RE: Looking for some advice from parents of young adults

[Guest guest]

Have you seen the movie Adam? If not, please rent it. I would say it is helpful. Also, how about a support group for young adults with Aspergers? Just a thought. I know my 8 year old AS even related to Adam. I don't have a dating or young adult yet. Our 16 year old son has other 'issues' and hasn't even asked to date, and can't (he lives in a facility at this time). So, I can't help much other than recommend support group and watching movies like Adam, which I feel would be very helpful. It was extremely eye opening to us, helped us to see life as our sons may. Good luck!

Ruthie

From: fnofsports@...Date: Wed, 24 Feb 2010 00:21:25 +0000Subject: ( ) Looking for some advice from parents of young adults

Okay I am 23 and I have had 0 real romantic success in my life. No girlfriend, no dates, nothing like that. My teeth are messed up and I still need braces which no doubt harms me here, but I have a dentist phobia (can't help it!) and no real dental insurance, and while I have the money... thats a lot of money without insurance. The other really big problem is I am never alone with any girls or anything like that. Unemployed right now but even when I was a full time student I couldn't stand cafaterias/bars/etc. so I only saw people in my classes... which were male dominated (polisci is about 3/4 male and teaching is about 3/4 sport coaches which is about 5/6 male.) So my question to you is, how do your kids have success... if that makes any sense. I see posts about this all the time, but can't neccessarily figure it out. Any help or more questions would be nice.

[Guest guest]

The support group here in Eastern Iowa is all like 35-50 year olds... not exactly my best bet for a chance. Haven't seen Adam but have seen Mozart and the Whale, :shrugs: didn't get much advice from it.

Aspergers Treatment From: DOLEZAL123@...Date: Tue, 23 Feb 2010 20:16:21 -0600Subject: RE: ( ) Looking for some advice from parents of young adults

Have you seen the movie Adam? If not, please rent it. I would say it is helpful. Also, how about a support group for young adults with Aspergers? Just a thought. I know my 8 year old AS even related to Adam. I don't have a dating or young adult yet. Our 16 year old son has other 'issues' and hasn't even asked to date, and can't (he lives in a facility at this time). So, I can't help much other than recommend support group and watching movies like Adam, which I feel would be very helpful. It was extremely eye opening to us, helped us to see life as our sons may. Good luck! Ruthie

From: fnofsportshotmailDate: Wed, 24 Feb 2010 00:21:25 +0000Subject: ( ) Looking for some advice from parents of young adults

Okay I am 23 and I have had 0 real romantic success in my life. No girlfriend, no dates, nothing like that. My teeth are messed up and I still need braces which no doubt harms me here, but I have a dentist phobia (can't help it!) and no real dental insurance, and while I have the money... thats a lot of money without insurance. The other really big problem is I am never alone with any girls or anything like that. Unemployed right now but even when I was a full time student I couldn't stand cafaterias/bars/etc. so I only saw people in my classes... which were male dominated (polisci is about 3/4 male and teaching is about 3/4 sport coaches which is about 5/6 male.) So my question to you is, how do your kids have success... if that makes any sense. I see posts about this all the time, but can't neccessarily figure it out. Any help or more questions would be nice.

Hotmail: Trusted email with powerful SPAM protection. Sign up now.

[Guest guest]

First let me address your dental issues. Most Universities have dental programs for undergrads, and they encourage people from the community to sit in their chairs and with the instruction of an experienced Dentist, they perform every oral procedure you can possibly imagine (and more) at a HUGELY reduced cost to their patients. All the dental techs I have had are very gentle and completely sensitive to your possible phobias. THe dental work is top notch! and cutting edge. Call your local College or University and inquire about making an appointment with their dental program.

When you get that appointment, leave early for it and take a stroll to the commons area of the campus, or the library, the gymnasium, the book store, or check out the campus-board; where events are posted. You'll find plenty of young adults who are hanging out, taking a break or just chilling and have time to chat with you. Start up a conversation.

From: fnofsports <fnofsports@...>Subject: ( ) Looking for some advice from parents of young adults Date: Tuesday, February 23, 2010, 6:21 PM

Okay I am 23 and I have had 0 real romantic success in my life. No girlfriend, no dates, nothing like that. My teeth are messed up and I still need braces which no doubt harms me here, but I have a dentist phobia (can't help it!) and no real dental insurance, and while I have the money... thats a lot of money without insurance. The other really big problem is I am never alone with any girls or anything like that. Unemployed right now but even when I was a full time student I couldn't stand cafaterias/bars/etc. so I only saw people in my classes... which were male dominated (polisci is about 3/4 male and teaching is about 3/4 sport coaches which is about 5/6 male.) So my question to you is, how do your kids have success... if that makes any sense. I see posts about this all the time, but can't neccessarily figure it out. Any help or more questions would be

nice.------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Ummm I am not very good at at communicating with random strangers... I always feel so weird doing it. So that makes things even harder. Beyond that I still need braces and no matter what they cost a lot of money . I know I am always being a pestimist but just being realistic.

