Re: Carol Gray & Social Stories

[Guest guest]

Deb I didn't see anyone else respond to you. I have tried to

write social stories for my daughter, but she resists

talking about others perspectives. She still insists

others see thing the way she does.

I try to focus on one social skill area at a time and

reinforce it over and over. This is the only thing that

works for my daughter. So for awhile I kept talking about

staying on topic at our weekly religion class. But my daughter

is so resistent to the whole social picture. She responded

to me saying that in class we need to stay on topic. This

sounded like a rule to her. And she liked it in class if

I pointed out the times I tended to go off topic.

But she still at 11 does not like it if I say what might

others be thinking when someone goes off topic ...

this is too abstract for her ..to guess what others think ..

and if I say well others may not be interested in that

topic (so there is no guessing) she will argue that kids

like her topics ...why wouldn't they ...

So we are still at a basic phase: here is the social rule,

and I follow up with praise when she follows it.

I hope others respond that may have gotten farther along

in the social story process.

Pam

>

> I'm pretty new to the group. As I said in my intro post, we've only known

about my 8-year-old daughter's dx for a few months. Thanks for the replies so

far about social skills being taught in schools. I have another question about

this. I'd like to help my daughter with certain skills at home. I've been

reading about Carol Gray's Social Stories and I ordered her most recent

collection of them. But I have no idea how to use them when they arrive. Has

anyone else used these at home? My DD is a good independent reader, so I can

imagine just leaving the book lying around for her to read. . . . but it seems

like more structure & discussion would be a good idea. Any suggestions for how

to use them? Thanks!

>

> Deb

>

[Guest guest]

>

> I hope others respond that may have gotten farther along

> in the social story process.

My son has never responded much to the social story process either. What I've

noticed helping him is just having things explained, briefly. He responds best

to someone other than me in a social skills training group, but sometimes he

listens when we explain things too.

Ruth

[Guest guest]

I wonder if anyone has gotten anywhere on teaching social perspective.

My daughter thinks everyone sees things as she does. If I say

what do you think others might be thinking about you biting

my hand and she said " that you are annoying me " ... No

I said they may think you are old to be acting this way ..

No connection made ...usually kids if they do something

and you say something about it ..they may seem embarassed

and stop right away.

And she is so worried what kids think about her but

if you point out any behavior she can't make the connection.

Anyone have any luck?

Pam

In , " debandbaby " <daboyle@...> wrote:

>

> I'm pretty new to the group. As I said in my intro post, we've only known

about my 8-year-old daughter's dx for a few months. Thanks for the replies so

far about social skills being taught in schools. I have another question about

this. I'd like to help my daughter with certain skills at home. I've been

reading about Carol Gray's Social Stories and I ordered her most recent

collection of them. But I have no idea how to use them when they arrive. Has

anyone else used these at home? My DD is a good independent reader, so I can

imagine just leaving the book lying around for her to read. . . . but it seems

like more structure & discussion would be a good idea. Any suggestions for how

to use them? Thanks!

>

> Deb

>

[Guest guest]

>

> And she is so worried what kids think about her but

> if you point out any behavior she can't make the connection.

This is exactly the experience I have (14yo son with AS). However, he does

figure things out little by little by himself just like any kid--it is just a

much, much slower process. He is a lot better at 14 than he has ever been. As

far as we can tell from his last school evaluation--and they did a LOT of

observing--he isn't doing any of the stimming or annoying behaviors he did when

younger. The problem now is that he isn't replacing very much of that behavior

with anything. He just sits and doesn't do anything most of the time, doesn't

join in in the socializing going on around him. To watch him, you wouldn't

think he was getting anything out of it, he shows little body language or facial

expression. But, fact of the matter is, he is enjoying himself, sometimes quite

a bit, in his own way. The way he may describe something is very different from

the way it looks. So, now it seems it is a matter of him learning how to

initiate showing how he feels, making connections and maintaining them. He

still doesn't have any friends, although he has 3 or 4 kids at school he talks

too--if they happen to be around. He's trying to figure out how to build

friendships with the kids who happen to be in his classes. He doesn't seem to

be thinking yet about initiating bringing people into his life if they don't

just happen to be there.

