Re: I unplugged my kids

[Guest guest]

During the school year I'm much stricter about how much screen time they get (video games, computer, TV). I allow more during the summer. But I could probably scale back some. About a week ago, they were done around noon and I put the hammer down and although there was a lot of crying, arguing, etc... at first, they eventually went into D's room (I have Dylan, 13, and , 7) and played for almost 2 hours. They were laughing and having a great time. So I applaud you for having the courage to do this. Keep us posted on how it goes.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: r_woman2 <me2ruth@...> Sent: Saturday, July 18, 2009 12:45:56 PMSubject: ( ) I unplugged my kids

Well, I've had enough guys. Actually, I didn't totally unplug my kids. On weekends and evenings, no computer and no TV until after supper. I work, and it is my husband's business what he wants to do weekdays.We've always limited our kids computer time, and we've never bought them game stations of any kind, but it just didn't work. We initially started letting them use the computer quite a bit when they were young because they were doing things we considered healthy. One used to do computer art and one used to do a lot of creative writing on the computer. They both used to do searches on topics that interested them. But the last couple of years, it has sort of degenerated into not much but internet game playing. They are very addicted. Even though we limit their time, they just live for their oomputer turns, and the time off the computer they want to spend vegging in front of the TV or sleeping. They spend all their allowance on online computer

game subscriptions. The NT one used to be very social, but he isn't anymore--at least not outside school hours.Pretty creepy huh? My husband and I are getting very creeped out anyway, and sad. I sat there in bed last night, having gotten woken up, listening to them discuss whose turn ended when, and it hit me that this was crazy. There is just no excuse for me letting this go on. You know how the truth sometimes hits you very hard in the middle of the night? Fourteen is way to young for life to start passing you by.So, I told my kids that today is the first day of the rest of their lives. One asked me what he was going to do--I told him that is up to him; I can't live his life for him.I'm glad I have the experience of one of my boys friend's mother. They had a daughter in gymnastics. At age 10, her coaches informed them that they wanted them to sign her up for 30 hours of practice/lessons per week. It was a wakeup call to them.

They decided this was way too unbalanced a life and took her out of gymnastics. What I'm thinking about is what the girl herself said. She said the first year out of gymnastics was very hard. She wasn't used to having any free time. She had no life. She said it took her a full year to really adjust, make friends, find things to do with herself, build a life. She learned a hard lesson young. Anyway, point being, I know it will take my boys some to get it together. I'm not expecting instant results.But I feel a huge relief, knowing I am doing the right thing.Anybody else been through this?

[Guest guest]

Ruth,

I am going thru this right now....all my son wants to do is computer, text and xbox. His TSS said my son is so unmotivated. This has been bothering me for a long time....I think it is time to put limits on it too! I feel like I don't even have a kid anymore...he has no imagination and everything bores him...so if he isn't on one of the three ...he goes to sleep.

Enough is enough...I am ready to throw the computer, xbox and cell phone away.

And, tonight we found out that he said unappropriate things while texting...he claims that this older kid told him to do it otherwise he would come to the house and beat him up. I don't even know if I can believe my son any more. He is going to turn 14 in October and his body is changing so quickly...but he doens't know how to handle all this...i know the kids today are all talking like this and so forth but my son just doesn't understand how inappropropriate it is and he is always the one that gets in trouble. His father took the cell phone but gave it back and told him to apologize to everyone. He also told my son that he is going to check the phone whenever he wants to make sure he is being appropriate. I guess we will have to check the computer too. Ugh. Today the kids are too forward, to much into sex and I am really worried. I am so afraid of my son getting in trouble for inappropriate behavior ...ugh!

Very depressed

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: r_woman2 <me2ruth@...>Subject: ( ) I unplugged my kids Date: Saturday, July 18, 2009, 1:45 PM

Well, I've had enough guys. Actually, I didn't totally unplug my kids. On weekends and evenings, no computer and no TV until after supper. I work, and it is my husband's business what he wants to do weekdays.We've always limited our kids computer time, and we've never bought them game stations of any kind, but it just didn't work. We initially started letting them use the computer quite a bit when they were young because they were doing things we considered healthy. One used to do computer art and one used to do a lot of creative writing on the computer. They both used to do searches on topics that interested them. But the last couple of years, it has sort of degenerated into not much but internet game playing. They are very addicted. Even though we limit their time, they just live for their oomputer turns, and the time off the computer they want to spend vegging in front of the TV or sleeping. They spend all their allowance on online

computer game subscriptions. The NT one used to be very social, but he isn't anymore--at least not outside school hours.Pretty creepy huh? My husband and I are getting very creeped out anyway, and sad. I sat there in bed last night, having gotten woken up, listening to them discuss whose turn ended when, and it hit me that this was crazy. There is just no excuse for me letting this go on. You know how the truth sometimes hits you very hard in the middle of the night? Fourteen is way to young for life to start passing you by.So, I told my kids that today is the first day of the rest of their lives. One asked me what he was going to do--I told him that is up to him; I can't live his life for him.I'm glad I have the experience of one of my boys friend's mother. They had a daughter in gymnastics. At age 10, her coaches informed them that they wanted them to sign her up for 30 hours of practice/lessons per week. It was a wakeup call

to them. They decided this was way too unbalanced a life and took her out of gymnastics. What I'm thinking about is what the girl herself said. She said the first year out of gymnastics was very hard. She wasn't used to having any free time. She had no life. She said it took her a full year to really adjust, make friends, find things to do with herself, build a life. She learned a hard lesson young. Anyway, point being, I know it will take my boys some to get it together. I'm not expecting instant results.But I feel a huge relief, knowing I am doing the right thing.Anybody else been through this?

[Guest guest]

I am not so sure that this is such a good idea... I remember when my dad did this to me growing up, and the few friends that I had were across town (even when I was at my moms house my elementry school had a huge area so they lived like 2-3 miles away on the totally other end of it) Due to this it basically meant that I just had more time to get picked on every day by people I really didn't like, goodie for me. Beyond that when I was told to ride my bike (which I could NEVER do right) it was even more embarressing for me. After a while my brother learned he could blackmail me like this, so it just made me hate going to his house.

So basically before you do this, make sure that they both have plenty of friends that they can hang around with and do something with (playing by yourself gets boring after a while), make sure they are not going to just get picked on every time they leave the house, and make sure there actually will be fun things to do (and don't expect them to just think of what is fun to do). For example if the playground with basketball courts is out of convient walking distance, they probably won't want to walk it. Same thing with the most convient field, most convient pool (which they would probably be picked on endlessly for going to at their age, thats for 8 year olds), or whatever. So basically the point is, you could have just set them up for a big fall. Not to mention have you really considered what it means to play outside or even inside from 10 in the morning to 5 in the evening, with lunch being your only break, that is a LONG time for a kid, and you can get bored really quickly.

