Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion

March 14, 2010

Oh wow , Thank God you walked away ok!! On Mar 14, 2010, at 6:59 PM, theresa wrote:

Well I think part of it is that within 3 years, we lost my

sister in law to an automobile accident, lost my grandmother to bad health and

we were involved in a major automobile accident and of course none of them can

really be explained so I think that is part of the reasons why she doesn’t like

God. Here is a picture of our accident (camper is on its roof-we all walked

away unharmed). We had lived in the camper for about 5 months while we were in

the process of transferring with the military and in fact this happened while

we were in transit.<image002.jpg>

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Kate Stone

Sent: Sunday, March 14, 2010 9:52

PM

To:

Subject: RE: ( )

Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion

God hasn't done anything good for her??? wow, that's

a big statement, honestly it sounds like she isn't making that spiritual

connection. Gosh, is there a youth pastor that leads group discussions

and has open-sharing times with teen groups ? Maybe she would be

willing to try that. If you've already told her, "while your

living under my roof... " then you've kinda painted yourself into a

corner and you'll have to follow through somehow.

I'm coming from a really different place on this

issue. I say let it go. People experience their faith in so many

different ways, formal religion is not for everyone. She knows your

beliefs and values, and you do have to pick your battles. Is this one

value that you absolutely can not be flexible on? And by not

being flexible and not allowing any other exploration, are you risking

something even bigger... like her feeling that you do not understand and

aren't listening to her ? Something to think about

anyway....

From: theresa <footetmverizon (DOT) net>

Subject: RE: ( ) Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion

Date: Sunday, March 14, 2010, 8:19 AM

Yes, she

has made her First Communion and this year will get to experience her brother

making his. We take her to church, but all she does is sits there.

She doesn’t want to partake in receiving communion or anything.

Theresa

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of jillian shimko

Sent: Saturday, March 13, 2010

10:54 PM

Subject: Re: ( )

Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion

We are a

Catholic family also, dd who is 12.5 yrs is diagnosed with as/adhd/mood

disorder/fae. We attend Mass weekly, I teach religious formation

on Sun am, and both kids attend their grade levels, and have been since

kindergarten. And yes, when the kids were young, it was hard to get us

all up and out of the house on Sunday am, after a week of work/school.

But now, it is part of our routine, we just do it!

We talk

about our faith being a strong part of how we live as a family, and that is

the way it is. Both of our kids have been

baptized, made First Reconciliation and First Communion. However,

getting through the classes and preparations was not easy. But

now, daughter loves the structure and routine of our faith and

sacraments, and she has witnessed others participating in these

events. Now she is in 7th grade and preparing for

Confirmation, and still interested!

Our son, in 6th gr, has had the same experiences as , but is the

complainer, saying he hates going, that he gets nothing out of

it, etc. We ignore him, continue to go to Mass as a

family, and discuss our faith during the week. I think it is part

of this "age" to just be difficult and rebel against the

"imposed structure" as Nick would say!

I can understand

how your daughter is overwhelmed with the Mass. It is good that you try to

take her. Has she made her First Communion? Has she had the

chance to observe a Baptism during Mass? Sometimes, participating in the

whole process helps understanding and making sense of it all!

In our area, a

few churches have designed special needs classes for kids with autism

or cognitive impairments, which sets up a more positive experience too.

Just some of my thoughts.

Jillian

From: Pamela <susanonderko@

>

@

groups. com

Sent: Sat, March 13, 2010

8:29:13 PM

Subject: ( ) Re:

Children with Aspergers and Religion

I would

ignore these comments. My 12 year old verbally

gifted daughter use to make my head spin. The things she

would say, just awful. I use to try and explain too much.

Our behaviorist said I was reinforcing this. Ignore her walk away

and these type of comments will stop.

We are Catholic too. I teach religion.

I can picture my daughter helping me teach younger kids for her service

project for confirmation. It will be hard for her

to be in the youth group but we can try.

My daughter can't manage mass. I want her to like church and to

feel peaceful and in God's presence. We go and light candles.

We go sometimes to mass and stay until she wants to leave. This is

a gradual exposure approach. She wanted to go to Chris

tmas

Eve and she did very well.

I don't press her to go to mass, but we do pray at lent

on Sunday's and we have an advent wreath and say prayers

during advent. She got ashes.

So many kids in my religion classes don't go to mass

and they don't have an issue like our kids.

If you want any other ideas you may email. I can get you

the name of the catholic bible we are using it is great for kids.

I had to switch churches to find one that would set up a special

class religion for our daughter. My co-teacher has a son with autism.

We go for pizza sometimes after religion class. We talk about

our faith in class. I am sure this is meaningful too.

Sunday mass is very busy for our kids. The noise and movement

on Sunday's is too much for some of our kids. If you really want

her to go, try Saturday morning mass. It is much shorter.

Start in this way and make it a more positive experience.

Pam

>

> Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the

child(ren)

> with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesn't like

church

> any more (we are Catholic) because God hasn't ever done anything good

for

> her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has

inattentive

> add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because

it

> is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be

> appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living

under

> our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.

>

> Theresa

>

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“Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” - Steve Jobs

March 15, 2010

I homeschool CCD. The pastor was very open to it, didn't mind at all. But then we do go to church every Sun and my aspie says he 'hates' it, but when we get there has a blast. He loves the structure of the service as well as the music director who lets him play with the instruments afterward. Also, everyone loves him and knows his condition so will make a point to stop and tell him how well he did in church that day if he was able to sit through it. We took a few years off from going to church when he was much younger. He still has a hard time with loudness or music being too loud but we just hold his ears. I still bring paper and pencil for him to draw with and he does fine. Of course he is not a teenager, so I'm sure things can change. Sometimes "faith" or "religion" can be very topical and fake

looking. Since you're Catholic, perhaps you could get a catechism book and read a topic with her and discuss how it pertains to the bible and life? This might give everything more substance for her. Of course she is a teen so perhaps it's rebellion a bit as well and she needs some space. hthConnie

From: Gladys <glad1@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion Date: Sunday, March 14, 2010, 1:48 PM

Pam,Once agan, I have to say THANK YOU for posting this. It's Sunday, and I'm once again feeling guilty about not going to Church. I, too, am Catholic, and am considering looking for a Church outside my faith, because none of the Churches around here have a children's ministry that takes the childred during Mass so that I can enjoy the service... then again, even if they did, I would be nervous about being called out, him having a meltdown, or something else.So, I've been thinking of doing Sunday School at home. I used to be a youth minister, and I have tons of resources that I can use to make the Scriptures come to life... I want my son to have a personal relationship with Christ, and I don't see that happening if he dreads going to Church. For me, Church is about feeling close to God and learning about His love for us... Not about me telling him how many more minutes he needs to sit still for, begging him to lower his voice, and

wondering what everyone around me is thinking, since he looks "normal," but is acting like what others might considered "bratty" or "spoiled." (Sigh)... So, I will begin Sunday school next week, will look into whether the Parish will allow me to do Home School CCD if I take the courses the CCD teachers take, and will focus on my own relationship with God, since I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this is how I make it through each day!Thanks again!Gladys> >> > Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the child(ren)> > with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesn't like church> > any more (we are Catholic) because God hasn't ever done anything good for> > her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive> > add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because it> > is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be> > appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living under> > our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.> > > > Theresa> >>

March 15, 2010

Believe it or not there is a neat fiction, christian, though not

catholic so you also have to keep in mind it is fiction so don't read

too far into it. But the book the shack, it really serves to remind

us that god gave us free will and also isn't some puppet master

controlling our lives, things happen but he is there, like a father to

comfort us when bad things happen if we are just willing to ask and

just willing to have faith. You really have to understand those

things in order to be able to explain them to a child.

On 3/14/10, theresa <footetm@...> wrote:

> Well I think part of it is that within 3 years, we lost my sister in law to

> an automobile accident, lost my grandmother to bad health and we were

> involved in a major automobile accident and of course none of them can

> really be explained so I think that is part of the reasons why she doesn't

> like God. Here is a picture of our accident (camper is on its roof-we all

> walked away unharmed). We had lived in the camper for about 5 months while

> we were in the process of transferring with the military and in fact this

> happened while we were in transit.

