Re: Help bad day

January 30, 2010

How old is he?From: marciawho_01 <marcial7777@...> Sent: Sat, January 30, 2010 4:06:48 PMSubject: ( ) Help bad day

My son woke me up at 3:30am wanting to start his day when I told him to go back to bed a fight ensued and I got my clothes ripped my face scratched and scratches all over my upper body. I immediatley gave him his meds which eventually helped but I can't seem to get over the depression I hav and anger of these violent outbursts. Someone suggested a book called the Expolosive Child and I got the book today but I am in such a funk about all the pressures I have bieng a single parent I can't concentrate on anything. I see my own doctor on Monday and we go to the autism clinic on Tuesday. Does anyone else have these violent outbursts from their children, I have had to call the police on several occassions to get him to respond to time out even. The police officers have told me I am a victum of domestic violence.

January 31, 2010

Yes, my son used to have violent outbursts. He rarely has them now. The Explosive Child is a good book and does address this.

What state are you in? Can you get a behavioral specialist or therapeutic specialist who can come to your home to work with your child? Reggi Levinreggi@...

From: marciawho_01 <marcial7777@...> Sent: Sat, January 30, 2010 5:06:48 PMSubject: ( ) Help bad day

My son woke me up at 3:30am wanting to start his day when I told him to go back to bed a fight ensued and I got my clothes ripped my face scratched and scratches all over my upper body. I immediatley gave him his meds which eventually helped but I can't seem to get over the depression I hav and anger of these violent outbursts. Someone suggested a book called the Expolosive Child and I got the book today but I am in such a funk about all the pressures I have bieng a single parent I can't concentrate on anything. I see my own doctor on Monday and we go to the autism clinic on Tuesday. Does anyone else have these violent outbursts from their children, I have had to call the police on several occassions to get him to respond to time out even. The police officers have told me I am a victum of domestic violence.

January 31, 2010

How scary for you. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm a single mom too, but my son would never do anything like this to me. I'm assuming there is some other type of diagnosis for your son, right? I would be surprised if that were not the case b/c I've been on this listserv and read enough to know this isn't "typical" behavior for a child with Aspergers.

I think where we all run into more challenges is when our children have another diagnosis and maybe the traditional way of dealing with that disorder/challenge doesn't work as quickly or as well as they might for a child without the additional Aspergers label. That's what it seems like, at least.

How old is your son? Can you talk about this now that the fight was over? Until you can get some professional help on how to best handle this in the future, I might tell him what his options are if he wakes up earlier than you in the future. If you don't want him waking up others in the home, tell him 2 things he can do quietly? I'm not sure this suggestion would work, but I guess it might be good to approach it like that until you get some help from your doc and his? Of course, if you think this could trigger another physical altercation, I wouldn't try it. Bless you lady. I hope the docs on Monday and Tuesday have some answers for you.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: marciawho_01 <marcial7777@...> Sent: Sat, January 30, 2010 4:06:48 PMSubject: ( ) Help bad day

My son woke me up at 3:30am wanting to start his day when I told him to go back to bed a fight ensued and I got my clothes ripped my face scratched and scratches all over my upper body. I immediatley gave him his meds which eventually helped but I can't seem to get over the depression I hav and anger of these violent outbursts. Someone suggested a book called the Expolosive Child and I got the book today but I am in such a funk about all the pressures I have bieng a single parent I can't concentrate on anything. I see my own doctor on Monday and we go to the autism clinic on Tuesday. Does anyone else have these violent outbursts from their children, I have had to call the police on several occassions to get him to respond to time out even. The police officers have told me I am a victum of domestic violence.

January 31, 2010

Hi!

My son can get violent...but not at me...he will throw things, punched things, hit the wall, etc. I think it is out of such fustration and they can't handle it. You son probably just could not stand the fact that it was not the beginning of the day as he thought...routines...

My heart goes out to you ....try to talk to him later when everyone is calm. Talk to your doctor and to the clinic. I usually tell me son to go to his room until he can be "human" again. If he breaks something ...I don't replace it. If he punches a hole in the wall...I make him fix it with his father. And, if he breaks something of mine....I make him pay for it. But my son is 14 and I don't know how old you son is.

Hang in there ...and read when you can focus. Take a break...sit and try to relax...watch a movie, read a good book, go for a walk, sit and relax with a nice cup of coffee. Do something for yourself. And, remember, it is not you....and your son is not doing this on purpose....

Jan

Janice Rushen

& nbsp;

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: MacAllister <smacalli@...> Sent: Sun, January 31, 2010 12:19:47 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Help bad day

How scary for you. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm a single mom too, but my son would never do anything like this to me. I'm assuming there is some other type of diagnosis for your son, right? I would be surprised if that were not the case b/c I've been on this listserv and read enough to know this isn't "typical" behavior for a child with Aspergers.