From: katesdishes@...Date: Tue, 23 Feb 2010 19:34:17 -0800Subject: Re: ( ) Looking for some advice from parents of young adults

First let me address your dental issues. Most Universities have dental programs for undergrads, and they encourage people from the community to sit in their chairs and with the instruction of an experienced Dentist, they perform every oral procedure you can possibly imagine (and more) at a HUGELY reduced cost to their patients. All the dental techs I have had are very gentle and completely sensitive to your possible phobias. THe dental work is top notch! and cutting edge. Call your local College or University and inquire about making an appointment with their dental program.

When you get that appointment, leave early for it and take a stroll to the commons area of the campus, or the library, the gymnasium, the book store, or check out the campus-board; where events are posted. You'll find plenty of young adults who are hanging out, taking a break or just chilling and have time to chat with you. Start up a conversation.

From: fnofsports <fnofsportshotmail>Subject: ( ) Looking for some advice from parents of young adults Date: Tuesday, February 23, 2010, 6:21 PM

Okay I am 23 and I have had 0 real romantic success in my life. No girlfriend, no dates, nothing like that. My teeth are messed up and I still need braces which no doubt harms me here, but I have a dentist phobia (can't help it!) and no real dental insurance, and while I have the money... thats a lot of money without insurance. The other really big problem is I am never alone with any girls or anything like that. Unemployed right now but even when I was a full time student I couldn't stand cafaterias/bars/etc. so I only saw people in my classes... which were male dominated (polisci is about 3/4 male and teaching is about 3/4 sport coaches which is about 5/6 male.) So my question to you is, how do your kids have success... if that makes any sense. I see posts about this all the time, but can't neccessarily figure it out. Any help or more questions would be nice.------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Our son is 25 and has a lot of difficulty

also in meeting people (girls). One thing that has worked a little with him is www.meetup.com. You can link up with people

in your city/area of all ages (hopefully some around your age) based around an

interest that you have. I assume from your email address you like sports, one

of the meet-up groups here gets together at a local restaurant and watches

games. It is always easier to talk to people if you have something in common,

their groups have a wide age range and usually include guys and girls.

This may be a stupid question but isn’t

polisci a lot on politics? Could you volunteer in a political campaign for

someone you like or support? Again, it is much easier to meet people in that

type environment where you have common interests.

There are also dentists who will offer

patients with dental phobias a sedative so they are “out” while

they have a dental visit. Remember, too, many dentists have cute, young, single

technicians (female) and may be a way to meet girls while getting your teeth

fixed!

Good luck,

Sue in Tn

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Kate Stone

Sent: Tuesday, February 23, 2010

10:34 PM

To:

Subject: Re: ( )

Looking for some advice from parents of young adults

First let me address your dental issues. Most

Universities have dental programs for undergrads, and they encourage people

from the community to sit in their chairs and with the instruction of an

experienced Dentist, they perform every oral procedure you can possibly

imagine (and more) at a HUGELY reduced cost to their patients. All the

dental techs I have had are very gentle and completely sensitive to your

possible phobias. THe dental work is top notch! and cutting edge.

Call your local College or University and inquire about making an appointment

with their dental program.

When you get that appointment, leave early for it

and take a stroll to the commons area of the campus, or the library, the

gymnasium, the book store, or check out the campus-board; where events are

posted. You'll find plenty of young adults who are hanging out,

taking a break or just chilling and have time to chat with you. Start

up a conversation.

From: fnofsports <fnofsportshotmail>

Subject: ( ) Looking for some advice from parents of young

adults

Date: Tuesday, February 23, 2010, 6:21 PM

Okay I am 23 and I have

had 0 real romantic success in my life. No girlfriend, no dates,

nothing like that. My teeth are messed up and I still need braces which

no doubt harms me here, but I have a dentist phobia (can't help it!) and no

real dental insurance, and while I have the money... thats a lot of money

without insurance. The other really big problem is I am never alone

with any girls or anything like that. Unemployed right now but even

when I was a full time student I couldn't stand cafaterias/bars/etc. so

I only saw people in my classes... which were male dominated (polisci is

about 3/4 male and teaching is about 3/4 sport coaches which is about 5/6

male.) So my question to you is, how do your kids have success... if

that makes any sense. I see posts about this all the time, but can't

neccessarily figure it out. Any help or more questions would be nice.