I would suggest that rather then just unplugging them you give them something else to do to have some fun. For the social NT unplugging can work, for the unsocial, probably bullied, aspie... I am not so sure. Give them a pool membership (just remember the risks), better yet get the whole family a membership, including yourselves. Start lessons of some sort, sports, musical, theater, whatever (heck get them a guitar, thats what my bro who I will explain more about later does in his free time). If they are already good at some sport see if theres anything they can do during the summer months with that, you might be suprised. If you have a local Y, get them a membership to that (or a whole family membership) so they do always have that place to play, just make sure that you will give them a ride whenever they need it (assuming they do). Point is, rather then saying, "No, you can not do this", sometimes it is more helpful to say, "Just take a little time out of your day and do this." They get a skill, (for example, my bros already a pretty good guitarist with a lot of bands at his school asking him to play for them), or a new potential passion, or whatever, they get out of the house more (what you are desiring), they probably interact with SOMEONE more, etc.

As for gymastics, my brother spends what seems like an ungodly amount of time, to me, playing basketball, but that is what it takes to get really good. When MJ went from not making the high school team, to becoming the greatest star of our generation, do you think he did it without practicing all the time, I doubt it. My bro is now being recruited to join AAU (kid/teen basketball teams) 3 states away, and has a full ride to a good college pretty much in his grasp, at the age of 14. The key is that he spends the other 40 awake hours a week doing what he loves (not to mention he still loves playing basketball, and has bowling, guitar, and of course his education in the background if he ever needs them.

From: me2ruth@...Date: Sat, 18 Jul 2009 17:45:56 +0000Subject: ( ) I unplugged my kids

Well, I've had enough guys. Actually, I didn't totally unplug my kids. On weekends and evenings, no computer and no TV until after supper. I work, and it is my husband's business what he wants to do weekdays.We've always limited our kids computer time, and we've never bought them game stations of any kind, but it just didn't work. We initially started letting them use the computer quite a bit when they were young because they were doing things we considered healthy. One used to do computer art and one used to do a lot of creative writing on the computer. They both used to do searches on topics that interested them. But the last couple of years, it has sort of degenerated into not much but internet game playing. They are very addicted. Even though we limit their time, they just live for their oomputer turns, and the time off the computer they want to spend vegging in front of the TV or sleeping. They spend all their allowance on online computer game subscriptions. The NT one used to be very social, but he isn't anymore--at least not outside school hours.Pretty creepy huh? My husband and I are getting very creeped out anyway, and sad. I sat there in bed last night, having gotten woken up, listening to them discuss whose turn ended when, and it hit me that this was crazy. There is just no excuse for me letting this go on. You know how the truth sometimes hits you very hard in the middle of the night? Fourteen is way to young for life to start passing you by.So, I told my kids that today is the first day of the rest of their lives. One asked me what he was going to do--I told him that is up to him; I can't live his life for him.I'm glad I have the experience of one of my boys friend's mother. They had a daughter in gymnastics. At age 10, her coaches informed them that they wanted them to sign her up for 30 hours of practice/lessons per week. It was a wakeup call to them. They decided this was way too unbalanced a life and took her out of gymnastics. What I'm thinking about is what the girl herself said. She said the first year out of gymnastics was very hard. She wasn't used to having any free time. She had no life. She said it took her a full year to really adjust, make friends, find things to do with herself, build a life. She learned a hard lesson young. Anyway, point being, I know it will take my boys some to get it together. I'm not expecting instant results.But I feel a huge relief, knowing I am doing the right thing.Anybody else been through this?

Windows Live™ Hotmail®: Celebrate the moment with your favorite sports pics. Check it out.

[Guest guest]

>

>

> I am not so sure that this is such a good idea...

, I'm really hearing you. Problem is, we tried just limiting the time and

suggesting other things when they weren't on it, and it didn't work. They are

just too addicted to the games. My 14yo with Asperger doesn't have any friends

and never goes outside. I know what you are talking about with the bullying,

because we went through that stage, but at 14 we are pretty much past that.

I also hear you regarding helping them find fun things to do--but what do you do

when they refuse to do anything? I somewhat know how this will go because we

are in the area hit by Hurricane Ike last year. We were without electricity and

school for two weeks. They still didn't go outside and find things to do, read,

go visit other kids or anything. They sat around being bored and refusing to do

anything different, just waiting for lights to come back on. The boredom didn't

motivate them any more to help with housework or help clean up the yard. They

didn't have much interest in the roof repair. They said they were so bored they

were happy to go back to school, and my Aspie actually invited himself to go

grocery shopping with me once, because he was so bored. I have also, in the

past, done things like had them try out all kinds of sports, gotten Y

memberships, found camps they liked, activities they liked--but after a certain

age they started refusing to do any of it. Point being, just like the friend's

gymnast daughter, I know it is going to take them a long time to figure out how

to have a life.

I agree that this may be a " big fall " for them, but I think what they put

together to get back up will be much better. After all, if they were addicted

to cocaine, would I keep them out of rehab because breaking the addiction is so

hard and I didn't have all the answers yet? Of course not.

Anyway, all this said, I think you have some great advice and I will keep it in

mind. It is difficult to find things for teenagers to do when they don't know

what they want to do, so I'm all ears for ideas. I've been thinking about the

things that I used to do around home when I was bored--my boys don't seem to

know how to fill time like this. They aren't interested in things like reading

the newspaper.

Something that puzzles me is that they weren't like this when they were younger.

They both had lots of imagination and never had problems coming up with things

to do. But now they do. I'm trying to figure out what the difference is. I

think part of it may be that they are worrying too much about what is socially

acceptable to the other kids, maybe unrealistically so, so they are ruling

everything out?

[Guest guest]

>

> I am going thru this right now....all my son wants to do is computer, text and

xbox.  His TSS said my son is so unmotivated.  This has been bothering me for a

long time....I think it is time to put limits on it too! I feel like I don't

even have a kid anymore...he has no imagination and everything bores him...so if

he isn't on one of the three ...he goes to sleep.

> Enough is enough...I am ready to throw the computer, xbox and cell phone

away. 

Have you decided what to do? I think it is great you have the TSS to help

brainstorm with (and your husband, of course). Keep us posted--I know a lot of

us need to figure this out.

> And, tonight we found out that he said unappropriate things while texting...he

claims that this older kid told him to do it otherwise he would come to the

house and beat him up. 

This is really scary! It is a hard thing to control, too, if you want your son

to have the phone for texting to legitimate friends.

> His father took the cell phone but gave it back and told him to apologize to

everyone.  He also told my son that he is going to check the phone whenever he

wants to make sure he is being appropriate. I guess we will have to check the

computer too. Ugh.

I can tell you from experience that monitoring your son more will help with the

off-limits sex stuff, but it won't help with the general addiction to " screens " ,

the passive approach to life, etc. We've always heavily monitored our sons, and

we don't have problems with any of this sex stuff, but they are as addicted as

they could be.

I'm sorry you are so depressed over this. I am too. I can't picture my

Asperger son living and working on his own at all as an adult; my NT son, I can,

but I can't see him having a successful marriage, or even good friendships with

guys, with these addictions of his. Which will also affect him at work. And I

can't figure out how to turn it around in any really meaningful way. Just

turning everything off is only the first step. Now what? I'm trying to find

things to interest them, like suggested, but I can see this is going to be

a very long-term process. I guess I need professional help, but I can't afford

that.

[Guest guest]

I just don't know about taking all electronics away. You liken it to cocaine, but people are addicted to food and they still have to eat, they just have to be able to limit what they put in their mouths. So I totally see what you are trying to say, but I don't think it's quite as black and white.