>

> _____

>

> From:

> [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Kate Stone

> Sent: Sunday, March 14, 2010 9:52 PM

>

> Subject: RE: ( ) Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion

>

> God hasn't done anything good for her??? wow, that's a big statement,

> honestly it sounds like she isn't making that spiritual connection. Gosh,

> is there a youth pastor that leads group discussions and has open-sharing

> times with teen groups ? Maybe she would be willing to try that. If

> you've already told her, " while your living under my roof... " then you've

> kinda painted yourself into a corner and you'll have to follow through

> somehow.

>

> I'm coming from a really different place on this issue. I say let it go.

> People experience their faith in so many different ways, formal religion is

> not for everyone. She knows your beliefs and values, and you do have to

> pick your battles. Is this one value that you absolutely can not be

> flexible on? And by not being flexible and not allowing any other

> exploration, are you risking something even bigger... like her feeling that

> you do not understand and aren't listening to her ? Something to think

> about anyway....

>

> From: theresa <footetm@...>

> Subject: RE: ( ) Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion

>

> Date: Sunday, March 14, 2010, 8:19 AM

>

> Yes, she has made her First Communion and this year will get to experience

> her brother making his. We take her to church, but all she does is sits

> there. She doesn't want to partake in receiving communion or anything.

>

> Theresa

>

> _____

>

> From: [mailto:

> ] On Behalf Of jillian shimko

> Sent: Saturday, March 13, 2010 10:54 PM

>

> Subject: Re: ( ) Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion

>

> We are a Catholic family also, dd who is 12.5 yrs is diagnosed with

> as/adhd/mood disorder/fae. We attend Mass weekly, I teach religious

> formation on Sun am, and both kids attend their grade levels, and have been

> since kindergarten. And yes, when the kids were young, it was hard to get

> us all up and out of the house on Sunday am, after a week of work/school.

> But now, it is part of our routine, we just do it!

>

> We talk about our faith being a strong part of how we live as a family, and

> that is the way it is. Both of our kids have been baptized, made First

> Reconciliation and First Communion. However, getting through the classes and

> preparations was not easy. But now, daughter loves the structure and

> routine of our faith and sacraments, and she has witnessed others

> participating in these events. Now she is in 7th grade and preparing for

> Confirmation, and still interested!

> Our son, in 6th gr, has had the same experiences as , but is the

> complainer, saying he hates going, that he gets nothing out of it, etc. We

> ignore him, continue to go to Mass as a family, and discuss our faith during

> the week. I think it is part of this " age " to just be difficult and rebel

> against the " imposed structure " as Nick would say!

>

> I can understand how your daughter is overwhelmed with the Mass. It is

> good that you try to take her. Has she made her First Communion? Has she

> had the chance to observe a Baptism during Mass? Sometimes, participating in

> the whole process helps understanding and making sense of it all!

>

> In our area, a few churches have designed special needs classes for kids

> with autism or cognitive impairments, which sets up a more positive

> experience too. Just some of my thoughts.

>

> Jillian

>

> _____

>

> From: Pamela <susanonderko>

>

> Sent: Sat, March 13, 2010 8:29:13 PM

> Subject: ( ) Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion

>

> I would ignore these comments. My 12 year old verbally

> gifted daughter use to make my head spin. The things she

> would say, just awful. I use to try and explain too much.

> Our behaviorist said I was reinforcing this. Ignore her walk away

> and these type of comments will stop.

>

> We are Catholic too. I teach religion.

> I can picture my daughter helping me teach younger kids for her service

> project for confirmation. It will be hard for her

> to be in the youth group but we can try.

>

> My daughter can't manage mass. I want her to like church and to

> feel peaceful and in God's presence. We go and light candles.

> We go sometimes to mass and stay until she wants to leave. This is

> a gradual exposure approach. She wanted to go to tmas

> Eve and she did very well.

>

> I don't press her to go to mass, but we do pray at lent

> on Sunday's and we have an advent wreath and say prayers

> during advent. She got ashes.

>

> So many kids in my religion classes don't go to mass

> and they don't have an issue like our kids.

>

> If you want any other ideas you may email. I can get you

> the name of the catholic bible we are using it is great for kids.

>

> I had to switch churches to find one that would set up a special

> class religion for our daughter. My co-teacher has a son with autism.

> We go for pizza sometimes after religion class. We talk about

> our faith in class. I am sure this is meaningful too.

>

> Sunday mass is very busy for our kids. The noise and movement

> on Sunday's is too much for some of our kids. If you really want

> her to go, try Saturday morning mass. It is much shorter.

> Start in this way and make it a more positive experience.

>

> Pam

>

>>

>> Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the

> child(ren)

>> with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesn't like

> church

>> any more (we are Catholic) because God hasn't ever done anything good for

>> her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive

>> add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because it

>> is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be

>> appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living

> under

>> our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.

>>

>> Theresa

>>

>

> Reply to

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March 15, 2010

OMG, thank God you were not hurt. From: footetm@...Date: Sun, 14 Mar 2010 21:59:24 -0400Subject: RE: ( ) Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion

Well I think part of it is that within 3 years, we lost my

sister in law to an automobile accident, lost my grandmother to bad health and

we were involved in a major automobile accident and of course none of them can

really be explained so I think that is part of the reasons why she doesn’t like

God. Here is a picture of our accident (camper is on its roof-we all walked

away unharmed). We had lived in the camper for about 5 months while we were in

the process of transferring with the military and in fact this happened while

we were in transit.

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Kate Stone

Sent: Sunday, March 14, 2010 9:52

PM

To:

Subject: RE: ( )

Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion

God hasn't done anything good for her??? wow, that's

a big statement, honestly it sounds like she isn't making that spiritual

connection. Gosh, is there a youth pastor that leads group discussions

and has open-sharing times with teen groups ? Maybe she would be

willing to try that. If you've already told her, "while your

living under my roof... " then you've kinda painted yourself into a

corner and you'll have to follow through somehow.

I'm coming from a really different place on this

issue. I say let it go. People experience their faith in so many

different ways, formal religion is not for everyone. She knows your

beliefs and values, and you do have to pick your battles. Is this one

value that you absolutely can not be flexible on? And by not

being flexible and not allowing any other exploration, are you risking

something even bigger... like her feeling that you do not understand and

aren't listening to her ? Something to think about

anyway....

From: theresa <footetmverizon (DOT) net>

Subject: RE: ( ) Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion

Date: Sunday, March 14, 2010, 8:19 AM

Yes, she

has made her First Communion and this year will get to experience her brother

making his. We take her to church, but all she does is sits there.

She doesn’t want to partake in receiving communion or anything.

Theresa

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of jillian shimko

Sent: Saturday, March 13, 2010

10:54 PM

Subject: Re: ( )

Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion

We are a

Catholic family also, dd who is 12.5 yrs is diagnosed with as/adhd/mood

disorder/fae. We attend Mass weekly, I teach religious formation

on Sun am, and both kids attend their grade levels, and have been since

kindergarten. And yes, when the kids were young, it was hard to get us

all up and out of the house on Sunday am, after a week of work/school.

But now, it is part of our routine, we just do it!

We talk

about our faith being a strong part of how we live as a family, and that is

the way it is. Both of our kids have been

baptized, made First Reconciliation and First Communion. However,

getting through the classes and preparations was not easy. But

now, daughter loves the structure and routine of our faith and

sacraments, and she has witnessed others participating in these

events. Now she is in 7th grade and preparing for

Confirmation, and still interested!

Our son, in 6th gr, has had the same experiences as , but is the

complainer, saying he hates going, that he gets nothing out of

it, etc. We ignore him, continue to go to Mass as a

family, and discuss our faith during the week. I think it is part

of this "age" to just be difficult and rebel against the

"imposed structure" as Nick would say!