------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Dear Sir:

I have a few things to help. One, is there a dental school near you? Maybe you could work out a barter agreement with a dentist. I assume you know some things and could maybe work out an arrangement with a dentist. Two, try to find local Aspergers groups. I just found one for adults. It seems to be easier to get a child's group, but keep looking. Three, Nick Dubin has written a good book on Aspergers and anxiety that has many useful things to help you. Four, Ask your relatives and friends to hook you up with people they know. Five, Know that people have one to five ways they feel love from other people. The ways are, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical Touch. One or Two of these most important to the woman you will have keep doing to keep her intrested in you. She will need to work from the list for you too. Lastly, the thing that attracts this woman to you may be, probably will put on the back burner. People, men and women do not like to settle for Mr./Ms., OK. But there is settling and settling. This is the bad part of settling. People are attracted to how love was displayed in their family of origin. Problem people attract, problem people. That is why wife's who are beaten are attracted to wife beaters, and drunk families are kept drunk.

You may have met women who liked you, but you did not act on their overtures. Also you need to keep in mind that maybe your gut feeling about why you think this woman is crazy may be correct. The "In Love Stage" is in all cultures called the crazy stage. Both people over look the imperfections in the other person. The mature stage of, in love, is where people stay together knowing their faults, and their partner/spouse's faults and accepting them. While knowing from a demonstration of one of the five love acts by the other member of the couple that, yes I feel Love from this imperfect person. Just ask someone you trust like you mom or dad, or a sib or male friend. You do not want to end up tied to a bed alone at the end of a date. Or married to a woman who will not work to help when things get tough and admit that she is imperfect as you know you are.

Thornton

( ) Looking for some advice from parents of young adults

Okay I am 23 and I have had 0 real romantic success in my life. No girlfriend, no dates, nothing like that. My teeth are messed up and I still need braces which no doubt harms me here, but I have a dentist phobia (can't help it!) and no real dental insurance, and while I have the money... thats a lot of money without insurance. The other really big problem is I am never alone with any girls or anything like that. Unemployed right now but even when I was a full time student I couldn't stand cafaterias/bars/etc. so I only saw people in my classes... which were male dominated (polisci is about 3/4 male and teaching is about 3/4 sport coaches which is about 5/6 male.) So my question to you is, how do your kids have success... if that makes any sense. I see posts about this all the time, but can't neccessarily figure it out. Any help or more questions would be nice.

[Guest guest]

It's great you are looking for help. You need a partner to help you work thru

these issues. It would be so hard to do this all by yourself. I would advise

you to get a therapist first and work on having anxiety treated first. Contact a

hospital close to you and contact the social worker. You may be able to get

medicad or charity services set up. My daughter is not able to do very much

without her anxiety treated. Anxiety is so very debilitating. You need to work

thru the anxiety issues step by step. If you can work that is a goal after your

anxiety is treated. If you can't work you need help getting onto SSI (government

support). I feel for you that

you are lonely and isolated. Please do everything you can to get

a therpaist to help you.

Pam

- In , " fnofsports " <fnofsports@...> wrote:

>

> Okay I am 23 and I have had 0 real romantic success in my life. No

girlfriend, no dates, nothing like that. My teeth are messed up and I still

need braces which no doubt harms me here, but I have a dentist phobia (can't

help it!) and no real dental insurance, and while I have the money... thats a

lot of money without insurance. The other really big problem is I am never

alone with any girls or anything like that. Unemployed right now but even when

I was a full time student I couldn't stand cafaterias/bars/etc. so I only saw

people in my classes... which were male dominated (polisci is about 3/4 male and

teaching is about 3/4 sport coaches which is about 5/6 male.) So my question to

you is, how do your kids have success... if that makes any sense. I see posts

about this all the time, but can't neccessarily figure it out. Any help or more

questions would be nice.

>

[Guest guest]

My son is 20 and has had one relationship that ended after almost a year. He is

currently at student at a community college. The school has a support group for

students with Asperger's and Autism. He met the gf through one of the members of

the group.

Unlike many people on the spectrum, my son has always been very outgoing with

adults, he had tons of problems prior to entering the community college. He

loves to go to the cafeteria in the mornings before his classes, work on his

computer and listen to whatever with his headphones on. He has been sitting at

the same table now since he started the school and has become a permanent

fixture in the mornings in his corner.

When he was small, he had a horrendous phobia when he went to the dentist. He

would get sick everytime. One day, he took his gameboy with headphones and he

let them work on his teeth since he couldn't hear anything and he was involved

in his gameboy. Today, he basically does the same thing with his ipod.

