Re: Any Single Parent of Asperger's?

[Guest guest]

Been away for a couple of weeks thought I'd missed a major discovery, Iol.

From: Geo Dude <geo.dudeymail (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Any Single Parent of Asperger's? , happybrats3@ aol.comDate: Sunday, January 24, 2010, 8:14 PM

Some people cant admit their child isnt perfect because they cant admit that they themswlves arent perfect or to blame in some way. geo- Re: ( ) Any Single Parent of Asperger's?OH MY GOD that comment is SOOOOOOOOOO my ex husband! It's all my fault, blah blah blah. He'll only admit our son has issues when he talks to a dr./therapist etc. He refuses to admit it to me. Tracey In a message dated 1/24/2010 9:58:17 A.M. Central Standard Time (Mex, moonfly_jenn writes:His dad, my ex, has not been determined to have the same and doesn't see our son as having problems since "he's just like me".

Hotmail: Trusted email with Microsoft’s powerful SPAM protection. Sign up now.

[Guest guest]

Congratulations on baby #2, by the way! My 2nd child is so different than Dylan, but I started to realize early on that just because she's "neurotypical" doesn't mean it's going to be a breeze. I don't have to worry about her being ostracized in social situations, which I TRULY appreciate, but when you have a child who is very socially accepted, it opens up a lot of other challenges. Parenthood...a grab bag of fun and adventure =0)

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@...> Sent: Wed, January 27, 2010 3:27:51 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Any Single Parent of Asperger's?

Been away for a couple of weeks thought I'd missed a major discovery, Iol.

From: Geo Dude <geo.dudeymail (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Any Single Parent of Asperger's? , happybrats3@ aol.comDate: Sunday, January 24, 2010, 8:14 PM

Some people cant admit their child isnt perfect because they cant admit that they themswlves arent perfect or to blame in some way. geo- Re: ( ) Any Single Parent of Asperger's?OH MY GOD that comment is SOOOOOOOOOO my ex husband! It's all my fault, blah blah blah. He'll only admit our son has issues when he talks to a dr./therapist etc. He refuses to admit it to me. Tracey In a message dated 1/24/2010 9:58:17 A.M. Central Standard Time (Mex, moonfly_jenn writes:His dad, my ex, has not been determined to have the same and doesn't see our son as having problems since "he's just like me".

Hotmail: Trusted email with Microsoft’s powerful SPAM protection. Sign up now.

[Guest guest]

Thanks , appreciated. On telling my son he was going to have a little bro or sis, we asked if he would prefer a boy or a girl, he said I don't care it will be my friend. Its moments like that, that remind you he's just a little guy looking for love and friendship.

Lor B

From: Geo Dude <geo.dudeymail (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Any Single Parent of Asperger's? , happybrats3@ aol.comDate: Sunday, January 24, 2010, 8:14 PM

Some people cant admit their child isnt perfect because they cant admit that they themswlves arent perfect or to blame in some way. geo- Re: ( ) Any Single Parent of Asperger's?OH MY GOD that comment is SOOOOOOOOOO my ex husband! It's all my fault, blah blah blah. He'll only admit our son has issues when he talks to a dr./therapist etc. He refuses to admit it to me. Tracey In a message dated 1/24/2010 9:58:17 A.M. Central Standard Time (Mex, moonfly_jenn writes:His dad, my ex, has not been determined to have the same and doesn't see our son as having problems since "he's just like me".

Hotmail: Trusted email with Microsoft’s powerful SPAM protection. Sign up now.

[Guest guest]

My younger son is in 2nd grade. He is also very social and I think he tries very hard to be the opposite of his AS brother. Which like you said, leads to other challenges. But I am grateful that they have each other, and even though they fight, they do play together too. My younger son is probably one of the few kids who "gets" n, which is great. When Trevor (younger son) does complain about "Why does n always have to have things his way?" I try to explain as best as I can. I hope it will help him in the long run to grow up to be an understanding person

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suzanne

suzmarkwood@...