I can understand

how your daughter is overwhelmed with the Mass. It is good that you try to

take her. Has she made her First Communion? Has she had the

chance to observe a Baptism during Mass? Sometimes, participating in the

whole process helps understanding and making sense of it all!

In our area, a

few churches have designed special needs classes for kids with autism

or cognitive impairments, which sets up a more positive experience too.

Just some of my thoughts.

Jillian

From: Pamela <susanonderko@

>

@

groups. com

Sent: Sat, March 13, 2010

8:29:13 PM

Subject: ( ) Re:

Children with Aspergers and Religion

I would

ignore these comments. My 12 year old verbally

gifted daughter use to make my head spin. The things she

would say, just awful. I use to try and explain too much.

Our behaviorist said I was reinforcing this. Ignore her walk away

and these type of comments will stop.

We are Catholic too. I teach religion.

I can picture my daughter helping me teach younger kids for her service

project for confirmation. It will be hard for her

to be in the youth group but we can try.

My daughter can't manage mass. I want her to like church and to

feel peaceful and in God's presence. We go and light candles.

We go sometimes to mass and stay until she wants to leave. This is

a gradual exposure approach. She wanted to go to Chris

tmas

Eve and she did very well.

I don't press her to go to mass, but we do pray at lent

on Sunday's and we have an advent wreath and say prayers

during advent. She got ashes.

So many kids in my religion classes don't go to mass

and they don't have an issue like our kids.

If you want any other ideas you may email. I can get you

the name of the catholic bible we are using it is great for kids.

I had to switch churches to find one that would set up a special

class religion for our daughter. My co-teacher has a son with autism.

We go for pizza sometimes after religion class. We talk about

our faith in class. I am sure this is meaningful too.

Sunday mass is very busy for our kids. The noise and movement

on Sunday's is too much for some of our kids. If you really want

her to go, try Saturday morning mass. It is much shorter.

Start in this way and make it a more positive experience.

Pam

>

> Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the

child(ren)

> with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesn't like

church

> any more (we are Catholic) because God hasn't ever done anything good

for

> her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has

inattentive

> add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because

it

> is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be

> appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living

under

> our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.

>

> Theresa

>

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March 15, 2010

That is a nice idea- anything to keep them calm and quiet, right? I do struggle with taking my kids to church. They give me a hard time becuase my husband doesn't go. Sometimes I go without them. When they do go, they are not very well-behaved, but I keep trying. They are getting better. Also, our church does have the youth service during mass, so they go to that and at least I get a little peace for half of the time.

For the other Catholics, I wanted to bring up something I just thought about. You know how you get to pick your Confirmation saint? Most kids picked a name they liked, and probably didn't think about it too much. But I chose St. . She is the patron saint of patience and I thought I needed help with my own patience at the time. She prayed for her son (St. Augustine) for 30 years to convert before he did. Now I think about it and wow, did I pick the right saint for me. Having my son with AS really has taught me patience. I see a real parallel, and makes me realize my son was sent to me for a reason.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suzanne

suzmarkwood@...

From: smacalli@... <smacalli@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion Date: Sunday, March 14, 2010, 5:08 PM

When D was younger (and to a certain extent, still today) we would rub his back or neck or trace the palm of his hand with our fingers to help him calm down when he had to sit still. He seemed to really relax which helped him focus on what he heard during the sermon. It's discreet, cheap, and it works! We do it in restaurants, school activities, etc. Anywhere he needs to be still and quiet. Sent via BlackBerry by AT & T

From: "Gladys" <glad1@...>

Date: Sun, 14 Mar 2010 18:48:29 -0000

< >

Subject: ( ) Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion

Pam,Once agan, I have to say THANK YOU for posting this. It's Sunday, and I'm once again feeling guilty about not going to Church. I, too, am Catholic, and am considering looking for a Church outside my faith, because none of the Churches around here have a children's ministry that takes the childred during Mass so that I can enjoy the service... then again, even if they did, I would be nervous about being called out, him having a meltdown, or something else.So, I've been thinking of doing Sunday School at home. I used to be a youth minister, and I have tons of resources that I can use to make the Scriptures come to life... I want my son to have a personal relationship with Christ, and I don't see that happening if he dreads going to Church. For me, Church is about feeling close to God and learning about His love for us... Not about me telling him how many more minutes he needs to sit still for, begging him to lower his voice, and

wondering what everyone around me is thinking, since he looks "normal," but is acting like what others might considered "bratty" or "spoiled." (Sigh)... So, I will begin Sunday school next week, will look into whether the Parish will allow me to do Home School CCD if I take the courses the CCD teachers take, and will focus on my own relationship with God, since I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this is how I make it through each day!Thanks again!Gladys> >> > Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the child(ren)> > with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesn't like church> > any more (we are Catholic) because God hasn't ever done anything good for> > her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive> > add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because it> > is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be> > appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living under> > our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.> > > > Theresa> >>