My son is also lucky because he has an older sister who told me when my son

started HS that I let him get the " wrong " clothes, so she took him shopping and

helped him pick out clothes that were comfortable but did not set him apart from

the other kids. When he had meltdowns in HS, he would call her (she was going to

a university on the other coast) and he would give advise based on the current

trends vs. Mom who is from another generation.

Good luck.

Debbi in SO CA

>

> Okay I am 23 and I have had 0 real romantic success in my life. No

girlfriend, no dates, nothing like that. My teeth are messed up and I still

need braces which no doubt harms me here, but I have a dentist phobia (can't

help it!) and no real dental insurance, and while I have the money... thats a

lot of money without insurance. The other really big problem is I am never

alone with any girls or anything like that. Unemployed right now but even when

I was a full time student I couldn't stand cafaterias/bars/etc. so I only saw

people in my classes... which were male dominated (polisci is about 3/4 male and

teaching is about 3/4 sport coaches which is about 5/6 male.) So my question to

you is, how do your kids have success... if that makes any sense. I see posts

about this all the time, but can't neccessarily figure it out. Any help or more

questions would be nice.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi you've gotten lots of replies! I married my spouse 25 yrs ago

w/messed up teeth, he has integrity and other good qualities. He

got braces while employed. I kinda missed the messed up teeth!

As long as your teeth are clean and you are clean and the clothes

are presentable, don't fixate on the teeth. Or try not to!

My daughter (and myself) met her relationship person at a club

she had joined. She joined a camping club, a nerd/geek club,

and another one, I forget the name. Doing what you enjoy in a

group of others is a good way to meet someone with the same

interest, this initial good times will help if you meet someone

that is The One during the ups and downs of a marriage. I

know you're not asking for marriage, I'm just sayin.

Neither my daughter, her relationship person, nor myself is

perfect in any way in appearance. It's what is on the inside

that attracts people to one another. Are you in a small town?

LJ

>

> Okay I am 23 and I have had 0 real romantic success in my life. No

girlfriend, no dates, nothing like that. My teeth are messed up and I still

need braces which no doubt harms me here, but I have a dentist phobia (can't

help it!) and no real dental insurance, and while I have the money... thats a

lot of money without insurance. The other really big problem is I am never

alone with any girls or anything like that. Unemployed right now but even when

I was a full time student I couldn't stand cafaterias/bars/etc. so I only saw

people in my classes... which were male dominated (polisci is about 3/4 male and

teaching is about 3/4 sport coaches which is about 5/6 male.) So my question to

you is, how do your kids have success... if that makes any sense. I see posts

about this all the time, but can't neccessarily figure it out. Any help or more

questions would be nice.

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for sharing your story. My son and nephew both has AS and also would love

to have a girlfriend, not to mention more friends in their lives. My son has

similar issues with the lighting, noises and smells in cafeterias and crowds so

I understand what you mean. He is very funny, but won't say much unless he has

known someone for awhile.

I think what helps my son learn social skills is watching movies and some shows

on television. I've noticed that as he has gotten older that he is watching a

wider range of television shows and that he is watching some of them intently -

like he is a scientist trying to analyze what is going on. So this is something

that you may want to try to help you figure out a nice way to start a

conversation with someone you don't know or how to keep a conversation going.

Sometimes the characters say things to be funny that no one should say in real

life. So you need to be careful about the characters you try to copy. Mr. Bean

is great example of someone who does all the wrong things. He's a lot of fun to

watch, but you don't want to try to copy him.

I recommend taking some adult ed classes in something that you are passionate

about so you can meet other people with similar interests. Maybe you will meet a

girl there, or maybe you will make a new friend that knows a girl that will be

perfect for you. It's very easy to talk to someone if you both like the same

things.

Another good way to meet girls and to make more friends is to volunteer.

You mentioned Poli Sci and sports. Have you thought about volunteering to work

on a campaign? What about joining a health club or local gym?

As for your teeth - you can try going to a dental school for treatment. The cost

will be much lower and the work will be done using state of the art equipment by

students with their teachers looking over their shoulder.

[Guest guest]

I can work, so I want SSI to be a last resort for me, its just a tough economic

climate out there and I want to go to grad school this fall (hopefully, I have

already applied to several, just waiting to get accepted) and after I get my

masters it should be way easier to get a job. Then there is the fact that I do

have some money in the bank account that I am just waiting to use to pay all my

stupent loans (couldn't have ever been a full time student and a worker at the

same time so I have a lot of them). I won't get accepted to SSI or medicaid as

long as I have that money, even if its all spoken for (I am basically just

waiting to talk to a real accountant about it then will go after my worst

student loans, don't have quite enough to cover them all).

