Re: Children with Aspergers and Religion

[Guest guest]

That's beautiful, Laurie.

Years ago, when my folks went on a mission trip to Pine Ridge Reservation in SD, they began a 'journey" into the Lakota's "religion". Man,,,,,,it's wonderful and there are major similarities between wiccan and the Native American "religion". It sure isn't what people think. After hearing a lot about it from my folks, I read a bunch about it and it was then, that we, as a family, stopped "conforming" to any church and decided to go where we felt "good".

So,,,,good for you for teaching your son your views while being open to others.........it's worked for us, as well.

It really is simple. Just treat others kindly and with respect.

Robin

From: lakombert@... <lakombert@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Children with Aspergers and Religion Date: Monday, March 15, 2010, 9:23 PM

In a message dated 3/15/2010 9:53:39 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, cjrlmcgmail (DOT) com writes:

I have mainly been a Lutheran all my life but found most churches to NOT be as accepting as I would expect from a God-filled place. I just started attending a Unity church and it is accepting of everyone and judges no one. I'm 40 years old and I've been a member of quite a few different churches but finally feel I am home. I would encourage anyone who is not finding the acceptance they deserve and need, to keep trying.

This is why I left both the Catholic church and Christianity in general. I had a priest tell me that my child couldn't be baptized in the church because he was a bastard born out of wedlock and that I was a harlot for having him. I never returned to my lifelong church after that.

I couldn't find my place in Christianity. But I found it in something else. It's not right for everyone but its right for me.

Dillon recently asked why we don't attend church. We live in the South, in the bible belt. I asked him why he asked. He said some kids in school asked him what church he went to and he said he didn't go to church. They asked him why. So he came home and asked.

I explained to him that I had different beliefs than his schoolmates and their families. That there was no right or wrong way to worship. Just what was right for each individual.

He thought for a few moments and said, "So I can still honor God and Goddess and say goodnight to Grandmother Moon?" I told him he most certainly can. He got a big smile on his face and said, "good!"

If there comes a time that he wishes to explore going to church I will be happy to bring him. I believe he should be exposed to a lot of different cultures and religions.

Laurie

[Guest guest]

You want to know something strange?? I got more of a difficult time in NY than I have here in TN being a non-Christian. At least in the area where I live, that is.

The woman that sold us our home and property, love her as I do, she is a wonderful neighbor, told others to stay away from us as we were Pagan.

When I heard what she was doing, I spoke to her. She's a member of the Jehovah Witnesses which I had a very good relationship with, btw, in NY. I explained to her that there is room for all religions and I was hurt that she would tell people to stay away from us. I also told her of the tolerance that her fellow Jehovah Witnesses had for me in NY and that we spent many an afternoon on my front poor swing debating religion in a social manner.

Things are better now with her. She no longer warns people off. My grandson is beginning to ask questions about other cultures (he's now learning Italian and French), and religions. I'll be thrilled to educate him so that hopefully he'll have the same viewpoint on religion as I do, or maybe he'll even have his own. And that's okay too!

Laurie

[Guest guest]

Good for you, Laurie. I was raised a Catholic and still have faith in God but am not actively religious because I have found many churches judgmental and hypocritical. It amazes me that people who talk a lot about some parts of the Bible (particularly when it comes to sexuality and what makes you a "sinner" in their eyes) conveniently forget the parts of the Bible in which Jesus spoke of love and compassion and caring for the sick and "whatsoever you do for the least of my brothers, that you do unto me." From: lakombert@...Date: Mon, 15 Mar 2010 22:23:50 -0400Subject: Re: ( ) Children with Aspergers and Religion

In a message dated 3/15/2010 9:53:39 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, cjrlmcgmail writes:

I have mainly been a Lutheran all my life but found most churches to NOT be as accepting as I would expect from a God-filled place. I just started attending a Unity church and it is accepting of everyone and judges no one. I'm 40 years old and I've been a member of quite a few different churches but finally feel I am home. I would encourage anyone who is not finding the acceptance they deserve and need, to keep trying.

This is why I left both the Catholic church and Christianity in general. I had a priest tell me that my child couldn't be baptized in the church because he was a bastard born out of wedlock and that I was a harlot for having him. I never returned to my lifelong church after that.

I couldn't find my place in Christianity. But I found it in something else. It's not right for everyone but its right for me.

Dillon recently asked why we don't attend church. We live in the South, in the bible belt. I asked him why he asked. He said some kids in school asked him what church he went to and he said he didn't go to church. They asked him why. So he came home and asked.