March 15, 2010

The Shack is a beautiful book!!! I highly recommend it to anyone, of any faith. Touched me to my core.Sent via BlackBerry by AT&TFrom: Durocher <funwith4@...>Date: Mon, 15 Mar 2010 08:13:30 -0400< >Subject: Re: ( ) Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion Believe it or not there is a neat fiction, christian, though notcatholic so you also have to keep in mind it is fiction so don't readtoo far into it. But the book the shack, it really serves to remindus that god gave us free will and also isn't some puppet mastercontrolling our lives, things happen but he is there, like a father tocomfort us when bad things happen if we are just willing to ask andjust willing to have faith. You really have to understand thosethings in order to be able to explain them to a child.On 3/14/10, theresa <footetmverizon (DOT) net> wrote:> Well I think part of it is that within 3 years, we lost my sister in law to> an automobile accident, lost my grandmother to bad health and we were> involved in a major automobile accident and of course none of them can> really be explained so I think that is part of the reasons why she doesn't> like God. Here is a picture of our accident (camper is on its roof-we all> walked away unharmed). We had lived in the camper for about 5 months while> we were in the process of transferring with the military and in fact this> happened while we were in transit.>>>>>> _____>> From: > [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Kate Stone> Sent: Sunday, March 14, 2010 9:52 PM> > Subject: RE: ( ) Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion>>>>>>> God hasn't done anything good for her??? wow, that's a big statement,> honestly it sounds like she isn't making that spiritual connection. Gosh,> is there a youth pastor that leads group discussions and has open-sharing> times with teen groups ? Maybe she would be willing to try that. If> you've already told her, " while your living under my roof... " then you've> kinda painted yourself into a corner and you'll have to follow through> somehow.>>>> I'm coming from a really different place on this issue. I say let it go.> People experience their faith in so many different ways, formal religion is> not for everyone. She knows your beliefs and values, and you do have to> pick your battles. Is this one value that you absolutely can not be> flexible on? And by not being flexible and not allowing any other> exploration, are you risking something even bigger... like her feeling that> you do not understand and aren't listening to her ? Something to think> about anyway....>>>>>> >>> From: theresa <footetmverizon (DOT) net>> Subject: RE: ( ) Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion> > Date: Sunday, March 14, 2010, 8:19 AM>>>> Yes, she has made her First Communion and this year will get to experience> her brother making his. We take her to church, but all she does is sits> there. She doesn't want to partake in receiving communion or anything.>> Theresa>>>>> _____>>> From: [mailto:> ] On Behalf Of jillian shimko> Sent: Saturday, March 13, 2010 10:54 PM> > Subject: Re: ( ) Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion>>>>>> We are a Catholic family also, dd who is 12.5 yrs is diagnosed with> as/adhd/mood disorder/fae. We attend Mass weekly, I teach religious> formation on Sun am, and both kids attend their grade levels, and have been> since kindergarten. And yes, when the kids were young, it was hard to get> us all up and out of the house on Sunday am, after a week of work/school.> But now, it is part of our routine, we just do it!>> We talk about our faith being a strong part of how we live as a family, and> that is the way it is. Both of our kids have been baptized, made First> Reconciliation and First Communion. However, getting through the classes and> preparations was not easy. But now, daughter loves the structure and> routine of our faith and sacraments, and she has witnessed others> participating in these events. Now she is in 7th grade and preparing for> Confirmation, and still interested!> Our son, in 6th gr, has had the same experiences as , but is the> complainer, saying he hates going, that he gets nothing out of it, etc. We> ignore him, continue to go to Mass as a family, and discuss our faith during> the week. I think it is part of this " age " to just be difficult and rebel> against the " imposed structure " as Nick would say!>> I can understand how your daughter is overwhelmed with the Mass. It is> good that you try to take her. Has she made her First Communion? Has she> had the chance to observe a Baptism during Mass? Sometimes, participating in> the whole process helps understanding and making sense of it all!>> In our area, a few churches have designed special needs classes for kids> with autism or cognitive impairments, which sets up a more positive> experience too. Just some of my thoughts.>> Jillian>>>>>> _____>>> From: Pamela <susanonderko>> > Sent: Sat, March 13, 2010 8:29:13 PM> Subject: ( ) Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion>>>> I would ignore these comments. My 12 year old verbally> gifted daughter use to make my head spin. The things she> would say, just awful. I use to try and explain too much.> Our behaviorist said I was reinforcing this. Ignore her walk away> and these type of comments will stop.>> We are Catholic too. I teach religion.> I can picture my daughter helping me teach younger kids for her service> project for confirmation. It will be hard for her> to be in the youth group but we can try.>> My daughter can't manage mass. I want her to like church and to> feel peaceful and in God's presence. We go and light candles.> We go sometimes to mass and stay until she wants to leave. This is> a gradual exposure approach. She wanted to go to tmas> Eve and she did very well.>> I don't press her to go to mass, but we do pray at lent> on Sunday's and we have an advent wreath and say prayers> during advent. She got ashes.>> So many kids in my religion classes don't go to mass> and they don't have an issue like our kids.>> If you want any other ideas you may email. I can get you> the name of the catholic bible we are using it is great for kids.>> I had to switch churches to find one that would set up a special> class religion for our daughter. My co-teacher has a son with autism.> We go for pizza sometimes after religion class. We talk about> our faith in class. I am sure this is meaningful too.>> Sunday mass is very busy for our kids. The noise and movement> on Sunday's is too much for some of our kids. If you really want> her to go, try Saturday morning mass. It is much shorter.> Start in this way and make it a more positive experience.>> Pam> >>>> Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the> child(ren)>> with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesn't like> church>> any more (we are Catholic) because God hasn't ever done anything good for>> her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive>> add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because it>> is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be>> appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living> under>> our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.>>>> Theresa>>>> Reply to> <http://us.mc1132.mail./mc/compose?to=susanonderko & subjec> t=Re:%20Children%20with%20Aspergers%20and%20Religion> sender | Reply> <http://us.mc1132.mail./mc/compose?to= groups (DOT) > com & subject=Re:%20Children%20with%20Aspergers%20and%20Religion> to group |> Reply> < /post;_ylc=X3oDMTJwMTUxc2lqBF> 9TAzk3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzE4NjM4BGdycHNwSWQDMTcwNjMyOTA1MgRtc2dJZAMxNDE0NTEEc2> VjA2Z0cgRzbGsDcnBseQRzdGltZQMxMjY4NTMwMTU2?act=reply & messageNum=141451> via> web post |> < /post;_ylc=X3oDMTJjOHMwZWdhBF> 9TAzk3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzE4NjM4BGdycHNwSWQDMTcwNjMyOTA1MgRzZWMDZnRyBHNsawNudH> BjBHN0aW1lAzEyNjg1MzAxNTY-> Start a New Topic>> Messages in this topic> < /message/141448;_ylc=X3oDMTM2> ZWQyZXJnBF9TAzk3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzE4NjM4BGdycHNwSWQDMTcwNjMyOTA1MgRtc2dJZAMx> NDE0NTEEc2VjA2Z0cgRzbGsDdnRwYwRzdGltZQMxMjY4NTMwMTU2BHRwY0lkAzE0MTQ0OA-->> (3)>> Recent Activity:>> *> < /members;_ylc=X3oDMTJkaDdrNnI> 4BF9TAzk3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzE4NjM4BGdycHNwSWQDMTcwNjMyOTA1MgRzZWMDdnRsBHNsawN> 2bWJycwRzdGltZQMxMjY4NTMwMTU2?o=6> New Members 23>>> < ;_ylc=X3oDMTJjMTFjcjFjBF9TAzk> 3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzE4NjM4BGdycHNwSWQDMTcwNjMyOTA1MgRzZWMDdnRsBHNsawN2Z2hwBHN> 0aW1lAzEyNjg1MzAxNTY-> Visit Your Group>>

March 15, 2010

" The Shack " is a very good book. My dad is a minister and I got that

for him for Xmas the year before he died. Then we had talked about it

a lot via email back and forth, discussing parts of it. Anyway, it's a

nice book for even explaining religion and free will, as you said.

Another good book that I like is, " When Bad Things Happen to Good

People " by Harold S. Kushner. It's a nice book as well for dealing

with those kinds of thoughts/ideas/questions.

Roxanna

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

( ) Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion

>

> I would ignore these comments. My 12 year old verbally

> gifted daughter use to make my head spin. The things she

> would say, just awful. I use to try and explain too much.

> Our behaviorist said I was reinforcing this. Ignore her walk away

> and these type of comments will stop.

>

> We are Catholic too. I teach religion.

> I can picture my daughter helping me teach younger kids for her

service

> project for confirmation. It will be hard for her

> to be in the youth group but we can try.

>

> My daughter can't manage mass. I want her to like church and to

> feel peaceful and in God's presence. We go and light candles.

> We go sometimes to mass and stay until she wants to leave. This is

> a gradual exposure approach. She wanted to go to tmas

> Eve and she did very well.

>

> I don't press her to go to mass, but we do pray at lent

> on Sunday's and we have an advent wreath and say prayers

> during advent. She got ashes.

>

> So many kids in my religion classes don't go to mass

> and they don't have an issue like our kids.

>

> If you want any other ideas you may email. I can get you

> the name of the catholic bible we are using it is great for kids.

>

> I had to switch churches to find one that would set up a special

> class religion for our daughter. My co-teacher has a son with autism.

> We go for pizza sometimes after religion class. We talk about

> our faith in class. I am sure this is meaningful too.

>

> Sunday mass is very busy for our kids. The noise and movement

> on Sunday's is too much for some of our kids. If you really want

> her to go, try Saturday morning mass. It is much shorter.

> Start in this way and make it a more positive experience.

>

> Pam

>

>>

>> Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the

> child(ren)

>> with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesn't like

> church

>> any more (we are Catholic) because God hasn't ever done anything

good for

>> her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has

inattentive

>> add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be

because it

>> is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be

>> appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living

> under

>> our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.

>>

>> Theresa

>>

>

> Reply to

>

<http://us.mc1132.mail./mc/compose?to=susanonderko & sub

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March 15, 2010

, I read the shack. It was really good!! On Mar 15, 2010, at 5:13 AM, Durocher wrote:

Believe it or not there is a neat fiction, christian, though not

catholic so you also have to keep in mind it is fiction so don't read

too far into it. But the book the shack, it really serves to remind

us that god gave us free will and also isn't some puppet master

controlling our lives, things happen but he is there, like a father to

comfort us when bad things happen if we are just willing to ask and

just willing to have faith. You really have to understand those

things in order to be able to explain them to a child.

On 3/14/10, theresa <footetmverizon (DOT) net> wrote:

> Well I think part of it is that within 3 years, we lost my sister in law to

> an automobile accident, lost my grandmother to bad health and we were

> involved in a major automobile accident and of course none of them can

> really be explained so I think that is part of the reasons why she doesn't

> like God. Here is a picture of our accident (camper is on its roof-we all

> walked away unharmed). We had lived in the camper for about 5 months while

> we were in the process of transferring with the military and in fact this

> happened while we were in transit.