I am generally not that anxious, just when talking to new people for the first

time and sometimes not even then. Like say I am at a bookstore and checking out

the special needs boos, something I do on like a weekly basis), if someone else

is there that I can give advice too I might, but if I think about it leading to

a friendship I am screwed. So yea... I am not sure how much a therapist could

do. Then there is the fact that going into teaching I really don't trust the

government much anymore (ever see the commercial where the guys at his doctors

office and all the other doctors are there telling his current one what he has

had before... whats to keep an employer from doing the same thing in a couple

years (especcially when that employer is the a governmental entity). Yea I know

I probably shouldn't be but it does make me nervous.

> >

> > Okay I am 23 and I have had 0 real romantic success in my life. No

girlfriend, no dates, nothing like that. My teeth are messed up and I still

need braces which no doubt harms me here, but I have a dentist phobia (can't

help it!) and no real dental insurance, and while I have the money... thats a

lot of money without insurance. The other really big problem is I am never

alone with any girls or anything like that. Unemployed right now but even when

I was a full time student I couldn't stand cafaterias/bars/etc. so I only saw

people in my classes... which were male dominated (polisci is about 3/4 male and

teaching is about 3/4 sport coaches which is about 5/6 male.) So my question to

you is, how do your kids have success... if that makes any sense. I see posts

about this all the time, but can't neccessarily figure it out. Any help or more

questions would be nice.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Since you are unemployed right now, do you have a medical card?

In Wisconsin, it's called a "FORWARD" card. Maybe you can get some dental work done that way?

I'd call your states' "county offices" and just ask if they can till you how to go about applying for a medical/dental card.

Also, do you have an actual diagnosis? If you call the main number under your couny's SOCIAL SERVICES,,,,and ask for services for people with disabilities,,,,they may be able to point you in a direction. Maybe even some groups to join? As far as talking with others.......man,,,,,,,,,,I'm sorry. Do you go to church? Maybe through your hobbies.....you'll meet your "dream woman"!!!!!

I bet when you're smiling with healthy, beautiful teeth, you're going to feel a lot more confident!!!

Maybe when you're checking out for a medical card and any social groups (which, like I said, you could just call places up and ask what they know of in your area......), things will start falling in place for you.

Oh....do your parents, if involved, have any ideas for you?

Hugs.

It really is simple. Just treat others kindly and with respect.

Robin

From: fnofsports <fnofsportshotmail (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Looking for some advice from parents of young adults Date: Tuesday, February 23, 2010, 6:21 PM

Okay I am 23 and I have had 0 real romantic success in my life. No girlfriend, no dates, nothing like that. My teeth are messed up and I still need braces which no doubt harms me here, but I have a dentist phobia (can't help it!) and no real dental insurance, and while I have the money... thats a lot of money without insurance. The other really big problem is I am never alone with any girls or anything like that. Unemployed right now but even when I was a full time student I couldn't stand cafaterias/bars/ etc. so I only saw people in my classes... which were male dominated (polisci is about 3/4 male and teaching is about 3/4 sport coaches which is about 5/6 male.) So my question to you is, how do your kids have success... if that makes any sense. I see posts about this all the time, but can't neccessarily figure it out. Any help or more questions would be nice.------------

--------- --------- ------

[Guest guest]

Are you still in college? My son found it good to join clubs at college.

Those that interest you. And then sometimes you get invited out to other

non-Club things. Have you tried that?

>

> Okay I am 23 and I have had 0 real romantic success in my life. No

girlfriend, no dates, nothing like that. My teeth are messed up and I still

need braces which no doubt harms me here, but I have a dentist phobia (can't

help it!) and no real dental insurance, and while I have the money... thats a

lot of money without insurance. The other really big problem is I am never

alone with any girls or anything like that. Unemployed right now but even when

I was a full time student I couldn't stand cafaterias/bars/etc. so I only saw

[Guest guest]

Not really still in college and even when I was it was a small college that barely had any clubs that met regularly. I did mock trial one year and model UN one year but both took too much time to do (fine in your Freshman year, bad in your senior year when your classes take up all your time) and didn't really lead do anything. Other then that it was things like FCA (fellowship of Christian athletes... not a jock) and BSEO (black student something organization.... not black). So really no clubs at all, none that really spoke to me.