From: Geo Dude <geo.dudeymail (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Any Single Parent of Asperger's? , happybrats3@ aol.comDate: Sunday, January 24, 2010, 8:14 PM

Some people cant admit their child isnt perfect because they cant admit that they themswlves arent perfect or to blame in some way. geo- Re: ( ) Any Single Parent of Asperger's?OH MY GOD that comment is SOOOOOOOOOO my ex husband! It's all my fault, blah blah blah. He'll only admit our son has issues when he talks to a dr./therapist etc. He refuses to admit it to me. Tracey In a message dated 1/24/2010 9:58:17 A.M. Central Standard Time (Mex, moonfly_jenn writes:His dad, my ex, has not been determined to have the same and doesn't see our son as having problems since "he's just like me".

Hotmail: Trusted email with Microsoft’s powerful SPAM protection. Sign up now.

[Guest guest]

I went to a lecture a couple of days ago and the psychiatrist was speaking on "Is it ADHD or Is it Aspergers" and he said Autism is a spectrum with Autism on one side and men on the other... Said most men show traits of Autism or Aspergers. From: a Ayotte <phrayotte@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Re: Any Single Parent of Asperger's? Date: Tuesday, January 26, 2010, 4:46 PM

I am unsure which side it does come from but to be honest the amount of children that I have met with AS who have received this from their dad compared to their mom is somewhat overwhelming. I know that my own son is a direct reflection of his biological father (whom I divorced when DJ was 1) and also his brother has the same the (I still talk to his mom). It does seem odd and I am not saying that males are the reason at all.. who knows what it is really. My husband hasnt been diagnosed with anything but could be diagnosed with something I am sure! As for kids who are AS having kids... my own son is hesitant and says he will probably not have children because he doesnt want them to go through what he has had to go through.. he says there are plenty of children who need good homes out there so he will adopt if it comes down to it.

( ) Re: Any Single Parent of Asperger's?

I just wanted to comment how many people have noted that “dad’s side†of the family had the AS traits, but I also want to mention that I discussed inheritance of this disorder with a research psychologist on Friday since I was unable to find anything on the Internet. My concern was for my other “non ASD†older son who is hesitant about fathering another ASPIE. He saw that it can be transmitted through a non-ASD person; his aunt whose 10 yr old has AS. I was told by the researcher that there still hasn’t been any conclusive evidence of inheritance for any of the ASD diagnoses. I would truly appreciate a link to the information regarding the “male dominant trait/sex linkâ€. I also met some people in a support group who had daughters with AS, but inherited from dad. In addition, I have a therapist who treats many people who are children of AS parents. She has seen many people have the AS characteristics that were not inherited, but learned by living with their AS parent. Just food for thought………

Belita

[Guest guest]

Besides me and my dad, is the person Dylan spends the most time with. She's 8 now and he's teaching her how to play different video games with him. If it weren't for her, Dylan would be a pretty lonely kid. He told me the other day "other kids play with kids their own age" and I just acknowledged he was right and tried to walk through a couple of options with him. Nothing is a sure thing though, when it comes to him and friendships.

benefits from the extra patience and compassion she learns from being his little sister. I'm close to getting her into counseling so she has an outlet to talk about any of her problems (Dylan- or not-Dylan related.) I think, given the circumstances, it would help. She is socially wise beyond her years though.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@...> Sent: Wed, January 27, 2010 7:11:58 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Any Single Parent of Asperger's?

Thanks , appreciated. On telling my son he was going to have a little bro or sis, we asked if he would prefer a boy or a girl, he said I don't care it will be my friend. Its moments like that, that remind you he's just a little guy looking for love and friendship.