>

> _____

>

> From:

> [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Kate Stone

> Sent: Sunday, March 14, 2010 9:52 PM

>

> Subject: RE: ( ) Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion

>

> God hasn't done anything good for her??? wow, that's a big statement,

> honestly it sounds like she isn't making that spiritual connection. Gosh,

> is there a youth pastor that leads group discussions and has open-sharing

> times with teen groups ? Maybe she would be willing to try that. If

> you've already told her, "while your living under my roof... " then you've

> kinda painted yourself into a corner and you'll have to follow through

> somehow.

>

> I'm coming from a really different place on this issue. I say let it go.

> People experience their faith in so many different ways, formal religion is

> not for everyone. She knows your beliefs and values, and you do have to

> pick your battles. Is this one value that you absolutely can not be

> flexible on? And by not being flexible and not allowing any other

> exploration, are you risking something even bigger... like her feeling that

> you do not understand and aren't listening to her ? Something to think

> about anyway....

>

> From: theresa <footetmverizon (DOT) net>

> Subject: RE: ( ) Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion

>

> Date: Sunday, March 14, 2010, 8:19 AM

>

> Yes, she has made her First Communion and this year will get to experience

> her brother making his. We take her to church, but all she does is sits

> there. She doesn't want to partake in receiving communion or anything.

>

> Theresa

>

> _____

>

> From: [mailto:

> ] On Behalf Of jillian shimko

> Sent: Saturday, March 13, 2010 10:54 PM

>

> Subject: Re: ( ) Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion

>

> We are a Catholic family also, dd who is 12.5 yrs is diagnosed with

> as/adhd/mood disorder/fae. We attend Mass weekly, I teach religious

> formation on Sun am, and both kids attend their grade levels, and have been

> since kindergarten. And yes, when the kids were young, it was hard to get

> us all up and out of the house on Sunday am, after a week of work/school.

> But now, it is part of our routine, we just do it!

>

> We talk about our faith being a strong part of how we live as a family, and

> that is the way it is. Both of our kids have been baptized, made First

> Reconciliation and First Communion. However, getting through the classes and

> preparations was not easy. But now, daughter loves the structure and

> routine of our faith and sacraments, and she has witnessed others

> participating in these events. Now she is in 7th grade and preparing for

> Confirmation, and still interested!

> Our son, in 6th gr, has had the same experiences as , but is the

> complainer, saying he hates going, that he gets nothing out of it, etc. We

> ignore him, continue to go to Mass as a family, and discuss our faith during

> the week. I think it is part of this "age" to just be difficult and rebel

> against the "imposed structure" as Nick would say!

>

> I can understand how your daughter is overwhelmed with the Mass. It is

> good that you try to take her. Has she made her First Communion? Has she

> had the chance to observe a Baptism during Mass? Sometimes, participating in

> the whole process helps understanding and making sense of it all!

>

> In our area, a few churches have designed special needs classes for kids

> with autism or cognitive impairments, which sets up a more positive

> experience too. Just some of my thoughts.

>

> Jillian

>

> _____

>

> From: Pamela <susanonderko>

>

> Sent: Sat, March 13, 2010 8:29:13 PM

> Subject: ( ) Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion

>

> I would ignore these comments. My 12 year old verbally

> gifted daughter use to make my head spin. The things she

> would say, just awful. I use to try and explain too much.

> Our behaviorist said I was reinforcing this. Ignore her walk away

> and these type of comments will stop.

>

> We are Catholic too. I teach religion.

> I can picture my daughter helping me teach younger kids for her service

> project for confirmation. It will be hard for her

> to be in the youth group but we can try.

>

> My daughter can't manage mass. I want her to like church and to

> feel peaceful and in God's presence. We go and light candles.

> We go sometimes to mass and stay until she wants to leave. This is

> a gradual exposure approach. She wanted to go to tmas

> Eve and she did very well.

>

> I don't press her to go to mass, but we do pray at lent

> on Sunday's and we have an advent wreath and say prayers

> during advent. She got ashes.

>

> So many kids in my religion classes don't go to mass

> and they don't have an issue like our kids.

>

> If you want any other ideas you may email. I can get you

> the name of the catholic bible we are using it is great for kids.

>

> I had to switch churches to find one that would set up a special

> class religion for our daughter. My co-teacher has a son with autism.

> We go for pizza sometimes after religion class. We talk about

> our faith in class. I am sure this is meaningful too.

>

> Sunday mass is very busy for our kids. The noise and movement

> on Sunday's is too much for some of our kids. If you really want

> her to go, try Saturday morning mass. It is much shorter.

> Start in this way and make it a more positive experience.

>

> Pam

>

>>

>> Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the

> child(ren)

>> with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesn't like

> church

>> any more (we are Catholic) because God hasn't ever done anything good for

>> her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive

>> add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because it

>> is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be

>> appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living

> under

>> our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.

>>

>> Theresa

>>

>

> Reply to

> <http://us.mc1132.mail./mc/compose?to=susanonderko & subjec

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March 15, 2010

I homeschool my 11 yod. She does not like going to church either. Loud noises,

confusion and boring. She goes to the kids church at times. But finds it

boring also. When in church she colors and is usually okay. Unless she is

having a lot of anxiety. A couple of times we have had to leave right after we

got there and take her home. there have been times when she can not go at all

and her and I miss a few weeks. (which I hate to miss, I love going to church)

I try to make her go when I can and she does okay usually. With her we have

found you have to make her do things or she wouldn't do much of anything. I try

to do Bible with her in school and she is just not open to it. Doesn't

understand it all, doesn't get it. I think it goes back to seeing everything in

black and white and rigid thinking.

Nat

> > >

> > > Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the

child(ren)

> > > with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesn't like

church

> > > any more (we are Catholic) because God hasn't ever done anything good for

> > > her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive

> > > add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because it

> > > is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be

> > > appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living

under

> > > our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.

> > >

> > > Theresa

> > >

> >

>

March 15, 2010

Re: concrete examples in the bible. Yes you have to be careful with

any child and the Bible. The safest strategy for christians and kids

is to focus on the behaviors God wants us to have. Many typical

kids challenge the literal meaning of the bible stories. But the main

message in the Bible (according to our faith that is) is to love God and love

one another. Our kids can be kind to others and be taught

to be helpful (to teach empathy). If we stick to at least this message we can

hopefully not lose our kids to the more complex teaching style of the bible. The

old testement covers too

long of a time period has so many different writing styles and is

just too complex for most kids to really understand.

Pam

> >

> > Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the child(ren)

> > with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesn't like church

> > any more (we are Catholic) because God hasn't ever done anything good for

> > her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive

> > add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because it

> > is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be

> > appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living under

> > our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.

> >

> > Theresa

> >

>

March 15, 2010

We Rub Caitlins back and I massage her head. Calms her down unless shes in full on meltdown then she can't stand to be touched. But have found that if she is going somewhere where she needs to be calm, I give her a warm shower and I rub her head while I wash her head. It works well for her!! On Mar 15, 2010, at 6:54 AM, Suzanne Markwood wrote:

That is a nice idea- anything to keep them calm and quiet, right? I do struggle with taking my kids to church. They give me a hard time becuase my husband doesn't go. Sometimes I go without them. When they do go, they are not very well-behaved, but I keep trying. They are getting better. Also, our church does have the youth service during mass, so they go to that and at least I get a little peace for half of the time.

