Re: Son Depressed , I'm depressed

[Guest guest]

My heart goes out to you!! Even as I am writing this, I am praying for you as well!! Just remember that this, tooo, shall pass. All these temporal troubles and heartaches and trials, they too will pass. The Lord says in His words, He will never leave you nor forsake you for He loves you, just as He loves your son as well. I can sympathize w/ what you're going thru as I see it in my son as well. He gets so obsessed over his friendships and if for some reason this friendship is threatened, he will scream and rant and threaten us etc etc. We just have to learn to ignore it, and he is also undergoing neurofeedback therapy w/ a psychologist as well as some cognitive therapy thrown in there as well. I think so far it's helping, it's helping him calm down a bit. Just hang in there and know you are in my

prayers.

Vickie

From: jrushen <jrushen@...>Subject: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Tuesday, September 15, 2009, 1:28 PM

Oh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so down ...and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to another boy who was being home schooled but is back now. They ride the bus together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are going to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said he could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would not talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BF then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him. Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him before. My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left it in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard from her yet...and my son just got home and went straight into his room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the

meantime, I asked him about his IPOD and he said it was gone. The ear phones were in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went into his locker and stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going wrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.Help!jan

[Guest guest]

Oh Jan, that is so sad, I feel for you and your son, its hard to see then so sad and cruelly treated by others, also hard to deal with the fall out, its you that bears the brunt because your the ones that he can vent his anger on and feel safe that you won't leave him, even though we might feel like it sometimes.

Does the BF have anything to do with the Ipod going walk about? My son gives stuff away to try and keep friends, luckily he's only 6 so it tends to be haribo. lol

Buy a punch bag or get down to the gym and work the anger and frustration off, both of you!!

Lorraine B

From: jrushen <jrushen@...>Subject: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Tuesday, 15 September, 2009, 9:28 PM

Oh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so down ...and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to another boy who was being home schooled but is back now. They ride the bus together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are going to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said he could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would not talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BF then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him. Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him before. My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left it in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard from her yet...and my son just got home and went straight into his room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the

meantime, I asked him about his IPOD and he said it was gone. The ear phones were in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went into his locker and stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going wrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.Help!jan

[Guest guest]

Oh, Jan, I am so sorry! {{{{{hugs}}}}} I think this is harder on the parent

because they can see the bigger picture. I know it is not much consolation, but

so many kids, on the spectrum and not, deal with mean rotten kids like this.

Your story made me remember the time I was stood up by my Junior Prom date!

There I was all dressed up and he never showed. I was devastated, but, it made

me more careful when it came to picking dates. Even as an adult, my husband and

I were hired to photograph a group of people on a trip. Turned out they were all

unmarried women in their late twenties. They were " MEAN " girls. Just like high

school, he and I were the outcasts and they did everything they could to make

sure we felt excluded from their group! Whether it was sharing candy with their

" group " on the bus and bypassing us. Does this not sound unbelievable juvenile!

I couldn't believe even as an adult it happens. People are rude and cliqueish. I

know you wish you could fix it for him, it hurts! If he made this one friend,

then he's got some skills already to find another one, a better more loyal one!

Good luck to you and son.

Sue in TN

>

> Oh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so down

....and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to another boy who was

being home schooled but is back now. They ride the bus together and my son

rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are going to do that day and

leave him out. The other day...his BF said he could not come down and that the

other kid wasn't home...lie. My son was on the phone when he heard the other

boy...and his BF would not talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down

there....his BF then made up a story that they were going to come up and

surprise him. Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him

before.

>

> My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left it in his

locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard from her yet...and my

son just got home and went straight into his room....he was calling his

BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, I asked him about his IPOD and he

said it was gone. The ear phones were in his backpack....I am wondering if

someone went into his locker and stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said

we could get him a new one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude

and down right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going

wrong with friends in school.

>

> I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he doesn't

want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.

> I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.

> Help!

>

> jan

>

[Guest guest]

Lorraine...you are so right...my son releases all his anger on us....and it hurts me and I am tired of it....but I never thought of it like you put it...He feels safe and knows we are not going to leave him....I have to keep telling myself that.

I am not sure about the IPod...the Asst. Principal checked the conference room where my son goes after school...no students can go in there and it is right between the principal's office and her office. I really think someone got in his locker...and stole it.

My son gives stuff away too! Just to keep his friends....ugh! But I do now that he would never give his Ipod to anyone...he loved it and his music downloaded on to it..

than

Jan

as you can see my j l (middle letter in between J L) is now not wor ing. Ugh ...always something!

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open tmmo all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Tuesday, 15 September, 2009, 9:28 PM

Oh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so down ...and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to another boy who was being home schooled but is back now. They ride the bus together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are going to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said he could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would not talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BF then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him. Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him before. My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left it in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard from her yet...and my son just got home and went straight into his room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the

meantime, I asked him about his IPOD and he said it was gone. The ear phones were in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went into his locker and stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going wrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.Help!jan

[Guest guest]

>

> Lorraine...you are so right...my son releases all his anger on us....and it

hurts me and I am tired of it....but I never thought of it like you put it...He

feels safe and knows we are not going to leave him....I have to keep telling

myself that.

>  

> I am not sure about the IPod...the Asst. Principal checked the conference room

where my son goes after school...no students can go in there and it is right

between the principal's office and her office.  I really think someone got in

his locker...and stole it.

>  

> My son gives stuff away too! Just to keep his friends....ugh! But I do  now

that he would never give his Ipod to anyone...he loved it and his music

downloaded on to it..

I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this, Jan. Not that we

aren't too, so I know how it feels.

Aside from the problems with " friends " , but son also got his ipod stolen at

school. It was in 7th grade during final exams. We never really found out what

happened, but we figure with the change in schedules, someone had their eye on

it and saw a chance to take it.

We waited a few months to buy him a new one, so he would appreciate its absence.

He loves his music. He hasn't lost his new one; and he is in 9th grade now, so

it has been over a year. I think he keeps it right in his pocket, so nobody can

take it; and he makes sure it is secure so it can't fall out. They aren't

supposed to have them in class, but as long as it is turned off and he doesn't

use it, nobody cares (or knows). He also uses it on the school bus. We haven't

had any school bus problems since he started using one (or an mp3 player). I'm

not sure they are supposed to have one on the bus (at least in the younger

years), but he knows how to be quiet about it. I suspect the drivers just never

cared too much.

I think it takes our aspies some practice to learn to keep track of such things,

like all kids but I think maybe a little worse. When he was younger, he

exchanged his ipod for a broken one because he thought we could just take it in

and get it fixed/replaced. He didn't really understand what a warranty was and

that it was based on a particular serial number! Some kid he didn't really know

talked him into this, and we never did find out who the kid was or get our ipod

back.

[Guest guest]

Its tough when our kids do this, stay strong Jan, you always have such good advice for everyone, I'm sure you'll get through this.

Is your son a member of any clubs or anything, I hear martial arts like tae kwon do are good as they are non contact and teach routines. Might help build his self confidence.

And I know its the same old thing but have you tried a reward chart for a new IPOD focusing on rewarding good behaviour towards you and your husband? Even though we are the ones that will stick with them, its not acceptable to be treated so badly. My comments maybe be somewhat niave as my son is only 6 and I haven't had the experience of the teen years, so apologies for that.

Lor B

PS Here's some k's for you kkkkkk

lol

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Tuesday, 15 September, 2009, 9:28 PM

Oh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so down ...and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to another boy who was being home schooled but is back now. They ride the bus together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are going to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said he could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would not talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BF then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him. Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him before. My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left it in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard from her yet...and my son just got home and went straight into his room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the

meantime, I asked him about his IPOD and he said it was gone. The ear phones were in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went into his locker and stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going wrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.Help!jan

[Guest guest]

thank you Lorraine...and guess what my son fixed my KKKKKs....I must admit...even though my son can treat us badly...he always comes in and apologizes. This is new....and of course we forgive him. I think he told me 4 times last night that he loved me. I always tell him I love him but that I don't like the way he acts sometimes.

We are hanging in ....he is mellow....his older friend came down yesterday and today and they threw the football around....his once "BF" went bike riding with the other kid and didn't invite my son. I wanted to cry when he called his BF's house....he was told he wasn't home. My son then got on his bike...I think he went to look for them...he came back...and tried the kids house again. He left a message for him to call him....but of course he didn't. I get so angry and mad at myself....we took this kids everywhere with us this past summer, we took him to the swim park many times while his mom was working...we even took his sister...he slept over all the time,,,we fed him and took him to different events. His family took my son once ...I think I have to toughen up and say NO More taking other kids or paying for them...I feel I get jerked too. It was so nice having him as my son's BF. He live right around the

corner and he is small and quiet ...and a good role model for my son. Well, I just hope my son learns to play his game....and the other boy was my son's bf when they were in kindergarten...but in 5th grade his step-father ...would not let him play with my son.....why...because he thought he was perfect and my son isn't. Yeah right! This kid is super smart but called my son stupid,moron, mental...etc. He got lunch detention for it and the step dad tried to get him out of it...I dislike it when parents feel that their kids are perfect....yeah ...in their dreams.

My son is doing pretty good in school this year...so I guess I must focus on that....I am going to think about getting another ipod...for his birthday in Oct. we are going to buy him a 10 speed mountain bike...he has outgrown his other two. And, maybe we will get a car rack and go on trips.

Thanks...I know this group is so good and understanding...it is wonderful to know I can get comfort from all of you.

jan

xoxo

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Tuesday, 15 September, 2009, 9:28 PM

Oh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so down ...and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to another boy who was being home schooled but is back now. They ride the bus together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are going to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said he could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would not talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BF then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him. Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him before. My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left it in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard from her yet...and my son just got home and went straight into his room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the

meantime, I asked him about his IPOD and he said it was gone. The ear phones were in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went into his locker and stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going wrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.Help!jan

[Guest guest]

Yes...my son uses his on the bus too....they are allowed... I think the drivers like it when they do because the kids are quieter....and on Fridays' in my son's Reading class they are allowed to use them...it is her treat to the kids. My son has been wearing his basketball shorts in school and I think the pockets are too flimsy....and he figured it was in his backpack and in the locker ...so it would be safe...he has been good with it ..as we gave it to him last Christmas... But you are right...he can lose or misplace things all the time...it is just that he doesn't think about it and runs to be with the kids or his friends. So, I think we will wait a while too. I was thinking of getting him a cheap one to take to school and have the better one for home and trips. He thinks one of the kids on the bus took it. So, it has not been a good

week for him...ipod stolen and BF stolen too! It is so sad how he was good friend with this boy and now that the other kid came into the picture....his bf just dropped him like a hot potatoe...I hope my son learns from this ...my son is very very forgiving because he just wants friends to hang with ...I just hope he doesn't let this kids run back into his life when the other kids dumps him.

Thanks for the advice. Thanks for listening...thanks for being here for me....

jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: r_woman2 <me2ruth@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Wednesday, September 16, 2009, 11:03 PM

>> Lorraine...you are so right...my son releases all his anger on us....and it hurts me and I am tired of it....but I never thought of it like you put it...He feels safe and knows we are not going to leave him....I have to keep telling myself that.> > I am not sure about the IPod...the Asst. Principal checked the conference room where my son goes after school...no students can go in there and it is right between the principal's office and her office. I really think someone got in his locker...and stole it. > > My son gives stuff away too! Just to keep his friends....ugh! But I do now that he would never give his Ipod to anyone...he

loved it and his music downloaded on to it..I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this, Jan. Not that we aren't too, so I know how it feels. Aside from the problems with "friends", but son also got his ipod stolen at school. It was in 7th grade during final exams. We never really found out what happened, but we figure with the change in schedules, someone had their eye on it and saw a chance to take it.We waited a few months to buy him a new one, so he would appreciate its absence. He loves his music. He hasn't lost his new one; and he is in 9th grade now, so it has been over a year. I think he keeps it right in his pocket, so nobody can take it; and he makes sure it is secure so it can't fall out. They aren't supposed to have them in class, but as long as it is turned off and he doesn't use it, nobody cares (or knows). He also uses it on the school bus. We haven't had any school bus problems since he started using

one (or an mp3 player). I'm not sure they are supposed to have one on the bus (at least in the younger years), but he knows how to be quiet about it. I suspect the drivers just never cared too much.I think it takes our aspies some practice to learn to keep track of such things, like all kids but I think maybe a little worse. When he was younger, he exchanged his ipod for a broken one because he thought we could just take it in and get it fixed/replaced. He didn't really understand what a warranty was and that it was based on a particular serial number! Some kid he didn't really know talked him into this, and we never did find out who the kid was or get our ipod back.

[Guest guest]

gosh i am sorry to hear this. it sounds all so familiar. my daughter has had

very few friends. we also invite a friend (when there has been one) to fun

places as well as sleepovers whenever. make it easy for the other parents, as

we appreciate the friendship. but it usually ends up pretty much like your

recent experience. it is so sad to sit and watch and not be able to do anything

about it.

at least he may be able to rekindle his friendship with this other boy?

best wishes.

melody k.

>

>

> From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>

> Subject: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed

>

> Date: Tuesday, 15 September, 2009, 9:28 PM

>

>

>  

>

> Oh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so down

....and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to another boy who was

being home schooled but is back now. They ride the bus together and my son rides

the smaller bus. So they plan what they are going to do that day and leave him

out. The other day...his BF said he could not come down and that the other kid

wasn't home...lie. My son was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his

BF would not talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BF

then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him. Yeah

right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him before.

>

> My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left it in his

locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard from her yet...and my

son just got home and went straight into his room....he was calling his

BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, I asked him about his IPOD and he said

it was gone. The ear phones were in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone

went into his locker and stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could

get him a new one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down

right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going wrong with

friends in school.

>

> I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he doesn't

want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.

> I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.

> Help!

>

> jan

>

[Guest guest]

Hang in there Jan. When my older ds got depressed and no longer could

go to school, I got so depressed at the same time. It was really very

hard to get through that. The best help I did for myself was to not

look at long term issues - just deal with short term problems, deal

with today. That helped me. If I looked at the future, it was so bad.

I could not see anything good happening from this. So that just

reinforced the depression.

Also, remember that what is going on now will have an end and a

resolution. My ds ended up getting tutored. I felt so depressed that

he was missing school and out of the loop. But really, it was the

beginning of good things for him. He did really well in the 1-1

tutoring vs. classroom. He got A's instead of C's, D's and F's. He

didn't have to work so hard to compensate for his LD and the tutor went

at the pace that suited him. He regained his self-esteem enough to try

the computer classes and attend school again after two years. And he

excelled at computers and found his " calling " in life. So out of what

I thought was the very worst and lowest point came all the good stuff.

You could not have convinced me it was good at the time though! I saw

nothing but despair. But know you are not alone.

Also, if his " bf " is such a wishy washy kid, maybe he shouldn't be his

bf! When these kinds20of problems happen to my 12 yo ds (hfa), I often

try to steer him into examining why he likes this person and if this is

a relationship worthwhile to him. He does not always see the point.

But maybe eventually he will. The point is, I let him know that from

my perspective, this has not been a good friend to him anyway. It

hurts to lose a friend (esp. when he has so few and now none...) but he

should also not be friends with someone who is not being nice to him.

So speak up and make the relationship better or find a new friend or

activity. That is my usual " pep talk. " I have to be careful not to

outright criticize the friend. Instead, I comment on what is happening

to get him thinking (hopefully).

But of course, it never looks that easy at the moment it is happening -

the tears, the hurt...I understand how it hurts us as parents too!!

As for the ipod, ugh. They are so pricey. We've gone through a number

of them because they either stopped working or were lost or stolen. My

older ds is into the " zune " models, also pricey but " better " than

ipods, he says. My dd got one for her birthday and someone stole it at

school last year. It was in her purse and then it was gone after art

class one day. Now I buy the kids the cheaper MP3 players. For $20 to

$50, they hold tons of music. We download music off amazon too -

simple. I

think the ipod music is in a different format so you can't

easily transfer the music to another player. It's MP4 or something

like that. So that really annoyed me to find that out after buying a

bunch of music!

Hang in there!!

 Roxanna

" The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do

nothing. " E. Burke

( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed

Oh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so

down ...and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to another

boy who was being home schooled but is back now. They ride the bus

together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are

going to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said he

could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son

was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would not

talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BF

then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him.

Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him

before.

My son came home yesterday and sa

id he either lost his IPOD or left it

in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard from

her yet...and my son just got home and went straight into his

room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, I

asked him about his IPOD and he said it was gone. The ear phones were

in his backpack....I am wondering if someone went into his locker and

stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new

one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down

right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going

wrong with friends in school.

I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he

doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.

I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.

Help!

jan

[Guest guest]

Oh...things got worse ..and my son blames me. And, yes it was partly my fault but I could not stand it any more. All week long D & S hung out and left my son out. My son called S today but he said D was coming down and that D didn't want to hang out with him. Now my son and S were bf for almost 2 years...and now he is being dropped for D who really hurt my son in 5th grade. My son begged S to let him come down....and it was at that point I told my son to get off the phone. Then I heard a bang...and then my son went in his bedroom and called S back. I went into the den and saw he punched his computer because he was so angry. I went into the bedroom and told him to get off the phone...he was begging ...omg...it was so awful and painful to hear...I was raging at this point...my son got off the phone and

threw it and made a nice hole in the closet door. I then lost it ...I lost it and flipped out on him. I started swinging and hitting...my son is now taller than me and blocked me...he told me to drop dead and go to hell...I told his to "leave". My son left and rode his bike down to S's house. S told him he doesn't want to be friends anymore ..he doesn't want to talk to him. My son came home and is so depressed, angry and sad. I want to go down and punch this kid...I won't...but after all we have done...all the sleep overs...etc. etc. and this kid drops him like a hot potatoe. I hate kids...

I think I am having a breakdown...I called the mobile therapist who came over. I could not even breathe....too many bad things are happening and everyone is leaving me....omg...

jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Friday, September 18, 2009, 9:46 AM

Hang in there Jan. When my older ds got depressed and no longer could go to school, I got so depressed at the same time. It was really very hard to get through that. The best help I did for myself was to not look at long term issues - just deal with short term problems, deal with today. That helped me. If I looked at the future, it was so bad. I could not see anything good happening from this. So that just reinforced the depression.Also, remember that what is going on now will have an end and a resolution. My ds ended up getting tutored. I felt so depressed that he was missing school and out of the loop. But really, it was the beginning of good things for him. He did really well in the 1-1 tutoring vs. classroom. He got A's instead of C's, D's and F's. He didn't have to work so hard to compensate for his LD and the tutor went at the pace that suited him. He regained his self-esteem enough to

try the computer classes and attend school again after two years. And he excelled at computers and found his "calling" in life. So out of what I thought was the very worst and lowest point came all the good stuff. You could not have convinced me it was good at the time though! I saw nothing but despair. But know you are not alone.Also, if his "bf" is such a wishy washy kid, maybe he shouldn't be his bf! When these kinds20of problems happen to my 12 yo ds (hfa), I often try to steer him into examining why he likes this person and if this is a relationship worthwhile to him. He does not always see the point. But maybe eventually he will. The point is, I let him know that from my perspective, this has not been a good friend to him anyway. It hurts to lose a friend (esp. when he has so few and now none...) but he should also not be friends with someone who is not being nice to him. So speak up and

make the relationship better or find a new friend or activity. That is my usual "pep talk." I have to be careful not to outright criticize the friend. Instead, I comment on what is happening to get him thinking (hopefully).But of course, it never looks that easy at the moment it is happening - the tears, the hurt...I understand how it hurts us as parents too!!As for the ipod, ugh. They are so pricey. We've gone through a number of them because they either stopped working or were lost or stolen. My older ds is into the "zune" models, also pricey but "better" than ipods, he says. My dd got one for her birthday and someone stole it at school last year. It was in her purse and then it was gone after art class one day. Now I buy the kids the cheaper MP3 players. For $20 to $50, they hold tons of music. We download music off amazon too - simple. I think the ipod music is in a different format so

you can't easily transfer the music to another player. It's MP4 or something like that. So that really annoyed me to find that out after buying a bunch of music!Hang in there!! Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedOh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so down ...and my son is feeling the

same. He lost his BF ...to another boy who was being home schooled but is back now. They ride the bus together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are going to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said he could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would not talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BF then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him. Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him before.My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left it in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard from her yet...and my son just got home and went straight into his room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, I asked him about his IPOD and he said it

was gone. The ear phones were in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went into his locker and stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going wrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.Help!jan

[Guest guest]

>

> Oh...things got worse ..

Sorry to hear, Jan. Just know everybody loses it now and then. Yes, you

definitely need some professional help yourself. I would imagine about all of

us going through this do. I've taken medication for anxiety myself, and it

really helps take the edge off. Really helps keep you more stable and thus

helps prevent the losing it end of things. Does your health insurance cover

mental health? Even if it doesn't, you could probably get medication through

your family doctor. I like psychiatrists better because they will often let you

renew your prescriptions over the phone instead of making you come in and pay

for an office visit.

[Guest guest]

This all sounds really intense and I'm sorry the both of you had to go through it. I think you are inherently a "fixer" and want to make things better, which I totally understand. But it sounds like you are way too involved with the back-and-forth of what's going on. Some of this is regular teenager stuff and you getting in the middle of it probably feels to your son like you're rubbing salt in his wound. I don't think, whatsoever, that it's your intention, but think about how embarrassed he must feel when you're in the middle of this, seeing the rejection and basically being "right?" Know what I mean? I know it's hard not get so involved, but unless your son is personally at risk for hurting himself or others, I'd try to stay out of it.

My other concern is it seems like your anger about the situation turned into anger towards your son this last time and that is dangerous. It also doesn't teach your son the appropriate way of dealing with anger. Again, I know you were in the heat of the moment and I don't think it was your intention, but if you get so angry that you start hitting your son, there is definitely a problem. I think you need to see someone pretty quickly about healthy ways of dealing with your anger and frustration over all of this. Like you said, your son is bigger than you now and getting into a physical altercation would result in nothing good for either of you.

Aren't you married? Where was your husband through all of this?

I would strongly encourage you to try and extricate yourself from your son's social life, at least so you aren't so much involved with what's going on. Maybe you could sit down with your son and apologize for your part in this last altercation and talk about what you were trying to do vs. what you did and then make a vow that you're going to try and stay out of his personal life unless he asks for your help. What do you think about that?

Hang in there...

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: rushen janice <jrushen@...> Sent: Friday, September 18, 2009 5:04:59 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed

Oh...things got worse ..and my son blames me. And, yes it was partly my fault but I could not stand it any more. All week long D & S hung out and left my son out. My son called S today but he said D was coming down and that D didn't want to hang out with him. Now my son and S were bf for almost 2 years...and now he is being dropped for D who really hurt my son in 5th grade. My son begged S to let him come down....and it was at that point I told my son to get off the phone. Then I heard a bang...and then my son went in his bedroom and called S back. I went into the den and saw he punched his computer because he was so angry. I went into the bedroom and told him to get off the phone...he was begging ...omg...it was so awful and painful to hear...I was raging at this point...my son got off the phone and threw it and made a nice hole in the closet door. I then lost it ...I lost it and flipped out

on him. I started swinging and hitting...my son is now taller than me and blocked me...he told me to drop dead and go to hell...I told his to "leave". My son left and rode his bike down to S's house. S told him he doesn't want to be friends anymore ..he doesn't want to talk to him. My son came home and is so depressed, angry and sad. I want to go down and punch this kid...I won't...but after all we have done...all the sleep overs...etc. etc. and this kid drops him like a hot potatoe. I hate kids...

I think I am having a breakdown... I called the mobile therapist who came over. I could not even breathe....too many bad things are happening and everyone is leaving me....omg...

jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Roxanna <MadIdeasaol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Friday, September 18, 2009, 9:46 AM

Hang in there Jan. When my older ds got depressed and no longer could go to school, I got so depressed at the same time. It was really very hard to get through that. The best help I did for myself was to not look at long term issues - just deal with short term problems, deal with today. That helped me. If I looked at the future, it was so bad. I could not see anything good happening from this. So that just reinforced the depression.Also, remember that what is going on now will have an end and a resolution. My ds ended up getting tutored. I felt so depressed that he was missing school and out of the loop. But really, it was the beginning of good things for him. He did really well in the 1-1 tutoring vs. classroom. He got A's instead of C's, D's and F's. He didn't have to work so hard to compensate for his LD and the tutor went at the pace that suited him. He regained his self-esteem enough to

try the computer classes and attend school again after two years. And he excelled at computers and found his "calling" in life. So out of what I thought was the very worst and lowest point came all the good stuff. You could not have convinced me it was good at the time though! I saw nothing but despair. But know you are not alone.Also, if his "bf" is such a wishy washy kid, maybe he shouldn't be his bf! When these kinds20of problems happen to my 12 yo ds (hfa), I often try to steer him into examining why he likes this person and if this is a relationship worthwhile to him. He does not always see the point. But maybe eventually he will. The point is, I let him know that from my perspective, this has not been a good friend to him anyway. It hurts to lose a friend (esp. when he has so few and now none...) but he should also not be friends with someone who is not being nice to him. So speak up and

make the relationship better or find a new friend or activity. That is my usual "pep talk." I have to be careful not to outright criticize the friend. Instead, I comment on what is happening to get him thinking (hopefully).But of course, it never looks that easy at the moment it is happening - the tears, the hurt...I understand how it hurts us as parents too!!As for the ipod, ugh. They are so pricey. We've gone through a number of them because they either stopped working or were lost or stolen. My older ds is into the "zune" models, also pricey but "better" than ipods, he says. My dd got one for her birthday and someone stole it at school last year. It was in her purse and then it was gone after art class one day. Now I buy the kids the cheaper MP3 players. For $20 to $50, they hold tons of music. We download music off amazon too - simple. I think the ipod music is in a different format so

you can't easily transfer the music to another player. It's MP4 or something like that. So that really annoyed me to find that out after buying a bunch of music!Hang in there!! Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedOh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so down ...and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to another boy who was being home schooled but is back now.

They ride the bus together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are going to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said he could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would not talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BF then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him. Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him before.My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left it in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard from her yet...and my son just got home and went straight into his room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, I asked him about his IPOD and he said it was gone. The ear phones were in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went

into his locker and stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going wrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.Help!jan

[Guest guest]

,

you are right..I hate to admit it...and I didn't handle this well. I think I am too overwhelmed and depressed about a lot of things. I was so angry that he punched the lap top ...and now it doesn't work...the screen is a rainbow and shattered. I was angry that he begged.

Yes, I am too involved...but this is why...my son says things or does things that are inappropriate....the texting and computer (well he doesn't have one now). I am so afraid he will do something and the parents and/or police will get involved.

Yesterday, Saturday, this ex-b.f. texted my son 20 times...with nasty comments. Then he went to another boy in the neighborhood and told a lie about my son...this boy then texted my son's only friend and said my son was talking about his father who died. It is all so catty...my son was angry and depressed. This boy even said "when T leaves, you will be lonely"... so he was trying to get T angry at my son. That is too cruel. Luckily T knew the truth.

My husband finally called S's parents and told them to stop their child from texting ...he had texted him 20 times in one day...we told our son not to text him back and that if he does he will loose his phone.

By the way my husband was on his way home from work on Friday when the incident occurred. We can get the computer fixed as I had insurance plan on it...but now he won't get it back. I am so tired of the anger he has and the damaging things in our house. I just flew into a rage and admit it was wrong...but at the moment I actually could not handle any of this.

I called a new psychologist and will make an appt. with him.

I feel ashamed now ...

jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Roxanna <MadIdeasaol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Friday, September 18, 2009, 9:46 AM

Hang in there Jan. When my older ds got depressed and no longer could go to school, I got so depressed at the same time. It was really very hard to get through that. The best help I did for myself was to not look at long term issues - just deal with short term problems, deal with today. That helped me. If I looked at the future, it was so bad. I could not see anything good happening from this. So that just reinforced the depression.Also, remember that what is going on now will have an end and a resolution. My ds ended up getting tutored. I felt so depressed that he was missing school and out of the loop. But really, it was the beginning of good things for him. He did really well in the 1-1 tutoring vs. classroom. He got A's instead of C's, D's and F's. He didn't have to work so hard to compensate for his LD and the tutor went at the pace that suited him. He regained his self-esteem enough to

try the computer classes and attend school again after two years. And he excelled at computers and found his "calling" in life. So out of what I thought was the very worst and lowest point came all the good stuff. You could not have convinced me it was good at the time though! I saw nothing but despair. But know you are not alone.Also, if his "bf" is such a wishy washy kid, maybe he shouldn't be his bf! When these kinds20of problems happen to my 12 yo ds (hfa), I often try to steer him into examining why he likes this person and if this is a relationship worthwhile to him. He does not always see the point. But maybe eventually he will. The point is, I let him know that from my perspective, this has not been a good friend to him anyway. It hurts to lose a friend (esp. when he has so few and now none...) but he should also not be friends with someone who is not being nice to him. So speak up and

make the relationship better or find a new friend or activity. That is my usual "pep talk." I have to be careful not to outright criticize the friend. Instead, I comment on what is happening to get him thinking (hopefully).But of course, it never looks that easy at the moment it is happening - the tears, the hurt...I understand how it hurts us as parents too!!As for the ipod, ugh. They are so pricey. We've gone through a number of them because they either stopped working or were lost or stolen. My older ds is into the "zune" models, also pricey but "better" than ipods, he says. My dd got one for her birthday and someone stole it at school last year. It was in her purse and then it was gone after art class one day. Now I buy the kids the cheaper MP3 players. For $20 to $50, they hold tons of music. We download music off amazon too - simple. I think the ipod music is in a different format so

you can't easily transfer the music to another player. It's MP4 or something like that. So that really annoyed me to find that out after buying a bunch of music!Hang in there!! Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedOh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so down ...and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to another boy who was being home schooled but is back now.

They ride the bus together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are going to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said he could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would not talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BF then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him. Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him before.My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left it in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard from her yet...and my son just got home and went straight into his room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, I asked him about his IPOD and he said it was gone. The ear phones were in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went

into his locker and stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going wrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.Help!jan

[Guest guest]

How do you stay out of it when you are afraid of what your child might say or do in such instances....with all this texting and computer ....I worry. Yes, I did get way too involved and you are right...but my son gets in trouble quite often...I am afraid.

And, no I didn't handle the situation correctly...but when I saw the computer...the screen was a rainbow...all smashed and shattered...$1700.00 ....I lost it.

I need help and quickly. I called a psychologist and will try to get in this week. We do go to the Psychiatrist for meds. check on tuesday...so I will talk to them.

And this ex-b.f. sent 20 texts to my son yesterday. He even tried to get the one last friend he has to be mad at him. He is going around spreading rumors and lies about my son.

My husband finally called the kid's dad and told him nicely that he would appreciate it if he told his son to stop texting our son. of course this dad had to bring up an incident from last year.

I am ashamed about all of this ...but i am to overwhelmed...

j

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Roxanna <MadIdeasaol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Friday, September 18, 2009, 9:46 AM

Hang in there Jan. When my older ds got depressed and no longer could go to school, I got so depressed at the same time. It was really very hard to get through that. The best help I did for myself was to not look at long term issues - just deal with short term problems, deal with today. That helped me. If I looked at the future, it was so bad. I could not see anything good happening from this. So that just reinforced the depression.Also, remember that what is going on now will have an end and a resolution. My ds ended up getting tutored. I felt so depressed that he was missing school and out of the loop. But really, it was the beginning of good things for him. He did really well in the 1-1 tutoring vs. classroom. He got A's instead of C's, D's and F's. He didn't have to work so hard to compensate for his LD and the tutor went at the pace that suited him. He regained his self-esteem enough to

try the computer classes and attend school again after two years. And he excelled at computers and found his "calling" in life. So out of what I thought was the very worst and lowest point came all the good stuff. You could not have convinced me it was good at the time though! I saw nothing but despair. But know you are not alone.Also, if his "bf" is such a wishy washy kid, maybe he shouldn't be his bf! When these kinds20of problems happen to my 12 yo ds (hfa), I often try to steer him into examining why he likes this person and if this is a relationship worthwhile to him. He does not always see the point. But maybe eventually he will. The point is, I let him know that from my perspective, this has not been a good friend to him anyway. It hurts to lose a friend (esp. when he has so few and now none...) but he should also not be friends with someone who is not being nice to him. So speak up and

make the relationship better or find a new friend or activity. That is my usual "pep talk." I have to be careful not to outright criticize the friend. Instead, I comment on what is happening to get him thinking (hopefully).But of course, it never looks that easy at the moment it is happening - the tears, the hurt...I understand how it hurts us as parents too!!As for the ipod, ugh. They are so pricey. We've gone through a number of them because they either stopped working or were lost or stolen. My older ds is into the "zune" models, also pricey but "better" than ipods, he says. My dd got one for her birthday and someone stole it at school last year. It was in her purse and then it was gone after art class one day. Now I buy the kids the cheaper MP3 players. For $20 to $50, they hold tons of music. We download music off amazon too - simple. I think the ipod music is in a different format so

you can't easily transfer the music to another player. It's MP4 or something like that. So that really annoyed me to find that out after buying a bunch of music!Hang in there!! Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedOh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so down ...and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to another boy who was being home schooled but is back now.

They ride the bus together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are going to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said he could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would not talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BF then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him. Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him before.My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left it in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard from her yet...and my son just got home and went straight into his room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, I asked him about his IPOD and he said it was gone. The ear phones were in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went

into his locker and stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going wrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.Help!jan

[Guest guest]

Hi Jan,

I’m certainly no expert, but if you

turn your son’s mobile off, the texts will stop and so will your son’s

ability to send inappropriate texts.

If he needs to use his phone, turn it on to use it and straight off

afterwards. At least that way you

have cut out the negative emotions being sent to you/your son in a way you can

control.

If his friend would normally text and

still wants to be his friend that much, he’ll find another way to contact your

son.

If you can gain control of the emotions

coming at you then you can maybe start to grasp the ones you are emitting otherwise

if things are only incensing the situation it will become harder to remain

objective/neutral and the emotional anchor it sounds as though your son needs. Your anger is validating his!

Hope this helps…

a

-----Original

Message-----

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of rushen janice

Sent: 20 September 2009 12:45

To:

Subject: Re: ( )

Son Depressed , I'm depressed

How do you stay out of it when you are afraid of

what your child might say or do in such instances....with all this

texting and computer ....I worry. Yes, I did get way too involved and

you are right...but my son gets in trouble quite often...I am afraid.

And, no I didn't handle the situation correctly...but

when I saw the computer...the screen was a rainbow...all smashed and

shattered...$1700.00 ....I lost it.

I need help and quickly. I called a psychologist and

will try to get in this week. We do go to the Psychiatrist for meds.

check on tuesday...so I will talk to them.

And this ex-b.f. sent 20 texts to my son

yesterday. He even tried to get the one last friend he has to be mad at

him. He is going around spreading rumors and lies about my son.

My husband finally called the kid's dad and told him

nicely that he would appreciate it if he told his son to stop texting our

son. of course this dad had to bring up an incident from last year.

I am ashamed about all of this ...but i am to

overwhelmed...

j

Janice

Rushen

" I will

try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope "

No virus found in this outgoing message.

Checked by AVG - www.avg.com

Version: 8.5.409 / Virus Database: 270.13.108/2383 - Release Date: 09/20/09 06:22:00

[Guest guest]

Jan,,,

It sounds so overwhelming.......I wish I could say something that could help you right now.

I don't though.

My son isn't treated nicely and doesn't fit.........and although it's heartbreaking,,,,,,,,he doesn't get physical and doesn't have his own phone.. His interactment in more on online games/RPG's and for him, it's positive.

So,,,,,,his "part" is more emotional and sad, for him.

No one says things behind him....or on a phone. It's more TO him.....ugh.

So,,,,,,I think was right on.........and I think you know that. Maybe all of us should see someone for our own mental health? I've wondered that for a while. It's so fricken depressing some times.

I, personally, don't think I could ever stay out of a lot of my son's "interactions"...if there were any...............because he's so naive as far as being "worldy"..........I definitely feel that I have to protect him..........

But, I do see that some of it, sadly, is teenage stuff.

Maybe having a phone isn't the best thing for him unless he is out somewhere? Not that HE misuses it,,,,,but that it is causing trouble,,,,,due to others, ya know? My son and other kids want a cell so badly.......saying that "everyone else has one".....but they don't even hold one unless they are out riding around or at a function. One time, my daughter had a friend sleep over and this gal got text after text all night long from people......I finally told her to shut it off. he he.

So,,,,,,hang in there. I agree with that you should go and apologize and talk. Maybe go for a ride? Just tell him, like you probably already do, that you honestly don't know what to do anymore. That you love him and hate that wrong things happen to him.

Etc....know what I mean?

Hugs to you.

Let us know how you're doing today.

Robin

From: Roxanna <MadIdeasaol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Friday, September 18, 2009, 9:46 AM

Hang in there Jan. When my older ds got depressed and no longer could go to school, I got so depressed at the same time. It was really very hard to get through that. The best help I did for myself was to not look at long term issues - just deal with short term problems, deal with today. That helped me. If I looked at the future, it was so bad. I could not see anything good happening from this. So that just reinforced the depression.Also, remember that what is going on now will have an end and a resolution. My ds ended up getting tutored. I felt so depressed that he was missing school and out of the loop. But really, it was the beginning of good things for him. He did really well in the 1-1 tutoring vs. classroom. He got A's instead of C's, D's and F's. He didn't have to work so hard to compensate for his LD and the tutor went at the pace that suited him. He regained his self-esteem enough to

try the computer classes and attend school again after two years. And he excelled at computers and found his "calling" in life. So out of what I thought was the very worst and lowest point came all the good stuff.. You could not have convinced me it was good at the time though! I saw nothing but despair. But know you are not alone.Also, if his "bf" is such a wishy washy kid, maybe he shouldn't be his bf! When these kinds20of problems happen to my 12 yo ds (hfa), I often try to steer him into examining why he likes this person and if this is a relationship worthwhile to him. He does not always see the point. But maybe eventually he will. The point is, I let him know that from my perspective, this has not been a good friend to him anyway. It hurts to lose a friend (esp. when he has so few and now none...) but he should also not be friends with someone who is not being nice to him. So speak up and

make the relationship better or find a new friend or activity. That is my usual "pep talk." I have to be careful not to outright criticize the friend. Instead, I comment on what is happening to get him thinking (hopefully).But of course, it never looks that easy at the moment it is happening - the tears, the hurt...I understand how it hurts us as parents too!!As for the ipod, ugh. They are so pricey. We've gone through a number of them because they either stopped working or were lost or stolen. My older ds is into the "zune" models, also pricey but "better" than ipods, he says. My dd got one for her birthday and someone stole it at school last year. It was in her purse and then it was gone after art class one day. Now I buy the kids the cheaper MP3 players. For $20 to $50, they hold tons of music. We download music off amazon too - simple. I think the ipod music is in a different format so

you can't easily transfer the music to another player. It's MP4 or something like that. So that really annoyed me to find that out after buying a bunch of music!Hang in there!! Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedOh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so down ...and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to another boy who was being home schooled but is back now.

They ride the bus together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are going to do that day and leave him out. The other day....his BF said he could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would not talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there.....his BF then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him. Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him before.My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left it in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ....have not heard from her yet...and my son just got home and went straight into his room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, I asked him about his IPOD and he said it was gone. The ear phones were in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went

into his locker and stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going wrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.Help!jan

[Guest guest]

Robin ...

you are right too...my son has a cell phone because it is the only way he can get in touch with his one and only friend. He doesn't take it to school...they are very strict and his touch Ipod was stolen...

