Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion

March 13, 2010

I was Catholic for 39 years and am now Wiccan. But I think I can answer this for you. I don't know if this is so much a Asperger's thing with your daughter but a teenager thing with her.

I remember having a crisis of faith at her age and I remember my brothers and sisters all having the same crisis of faith at the same age. (I'm the oldest of 10, Irish Catholic family)

This is the age that as they begin to grow, especially females, they begin to question. Some may verbalize it, some may not. Your daughter feels comfortable enough to verbalize her feelings and that's a good thing.

I think that maybe instead of telling her that she must go to church with you, maybe you can sit down as a family and talk about what your faith means to you. Let your daughter verbalize why she feels that God hasn't done anything good for her. She may be entering a stage of depression and this may be a sign of it.

Talking about it may be the best way to find out what's going on with her.

My brothers, sisters and I were forced to go to church, attend weekly religious instruction classes, and attend a lot of church functions. At age 12, I lost a brother and sister in a fire. I was babysitting and I couldn't get everyone out. That's what caused my crisis of faith. Something may be going on with her. It could be something very small...not at all what caused mine.

Good luck with her. I hope you get things worked out.

Laurie

March 13, 2010

My daughter caused all kinds of problems in Sunday School because she wanted

someone to explain logically to her how things in the Bible could happen like

Jonah being swallowed by a whale, etc. She thinks logically in black and white

so asking her to believe something based on faith wasn't doing it for her. The

more questions she asked the more I began to doubt things myself...

a

>

> Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the child(ren)

> with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesn't like church

> any more (we are Catholic) because God hasn't ever done anything good for

> her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive

> add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because it

> is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be

> appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living under

> our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.

>

> Theresa

>

March 13, 2010

I would ignore these comments. My 12 year old verbally

gifted daughter use to make my head spin. The things she

would say, just awful. I use to try and explain too much.

Our behaviorist said I was reinforcing this. Ignore her walk away

and these type of comments will stop.

We are Catholic too. I teach religion.

I can picture my daughter helping me teach younger kids for her service project

for confirmation. It will be hard for her

to be in the youth group but we can try.

My daughter can't manage mass. I want her to like church and to

feel peaceful and in God's presence. We go and light candles.

We go sometimes to mass and stay until she wants to leave. This is

a gradual exposure approach. She wanted to go to Christmas

Eve and she did very well.

I don't press her to go to mass, but we do pray at lent

on Sunday's and we have an advent wreath and say prayers

during advent. She got ashes.

So many kids in my religion classes don't go to mass

and they don't have an issue like our kids.

If you want any other ideas you may email. I can get you

the name of the catholic bible we are using it is great for kids.

I had to switch churches to find one that would set up a special

class religion for our daughter. My co-teacher has a son with autism.

We go for pizza sometimes after religion class. We talk about

our faith in class. I am sure this is meaningful too.

Sunday mass is very busy for our kids. The noise and movement

on Sunday's is too much for some of our kids. If you really want

her to go, try Saturday morning mass. It is much shorter.

Start in this way and make it a more positive experience.

Pam

>

> Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the child(ren)

> with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesn't like church

> any more (we are Catholic) because God hasn't ever done anything good for

> her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive

> add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because it

> is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be

> appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living under

> our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.

>

> Theresa

>

March 13, 2010

My oldest son (almost 20) has left the church (Catholic). He went through

Confirmation, and said he was ready to leave. It was a very sad time for

us....We are Catholic homeschoolers, and he's the oldest of 6 kids. He's had a

really rough time, though, in so many ways....

I don't know if it's Aspergers, sensory overload, combination of this, or

what....He did share that he'd given up on God after not having prayers

answered. Breaks my heart. We continue to openly live our faith here, and he

abstains from joining in. He knows what we believe. I prayed a lot about it, and

my answer was very clear -- to back off, and to let him BE. I realized I could

not MAKE him love/trust God. I know God loves him, and will take care of him.

It's out of my hands; I've done the best I can.