I think the hardest thing about limiting screen time is keeping track of how long they've been on. I get busy/distracted and don't remember. I'm great at it at first, but I slowly start allowing more and more time. This is especially difficult in the summer. But this string has just motivated me to get back on task and be better about keeping screen time to 4 hours each day. Split that from wake up until bedtime, and that should be sufficient. We play board games sometimes, which helps pass the time. He also likes to read, which helps.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: r_woman2 <me2ruth@...> Sent: Sunday, July 19, 2009 9:44:15 AMSubject: Re: ( ) I unplugged my kids

>> > I am not so sure that this is such a good idea... , I'm really hearing you. Problem is, we tried just limiting the time and suggesting other things when they weren't on it, and it didn't work. They are just too addicted to the games. My 14yo with Asperger doesn't have any friends and never goes outside. I know what you are talking about with the bullying, because we went through that stage, but at 14 we are pretty much past that. I also hear you regarding helping them find fun things to do--but what do you do when they refuse to do anything? I somewhat know how this will go because we are in the area hit by Hurricane Ike last year. We were without electricity and school for two weeks. They

still didn't go outside and find things to do, read, go visit other kids or anything. They sat around being bored and refusing to do anything different, just waiting for lights to come back on. The boredom didn't motivate them any more to help with housework or help clean up the yard. They didn't have much interest in the roof repair. They said they were so bored they were happy to go back to school, and my Aspie actually invited himself to go grocery shopping with me once, because he was so bored. I have also, in the past, done things like had them try out all kinds of sports, gotten Y memberships, found camps they liked, activities they liked--but after a certain age they started refusing to do any of it. Point being, just like the friend's gymnast daughter, I know it is going to take them a long time to figure out how to have a life.I agree that this may be a "big fall" for them, but I think what they put together to get back up will be much

better. After all, if they were addicted to cocaine, would I keep them out of rehab because breaking the addiction is so hard and I didn't have all the answers yet? Of course not.Anyway, all this said, I think you have some great advice and I will keep it in mind. It is difficult to find things for teenagers to do when they don't know what they want to do, so I'm all ears for ideas. I've been thinking about the things that I used to do around home when I was bored--my boys don't seem to know how to fill time like this. They aren't interested in things like reading the newspaper.Something that puzzles me is that they weren't like this when they were younger. They both had lots of imagination and never had problems coming up with things to do. But now they do. I'm trying to figure out what the difference is. I think part of it may be that they are worrying too much about what is socially acceptable to the other kids, maybe unrealistically

so, so they are ruling everything out?

[Guest guest]

, you advice is great, i too think you should limit time and break it up thru out the day, my son would have massive meltdowns if i were to take the computer time away. he doesnt mind if i only allow a 1/2hr or 1hr because he knows that there will be a chance to get back on later.we too do other things to fill the void, i dont believe that it is good for our kids to be so wrapped up in computer and video games or tv to the point that they dont want to do other things, personally i know nt kids who are like this and they are very rude to people and dont want to abide by rules, seem to think all that matters is videogames, computers and maybe even cell phones. but everyone is different and so we as parents must do what we think is best for our childor children.From: MacAllister <smacalli@...> Sent: Sunday, July 19, 2009 11:16:30 PMSubject: Re: ( ) I unplugged my kids

I just don't know about taking all electronics away. You liken it to cocaine, but people are addicted to food and they still have to eat, they just have to be able to limit what they put in their mouths. So I totally see what you are trying to say, but I don't think it's quite as black and white.

I think the hardest thing about limiting screen time is keeping track of how long they've been on. I get busy/distracted and don't remember. I'm great at it at first, but I slowly start allowing more and more time. This is especially difficult in the summer. But this string has just motivated me to get back on task and be better about keeping screen time to 4 hours each day. Split that from wake up until bedtime, and that should be sufficient. We play board games sometimes, which helps pass the time. He also likes to read, which helps.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: r_woman2 <me2ruth (DOT) com> Sent: Sunday, July 19, 2009 9:44:15 AMSubject: Re: ( ) I unplugged my kids

>> > I am not so sure that this is such a good idea... , I'm really hearing you. Problem is, we tried just limiting the time and suggesting other things when they weren't on it, and it didn't work. They are just too addicted to the games. My 14yo with Asperger doesn't have any friends and never goes outside. I know what you are talking about with the bullying, because we went through that stage, but at 14 we are pretty much past that. I also hear you regarding helping them find fun things to do--but what do you do when they refuse to do anything? I somewhat know how this will go because we are in the area hit by Hurricane Ike last year. We were without electricity and school for two weeks. They

still didn't go outside and find things to do, read, go visit other kids or anything. They sat around being bored and refusing to do anything different, just waiting for lights to come back on. The boredom didn't motivate them any more to help with housework or help clean up the yard. They didn't have much interest in the roof repair. They said they were so bored they were happy to go back to school, and my Aspie actually invited himself to go grocery shopping with me once, because he was so bored. I have also, in the past, done things like had them try out all kinds of sports, gotten Y memberships, found camps they liked, activities they liked--but after a certain age they started refusing to do any of it. Point being, just like the friend's gymnast daughter, I know it is going to take them a long time to figure out how to have a life.I agree that this may be a "big fall" for them, but I think what they put together to get back up will be much

better. After all, if they were addicted to cocaine, would I keep them out of rehab because breaking the addiction is so hard and I didn't have all the answers yet? Of course not.Anyway, all this said, I think you have some great advice and I will keep it in mind. It is difficult to find things for teenagers to do when they don't know what they want to do, so I'm all ears for ideas. I've been thinking about the things that I used to do around home when I was bored--my boys don't seem to know how to fill time like this. They aren't interested in things like reading the newspaper.Something that puzzles me is that they weren't like this when they were younger. They both had lots of imagination and never had problems coming up with things to do. But now they do. I'm trying to figure out what the difference is. I think part of it may be that they are worrying too much about what is socially acceptable to the other kids, maybe unrealistically

so, so they are ruling everything out?

[Guest guest]

>

> I just don't know about taking all electronics away.  You liken it to cocaine,

but people are addicted to food and they still have to eat, they just have to be

able to limit what they put in their mouths.  So I totally see what you are

trying to say, but I don't think it's quite as black and white.  

I didn't mean this quite as literally as you are taking it, which I'm sure is my

lack of communicating clearly. They still have their iPods and MP3 players,

which they can keep downloading off the computer. And I had them online last

night to order school clothes and shoes. And I'm sure their Dad will let them

on some while I'm at work. It is a lot harder for him since he is legally

blind. They can watch TV sometimes. Basically, we're just trying to break the

game addiction, and to a lesser extent the TV addiction, something I see you are

not familiar with. I would liken it more to a cocaine addiction than to an

eating disorder. Computer games are not something anyone " needs " . Sitting

around watching other people have lives on TV instead of living your own is not

something anyone " needs " . Once they break the addiction, we'll have to play it

by ear. It'll probably be time for school by then anyway. I don't know about

the games, but obviously it is okay to relax now and then and watch a TV show.

[Guest guest]

I can totally related to the whole addiction thing. My 12 year old is soooooo addicted and it really concerns me. He gets very angry when he can't play games. He is into Halo and I have decided to take his XBox privileges away until he can get it under control. I think it will be permanent though because he is soooo pleasant and engaging when he does not have game privileges and a very angry person when he does.