From: @...Date: Thu, 25 Feb 2010 03:49:11 +0000Subject: ( ) Re: Looking for some advice from parents of young adults

Are you still in college? My son found it good to join clubs at college. Those that interest you. And then sometimes you get invited out to other non-Club things. Have you tried that? >> Okay I am 23 and I have had 0 real romantic success in my life. No girlfriend, no dates, nothing like that. My teeth are messed up and I still need braces which no doubt harms me here, but I have a dentist phobia (can't help it!) and no real dental insurance, and while I have the money... thats a lot of money without insurance. The other really big problem is I am never alone with any girls or anything like that. Unemployed right now but even when I was a full time student I couldn't stand cafaterias/bars/etc. so I only saw

Your E-mail and More On-the-Go. Get Windows Live Hotmail Free. Sign up now.

[Guest guest]

Of all things you have

said, I still cannot stress enough how much a counselor and therapist can help

you with all that you have to deal with. I am surprised that at your age, no

one had been working with you yet. When you were diagnosed, you should have

been directed to some resources and counseling.

Reading books is not

enough. Working with a therapist is the best and safest way to learn how to be

in a relationship.

Belita

[Guest guest]

I don't trust easily... maybe I should but I don't. Most therapists I have ever seen are too nosey... and that just doesn't work for me. Plus I don't have the money.

From: bsrossin@...Date: Thu, 25 Feb 2010 11:33:22 -0800Subject: ( ) Re: Looking for some advice from parents of young adults

Of all things you have said, I still cannot stress enough how much a counselor and therapist can help you with all that you have to deal with. I am surprised that at your age, no one had been working with you yet. When you were diagnosed, you should have been directed to some resources and counseling.

Reading books is not enough. Working with a therapist is the best and safest way to learn how to be in a relationship.

Belita

Hotmail: Powerful Free email with security by Microsoft. Get it now.

[Guest guest]

I have nothing to give to a dentist... nothing much at all. All the local aspie

groups are filled with 40+ year olds... I hate trying to interact with 40+ year

olds (sorry but its true). I will have to check out that book if I can find it.

My relatives all live far away or wouldn't dream of helping me... I don't get

along with my bros very well not to mention they are teens.

>

> Dear Sir:

>

> I have a few things to help. One, is there a dental school near you? Maybe

you could work out a barter agreement with a dentist. I assume you know some

things and could maybe work out an arrangement with a dentist. Two, try to find

local Aspergers groups. I just found one for adults. It seems to be easier to

get a child's group, but keep looking. Three, Nick Dubin has written a good book

on Aspergers and anxiety that has many useful things to help you. Four, Ask your

relatives and friends to hook you up with people they know. Five, Know that

people have one to five ways they feel love from other people. The ways are,

Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical

Touch. One or Two of these most important to the woman you will have keep doing

to keep her intrested in you. She will need to work from the list for you too.

Lastly, the thing that attracts this woman to you may be, probably will put on

the back burner. People, men and women do not like to settle for Mr./Ms., OK.

But there is settling and settling. This is the bad part of settling. People are

attracted to how love was displayed in their family of origin. Problem people

attract, problem people. That is why wife's who are beaten are attracted to wife

beaters, and drunk families are kept drunk.

>

> You may have met women who liked you, but you did not act on their

overtures. Also you need to keep in mind that maybe your gut feeling about why

you think this woman is crazy may be correct. The " In Love Stage " is in all

cultures called the crazy stage. Both people over look the imperfections in the

other person. The mature stage of, in love, is where people stay together

knowing their faults, and their partner/spouse's faults and accepting them.

While knowing from a demonstration of one of the five love acts by the other

member of the couple that, yes I feel Love from this imperfect person. Just ask

someone you trust like you mom or dad, or a sib or male friend. You do not want

to end up tied to a bed alone at the end of a date. Or married to a woman who

will not work to help when things get tough and admit that she is imperfect as

you know you are.

>

> Thornton

>

>

> ( ) Looking for some advice from parents of young

adults

>

>

>

> Okay I am 23 and I have had 0 real romantic success in my life. No

girlfriend, no dates, nothing like that. My teeth are messed up and I still need

braces which no doubt harms me here, but I have a dentist phobia (can't help

it!) and no real dental insurance, and while I have the money... thats a lot of

money without insurance. The other really big problem is I am never alone with

any girls or anything like that. Unemployed right now but even when I was a full

time student I couldn't stand cafaterias/bars/etc. so I only saw people in my

classes... which were male dominated (polisci is about 3/4 male and teaching is

about 3/4 sport coaches which is about 5/6 male.) So my question to you is, how

do your kids have success... if that makes any sense. I see posts about this all

the time, but can't neccessarily figure it out. Any help or more questions would

be nice.

