Re: Ideas for dealing with school refusal?

[Guest guest]

We had huge problems with this for several years and finally at the end of 5th

grade we decided to Homeschool. Life is much much better for everyone. I don't

think it's something they can control at all. And I decided not to force my son

to take meds so that he could go to school. Good luck and I know how hard that

is.

Sent from my iPhone

[Guest guest]

Probably medication is the next step if he is not on it already.

As I have been writing to others there are many clinical trials

of SSRI's (zoloft, prozac) for AS kids that show they are

effective (Dr. Hollander " Clinical Treatment of Autism " ).

Change is difficult, my daughter is on medication and she too

has been very difficult to get to school the last two weeks.

We had to have the psychiatrist write a note about the tardies

otherwise we are threatened with truancy.

It was around 3rd grade that my daughter too found school so

hard and anxiety was very high. Even now at 13 the school just

doesn't understand how much " changes " stress her out. They

say life has " stress " ...

I would not get physical and drag him out of the house. I tried that

and now I am trying to undo her pulling on me when she

wants to go somewhere. I regret ever doing that. It also

tends to escalate things in the family. And I would

get very mad when she fought back hard. Which my child did.

It escalated her. But you know your child, a more passive child

may cooperate. We have the ridgid, oppositional type of kid.

Not good to get into power struggles with these kids.

You can try to validate that you know your son is very stressed

but reassure him he will feel better once he gets there and

settled in. You have to be the wise mind while he is being the

emotional mind. Although this tactic taught to me by our therapist

may help develop a way of thinking in the long term it

does little when my daughter is so emotional.

Many things that I am taught are simply not to make life

worse at home.

Pam

>

> Hey all,

>

> We have an almost 9-y-o with Asperger's. Probably our biggest problem is

> the anxiety and with that anxiety goes general fear of going to school.

> Once he gets to school and sees his aide he's generally fine, but getting

> him up and out the door can be very difficult. He has been particularly

> difficult since after break after a period of being pretty good leading up

> to break. Specifically he refuses to get ready, runs and hides, yells,

> throws things at me, hits me with his clothes, and sometimes actually hits

> me or his sister. I stay very calm (I'm finally getting relatively good at

> that) and just remind him of the supports in place at school, that he's

> doing a good job, that even when he has moments where he's having problems,

> he has the aide to help and he's been able to pull it together, yada yada.

> I remind him that I need to go to work to help pay for our lives. A few

> times now I have resorted to telling him that not going to school is illegal

> so if he doesn't want to go I'll have to have the police come by to check on

> him. I don't threaten or say they'll arrest him or anything, just that

> they'll have to come by because he's supposed to go to school. Obviously I

> don't love that tactic, but it works and is easier than physically dragging

> him out the door. I'm sure many of you deal with this. Better strategies?

> The school really gives him a fair amount (the aide, chances to chill out,

> options on whether he wants to participate in things that upset him such as

> PE, field trips) so while I understand that it's difficult for him, for the

> most part he's ok there and it's MUCH better than it used to be. Whenever

> I've seen him at lunch or earlier pick up or something he seems perfectly

> settled. It's just the getting out the door thing that can be a HUGE

> drama. Oh, and the yelling in the car, threatening his sister, and calling

> me names. A lovely start to the day.

>

> Any ideas are welcome!

>

> E.V. Downey (Washington, DC)

>

[Guest guest]

My son was reluctant to go to school at that age, and I did what you did at

first - I made an effort to keep calm and be positive, while at the same time

making sure that he got some extra help in the classroom. I made him go to

school every day and when he got home I'd be the homework police, making sure

that he did every assignment. But eventually, as he got older he got bigger and

stronger and it was harder to get him out the door. What really, really worked

was to get an IEP with the right modifications, plus moving him to a new private

school for a fresh start. Before the new IEP, some of the homework assignments

were not appropriate for him and I discovered later that he was being bullied at

lunch and at recess by older students. At his new school, bullying and violence

were not tolerated. He felt safe and less anxious. From day 1 he came home with

a smile and after that I had absolutely no problems getting him to school. We

also started him on some medication for anxiety, which made a huge difference.