I think where we all run into more challenges is when our children have another diagnosis and maybe the traditional way of dealing with that disorder/challenge doesn't work as quickly or as well as they might for a child without the additional Aspergers label. That's what it seems like, at least.

How old is your son? Can you talk about this now that the fight was over? Until you can get some professional help on how to best handle this in the future, I might tell him what his options are if he wakes up earlier than you in the future. If you don't want him waking up others in the home, tell him 2 things he can do quietly? I'm not sure this suggestion would work, but I guess it might be good to approach it like that until you get some help from your doc and his? Of course, if you think this could trigger another physical altercation, I wouldn't try it. Bless you lady. I hope the docs on Monday and Tuesday have some answers for you.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: marciawho_01 <marcial7777@ aol.com> Sent: Sat, January 30, 2010 4:06:48 PMSubject: ( ) Help bad day

My son woke me up at 3:30am wanting to start his day when I told him to go back to bed a fight ensued and I got my clothes ripped my face scratched and scratches all over my upper body. I immediatley gave him his meds which eventually helped but I can't seem to get over the depression I hav and anger of these violent outbursts. Someone suggested a book called the Expolosive Child and I got the book today but I am in such a funk about all the pressures I have bieng a single parent I can't concentrate on anything. I see my own doctor on Monday and we go to the autism clinic on Tuesday. Does anyone else have these violent outbursts from their children, I have had to call the police on several occassions to get him to respond to time out even. The police officers have told me I am a victum of domestic violence.

February 1, 2010

He is 12 and we have an appt. at the autism clinic tomorrow.

Marcia

( ) Help bad day

My son woke me up at 3:30am wanting to start his day when I told him to go back to bed a fight ensued and I got my clothes ripped my face scratched and scratches all over my upper body. I immediatley gave him his meds which eventually helped but I can't seem to get over the depression I hav and anger of these violent outbursts. Someone suggested a book called the Expolosive Child and I got the book today but I am in such a funk about all the pressures I have bieng a single parent I can't concentrate on anything. I see my own doctor on Monday and we go to the autism clinic on Tuesday. Does anyone else have these violent outbursts from their children, I have had to call the police on several occassions to get him to respond to time out even. The police officers have told me I am a victum of domestic violence.

February 1, 2010

Thank you Jan, I havent had many people write with the experiances of violence like my son, 99% of the time he is a complete sweetheart. It's just when he's told no that he goes into a fit of rage. He is 12 and pushing me and pulling my hair is getting scarey because he can almost knock me down. We go to the autism clinic tomorrow. Also they say my son is mildly MR and I know he is DD because of the low muscle tone, he does get remorseful after a fit but cannot seem to help himself. I will try and take your advice about doing something for myself but I ama single parent and I am searching for a job and paniced about our financial situation so its hard to do anything but attend church on a regualr basis, it seems to get me thru my week. Thanks for writing.

Marcia

( ) Help bad day

My son woke me up at 3:30am wanting to start his day when I told him to go back to bed a fight ensued and I got my clothes ripped my face scratched and scratches all over my upper body. I immediatley gave him his meds which eventually helped but I can't seem to get over the depression I hav and anger of these violent outbursts. Someone suggested a book called the Expolosive Child and I got the book today but I am in such a funk about all the pressures I have bieng a single parent I can't concentrate on anything. I see my own doctor on Monday and we go to the autism clinic on Tuesday. Does anyone else have these violent outbursts from their children, I have had to call the police on several occassions to get him to respond to time out even. The police officers have told me I am a victum of domestic violence.

February 1, 2010

Yes I have a behaviorist and she works with me more than my child. He is 12 and we are going to the autism clinic tomorrow. Thanks for writing I will talk to her about working with him more she will be at the appt.

Marcia

( ) Help bad day

My son woke me up at 3:30am wanting to start his day when I told him to go back to bed a fight ensued and I got my clothes ripped my face scratched and scratches all over my upper body. I immediatley gave him his meds which eventually helped but I can't seem to get over the depression I hav and anger of these violent outbursts. Someone suggested a book called the Expolosive Child and I got the book today but I am in such a funk about all the pressures I have bieng a single parent I can't concentrate on anything. I see my own doctor on Monday and we go to the autism clinic on Tuesday. Does anyone else have these violent outbursts from their children, I have had to call the police on several occassions to get him to respond to time out even. The police officers have told me I am a victum of domestic violence.

February 2, 2010

Does he take rispedal or a medication like that? My daughter too has outbursts

and hits me. What a way to live. I have been told by our

neuropsychologist that she should be on a medication for this

like a very low dose of rispedal. We are working on trying to

increase her zoloft.

I am working with a behaviorist from Yale and we have a 30 minute

chore in place for her hitting me. I don't like the explosive

child strategies for my very ridgid rule based daughter.

The more I am flexible the more she wants to rule me.

It has worked better for us to use a strict daily routine.

And positive reinforcements.