Lor B

From: Geo Dude <geo.dudeymail (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Any Single Parent of Asperger's? , happybrats3@ aol.comDate: Sunday, January 24, 2010, 8:14 PM

Some people cant admit their child isnt perfect because they cant admit that they themswlves arent perfect or to blame in some way. geo- Re: ( ) Any Single Parent of Asperger's?OH MY GOD that comment is SOOOOOOOOOO my ex husband! It's all my fault, blah blah blah. He'll only admit our son has issues when he talks to a dr./therapist etc. He refuses to admit it to me. Tracey In a message dated 1/24/2010 9:58:17 A.M. Central Standard Time (Mex, moonfly_jenn writes:His dad, my ex, has not been determined to have the same and doesn't see our son as having problems since "he's just like me".

Hotmail: Trusted email with Microsoft’s powerful SPAM protection. Sign up now.

[Guest guest]

I live in the Silicon

Valley which was declared 3 years ago to have the largest number of Asperger

people in the US.

All these computer nerds and their offspring! My poor girlfriends tell me that

every guy they meet has AS!

[Guest guest]

I doubt that is a provable fact.

Roxanna

" The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do

nothing. " E. Burke

Re: ( ) Any Single Parent of Asperger's?

> that asperger's is a male dominate trait and is sex linked meaning

>follows the male blood line

Can you please cite your scientific source for this.

(Although it really does not make a difference with respect to caring

for your child. Hopefully further studies can reduce the frequency of

the disorder and so understanding why it occurs is important).

Thank you,

[Guest guest]

It is something that affects more males than females but not

exclusively male. Plus, it doesn't just follow through the male side.

The autism comes through my side of the family (and I am definitely a

female.) I am sure as many out there could say the same about their

family.

Roxanna

" The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do

nothing. " E. Burke

Re: ( ) Any Single Parent of Asperger's?

 

> that asperger's is a male dominate trait and is sex linked meaning

>follows the male blood line

Can you please cite your scientific source for this.

(Although it really does not make a difference with respect to caring

for your child. Hopefully further studies can reduce the frequency of

the disorder and so understanding why it occurs is important).

Thank you,

[Guest guest]

Speaking of genetics, did anyone see the article this past week on an OCD gene they identified in dogs? I thought that was a cool thing and potential hope for many kids with AS/HFA who have this kind of problem. <http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,583639,00.html>

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

Re: ( ) Any Single Parent of Asperger's?

OH MY GOD that comment is SOOOOOOOOOO my ex husband! It's all my fault,

blah blah blah. He'll only admit our son has issues when he talks to a

dr./therapist etc. He refuses to admit it to me.

Tracey

In a message dated 1/24/2010 9:58:17 A.M. Central Standard Time (Mex,

moonfly_jenn writes:

His dad, my ex, has not been determined to have the same and doesn't see

our son as having problems since "he's just like me".

------------------------------------------------------------

Hotmail: Trusted email with Microsoft’s powerful SPAM protection. Sign up now.

[Guest guest]

Wow, a baby! Congrats, Lorraine!! When is he/she going to arrive?

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

Re: ( ) Any Single Parent of Asperger's?

OH MY GOD that comment is SOOOOOOOOOO my ex husband! It's all my fault,

blah blah blah. He'll only admit our son has issues when he talks to a

dr./therapist etc. He refuses to admit it to me.

Tracey

In a message dated 1/24/2010 9:58:17 A.M. Central Standard Time (Mex,

moonfly_jenn writes:

His dad, my ex, has not been determined to have the same and doesn't see

our son as having problems since "he's just like me".

Hotmail: Trusted email with Microsoft’s powerful SPAM protection. Sign up now.

[Guest guest]

While it is of course possible, I have 2 nephews (my sister's boys) that are

Aspie's as well. Not that it matters who it " came from " (i don't like that

statement either, so I apologize for lack of better words) but that's my 2

cents.

>

> I doubt that is a provable fact.

>

> Roxanna

>

> " The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do

> nothing. " E. Burke

>

> Re: ( ) Any Single Parent of Asperger's?

>

>

>

>

>

> > that asperger's is a male dominate trait and is sex linked meaning

> >follows the male blood line

>

> Can you please cite your scientific source for this.