See if you can find out what's going on at school that is pushing him over the

edge. Maybe you can ask the school district to send an observer to watch him for

a day to see what parts of the day are difficult for him. The school district

offered to do this for us and it was a real eye opener for me.

[Guest guest]

My son is 5 yrs old and he is having big issues in the morning with going to

school. He also has the oppositional defiancy to go with it. As for right now

I'm also having to tell him that it's wrong not to go to school and that the

police will come by if he doesn't go to school. the only bad thing about that is

he is starting to have a fear of police. I know how you are feeling in this

subject and the only advise I have to give is of course stay strong and talk

things out with him. For me I try to make everything a game, like let's finish

breakfast before mommy or sister, or let's beat daddy getting dressed and out

the door. I hope everything works out for you and you family. Also I've tried

medicine and it didn't work .I had a zombie on my hands. God Bless.

>

> My son was reluctant to go to school at that age, and I did what you did at

first - I made an effort to keep calm and be positive, while at the same time

making sure that he got some extra help in the classroom. I made him go to

school every day and when he got home I'd be the homework police, making sure

that he did every assignment. But eventually, as he got older he got bigger and

stronger and it was harder to get him out the door. What really, really worked

was to get an IEP with the right modifications, plus moving him to a new private

school for a fresh start. Before the new IEP, some of the homework assignments

were not appropriate for him and I discovered later that he was being bullied at

lunch and at recess by older students. At his new school, bullying and violence

were not tolerated. He felt safe and less anxious. From day 1 he came home with

a smile and after that I had absolutely no problems getting him to school. We

also started him on some medication for anxiety, which made a huge difference.

See if you can find out what's going on at school that is pushing him over the

edge. Maybe you can ask the school district to send an observer to watch him for

a day to see what parts of the day are difficult for him. The school district

offered to do this for us and it was a real eye opener for me.

>

[Guest guest]

E.V.,

Have you tried an incentive chart? If not, maybe if you type up a list of

behaviors that you want him to do (like a responsibility chart), he can see what

is expected of him. Each day you can checkmark the boxes that he does

successfully.

At the end of the day, if he earns a certain amount of checkmarks he can have

something he likes. For my dd, it is ten minutes of computer time.

If he has all the boxes checkmarked for the day, you can give him something

special.

An alternative is that you can use a token system where he can earn a token a

day and at the end of the week, he can choose a reward.

This will put a positive spin on it and will make him responsible for his own

actions. If he doesn't do the work, he doesn't get the reward.

You can laminate the chart so that you can reuse it weekly.

Hope this helps.

Regards,

>

> Hey all,

>

> We have an almost 9-y-o with Asperger's. Probably our biggest problem is

> the anxiety and with that anxiety goes general fear of going to school.

> Once he gets to school and sees his aide he's generally fine, but getting

> him up and out the door can be very difficult. He has been particularly

> difficult since after break after a period of being pretty good leading up

> to break. Specifically he refuses to get ready, runs and hides, yells,

> throws things at me, hits me with his clothes, and sometimes actually hits

> me or his sister. I stay very calm (I'm finally getting relatively good at

> that) and just remind him of the supports in place at school, that he's

> doing a good job, that even when he has moments where he's having problems,

> he has the aide to help and he's been able to pull it together, yada yada.

> I remind him that I need to go to work to help pay for our lives. A few

> times now I have resorted to telling him that not going to school is illegal

> so if he doesn't want to go I'll have to have the police come by to check on

> him. I don't threaten or say they'll arrest him or anything, just that

> they'll have to come by because he's supposed to go to school. Obviously I

> don't love that tactic, but it works and is easier than physically dragging

> him out the door. I'm sure many of you deal with this. Better strategies?

> The school really gives him a fair amount (the aide, chances to chill out,

> options on whether he wants to participate in things that upset him such as

> PE, field trips) so while I understand that it's difficult for him, for the

> most part he's ok there and it's MUCH better than it used to be. Whenever

> I've seen him at lunch or earlier pick up or something he seems perfectly

> settled. It's just the getting out the door thing that can be a HUGE

> drama. Oh, and the yelling in the car, threatening his sister, and calling

> me names. A lovely start to the day.