BTW, I have another son with Aspergers, almost 15, who is quite

religious/devout. He is thinking of monastic life. And my NT 17 year old is

going to Catholic college in the fall....So, we all have our own path to walk. I

hope Matt (my oldest) figures it out at some point. I just hope he can find

peace within himself, somehow. He's been in a bad place for a long time now

(about 6 years).

JoAnn in CO

March 13, 2010

We are a Catholic family also, dd who is 12.5 yrs is diagnosed with as/adhd/mood disorder/fae. We attend Mass weekly, I teach religious formation on Sun am, and both kids attend their grade levels, and have been since kindergarten. And yes, when the kids were young, it was hard to get us all up and out of the house on Sunday am, after a week of work/school. But now, it is part of our routine, we just do it!

We talk about our faith being a strong part of how we live as a family, and that is the way it is. Both of our kids have been baptized, made First Reconciliation and First Communion. However, getting through the classes and preparations was not easy. But now, daughter loves the structure and routine of our faith and sacraments, and she has witnessed others participating in these events. Now she is in 7th grade and preparing for Confirmation, and still interested! Our son, in 6th gr, has had the same experiences as , but is the complainer, saying he hates going, that he gets nothing out of it, etc. We ignore him, continue to go to Mass as a family, and discuss our faith during the week. I think it is part of this "age" to just be difficult and rebel against the "imposed structure" as Nick would say!

I can understand how your daughter is overwhelmed with the Mass. It is good that you try to take her. Has she made her First Communion? Has she had the chance to observe a Baptism during Mass? Sometimes, participating in the whole process helps understanding and making sense of it all!

In our area, a few churches have designed special needs classes for kids with autism or cognitive impairments, which sets up a more positive experience too. Just some of my thoughts.

Jillian

From: Pamela <susanonderko@...> Sent: Sat, March 13, 2010 8:29:13 PMSubject: ( ) Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion

I would ignore these comments. My 12 year old verbally gifted daughter use to make my head spin. The things she would say, just awful. I use to try and explain too much. Our behaviorist said I was reinforcing this. Ignore her walk away and these type of comments will stop. We are Catholic too. I teach religion. I can picture my daughter helping me teach younger kids for her service project for confirmation. It will be hard for herto be in the youth group but we can try. My daughter can't manage mass. I want her to like church and tofeel peaceful and in God's presence. We go and light candles.We go sometimes to mass and stay until she wants to leave. This is a gradual exposure approach. She wanted to go to ChristmasEve and she did very well.I don't press her to go to mass, but we do pray at lent on Sunday's and we have an advent wreath and say prayersduring advent. She got ashes.

So many kids in my religion classes don't go to massand they don't have an issue like our kids. If you want any other ideas you may email. I can get youthe name of the catholic bible we are using it is great for kids.I had to switch churches to find one that would set up a specialclass religion for our daughter. My co-teacher has a son with autism. We go for pizza sometimes after religion class. We talk about our faith in class. I am sure this is meaningful too.Sunday mass is very busy for our kids. The noise and movementon Sunday's is too much for some of our kids. If you really wanther to go, try Saturday morning mass. It is much shorter.Start in this way and make it a more positive experience. Pam >> Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the child(ren)> with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesn't like church> any more (we are Catholic) because God hasn't ever done anything good for> her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive> add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because it> is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be> appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living under> our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.> > Theresa>

Reply to sender | Reply to group | Reply via web post | Start a New Topic Messages in this topic (3)

Recent Activity:

New Members 23

Visit Your Group

March 13, 2010

Theresa

That comment usually doesn't work with regular kids so I can't see where it would work with a child with special needs. I tried my son in youth church but he kept running away from it and finding me in the large hall. even so far as to crawl amongst people's feet to find me. he says that the noise/music was too much for him. so it was easier not to go - I am sure god knows that I worhsip him without having to physically attend church. My son also has a hard time picturing a GOD without a physical presence. To him its like explaining Santa Claus/Easter Bunny - what proof is there that they exist. ??? Is there an alternative for your child to attend so that she is not overwhelmed.

