on it, too. That was supposed to be the plan

while Mack was with his mom for four weeks. But with my husband it seems to be

out of sight, out of mind! And if I bring it up it causes major arguments!

If Mack is not a problem while I am gone, then my husband will likely not do a

thing.

so I feel like it is a losing battle. Nag until he does something or do it

myself and either way have my husband telling me how much he misses his son and

then i feel responsible.

---- Roxanna <MadIdeas@...> wrote:

>

> {{Donna}}? I wish there were easier answers for Mack.? Sometimes with mental

illness, you can't work with it - they will always need supervision.? I hope you

have your dh work on finding him an outside placement while you are gone.? And

enjoy your vacation!!!? Rest and relax!!!?

>

> ?Roxanna

>

> " The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do

nothing. " E. Burke

>

> ( ) Re: Disappointed and Angry

>

> It is difficult for us to set up things that fit their needs,

>

> but easy for them to avoid anything the least bit challenging.

>

> I was working again with a AS behaviorist and he wanted me to

>

> use more Parent Management with my daughter. She goes to class

>

> and participates, she earns TV time.

>

> It is hard to structure everything like this. I am willing to go this far for

important things, attendance at school, bedtime, hygiene. But I find it hard to

imagine living our whole

>

> life like this.

>

> I wonder if anyone in our has such a highly structured family

>

> life to shape cooperative behaviors.

>

> Pam

>

> >

>

> > I don't know what to do with my kid. I try and try to find basic things for

him to learn and he is all okay and then the get there and behaves like a 2 yr

old.

>

> >

>

> > We have been talking about swimming lesson. He is been to the same place

three summers. He got dressed at 7:30 am with his swin suit even though his

class was at 6:30 pm. Got his earplugs and even told me it was time to leave.

>

> >

>

> > Gets there and won't do anything his told and even pee in the pool. How

embarasing. I was so furious with him. Lately, everything we tried ends up in

a big drama, but then he complains of not having friends, being bored, etc.

>

> >

>

> > I can't take this any longer. I really hate my life.

>

> >

>

> > Id

>

> >

>

> A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!

>

June 28, 2009

I hope that my husband will work on it, too. That was supposed to be the plan

while Mack was with his mom for four weeks. But with my husband it seems to be

out of sight, out of mind! And if I bring it up it causes major arguments!

If Mack is not a problem while I am gone, then my husband will likely not do a

thing.

so I feel like it is a losing battle. Nag until he does something or do it

myself and either way have my husband telling me how much he misses his son and

then i feel responsible.

---- Roxanna <MadIdeas@...> wrote:

>

> {{Donna}}? I wish there were easier answers for Mack.? Sometimes with mental

illness, you can't work with it - they will always need supervision.? I hope you

have your dh work on finding him an outside placement while you are gone.? And

enjoy your vacation!!!? Rest and relax!!!?

>

> ?Roxanna

>

> " The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do

nothing. " E. Burke

>

> ( ) Re: Disappointed and Angry

>

> It is difficult for us to set up things that fit their needs,

>

> but easy for them to avoid anything the least bit challenging.

>

> I was working again with a AS behaviorist and he wanted me to

>

> use more Parent Management with my daughter. She goes to class

>

> and participates, she earns TV time.

>

> It is hard to structure everything like this. I am willing to go this far for

important things, attendance at school, bedtime, hygiene. But I find it hard to

imagine living our whole

>

> life like this.

>

> I wonder if anyone in our has such a highly structured family

>

> life to shape cooperative behaviors.

>

> Pam

>

> >

>

> > I don't know what to do with my kid. I try and try to find basic things for

him to learn and he is all okay and then the get there and behaves like a 2 yr

old.

>

> >

>

> > We have been talking about swimming lesson. He is been to the same place

three summers. He got dressed at 7:30 am with his swin suit even though his

class was at 6:30 pm. Got his earplugs and even told me it was time to leave.

>

> >

>

> > Gets there and won't do anything his told and even pee in the pool. How

embarasing. I was so furious with him. Lately, everything we tried ends up in

a big drama, but then he complains of not having friends, being bored, etc.

>

> >

>

> > I can't take this any longer. I really hate my life.

>

> >

>

> > Id

>

> >

>

> A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!