>

[Guest guest]

Fnofsports,

How about trying the following:

Join a gym or take some martial arts lessons. I now that costs money but that is

great therapy, does wonders for the self-confidence (extremely important around

women), and keeps you fit (maximizes your attractiveness). I know this costs

money but the payoff is high. For cheaper ideas, you can join a running club or

a biking club. Dont worry if you are not that athletic, persistance and

dedication can overcome a lot.

Now for simple exposure, volunteer! Not sure what city you live in but DC has

dc-cares.org and there are other sites too. Most decently sized cities will have

a web portal for finding volunteering opportunities. Pick the ones you would

enjoy. Lots of females volunteer and so mingling will naturally occur. And it is

good for the soul--so you feel better about yourself too.

What do you do well?

M

>

>

> I don't trust easily... maybe I should but I don't. Most therapists I have

ever seen are too nosey... and that just doesn't work for me. Plus I don't have

the money.

>

>

>

>

> From: bsrossin@...

> Date: Thu, 25 Feb 2010 11:33:22 -0800

> Subject: ( ) Re: Looking for some advice from parents of young

adults

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Of all things you have said, I still cannot stress enough how much a counselor

and therapist can help you with all that you have to deal with. I am surprised

that at your age, no one had been working with you yet. When you were

diagnosed, you should have been directed to some resources and counseling.

>

>

> Reading books is not enough. Working with a therapist is the best and safest

way to learn how to be in a relationship.

>

>

> Belita

>

>

>

>

>

> _________________________________________________________________

> Hotmail: Powerful Free email with security by Microsoft.

> http://clk.atdmt.com/GBL/go/201469230/direct/01/

>

[Guest guest]

Dear :

There are therapists that work on sliding scales of pay. Family and Social Services should be able to help you. On the second point. The therapist must ask the private questions to fully understand you and your problem, before they can say things that can help you.

T.

( ) Re: Looking for some advice from parents of young adults

Of all things you have said, I still cannot stress enough how much a counselor and therapist can help you with all that you have to deal with. I am surprised that at your age, no one had been working with you yet. When you were diagnosed, you should have been directed to some resources and counseling.

Reading books is not enough. Working with a therapist is the best and safest way to learn how to be in a relationship.

Belita

Hotmail: Powerful Free email with security by Microsoft. Get it now.

[Guest guest]

Actually I am already taking martial arts classes... the only problem is in one class its all teens, mostly of the 12-16 variety, and in the other class its filled with people who scare me lol. Beyond that I live in a pretty small city, certainly nowhere near the size (or with the problems) as DC. Beyond that I work with kids well, special needs kids in particular. There are a few problems there, first Big Brothers Big Sisters or any other mentoring places doesn't work with special needs kids, don't trust them. Next I am male, males aren't trusted, sad but true. Last, I would meet kids not adults lol.

From: marcontheroad@...Date: Fri, 26 Feb 2010 13:22:54 +0000Subject: ( ) Re: Looking for some advice from parents of young adults

Fnofsports,How about trying the following:Join a gym or take some martial arts lessons. I now that costs money but that is great therapy, does wonders for the self-confidence (extremely important around women), and keeps you fit (maximizes your attractiveness). I know this costs money but the payoff is high. For cheaper ideas, you can join a running club or a biking club. Dont worry if you are not that athletic, persistance and dedication can overcome a lot. Now for simple exposure, volunteer! Not sure what city you live in but DC has dc-cares.org and there are other sites too. Most decently sized cities will have a web portal for finding volunteering opportunities. Pick the ones you would enjoy. Lots of females volunteer and so mingling will naturally occur. And it is good for the soul--so you feel better about yourself too. What do you do well?M>> > I don't trust easily... maybe I should but I don't. Most therapists I have ever seen are too nosey... and that just doesn't work for me. Plus I don't have the money.> > > > > From: bsrossin@...> Date: Thu, 25 Feb 2010 11:33:22 -0800> Subject: ( ) Re: Looking for some advice from parents of young adults> > > > > > > > Of all things you have said, I still cannot stress enough how much a counselor and therapist can help you with all that you have to deal with. I am surprised that at your age, no one had been working with you yet. When you were diagnosed, you should have been directed to some resources and counseling.> > > Reading books is not enough. Working with a therapist is the best and safest way to learn how to be in a relationship.> > > Belita> > > > > > __________________________________________________________> Hotmail: Powerful Free email with security by Microsoft.> http://clk.atdmt.com/GBL/go/201469230/direct/01/>

Hotmail: Powerful Free email with security by Microsoft. Get it now.