From: theresa <footetm@...>Subject: ( ) Children with Aspergers and Religion , AspergersCircle Received: Sunday, 14 March, 2010, 8:32 AM

Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the child(ren) with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesnâ€™t like church any more (we are Catholic) because God hasnâ€™t ever done anything good for her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because it is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living under our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.

Theresa

March 14, 2010

This might be an idea, why not encourage her to read the bible every now and then. Its probably a lot easier and a lot more productive then constantly trying to twist her arm and making her go to church. Not to mention a lot more effective.

From: mastermess6@...Date: Sat, 13 Mar 2010 21:42:12 -0800Subject: Re: ( ) Children with Aspergers and Religion

Theresa

That comment usually doesn't work with regular kids so I can't see where it would work with a child with special needs. I tried my son in youth church but he kept running away from it and finding me in the large hall. even so far as to crawl amongst people's feet to find me. he says that the noise/music was too much for him. so it was easier not to go - I am sure god knows that I worhsip him without having to physically attend church. My son also has a hard time picturing a GOD without a physical presence. To him its like explaining Santa Claus/Easter Bunny - what proof is there that they exist. ??? Is there an alternative for your child to attend so that she is not overwhelmed.

From: theresa <footetmverizon (DOT) net>Subject: ( ) Children with Aspergers and Religion , AspergersCircle Received: Sunday, 14 March, 2010, 8:32 AM

Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the child(ren) with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesn’t like church any more (we are Catholic) because God hasn’t ever done anything good for her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because it is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living under our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.

Theresa

Hotmail: Trusted email with Microsoft’s powerful SPAM protection. Sign up now.

March 14, 2010

Curious how long these kids attended church and at what age it then

became a problem? I ask b/c though my dd couldn't go to music class

or a gym b/c of ppl and noise she has gone to mass since she was a

baby, a catholic mass is very structured so she knows e xactly when to

expect music, etc so has seemed to always be fine. I mean until she

was 3 or 4 we let her use her pacifier and color until she was about 8

(all of these much longer than a sibling would have been allowed).

But at worst, during celebratory times, she's had to cover her ears

b/c the music can be louder or more. But other than that she's been

fine. She is 10 now, does the issue usually occur after that age?

Or is it b/c she got used to it so very young? Or did I just get

lucky? I mean we still have issues with the unexpected, ie if she is

supposed to altar serve and something happens and she can't (ie on ash

wendesday they had trouble finding a parking spot so only got there 15

min early instead of 30 so they already had someone else take her

place) so it isn't what she expects than we have problems (ie that day

she wouldn't even go in).

On 3/14/10, jennifer mackay <mastermess6@...> wrote:

> Theresa

>

> That comment usually doesn't work with regular kids so I can't see where it

> would work with a child with special needs. I tried my son in youth church

> but he kept running away from it and finding me in the large hall. even so

> far as to crawl amongst people's feet to find me. he says that the

> noise/music was too much for him. so it was easier not to go - I am sure

> god knows that I worhsip him without having to physically attend church.

> My son also has a hard time picturing a GOD without a physical presence. To

> him its like explaining Santa Claus/Easter Bunny - what proof is there that

> they exist. ??? Is there an alternative for your child to attend so

> that she is not overwhelmed.

>

> From: theresa <footetm@...>

> Subject: ( ) Children with Aspergers and Religion

> , AspergersCircle

> Received: Sunday, 14 March, 2010, 8:32 AM

>

> Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the child(ren)

> with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesn’t like church

> any more (we are Catholic) because God hasn’t ever done anything good for

> her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive

> add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because it

> is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be

> appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living under

> our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.

> Theresa

>

--

Sent from my mobile device

-mommy to Emma, Becca, ,

and

Girl Scout cookies are coming!

March 14, 2010

Laurie,

I just wanted to say that I'm very sorry for what you went through as a young child. I hope that your head and heart has come to terms with it all over the years.Hugs to you.

It really is simple. Just treat others kindly and with respect.