For the other Catholics, I wanted to bring up something I just thought about. You know how you get to pick your Confirmation saint? Most kids picked a name they liked, and probably didn't think about it too much. But I chose St. . She is the patron saint of patience and I thought I needed help with my own patience at the time. She prayed for her son (St. Augustine) for 30 years to convert before he did. Now I think about it and wow, did I pick the right saint for me. Having my son with AS really has taught me patience. I see a real parallel, and makes me realize my son was sent to me for a reason.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suzanne

suzmarkwood

From: smacalli <smacalli >Subject: Re: ( ) Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion Date: Sunday, March 14, 2010, 5:08 PM

When D was younger (and to a certain extent, still today) we would rub his back or neck or trace the palm of his hand with our fingers to help him calm down when he had to sit still. He seemed to really relax which helped him focus on what he heard during the sermon. It's discreet, cheap, and it works! We do it in restaurants, school activities, etc. Anywhere he needs to be still and quiet. Sent via BlackBerry by AT & T

“Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” - Steve Jobs

March 15, 2010

In a message dated 3/15/2010 9:53:39 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, cjrlmc@... writes:

I have mainly been a Lutheran all my life but found most churches to NOT be as accepting as I would expect from a God-filled place. I just started attending a Unity church and it is accepting of everyone and judges no one. I'm 40 years old and I've been a member of quite a few different churches but finally feel I am home. I would encourage anyone who is not finding the acceptance they deserve and need, to keep trying.

This is why I left both the Catholic church and Christianity in general. I had a priest tell me that my child couldn't be baptized in the church because he was a bastard born out of wedlock and that I was a harlot for having him. I never returned to my lifelong church after that.

I couldn't find my place in Christianity. But I found it in something else. It's not right for everyone but its right for me.

Dillon recently asked why we don't attend church. We live in the South, in the bible belt. I asked him why he asked. He said some kids in school asked him what church he went to and he said he didn't go to church. They asked him why. So he came home and asked.

I explained to him that I had different beliefs than his schoolmates and their families. That there was no right or wrong way to worship. Just what was right for each individual.

He thought for a few moments and said, "So I can still honor God and Goddess and say goodnight to Grandmother Moon?" I told him he most certainly can. He got a big smile on his face and said, "good!"

If there comes a time that he wishes to explore going to church I will be happy to bring him. I believe he should be exposed to a lot of different cultures and religions.

Laurie

March 15, 2010

My son is only six and seems to enjoy church. But he doesn't have to sit

through the service, we have children's church during the sermon. He believes

in God but is very concrete and literal. When his teacher told him he could

pray and ask God anything he wants, he came home and prayed that God would give

us all the money in the world. I had to do some explaining and reasoning with

him, but I am still not sure he fully got the idea. But hey, he's only 6. I

hope he will continue to enjoy church as time progresses and he outgrows

children's church which will be about middle school age. I agree with some of

the other posters who said this may just be a teenager thing. I didn't exactly

love church as a teenager, but my parents made me go and I am really glad they

did. You might offer examples of things God has provided if she talks back

about it like food, clothes, etc. Also, are there any youth activities in your

church or a church nearby or even a church camp (assuming they can accommodate

her needs). Maybe it is boring and she just needs a fresh outlook.

>

> Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the child(ren)

> with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesn't like church

> any more (we are Catholic) because God hasn't ever done anything good for

> her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive

> add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because it

> is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be

> appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living under

> our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.

>

> Theresa

>

March 15, 2010

,

You can definitely use anything, if you ask me.

And,,,,if you don't mind me adding...........Church, of ALL places should LEARN of the issues of its congregation. The church is the one place where we should KNOW we are accepted. Plain and simple.

In my opinion, if they aren't totally into learning about you and accepting of you and your family........especially due to things beyond your control.....then move on.No God that I believe in would allow such crap.

Nowadays, church is very business-like......and that's okay to a point....I get it. But,,,,,whatever your "affiliation" or beliefs are,,,,,,Catholics, Methodists, Hmong, Hindi, Buddhist, Mormon, etc......no one "judges" the other or makes them feel horrible because they are different. All of these teach love. Bottom line.

So,,,,if you ask me, sure, tell them about it. Try to educate. But leave if it doesn't work.God is everywhere. Not just your church or mine........or in India or in the Lutheran faith. He's not. Good luck to you....hugs.

It really is simple. Just treat others kindly and with respect.

Robin

From: theresa <footetmverizon (DOT) net>Subject: ( ) Children with Aspergers and Religion , AspergersCircleReceived: Sunday, 14 March, 2010, 8:32 AM

Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the child(ren) with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesnâ€™t like church any more (we are Catholic) because God hasnâ€™t ever done anything good for her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because it is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living under our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.

Theresa

Hotmail: Trusted email with Microsoftâ€™s powerful SPAM protection. Sign up now.

â€œHere's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.â€ - Steve Jobs

March 15, 2010

He he. I just re-read what I wrote....and I didn't mean in the first sentence that you had to ask me......I meant that, If you ask me, personally,,,,sure - go ahead and use it!!!!

It really is simple. Just treat others kindly and with respect.

Robin

From: theresa <footetmverizon (DOT) net>Subject: ( ) Children with Aspergers and Religion , AspergersCircleReceived: Sunday, 14 March, 2010, 8:32 AM

Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the child(ren) with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesnâ€™t like church any more (we are Catholic) because God hasnâ€™t ever done anything good for her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because it is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living under our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.

Theresa

Hotmail: Trusted email with Microsoftâ€™s powerful SPAM protection. Sign up now.

â€œHere's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.â€ - Steve Jobs

March 15, 2010

I've hesitated to say anything on this because my husband and I are atheist. We

have told our kids we want them to decide themselves when they're older and can

think about it themselves. For us this has worked extremely well with my son.

I can't imagine what it would have been like to try to take him to church

because anything that required him to be still or get along with other people

would have been a nightmare when he was younger. We went to a couple of

meetings for atheist families when we lived in Texas but as accepting and

laid-back as it was he still couldn't deal with it. I needed to be right with

him every second to prevent aggressive outbursts.

So we've always just been very concrete with both of our kids about everything

including morals and discipline. " Nobody will want to play with you if you hit

them " . Natural consequences work extremely well for my son.

I overheard a neighbor talking to her granddaughter in our old neighborhood in

Texas. The grandmother had asked me why my daughter was always so well-behaved

when she was at their house. I expect it was more because of her shyness around

anyone other than me that was responsible than anything else. I just talked

about natural consequences and about Rayleigh being good at other people's

houses but not as much at home. Anyway, I didn't think about it again until I

heard the grandmother talking to one of her granddaughters. She asked the girl,

" How did you get powder on your face? " The little girl said that " the baby " did

it. The baby was a toddler and completely capabled of getting powder on

someone. The grandmother didn't believe her. She said, " Jesus can hear you

lying " and the little girl said, " I thought Jesus was dead. " I just didn't feel

like it was a particularly compelling argument for the grandmother to use since

it was too abstract for a 6 year old.

I'm fine with people practicing whatever religion feels right to them but there

are times when I'm perplexed and can't imagine my asperger son being able to

grasp religion. He is interested in religion but mostly is fascinated by Greek

and Norse mythology. It's exciting and violent and I'm sure that's what most 13

year old boys would enjoy about these mythologies.

Sorry I hope I'm not offending anyone with this. I love this group so I don't

want to pretend I'm something I'm not. I'm just glad I don't have to fight this

particular battle with my son because I know it would be horrible. It would be

like one more day of school for him. But then, I felt that way about church

when I was a kid, too.

Miriam

> >

> > Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the child(ren)

> > with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesn't like church

> > any more (we are Catholic) because God hasn't ever done anything good for

> > her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive

> > add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because it

> > is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be

> > appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living under

> > our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.

> >

> > Theresa

> >

>

March 15, 2010

I haven't piped in to this conversation but have been watching it closely. Just wanted to say I agree with everything you said . I have mainly been a Lutheran all my life but found most churches to NOT be as accepting as I would expect from a God-filled place. I just started attending a Unity church and it is accepting of everyone and judges no one. I'm 40 years old and I've been a member of quite a few different churches but finally feel I am home. I would encourage anyone who is not finding the acceptance they deserve and need, to keep trying.

McAllisterFB: www.facebook.com/healfrominsideoutTwitter: www.twitter.com/healinginside

Blog: http://healingfrominsideout.blogspot.comReiki II practitioner, #1 alternative treatment recommended by Dr. OzHerbal consultations

On Mon, Mar 15, 2010 at 6:26 PM, and/or Robin Lemke <jrisjs@...> wrote:

,

You can definitely use anything, if you ask me.