I explained to him that I had different beliefs than his schoolmates and their families. That there was no right or wrong way to worship. Just what was right for each individual.

He thought for a few moments and said, "So I can still honor God and Goddess and say goodnight to Grandmother Moon?" I told him he most certainly can. He got a big smile on his face and said, "good!"

If there comes a time that he wishes to explore going to church I will be happy to bring him. I believe he should be exposed to a lot of different cultures and religions.

Laurie

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[Guest guest]

I am so grateful that I live in Australia - we are free to be church goer or non church goers. Nobody refuses to baptise a child just because they are born out of wedlock - (except catholic priests in small towns, maybe). thought that went away with the dark ages actually. to me GOD accepts you no matter what - if the church goers have a prob with you and your child then THEY HAVE THE PROBLEM and I wouldn't count them as being christians just a bunch of hypocrits.

We have a much simpler life here - weddings and naming days (baptism) can be performed by celebrants. Don't get me wrong we do have churches here and sometimes you can get over the top attendees but we generally have the belief - as long as you don't shove your beliefs down our throat then I shove mine down yours - a much simpler way of living. :-)

In a message dated 3/15/2010 9:53:39 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, cjrlmcgmail (DOT) com writes:

I have mainly been a Lutheran all my life but found most churches to NOT be as accepting as I would expect from a God-filled place. I just started attending a Unity church and it is accepting of everyone and judges no one. I'm 40 years old and I've been a member of quite a few different churches but finally feel I am home. I would encourage anyone who is not finding the acceptance they deserve and need, to keep trying.

This is why I left both the Catholic church and Christianity in general. I had a priest tell me that my child couldn't be baptized in the church because he was a bastard born out of wedlock and that I was a harlot for having him. I never returned to my lifelong church after that.

I couldn't find my place in Christianity. But I found it in something else. It's not right for everyone but its right for me.

Dillon recently asked why we don't attend church. We live in the South, in the bible belt. I asked him why he asked. He said some kids in school asked him what church he went to and he said he didn't go to church. They asked him why. So he came home and asked.

I explained to him that I had different beliefs than his schoolmates and their families. That there was no right or wrong way to worship. Just what was right for each individual.

He thought for a few moments and said, "So I can still honor God and Goddess and say goodnight to Grandmother Moon?" I told him he most certainly can. He got a big smile on his face and said, "good!"

If there comes a time that he wishes to explore going to church I will be happy to bring him. I believe he should be exposed to a lot of different cultures and religions.

Laurie

-- -mommy to Emma, Becca, , and Girl Scout cookies are coming!

[Guest guest]

Hi Miriam, I'm glad you shared that. I'm open to anyone's beliefs, respect

them. (should I also say non-belief? seems that would still fall under

belief...)

Relating to the topic and what others have written, I've never been a

" churchgoer " myself but do have my faith. My kids would ask and I told them I

just never got anything out of the few times I attended church. Plus, though I

feel like I'm a social person -- I am talkative! -- I just somehow didn't feel

comfortable with the socializing at church. Dunno if that makes sense, LOL.

I'm just quiet in my faith is how I put it, just between me and God.

But with my 3 sons, my Aspie/OCD (now 21 yrs) started attending church in high

school (a Presbyterian one near our home) and I attended with him for a while

just to share it with him, etc. I eventually backed out and went less as he was

doing so well, plus later he joined the choir so that just left " me " sitting

there. He will not miss a day! Anyway, there is part of the church service

where they break and it's " greet your neighbor " time so everyone goes around,

says hi, shakes hands, etc. I was just always not comfortable with this...I

dunno, *forced* socializing? I was fine with saying " hi " to all those sitting

near me but not walking around the whole room, etc. And I griped more than once

to my son about this. So he's at some youth group event (I'm at home) and

they're sharing things with the group and he has to tell them ALL that I hate

that part of the church service!! I was embarrassed when he told me, and was

" WHY did you tell them that??!! " Oh well!

I will say the Aspie part that is a bit literal did create a few problems with

the Bible and then he also has OCD that is *active* and that played a part in

the problems. This was before he started going to church and was reading the

Bible at home. I found a minister who talked with him a couple of times and

answered all his questions. Whew! He still deals with what is called

" scrupulosity OCD. "

With religion, I just sort of embrace all beliefs. I think I take a little from

a lot maybe. I'm interested in what others think, history, etc. With my sons,

growing up they had bedtime prayers, etc. But I've more or less just let them

find their on paths. Oldest son also went to church with some neighbors when he

was young, stopped in 6th grade (he began to get bored, classes got too grown up

for him, less fun). As a teenager, he explored around with different

faith/non-faith ideas too.