Robin

From: lakombert@... <lakombert@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Children with Aspergers and Religion Date: Saturday, March 13, 2010, 7:14 PM

I was Catholic for 39 years and am now Wiccan. But I think I can answer this for you. I don't know if this is so much a Asperger's thing with your daughter but a teenager thing with her.

I remember having a crisis of faith at her age and I remember my brothers and sisters all having the same crisis of faith at the same age. (I'm the oldest of 10, Irish Catholic family)

This is the age that as they begin to grow, especially females, they begin to question. Some may verbalize it, some may not. Your daughter feels comfortable enough to verbalize her feelings and that's a good thing.

I think that maybe instead of telling her that she must go to church with you, maybe you can sit down as a family and talk about what your faith means to you. Let your daughter verbalize why she feels that God hasn't done anything good for her. She may be entering a stage of depression and this may be a sign of it.

Talking about it may be the best way to find out what's going on with her.

My brothers, sisters and I were forced to go to church, attend weekly religious instruction classes, and attend a lot of church functions. At age 12, I lost a brother and sister in a fire. I was babysitting and I couldn't get everyone out. That's what caused my crisis of faith. Something may be going on with her. It could be something very small...not at all what caused mine.

Good luck with her. I hope you get things worked out.

Laurie

March 14, 2010

Yes, she has made her First Communion and this year will get

to experience her brother making his. We take her to church, but all she does

is sits there. She doesn’t want to partake in receiving communion or anything.

Theresa

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of jillian shimko

Sent: Saturday, March 13, 2010

10:54 PM

Subject: Re: ( )

Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion

We are a Catholic family also, dd who is 12.5 yrs is diagnosed

with as/adhd/mood disorder/fae. We attend Mass weekly, I teach

religious formation on Sun am, and both kids attend their grade levels, and

have been since kindergarten. And yes, when the kids were young, it was

hard to get us all up and out of the house on Sunday am, after a week of

work/school. But now, it is part of our routine, we just do it!

We talk about our faith being a strong part of how we live as a

family, and that is the way it is. Both of our

kids have been baptized, made First Reconciliation and First

Communion. However, getting through the classes and preparations was not

easy. But now, daughter loves the structure and routine of our

faith and sacraments, and she has witnessed others participating in these

events. Now she is in 7th grade and preparing for

Confirmation, and still interested!

Our son, in 6th gr, has had the same experiences as , but is the

complainer, saying he hates going, that he gets nothing out of

it, etc. We ignore him, continue to go to Mass as a

family, and discuss our faith during the week. I think it is part of

this " age " to just be difficult and rebel against the " imposed structure "

as Nick would say!

I can understand how your daughter is overwhelmed with the Mass. It is good

that you try to take her. Has she made her First Communion? Has she

had the chance to observe a Baptism during Mass? Sometimes, participating

in the whole process helps understanding and making sense of it all!

In our area, a few churches have designed special needs classes

for kids with autism or cognitive impairments, which sets up a more positive

experience too. Just some of my thoughts.

Jillian

From: Pamela

Sent: Sat, March 13, 2010 8:29:13

PM

Subject: ( ) Re:

Children with Aspergers and Religion

I would ignore these comments. My 12 year old verbally

gifted daughter use to make my head spin. The things she

would say, just awful. I use to try and explain too much.

Our behaviorist said I was reinforcing this. Ignore her walk away

and these type of comments will stop.

We are Catholic too. I teach religion.

I can picture my daughter helping me teach younger kids for her service project

for confirmation. It will be hard for her

to be in the youth group but we can try.

My daughter can't manage mass. I want her to like church and to

feel peaceful and in God's presence. We go and light candles.

We go sometimes to mass and stay until she wants to leave. This is

a gradual exposure approach. She wanted to go to Christmas

Eve and she did very well.

I don't press her to go to mass, but we do pray at lent

on Sunday's and we have an advent wreath and say prayers

during advent. She got ashes.

So many kids in my religion classes don't go to mass

and they don't have an issue like our kids.

If you want any other ideas you may email. I can get you

the name of the catholic bible we are using it is great for kids.