I realize now that I was too much in his business...but with Aspergers...I know he doesn't handle things in the right manner and gets angry when the kids tease or taunt him or just ignore him.

I think I got to emotional also because the boy D...use to hang with my son up till 5th grade....and then dropped him...my son would call and he would make all kinds of excuses ...it took a long time for my son to get over the hurt...and now this kid came back into the picture and took his BF away....

I don't exactly what my son does that pushes friends away...maybe because he is too "needy"....

I need to figure out a way to build his self-esteem...

jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Roxanna <MadIdeasaol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Friday, September 18, 2009, 9:46 AM

Hang in there Jan. When my older ds got depressed and no longer could go to school, I got so depressed at the same time. It was really very hard to get through that. The best help I did for myself was to not look at long term issues - just deal with short term problems, deal with today. That helped me. If I looked at the future, it was so bad. I could not see anything good happening from this. So that just reinforced the depression.Also, remember that what is going on now will have an end and a resolution. My ds ended up getting tutored. I felt so depressed that he was missing school and out of the loop. But really, it was the beginning of good things for him. He did really well in the 1-1 tutoring vs. classroom. He got A's instead of C's, D's and F's. He didn't have to work so hard to compensate for his LD and the tutor went at the pace that suited him. He regained his self-esteem enough to

try the computer classes and attend school again after two years. And he excelled at computers and found his "calling" in life. So out of what I thought was the very worst and lowest point came all the good stuff.. You could not have convinced me it was good at the time though! I saw nothing but despair. But know you are not alone.Also, if his "bf" is such a wishy washy kid, maybe he shouldn't be his bf! When these kinds20of problems happen to my 12 yo ds (hfa), I often try to steer him into examining why he likes this person and if this is a relationship worthwhile to him. He does not always see the point. But maybe eventually he will. The point is, I let him know that from my perspective, this has not been a good friend to him anyway. It hurts to lose a friend (esp. when he has so few and now none...) but he should also not be friends with someone who is not being nice to him. So speak up and

make the relationship better or find a new friend or activity. That is my usual "pep talk." I have to be careful not to outright criticize the friend. Instead, I comment on what is happening to get him thinking (hopefully).But of course, it never looks that easy at the moment it is happening - the tears, the hurt...I understand how it hurts us as parents too!!As for the ipod, ugh. They are so pricey. We've gone through a number of them because they either stopped working or were lost or stolen. My older ds is into the "zune" models, also pricey but "better" than ipods, he says. My dd got one for her birthday and someone stole it at school last year. It was in her purse and then it was gone after art class one day. Now I buy the kids the cheaper MP3 players. For $20 to $50, they hold tons of music. We download music off amazon too - simple. I think the ipod music is in a different format so

you can't easily transfer the music to another player. It's MP4 or something like that. So that really annoyed me to find that out after buying a bunch of music!Hang in there!! Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedOh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so down ...and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to another boy who was being home schooled but is back now.

They ride the bus together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are going to do that day and leave him out. The other day....his BF said he could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would not talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there.....his BF then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him. Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him before.My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left it in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ....have not heard from her yet...and my son just got home and went straight into his room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, I asked him about his IPOD and he said it was gone. The ear phones were in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went

into his locker and stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going wrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.Help!jan

[Guest guest]

You can block #s from being able to call or text your son's phone. That might work better than reaching out and making this between the parents. If not, if the cell phone is causing so many problems, maybe he doesn't need one right now?

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: rushen janice <jrushen@...> Sent: Sunday, September 20, 2009 6:45:28 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed

How do you stay out of it when you are afraid of what your child might say or do in such instances... .with all this texting and computer ....I worry. Yes, I did get way too involved and you are right...but my son gets in trouble quite often...I am afraid.

And, no I didn't handle the situation correctly... but when I saw the computer...the screen was a rainbow...all smashed and shattered... $1700.00 ....I lost it.

I need help and quickly. I called a psychologist and will try to get in this week. We do go to the Psychiatrist for meds. check on tuesday...so I will talk to them.

And this ex-b.f. sent 20 texts to my son yesterday. He even tried to get the one last friend he has to be mad at him. He is going around spreading rumors and lies about my son.

My husband finally called the kid's dad and told him nicely that he would appreciate it if he told his son to stop texting our son. of course this dad had to bring up an incident from last year.

I am ashamed about all of this ...but i am to overwhelmed. ..

j

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Roxanna <MadIdeasaol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Friday, September 18, 2009, 9:46 AM

Hang in there Jan. When my older ds got depressed and no longer could go to school, I got so depressed at the same time. It was really very hard to get through that. The best help I did for myself was to not look at long term issues - just deal with short term problems, deal with today. That helped me. If I looked at the future, it was so bad. I could not see anything good happening from this. So that just reinforced the depression.Also, remember that what is going on now will have an end and a resolution. My ds ended up getting tutored. I felt so depressed that he was missing school and out of the loop. But really, it was the beginning of good things for him. He did really well in the 1-1 tutoring vs. classroom. He got A's instead of C's, D's and F's. He didn't have to work so hard to compensate for his LD and the tutor went at the pace that suited him. He regained his self-esteem enough to

try the computer classes and attend school again after two years. And he excelled at computers and found his "calling" in life. So out of what I thought was the very worst and lowest point came all the good stuff. You could not have convinced me it was good at the time though! I saw nothing but despair. But know you are not alone.Also, if his "bf" is such a wishy washy kid, maybe he shouldn't be his bf! When these kinds20of problems happen to my 12 yo ds (hfa), I often try to steer him into examining why he likes this person and if this is a relationship worthwhile to him. He does not always see the point. But maybe eventually he will. The point is, I let him know that from my perspective, this has not been a good friend to him anyway. It hurts to lose a friend (esp. when he has so few and now none...) but he should also not be friends with someone who is not being nice to him. So speak up and

make the relationship better or find a new friend or activity. That is my usual "pep talk." I have to be careful not to outright criticize the friend. Instead, I comment on what is happening to get him thinking (hopefully).But of course, it never looks that easy at the moment it is happening - the tears, the hurt...I understand how it hurts us as parents too!!As for the ipod, ugh. They are so pricey. We've gone through a number of them because they either stopped working or were lost or stolen. My older ds is into the "zune" models, also pricey but "better" than ipods, he says. My dd got one for her birthday and someone stole it at school last year. It was in her purse and then it was gone after art class one day. Now I buy the kids the cheaper MP3 players. For $20 to $50, they hold tons of music. We download music off amazon too - simple. I think the ipod music is in a different format so

you can't easily transfer the music to another player. It's MP4 or something like that. So that really annoyed me to find that out after buying a bunch of music!Hang in there!! Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedOh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so down ...and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to another boy who was being home schooled but is back now.

They ride the bus together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are going to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said he could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would not talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BF then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him. Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him before.My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left it in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard from her yet...and my son just got home and went straight into his room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, I asked him about his IPOD and he said it was gone. The ear phones were in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went

into his locker and stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going wrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.Help!jan

[Guest guest]

This is kind of my point though. How do you know all of this? Is your son telling you? Are you listening in to his conversations? Reading his texts? Talking to others in the neighborhood? If he's doing something that could be considered breaking the law, that's one thing. But this other stuff sounds like gossip, he-said, she-said stuff. You might be right, but does knowing help you in anyway? I think it just throws kerosene on an already difficult situation. And by putting yourself in the middle of all of this, I think you're damaging your relationship with your son. Which is unfortunately ironic b/c I think your intent is to help, not to hurt. So maybe it's time to use a different approach and see what happens? I'm glad you've made an appointment with a psychologist. I think if you could work on figuring out what's going on with you with a

professional, it might give you more clarity on how to best help your son. I can truly see the love and effort you're trying to put in, it's just not in a healthy way so it's backfiring on you.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: rushen janice <jrushen@...> Sent: Sunday, September 20, 2009 6:35:55 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed

,

you are right..I hate to admit it...and I didn't handle this well. I think I am too overwhelmed and depressed about a lot of things. I was so angry that he punched the lap top ...and now it doesn't work...the screen is a rainbow and shattered. I was angry that he begged.

Yes, I am too involved...but this is why...my son says things or does things that are inappropriate. ...the texting and computer (well he doesn't have one now). I am so afraid he will do something and the parents and/or police will get involved.

Yesterday, Saturday, this ex-b.f. texted my son 20 times...with nasty comments. Then he went to another boy in the neighborhood and told a lie about my son...this boy then texted my son's only friend and said my son was talking about his father who died. It is all so catty...my son was angry and depressed. This boy even said "when T leaves, you will be lonely"... so he was trying to get T angry at my son. That is too cruel. Luckily T knew the truth.

My husband finally called S's parents and told them to stop their child from texting ...he had texted him 20 times in one day...we told our son not to text him back and that if he does he will loose his phone.

By the way my husband was on his way home from work on Friday when the incident occurred. We can get the computer fixed as I had insurance plan on it...but now he won't get it back. I am so tired of the anger he has and the damaging things in our house. I just flew into a rage and admit it was wrong...but at the moment I actually could not handle any of this.

I called a new psychologist and will make an appt. with him.

I feel ashamed now ...

jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Roxanna <MadIdeasaol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Friday, September 18, 2009, 9:46 AM

Hang in there Jan. When my older ds got depressed and no longer could go to school, I got so depressed at the same time. It was really very hard to get through that. The best help I did for myself was to not look at long term issues - just deal with short term problems, deal with today. That helped me. If I looked at the future, it was so bad. I could not see anything good happening from this. So that just reinforced the depression.Also, remember that what is going on now will have an end and a resolution. My ds ended up getting tutored. I felt so depressed that he was missing school and out of the loop. But really, it was the beginning of good things for him. He did really well in the 1-1 tutoring vs. classroom. He got A's instead of C's, D's and F's. He didn't have to work so hard to compensate for his LD and the tutor went at the pace that suited him. He regained his self-esteem enough to

try the computer classes and attend school again after two years. And he excelled at computers and found his "calling" in life. So out of what I thought was the very worst and lowest point came all the good stuff. You could not have convinced me it was good at the time though! I saw nothing but despair. But know you are not alone.Also, if his "bf" is such a wishy washy kid, maybe he shouldn't be his bf! When these kinds20of problems happen to my 12 yo ds (hfa), I often try to steer him into examining why he likes this person and if this is a relationship worthwhile to him. He does not always see the point. But maybe eventually he will. The point is, I let him know that from my perspective, this has not been a good friend to him anyway. It hurts to lose a friend (esp. when he has so few and now none...) but he should also not be friends with someone who is not being nice to him. So speak up and

make the relationship better or find a new friend or activity. That is my usual "pep talk." I have to be careful not to outright criticize the friend. Instead, I comment on what is happening to get him thinking (hopefully).But of course, it never looks that easy at the moment it is happening - the tears, the hurt...I understand how it hurts us as parents too!!As for the ipod, ugh. They are so pricey. We've gone through a number of them because they either stopped working or were lost or stolen. My older ds is into the "zune" models, also pricey but "better" than ipods, he says. My dd got one for her birthday and someone stole it at school last year. It was in her purse and then it was gone after art class one day. Now I buy the kids the cheaper MP3 players. For $20 to $50, they hold tons of music. We download music off amazon too - simple. I think the ipod music is in a different format so

you can't easily transfer the music to another player. It's MP4 or something like that. So that really annoyed me to find that out after buying a bunch of music!Hang in there!! Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedOh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so down ...and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to another boy who was being home schooled but is back now.

They ride the bus together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are going to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said he could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would not talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BF then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him. Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him before.My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left it in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard from her yet...and my son just got home and went straight into his room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, I asked him about his IPOD and he said it was gone. The ear phones were in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went

into his locker and stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going wrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.Help!jan

[Guest guest]

I hear you about the other boy that used to be over at your place all the time and that they were friends.

This happened to Ian, too, after 5th. This kid was over constantly. He was adopted by his gramma and honestly, was a part of our fam.

He had clothes here........ate here...........was disciplined, too, if need be.

Then,,,,bam.....he was gone. Got "older" and more mature and more aware of what was cool. My son, simply, wasn't.

Crushed my son. Hell,,,,it crushed all my kids.

No words can explain, but I think we all have sort of been there with this situation.

I can't say that I wouldn't do it again, because if Ian got a friend who actually wanted to be here all the time, I'd do whatever I could to welcome him.

Ugh.

This is making my gut hurt.

Robin

From: Roxanna <MadIdeasaol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Friday, September 18, 2009, 9:46 AM

Hang in there Jan. When my older ds got depressed and no longer could go to school, I got so depressed at the same time. It was really very hard to get through that. The best help I did for myself was to not look at long term issues - just deal with short term problems, deal with today. That helped me. If I looked at the future, it was so bad. I could not see anything good happening from this. So that just reinforced the depression.Also, remember that what is going on now will have an end and a resolution. My ds ended up getting tutored. I felt so depressed that he was missing school and out of the loop. But really, it was the beginning of good things for him. He did really well in the 1-1 tutoring vs. classroom. He got A's instead of C's, D's and F's. He didn't have to work so hard to compensate for his LD and the tutor went at the pace that suited him. He regained his self-esteem enough to

try the computer classes and attend school again after two years. And he excelled at computers and found his "calling" in life. So out of what I thought was the very worst and lowest point came all the good stuff... You could not have convinced me it was good at the time though! I saw nothing but despair. But know you are not alone.Also, if his "bf" is such a wishy washy kid, maybe he shouldn't be his bf! When these kinds20of problems happen to my 12 yo ds (hfa), I often try to steer him into examining why he likes this person and if this is a relationship worthwhile to him. He does not always see the point. But maybe eventually he will. The point is, I let him know that from my perspective, this has not been a good friend to him anyway. It hurts to lose a friend (esp. when he has so few and now none...) but he should also not be friends with someone who is not being nice to him. So speak up and

make the relationship better or find a new friend or activity. That is my usual "pep talk." I have to be careful not to outright criticize the friend. Instead, I comment on what is happening to get him thinking (hopefully).But of course, it never looks that easy at the moment it is happening - the tears, the hurt...I understand how it hurts us as parents too!!As for the ipod, ugh. They are so pricey. We've gone through a number of them because they either stopped working or were lost or stolen. My older ds is into the "zune" models, also pricey but "better" than ipods, he says. My dd got one for her birthday and someone stole it at school last year. It was in her purse and then it was gone after art class one day. Now I buy the kids the cheaper MP3 players. For $20 to $50, they hold tons of music. We download music off amazon too - simple. I think the ipod music is in a different format so

you can't easily transfer the music to another player. It's MP4 or something like that. So that really annoyed me to find that out after buying a bunch of music!Hang in there!! Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedOh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so down ...and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to another boy who was being home schooled but is back now.

They ride the bus together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are going to do that day and leave him out. The other day.....his BF said he could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would not talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there......his BF then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him. Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him before.My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left it in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal .....have not heard from her yet...and my son just got home and went straight into his room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, I asked him about his IPOD and he said it was gone. The ear phones were in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went

into his locker and stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going wrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.Help!jan

[Guest guest]

{{{Jan}}} Hang in there. Take a deep breath next time, try to lower

the stress level as much as you can. You can deal out punishment later

if things are out of control. For instance, if he refuses to get off

the phone, you can take his phone away later for a few days and talk to

him about appropriate behavior later when everyone has calmed down.

It's great to take it away from him then and there but he's not a

little kid anymore. So sometimes it works better to walk away. He may

" get away " with something for a short time. But later you can talk to

him about what he is doing that upsets you. And dish out punishment,

if warranted.

He is dealing with a lot of rejection and I know it hurts you too. But

remember, kids go back and forth with friendships, practicing skills

for later relationships. The minute you get upset with one kid, he

will make up with him on you. lol. But do talk to him about how it

hurts, this kid is not being nice to him. Let him know you hurt for

him and that's why you wanted him to get off the phone. Take deep

breaks next time and try to de-escalate. But don't make yourself

crazy. We all scream and yell once in a while or lose our good nature.

<g>

Great idea to plan some activities away from these brats for a while -

get away, enjoy yourselves as a family. It can really help.

 Roxann

a

" The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do

nothing. " E. Burke

( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed

Oh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so

down ...and my son is feeling the

same. He lost his BF ...to another

boy who was being home schooled but is back now. They ride the bus

together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are

going to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said he

could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son

was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would not

talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BF

then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him.

Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him

before.

My son came home yesterday and sa

id he either lost his IPOD or left it

in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard from

her yet...and my son just got home and went straight into his

room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, I

asked him about his IPOD and he said it

was gone. The ear phones were

in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went into his locker and

stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new

one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down

right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive thing

s are going

wrong with friends in school.

I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he

doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.

I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.

Help!

jan

[Guest guest]

Don't feel so bad, Jan. has a point about being too involved

but I also think we sometimes do that to protect our kids. You know,

if they had normal friendships, we wouldn't probably feel the need to

get so involved. My ds finally had enough with the kids down the

street and stopped going down there. But I would get annoyed with him

each time he went down there. Half the time, he came back after being

teased or upset about some social thing he messed up. Kids will be

kids overall. But this just highlights how much your ds needs social

skll training. He needs to learn and talk about what makes someone a

friend, how friends treat eachother and how to deal with kids who are

getting mean. Sometimes, problems can be diverted just by handling it

the right way. But these are the skills our kids are not good at. So

push harder to get the school to put together a program he really

needs. They could probably find a lot of good information by visiting

www.socialthinking.com Great tools for the teen. See if your doctor,

psych or therapist can recommend a group as well. One answer to the

situation is for him to learn and practice. The more he learns and

uses, the less worried you have to be for him.

 Roxanna

" The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do

nothing. " E. Burke

( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed

Oh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so

down ...and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to another

boy who was being home schooled but is back now.

They ride the bus

together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are

going to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said he

could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son

was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would not

talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BF

then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him.

Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him

before.

My son came home yesterday and sa

id he either lost his IPOD or left it

in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard from

her yet...and my

son just got home and went straight into his

room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, I

asked him about his IPOD and he said it was gone. The ear phones were

in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went

into his locker and

stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new

one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down

right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going

wrong with friends in school.

I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he

doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.

I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.

Help!

jan

0D

[Guest guest]

...thank you for your support ..even though it hurts me to read ...I never realized how much I was in his business...I am so afraid that he will be inappropriate ...which he has been...i feel so confused...so conflicted.....i want to help and i am not..but i feel sick...

sick over all this ...i don't know how much i can take ....

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Roxanna <MadIdeasaol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Friday, September 18, 2009, 9:46 AM

Hang in there Jan. When my older ds got depressed and no longer could go to school, I got so depressed at the same time. It was really very hard to get through that. The best help I did for myself was to not look at long term issues - just deal with short term problems, deal with today. That helped me. If I looked at the future, it was so bad. I could not see anything good happening from this. So that just reinforced the depression.Also, remember that what is going on now will have an end and a resolution. My ds ended up getting tutored. I felt so depressed that he was missing school and out of the loop. But really, it was the beginning of good things for him. He did really well in the 1-1 tutoring vs. classroom. He got A's instead of C's, D's and F's. He didn't have to work so hard to compensate for his LD and the tutor went at the pace that suited him. He regained his self-esteem enough to

try the computer classes and attend school again after two years. And he excelled at computers and found his "calling" in life. So out of what I thought was the very worst and lowest point came all the good stuff. You could not have convinced me it was good at the time though! I saw nothing but despair. But know you are not alone.Also, if his "bf" is such a wishy washy kid, maybe he shouldn't be his bf! When these kinds20of problems happen to my 12 yo ds (hfa), I often try to steer him into examining why he likes this person and if this is a relationship worthwhile to him. He does not always see the point. But maybe eventually he will. The point is, I let him know that from my perspective, this has not been a good friend to him anyway. It hurts to lose a friend (esp. when he has so few and now none...) but he should also not be friends with someone who is not being nice to him. So speak up and

make the relationship better or find a new friend or activity. That is my usual "pep talk." I have to be careful not to outright criticize the friend. Instead, I comment on what is happening to get him thinking (hopefully).But of course, it never looks that easy at the moment it is happening - the tears, the hurt...I understand how it hurts us as parents too!!As for the ipod, ugh. They are so pricey. We've gone through a number of them because they either stopped working or were lost or stolen. My older ds is into the "zune" models, also pricey but "better" than ipods, he says. My dd got one for her birthday and someone stole it at school last year. It was in her purse and then it was gone after art class one day. Now I buy the kids the cheaper MP3 players. For $20 to $50, they hold tons of music. We download music off amazon too - simple. I think the ipod music is in a different format so

you can't easily transfer the music to another player. It's MP4 or something like that. So that really annoyed me to find that out after buying a bunch of music!Hang in there!! Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedOh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so down ...and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to another boy who was being home schooled but is back now.

They ride the bus together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are going to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said he could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would not talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BF then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him. Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him before.My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left it in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard from her yet...and my son just got home and went straight into his room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, I asked him about his IPOD and he said it was gone. The ear phones were in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went

into his locker and stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going wrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.Help!jan

[Guest guest]

wow...i said that to my son...and he said no...I will have to call the phone company...what if the text is coming from AIM? thanks

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Roxanna <MadIdeasaol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Friday, September 18, 2009, 9:46 AM

Hang in there Jan. When my older ds got depressed and no longer could go to school, I got so depressed at the same time. It was really very hard to get through that. The best help I did for myself was to not look at long term issues - just deal with short term problems, deal with today. That helped me. If I looked at the future, it was so bad. I could not see anything good happening from this. So that just reinforced the depression.Also, remember that what is going on now will have an end and a resolution. My ds ended up getting tutored. I felt so depressed that he was missing school and out of the loop. But really, it was the beginning of good things for him. He did really well in the 1-1 tutoring vs. classroom. He got A's instead of C's, D's and F's. He didn't have to work so hard to compensate for his LD and the tutor went at the pace that suited him. He regained his self-esteem enough to

try the computer classes and attend school again after two years. And he excelled at computers and found his "calling" in life. So out of what I thought was the very worst and lowest point came all the good stuff. You could not have convinced me it was good at the time though! I saw nothing but despair. But know you are not alone.Also, if his "bf" is such a wishy washy kid, maybe he shouldn't be his bf! When these kinds20of problems happen to my 12 yo ds (hfa), I often try to steer him into examining why he likes this person and if this is a relationship worthwhile to him. He does not always see the point. But maybe eventually he will. The point is, I let him know that from my perspective, this has not been a good friend to him anyway. It hurts to lose a friend (esp. when he has so few and now none...) but he should also not be friends with someone who is not being nice to him. So speak up and

make the relationship better or find a new friend or activity. That is my usual "pep talk." I have to be careful not to outright criticize the friend. Instead, I comment on what is happening to get him thinking (hopefully).But of course, it never looks that easy at the moment it is happening - the tears, the hurt...I understand how it hurts us as parents too!!As for the ipod, ugh. They are so pricey. We've gone through a number of them because they either stopped working or were lost or stolen. My older ds is into the "zune" models, also pricey but "better" than ipods, he says. My dd got one for her birthday and someone stole it at school last year. It was in her purse and then it was gone after art class one day. Now I buy the kids the cheaper MP3 players. For $20 to $50, they hold tons of music. We download music off amazon too - simple. I think the ipod music is in a different format so

you can't easily transfer the music to another player. It's MP4 or something like that. So that really annoyed me to find that out after buying a bunch of music!Hang in there!! Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedOh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so down ...and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to another boy who was being home schooled but is back now.

They ride the bus together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are going to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said he could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would not talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BF then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him. Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him before.My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left it in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard from her yet...and my son just got home and went straight into his room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, I asked him about his IPOD and he said it was gone. The ear phones were in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went

into his locker and stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going wrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.Help!jan