The twin to my Aspie son (not identical) says he is an agnostic.

My older sister is Buddhist. Married into a Jewish family (now divorced) but

husband was Buddhist and they had 3 kids. She's also just let her kids find

their own way, beliefs.

OK, just went on & on there, LOL, but wanted to share about my son. Interesting

topic! I enjoy reading about everyone. And how their child relates.

>

> I've hesitated to say anything on this because my husband and I are atheist.

We have told our kids we want them to decide themselves when they're older and

can think about it themselves. For us this has worked extremely well with my

son. I can't imagine what it would have been like to try to take him to church

because anything that required him to be still or get along with other people

would have been a nightmare when he was younger. We went to a couple of

meetings for atheist families when we lived in Texas but as accepting and

laid-back as it was he still couldn't deal with it. I needed to

[Guest guest]

Hi all,

Just wanted to throw in my experience. Our church has gone above and beyond for

our Aspie son (age 6), even assigning him a " mentor " to help him keep focused

during Sunday school. Our Regligious Education Director has taken time to learn

about Asperger's and connected with an educational therapist in our congregation

to design a special plan for helping my son during class time. We've gone from

full-blown temper tantrums on Sunday morning to a little grumbling to sitting

quietly over the past year.

What I'm trying to say is that if you find the right church community (ours

happens to be Unitarian Universalist), they will SUPPORT you and your family

regardless of diagnosis.

Thanks,

Anne

[Guest guest]

I understood and now that I re-read it I'm like how did I get what I got and thats not what it said LOL oh well we are on the same page at least :-D On Mar 15, 2010, at 6:34 PM, and/or Robin Lemke wrote:

He he. I just re-read what I wrote....and I didn't mean in the first sentence that you had to ask me......I meant that, If you ask me, personally,,,,sure - go ahead and use it!!!!

It really is simple. Just treat others kindly and with respect.

Robin

From: theresa <footetmverizon (DOT) net>Subject: ( ) Children with Aspergers and Religion , AspergersCircleReceived: Sunday, 14 March, 2010, 8:32 AM

Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the child(ren) with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesn’t like church any more (we are Catholic) because God hasn’t ever done anything good for her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because it is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living under our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.

Theresa

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“Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” - Steve Jobs

“Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” - Steve Jobs

[Guest guest]

Oh I know those conversations, it is so interesting when you can

discuss religion with someone of another religion who is open minded,

without the badgering to convert you can learn so much about other

religions and cultures. Being a cradle catholic I have always been

curious about other religions (as I also am about other cultures) but

I also have no desire to convert so don't even want to go there. So I

love conversations that are q & a or healthy debate (not fighting)

On 3/16/10, lakombert@... <lakombert@...> wrote:

> You want to know something strange?? I got more of a difficult time in NY

> than I have here in TN being a non-Christian. At least in the area where

> I live, that is.

>

> The woman that sold us our home and property, love her as I do, she is a

> wonderful neighbor, told others to stay away from us as we were Pagan.

>

> When I heard what she was doing, I spoke to her. She's a member of the

> Jehovah Witnesses which I had a very good relationship with, btw, in NY. I

> explained to her that there is room for all religions and I was hurt that

> she would tell people to stay away from us. I also told her of the

> tolerance

> that her fellow Jehovah Witnesses had for me in NY and that we spent many

> an afternoon on my front poor swing debating religion in a social manner.

>

> Things are better now with her. She no longer warns people off. My

> grandson is beginning to ask questions about other cultures (he's now

> learning

> Italian and French), and religions. I'll be thrilled to educate him so

> that

> hopefully he'll have the same viewpoint on religion as I do, or maybe

> he'll even have his own. And that's okay too!

>

> Laurie

>

--

Sent from my mobile device

-mommy to Emma, Becca, ,

and

Girl Scout cookies are coming!

[Guest guest]

Laurie, where in NY are you? I'm just outside Albany From: lakombert@...Date: Tue, 16 Mar 2010 13:05:35 -0400Subject: Re: ( ) Children with Aspergers and Religion

You want to know something strange?? I got more of a difficult time in NY than I have here in TN being a non-Christian. At least in the area where I live, that is.

The woman that sold us our home and property, love her as I do, she is a wonderful neighbor, told others to stay away from us as we were Pagan.