I had to switch churches to find one that would set up a special

class religion for our daughter. My co-teacher has a son with autism.

We go for pizza sometimes after religion class. We talk about

our faith in class. I am sure this is meaningful too.

Sunday mass is very busy for our kids. The noise and movement

on Sunday's is too much for some of our kids. If you really want

her to go, try Saturday morning mass. It is much shorter.

Start in this way and make it a more positive experience.

Pam

>

> Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the

child(ren)

> with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesn't like

church

> any more (we are Catholic) because God hasn't ever done anything good for

> her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive

> add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because it

> is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be

> appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living

under

> our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.

>

> Theresa

>

Reply to sender

| Reply

to group | Reply via web post

| Start a New Topic

Messages in this topic (3)

Recent Activity:

New Members 23

Visit Your Group

March 14, 2010

If I was given the choice, I would've stopped going to church, at some point, as a kid, too. I think it's more of a function of the age. I'd keep her going. The foundation I received from my participation in church and Sunday school was really good. My son is 13 (Aspergers) and he goes to Sunday school and church every week, plus Youth Group on alternate Wednesdays.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: G <fnofsports@...>Aspergers Treatment Sent: Sun, March 14, 2010 3:39:37 AMSubject: RE: ( ) Children with Aspergers and Religion

This might be an idea, why not encourage her to read the bible every now and then. Its probably a lot easier and a lot more productive then constantly trying to twist her arm and making her go to church. Not to mention a lot more effective.

From: mastermess6. auDate: Sat, 13 Mar 2010 21:42:12 -0800Subject: Re: ( ) Children with Aspergers and Religion

Theresa

That comment usually doesn't work with regular kids so I can't see where it would work with a child with special needs. I tried my son in youth church but he kept running away from it and finding me in the large hall. even so far as to crawl amongst people's feet to find me. he says that the noise/music was too much for him. so it was easier not to go - I am sure god knows that I worhsip him without having to physically attend church. My son also has a hard time picturing a GOD without a physical presence. To him its like explaining Santa Claus/Easter Bunny - what proof is there that they exist. ??? Is there an alternative for your child to attend so that she is not overwhelmed.

From: theresa <footetmverizon (DOT) net>Subject: ( ) Children with Aspergers and Religion , AspergersCircleReceived: Sunday, 14 March, 2010, 8:32 AM

Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the child(ren) with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesnâ€™t like church any more (we are Catholic) because God hasnâ€™t ever done anything good for her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because it is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living under our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.

Theresa

Hotmail: Trusted email with Microsoftâ€™s powerful SPAM protection. Sign up now.

March 14, 2010

We were (and are!) always in church, so it was a normal routine for us. Matt

just got more and more uncomfortable after puberty started. He always had

trouble with noise, crowds, lights, etc. and it just got worse and worse.

Our church also had a very difficult time, and he was caught in the middle of

it. There was a group of laywomen leading the church (priest shortage), and they

took the church in a very unorthodox direction. The Denver Archdiocese learned

of this, assigned a priest, and things began to get more " normal " again

(thankfully). However, for my very literal son, this was tough. He was in the

middle of Confirmation, and was DENIED Confirmation, because he could not do

their requirements. They required the youth to clean an AIDS hospice, and Matt

could not do this. We offered to do something else, and they told him no. He

said that religion was hypocrisy, and that was it for him. It was horribly

traumatic for us all. Yes, we contacted those in authority and talked about it,

but sadly, he was a casualty of all the turmoil....

He knows we are at church most days of the week, and most nights. We have

multiple kids in activities, choir, serving, and in the TORCH group

(homeschoolers). He chooses not to join us, and at nearly 20 years old, I cannot

force him. We had to pick our battles. As I said, I do believe God knows where

he is, and that we have to be patient....

Just our experience,

JoAnn in CO

March 14, 2010

Pam,

Once agan, I have to say THANK YOU for posting this. It's Sunday, and I'm once

again feeling guilty about not going to Church. I, too, am Catholic, and am

considering looking for a Church outside my faith, because none of the Churches

around here have a children's ministry that takes the childred during Mass so

that I can enjoy the service... then again, even if they did, I would be nervous

about being called out, him having a meltdown, or something else.