In a message dated 7/20/2009 11:39:16 A.M. Central Daylight Time, me2ruth@... writes:

>> I just don't know about taking all electronics away. You liken it to cocaine, but people are addicted to food and they still have to eat, they just have to be able to limit what they put in their mouths. So I totally see what you are trying to say, but I don't think it's quite as black and white. I didn't mean this quite as literally as you are taking it, which I'm sure is my lack of communicating clearly. They still have their iPods and MP3 players, which they can keep downloading off the computer. And I had them online last night to order school clothes and shoes. And I'm sure their Dad will let them on some while I'm at work. It is a lot harder for him since he is legally blind. They can watch TV sometimes. Basically, we're just trying to break the game addiction, and to a lesser extent the TV addiction, something I see you are not familiar with. I would liken it more to a cocaine addiction than to an eating disorder. Computer games are not something anyone "needs". Sitting around watching other people have lives on TV instead of living your own is not something anyone "needs". Once they break the addiction, we'll have to play it by ear. It'll probably be time for school by then anyway. I don't know about the games, but obviously it is okay to relax now and then and watch a TV show.

What's for dinner tonight? Find quick and easy dinner ideas for any occasion.

[Guest guest]

I hear you about not being able to keep track. I try to see that, hey,,,if the other kids want to watch a movie, what's wrong with him getting on the computer? I also say that if he's been on a lot in the morn, he's off in the aft. It sucks sometimes, cause it's hard for him to figure out what to do, sometimes. But,,,,like you said, maybe board games? Read? Bike? I sometimes have him bake something. He loves brownies and jumps at the chance to bake them.But,,,,,,,,,,he also paces and growls and continually asks when he can get back on at times, too. he he.

I've told him about the "seizure" issues with staring at games too long. He GOT that, cause he's really kinda freaky about medical things/germs, etc.

Robin

From: MacAllister <smacalli@...>Subject: Re: ( ) I unplugged my kids Date: Sunday, July 19, 2009, 10:16 PM

I just don't know about taking all electronics away. You liken it to cocaine, but people are addicted to food and they still have to eat, they just have to be able to limit what they put in their mouths. So I totally see what you are trying to say, but I don't think it's quite as black and white.

I think the hardest thing about limiting screen time is keeping track of how long they've been on. I get busy/distracted and don't remember. I'm great at it at first, but I slowly start allowing more and more time. This is especially difficult in the summer. But this string has just motivated me to get back on task and be better about keeping screen time to 4 hours each day. Split that from wake up until bedtime, and that should be sufficient. We play board games sometimes, which helps pass the time. He also likes to read, which helps.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: r_woman2 <me2ruth (DOT) com> Sent: Sunday, July 19, 2009 9:44:15 AMSubject: Re: ( ) I unplugged my kids

>> > I am not so sure that this is such a good idea... , I'm really hearing you. Problem is, we tried just limiting the time and suggesting other things when they weren't on it, and it didn't work. They are just too addicted to the games. My 14yo with Asperger doesn't have any friends and never goes outside. I know what you are talking about with the bullying, because we went through that stage, but at 14 we are pretty much past that. I also hear you regarding helping them find fun things to do--but what do you do when they refuse to do anything? I somewhat know how this will go because we are in the area hit by Hurricane Ike last year. We were without

electricity and school for two weeks. They still didn't go outside and find things to do, read, go visit other kids or anything. They sat around being bored and refusing to do anything different, just waiting for lights to come back on. The boredom didn't motivate them any more to help with housework or help clean up the yard. They didn't have much interest in the roof repair. They said they were so bored they were happy to go back to school, and my Aspie actually invited himself to go grocery shopping with me once, because he was so bored. I have also, in the past, done things like had them try out all kinds of sports, gotten Y memberships, found camps they liked, activities they liked--but after a certain age they started refusing to do any of it. Point being, just like the friend's gymnast daughter, I know it is going to take them a long time to figure out how to have a life.I agree that this may be a "big fall" for them, but I think what

they put together to get back up will be much better. After all, if they were addicted to cocaine, would I keep them out of rehab because breaking the addiction is so hard and I didn't have all the answers yet? Of course not.Anyway, all this said, I think you have some great advice and I will keep it in mind. It is difficult to find things for teenagers to do when they don't know what they want to do, so I'm all ears for ideas. I've been thinking about the things that I used to do around home when I was bored--my boys don't seem to know how to fill time like this. They aren't interested in things like reading the newspaper.Something that puzzles me is that they weren't like this when they were younger. They both had lots of imagination and never had problems coming up with things to do. But now they do. I'm trying to figure out what the difference is. I think part of it may be that they are worrying too much about what is socially

acceptable to the other kids, maybe unrealistically so, so they are ruling everything out?

[Guest guest]

I don't know if I would call my son a game addict but he is really into games. Taking it to the "addict" level is not something I'd want to label him. I put it all into the "screen" category (games, TV, computer, etc...) and try to limit screen time. What he wants to do during his screen time is his business (it can be all games if he chooses or a mixture of games and TV, whatever.) Maybe you can let them know after they've developed some other interests besides games, you'll negotiate some game time back in? That way they have something to look forward to and gives them hope which might help the transition? I totally have compassion for what you are trying to accomplish. I really do. I just think I'd go about it a bit differently. But our kids are different, we're different, so there's nothing wrong with taking different approaches.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: r_woman2 <me2ruth@...> Sent: Monday, July 20, 2009 8:12:35 AMSubject: Re: ( ) I unplugged my kids

>> I just don't know about taking all electronics away. You liken it to cocaine, but people are addicted to food and they still have to eat, they just have to be able to limit what they put in their mouths. So I totally see what you are trying to say, but I don't think it's quite as black and white. I didn't mean this quite as literally as you are taking it, which I'm sure is my lack of communicating clearly. They still have their iPods and MP3 players, which they can keep downloading off the computer. And I had them online last night to order school clothes and shoes. And I'm sure their Dad will let them on some while I'm at work. It is a lot harder for him since he is

legally blind. They can watch TV sometimes. Basically, we're just trying to break the game addiction, and to a lesser extent the TV addiction, something I see you are not familiar with. I would liken it more to a cocaine addiction than to an eating disorder. Computer games are not something anyone "needs". Sitting around watching other people have lives on TV instead of living your own is not something anyone "needs". Once they break the addiction, we'll have to play it by ear. It'll probably be time for school by then anyway. I don't know about the games, but obviously it is okay to relax now and then and watch a TV show.

[Guest guest]

Hi Ruth,

Just a thought on the computer issue, I have a program that I put on my sons

computer called " Computer Time " you can google it to get to the website. It

allows you to set limits on their use of the computer. What is really good

about this program is that you can limit them to a certain amount of time per

day but you can also set session limits and how much time must pass between

sessions. For example, I give my son 2 hours computer time per day. He can

play one hour but then he cannot log on again for at least a half an hour. You

can also issue " time tokens " in any increment if you want to reward them. You

can set up multiple users so your boys don't fight over the computer and each

user can have different limits. When time runs out the computer logs them out

and they cannot do anything more.