And,,,,if you don't mind me adding...........Church, of ALL places should LEARN of the issues of its congregation. The church is the one place where we should KNOW we are accepted. Plain and simple.

In my opinion, if they aren't totally into learning about you and accepting of you and your family........especially due to things beyond your control.....then move on.No God that I believe in would allow such crap.

Nowadays, church is very business-like......and that's okay to a point....I get it. But,,,,,whatever your " affiliation " or beliefs are,,,,,,Catholics, Methodists, Hmong, Hindi, Buddhist, Mormon, etc......no one " judges " the other or makes them feel horrible because they are different. All of these teach love. Bottom line.

So,,,,if you ask me, sure, tell them about it. Try to educate. But leave if it doesn't work.God is everywhere. Not just your church or mine........or in India or in the Lutheran faith. He's not.

Good luck to you....hugs.

It really is simple. Just treat others kindly and with respect.

Robin

March 15, 2010

Robin:

I haven't posted much, but you are free to use anything with my name (glad1)

attached to it.

Also, when I read your post, I thought of Zacharriah. He was an outcast (b/c of

who he was and b/c of his stature), and Jesus saw HIM (who he was beyond the

outward appearances). I often think that many of us at Church are like the

people who were blocking his view (or the people telling the blind man to stop

calling Jesus' name... Or those how had judged the woman at the well... Or those

who criticized the woman as she washed His feet with her tears... Or those who

cast out the lepers)... We forget that we are blocking the person who really

needs to find Him from getting to meet Jesus... and we're not always aware...

AND, He always finds a way, but it would be great if he didn't have to find

people hanging in trees to get a glimpse!

I'll pray that your message comes across in the loving spirit in which I am sure

you intend it.

>

> From: theresa <footetmverizon (DOT) net>

> Subject: ( ) Children with Aspergers and Religion

> , AspergersCircle

> Received: Sunday, 14 March, 2010, 8:32 AM

>

> Â

>

> Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the child(ren)

with Aspergers to go? Â My 13 yr old has decided that she doesnâ€™t like church

any more (we are Catholic) because God hasnâ€™t ever done anything good for her.

Â Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive add and

Aspergers or is it just because of her age?Â Could it be because it is boring

to her and she gets lost? Â Any thoughts advice etc would be appreciated as we

have told her that while she is under 18 and living under our roof, she is going

to church with us as a family.

>

> Theresa

> Â

>

> Hotmail: Trusted email with Microsoftâ€™s powerful SPAM protection. Sign up

now.

>

> â€œHere's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the

round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're

not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify

them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change

things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the

crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that

they can change the world, are the ones who do.â€Â Â -Â Steve Jobs

>

March 15, 2010

Laurie, you did what you had to do for you. I didn't have the experience you did but the negativity I would get from traditional Christian churches just didn't jive with the loving God that I knew was out there. Unity includes a lot of metaphysical people too (including me).

On Mon, Mar 15, 2010 at 8:23 PM, <lakombert@...> wrote:

In a message dated 3/15/2010 9:53:39 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, cjrlmc@... writes:

I have mainly been a Lutheran all my life but found most churches to NOT be as accepting as I would expect from a God-filled place. I just started attending a Unity church and it is accepting of everyone and judges no one. I'm 40 years old and I've been a member of quite a few different churches but finally feel I am home. I would encourage anyone who is not finding the acceptance they deserve and need, to keep trying.

This is why I left both the Catholic church and Christianity in general. I had a priest tell me that my child couldn't be baptized in the church because he was a bastard born out of wedlock and that I was a harlot for having him. I never returned to my lifelong church after that.

I couldn't find my place in Christianity. But I found it in something else. It's not right for everyone but its right for me.

Dillon recently asked why we don't attend church. We live in the South, in the bible belt. I asked him why he asked. He said some kids in school asked him what church he went to and he said he didn't go to church. They asked him why. So he came home and asked.

I explained to him that I had different beliefs than his schoolmates and their families. That there was no right or wrong way to worship. Just what was right for each individual.

He thought for a few moments and said, " So I can still honor God and Goddess and say goodnight to Grandmother Moon? " I told him he most certainly can. He got a big smile on his face and said, " good! "

If there comes a time that he wishes to explore going to church I will be happy to bring him. I believe he should be exposed to a lot of different cultures and religions.

Laurie

-- McAllisterFB: www.facebook.com/healfrominsideoutTwitter: www.twitter.com/healinginside

Blog: http://healingfrominsideout.blogspot.comReiki II practitioner, #1 alternative treatment recommended by Dr. OzHerbal consultations

March 15, 2010

Miriam, You do what you have to do. (This sounds familiar, I think I just said this. LOL) I know I am not here to judge. Everyone has their own beliefs and if it's working for you, then so be it. Glad you felt comfortable enough to share.

On Mon, Mar 15, 2010 at 7:38 PM, mimasdprofile <callis4773@...> wrote:

I've hesitated to say anything on this because my husband and I are atheist. We have told our kids we want them to decide themselves when they're older and can think about it themselves. For us this has worked extremely well with my son. I can't imagine what it would have been like to try to take him to church because anything that required him to be still or get along with other people would have been a nightmare when he was younger. We went to a couple of meetings for atheist families when we lived in Texas but as accepting and laid-back as it was he still couldn't deal with it. I needed to be right with him every second to prevent aggressive outbursts.

So we've always just been very concrete with both of our kids about everything including morals and discipline. " Nobody will want to play with you if you hit them " . Natural consequences work extremely well for my son.

I overheard a neighbor talking to her granddaughter in our old neighborhood in Texas. The grandmother had asked me why my daughter was always so well-behaved when she was at their house. I expect it was more because of her shyness around anyone other than me that was responsible than anything else. I just talked about natural consequences and about Rayleigh being good at other people's houses but not as much at home. Anyway, I didn't think about it again until I heard the grandmother talking to one of her granddaughters. She asked the girl, " How did you get powder on your face? " The little girl said that " the baby " did it. The baby was a toddler and completely capabled of getting powder on someone. The grandmother didn't believe her. She said, " Jesus can hear you lying " and the little girl said, " I thought Jesus was dead. " I just didn't feel like it was a particularly compelling argument for the grandmother to use since it was too abstract for a 6 year old.

I'm fine with people practicing whatever religion feels right to them but there are times when I'm perplexed and can't imagine my asperger son being able to grasp religion. He is interested in religion but mostly is fascinated by Greek and Norse mythology. It's exciting and violent and I'm sure that's what most 13 year old boys would enjoy about these mythologies.

Sorry I hope I'm not offending anyone with this. I love this group so I don't want to pretend I'm something I'm not. I'm just glad I don't have to fight this particular battle with my son because I know it would be horrible. It would be like one more day of school for him. But then, I felt that way about church when I was a kid, too.

Miriam

> >

> > Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the child(ren)

> > with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesn't like church

> > any more (we are Catholic) because God hasn't ever done anything good for

> > her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive

> > add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because it

> > is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be

> > appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living under

> > our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.

> >

> > Theresa

> >

>

-- McAllisterFB: www.facebook.com/healfrominsideoutTwitter: www.twitter.com/healinginside

Blog: http://healingfrominsideout.blogspot.comReiki II practitioner, #1 alternative treatment recommended by Dr. OzHerbal consultations

March 16, 2010

Thanks Robin! Thankfully it wasn't our church that booted Caitlin from Awana's it was another church. But I spoke to my pastor about doing a series on acceptance and being hurt by the church so that our church does not become one of THOSE churches. Lately I have felt very lead to really start educating people. I was at a point where I was sick of explaining it all the time but I've come to realize that this is why God gave her to me in the first place. i'm her cheering section :-D Thanks again and if there is anything you want to add about an experience you have had in a church you can msg me privately and I will add it in. I'm going to show examples of how people have felt alienated by the church. Church should NEVER be that place. Its suppose to be a safe place. Anyway Thanks!! On Mar 15, 2010, at 5:26 PM, and/or Robin Lemke wrote:

,

You can definitely use anything, if you ask me.

And,,,,if you don't mind me adding...........Church, of ALL places should LEARN of the issues of its congregation. The church is the one place where we should KNOW we are accepted. Plain and simple.

In my opinion, if they aren't totally into learning about you and accepting of you and your family........especially due to things beyond your control.....then move on.No God that I believe in would allow such crap.

Nowadays, church is very business-like......and that's okay to a point....I get it. But,,,,,whatever your "affiliation" or beliefs are,,,,,,Catholics, Methodists, Hmong, Hindi, Buddhist, Mormon, etc......no one "judges" the other or makes them feel horrible because they are different. All of these teach love. Bottom line.

So,,,,if you ask me, sure, tell them about it. Try to educate. But leave if it doesn't work.God is everywhere. Not just your church or mine........or in India or in the Lutheran faith. He's not. Good luck to you....hugs.

It really is simple. Just treat others kindly and with respect.

Robin

From: theresa <footetmverizon (DOT) net>Subject: ( ) Children with Aspergers and Religion , AspergersCircleReceived: Sunday, 14 March, 2010, 8:32 AM

Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the child(ren) with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesn’t like church any more (we are Catholic) because God hasn’t ever done anything good for her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because it is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living under our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.

Theresa

Hotmail: Trusted email with Microsoft’s powerful SPAM protection. Sign up now.

“Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” - Steve Jobs

March 16, 2010

Wow Robin, that was so very well said. Thank you! I too pray that its received in love as I intend :-D kelly On Mar 15, 2010, at 7:22 PM, Gladys wrote:

Robin:

I haven't posted much, but you are free to use anything with my name (glad1) attached to it.

Also, when I read your post, I thought of Zacharriah. He was an outcast (b/c of who he was and b/c of his stature), and Jesus saw HIM (who he was beyond the outward appearances). I often think that many of us at Church are like the people who were blocking his view (or the people telling the blind man to stop calling Jesus' name... Or those how had judged the woman at the well... Or those who criticized the woman as she washed His feet with her tears... Or those who cast out the lepers)... We forget that we are blocking the person who really needs to find Him from getting to meet Jesus... and we're not always aware... AND, He always finds a way, but it would be great if he didn't have to find people hanging in trees to get a glimpse!

I'll pray that your message comes across in the loving spirit in which I am sure you intend it.

>

> From: theresa <footetmverizon (DOT) net>

> Subject: ( ) Children with Aspergers and Religion

> , AspergersCircle

> Received: Sunday, 14 March, 2010, 8:32 AM

>

> Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the child(ren) with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesn’t like church any more (we are Catholic) because God hasn’t ever done anything good for her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because it is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living under our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.

>

> Theresa

>

> Hotmail: Trusted email with Microsoft’s powerful SPAM protection. Sign up now.

>

> “Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” - Steve Jobs

>

“Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” - Steve Jobs

March 16, 2010

NO worries Miriam its who you are :-D I'm the last person to judge anyone on beliefs ;-D Its funny, I really did figure that God and religion would be hard for my daughter to grasp, but not at all. I think thats just one of those things thats part of her. Sometimes those Aspies really surprise us :-D On Mar 15, 2010, at 6:38 PM, mimasdprofile wrote:

I've hesitated to say anything on this because my husband and I are atheist. We have told our kids we want them to decide themselves when they're older and can think about it themselves. For us this has worked extremely well with my son. I can't imagine what it would have been like to try to take him to church because anything that required him to be still or get along with other people would have been a nightmare when he was younger. We went to a couple of meetings for atheist families when we lived in Texas but as accepting and laid-back as it was he still couldn't deal with it. I needed to be right with him every second to prevent aggressive outbursts.

So we've always just been very concrete with both of our kids about everything including morals and discipline. "Nobody will want to play with you if you hit them". Natural consequences work extremely well for my son.

I overheard a neighbor talking to her granddaughter in our old neighborhood in Texas. The grandmother had asked me why my daughter was always so well-behaved when she was at their house. I expect it was more because of her shyness around anyone other than me that was responsible than anything else. I just talked about natural consequences and about Rayleigh being good at other people's houses but not as much at home. Anyway, I didn't think about it again until I heard the grandmother talking to one of her granddaughters. She asked the girl, "How did you get powder on your face?" The little girl said that "the baby" did it. The baby was a toddler and completely capabled of getting powder on someone. The grandmother didn't believe her. She said, "Jesus can hear you lying" and the little girl said, "I thought Jesus was dead." I just didn't feel like it was a particularly compelling argument for the grandmother to use since it was too abstract for a 6 year old.

I'm fine with people practicing whatever religion feels right to them but there are times when I'm perplexed and can't imagine my asperger son being able to grasp religion. He is interested in religion but mostly is fascinated by Greek and Norse mythology. It's exciting and violent and I'm sure that's what most 13 year old boys would enjoy about these mythologies.

Sorry I hope I'm not offending anyone with this. I love this group so I don't want to pretend I'm something I'm not. I'm just glad I don't have to fight this particular battle with my son because I know it would be horrible. It would be like one more day of school for him. But then, I felt that way about church when I was a kid, too.

Miriam

> >

> > Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the child(ren)

> > with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesn't like church

> > any more (we are Catholic) because God hasn't ever done anything good for

> > her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive

> > add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because it

> > is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be

> > appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living under

> > our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.

> >

> > Theresa

> >

>

“Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” - Steve Jobs

March 16, 2010

i must be very hard at times to be a non christian in the bible belt. We live in SC, also part of the bible belt. We learned a LOT since living here. We stopped going to church on our own b/c our 1st was born before we were married and we felt outcast by it. But we moved here when she was 2, before her sister was born and eventually the mere prescense of blue laws and questions got us thinking about church again so we eventually tried several (and that is something b/c that is about all the catholic churches they have here, this is the protestant bible belt), 1 was too large, 1 was too friendly (how dh described it), and then we decided on ours. I was susprised how easy it was to go back, how easy it was to enroll my born out of wedlock (we were married by then but not in the church), non baptised child in the religion classes (noone cared). Then how easy it was to have them baptised, noone asked and they were even older. Two years ago (after attending that church, as is, including having 4 children baptised, over 5 years) we decided to have our marraige blessed (noone even mentioned it to us so we had to bring up the subject, that was a little harder, not b/c of them but b/c of our own feelings since we didnt think anyone else even knew we thought this was bringing it to everyones attn, but noone cared).

But even after we went back to church you still can feel bombarded in the bible belt. People ask where you go to church, if you dont they invite you to theirs and, for some, if your catholic (or some other apparantely not acceptable to them religion) they can have a lot of questions and some even arguements. We have even received a lot of comments about raising kids without religion (before we were back at church) and even comments and pamphlets on how the catholic church is wrong. I grew up in S FL where it is a very mixed religion, ethnicity, etc so it was very sad to learn that many protestants who were very church going so you tend to " expect " more of were very judgemental, it was almost as if they had two faces, 1 for looks and talk about the way you should be and 1 the way they actually were if you didnt agree with them. As we also had issues with girl scouts at churches, upward at churches, etc. And I wouldnt be honest if I said the catholic, or even my home church, was exempt, there are a few there as well but thankfully nowhere near the majority. I have made many great protestant friends though as well as kewish and even atheist and pagan(since I am AP you tend to find more of these amoung those for some reason). Yet I cant say they are always any better. They have seemed to be locally, at least all the ones I know but I have since some very anti christian pagans and aetheists online, I dont go around shoving my religion down anyones through or badmouthing any so I dont want to receive that in return either. It's sad that everyone cannot just be accepting, but maybe thats b/c thats what I expect b/c thats how I was raised. I am not sure if its as easy to do that someplace like SC that isnt as diverse but my children are being taught that.

On Mon, Mar 15, 2010 at 10:23 PM, <lakombert@...> wrote: