RE: Re: Help bad day

February 2, 2010

Hey thanks for the good ideas. I am curious how old is your daughter? is 12 and seriously hitting puberty. Today we went back to the autism clinic and the behviorist from OSU, I'm in Ohio came with us. takes Tenex for hyperarousal he is also painfully adhd and Abilify. The doc upped his Abilify today and yes we are creatures of habitual routines. Out of curiosity what is the 30 minute chore for her if she hits you?? Right now my only option is time out in his room IF I can get him to his room. When he escalates to being out of control a basket hold is my option when I am alone with him. Thanks for your input I can use all the ideas that I can get.

Marcia

( ) Re: Help bad day

Does he take rispedal or a medication like that? My daughter too has outbursts and hits me. What a way to live. I have been told by our

neuropsychologist that she should be on a medication for this

like a very low dose of rispedal. We are working on trying to

increase her zoloft.

I am working with a behaviorist from Yale and we have a 30 minute

chore in place for her hitting me. I don't like the explosive

child strategies for my very ridgid rule based daughter.

The more I am flexible the more she wants to rule me.

It has worked better for us to use a strict daily routine.

And positive reinforcements.

In your case I would have a schedule that is reviewed with your son on his time for bed and sleep. If he gets up before that he can stay in bed and read that is it. There needs to be a conseq for him getting out of bed. It can be small like he doesn't earn 30 min of TV (not all of his TV though).

We have shaped a lot of behavior with Yale's help. But there are

still this horrible meltdowns once every week or two.

I wish other's would let us know how rispedal may have helped in this area.

Pam

>

> My son woke me up at 3:30am wanting to start his day when I told him to go back to bed a fight ensued and I got my clothes ripped my face scratched and scratches all over my upper body. I immediatley gave him his meds which eventually helped but I can't seem to get over the depression I hav and anger of these violent outbursts. Someone suggested a book called the Expolosive Child and I got the book today but I am in such a funk about all the pressures I have bieng a single parent I can't concentrate on anything. I see my own doctor on Monday and we go to the autism clinic on Tuesday. Does anyone else have these violent outbursts from their children, I have had to call the police on several occassions to get him to respond to time out even. The police officers have told me I am a victum of domestic violence.

>

February 4, 2010

Wow what a story…. It’s still hard for me to believe that we

get married and are so in love and happy and want a family etc and in the next

picture the ex is asking you to change your name, never to come near “his”

family again and gives us rights to his child. All of this because his child

has AS. What a selfish pig. Hopefully there’s a ton of money included in this

payoff? Not worth it to you otherwise.

Namaste

Dawn in Tucson

From:

[mailto: ] On

Behalf Of itsbetsy

Sent: Wednesday, February 03, 2010 1:54 AM

Subject: ( ) Re: Help bad day

Man....have I needed this group. Reading your

posts makes me not feel so alone. I'm a single Mom of , age 15. She was

diagnosed in second grade and I moved to a district known for their special ed

program. The shuffled her from program to program and she ended up in psych

facilities 3 times due to bullying. I got her into therapy through the county

and it was GREAT. They came into my home and taught both of us so much. Her Dad

and I have been divorced since 2000 and been very civil. He's had her on Weds

Thurs and Fri nights. I began having some health problems starting with a

diagnosis of a form of Rheumatoid Arthritis in Dec of 05. Began an injectible

med when it became difficult for me to walk. The med put me into remission and

I was back to work for 6 weeks but then began having neuro problems. The

doctors determined that I'd had a mini stroke but 3 months after that

hospitalization I became legally blind. A year and 3 months later it was

discovered that I had MS. That was in March of 08. Suddenly, I had to walk my

talk. I have always told that she has Asperger's but it does not have to

have her. She is a ready participant in therapy and a good student but she has

a history of throwing things and screaming when she gets home from school or

when she gets home from her Dad's. She was in a residential school in Feb of 09

for 5 weeks. When she came home the first time and was complaining of a back

ache from the dorm supervisor, I did not send her back. I requested a tutor

until the district could come up with an alternative placement and they refused

so I had to home school her. I moved to another county when I discovered they

had an Aspie Program in the county. She is there now and it's going to work.

But her father had enjoyed his taste of freedom when she was in the residential

place and out of the blue, a week before was to start the new school, he

filed suit for full custody on the basis of my MS. And I'm in remission and

have the least aggressive form of the disease. It's been a nightmare.

has refused to go to his house. I've never spoken badly about him and still

won't. But I've discovered that the stress of having to live with him was a

cause of her outbursts when she got back to my place. I won't go into it other

than to say he cannot connect emotionally. Her new psychiatrist

pointed this out to him and he was not happy with being told how to

parent. I ended up in the hospital for a bladder infection and the

judge gave him temporary sole custody. After one week with her, he actually

told the judge that he could not handle her and wanted to put her in a foster

home. The judge still sent her back to his home. This weekend he told me he

does not want her. He sent my attorney a proposal and it was faxed to me this morning.

He wants to give me sole custody. He wants neither of us to contact her

family...Grandmother, cousins, aunts and uncles unless she calls him and asks

if she can. He will not call her ever and I am not to communicate with him in

any way. He is paying for us to change our last names. At first the law

guardian fell for his charms. I calmly told her that she'd understand in the

end. Boy does she understand now. So I'll be in court Thursday and hopefully

get my girl back. We are in a program through the county that is for families

in trauma. They come to the home and it's great. We will be ok. We are very

close. But yes....she yells to let it all out. I told her I'm going to call her

Mays. lol. She laughed too and told me to go for it. She's very remorseful

afterwards. What we are doing in therapy is that I'm acknowledging that she

needs to vent but we are teaching her another way to do it. She can come home

and put her face in a pillow and scream her lungs out. We have a work sheet to

work through after a meltdown that I wish to goodness I'd had years ago. I can

PDF it and post it if anyone is interested. I rely on the s Law news

letter for information and the Oasis Asperger's site. You can even look at

sample IEPs there. I am trying to start doing things for me too. Commission for

the Blind is going to send me to Life Coach school at no cost to me. They will

even pay for transportation into NYC the 4 times a year I have to go to class

for 3 days from 9-5. I am hopeful for the future but man have we been through

it. I am looking forward to getting to know you and learning and growing

through this group. I've been lurking and reading and finally decided to jump

in. Blessings, -Betsy

>

> Yes I have a behaviorist and she works with me more than my child. He is

12 and we are going to the autism clinic tomorrow. Thanks for writing I will

talk to her about working with him more she will be at the appt.

>

> Marcia

>

> ( ) Help bad day

>

> My son woke me up at 3:30am wanting to start his day when I told him to go

back to bed a fight ensued and I got my clothes ripped my face scratched and

scratches all over my upper body. I immediatley gave him his meds which

eventually helped but I can't seem to get over the depression I hav and anger

of these violent outbursts. Someone suggested a book called the Expolosive

Child and I got the book today but I am in such a funk about all the pressures

I have bieng a single parent I can't concentrate on anything. I see my own

doctor on Monday and we go to the autism clinic on Tuesday. Does anyone else

have these violent outbursts from their children, I have had to call the police

on several occassions to get him to respond to time out even. The police

officers have told me I am a victum of domestic violence.

>

February 4, 2010

Betsy,,,,,

All I can say is that I'm humbled by your strength. Nice to "meet" you.

It really is simple. Just treat others kindly and with respect.

Robin

From: itsbetsy <itsbetsy@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Help bad day Date: Wednesday, February 3, 2010, 2:54 AM

Man....have I needed this group. Reading your posts makes me not feel so alone. I'm a single Mom of , age 15. She was diagnosed in second grade and I moved to a district known for their special ed program. The shuffled her from program to program and she ended up in psych facilities 3 times due to bullying. I got her into therapy through the county and it was GREAT. They came into my home and taught both of us so much. Her Dad and I have been divorced since 2000 and been very civil. He's had her on Weds Thurs and Fri nights. I began having some health problems starting with a diagnosis of a form of Rheumatoid Arthritis in Dec of 05. Began an injectible med when it became difficult for me to walk. The med put me into remission and I was back to work for 6 weeks but then began having neuro problems. The doctors determined that I'd had a mini stroke but 3 months after that hospitalization I became legally blind. A year and 3 months later it was

discovered that I had MS. That was in March of 08. Suddenly, I had to walk my talk. I have always told that she has Asperger's but it does not have to have her. She is a ready participant in therapy and a good student but she has a history of throwing things and screaming when she gets home from school or when she gets home from her Dad's. She was in a residential school in Feb of 09 for 5 weeks. When she came home the first time and was complaining of a back ache from the dorm supervisor, I did not send her back. I requested a tutor until the district could come up with an alternative placement and they refused so I had to home school her. I moved to another county when I discovered they had an Aspie Program in the county. She is there now and it's going to work. But her father had enjoyed his taste of freedom when she was in the residential place and out of the blue, a week before was to start the new school, he filed suit for full

custody on the basis of my MS. And I'm in remission and have the least aggressive form of the disease. It's been a nightmare. has refused to go to his house. I've never spoken badly about him and still won't. But I've discovered that the stress of having to live with him was a cause of her outbursts when she got back to my place. I won't go into it other than to say he cannot connect emotionally. Her new psychiatrist pointed this out to him and he was not happy with being told how to parent. I ended up in the hospital for a bladder infection and the judge gave him temporary sole custody. After one week with her, he actually told the judge that he could not handle her and wanted to put her in a foster home. The judge still sent her back to his home. This weekend he told me he does not want her. He sent my attorney a proposal and it was faxed to me this morning. He wants to give me sole custody. He wants neither of us to contact her

family...Grandmothe r, cousins, aunts and uncles unless she calls him and asks if she can. He will not call her ever and I am not to communicate with him in any way. He is paying for us to change our last names. At first the law guardian fell for his charms. I calmly told her that she'd understand in the end. Boy does she understand now. So I'll be in court Thursday and hopefully get my girl back. We are in a program through the county that is for families in trauma. They come to the home and it's great. We will be ok. We are very close. But yes....she yells to let it all out. I told her I'm going to call her Mays. lol. She laughed too and told me to go for it. She's very remorseful afterwards. What we are doing in therapy is that I'm acknowledging that she needs to vent but we are teaching her another way to do it. She can come home and put her face in a pillow and scream her lungs out. We have a work sheet to work through after a meltdown that I

wish to goodness I'd had years ago. I can PDF it and post it if anyone is interested. I rely on the s Law news letter for information and the Oasis Asperger's site. You can even look at sample IEPs there. I am trying to start doing things for me too. Commission for the Blind is going to send me to Life Coach school at no cost to me. They will even pay for transportation into NYC the 4 times a year I have to go to class for 3 days from 9-5. I am hopeful for the future but man have we been through it. I am looking forward to getting to know you and learning and growing through this group. I've been lurking and reading and finally decided to jump in. Blessings, -Betsy>> > Yes I have a

behaviorist and she works with me more than my child. He is 12 and we are going to the autism clinic tomorrow. Thanks for writing I will talk to her about working with him more she will be at the appt.> > Marcia> > > > > > > > > ( ) Help bad day> > > My son woke me up at 3:30am wanting to start his day when I told him to go back to bed a fight ensued and I got my clothes ripped my face scratched and scratches all over my upper body. I immediatley gave him his meds which eventually helped but I can't seem to get over the depression I hav and anger of these violent outbursts. Someone suggested a book called the Expolosive Child and I got

the book today but I am in such a funk about all the pressures I have bieng a single parent I can't concentrate on anything. I see my own doctor on Monday and we go to the autism clinic on Tuesday. Does anyone else have these violent outbursts from their children, I have had to call the police on several occassions to get him to respond to time out even. The police officers have told me I am a victum of domestic violence.>

February 5, 2010

I can believe it. Although my son was adopted by me & my ex, I have a similar story. We adopted this child when he was five years old, knowing that he had special needs. After about a year and a half he told me that our son was mine & he wanted nothing more to do with him. He said that he has more significant needs than he expected. He told me that if our daughter who was 13yo could not watch him then he would have to go everywhere with me because he would not care for him. This & a few other issues led me to leave & we divorced. I changed my name immediately to my maiden name. Although we had been married 26 years I did not want the name if such a creep!! Three years later when I remarried my ex-husband suggested that it might be best ify son had the same last name as me. So, he terminated his parental rights & my husband adopted my son. Life has been much better since then. It would be even better if we did not have to interact at all, but we have two adult children that we adopted together as infants. We also have a grandson & so we are often at birthday parties, holiday gatherings that our daughter invites us both to. We try to maintain a civil relationship. Sent from my iPhoneBlessings, DonnaOn Feb 5, 2010, at 9:53 AM, "social.buterfly@..." <social.buterfly@...> wrote:

Wow! I am just floored that a parent could or would do that to his child. It's not even about the abandonment but totally trying to cut her our of his life after trying to get full custody. Talk about extreme. My ex is no piece of cake and has some pretty major issues when it comes to our children but I still can't see him ever getting bad enough to completely cut ties with his own child.Ok...so not to discount being rid of this man...but I don't see anything regarding financial support of his child. Is he trying to cut ties so that he will not have to support her financially? My ex tried a few of those tricks during our divorce. Tried to get custody so he wouldn't have to pay then talked about giving me sole custody as long as he didn't have to pay child

support. Most states do not allow that sort of thing though.And changing your name?? I get you changing yours because a lot of women do that but your daughter changing hers? Seriously??On a side note. Could you send that PDF to me? I'm wondering if it might help me with Ty and his outbursts. You can email it to me privately- social.buterfly Thanks and hang in there! Kudos to you for being such a terrific and involved mom! Your daughter is obviously very lucky to have you in her life.GabiFrom:

[mailto:AspergersSu pport@group s.com] On