So, I've been thinking of doing Sunday School at home. I used to be a youth

minister, and I have tons of resources that I can use to make the Scriptures

come to life... I want my son to have a personal relationship with Christ, and I

don't see that happening if he dreads going to Church. For me, Church is about

feeling close to God and learning about His love for us... Not about me telling

him how many more minutes he needs to sit still for, begging him to lower his

voice, and wondering what everyone around me is thinking, since he looks

" normal, " but is acting like what others might considered " bratty " or " spoiled. "

(Sigh)...

So, I will begin Sunday school next week, will look into whether the Parish will

allow me to do Home School CCD if I take the courses the CCD teachers take, and

will focus on my own relationship with God, since I KNOW beyond a shadow of a

doubt, that this is how I make it through each day!

Thanks again!

Gladys

> >

> > Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the child(ren)

> > with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesn't like church

> > any more (we are Catholic) because God hasn't ever done anything good for

> > her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive

> > add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because it

> > is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be

> > appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living under

> > our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.

> >

> > Theresa

> >

>

March 14, 2010

My 11 y.o. daughter told me she did not believe that God could possibly talk to all those

men who wrote the Bible. She said since God was not here in person to defend this

book then she does not believe. Although, this is a good point, one has to keep the

faith !

The History Channel presents some good programs on the Bible . I record these to show

her that archaeologist are proving the Bible to be true.

Elinor

BTW We have the EEG left to go on testing.

From: gaaspiemom <gaaspiemom@...> Sent: Sat, March 13, 2010 7:22:52 PMSubject: ( ) Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion

My daughter caused all kinds of problems in Sunday School because she wanted someone to explain logically to her how things in the Bible could happen like Jonah being swallowed by a whale, etc. She thinks logically in black and white so asking her to believe something based on faith wasn't doing it for her. The more questions she asked the more I began to doubt things myself...a>> Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the child(ren)> with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesn't like church> any more (we are Catholic) because God hasn't ever done anything good for> her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive>

add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because it> is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be> appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living under> our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.> > Theresa>

March 14, 2010

Do they have a special mass geared toward middle and high schoolers? If not,

can you talk to the priest about starting one up? Most of the kids who go to

Children's liturgy at our parish aren't any older than 4th grade, so that might

not help you anyway.

Do you live near a college? Usually the Catholic groups have Sunday evening

services with rock bands instead of choirs, etc. She may find that more

compelling.

> > >

> > > Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the

child(ren)

> > > with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesn't like

church

> > > any more (we are Catholic) because God hasn't ever done anything good for

> > > her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive

> > > add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because

it

> > > is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be

> > > appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living

under

> > > our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.

> > >

> > > Theresa

> > >

> >

>

March 14, 2010

I agree, here.

Going to church is rarely something that kids will honestly WANT to do. It's something that certain families just DO. SO,,,,,,I would keep him going, too. But,,,,,,,when it's horrible for him and things aren't going well......(it was like this a lot for us).......just take him out and sit out where you can. We've sat in the kitchen and have even in the babysitting area when no one has been around. We've talked about how he couldn't stand it or how he just couldn't sit still, etc. I'd tell him I was glad that he at least came with us.

Then, when it was over, we did the "normal protocol" of visiting and left. Nothing more said.

We still struggle with a couple of our other ones who don't like the idea of going. I think they just like "having off". Heck, so do I.But we go.

And over the years,,,,man, we've been embarrassed. ha ha. We've left churches where we haven't felt accepted. Didn't matter what the denomination. Still doesn't.

We now go to a Methodist. And it's working. It's a smaller church and everyone knows our issues. They had to be told because of how odd we always looked,,,,coming in with a son who hid behind his hair and grumbled........would hum really loud.............would stomp his feet if the sermon got too long................would have to be allowed "out" when he couldn't take it anymore. ha ha.