>

> Any ideas are welcome!

>

> E.V. Downey (Washington, DC)

>

[Guest guest]

Our son has recently (after the break) been telling us EVERY DAY he refuses to go to school. He drags his feet in getting ready, and often makes us late. We have a 5 year old too.We always end up in a screaming match. I don't recommend this, just telling you we haven't found an answer either. He thinks it's all funny and a big game. It's so frustrating. Am looking for answers also.

From: EV Downey <dcmusicteacher@...> Sent: Tue, January 11, 2011 7:52:50 PMSubject: ( ) Ideas for dealing with school refusal?

Hey all, We have an almost 9-y-o with Asperger's. Probably our biggest problem is the anxiety and with that anxiety goes general fear of going to school. Once he gets to school and sees his aide he's generally fine, but getting him up and out the door can be very difficult. He has been particularly difficult since after break after a period of being pretty good leading up to break. Specifically he refuses to get ready, runs and hides, yells, throws things at me, hits me with his clothes, and sometimes actually hits me or his sister. I stay very calm (I'm finally getting relatively good at that) and just remind him of the supports in place at school, that he's doing a good job, that even when he has moments where he's having problems, he has the aide to help and he's been able to pull it together, yada yada. I remind him that I need to go to work to help pay for our lives. A few times now I have

resorted to telling him that not going to school is illegal so if he doesn't want to go I'll have to have the police come by to check on him. I don't threaten or say they'll arrest him or anything, just that they'll have to come by because he's supposed to go to school. Obviously I don't love that tactic, but it works and is easier than physically dragging him out the door. I'm sure many of you deal with this. Better strategies? The school really gives him a fair amount (the aide, chances to chill out, options on whether he wants to participate in things that upset him such as PE, field trips) so while I understand that it's difficult for him, for the most part he's ok there and it's MUCH better than it used to be. Whenever I've seen him at lunch or earlier pick up or something he seems perfectly settled. It's just the getting out the door thing that can be a HUGE drama. Oh, and the yelling in the car,

threatening his sister, and calling me names. A lovely start to the day.Any ideas are welcome!E.V. Downey (Washington, DC)

[Guest guest]

Well, it sounds like you really have some good supports in place for your son,

but I wonder if more could be done by the school. The fact that he is not

finishing homework could be because the schoolwork needs more accommodations.

Maybe he should be required to do a smaller number of math problems, for

example. Or maybe he needs to have assignments written out more step by step so

that he doesn't freeze because he isn't sure exactly what he is supposed to do.

Sometimes IEPs will put a limit on how much time your child should spend on

homework each night. It really is fair for him to have different homework than

everyone else because his brain is just wired differently.

He could, like my son at that age, have problems with hand-eye coordination and

so his handwriting could be slowing him down. My son wasn't holding his pencil

right and so was giving himself hand cramps. Some occupational therapy from the

school plus Aikido classes plus a small trampoline at home helped a lot with his

hand coordination problems. We also were able to get extra time for him on some

tests in the classroom since he needed more time to write things down.

Ultimately we did have to go the private high school school for AS kids that

cost $25k a year, but eventually the school district picked up the bill since

they had dragged their feet on helping him for so long. If I had to do it all

over again, I wish I would have started him in the special school at 6th grade.

It would have saved him years of suffering and psychological damage in the

public schools. At his new school, he got various therapies every day instead of

once or twice a month, plus was academically challenged. I could see a big

difference between him and the students that were at the school longer. They

were so much more social, less anxious, and were more prepared to do the things

that their peers were doing.

I also put off going to a private school for AS because of the cost. I didn't

realize that the school could pick up the tab. I didn't have to go to court. I

just had a lawyer join me at some of the IEP meetings and the school quickly

offered to cover tuition.

If you think you can work things out with the public school, maybe what you can

do is check out what this private school does. Maybe they have a summer program

your son could sign up for (and maybe the district will offer to cover the fee).

Maybe you can duplicate some of the activities that they do in your home. Keep

up the good work.

[Guest guest]

I agree with Diane. My son had the same refusal to go to school and like Diane I

discovered that he was being bullied both by classmates and one teacher in

particular. No wonder he didn't want to go get out of bed and go to school.

Check out the school and see if you can fix things in the school environment

before you try medicating him or forcing him to go. At one point, the doctors

told me to NOT force my son to go because it would cause him psychological

damage. Try getting him out of the house on the weekends to do things he loves.

I noticed that on Monday to Friday that my son's stress levels were high, but if

he had something fun to do on Saturday - he could pop out of bed with no

problems and be in good spririts. Come Monday, he was cranky again. The fact

that he was depressed and lethargic Monday to Friday made it clear that school

was becoming toxic for him. He was depressed because of school - and was not

clinically depressed.

[Guest guest]

I have to disagree with the thought that homeschooling means isolation. Check

out homeschooling some more. In our area there are at least 2 homeshooling

groups where the kids meet together for classes one day a week and then they

work independently at home the rest of the week. The groups have field trips and

parties. For phys ed, some of the girls would count their classes at the dance

studio, where my daughters take lessons. So what happens is that these

homeschooling kids are actually having lots of POSITIVE interactions with others

during the week.

[Guest guest]

Hello ,

I would encourage you to try to homeschool part time. My 6-yr-old son stays

home with me in the morning and we do online schooling with the K12 curriculum.

After lunch, I drop him off and he joins the 1st grade class for the rest of the

afternoon. I found it was too much for him to be in the classroom all day long,

but he is very social (though unskilled at social interactions) so I didn't want

him home all day.

My feeling is, we are paying big tax bucks for the school system so we should

try to make it work for us. The system should accomodate the children it

serves, not the other way around.

My husband though homeschooling would be a disaster but it has been working out

well for the most part so far.

in Colorado

>

> I have been wanting to home school my daughter for a long time. My husband

thinks it would be a big mistake because if she were homeschooled she would

never have any interaction with kids her age. It breaks my heart to see how

anxious she gets before school and how upset she sometimes looks after school.

>

<snipped>

[Guest guest]

. I don't know where you live but where we are there are a ton of Homeschool

groups and classes so this may not be an issue. Also my as child prefers to be

alone more than most typical peers and is thriving in a home school environment.

Listen to your gut. You know your child best. I am so so happy I didn't listen

to the cbt therapist who told us to continue to force him to go to school no

matter what.

Sent from my iPhone

[Guest guest]

Hello ,

I thought I already sent a reply, so if two messages from me show up, I

apologize in advance.

I encourage you to look into part time homeschooling. My son was really

struggling in full time public kindergarten, and I took him to half time in

January 2010. It was just too much time around all those people, and he didn't

like having to stop what he was doing when the bell rang or when the teacher

decided it was time to quit. He went to a Montessori preschool so he is

accustomed to working at his own pace. This year I teach him at home in the

morning using the K12 online curriculum. After lunch, I drop him off at the

public 1st grade so he can get some face time with other kids. It's working out

really well so far. I thought about HS full time but my son is very outgoing

(although not socially skilled) and he really wanted to maintain school-based

relationships..

My husband worried it would be a disaster but he was wrong. :-D

in Colorado

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> My son was reluctant to go to school at that age, and I did what you did at

first - I made an effort to keep calm and be positive, while at the same time

making sure that he got some extra help in the classroom. I made him go to

school every day and when he got home I'd be the homework police, making sure

that he did every assignment. But eventually, as he got older he got bigger and

stronger and it was harder to get him out the door. What really, really worked

was to get an IEP with the right modifications, plus moving him to a new private

school for a fresh start. Before the new IEP, some of the homework assignments

were not appropriate for him and I discovered later that he was being bullied at

lunch and at recess by older students. At his new school, bullying and violence

were not tolerated. He felt safe and less anxious. From day 1 he came home with

a smile and after that I had absolutely no problems getting him to school. We

also started him on

> some medication for anxiety, which made a huge difference. See if you can

find out what's going on at school that is pushing him over the edge. Maybe you

can ask the school district to send an observer to watch him for a day to see

what parts of the day are difficult for him. The school district offered to do

this for us and it was a real eye opener for me.

>

[Guest guest]

We hesitated about changing over to homeschooling because of our concerns about

socialization, too. But we saw that the socialization our daughter was

experiencing at school was far more negative than positive, and it was causing

her to want to avoid kids her own age in any setting. She started having lots

of health issues (intense and frequent migraines) so while getting the health

stuff under control was our primary reason for changing over to homeschooling,

we saw that her attitude about socializing IMPROVED once she wasn't at school

every day.

I don't know if your child is like this, but our daughter can have one negative

experience overshadow 20 really positive ones. Maybe it's based in anxiety --

her caution makes her remember, and protect against, the bad thing. So the more

bad experiences she was having at school (and she was having a lot of them

without help from the school or her teacher), the worse it made her in terms of

wanting to isolate herself and be almost hermit-like at all other times.

Since pulling her out of school and changing to homeschooling, our goal has been

to make sure that the social experiences with peers are positive ones. We'd

rather she have less frequent but GOOD interactions, versus daily bad social

experiences. And we are finding that as she sees that we trust her to take

social experiences at her own pace, she really is venturing out much more. Our

daughter sees some school friends, rides horses and hangs out with other girls

at the barn, and spends time volunteering at the local animal shelter where

there are often other kids her age around. She emails daily with friends, too.

Last summer she totally shocked us by asking to attend a week, long sleep-away

camp geared around computer classes. It wasn't easy for her but she made it and

had fun. Just recently she asked to do it again, and is considering the

possibility of doing it for two different weeks.

For our situation, that is a huge, huge victory.

[Guest guest]

I have to confess that homeschooling was pretty much a last resort idea in my

mind, and we came to it after we tried all sorts of other things. My husband

and I are big public school supporters -- and here in California where a lot of

folks are moving their kids to private schools, we wanted our daughter to

experience the diversity of public school.

But we saw that it didn't work for her. Our local public school option for

middle school would have put her in a large school, and we were seeing that with

her Aspergers and sensitivities to noise and crowds, it wasn't idea. We tried a

very small private school, where she had 12 kids in her class. The academics

were pretty good, but THAT is where the worst of the social stuff took place --

kids treating each other badly, some teachers treating kids badly, lots of

subtle bullying and ostracizing. And that's where school refusal reared its

scary head.

I said this before, but we saw it most dramatically in our daughter's physical

health going downhill. She started having intense migraines, bad nausea. It

was clear that she wasn't faking. She was missing school constantly because of

migraines, and we couldn't tell how much they were affected by the stress of

being at school.

That's what led us to pull her out of school. We decided that if she had

pneumonia, we'd keep her home -- why were we asking her to go to school or

deciding every day with frequent and severe chronic migraines? So our decision

was to handle her physical and emotional health FIRST and deal with her academic

life second.

It has made a huge, huge difference and now we have embraced home-schooling as

the best option for her situation. We tried an online, virtual school for a

semester -- but even that had its pressures and issues. Homeschooling allows us

to work with our daughter's strengths and interests, deal with her weaknesses in

a low-stress way, and schedule as her pace needs.

It has not just changed her mood and situation -- it has really transformed our

family. We were all so absorbed and worried as she struggled and got sick, and

now it's wonderful to see her thriving.

I learned one very significant thing when she was refusing school and we were

going to her counselor together. The more she said she didn't want to go, the

more I said that she had to, that i knew she didn't like it, etc., the more

helpless and overwhelmed she felt because she felt we weren't understanding how

profoundly difficult she found the school environment to be. She knew,

logically, that we were trying to do the right thing -- but her feeling once we

truly UNDERSTOOD that an institutional school setting was not the best for her

was lightened tremendously. It has changed our relationship with her -- she

knows we listen and care about what she says, and we have made drastic changes

to accommodate her needs.

I think when you think about the decision to home-school, it comes down to what

you know your child needs. You know your child best.

[Guest guest]

Kari,

Minnesota has independent school districts and many public charter schools.

There isn't an Aspergers only public school, but there are many charters that

focus on kids that struggle in larger, public schools. Minnesota is also and

open enrollment state and you can send you child to any public school in MN - if

they have room.

Each district is obligated to provide FAPE - free and appropriate public

education. It's the appropriate that's difficult. Many individual districts join

to form special education collaboratives and offer more appropriate instruction

together.

Aspergers and autism are what's called " low incidence. " Smaller districts and

most Charters just don't have the #s and the resources to offer APPROPRIATE

FAPE. They do the best they can with the resources they have.

DD started middle school at a Charter and it was HELL - we just got an Aspergers

diagnosis. She is currently in a SPED assessment center at a special education

collaborative our home district belongs to. Together we will figure out the best

place for DD. While there are no stand alone Aspergers schools there are several

level 3 and 4 CID centers within larger schools.

I am VERY familar with the MN education system. Please feel free to e-mail me

directly and I can help you figure out your different options.

Barbara S.

>

> There's a school just for Asperger's kids? I know there's one for preschool

age where they help with ABA or something around this area, but haven't heard of

any for older students. My dd is in 4th grade. They're doing their best and the

services are pretty good, but she doesn't seem to retain what she learns outside

of her one-on-one speech class, etc. Do you, or does anyone else here, know of

an Asperger's kids' school in Minnesota? Where is the school you found (if you

don't mind my asking)? Thanks! --Kari

>

[Guest guest]

You might consider meds if everything is really going well at school. My older ds had so much anxiety that he would come screaming off the bus like he was on fire. It was really awful. We had to eventually resort to meds and it really did help.

Another idea is to put his morning schedule in writing. You could also set up a token system for rewarding him for each phase of the process he accomplishes without a tantrum. You'd have to think about how to break it down and work on a step at a time. And if the anxiety is so over the top, that might just be a wasted effort.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) Ideas for dealing with school refusal?

Hey all,

We have an almost 9-y-o with Asperger's. Probably our biggest problem is the anxiety and with that anxiety goes general fear of going to school. Once he gets to school and sees his aide he's generally fine, but getting him up and out the door can be very difficult. He has been particularly difficult since after break after a period of being pretty good leading up to break. Specifically he refuses to get ready, runs and hides, yells, throws things at me, hits me with his clothes, and sometimes actually hits me or his sister. I stay very calm (I'm finally getting relatively good at that) and just remind him of the supports in place at school, that he's doing a good job, that even when he has moments where he's having problems, he has the aide to help and he's been able to pull it together, yada yada. I remind him that I need to go to work to help pay for our lives. A few times now I have resorted to telling him that not going to school is illegal so if he doesn't want to go I'll have to have the police come by to check on him. I don't threaten or say they'll arrest him or anything, just that they'll have to come by because he's supposed to go to school. Obviously I don't love that tactic, but it works and is easier than physically dragging him out the door. I'm sure many of you deal with this. Better strategies? The school really gives him a fair amount (the aide, chances to chill out, options on whether he wants to participate in things that upset him such as PE, field trips) so while I understand that it's difficult for him, for the most part he's ok there and it's MUCH better than it used to be. Whenever I've seen him at lunch or earlier pick up or something he seems perfectly settled. It's just the getting out the door thing that can be a HUGE drama. Oh, and the yelling in the car, threatening his sister, and calling me names. A lovely start to the day.

Any ideas are welcome!

E.V. Downey (Washington, DC)

[Guest guest]

Have you checked his magnesium levels?

Robyn

From: EV Downey <dcmusicteacher@...> Sent: Tue, January 11, 2011 10:52:50 PMSubject: ( ) Ideas for dealing with school refusal?

Hey all, We have an almost 9-y-o with Asperger's. Probably our biggest problem is the anxiety and with that anxiety goes general fear of going to school. Once he gets to school and sees his aide he's generally fine, but getting him up and out the door can be very difficult. He has been particularly difficult since after break after a period of being pretty good leading up to break. Specifically he refuses to get ready, runs and hides, yells, throws things at me, hits me with his clothes, and sometimes actually hits me or his sister. I stay very calm (I'm finally getting relatively good at that) and just remind him of the supports in place at school, that he's doing a good job, that even when he has moments where he's having problems, he has the aide to help and he's been able to pull it together, yada yada. I remind him that I need to go to work to help pay for our lives. A few times now I have