When I heard what she was doing, I spoke to her. She's a member of the Jehovah Witnesses which I had a very good relationship with, btw, in NY. I explained to her that there is room for all religions and I was hurt that she would tell people to stay away from us. I also told her of the tolerance that her fellow Jehovah Witnesses had for me in NY and that we spent many an afternoon on my front poor swing debating religion in a social manner.

Things are better now with her. She no longer warns people off. My grandson is beginning to ask questions about other cultures (he's now learning Italian and French), and religions. I'll be thrilled to educate him so that hopefully he'll have the same viewpoint on religion as I do, or maybe he'll even have his own. And that's okay too!

Laurie

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[Guest guest]

ita, for the most part the church I go to is not like that but I go to a church that is downtown in a major city so not many houses around so we have an older priest (actually he is a monsignor) and a lot of folks who are looking for more traditional church go there instead of the nearer churches.  I am not sure if that means they embrace the whole church or ??? but I not only find a lot of christian people who are judgemental this is a peeve of mine, I am not " perfect " what human is but how can you be so big into all of the window dressings of a church and yet be so openly judgemental?  Since I myself do not like to be judgemental and try and work very hard on this, feeling it is one of my biggest sins and I am not anywhere near where most people I meet are so I would like to believe this people are just working on it as well but it is so hard when they are so open with this.  But the other thing I encounter so much is more a catholic thing, people who are so open and seemingly dont care that they do it or that anyone else knows they do things that are against the catholic church.  People who are so open with their form of birth control (yes, artificial birth control is still against the catholic church) or dont even care they don't attend mass weekly, etc yet refer to themselves as " active " catholics.

 

It is never a persons place to judge another person, even if it was, how can they, they have not led that persons life, they can never fully understand so do not have the ability to be able to judge

On Tue, Mar 16, 2010 at 9:47 AM, Barbara Pinckney <b-pinckney@...> wrote:

 

Good for you, Laurie. I was raised a Catholic and still have faith in God but am not actively religious because I have found many churches judgmental and hypocritical. It amazes me that people who talk a lot about some parts of the Bible (particularly when it comes to sexuality and what makes you a " sinner " in their eyes) conveniently forget the parts of the Bible in which Jesus spoke of love and compassion and caring for the sick and " whatsoever you do for the least of my brothers, that you do unto me. "

From: lakombert@...Date: Mon, 15 Mar 2010 22:23:50 -0400 Subject: Re: ( ) Children with Aspergers and Religion 

In a message dated 3/15/2010 9:53:39 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, cjrlmc@... writes:

I have mainly been a Lutheran all my life but found most churches to NOT be as accepting as I would expect from a God-filled place.  I just started attending a Unity church and it is accepting of everyone and judges no one.  I'm 40 years old and I've been a member of quite a few different churches but finally feel I am home.  I would encourage anyone who is not finding the acceptance they deserve and need, to keep trying.

This is why I left both the Catholic church and Christianity in general.  I had a priest tell me that my child couldn't be baptized in the church because he was a bastard born out of wedlock and that I was a harlot for having him.  I never returned to my lifelong church after that. 

 

I couldn't find my place in Christianity.  But I found it in something else.  It's not right for everyone but its right for me. 

 

Dillon recently asked why we don't attend church.  We live in the South, in the bible belt.  I asked him why he asked.  He said some kids in school asked him what church he went to and he said he didn't go to church.  They asked him why.  So he came home and asked. 

 

I explained to him that I had different beliefs than his schoolmates and their families.  That there was no right or wrong way to worship.  Just what was right for each individual.

 

He thought for a few moments and said, " So I can still honor God and Goddess and say goodnight to Grandmother Moon? "   I told him he most certainly can.  He got a big smile on his face and said, " good! "

 

If there comes a time that he wishes to explore going to church I will be happy to bring him.  I believe he should be exposed to a lot of different cultures and religions. 

 

Laurie

Hotmail has tools for the New Busy. Search, chat and e-mail from your inbox. Learn More.

-- -mommy to Emma, Becca, , and Girl Scout cookies are coming!

[Guest guest]

I was living in Troy. I'm now living in Tennessee but travel frequently back to the Capital District because my children, grandchildren, brothers, sisters, nieces, and nephews are all there.

We moved here in November 2008. Its a beautiful area, not far from the Smoky Mountains. And our grandson gets the great outdoors experience!

Laurie

[Guest guest]

That's what I loved about the Jehovah Witnesses in the Albany, NY area. They would come, sit on the porch with me, discuss religion and the philosophy behind what we believed. It was never an argument. They never tried to convert me, nor I, them.

One of the women was a self proclaimed "hippie" from the 60's. She was fun and easy to talk to but other than a few older women, most were sweet and loved to debate.

They knew right up front that I had no interest in converting, yet they still came every two weeks like clockwork. They would leave their Watchtowers with me, which I would chuckle at because in my religion, we call the Watchtowers in our workings.

It was nice and I really enjoyed them. I actually miss that, now that I think about it.

Laurie

[Guest guest]

I seem to find that with my asperger groups no matter how religious individuals

are or aren't people seem to accept each other. I try to be tolerant and

respectful and to treat people as I wish to be treated. That's a very simple

rule that seems to exist in all religions and belief systems. The only problem

with that is that my aspie figures if someone is mean they're asking to be

treated badly and he's more than willing to help them out with that. LOL. I'm

glad he will defend himself if needed but it really is hard to explain why

sometimes it's better to walk away.

> >

> > I've hesitated to say anything on this because my husband and I are atheist.

We have told our kids we want them to decide themselves when they're older and

can think about it themselves. For us this has worked extremely well with my

son. I can't imagine what it would have been like to try to take him to church

because anything that required him to be still or get along with other people

would have been a nightmare when he was younger. We went to a couple of

meetings for atheist families when we lived in Texas but as accepting and

laid-back as it was he still couldn't deal with it. I needed to

>

[Guest guest]

thats how they were in FL, I would talk to them even in my teens as would my dad but we never had an interest in converting.  they relly are mostly nice people it is just part of their religion that they spend so much time evangalizing (is that the right word)

On Tue, Mar 16, 2010 at 7:05 PM, <lakombert@...> wrote:

 

That's what I loved about the Jehovah Witnesses in the Albany, NY area.  They would come, sit on the porch with me, discuss religion and the philosophy behind what we believed.  It was never an argument.  They never tried to convert me, nor I, them.

 

One of the women was a self proclaimed " hippie " from the 60's.  She was fun and easy to talk to but other than a few older women, most were sweet and loved to debate.

 

They knew right up front that I had no interest in converting, yet they still came every two weeks like clockwork.  They would leave their Watchtowers with me, which I would chuckle at because in my religion, we call the Watchtowers in our workings. 

 

It was nice and I really enjoyed them.  I actually miss that, now that I think about it. 

 

Laurie

-- -mommy to Emma, Becca, , and Girl Scout cookies are coming!

[Guest guest]

Accepting each other. And that is what each church and its members should do

with children who don't fit in or have trouble with behavior...; should never

feel you aren't welcome.

>

> I seem to find that with my asperger groups no matter how religious

individuals are or aren't people seem to accept each other. I try to be

tolerant and respectful and to treat people as I wish to be treated. That's a

very simple rule that seems to exist in all religions and belief systems. The

only problem with that is that my aspie figures if someone is mean they're

asking to be treated badly and he's more than willing to help them out with

that. LOL. I'm glad he will defend himself if needed but it really is hard to

explain why sometimes it's better to walk away.

>

>

[Guest guest]

wow, we were neighbors. I am in Colonie, just over the line from Niskayuna From: lakombert@...Date: Tue, 16 Mar 2010 18:59:06 -0400Subject: Re: ( ) Children with Aspergers and Religion

I was living in Troy. I'm now living in Tennessee but travel frequently back to the Capital District because my children, grandchildren, brothers, sisters, nieces, and nephews are all there.

We moved here in November 2008. Its a beautiful area, not far from the Smoky Mountains. And our grandson gets the great outdoors experience!

Laurie

Hotmail has tools for the New Busy. Search, chat and e-mail from your inbox. Learn More.

[Guest guest]

It might be a good idea to educate these people about your dd's disability. A lot of times, people are afraid or against what they don't know or understand. If you educate them, they might have a new POV about the situations they notice and even help. http://www.jonathanschild.com/links <--- this is a page with some good links that you might find helpful.

Roxanna

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

( ) Children with Aspergers and Religion

, AspergersCircle

Received: Sunday, 14 March, 2010, 8:32 AM

Do any of you that go to church etc. have a hard time getting the child(ren) with Aspergers to go? My 13 yr old has decided that she doesn’t like church any more (we are Catholic) because God hasn’t ever done anything good for her. Could this be because she is blaming him because she has inattentive add and Aspergers or is it just because of her age? Could it be because it is boring to her and she gets lost? Any thoughts advice etc would be appreciated as we have told her that while she is under 18 and living under our roof, she is going to church with us as a family.

Theresa

Hotmail: Trusted email with Microsoft’s powerful SPAM protection. Sign up now.

“Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.†- Steve Jobs