So,,,,my advice would be to make them / him go.....but allow him the need to get through it by any means necessary. It'll get better. Some day,,,,,,he'll make the choice for himself, whether to go or not.

Believe it or not,,,,,,,,my son is now getting over major religious OCD (scrupolocity). Loves the idea of anything religious - to a fault. So now our deal is trying to NOT get him to want to go to church. Ha!!!Good luck and sorry for the book.

It really is simple. Just treat others kindly and with respect.

Robin

From: theresa <footetmverizon (DOT) net>Subject: ( ) Children with Aspergers and Religion , AspergersCircleReceived: Sunday, 14 March, 2010, 8:32 AM

Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the child(ren) with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesnâ€™t like church any more (we are Catholic) because God hasnâ€™t ever done anything good for her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because it is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living under our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.

Theresa

Hotmail: Trusted email with Microsoftâ€™s powerful SPAM protection. Sign up now.

March 14, 2010

Reading your post reminded me of when we were "church-hopping" because we couldn't find a place where we felt okay with "being ourselves"......and we were constantly doing what you said,,,,,,telling him to keep it down, leaving, wondering if someone was going to call us out and ask us to leave, etc. Well,,,,,,I think it was for about 4 months or so,,,,but we just stopped going. And it was wonderful. It took the pressure off of him. We still believed,,,,,,,we just didn't go to church.

I kind of think of what we did as what it was like when we pulled Ian out of Pub school for 2 years.....things got better for all of us because the pressure was off. So,,,,,we as parents, do what we gotta do....and we do it when we gotta do it. God is everywhere and we should never doubt this. He also understands what we're going through.

Hugs.

It really is simple. Just treat others kindly and with respect.

Robin

From: Gladys <glad1@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion Date: Sunday, March 14, 2010, 1:48 PM

Pam,Once agan, I have to say THANK YOU for posting this. It's Sunday, and I'm once again feeling guilty about not going to Church. I, too, am Catholic, and am considering looking for a Church outside my faith, because none of the Churches around here have a children's ministry that takes the childred during Mass so that I can enjoy the service... then again, even if they did, I would be nervous about being called out, him having a meltdown, or something else.So, I've been thinking of doing Sunday School at home. I used to be a youth minister, and I have tons of resources that I can use to make the Scriptures come to life... I want my son to have a personal relationship with Christ, and I don't see that happening if he dreads going to Church. For me, Church is about feeling close to God and learning about His love for us... Not about me telling him how many more minutes he needs to sit still for, begging him to lower his voice, and

wondering what everyone around me is thinking, since he looks "normal," but is acting like what others might considered "bratty" or "spoiled." (Sigh)... So, I will begin Sunday school next week, will look into whether the Parish will allow me to do Home School CCD if I take the courses the CCD teachers take, and will focus on my own relationship with God, since I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this is how I make it through each day!Thanks again!Gladys> >> > Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the child(ren)> > with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesn't like church> > any more (we are Catholic) because God hasn't ever done anything good for> > her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive> > add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because it> > is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be> > appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living under> > our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.> > > > Theresa> >>

March 14, 2010

Sunday School is where my gson behaves the best. My husband helps out with the 4th Sunday School and we thought we'd have to possibly have him not do it while gson was in 4th grade, but not so.

Husg, Michele----- "gaaspiemom" <gaaspiemom@...> wrote: > My daughter caused all kinds of problems in Sunday School because she wanted someone to explain logically to her how things in the Bible could happen like Jonah being swallowed by a whale, etc. She thinks logically in black and white so asking her to believe something based on faith wasn't doing it for her. The more questions she asked the more I began to doubt things myself...> a> > >> > Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the child(ren)> > with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesn't like church> > any more (we are Catholic) because God hasn't ever done anything good for> > her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive> > add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because it> > is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be> > appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living under> > our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.> > > > Theresa> >> ------------------------------------>