My son put up a little bit of a fuss when we first started using the program but

he adjusted very quickly. He knows how much time he has and he knows how long

he has to wait before he can go back. The program gives verbal and visual

warnings as the time gets close to being up so they are able to transition. The

time tokens are a really good motivation also.

The program for a single computer costs about 40.00 dollars. A family license

for multiple computers is about $50.00 It can be downloaded directly from the

internet.

Anyway, I really love this program so I thought I would share the info.

Vickie

> >

> >

> > I am not so sure that this is such a good idea...

>

> , I'm really hearing you. Problem is, we tried just limiting the time

and suggesting other things when they weren't on it, and it didn't work. They

are just too addicted to the games. My 14yo with Asperger doesn't have any

friends and never goes outside. I know what you are talking about with the

bullying, because we went through that stage, but at 14 we are pretty much past

that.

>

> I also hear you regarding helping them find fun things to do--but what do you

do when they refuse to do anything? I somewhat know how this will go because we

are in the area hit by Hurricane Ike last year. We were without electricity and

school for two weeks. They still didn't go outside and find things to do, read,

go visit other kids or anything. They sat around being bored and refusing to do

anything different, just waiting for lights to come back on. The boredom didn't

motivate them any more to help with housework or help clean up the yard. They

didn't have much interest in the roof repair. They said they were so bored they

were happy to go back to school, and my Aspie actually invited himself to go

grocery shopping with me once, because he was so bored. I have also, in the

past, done things like had them try out all kinds of sports, gotten Y

memberships, found camps they liked, activities they liked--but after a certain

age they started refusing to do any of it. Point being, just like the friend's

gymnast daughter, I know it is going to take them a long time to figure out how

to have a life.

>

> I agree that this may be a " big fall " for them, but I think what they put

together to get back up will be much better. After all, if they were addicted

to cocaine, would I keep them out of rehab because breaking the addiction is so

hard and I didn't have all the answers yet? Of course not.

>

> Anyway, all this said, I think you have some great advice and I will keep it

in mind. It is difficult to find things for teenagers to do when they don't

know what they want to do, so I'm all ears for ideas. I've been thinking about

the things that I used to do around home when I was bored--my boys don't seem to

know how to fill time like this. They aren't interested in things like reading

the newspaper.

>

> Something that puzzles me is that they weren't like this when they were

younger. They both had lots of imagination and never had problems coming up

with things to do. But now they do. I'm trying to figure out what the

difference is. I think part of it may be that they are worrying too much about

what is socially acceptable to the other kids, maybe unrealistically so, so they

are ruling everything out?

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Hi Ruth,

>

> Just a thought on the computer issue, I have a program that I put on my sons

computer called " Computer Time " you can google it to get to the website. It

allows you to set limits on their use of the computer.

This is a good thing to bring up. We've used many of these programs over the

years. Keeping track of our kids computer time or controlling it is actually

not a problem with us. We and the kids have lots of practice! It is the

addiction itself which is the problem. I would definitely recommend these

programs.

[Guest guest]

Man...My son is just like that!

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Theweaverfive@... <Theweaverfive@...>Subject: Re: ( ) I unplugged my kids Date: Monday, July 20, 2009, 2:07 PM

I can totally related to the whole addiction thing. My 12 year old is soooooo addicted and it really concerns me. He gets very angry when he can't play games. He is into Halo and I have decided to take his XBox privileges away until he can get it under control. I think it will be permanent though because he is soooo pleasant and engaging when he does not have game privileges and a very angry person when he does.

In a message dated 7/20/2009 11:39:16 A.M. Central Daylight Time, me2ruth (DOT) com writes:

>> I just don't know about taking all electronics away. You liken it to cocaine, but people are addicted to food and they still have to eat, they just have to be able to limit what they put in their mouths. So I totally see what you are trying to say, but I don't think it's quite as black and white. I didn't mean this quite as literally as you are taking it, which I'm sure is my lack of communicating clearly. They still have their iPods and MP3 players, which they can keep downloading off the computer. And I had them online last night to order school clothes and shoes. And I'm sure

their Dad will let them on some while I'm at work. It is a lot harder for him since he is legally blind. They can watch TV sometimes. Basically, we're just trying to break the game addiction, and to a lesser extent the TV addiction, something I see you are not familiar with. I would liken it more to a cocaine addiction than to an eating disorder. Computer games are not something anyone "needs". Sitting around watching other people have lives on TV instead of living your own is not something anyone "needs". Once they break the addiction, we'll have to play it by ear. It'll probably be time for school by then anyway. I don't know about the games, but obviously it is okay to relax now and then and watch a TV show.

What's for dinner tonight? Find quick and easy dinner ideas for any occasion.

[Guest guest]

I agree with you. Just saying, "Go play" is not a good thing for someone with AS/HFA. I know my own ds lacks the ability to organize his school work, let alone his activities or free time. He does better with structure and support. I know when we were kids, we DID disappear for the whole day and we were not bored! But we also rode all over the place - in town, out in the country...we joined ball teams and made forts in the creek, ran across the tressel...and my parents had no clue where we were really, which was pretty much the norm for our area anyway. Now a days, it is a different world and it is just not done anymore. But anyway, back to today, lol. I think if you don't like the time a kid is spending on something, then get them enrolled in a game, sport or other activity. Help them find things to do that are as interesting to them as the computer. It can be done without banning electronics really. If there was abuse going on - like Jan said her ds was texting inappropriately, then I would consider taking it away as a consequence for a period of time. But most kids with AS/HFA will not have a clue what to do if you just say, "Go find something to do." My own 12 yo ds (hfa) would start having an OCD/anxiety attack over it, "What can I do? I don't know what to do! I will never have anything to do20ever again!" and on and on he would go... It is easier to buy some modeling clay and say, "Hey, how about designing some new dice" (his current "thing to do"). Now he is off games and doing something with his hands as well.

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

( ) I unplugged my kids

Well, I've had enough guys. Actually, I didn't totally unplug my kids. On weekends and evenings, no computer and no TV until after supper. I work, and it is my husband's business what he wants to do weekdays.

We've always limited our kids computer time, and we've never bought them game stations of any kind, but it just didn't work. We initially started letting them use the computer quite a bit when they were young because they were doing things we considered healthy. One used to do computer art and one=2

0used to do a lot of creative writing on the computer. They both used to do searches on topics that interested them. But the last couple of years, it has sort of degenerated into not much but internet game playing. They are very addicted. Even though we limit their time, they just live for their oomputer turns, and the time off the computer they want to spend vegging in front of the TV or sleeping. They spend all their allowance on online computer game subscriptions. The NT one used to be very social, but he isn't anymore--at least not outside school hours.

Pretty creepy huh? My husband and I are getting very creeped out anyway, and sad. I sat there in bed last night, having gotten woken up, listening to them discuss whose turn ended when, and it hit me that this was crazy. There is just no excuse for me letting this go on. You know how the truth sometimes hits you very hard in the middle of the night? Fourteen is way to young for life to start passing you by.

So, I told my kids that today is the first day of the rest of their lives. One asked me what he was going to do--I told him that is up to him; I can't live his life for him.

I'm glad I have the experience of one of my boys friend's mother. They had a daughter in gymnastics. At age 10, her coaches informed them that they wanted them to sign her up for 30 hours of practice/lessons per week. It was a wakeup call to them. They decided this was way too unbalanced a life and too

k her out of gymnastics. What I'm thinking about is what the girl herself said. She said the first year out of gymnastics was very hard. She wasn't used to having any free time. She had no life. She said it took her a full year to really adjust, make friends, find things to do with herself, build a life. She learned a hard lesson young. Anyway, point being, I know it will take my boys some to get it together. I'm not expecting instant results.

But I feel a huge relief, knowing I am doing the right thing.

Anybody else been through this?

Windows Live™ Hotmail®: Celebrate the moment with your favorite sports pics. Check it out.

[Guest guest]

I don't tend to monitor time that they spend plugged in as much as just making sure they are doing what they are supposed to get done - bathing, helping with the chores, etc. My kids generally will go outside and ride bikes and play with other kids. Sometimes they will sit on the computer all day, then the next day, they are out playing all day. I think mine would obsess if I had to limit the time spent on the computer because they would have to use every second! And then worry about what to do without it if their time was used for the day. Right now, we just got my 12 yo ds a cell phone and he is rather addicted to the solitaire games on it. I mean, he is really REALLY addicted to playing the games. I will probably let it ride for a bit and it will will fizzle out. If it didn't, I would just start finding things he needs to do/get done and not focus on taking it away. Finding things that he can do but can't be on the phone at the same time is my goal.

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

Re: ( ) I unplugged my kids

>

>

> I am not so sure that this is such a good idea...

, I'm really hearing you. Problem is, we tried just limiting the time and suggesting other things when they weren't on it, and it didn't work. They are just too addicted to the games. My 14yo with Asperger doesn't have any friends and never goes outside. I know what you are talking about with the bullying, because we went through that stage, but at 14 we are pretty much past that.

I also hear you regarding helping them find fun things to do--but what do you do when they refuse to do anything? I somewhat know how this will go because we are in the area hit by Hurricane Ike last year. We were without electricity and school for two weeks. They

still didn't go outside and find things to do, read, go visit other kids or anything. They sat around being bored and refusing to do anything different, just waiting for lights to come back on. The boredom didn't motivate them any more to help with housework or help clean up the yard. They didn't have much interest in the roof repair. They said they were so bored they were happy to go back to school, and my Aspie actually invited himself to go grocery shopping with me once, because he was so bored. I have also, in the past, done things like had them try out all kinds of sports, gotten Y memberships, found camps they liked, activities they liked--but after a certain age they started refusing to do any of it. Point being, just like the friend's gymnast daughter, I know it is going to take them a long time to figure out how to have a life.

I agree that this may be a "big fall" for them, but I think what they put together to get back up will be much

better. After all, if they were addicted to cocaine, would I keep them out of rehab because breaking the addiction is so hard and I didn't have all the answers yet? Of course not.

Anyway, all this said, I think you have some great advice and I will keep it in mind. It is difficult to find things for teenagers to do when they don't know what they want to do, so I'm all ears for ideas. I've been thinking about the things that I used to do around home when I was bored--my boys don't seem to know how to fill time like this. They aren't interested in things like reading the newspaper.

Something that puzzles me is that they weren't like this when they were younger. They both had lots of imagination and never had problems coming up with things to do. But now they do. I'm trying to figure out what the difference is. I think part of it may be that they are worrying too much about what is socially acceptable to the other kids, maybe unrealistically

so, so they are ruling everything out?

A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!

[Guest guest]

Ohhh, maybe that's what you need, Ruth?

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

Re: ( ) I unplugged my kids

Hi Ruth,

Just a thought on the computer issue, I have a program that I put on my sons computer called "Computer Time" you can google it to get to the website. It allows you to set limits on their use of the computer. What is really good about this program is that you can limit them to a certain amount of time per day but you can also set session limits and how much time must pass between sessions. For example, I give my son 2 hours computer time per day. He can play one hour but then he cannot log on again for at least a half an hour. You can also issue "time tokens" in any increment if you want to reward them. You can set up multiple users so your boys don't fight over the computer and each user can have different limits. When time runs out the computer logs them out and they cannot do anything more.

My son put up a little bit of a fuss when we first started using the program but he adjusted very quickly. He knows how much time he has and he knows how long he has to wait before he can go back. The program gives verbal and visual warnings as the time gets close to being up so they are able to transition. The time tokens are a really good motivation also.

The program for a single computer costs about 40.00 dollars. A family license for multiple computers is about $50.00 It can be downloaded directly from the internet.

Anyway, I really love this program so I thought I would share the info.

Vickie

> >

> >

> > I am not so sure that this is such a good idea...

>

> , I'm really hearing you. Problem is, we tried just limiting the time and suggesting other things when they weren't on it, and it didn't work. They are just too addicted to the games. My 14yo with Asperger doesn't have any friends and never goes outside. I know what you are talking about with the bullying, because we went through that stage, but at 14 we are pretty much past that.

>

> I also hear you regarding helping them find fun things to do--but what do you do when they refuse to do anything? I somewhat know how this will go because we are in the area hit by Hurricane Ike last year. We were without electricity and school for two weeks. They still didn't go outside and find things to do, read, go visit other kids or anything. They sat around being bored and refusing to do anything different, just waiting for lights to come back on. The boredom didn't motivate them any more to help with housework or help clean up the yard. They didn't have much interest in the roof repair. They said they were so bored they were happy to go back to school, and my Aspie actually invited himself to go grocery shopping with me once, because he was so bored. I have also, in the past, done things like had them try out all kinds of sports, gotten Y memberships, found camps they liked, activities they liked--but after a certain age they started refusing to do any of it. Point being, just like the friend's gymnast daughter, I know it is going to take them a long time to figure out how to have a life.

>

> I agree that this may be a "big fall" for them, but I think what they put together to get back up will be much better. After all, if they were addicted to cocaine, would I keep them out of rehab because breaking the addiction is so hard and I didn't have all the answers yet? Of course not.

>

> Anyway, all this said, I think you have some great advice and I will keep it in mind. It is difficult to find things for teenagers to do when they don't know what they want to do, so I'm all ears for ideas. I've been thinking about the things that I used to do around home when I was bored--my boys don't seem to know how to fill time like this. They aren't interested in things like reading the newspaper.

>

> Something that puzzles me is that they weren't like this when they were younger. They both had lots of imagination and never had problems coming up with things to do. But now they do. I'm trying to figure out what the difference is. I think part of it may be that they are worrying too much about what is socially acceptable to the other kids, maybe unrealistically so, so they are ruling everything out?

>

A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!