>

> (Although it really does not make a difference with respect to caring

> for your child. Hopefully further studies can reduce the frequency of

> the disorder and so understanding why it occurs is important).

>

> Thank you,

>

[Guest guest]

Can you give an example of "AS traits" that are "learned" from an AS parent?

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

( ) Re: Any Single Parent of Asperger's?

I just wanted to comment

how many people have noted that “dad’s side†of the family

had the AS traits, but I also want to mention that I discussed inheritance of

this disorder with a research psychologist on Friday since I was unable to find

anything on the Internet.

My concern was for my other

“non ASD†older son who is hesitant about fathering another ASPIE.

He saw that it can be transmitted through a non-ASD person; his aunt whose 10

yr old has AS.

I was told by the

researcher that there still hasn’t been any conclusive evidence of

inheritance for any of the ASD diagnoses. I would truly appreciate a link to

the information regarding the “male dominant trait/sex linkâ€.

I also met some people in a

support group who had daughters with AS, but inherited from dad.

In addition, I have a

therapist who treats many people who are children of AS parents. She has seen

many people have the AS characteristics that were not inherited, but learned by

living with their AS parent.

Just food for thought………

Belita

[Guest guest]

This is such a pet peeve of mine to have people say these things. It really dilutes the "disability" of AS. And I realize there is a group of people out there who cheer about having "AS" and think it's a good thing and then like to insist that autism is wonderful to have and we shouldn't be trying to "fix" it/them. I'm sure people with more severe autism who can't even discuss this subject would appreciate the life sentence. (total sarcasm...)

But even more, saying all men have AS is ridiculous. And saying things like that does nothing to help our kids, who actually have real problems. I think it minimizes the real problems that these kids have and need help with to have people watering it down to some glib "all men have AS" or similar messages that get put out there. Try advocating for help with social skills when the people at your team meeting will be saying, "Hey, all men are that way...he'll be fine." or "My dh is the same way and he has a great job, family and is doing great, you don't need intervention for that...." The disability just went from a severe problem that needs remediation or accommodation to a little glitch, even cute, that all men have.

And to even go further, it's not at all what men are like. How could we dx this as a disability if it is so foggy a line between "male behavior" and "AS." What would be the point? I don't know about other people, but my two ds's have autism and there was not any time in their development that I was thinking it was cute to have it , confused that they were just being males, thought it was a blessing or even thought the world was better for them having it. It was really awful, it prevented them from fully participating in life and learning and it didn't go away or turn into a cute male trait along the way. Every single day we struggle with this.

I think this came off of someone saying that the "AS gene" comes from men only. And that is not true at all. scientists do not even have an "AS gene" to begin with. But there are plenty of people out there who can see a line of autistic traits coming through a female relative (my house included.)

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

Re: ( ) Re: Any Single Parent of Asperger's?

Date: Tuesday, January 26, 2010, 4:46 PM

I am unsure which side it does come from but to be honest the amount of children that I have met with AS who have received this from their dad compared to their mom is somewhat overwhelming. I know that my own son is a direct reflection of his biological father (whom I divorced when DJ was 1) and also his brother has the same the (I still talk to his mom). It does seem odd and I am not saying that males are the reason at all.. who knows what it is really. My husband hasnt been diagnosed with anything but could be diagnosed with something I am sure! As for kids who are AS having kids... my own son is hesitant and says he will probably not have children because he doesnt want them to go through what he has had to go through.. he says there are plenty of children who need good homes out there so he will adopt if it comes down to it.

( ) Re: Any Single Parent of Asperger's?

I just wanted to comment how many people have noted that “dad’s side†of the family had the AS traits, but I also want to mention that I discussed inheritance of this disorder with a research psychologist on Friday since I was unable to find anything on the Internet.

My concern was for my other “non ASD†older son who is hesitant about fathering another ASPIE. He saw that it can be transmitted through a non-ASD person; his aunt whose 10 yr old has AS.