resorted to telling him that not going to school is illegal so if he doesn't want to go I'll have to have the police come by to check on him. I don't threaten or say they'll arrest him or anything, just that they'll have to come by because he's supposed to go to school. Obviously I don't love that tactic, but it works and is easier than physically dragging him out the door. I'm sure many of you deal with this. Better strategies? The school really gives him a fair amount (the aide, chances to chill out, options on whether he wants to participate in things that upset him such as PE, field trips) so while I understand that it's difficult for him, for the most part he's ok there and it's MUCH better than it used to be. Whenever I've seen him at lunch or earlier pick up or something he seems perfectly settled. It's just the getting out the door thing that can be a HUGE drama. Oh, and the yelling in the car,

threatening his sister, and calling me names. A lovely start to the day.Any ideas are welcome!E.V. Downey (Washington, DC)

[Guest guest]

I Like It!!!

From: E.C. <e.c.bernard@...> Cc: dcmusicteacher@...Sent: Wed, January 19, 2011 5:09:57 AMSubject: ( ) Ideas for dealing with school refusal?

Dear E.V.,

I have never tried this, but I wonder if on the weekend you and your son could make a video of the best way to go to school.

Since it is all just pretend, maybe it would work.

Show him “asleep†and the typical way you wake him up, doing the bathroom routines and breakfast and getting dressed routines.

Let him pick the music to put in the background and play the video for him.

Maybe when he wakes up he would watch the video as part of his going to school routine.

When he goes off track urge him to be more like “video†, (or whatever his name is.)

E.C. Bernard

www.ecbernard.org

[Guest guest]

We did some blood testing this summer -- I could look and see if they're on there.  What would be the problem?  Too high or too low?  We give him a magnesium supplement (it's included in a pill w/ some other stuff).  He's also on fish oil, Zoloft, and Intuniv.  Some days are fine, some days it takes forever to get him to leave.

I like the video idea.I also like the incentive idea.  The only thing that I'm worried about with that is that if he's having problems and then he doesn't get a reward for that day that it will set him up for a ruined day and even more trouble.  Anyway, will try it and see how it works.

Thanks!E.V.On Wed, Jan 19, 2011 at 7:32 AM, Robyn Iuliano <hamptonroadsaspergers@...> wrote:

 

Have you checked his magnesium levels?

 

Robyn

From: EV Downey <dcmusicteacher@...>

Sent: Tue, January 11, 2011 10:52:50 PMSubject: ( ) Ideas for dealing with school refusal?

 

Hey all, We have an almost 9-y-o with Asperger's.  Probably our biggest problem is the anxiety and with that anxiety goes general fear of going to school.  Once he gets to school and sees his aide he's generally fine, but getting him up and out the door can be very difficult.  He has been particularly difficult since after break after a period of being pretty good leading up to break.  Specifically he refuses to get ready, runs and hides, yells, throws things at me, hits me with his clothes, and sometimes actually hits me or his sister.  I stay very calm (I'm finally getting relatively good at that) and just remind him of the supports in place at school, that he's doing a good job, that even when he has moments where he's having problems, he has the aide to help and he's been able to pull it together, yada yada.  I remind him that I need to go to work to help pay for our lives.  A few times now I have

resorted to telling him that not going to school is illegal so if he doesn't want to go I'll have to have the police come by to check on him.  I don't threaten or say they'll arrest him or anything, just that they'll have to come by because he's supposed to go to school.  Obviously I don't love that tactic, but it works and is easier than physically dragging him out the door.  I'm sure many of you deal with this.  Better strategies?  The school really gives him a fair amount (the aide, chances to chill out, options on whether he wants to participate in things that upset him such as PE, field trips) so while I understand that it's difficult for him, for the most part he's ok there and it's MUCH better than it used to be.  Whenever I've seen him at lunch or earlier pick up or something he seems perfectly settled.  It's just the getting out the door thing that can be a HUGE drama.  Oh, and the yelling in the car,

threatening his sister, and calling me names.  A lovely start to the day.Any ideas are welcome!E.V. Downey (Washington, DC)