[Guest guest]

I think part of it is the age.....when my son was younger...he played with thomas the tank, his batman, spiderman, cars and trucks and all sorts of things. He was never into leggos. But he would play for hours...acting scenes out. Then he used to watch WWE....and would act that out...he had the figures and would play with them. But now he is almost 14...teen....and teens don't do this ....so what do they do....it is not cool to read and he doesn't like reading....we live in the country.- mountains...eveyrone is far apart...our school district is so large ...some kids live 20 min. away. There is one boy in our neighborhood ...he is basically my son's bestfriend...but he has to babysit his younger brother and sister all the time. He can't come over a lot because of this. So, my son is limited socially. My son

also has jumpers knees which makes it hard for him to run...plus he has fears...he stopped playing baseball when the kids started pitching...he was afraid of being hit with the ball. He played soccer for a while but his knees hurt...and forget basketball..he can't dribble or run. He can ride a bike ...but it is not fun riding by yourself. So that doens't leave that much....when he plays Xbox...he plays live....he find tons of people to talk to ...he has played kids in Canada and Iceland....as well as florida and California. And you are right...he doesn't have to worry about the social scene. He seems to connect with the kids and he is good at it. So, yes, I can see why he plays. I just wish he didn't play as much. I am going to set some rules...like all chores are to be done first and he will start doing two math problems first before he can play.

Tonight he went out with his firends across the street ...it is his "big brother" and I am glad he is out ....

So I guess there are good things and bad things about computers and xbox and cell phones....and I am glad I read everyone's posts because it made me feel better ....my son is not the only one and it also helped my understand why are kids are more apt to be on them.

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...>Subject: Re: ( ) I unplugged my kids Date: Sunday, July 26, 2009, 7:21 PM

I don't tend to monitor time that they spend plugged in as much as just making sure they are doing what they are supposed to get done - bathing, helping with the chores, etc. My kids generally will go outside and ride bikes and play with other kids. Sometimes they will sit on the computer all day, then the next day, they are out playing all day. I think mine would obsess if I had to limit the time spent on the computer because they would have to use every second! And then worry about what to do without it if their time was used for the day. Right now, we just got my 12 yo ds a cell phone and he is rather addicted to the solitaire games on it. I mean, he is really REALLY addicted to playing the games. I will probably let it ride for a bit and it will will fizzle out. If it didn't, I would just start finding things he needs to do/get done and not focus on taking

it away. Finding things that he can do but can't be on the phone at the same time is my goal.

Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

Re: ( ) I unplugged my kids

>> > I am not so sure that this is such a good idea... , I'm really hearing you. Problem is, we tried just limiting the time and suggesting other things when they weren't on it, and it didn't work. They are just too addicted to the games. My 14yo with Asperger doesn't have any friends and never goes outside. I know what you are talking about with the bullying, because we went through that stage, but at 14 we are pretty much past that. I also hear you regarding helping them find fun things to do--but what do you do when they refuse to do anything? I somewhat know how this will go because we are in the area hit by Hurricane Ike last year. We were without

electricity and school for two weeks. They still didn't go outside and find things to do, read, go visit other kids or anything. They sat around being bored and refusing to do anything different, just waiting for lights to come back on. The boredom didn't motivate them any more to help with housework or help clean up the yard. They didn't have much interest in the roof repair. They said they were so bored they were happy to go back to school, and my Aspie actually invited himself to go grocery shopping with me once, because he was so bored. I have also, in the past, done things like had them try out all kinds of sports, gotten Y memberships, found camps they liked, activities they liked--but after a certain age they started refusing to do any of it. Point being, just like the friend's gymnast daughter, I know it is going to take them a long time to figure out how to have a life.I agree that this may be a "big fall" for them, but I think what

they put together to get back up will be much better. After all, if they were addicted to cocaine, would I keep them out of rehab because breaking the addiction is so hard and I didn't have all the answers yet? Of course not.Anyway, all this said, I think you have some great advice and I will keep it in mind. It is difficult to find things for teenagers to do when they don't know what they want to do, so I'm all ears for ideas. I've been thinking about the things that I used to do around home when I was bored--my boys don't seem to know how to fill time like this. They aren't interested in things like reading the newspaper.Something that puzzles me is that they weren't like this when they were younger. They both had lots of imagination and never had problems coming up with things to do. But now they do. I'm trying to figure out what the difference is. I think part of it may be that they are worrying too much about what is socially

acceptable to the other kids, maybe unrealistically so, so they are ruling everything out?

A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!

[Guest guest]

My unplugging did not last long....but he has been on and off. We joined a waterpark not far from the house and go there at least once a week. His TSS came the other day and they went bowling. He also sat outside today and talked to his friend who was skateboarding...so he is not on it all the time...but still a lot. But he is playing live and talking with others...so he is being social....and the kids his age are all on too. We live in a very rural area....you can't walk anywere or ride you bike. Friends are all 15-30 min. away. So this makes it difficult. And, in today's world we have to be so much more protective of our children.

So, I guess we are running down the middle of the road right now...ha ha...sometimes on and sometimes off.

jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...>Subject: Re: ( ) I unplugged my kids Date: Sunday, July 26, 2009, 7:06 PM

I agree with you. Just saying, "Go play" is not a good thing for someone with AS/HFA. I know my own ds lacks the ability to organize his school work, let alone his activities or free time. He does better with structure and support. I know when we were kids, we DID disappear for the whole day and we were not bored! But we also rode all over the place - in town, out in the country...we joined ball teams and made forts in the creek, ran across the tressel...and my parents had no clue where we were really, which was pretty much the norm for our area anyway. Now a days, it is a different world and it is just not done anymore. But anyway, back to today, lol. I think if you don't like the time a kid is spending on something, then get them enrolled in a game, sport or other activity. Help them find things to do

that are as interesting to them as the computer. It can be done without banning electronics really. If there was abuse going on - like Jan said her ds was texting inappropriately, then I would consider taking it away as a consequence for a period of time. But most kids with AS/HFA will not have a clue what to do if you just say, "Go find something to do." My own 12 yo ds (hfa) would start having an OCD/anxiety attack over it, "What can I do? I don't know what to do! I will never have anything to do20ever again!" and on and on he would go... It is easier to buy some modeling clay and say, "Hey, how about designing some new dice" (his current "thing to do"). Now he is off games and doing something with his hands as well.

Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

( ) I unplugged my kids

Well, I've had enough guys. Actually, I didn't totally unplug my kids. On weekends and evenings, no computer and no TV until after supper. I work, and it is my husband's business what he wants to do weekdays.We've always limited our kids computer time, and we've never bought them game stations of any kind, but it just didn't work. We initially started letting them use the computer quite a bit when they were young because they were doing things we considered healthy. One used to do computer art and one=2 0used to do a lot of creative writing on the computer. They both used to do searches on topics that interested them. But the last couple of years, it has sort of degenerated into not much but internet game playing. They are very addicted. Even though we limit their time, they just live for their oomputer turns, and the time off the computer they want to spend vegging in front of the TV or sleeping. They spend all their

allowance on online computer game subscriptions. The NT one used to be very social, but he isn't anymore--at least not outside school hours.Pretty creepy huh? My husband and I are getting very creeped out anyway, and sad. I sat there in bed last night, having gotten woken up, listening to them discuss whose turn ended when, and it hit me that this was crazy. There is just no excuse for me letting this go on. You know how the truth sometimes hits you very hard in the middle of the night? Fourteen is way to young for life to start passing you by.So, I told my kids that today is the first day of the rest of their lives. One asked me what he was going to do--I told him that is up to him; I can't live his life for him.I'm glad I have the experience of one of my boys friend's mother. They had a daughter in gymnastics. At age 10, her coaches informed them that they wanted them to sign her up for 30 hours of practice/lessons per week. It

was a wakeup call to them. They decided this was way too unbalanced a life and too k her out of gymnastics. What I'm thinking about is what the girl herself said. She said the first year out of gymnastics was very hard. She wasn't used to having any free time. She had no life. She said it took her a full year to really adjust, make friends, find things to do with herself, build a life. She learned a hard lesson young. Anyway, point being, I know it will take my boys some to get it together. I'm not expecting instant results.But I feel a huge relief, knowing I am doing the right thing.Anybody else been through this?

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[Guest guest]

>

> My unplugging did not last long....but he has been on and off.  We joined a

waterpark not far from the house and go there at least once a week.  His TSS

came the other day and they went bowling.  He also sat outside today and talked

to his friend who was skateboarding...so he is not on it all the time...but

still a lot.  But he is playing live and talking with others...so he is being

social....and the kids his age are all on too.

We (14yo twin boys, one AS, one NT) are still unplugged, although like I said,

it is not a total unplugging. I think our problem is different from most

the people who have spoken up. Although my kids used to do okay things on the

computer like creative things like searching up things of interest, creative

writing, art, they have degenerated into doing only addictive internet games.

It is what they spend their allowances on, and I don't want to yank their

allowance or tell them what they have to spend it on. What would be the point

of such an allowance?

I can't get either one to socialize at all or go anywhere on their own. Last

summer, the social one was out several hours every day with this friends. He

has been out once this whole summer, for about 2 hours. But they are starting

to talk a little more to us and each other since they've been unplugged. They

actually talk quite a bit to each other late at night in their room, watching

TV. That didn't happen when one of them was on the computer.

I have a very small budget, so I'm having a hard time thinking up things to do.

Going out to eat is a nice way to get them out, although it is still just with

us. When I have them go to church events, they don't socialize and just want to

come home. There are kids there they know and like, so it isn't that. We go a

very large church, one of the largest in the country in our denomination, with a

huge rec area, so it is not that it is boring.

Anyway, I'm going to try some of Jeff's suggestions and see where it goes. I

think this will be a gradual thing with them learning to connect more and more,

and getting more and more used to being in the real world. And us all learning

more and more how to communicate.

I'm having to " make " them go to this one-evening " camp " the high school has for

new students. I'm doing this because they were sick the day of the visit to the

jr high and they need to meet their counselor and see about all the clubs, etc.

The big thing is that there will be a dance at the end, which they very much

don't want to attend (still afraid of girls, I think). So, I told them they are

having the dance last, and they can call me to come get them and skip the dance.

They are having pizza right before, maybe that will loosen them up? We will

see.

My aspie said something strange to one of the evaluators at his school autism

evaluation this year. She was doing a stream of consciousness thing where she

would say a word and he would volunteer a word that " belonged " with that word.

When she said " home " , he said " safe " . I know, at his age, feeling safe is not

the first thing I would have thought of when I thought of " home " . I don't know

what to make of this. Does he feel so unsafe when he is not home, that this is

the first thing he thinks of? Is that why he won't go out? What about the

other one? They don't even want to go out into the yard. If they go out to pet

the cat or something, they don't go far and come right back in. Could they be

that scared of the world? I am wondering. They don't talk about it and have

never mentioned such a thing.

This leads me to our supposedly NT twin. We've been wondering about him for

years. In some ways, he seems worse than the AS one. But in other ways he is

so much more typical. For example, he responds to normal rewards and

punishments. And I meet his friends and they also seem very strange to me. I

think maybe the middle school years are just very strange for everyone and I

never noticed it in myself?

Anyway, that is where we are with the unplugging.

[Guest guest]

I am proud of you...it was too difficult...my son doesn't have a twin...so we do allow it...but he is social...very social...almost too social...he wants someone here 24/7.

As to what your son said....I can understand it totally. Home is safe. He doesn't have to put up with noise, other kids, lockers, teachers, new experiences, new feelings, no controls...and a million other things. He can be himself...he doesn't have to worry about what will happen next. So home is safe...a safe cozy warm haven...and I feel like that more and more...I was never a home body...but now, when I am done with work...I can't wait to get home. It is safe as far as I don't have to act, pretend. I can relax, put on different clothes...I can sing, dance or do whatever I want. So, if you think about it....the world is very difficult for our kids and thus home is a Safe haven.

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: r_woman2 <me2ruth@...>Subject: Re: ( ) I unplugged my kids Date: Saturday, August 1, 2009, 10:03 AM

>> My unplugging did not last long....but he has been on and off. We joined a waterpark not far from the house and go there at least once a week. His TSS came the other day and they went bowling. He also sat outside today and talked to his friend who was skateboarding. ..so he is not on it all the time...but still a lot. But he is playing live and talking with others...so he is being social....and the kids his age are all on too.We (14yo twin boys, one AS, one NT) are still unplugged, although like I said, it is not a total unplugging. I think our problem is different from most the people who have spoken up. Although my kids used to do okay

things on the computer like creative things like searching up things of interest, creative writing, art, they have degenerated into doing only addictive internet games. It is what they spend their allowances on, and I don't want to yank their allowance or tell them what they have to spend it on. What would be the point of such an allowance? I can't get either one to socialize at all or go anywhere on their own. Last summer, the social one was out several hours every day with this friends. He has been out once this whole summer, for about 2 hours. But they are starting to talk a little more to us and each other since they've been unplugged. They actually talk quite a bit to each other late at night in their room, watching TV. That didn't happen when one of them was on the computer. I have a very small budget, so I'm having a hard time thinking up things to do. Going out to eat is a nice way to get them out, although it is still

just with us. When I have them go to church events, they don't socialize and just want to come home. There are kids there they know and like, so it isn't that. We go a very large church, one of the largest in the country in our denomination, with a huge rec area, so it is not that it is boring. Anyway, I'm going to try some of Jeff's suggestions and see where it goes. I think this will be a gradual thing with them learning to connect more and more, and getting more and more used to being in the real world. And us all learning more and more how to communicate.I'm having to "make" them go to this one-evening "camp" the high school has for new students. I'm doing this because they were sick the day of the visit to the jr high and they need to meet their counselor and see about all the clubs, etc. The big thing is that there will be a dance at the end, which they very much don't want to attend (still afraid of girls, I think). So, I told

them they are having the dance last, and they can call me to come get them and skip the dance. They are having pizza right before, maybe that will loosen them up? We will see.My aspie said something strange to one of the evaluators at his school autism evaluation this year. She was doing a stream of consciousness thing where she would say a word and he would volunteer a word that "belonged" with that word. When she said "home", he said "safe". I know, at his age, feeling safe is not the first thing I would have thought of when I thought of "home". I don't know what to make of this. Does he feel so unsafe when he is not home, that this is the first thing he thinks of? Is that why he won't go out? What about the other one? They don't even want to go out into the yard. If they go out to pet the cat or something, they don't go far and come right back in. Could they be that scared of the world? I am wondering. They don't talk about it and have never

mentioned such a thing. This leads me to our supposedly NT twin. We've been wondering about him for years. In some ways, he seems worse than the AS one. But in other ways he is so much more typical. For example, he responds to normal rewards and punishments. And I meet his friends and they also seem very strange to me. I think maybe the middle school years are just very strange for everyone and I never noticed it in myself?Anyway, that is where we are with the unplugging.