[Guest guest]

,Those 40+ year old's in the aspie groups are a wealth of information. Ask them about their jobs, friends, kids. Talk with them about sports, politics. If they get to know you, maybe they can refer you for a job. They may have sons or daughters with AS who are shy but looking for friends too. Maybe one is a dentist:o You can learn a lot from others. I have friends that are much older and much younger than me. One friend was my son's baby sitter and she calls me all the time, vents about her problems or asks advice. I try to keep her motivated. She is happy to have someone give her advice. She says she wants advice so she doesn't make mistakes. I tell her what boyfriends I don't like and say I told you so when they break up:) We go shopping and she call us on every

holiday. She even gives me ideas with my AS son because she worked in a day care.Now that my son is dx, I see similar symptoms in my husband and he sees it too. My dh and I were friends for awhile before we starting dating because I was dating someone else. I soon noticed how nice, sincere, good hearted, and loving he was and I broke it off with the other guy to date my dh. We've been married 20 years now. He is very different than me but we enjoy the same things. He's always known that he's had problems in certain areas, but has been open to let me help him. He now says he's a little OCD, ADD, and AS and we laugh about it. I love him dearly.I have a good friend who has been handicapped from birth, using crutches and leg braces. She does date but doesn't get approached by people at a bar. She does fun things to meet people like goes to monthly meeting about topics she likes,

takes a night course on photography, goes to the gym, and volunteers. Once people get to know her, they see how sweet she is and she gets asked out on a date. As for the dentist, I have gone to the dental school at our local university and paid a

third of the price of a regular dentist. I first paid $300 up front

and they let me pay the balance monthly. They are not rushed since

they get credit by the hour and they need so many hours to graduate. You can even bring in an MP3 player and

headphones to help you relax. Some dental offices accept monthly payments for braces or let you finance it. If you get started on your teeth now,

you'll feel more comfident to approach people.Sorry for the rambling, but hope this helps.Gen

From: fnofsports <fnofsports@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Looking for some advice from parents of young adults Date: Friday, February 26, 2010, 12:29 AM

I have nothing to give to a dentist... nothing much at all. All the local aspie groups are filled with 40+ year olds... I hate trying to interact with 40+ year olds (sorry but its true). I will have to check out that book if I can find it. My relatives all live far away or wouldn't dream of helping me... I don't get along with my bros very well not to mention they are teens.

>

> Dear Sir:

>

> I have a few things to help. One, is there a dental school near you? Maybe you could work out a barter agreement with a dentist. I assume you know some things and could maybe work out an arrangement with a dentist. Two, try to find local Aspergers groups. I just found one for adults. It seems to be easier to get a child's group, but keep looking. Three, Nick Dubin has written a good book on Aspergers and anxiety that has many useful things to help you. Four, Ask your relatives and friends to hook you up with people they know. Five, Know that people have one to five ways they feel love from other people. The ways are, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical Touch. One or Two of these most important to the woman you will have keep doing to keep her intrested in you. She will need to work from the list for you too. Lastly, the thing that attracts this woman to you may be, probably will put on the back burner.

People, men and women do not like to settle for Mr./Ms., OK. But there is settling and settling. This is the bad part of settling. People are attracted to how love was displayed in their family of origin. Problem people attract, problem people. That is why wife's who are beaten are attracted to wife beaters, and drunk families are kept drunk.

>

> You may have met women who liked you, but you did not act on their overtures. Also you need to keep in mind that maybe your gut feeling about why you think this woman is crazy may be correct. The "In Love Stage" is in all cultures called the crazy stage. Both people over look the imperfections in the other person. The mature stage of, in love, is where people stay together knowing their faults, and their partner/spouse' s faults and accepting them. While knowing from a demonstration of one of the five love acts by the other member of the couple that, yes I feel Love from this imperfect person. Just ask someone you trust like you mom or dad, or a sib or male friend. You do not want to end up tied to a bed alone at the end of a date. Or married to a woman who will not work to help when things get tough and admit that she is imperfect as you know you are.

>

> Thornton

>

>

> ( ) Looking for some advice from parents of young adults

>

>

>

> Okay I am 23 and I have had 0 real romantic success in my life. No girlfriend, no dates, nothing like that. My teeth are messed up and I still need braces which no doubt harms me here, but I have a dentist phobia (can't help it!) and no real dental insurance, and while I have the money... thats a lot of money without insurance. The other really big problem is I am never alone with any girls or anything like that. Unemployed right now but even when I was a full time student I couldn't stand cafaterias/bars/ etc. so I only saw people in my classes... which were male dominated (polisci is about 3/4 male and teaching is about 3/4 sport coaches which is about 5/6 male.) So my question to you is, how do your kids have success... if that makes any sense. I see posts about this all the time, but can't neccessarily figure it out. Any help or more questions would be nice.

>