March 14, 2010

When D was younger (and to a certain extent, still today) we would rub his back or neck or trace the palm of his hand with our fingers to help him calm down when he had to sit still. He seemed to really relax which helped him focus on what he heard during the sermon. It's discreet, cheap, and it works! We do it in restaurants, school activities, etc. Anywhere he needs to be still and quiet. Sent via BlackBerry by AT&TFrom: "Gladys" <glad1@...>Date: Sun, 14 Mar 2010 18:48:29 -0000< >Subject: ( ) Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion Pam,Once agan, I have to say THANK YOU for posting this. It's Sunday, and I'm once again feeling guilty about not going to Church. I, too, am Catholic, and am considering looking for a Church outside my faith, because none of the Churches around here have a children's ministry that takes the childred during Mass so that I can enjoy the service... then again, even if they did, I would be nervous about being called out, him having a meltdown, or something else.So, I've been thinking of doing Sunday School at home. I used to be a youth minister, and I have tons of resources that I can use to make the Scriptures come to life... I want my son to have a personal relationship with Christ, and I don't see that happening if he dreads going to Church. For me, Church is about feeling close to God and learning about His love for us... Not about me telling him how many more minutes he needs to sit still for, begging him to lower his voice, and wondering what everyone around me is thinking, since he looks " normal, " but is acting like what others might considered " bratty " or " spoiled. " (Sigh)... So, I will begin Sunday school next week, will look into whether the Parish will allow me to do Home School CCD if I take the courses the CCD teachers take, and will focus on my own relationship with God, since I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this is how I make it through each day!Thanks again!Gladys> >> > Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the child(ren)> > with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesn't like church> > any more (we are Catholic) because God hasn't ever done anything good for> > her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive> > add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because it> > is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be> > appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living under> > our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.> > > > Theresa> >>

March 14, 2010

Its so funny that you guys say that, typically my daughter is super logical very black and white. But she has the faith that could move a mountain. I'm glad of course but not sure how she managed that with a black and white thinking brain!! I was sure I would have to really do a lot of explaining to her about the bible etc but nope. She inspires me!! :-D On Mar 14, 2010, at 11:49 AM, Elinor Mullin wrote:

My 11 y.o. daughter told me she did not believe that God could possibly talk to all those

men who wrote the Bible. She said since God was not here in person to defend this

book then she does not believe. Although, this is a good point, one has to keep the

faith !

The History Channel presents some good programs on the Bible . I record these to show

her that archaeologist are proving the Bible to be true.

Elinor

BTW We have the EEG left to go on testing.

From: gaaspiemom <gaaspiemom > Sent: Sat, March 13, 2010 7:22:52 PMSubject: ( ) Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion My daughter caused all kinds of problems in Sunday School because she wanted someone to explain logically to her how things in the Bible could happen like Jonah being swallowed by a whale, etc. She thinks logically in black and white so asking her to believe something based on faith wasn't doing it for her. The more questions she asked the more I began to doubt things myself...a>> Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the child(ren)> with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesn't like church> any more (we are Catholic) because God hasn't ever done anything good for> her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive>

add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because it> is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be> appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living under> our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.> > Theresa>

“Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” - Steve Jobs

March 14, 2010

Hey guys I have a question. I've been talking to our pastor about what it means to love the people int he church and how "the church" has let down so many people that are in it. We've had so many issues with ppl inside the church not understanding Caitlin and not caring to "get it". She was kicked out of an Awana's group and we were told they had "prayed about it" Anyway I've been talking to my pastor about doing a series on being hurt by the church and how people are being excluded and hurt and cast aside for many reasons. I was wondering if it would be ok to take some excerpts from some of your posts on church to use in preparation for this series? I would remove your names and email addresses, it would just be the quotes themselves. I feel so strongly about standing up for my daughter and others who are ignored and cast aside by the church. Sometimes they are the worst. Anyway let me know what you guys think, its ok if the answer is no, I totally understand :-D Or if you have something you want to add about an experience with church and your child. I would love to send it his way. we are trying to make our church a very friend place for those who dont feel they have a place. On Mar 14, 2010, at 2:55 PM, and/or Robin Lemke wrote: