Re: What do u do when your child is refusing to go to school?

[Guest guest]

My son was approx 4-6 yr when he started doing this and 30-45 pounds. I would pick him up and carry him in after asking beggin pleading warning and counting (1-2-3)- he would rip out my hair, scratch, kick, bite, throw things, etc. He even ran off a few times, but we never gave up on getting him in there, I would not let him think that that behavior ever got him what he wanted. no matter how long the behavior ensued he always ended up inside school, sometimes it was the office and not his class until he calmed down, but I would leave - he would slowly adjust and eventually get to class. We tried keeping him afterschool the number of minutes he was late to class, rewarding him on days he was there on time, rewarding him for doing his work, etc. and we always tried to prep him the night before and the mornign for the transition, give him

warnings as to howlong before we had to leave, tried timers, etc. but in the end I think it was finding the right school that understood him and gave him enough support so that he wanted to be there. I would like to think not giving in and allowing him to think he would get away without going helped too, but in retrospect, if the school had given him accomodations sooner, ( they denied him and IEP for three years) I think we would have had this battle a lot less. That said having it so often and for so long and him being tardy so much was one of the factors they had to consider when finally conceding he needed an IEP.The thing that made the biggest difference for him was to have special ed transport added. He had been on the bus a few times previously for field trips and associated the bus with going to fun places and being a big kid so he was really invested ad motivated to behave well and making it onto the bus on time. That didn't last

forever but long enough that going to school no longer was the issue- it was the shoes, jacket, pants, taking meds or eating breakfast that he focused his upset on. to this day we struggle with gettign him out to the bus stop on time, but it is a work in progress and I am glad gone are the days of carrying him in kicking and screaming at least. good luck to you. We did do social stories as well for this but they seemed to make little difference. Now he really enjoys school most of the time. He has two good kids he plays with regularly- not a huge number of friends but at least he has a couple kids he can connect with at recess and can handle his quirks. I think those type of connections really make going to school important to him now as well- maybe even the biggest reason for him to get on the bus every day, so working hard to help them connect with some one is always going to reap big rewards.

From: <doyourecycle@...>Subject: ( ) What do u do when your child is refusing to go to school? Date: Monday, October 4, 2010, 10:35 PM

If it's happened to you, how did you handle it? What did you tell the school and how long did it last? Any input appreciated. Thank you.

[Guest guest]

My daughter off and on refused to go to school from preschool through present

(7th grade). You tell the school she has school phobia and hopefully you have a

therapist or psychiatrist that is treating your

child for this. You really need a professional to work with you on a treatment

plan. We went progressively year after year adding services to her IEP. She went

from mainstreamed to mainstreamed in room with co-teacher, to resource rooms, to

having reduced homework, to adding her to girls groups. Finally in 5th grade she

refused to go completely and was very very anxious and OCD like (fearful of so

many things). In fifth grade there are so many more demands she couldn't cope.

We took her to a psychiatrist that approved home instruction to start as we

considered with out of district schools. She was put on zoloft.

She still wouldn't go back to public school.

Our therapist advocated at the IEP meeting that all had been tried

in public school but now she needed a smaller more supportive school.

Luckily in NJ we had some choices. She moved to the school with

kids with LDs and I worked with Yale Conduct Clinic (CT) over the

phone to systematically expose her to school again. We struggled

in 6th grade with tardies and now in 7th grade she is doing better and knows the

teachers well and they are very supportive. She is also receiving therapy at

school this year to help her interact more

and not retreat.

It has been a consuming problem over the last 10 years. I can't believe how much

of the house repairs etc I have neglected.

I wish you luck and let me know if I can help.

Pam

>

> If it's happened to you, how did you handle it? What did you tell the school

and how long did it last? Any input appreciated. Thank you.

>

[Guest guest]

My daughter also started refusing school in 7th grade. This had been preceded

by a 6th grade year full of headaches and stomach aches and other signs of

stress about school. In 7th grade she started having migraines and became

extremely depressed.

We worked with a counselor, a pediatric psychiatrist for medication, a pediatric

neurologist on the migraines, AND even saw a specialist in school refusal. We

tried all of the things they recommended -- we were told that the most important

thing was to keep her going, to get her connected to school in any way we could.

We had her attend school an hour a day for a while, attending just her favorite

classes, etc, and there were days where I sat at the back of the classroom for

hours at a time, just being in the room because it was the only way she'd go.

We tried ANYTHING to keep her connected to school and have her have positive, if

limited, school experiences.