In your case I would have a schedule that is reviewed with your son on his time

for bed and sleep. If he gets up before that he can stay in bed and read that is

it. There needs to be a conseq for him getting out of bed. It can be small like

he doesn't earn 30 min of TV (not all of his TV though).

We have shaped a lot of behavior with Yale's help. But there are

still this horrible meltdowns once every week or two.

I wish other's would let us know how rispedal may have helped in this area.

Pam

>

> My son woke me up at 3:30am wanting to start his day when I told him to go

back to bed a fight ensued and I got my clothes ripped my face scratched and

scratches all over my upper body. I immediatley gave him his meds which

eventually helped but I can't seem to get over the depression I hav and anger of

these violent outbursts. Someone suggested a book called the Expolosive Child

and I got the book today but I am in such a funk about all the pressures I have

bieng a single parent I can't concentrate on anything. I see my own doctor on

Monday and we go to the autism clinic on Tuesday. Does anyone else have these

violent outbursts from their children, I have had to call the police on several

occassions to get him to respond to time out even. The police officers have

told me I am a victum of domestic violence.

>

February 3, 2010

Man....have I needed this group. Reading your posts makes me not feel so alone.

I'm a single Mom of , age 15. She was diagnosed in second grade and I

moved to a district known for their special ed program. The shuffled her from

program to program and she ended up in psych facilities 3 times due to bullying.

I got her into therapy through the county and it was GREAT. They came into my

home and taught both of us so much. Her Dad and I have been divorced since 2000

and been very civil. He's had her on Weds Thurs and Fri nights. I began having

some health problems starting with a diagnosis of a form of Rheumatoid Arthritis

in Dec of 05. Began an injectible med when it became difficult for me to walk.

The med put me into remission and I was back to work for 6 weeks but then began

having neuro problems. The doctors determined that I'd had a mini stroke but 3

months after that hospitalization I became legally blind. A year and 3 months

later it was discovered that I had MS. That was in March of 08. Suddenly, I had

to walk my talk. I have always told that she has Asperger's but it does

not have to have her. She is a ready participant in therapy and a good student

but she has a history of throwing things and screaming when she gets home from

school or when she gets home from her Dad's. She was in a residential school in

Feb of 09 for 5 weeks. When she came home the first time and was complaining of

a back ache from the dorm supervisor, I did not send her back. I requested a

tutor until the district could come up with an alternative placement and they

refused so I had to home school her. I moved to another county when I discovered

they had an Aspie Program in the county. She is there now and it's going to

work. But her father had enjoyed his taste of freedom when she was in the

residential place and out of the blue, a week before was to start the new

school, he filed suit for full custody on the basis of my MS. And I'm in

remission and have the least aggressive form of the disease. It's been a

nightmare. has refused to go to his house. I've never spoken badly about

him and still won't. But I've discovered that the stress of having to live with

him was a cause of her outbursts when she got back to my place. I won't go into

it other than to say he cannot connect emotionally. Her new psychiatrist

pointed this out to him and he was not happy with being told how to

parent. I ended up in the hospital for a bladder infection and the

judge gave him temporary sole custody. After one week with her, he actually told

the judge that he could not handle her and wanted to put her in a foster home.

The judge still sent her back to his home. This weekend he told me he does not

want her. He sent my attorney a proposal and it was faxed to me this morning. He

wants to give me sole custody. He wants neither of us to contact her

family...Grandmother, cousins, aunts and uncles unless she calls him and asks if

she can. He will not call her ever and I am not to communicate with him in any

way. He is paying for us to change our last names. At first the law guardian

fell for his charms. I calmly told her that she'd understand in the end. Boy

does she understand now. So I'll be in court Thursday and hopefully get my girl

back. We are in a program through the county that is for families in trauma.

They come to the home and it's great. We will be ok. We are very close. But

yes....she yells to let it all out. I told her I'm going to call her Mays.

lol. She laughed too and told me to go for it. She's very remorseful afterwards.

What we are doing in therapy is that I'm acknowledging that she needs to vent

but we are teaching her another way to do it. She can come home and put her face

in a pillow and scream her lungs out. We have a work sheet to work through after

a meltdown that I wish to goodness I'd had years ago. I can PDF it and post it

if anyone is interested. I rely on the s Law news letter for information

and the Oasis Asperger's site. You can even look at sample IEPs there. I am

trying to start doing things for me too. Commission for the Blind is going to

send me to Life Coach school at no cost to me. They will even pay for

transportation into NYC the 4 times a year I have to go to class for 3 days from

9-5. I am hopeful for the future but man have we been through it. I am looking

forward to getting to know you and learning and growing through this group. I've

been lurking and reading and finally decided to jump in. Blessings, -Betsy

>

> Yes I have a behaviorist and she works with me more than my child. He is 12

and we are going to the autism clinic tomorrow. Thanks for writing I will talk

to her about working with him more she will be at the appt.

>

> Marcia

>

> ( ) Help bad day