>

July 7, 2009

Hang in there! Maybe you could write up some simple social stories about the activity and behaving appropriately. Let him know if he misbehaves, you will leave right away and then do it.

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

( ) Disappointed and Angry

I don't know what to do with my kid. I try and try to find basic things for him to learn and he is all okay and then the get there and behaves like a 2 yr old.

We have been talking about swimming lesson. He is been to the same place three summers. He got dressed at 7:30 am with his swin suit even though his class was at 6:30 pm. Got his earplugs and even told me it was time to leave.

Gets there and won't do anything his told and even pee in the pool. How embarasing. I was so furious with him. Lately, everything we tried ends up in a big drama, but then he complains of not having friends, being bored, etc.

I can't take this any longer. I really hate my life.

Id

A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!

July 7, 2009

Hi,I understand how you feel. It has happened to me...You child might be experiencing anxiety. Express your concerns to his therapist and she/he might has very good suggestion to help your son to deal with the situation in a positive way.I remembered one day, Stop and Shop had a customer appreciation party at the store I used to shop. There was a nice buffet with cheese and crackers, fruits, soft drink, etc. I was out of guard when my daughter chew all the cheese she found in the tray and vomit then over the food that were in the table. It was disgusting....It just happened so suddenly I could not stop her. The Customer Appreciation Party ended and my shopping there too...I grabbed my child and never came back to the store...I was so embarrassed...I am used to anything now, I think I do not get embarrass anymore.... From: "Roxanna" <MadIdeas@...> Sent: Tuesday, July 7, 2009 9:49:17 AM GMT -05:00 US/Canada EasternSubject: Re: ( ) Disappointed and Angry Hang in there!? Maybe you could write up some simple social stories about the activity and behaving appropriately.? Let him know if he misbehaves, you will leave right away and then do it.? ?Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke ( ) Disappointed and Angry I don't know what to do with my kid. I try and try to find basic things for him to learn and he is all okay and then the get there and behaves like a 2 yr old.We have been talking about swimming lesson. He is been to the same place three summers. He got dressed at 7:30 am with his swin suit even though his class was at 6:30 pm. Got his earplugs and even told me it was time to leave.Gets there and won't do anything his told and even pee in the pool. How embarasing. I was so furious with him. Lately, everything we tried ends up in a big drama, but then he complains of not having friends, being bored, etc.I can't take this any longer. I really hate my life.Id

July 7, 2009

Wow, that is quite a story. Thanks for sharing. I hope that I can get use to it. Most of the times if feels that is better to stay home inside away from the world so we don't "bother" anyone else. Then again, he has to live in the "real world" sooner or later. I just prefer not to see it because it causes me a lot of stress, anxiety and ager.

Ide

From: "tfitzge134@..." <tfitzge134@...> Sent: Tuesday, July 7, 2009 12:19:53 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Disappointed and Angry

Hi,I understand how you feel. It has happened to me...You child might be experiencing anxiety. Express your concerns to his therapist and she/he might has very good suggestion to help your son to deal with the situation in a positive way.I remembered one day, Stop and Shop had a customer appreciation party at the store I used to shop. There was a nice buffet with cheese and crackers, fruits, soft drink, etc. I was out of guard when my daughter chew all the cheese she found in the tray and vomit then over the food that were in the table. It was disgusting.. ..It just happened so suddenly I could not stop her. The Customer Appreciation Party ended and my shopping there too...I grabbed my child and never came back to the store...I was so embarrassed. ..I am used to anything now, I think I do not get embarrass

anymore.... From: "Roxanna" <MadIdeasaol (DOT) com> Sent: Tuesday, July 7, 2009 9:49:17 AM GMT -05:00 US/Canada EasternSubject: Re: ( ) Disappointed and Angry Hang in there!? Maybe you could write up some simple social stories about the activity and behaving appropriately. ? Let him know if he misbehaves, you will leave right away and then do it.? ?Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke ( ) Disappointed and Angry

I don't know what to do with my kid. I try and try to find basic things for him to learn and he is all okay and then the get there and behaves like a 2 yr old.We have been talking about swimming lesson. He is been to the same place three summers. He got dressed at 7:30 am with his swin suit even though his class was at 6:30 pm. Got his earplugs and even told me it was time to leave.Gets there and won't do anything his told and even pee in the pool. How embarasing. I was so furious with him. Lately, everything we tried ends up in a big drama, but then he complains of not having friends, being bored, etc.I can't take this any longer. I really hate my

life.Id

July 7, 2009

ROFL! I can imagine you were horrified at the time. This reminds me of a party we went to at my dh's boss's house. They had a table set up with cupcakes. We later heard someone talking and saying something like, "Some cupcakes come without frosting...." and we glanced over to see our dd (NT) under the table. She was probably 5 at the time. She would grab one, lick off the icing, then return it. OMG. We sorta yanked her outa there and never said a word. lol.

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

( ) Disappointed and Angry

I don't know what to do with my kid. I try and try to find basic things for him to learn and he is all okay and then the get there and behaves like a 2 yr old.

We have been talking about swimming lesson. He is been to the same place three summers. He got dressed at 7:30 am with his swin suit even though his class was at 6:30 pm. Got his earplugs and even told me it was time to leave.

Gets there and won't do anything his told and even pee in the pool. How embarasing. I was so furious with him. Lately, everything we tried ends up in a big drama, but then he complains of not having friends, being bored, etc.

I can't take this any longer. I really hate my life.

Id

A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!

July 8, 2009

Love that story Roxanna. LOL. Great start to my day.

Vickie

>

> ROFL!? I can imagine you were horrified at the time.? This reminds me of a

party we went to at my dh's boss's house.? They had a table set up with

cupcakes.? We later heard someone talking and saying something like, " Some

cupcakes come without frosting.... " and we glanced over to see our dd (NT) under

the table.? She was probably 5 at the time.? She would grab one, lick off the

icing, then return it.? OMG.? We sorta yanked her outa there and never said a

word.? lol.?

>

> ?Roxanna

>

> " The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do

nothing. " E. Burke

>

> ( ) Disappointed and Angry

>

> ?? ?

>

> ?? ? ? ? ? ?

> ?? ? ? ? ?

> ?

>

> ?? ? ?

> I don't know what to do with my kid. ?I try and try to find basic things for

him to learn and he is all okay and then the get there and behaves like a 2 yr

old.

>

> We have been talking about swimming lesson. ?He is been to the same place

three summers. ?He got dressed at 7:30 am with his swin suit even though his

class was at 6:30 pm. ?Got his earplugs and even told me it was time to leave.

>

> Gets there and won't do anything his told and even pee in the pool. ?How

embarasing. ?I was so furious with him. ?Lately, everything we tried ends up in

a big drama, but then he complains of not having friends, being bored, etc.

>

> I can't take this any longer. ?I really hate my life.

>

> Id

>

> ?

>

> ?? ?

> ??

>

> ?? ?

>

> ?? ?

>

> ?? ?

> ?

>

July 10, 2009

I have to agree Roxanna...that was awesome.

> >

> > ROFL!? I can imagine you were horrified at the time.? This reminds me of a

party we went to at my dh's boss's house.? They had a table set up with

cupcakes.? We later heard someone talking and saying something like, " Some

cupcakes come without frosting.... " and we glanced over to see our dd (NT) under

the table.? She was probably 5 at the time.? She would grab one, lick off the

icing, then return it.? OMG.? We sorta yanked her outa there and never said a

word.? lol.?

> >

> > ?Roxanna

> >

> > " The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do

nothing. " E. Burke

> >

> > ( ) Disappointed and Angry

> >

> > ?? ?

> >

> > ?? ? ? ? ? ?

> > ?? ? ? ? ?

> > ?

> >

> > ?? ? ?

> > I don't know what to do with my kid. ?I try and try to find basic things for

him to learn and he is all okay and then the get there and behaves like a 2 yr

old.

> >

> > We have been talking about swimming lesson. ?He is been to the same place

three summers. ?He got dressed at 7:30 am with his swin suit even though his

class was at 6:30 pm. ?Got his earplugs and even told me it was time to leave.

> >

> > Gets there and won't do anything his told and even pee in the pool. ?How

embarasing. ?I was so furious with him. ?Lately, everything we tried ends up in

a big drama, but then he complains of not having friends, being bored, etc.

> >

> > I can't take this any longer. ?I really hate my life.

> >

> > Id

> >

> > ?

> >

> > ?? ?

> > ??

> >

> > ?? ?

> >

> > ?? ?

> >

> > ?? ?

> > ?

> >

>

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