At the time, she was in a small private school. They were sympathetic and

pretty much allowed us to do what we thought we needed, but ultimately we saw

that one of the issues was that the primary teacher for my daughter's class ran

a totally disorganized classroom, there was a lot of subtle bullying and teasing

that was never addressed, and she totally did not get that my daughter needed

additional support. I began to see why my daughter felt emotionally unsafe

there -- In a class or TWELVE kids, the teacher's lack of awareness totally

floored me. Being at school so much with my daughter allowed me to see up

close what classroom life was like, and that helped me understand how and why it

was so difficult for my daughter.

Ultimately, we took her out of that school and used an online/homeschool

program. That was mainly because the migraines were so severe and we needed to

get a handle on what was medical versus stress (not that they are disconnected)

.... I still have a fair amount of ambivalence about removing her from the social

world of school, but given her level of illness and depression, we came to the

conclusion that we needed a happy healthy kid who wanted to learn and didn't

dread getting out of bed each day, rather than a depressed, suicidal kid who

hated facing each morning and found nothing good about her life as it was.

I wish our school options in our community were different, but for now

homeschooling is proving to be a better alternative for us. Our daughter is

much, much happier, and to our relief is happy to have social activities with

friends. In a way, getting her out of the school setting but keeping her

connected to friends (and there is one teacher we love who has continued as a

tutor) has been much better of a fit for her.

Good luck with your child. I would try to spend time at school observing, even

being in the classroom with him/her so you can get a sense of what is happening

that is causing your child's strong avoidance. Maybe there are problems that

would make you realize that you don't want your child in that setting. It may

be that your being on site to watch and listen will let your child know that you

are taking his/her concerns very seriously, and that will help him feel

supported and listened to, as well, which is hugely important. For our

daughter, our continuing to send her off to school when she was so miserable

there made her feel hopeless, especially when she couldn't articulate how

overwhelmed and unsafe she felt there, and we just kept saying " it'll get

better " and we kept sending her back. It wasn't until things got so bad that I

was there so much with her that I saw a) how strange the classroom dynamic

really was for her, and how truly hopeless and miserable she was at having to

go AND having US not help her.

Also, you might start researching into alternative educational programs in your

district. You may reach the conclusion that your child, for whatever reason,

doesn't do well in the traditional 8-3 school environment. Lots of schools

offer independent study options, and districts have school-at-home options too.

I was able to find an educational consultant in my community, a psychologist who

specializes in helping families with special needs as they navigate school

worlds -- and she was a huge help in learning what options were available for a

kid who needed a slightly different path. Maybe someone like that can help you.

diane

> >

> > If it's happened to you, how did you handle it? What did you tell the

school and how long did it last? Any input appreciated. Thank you.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Depends on whether it is school phobia or 'I would rather stay home and play than go do school work'.  My son has had both at different times.  We worked on what areas were causing him the anxiety or phobia at school.  We also made home boring and full of chores during school hours.  (He also hates fishing so when he would announce that he was going to stay home and play, I announced that today was my fishing day and he would have to come with me if he didn't go to school.  He would always rather be at school than fishing.)  :-)

Kathy J.On Tue, Oct 5, 2010 at 9:17 AM, Pamela <susanonderko@...> wrote:

 

My daughter off and on refused to go to school from preschool through present (7th grade). You tell the school she has school phobia and hopefully you have a therapist or psychiatrist that is treating your

child for this. You really need a professional to work with you on a treatment plan. We went progressively year after year adding services to her IEP. She went from mainstreamed to mainstreamed in room with co-teacher, to resource rooms, to having reduced homework, to adding her to girls groups. Finally in 5th grade she refused to go completely and was very very anxious and OCD like (fearful of so many things). In fifth grade there are so many more demands she couldn't cope. We took her to a psychiatrist that approved home instruction to start as we considered with out of district schools. She was put on zoloft.

She still wouldn't go back to public school.

Our therapist advocated at the IEP meeting that all had been tried

in public school but now she needed a smaller more supportive school.

Luckily in NJ we had some choices. She moved to the school with

kids with LDs and I worked with Yale Conduct Clinic (CT) over the

phone to systematically expose her to school again. We struggled

in 6th grade with tardies and now in 7th grade she is doing better and knows the teachers well and they are very supportive. She is also receiving therapy at school this year to help her interact more

and not retreat.

It has been a consuming problem over the last 10 years. I can't believe how much of the house repairs etc I have neglected.

I wish you luck and let me know if I can help.

Pam

>

> If it's happened to you, how did you handle it? What did you tell the school and how long did it last? Any input appreciated. Thank you.

>

[Guest guest]

My son's teachers are inadequately prepared to help my son. Just yesterday he had a slew of events that through him off and he didn't want to go to school today. I understood it totally and I get how he feels how can they make me go back to the place where all that stuff happens. Yesterday he had a sub--and suprize, no one told him, he found out as some kid looked in the window and said that's the mean lady I had sub last year in my class. Someone sat in my son's assigned lunchroom assigned seat (they can't teach him the social skills to navigate the lunchroom, they choose to assign him a seat instead) and when someone sat in his seat he didn't know what to do when the kid wouldn't move when he asked them to, he went to hunt for his teacher to get her to get the kid to move. There was another longer incident that I don't have the time to go into, but I think you get the point of his day yesterday.

Today, when I left my son at school--I walk my kids inside--we checked to make sure his teacher wasn't out again, but then my son was having anxiety and wouldn't go to his classroom. I left after 20 minutes. I went back to school after lunch to see that my son would sit at the table. He didn't. I talked to the counselor and she said he sat on the floor for almost 3 hours after I left in the exact spot of when I left. He apparently only went to his classroom at 1:30--so for only 2 hours was he in his classroom today. The counselor told me that my son doesn't respect his teachers that he picks up a book to read while they're lecturing. She said my son throws a wrench in his day with this behavior and that he's very controlling with this type of behavior. I told her that's a superficial look at the behaviors and asked her if she had any training in autism. She said oh yes, the county has some of the best training out there--bullcrap to that!@ So, I see what I'm dealing with. I hate this and am strategizing on what to do at this point. I have such a frickin headache.

[Guest guest]

we requested an FBA first. They did one and it was just awful. I was planning to request a real one done by a professional but before I could, things just deteriorated so fast for my ds. So we had a meeting with the director of sped to tell her our ds was refusing, the FBA was worthless and we wanted to change his placement to homebound/tutoring. she did say she couldn't do it without a doctor's note, or something like that. i just said it was an IEP team decision and i should think that was sufficient. she didn't argue with that and arranged for him to be tutored.

Ultimately, i think a good FBA should have prevented our ds from having to be tutored. so I would start there. how long did it last as in how long did he get tutored? If that is the question, my ds was tutored 3/4 of the school year, then the entire next year. The next year, he was ready to go back to a different school for a specific program and he did really well.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) What do u do when your child is refusing to go to school?

If it's happened to you, how did you handle it? What did you tell the school and how long did it last? Any input appreciated. Thank you.

[Guest guest]

It is so hard dealing with school districts. You can ask for a

behavior intervention plan by a certified behaviorist. Most school districts

share one among the schools. You can request this in writing

through the IEP team. You can ask for him to be put into resource room settings.

Usually there are only 6-8 kids in such rooms.

Look into if your state has any special needs private schools that

are state approved for out of district placements. I know it is not

easy. Our daughter is in a special needs school and they really understand her

anxiety and Asperger issues. I hope you can find

some help in the system.

We struggled too with such stress for so many years.

Pam

>

> My son's teachers are inadequately prepared to help my son. Just yesterday

> he had a slew of events that through him off and he didn't want to go to

> school today. I understood it totally and I get how he feels how can they

> make me go back to the place where all that stuff happens. Yesterday he had

> a sub--and suprize, no one told him, he found out as some kid looked in the

> window and said that's the mean lady I had sub last year in my class.

> Someone sat in my son's assigned lunchroom assigned seat (they can't teach

> him the social skills to navigate the lunchroom, they choose to assign him a

> seat instead) and when someone sat in his seat he didn't know what to do

> when the kid wouldn't move when he asked them to, he went to hunt for his

> teacher to get her to get the kid to move. There was another longer incident

> that I don't have the time to go into, but I think you get the point of his

> day yesterday.

>

> Today, when I left my son at school--I walk my kids inside--we checked to

> make sure his teacher wasn't out again, but then my son was having anxiety

> and wouldn't go to his classroom. I left after 20 minutes. I went back to

> school after lunch to see that my son would sit at the table. He didn't. I

> talked to the counselor and she said he sat on the floor for almost 3 hours

> after I left in the exact spot of when I left. He apparently only went to

> his classroom at 1:30--so for only 2 hours was he in his classroom today.

> The counselor told me that my son doesn't respect his teachers that he picks

> up a book to read while they're lecturing. She said my son throws a wrench

> in his day with this behavior and that he's very controlling with this type

> of behavior. I told her that's a superficial look at the behaviors and asked

> her if she had any training in autism. She said oh yes, the county has some

> of the best training out there--bullcrap to that!@ So, I see what I'm

> dealing with. I hate this and am strategizing on what to do at this point. I

> have such a frickin headache.

>

[Guest guest]

I did fight the fight for a FBA which is happening now and yet I just found out that one observation was only 20 minutes--what the hell do you do with a little chunk of time like that?  I can already read the writing on the wall that the FBA will be crap with an observation here and there and no one but me documented what my son told me about his day. lets see if " the IEP team " takes my observations into consideration. I'm getting so fed up, I just don't know what emotion is after feeling this way.

On Tue, Oct 5, 2010 at 8:58 PM, Roxanna <MadIdeas@...> wrote:

 

we requested an FBA first.  They did one and it was just awful.  I was planning to request a real one done by a professional but before I could, things just deteriorated so fast for my ds.  So we had a meeting with the director of sped to tell her our ds was refusing, the FBA was worthless and we wanted to change his placement to homebound/tutoring.  she did say she couldn't do it without a doctor's note, or something like that.  i just said it was an IEP team decision and i should think that was sufficient.  she didn't argue with that and arranged for him to be tutored. 

Ultimately, i think a good FBA should have prevented our ds from having to be tutored.  so I would start there.  how long did it last as in how long did he get tutored?  If that is the question, my ds was tutored 3/4 of the school year, then the entire next year.  The next year, he was ready to go back to a different school for a specific program and he did really well. 

Roxanna

" I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them. " - Jefferson

( ) What do u do when your child is refusing to go to school?

 

If it's happened to you, how did you handle it? What did you tell the school and how long did it last? Any input appreciated. Thank you.

[Guest guest]

The autism " expert " has bcba training but not the certificate as she told me she couldn't afford the supervision part of the program. HUH? The FBA form she provide me was terrible and not written well. I lost confidence in this FBA when I saw the low quality of work put into the data form and information they used. I did re-write it and sent them my copy, but I've yet to get a response.  I have the FBA in the works and the school is handling it poorly. This school has no resource room. I would have to go to a due process meeting to get a different placement. That's the way it works in Virginia.

On Tue, Oct 5, 2010 at 9:01 PM, Pamela <susanonderko@...> wrote:

 

It is so hard dealing with school districts. You can ask for a

behavior intervention plan by a certified behaviorist. Most school districts share one among the schools. You can request this in writing

through the IEP team. You can ask for him to be put into resource room settings. Usually there are only 6-8 kids in such rooms.

Look into if your state has any special needs private schools that

are state approved for out of district placements. I know it is not

easy. Our daughter is in a special needs school and they really understand her anxiety and Asperger issues. I hope you can find

some help in the system.

We struggled too with such stress for so many years.

Pam

>

> My son's teachers are inadequately prepared to help my son. Just yesterday

> he had a slew of events that through him off and he didn't want to go to

> school today. I understood it totally and I get how he feels how can they

> make me go back to the place where all that stuff happens. Yesterday he had

> a sub--and suprize, no one told him, he found out as some kid looked in the

> window and said that's the mean lady I had sub last year in my class.

> Someone sat in my son's assigned lunchroom assigned seat (they can't teach

> him the social skills to navigate the lunchroom, they choose to assign him a

> seat instead) and when someone sat in his seat he didn't know what to do

> when the kid wouldn't move when he asked them to, he went to hunt for his

> teacher to get her to get the kid to move. There was another longer incident

> that I don't have the time to go into, but I think you get the point of his

> day yesterday.

>

> Today, when I left my son at school--I walk my kids inside--we checked to

> make sure his teacher wasn't out again, but then my son was having anxiety

> and wouldn't go to his classroom. I left after 20 minutes. I went back to

> school after lunch to see that my son would sit at the table. He didn't. I

> talked to the counselor and she said he sat on the floor for almost 3 hours

> after I left in the exact spot of when I left. He apparently only went to

> his classroom at 1:30--so for only 2 hours was he in his classroom today.

> The counselor told me that my son doesn't respect his teachers that he picks

> up a book to read while they're lecturing. She said my son throws a wrench

> in his day with this behavior and that he's very controlling with this type

> of behavior. I told her that's a superficial look at the behaviors and asked

> her if she had any training in autism. She said oh yes, the county has some

> of the best training out there--bullcrap to that!@ So, I see what I'm

> dealing with. I hate this and am strategizing on what to do at this point. I

> have such a frickin headache.

>

[Guest guest]

I would ask for new teacher/ class or to have her trained in Aspergers - it is a battle but he in entitled to that through IDEA, by highly qualified instruction. Does he have an IEP yet?

From: <doyourecycle@...>Subject: ( ) Re: What do u do when your child is refusing to go to school? Date: Tuesday, October 5, 2010, 3:59 PM

My son's teachers are inadequately prepared to help my son. Just yesterday he had a slew of events that through him off and he didn't want to go to school today. I understood it totally and I get how he feels how can they make me go back to the place where all that stuff happens. Yesterday he had a sub--and suprize, no one told him, he found out as some kid looked in the window and said that's the mean lady I had sub last year in my class. Someone sat in my son's assigned lunchroom assigned seat (they can't teach him the social skills to navigate the lunchroom, they choose to assign him a seat instead) and when someone sat in his seat he didn't know what to do when the kid wouldn't move when he asked them to, he went to hunt for his teacher to get her to get the kid to move. There was another longer incident that I don't have the time to go into, but I think you get

the point of his day yesterday.

Today, when I left my son at school--I walk my kids inside--we checked to make sure his teacher wasn't out again, but then my son was having anxiety and wouldn't go to his classroom. I left after 20 minutes. I went back to school after lunch to see that my son would sit at the table. He didn't. I talked to the counselor and she said he sat on the floor for almost 3 hours after I left in the exact spot of when I left. He apparently only went to his classroom at 1:30--so for only 2 hours was he in his classroom today. The counselor told me that my son doesn't respect his teachers that he picks up a book to read while they're lecturing. She said my son throws a wrench in his day with this behavior and that he's very controlling with this type of behavior. I told her that's a superficial look at the behaviors and asked her if she had any training in

autism. She said oh yes, the county has some of the best training out there--bullcrap to that!@ So, I see what I'm dealing with. I hate this and am strategizing on what to do at this point. I have such a frickin headache.

[Guest guest]

Hi! My dd seems to have issues with going to school due to anxiety...kids aren't

always very nice to her, she's having problems with her school work and is

self-conscious about everything she does--from school work to social skills to

what she wears to fit in with the others. She wants to be popular. We have

arrived at school late at times. Try talking to her teacher/principal and check

into helpful services they might have. If the teachers and other adults are

supportive/friendly, it can help make school a little better due to the adults'

kindnesses shown, too.

I guess the main issue is to try to find out from your child what he/she likes

and what he/she wishes were different at her school. Maybe you and the staff can

go from there to try and make some of those wishes come true. Take care. -Kari

>

> If it's happened to you, how did you handle it? What did you tell the school

and how long did it last? Any input appreciated. Thank you.

>

[Guest guest]

If it were only this simple to ask for this....On Tue, Oct 5, 2010 at 10:01 PM, Jadczak <bjadczak@...> wrote:

 

I would ask for  new teacher/ class or to have her trained in Aspergers - it is a battle but he in entitled to that through IDEA, by highly qualified instruction. Does he have an IEP yet?

From: <doyourecycle@...>Subject: ( ) Re: What do u do when your child is refusing to go to school?

Date: Tuesday, October 5, 2010, 3:59 PM

 

My son's teachers are inadequately prepared to help my son. Just yesterday he had a slew of events that through him off and he didn't want to go to school today. I understood it totally and I get how he feels how can they make me go back to the place where all that stuff happens. Yesterday he had a sub--and suprize, no one told him, he found out as some kid looked in the window and said that's the mean lady I had sub last year in my class. Someone sat in my son's assigned lunchroom assigned seat (they can't teach him the social skills to navigate the lunchroom, they choose to assign him a seat instead) and when someone sat in his seat he didn't know what to do when the kid wouldn't move when he asked them to, he went to hunt for his teacher to get her to get the kid to move. There was another longer incident that I don't have the time to go into, but I think you get

the point of his day yesterday.

Today, when I left my son at school--I walk my kids inside--we checked to make sure his teacher wasn't out again, but then my son was having anxiety and wouldn't go to his classroom. I left after 20 minutes. I went back to school after lunch to see that my son would sit at the table. He didn't. I talked to the counselor and she said he sat on the floor for almost 3 hours after I left in the exact spot of when I left. He apparently only went to his classroom at 1:30--so for only 2 hours was he in his classroom today. The counselor told me that my son doesn't respect his teachers that he picks up a book to read while they're lecturing. She said my son throws a wrench in his day with this behavior and that he's very controlling with this type of behavior. I told her that's a superficial look at the behaviors and asked her if she had any training in

autism. She said oh yes, the county has some of the best training out there--bullcrap to that!@ So, I see what I'm dealing with. I hate this and am strategizing on what to do at this point. I have such a frickin headache.

[Guest guest]

When my girl refused to go to school took me five years to realized that the reason was: The other children for five years were calling her names and bullying her....

How did I figure it out? I read all the school papers that I kept for five years and also she started telling me little clues at the end of the elemenetary school, she did not know she was being bullying and she did not understand her feelings, she just knew she hated school...

She is ok now...

( ) What do u do when your child is refusing to go> to school?>>> If it's happened to you, how did you handle it? What did you tell the> school and how long did it last? Any input appreciated. Thank you.>> >

[Guest guest]

I read a very honest story yesterday about a man that went through childhood

bullying. Every parent should read it and pass it on.

http://www.danoah.com/2010/10/memoirs-of-bullied-kid.html

You might need to cut and paste to get it to work.

>

> >

> >

> >  we requested an FBA first.  They did one and it was just awful.  I was

> > planning to request a real one done by a professional but before I could,

> > things just deteriorated so fast for my ds.  So we had a meeting with the

> > director of sped to tell her our ds was refusing, the FBA was worthless and

> > we wanted to change his placement to homebound/tutoring.  she did say she

> > couldn't do it without a doctor's note, or something like that.  i just

said

> > it was an IEP team decision and i should think that was sufficient.  she

> > didn't argue with that and arranged for him to be tutored.

> >

> > Ultimately, i think a good FBA should have prevented our ds from having to

> > be tutored.  so I would start there.  how long did it last as in how long

> > did he get tutored?  If that is the question, my ds was tutored 3/4 of the

> > school year, then the entire next year.  The next year, he was ready to go

> > back to a different school for a specific program and he did really well.

> >

> >  Roxanna

> > * " I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the

> > government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of

> > taking care of them. " - Jefferson*

> >

> >

> >   ( ) What do u do when your child is refusing to go

> > to school?

> >

> >

> >   If it's happened to you, how did you handle it? What did you tell the

> > school and how long did it last? Any input appreciated. Thank you.

> >

> >    

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I know how hard it is. We had to build a case (a legal case essentially). It

really is so helpful to have a therapist or

psychiatrist helping you advocate. By the time my daughter was

in 3rd grade we had had many different therapist until I found one that was a

very good advocate. Our lawyer was the one that directed me to a therapist that

they new was willing to take on the schools.

I don't know how we would have made any progress without our

" experts " providing there input.

Pam

> > >

> > > My son's teachers are inadequately prepared to help my son. Just

> > yesterday

> > > he had a slew of events that through him off and he didn't want to go to

> > > school today. I understood it totally and I get how he feels how can they

> > > make me go back to the place where all that stuff happens. Yesterday he

> > had

> > > a sub--and suprize, no one told him, he found out as some kid looked in

> > the

> > > window and said that's the mean lady I had sub last year in my class.

> > > Someone sat in my son's assigned lunchroom assigned seat (they can't

> > teach

> > > him the social skills to navigate the lunchroom, they choose to assign

> > him a

> > > seat instead) and when someone sat in his seat he didn't know what to do

> > > when the kid wouldn't move when he asked them to, he went to hunt for his

> > > teacher to get her to get the kid to move. There was another longer

> > incident

> > > that I don't have the time to go into, but I think you get the point of

> > his

> > > day yesterday.

> > >

> > > Today, when I left my son at school--I walk my kids inside--we checked to

> > > make sure his teacher wasn't out again, but then my son was having

> > anxiety

> > > and wouldn't go to his classroom. I left after 20 minutes. I went back to

> > > school after lunch to see that my son would sit at the table. He didn't.

> > I

> > > talked to the counselor and she said he sat on the floor for almost 3

> > hours

> > > after I left in the exact spot of when I left. He apparently only went to

> > > his classroom at 1:30--so for only 2 hours was he in his classroom today.

> > > The counselor told me that my son doesn't respect his teachers that he

> > picks

> > > up a book to read while they're lecturing. She said my son throws a

> > wrench

> > > in his day with this behavior and that he's very controlling with this

> > type

> > > of behavior. I told her that's a superficial look at the behaviors and

> > asked

> > > her if she had any training in autism. She said oh yes, the county has

> > some

> > > of the best training out there--bullcrap to that!@ So, I see what I'm

> > > dealing with. I hate this and am strategizing on what to do at this

> > point. I

> > > have such a frickin headache.

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

After a few years of agonizing over his pleads not to go to school, and finally

after the 7th grade when it had started having an effect on his health, we

pulled our son out and chose to home school. He's so much happier now,

completely off all meds, and doing quite well. I know that this isn't the answer

for everyone in their particular home lives, but it really worked for us, and I

do truly recommend it. The anxiety and stress related to socialization of aspie

kids is enormous. Now we have control over the friends we hang out with and he

doesn't have to be constantly bullied and such while he's trying to learn. Best

of luck to you.

Dawn Marie

>

> If it's happened to you, how did you handle it? What did you tell the school

and how long did it last? Any input appreciated. Thank you.

>

[Guest guest]

,

Thank you so much for sharing this article/blog. Such an honest and eye opening

story. I have to admit I am guilty of being angry at the kids that bully my

daughter and never thought about how much more impact I could have if I love

them and pray for them. I am going to print it and send it to the

administrator's at her school.

> >

> > >

> > >

> > >  we requested an FBA first.  They did one and it was just awful.  I was

> > > planning to request a real one done by a professional but before I could,

> > > things just deteriorated so fast for my ds.  So we had a meeting with the

> > > director of sped to tell her our ds was refusing, the FBA was worthless

and

> > > we wanted to change his placement to homebound/tutoring.  she did say she

> > > couldn't do it without a doctor's note, or something like that.  i just

said

> > > it was an IEP team decision and i should think that was sufficient.  she

> > > didn't argue with that and arranged for him to be tutored.

> > >

> > > Ultimately, i think a good FBA should have prevented our ds from having to

> > > be tutored.  so I would start there.  how long did it last as in how

long

> > > did he get tutored?  If that is the question, my ds was tutored 3/4 of

the

> > > school year, then the entire next year.  The next year, he was ready to

go

> > > back to a different school for a specific program and he did really well.

> > >

> > >  Roxanna

> > > * " I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the

> > > government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of

> > > taking care of them. " - Jefferson*

> > >

> > >

> > >   ( ) What do u do when your child is refusing to go

> > > to school?

> > >

> > >

> > >   If it's happened to you, how did you handle it? What did you tell the

> > > school and how long did it last? Any input appreciated. Thank you.

> > >

> > >    

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Wow, it is so hard to deal with this stuff. Just the fact that the person in charge has this idea he is throwing a wrench in his day - in effect, causing his own problem....grrr. I get so tired of that. I have had that same argument before and all I can say is to RUN from this person with your child. They will just keep on keeping on. They have no clue what they don't know.

Some ideas: I would request an FBA (as I said before) and even if they write one up that says it's his own fault, it is still useful data to you to show just how unaccommodating and ignorant they really are. Sometimes getting their own opinions in writing would set the stage for getting what we needed to get. So don't discount a good failed FBA helping.

I have been in your shoes, I know how frustrating it is. We had the school's "autism consultant" do the FBA for my ds and she was really no more than a teacher who was given a title. She worked with sped kids and had a heart for autism issues, but she didn't have any practical behavioral training or knowledge. The FBA was a disaster. But it was great data to show that she knew so little. (Naturally, she didn't even observe him in class and determined that the problem was a home problem in advance and I should buy him an alarm clock, lol. We were so far past that piece of advice, it's funny now. At the time, not so much.)

But anyway, get the FBA and as I said, even if it's awful, you can then ask for an IEE. You can then point out all the problems with the FBA they did and express why it's not appropriate. I would write follow up letters to this person and about this person whenever you have these events. Any comments that get said, you can write them in a follow up and explain how this is inappropriate attitude towards someone with a disability (i.e. blaming the person for having a disability and making their coping mechanisms into the problem instead of realizing that they are coping skills.)

I would also be keeping data and sending follow up's on how much time he is spending out of class. This is also covered by IDEA and can additionally show how they are not meeting his unique needs. They need to bring in a specialist and attend to the problem instead of leaving him on the floor for hours at a time and then blaming him for it. Even if you do not know of any outside placements, keep this data and do the follow up's on all of it because it might come in handy down the road. You know that, I know. But it needs repeating because it is so vital when situations start to deteriorate.

When ours went down hill, it went so fast. I thought I had time to get a real FBA done and get it turned around. I think it went so fast for us because he had been in such bad situations since the beginning of school. It just had an accumulating effect on him. These people will look and think, "He had a good day" or "He didn't have that much to deal with today" and they would totally ignore the years of educational neglect that came before this day. They don't see the kinds of problems these kids have socially that are taxing them. Any way, when we went to the head of sped, we made our request and she balked but only briefly. That is because they know I save every piece of data. It helps when they weight how much to delay and argue.

As for the county having the best training out there, that doesn't really tell you if she has gone to these trainings and further, what she is learning during them. Trainings can be titled and held and do nothing to actually teach. Sometimes they just want to collect their continuing ed points too. I would have to ask more questions if she had told me that. Like, "Really, how interesting. What kinds of trainings have you attended? What did they teach? Can parents go too?" The "autism consultant" here gave trainings to the other teachers. That doesn't mean they are good trainings or even done by people who know what they are talking about. Sometimes they give training but only geared towards severely affected children and not discuss how autism will affect kids who are higher functioning. So having a lot of great autism training may do nothing towards understanding your particular child. You should find out what training is being done, by whom and even ask to see the handouts or materials presented if you can't go yourself. You will at least find out if it's BS or real. And also, find out who is giving all these great trainings could lead you to an important contact as well. The staff may not be absorbing the information and the person giving the trainings might be interested in helping you.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) Re: What do u do when your child is refusing to go to school?

My son's teachers are inadequately prepared to help my son. Just yesterday he had a slew of events that through him off and he didn't want to go to school today. I understood it totally and I get how he feels how can they make me go back to the place where all that stuff happens. Yesterday he had a sub--and suprize, no one told him, he found out as some kid looked in the window and said that's the mean lady I had sub last year in my class. Someone sat in my son's assigned lunchroom assigned seat (they can't teach him the social skills to navigate the lunchroom, they choose to assign him a seat instead) and when someone sat in his seat he didn't know what to do when the kid wouldn't move when he asked them to, he went to hunt for his teacher to get her to get the kid to move. There was another longer incident that I don't have the time to go into, but I think you get the point of his day yesterday.

Today, when I left my son at school--I walk my kids inside--we checked to make sure his teacher wasn't out again, but then my son was having anxiety and wouldn't go to his classroom. I left after 20 minutes. I went back to school after lunch to see that my son would sit at the table. He didn't. I talked to the counselor and she said he sat on the floor for almost 3 hours after I left in the exact spot of when I left. He apparently only went to his classroom at 1:30--so for only 2 hours was he in his classroom today. The counselor told me that my son doesn't respect his teachers that he picks up a book to read while they're lecturing. She said my son throws a wrench in his day with this behavior and that he's very controlling with this type of behavior. I told her that's a superficial look at the behaviors and asked her if she had any training in autism. She said oh yes, the county has some of the best training out there--bullcrap to that!@ So, I see what I'm dealing with. I hate this and am strategizing on what to do at this point. I have such a frickin headache.

[Guest guest]

I don't know how they could require you to go to due process to change the placement of a sped student. The placement decision is supposed to be a team decision, not a state argued decision. Do you mean you have to go to due process to get an outside placement?

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

Re: ( ) Re: What do u do when your child is refusing to go to school?

The autism "expert" has bcba training but not the certificate as she told me she couldn't afford the supervision part of the program. HUH? The FBA form she provide me was terrible and not written well. I lost confidence in this FBA when I saw the low quality of work put into the data form and information they used. I did re-write it and sent them my copy, but I've yet to get a response. I have the FBA in the works and the school is handling it poorly. This school has no resource room. I would have to go to a due process meeting to get a different placement. That's the way it works in Virginia.

On Tue, Oct 5, 2010 at 9:01 PM, Pamela <susanonderko@...> wrote:

It is so hard dealing with school districts. You can ask for a

behavior intervention plan by a certified behaviorist. Most school districts share one among the schools. You can request this in writing

through the IEP team. You can ask for him to be put into resource room settings. Usually there are only 6-8 kids in such rooms.

Look into if your state has any special needs private schools that

are state approved for out of district placements. I know it is not

easy. Our daughter is in a special needs school and they really understand her anxiety and Asperger issues. I hope you can find

some help in the system.

We struggled too with such stress for so many years.

Pam

>

> My son's teachers are inadequately prepared to help my son. Just yesterday

> he had a slew of events that through him off and he didn't want to go to

> school today. I understood it totally and I get how he feels how can they

> make me go back to the place where all that stuff happens. Yesterday he had

> a sub--and suprize, no one told him, he found out as some kid looked in the

> window and said that's the mean lady I had sub last year in my class.

> Someone sat in my son's assigned lunchroom assigned seat (they can't teach

> him the social skills to navigate the lunchroom, they choose to assign him a

> seat instead) and when someone sat in his seat he didn't know what to do

> when the kid wouldn't move when he asked them to, he went to hunt for his

> teacher to get her to get the kid to move. There was another longer incident

> that I don't have the time to go into, but I think you get the point of his

> day yesterday.

>

> Today, when I left my son at school--I walk my kids inside--we checked to

> make sure his teacher wasn't out again, but then my son was having anxiety

> and wouldn't go to his classroom. I left after 20 minutes. I went back to

> school after lunch to see that my son would sit at the table. He didn't. I

> talked to the counselor and she said he sat on the floor for almost 3 hours

> after I left in the exact spot of when I left. He apparently only went to

> his classroom at 1:30--so for only 2 hours was he in his classroom today.

> The counselor told me that my son doesn't respect his teachers that he picks

> up a book to read while they're lecturing. She said my son throws a wrench

> in his day with this behavior and that he's very controlling with this type

> of behavior. I told her that's a superficial look at the behaviors and asked

> her if she had any training in autism. She said oh yes, the county has some

> of the best training out there--bullcrap to that!@ So, I see what I'm

> dealing with. I hate this and am strategizing on what to do at this point. I

> have such a frickin headache.

>