I was told by the researcher that there still hasn’t been any conclusive evidence of inheritance for any of the ASD diagnoses. I would truly appreciate a link to the information regarding the “male dominant trait/sex linkâ€.

I also met some people in a support group who had daughters with AS, but inherited from dad.

In addition, I have a therapist who treats many people who are children of AS parents. She has seen many people have the AS characteristics that were not inherited, but learned by living with their AS parent.

Just food for thought………

Belita

[Guest guest]

All or some of the same

traits you see in a person who has inherited AS can be seen in a person

who has acquired it by being exposed to a parent or multiple family

members who have AS as they are growing up.

Ex. lack of empathy, rigid

or concrete thinking.

The list is endless as you

all know.

That’s why many

non-AS parents claim that their Aspie is just like their ASpie parent!

The only difference is that

the acquired traits can be eliminated with good therapy and social skills

training; better prognosis!

Belita

[Guest guest]

I was very upset with my

former father-in-law who jokingly said aloud at Thanksgiving dinner

“Hey, we all have a

little Asperger’s! What’s the big deal?”

I received that information

by accident from my ex when he tried to minimize my son’s diagnosis.

Belita

[Guest guest]

Lately, I’ve become

very discouraged and anxious with what the future will hold for my son. I

truly believe in the Serenity Prayer and hope that I will have “the

wisdom” to know the difference in accepting my son for what he can never

be and encouraging him to be what he can.

Belita

[Guest guest]

Me...female...comes from my side. Pam

In a message dated 2/5/2010 8:50:47 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, MadIdeas@... writes:

It is something that affects more males than females but not exclusively male. Plus, it doesn't just follow through the male side. The autism comes through my side of the family (and I am definitely a female.) I am sure as many out there could say the same about their family.Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke Re: ( ) Any Single Parent of Asperger's? > that asperger's is a male dominate trait and is sex linked meaning >follows the male blood lineCan you please cite your scientific source for this.(Although it really does not make a difference with respect to caring for your child. Hopefully further studies can reduce the frequency of the disorder and so understanding why it occurs is important).Thank you,

[Guest guest]

I just don't buy into any of this. You can't acquire AS by being exposed to it. You may pick up a few quirks because that is the way your family does something, but it's not something you can't and don't change when you get to a social situation requiring something else.

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

( ) Re: Any Single Parent of Asperger's?

All or some of the same

traits you see in a person who has inherited AS can be seen in a person

who has acquired it by being exposed to a parent or multiple family

members who have AS as they are growing up.

Ex. lack of empathy, rigid

or concrete thinking.

The list is endless as you

all know.

That’s why many

non-AS parents claim that their Aspie is just like their ASpie parent!

The only difference is that

the acquired traits can be eliminated with good therapy and social skills

training; better prognosis!

Belita

[Guest guest]

Must say ...i agree with Roxanna ...you can't acquire it...you are born with it...the brain is "wired" this way...

jan

From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...> Sent: Sat, February 27, 2010 7:38:31 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Re: Any Single Parent of Asperger's?

I just don't buy into any of this. You can't acquire AS by being exposed to it. You may pick up a few quirks because that is the way your family does something, but it's not something you can't and don't change when you get to a social situation requiring something else.

Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

( ) Re: Any Single Parent of Asperger's?

All or some of the same traits you see in a person who has inherited AS can be seen in a person who has acquired it by being exposed to a parent or multiple family members who have AS as they are growing up.

Ex. lack of empathy, rigid or concrete thinking.

The list is endless as you all know.

That’s why many non-AS parents claim that their Aspie is just like their ASpie parent!

The only difference is that the acquired traits can be eliminated with good therapy and social skills training; better prognosis!

Belita

[Guest guest]

I think I was

misunderstood. I want to clarify that people can and do acquire AS “traits”.

This is different from inheriting AS itself. My ex-husband is a perfect

example. He has good communication skills and very sociable, but he lacks

empathy and is extremely rigid, concrete and thinks in black and white.

The statements I made were

from my therapist who has years of experience working with adults who are children

of parents with AS. She has many patients since we live in the Silicon Valley

which has been documented to have the highest population of AS in the US!

I agree that these

non-inherited, acquired traits is “not something you

can't and don't change”. As I stated

earlier, according my therapist:

“acquired traits can be eliminated with good

therapy and social skills training; giving a better prognosis!”

Belita

[Guest guest]

I'm not sure I understand your point. Maybe if you put it, "Traits that are similar to AS" - is that what you mean? Because we all have various traits that are not specific to having AS but just make up who we are. I mean, it's a continuum and variety as to what makes each person up. What I took your post to mean is that, for example, your ex who has these "AS traits" means he learned these traits from a parent who has AS. Is that what you mean? Did he learn this from an AS parent? And so he is choosing not to change vs. having a disability where he can't change?

I don't know if that is the line of thinking you have/your therapist has. I don't get that impressed with credentials because I will think through each theory and decide what I think or how I see it. "Experts" are plentiful and each have their own solutions and opinions. I'm sure yours is talented for what you need her/him for. I'm one person who thinks we should not be so quick to dx every geeky person with AS, though. The more data, the better, in how I think through things. But this theory I have never heard of before and I see flaws when I examine it in my mind. Perhaps I just don't get what you mean? But if this is what you mean, then you are saying there is a complete sub-group out there, dx as AS who are only AS because their parents (who have AS) have raised them to be this way? Please explain if I'm on the right track or have it wrong, and if so, where.

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

( ) Re: Any Single Parent of Asperger's?

I think I was

misunderstood. I want to clarify that people can and do acquire AS “traitsâ€.

This is different from inheriting AS itself. My ex-husband is a perfect

example. He has good communication skills and very sociable, but he lacks

empathy and is extremely rigid, concrete and thinks in black and white.

The statements I made were

from my therapist who has years of experience working with adults who are children

of parents with AS. She has many patients since we live in the Silicon Valley

which has been documented to have the highest population of AS in the US!

I agree that these

non-inherited, acquired traits is “not something you

can't and don't changeâ€. As I stated

earlier, according my therapist:

“acquired traits can be eliminated with good

therapy and social skills training; giving a better prognosis!â€

Belita

[Guest guest]

I guess no one understands

the difference between acquiring traits of AS and being born with AS.

It’s like children

who pick up bad habits of their parents which is different than inheriting

them.

Oh well; So much for a

genetics lesson. I’m just trying to educate people as a former

pediatrician.

Belita

[Guest guest]

I’m sorry you don’t

understand. I really can’t help you any more than I have. I’m

overwhelmed creating “A Special Needs Trust” for my AS son.

I was just trying to raise

awareness and give hope to those who live with family members or spouses who

actually were not born with AS, but have many of the same deficits due to the

environment they were raised in. Those people can be treated with 100% success

rate!

I wasn’t trying to brag

about my medical background, but I have learned from experience that people do

take me more seriously when they know this about me.

You don’t have to

believe me and I don’t have to prove anything.

It’s important in

life to “agree to disagree”.

Belita

[Guest guest]

Well, I was actually asking you if I had what you meant correct or not - trying to clarify. So back to the question - you used your ex-dh as an example of "acquired AS" and I wondered if you meant he had been raised by parents who have AS? Is that a yes or a no? I'll try hard to keep up with the discussion, I promise. Type slowly and perhaps I will manage it. <g>

PS: please clip at least a part of the post you are replying to when you reply so people know what you are replying to. That helps.

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

( ) Re: Any Single Parent of Asperger's?

I guess no one understands

the difference between acquiring traits of AS and being born with AS.

It’s like children

who pick up bad habits of their parents which is different than inheriting

them.

Oh well; So much for a

genetics lesson. I’m just trying to educate people as a former

pediatrician.

Belita