And I don't think this is totally on his own, although he deserves a lot of the

credit. But, he has had social skills training and we have always worked with

him. My feeling on the social skills training is not to be so picky as

professionals would have you be. The class doesn't have to be a perfect fit, it

just has to get them thinking and keep them thinking. I was never able to find

a perfect social skills class with kids his own age and level--usually it is

mostly ADHD kids, but I could see it helped. Something about the group dynamic

with other kids. Point being--don't give up on all your social skills work you

are doing just because you don't see immediate results. This is a lifetime

commitment. You're doing great!

Ruth

[Guest guest]

I would love to hear more about others' experiences with this (working on social

skills at home). I don't think my daughter really (deep down) thinks there's

anything wrong with her behavior, ever. She is not actually that oppositional,

and if I ask her to stop doing some annoying behavior (like going on and on and

on about magic potions and other imaginary scenarios while we are at the grocery

store), she will stop -- but I don't think she comprehends why I ask her to

stop. It all seems like arbitrary rules to her (as far as I can tell). Luckily

she is fairly compliant about trying to follow rules. But it seems like she'd

be mystified if I tried trying to change other behaviors, that she so far

doesn't see anything wrong with. I don't know how to convey to her, without

making her mad or hurting her feelings, that there are actually a whole bunch of

other behaviors that really need to change!

Incidentally, she does not know about the Asperger's diagnosis. That's another

whole issue -- when to tell her and how.

Deb

> >

> > I'm pretty new to the group. As I said in my intro post, we've only known

about my 8-year-old daughter's dx for a few months. Thanks for the replies so

far about social skills being taught in schools. I have another question about

this. I'd like to help my daughter with certain skills at home. I've been

reading about Carol Gray's Social Stories and I ordered her most recent

collection of them. But I have no idea how to use them when they arrive. Has

anyone else used these at home? My DD is a good independent reader, so I can

imagine just leaving the book lying around for her to read. . . . but it seems

like more structure & discussion would be a good idea. Any suggestions for how

to use them? Thanks!

> >

> > Deb

> >

>

[Guest guest]

We have had A LOT of success using my own idea of social stories. I couldn't quite wrap my brain around what I've glanced at written by Carol Gray. So I just took the concept of writing personal stories for my son with social cues and ran with it. I used my son's teacher's "class rules" list to write one for school and the teachers immediately saw a difference. We had a great K teacher. I would send in any story I'd write and she'd read through new stories with him sometime that day. His special ed teacher used some "pre-fab" ones but I didn't see nearly the same results. If anyone wants to e-mail me personally, I'd be happy to send you a .pdf version of one of my stories. We've had a lot of change in our lives in the last year (my Aspie started Kindergarten,and I had major surgery). I'm not sure where we would be without all the stories we've written. My son can remember things spoken really well so I wouldn't have thought they would be so helpful but the've been GREAT for us. I'd love to be of help to anyone who'd like to try it.

Blessings!

www.cuddlebugkids.com

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[Guest guest]

>

> I would love to hear more about others' experiences with this (working on

social skills at home).

One of the major things that I've discovered is that it can't just be at home.

It can't just be coming from one place or one person. If my son hears me

telling him something at home, but doesn't hear it at school, he doesn't believe

it is for real. He thinks I don't know. I can't explain things to him the same

way I can my NT son. And it goes the other way (from school to home--and other

places too, for that matter).

To my experience, one of the most important things is getting at least some

things reinforced in the various different environments your child spends time

with. Like the example of writing a social story and getting your child's

teacher to use it too. That would make a tremendous difference.

This is one of the things that kept me fighting for SPED services for my child

when the school was so clearly not interested in participating! I could see the

social skills would never really work just coming from me or even from me and

weekly social skills classes. It has to be more encompassing than that.

Sometimes you'll have serendipitous things happen. We couldn't get my son to

stop wearing sweat pants to school willingly. He didn't believe us that they

looked kind of goofy at his age. Well, enter 7th grade. All it took was a

comment from one or two kids. He came home from school angry that I'd " let " him

wear sweatpants, swearing he was never going to wear them again (and he didn't

LOL). One time I'm not so sure being teased a little wasn't a good thing.

Ruth